“chasing happiness is making you miserable, advice session”

Podcast: anything goes with emma chamberlain
Host: Emma Chamberlain
Date: January 22, 2026

Episode Overview

In this “Advice Session” episode, Emma dives into the modern obsession with chasing happiness and why this pursuit often leaves us feeling unfulfilled—or even more miserable. Through answering audience questions, she explores the nature of pleasant emotion, the traps of unrealistic expectations, and provides grounded, humorous, and candid advice on finding contentment, regaining excitement, and navigating transitions in life. Expect her signature blend of existential musings, blunt truth, and genuinely practical guidance—all delivered in her uniquely relatable voice.

Key Points & Insights

1. The Fleeting Nature of Happiness

(starts ~01:15)

• Emma opens by challenging the expectation of permanent happiness.
• Key Point: Happiness is deeply intertwined with sadness—the contrast is what gives each meaning.
  • Quote:

    “Happiness only feels as good as it feels because sadness feels as bad as it feels. So happiness cannot exist without sadness.” (04:36)

• She argues that pursuing constant happiness is not only impossible, it wouldn’t be ideal anyway, because:
  • Life’s “push and pull”—challenges, setbacks, growth—is what makes living dynamic and meaningful.
  • If happiness were our only emotion, it would become boring and lose its spark.
• Advice:
  1. Reframe your view of happiness: Accept its fleeting nature and even feel gratitude for that—without impermanence, joy would be meaningless.
  2. Manage your expectations:
     • Unrealistic expectations (like always being happy) are a major source of disappointment.
     • Ditch expectations about your feelings; instead, focus on what you can control (your actions, your environment).
  3. Let emotions educate you:
     • Use your emotional ups and downs as feedback on what’s working in your life and what isn’t.
     • Quote:

       “If you just let your emotions come and go naturally and you analyze them, you can learn a lot from that.” (09:07)

2. Feeling Perpetually Sad & Seeking Excitement

(starts ~11:19)

• Q: “I feel like I'm sad all the time. How do I get that excitement back for life?”
• Emma distinguishes between fleeting sadness and ongoing, persistent sadness (“perpetual sadness”).
• Advice:
  • Rule out psychological/medical issues first: “If you’re feeling perpetual sadness, talk to a doctor before you listen to me, because I’m unprofessional and I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.” (12:06)
  • If sadness is related to a fundamental life issue (e.g., wrong job, toxic relationship, incompatibility with where you live):
    • Self-reflection and honest life assessment are crucial.
    • Journal or introspect to pinpoint what’s fundamentally not working—even if it’s deeply ingrained in your daily routine.
    • Once identified, make a plan to address that root cause (even if it’s a big step, like moving or reconsidering relationships).

3. Not Feeling Like Yourself & Getting Your “Spark” Back

(starts ~16:10)

• Q: “I haven’t been feeling like myself for a long time. How do I find myself again?”
• Emma distinguishes this from general sadness: Not feeling like yourself is about a sense of misalignment and loss of spark or humor.
• Common Causes:
  1. Being around judgmental people.
  2. Extreme exhaustion (emotionally or physically).
  3. Life becoming too routine and unstimulating (“autopilot”).
  • Memorable moment:

    “Every time I go through a breakup, I’m like, oh my God, my spark is back. Every time.” (18:45)

• Advice:
  • Pinpoint when you lost your spark and what might have changed (job, relationship, friend group).
  • Once you find the culprit, make a plan to alter that aspect—cut toxic ties, get rest, or intentionally add new, novel experiences to your life.
    • Suggestions include: taking weekend trips, trying new shops, shifting up routines, or changing your style.

4. Navigating Life Transitions & Loneliness After College

(starts ~21:22)

• Q: “Since finishing college and struggling to find a job, life feels lonely. How do I find joy?”
• Transition periods (limbo phases) naturally feel unstable and bring loneliness or lack of purpose.
• Key Insight:
  • These phases can be reframed as a time of possibility—a blank canvas.
  • Just because you haven’t found the next step doesn’t mean you’ve been “rejected” by life; you’re simply in-between.
• Advice:
  • Use this period for rest, self-analysis, and exploration.
  • Experiment with new skills, hobbies, or interests. The downtime is valuable and temporary.
  • Fatherly wisdom:

    “My dad always reminds me of this when I’m in limbo in my life. He’s like, enjoy this moment, because things will pick up again. Things will start moving quicker and quicker and quicker again. And you’ll regret not having just enjoyed this moment of calm.” (23:25)

  • Make all decisions for yourself, not to impress others or fit an image.
    • Quote:

      “To find joy and to experience maximum joy, make every single decision for you.” (24:55)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the impossibility and undesirability of permanent happiness:

  “If you were happy all the time... I have a hypothesis that you would self-sabotage because you would get so bored and...create pain.” (05:50)

• Embracing transient happiness:

  “Allow happiness to enter into your life and exit once again and enter back in and exit once again… Once you allow happiness to come and go with an acceptance of its fleeting nature and a gratitude for the moments when you get to experience it, then I think it could be helpful...” (08:16)

• Emma’s recurring, self-deprecating refrain:

  “I’m unprofessional and I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. I’m just a girl and I’m just giving you advice based on my 24 years on this planet.” (12:10)

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:15 | The pursuit of pleasant emotion/happiness is introduced | | 04:36 | Happiness and sadness as necessary contrasts | | 05:50 | Why permanent happiness is both impossible and undesired | | 08:16 | Steps for reframing happiness and managing expectations | | 09:07 | Observing and learning from your emotions | | 11:19 | Addressing feeling perpetually sad and regaining excitement | | 12:06 | When to seek professional help for sadness | | 16:10 | Not feeling like yourself/finding your “spark” again | | 18:45 | Breakups and regaining spark: personal anecdotes | | 21:22 | Life after college & coping with loneliness/limbo | | 23:25 | Wisdom on enjoying periods of calm and rest | | 24:55 | Authentic decision-making as the root of joy |

Emma’s Closing Thoughts

Emma wraps up by reminding listeners to take her advice “with a grain of salt,” and that the core message—happiness isn’t a destination, but a natural, fleeting visitor—should free us up to live more honestly and with less pressure.

Final words:

“I love you all. I appreciate you all. Thank you for listening and hanging out. And I'll talk to you soon… Until then, I send you my love.” (29:10)

Summary Takeaway

This episode is a relatable, often witty, deep dive into why chasing happiness can leave us miserable—and how real joy arises from embracing life’s imperfect ebb and flow, making honest self-assessments, and building a life led by our own values, not outside expectations. If you feel off, stuck, or lost, Emma’s advice is: Accept the impermanence, look within for root causes, honor your unique path, and trust that both happiness and limbo are essential—and temporary—parts of a full life.