anything goes with emma chamberlain

Episode: don’t text your ex, do this instead

Host: Emma Chamberlain
Date: November 16, 2025

Overview

In this candid and relatable episode, Emma Chamberlain offers heartfelt advice and a toolkit of practical distractions for anyone fighting the urge to text their ex after a breakup. Sharing from her own experiences and emotional lows, Emma explains why reaching out to an ex in the aftermath of heartbreak is usually unhelpful, and what to do instead in those “imploding or exploding” moments of longing. She guides listeners through a series of actionable steps and comforting perspectives to help channel that emotional energy into healthier, more productive avenues.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Real Pain of a Breakup (00:00–05:54)

• Immediate aftermath: Emma believes the actual breakup conversation is not the hardest part—it's the weeks and months that follow, filled with loneliness and aching urges to reconnect.
• The itch to connect: She describes the feeling of desperately wanting to text your ex as “moments of absolute chaos in your brain,” comparing the craving to a physical itch that's hard not to scratch.
• When is it okay to reach out?
  Emma distinguishes between “desperation and agony” (when you should NOT text) and later, healed periods where casual contact can be appropriate if both are on good terms.
• Breakup as a wound:
  She uses a vivid wound-healing analogy:

  “Breakups are literal wounds ... When you reach out to an ex, it's like taking all the bandages off and digging your fingers in the wound and scratching around.” (03:42)

Accepting the Setbacks (05:54–09:26)

• Human slip-ups:
  Emma acknowledges lapses—reaching out or even getting back with an ex—as common experiences. They typically just delay healing, not bring closure.

  “Is it okay if it happens? Yes, it just prolongs the healing process ... it's a part of our journey during a breakup.” (06:00)

• Personal story:
  Emma recounts a time she shattered her own phone after restraining herself from answering an ex’s “hey” text, illustrating the depth of emotional turmoil.

  “I just wanted to respond so bad that I threw my phone at the wall and shattered it because I couldn't handle it.” (07:36)

The Importance of Distraction and Mindfulness (10:55–18:02)

• Time as a healer:
  The only real cure is letting time pass, but “staring at your phone, crying, wanting to text your ex ... makes the time pass slower.”
• The right kind of distraction:
  Emma emphasizes you can’t just idly watch a movie while spiraling—real distraction needs to be active and mindful.

  “In these moments, it’s not like you can just sit down and crack open a book and start reading ... These moments are so intense that they require a very specific type of distraction.” (11:46)

Emma’s Toolkit: What to Do Instead of Texting Your Ex

1. Reach Out—to Someone Else (18:02–20:29)

• Call, text, or meet up with a friend, parent, or anyone you trust.
• Human connection helps “blow off steam” or let emotions “evaporate” instead of boiling over.
• Memorable metaphor:

  “Your emotions are like a pot of boiling water ... If you open up to somebody, you talk to somebody, you take the lid off, the negative emotions eventually will sort of evaporate.” (19:03)

2. Journaling (20:29–25:10)

• Emma shares several journal prompts:
  • List reasons for the breakup (for a reality check when nostalgia kicks in)
  • Set new goals for yourself as a single person
  • List traits you want in your next partner
  • Write an unsent letter to your ex
  • Make your own personalized list—activities to do when tempted to text your ex
• Insightful quote:

  “In a moment of desperation ... nostalgia is the most lethal. It can be so important to have a reality check.” (22:29)

3. Remove Reminders (25:10–27:22)

• Go through your space to put away or hide objects/photos that trigger memories.
• Declutter phone reminders (mute ex, delete thread, change wallpaper).
• Not about erasing the past, but giving yourself room to heal.
• “Phones are part of our reality now ... removing them from favorites, changing your wallpaper ... it can be very cleansing.” (26:32)

4. Get a Planner and Structure Time (27:22–32:37)

• Visit a stationery store, treat yourself to a nice planner, and intentionally fill your time.
• Plan even minor activities to stay busy—differentiates intentional vs. unintentional downtime.
• Use the process as an opportunity to “romanticize” your new, independent era.

5. Make Mood Boards (32:37–34:46)

• Create fashion, lifestyle, or future vision mood boards (Pinterest, magazines, etc.)
• Helps clarify goals and inspires personal reinvention.

  “There’s something exciting about revisiting fashion post-breakup as an individual ... it’s a new era.” (33:33)

6. Channel Emotion Creatively (34:46–38:47)

• Make art—draw, paint, write poetry—to express how you feel.
• “Taking all the feelings and thoughts and emotions swirling around in your head and making them tangible ... gives you a sense of relief.” (37:23)

7. Watch Content with Your Celebrity Crush (41:03–42:13)

• Distract yourself with the harmless fun of celebrity crushes.

  “Sometimes it can really just help you to just feel attracted to someone else ... I always have a crush—it’s fucking fun.” (41:21)

8. Get Out and Move (42:13–45:31)

• Join group activities, classes, or the gym for social yet low-pressure interaction and endorphins.
• Even just being around others (“casual community”) or a 10-min YouTube workout can help.

  “You’re not just getting endorphins ... you’re also getting a bit of maybe not even social interaction, but just this feeling of being around people.” (44:16)

9. Take an ‘Everything Shower’ and Practice Self Care (45:31–47:12)

• Go all out with grooming routines, which act as both practical and emotional reset buttons.

10. Break Your Routine (47:12–49:30)

• Try new grocery stores, cafes, or routes—novelty interrupts negative patterns and grounds you in the present.

11. Book Self-Care Appointments (49:30–50:40)

• Even planning (not just attending) appointments gives dopamine and something to anticipate.

12. Cook Something New (50:40–51:49)

• Engaging all senses with a new recipe provides full immersion and pleasure outside of relationship nostalgia.

13. Go Treasure Hunting (51:49–54:05)

• Thrift or secondhand shop (“treasure hunt”)—active, mindful distraction that’s satisfying, responsible, and removes mindless retail therapy.

14. Plan an Itinerary for Your Day Off (54:05–55:01)

• Craft a mini-adventure to break monotony and restore excitement.

15. Organize, Clean, or Declutter (55:01–56:24)

• Accomplish small household tasks you’ve been avoiding.

  “Perhaps your bathtub ... has gunk ... Get down and dirty. Do it. At the other end ... you’ll feel better.” (56:13)

16. Fix/Tend to Little Home Repairs (56:24–57:33)

• Mending clothes, refilling soap, or simple repairs can shift focus and provide quick gratification.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On nostalgia’s danger:

  “In a moment of desperation ... the nostalgia is the most lethal.” (22:29)

• On routines and healing:

  “During a breakup, it is particularly important to focus on intentional downtime and not unintentional downtime.” (28:40)

• On seeking distractions:

  “I realize now I’m done ... In the spiral, these things aren’t obvious. That’s why I decided to sit down today and share all of these with you all.” (58:01)

• Empowering encouragement:

  “If you’re going through a breakup right now, I’m sorry. I know how it is. It sucks. But ... you’re gonna get through it, one day at a time. You got this.” (58:24)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 — Emma’s opening thoughts: the agony after a breakup
• 03:42 — Wound/breakup analogy
• 07:36 — Story: smashing her phone to resist texting an ex
• 11:46 — Why simple distractions aren’t enough
• 18:02 — Start of actionable advice: human connection first
• 20:29 — Journaling prompts and the danger of nostalgia
• 26:32 — Removing reminders in your space and phone
• 27:22 — The power of structured time and intentional planning
• 32:37 — Mood and vision boards as a means of empowerment
• 34:46 — Channeling heartbreak into creative expression
• 41:03 — Distracting yourself with a celebrity crush
• 42:13 — Group workouts and social activities
• 45:31 — The ‘everything shower’ routine for a reset
• 47:12 — Breaking routine and intentional novelty
• 49:30 — Self-care appointments as both event and distraction
• 50:40 — Cooking something new and engaging
• 51:49 — The fun and mindfulness of secondhand “treasure hunting”
• 54:05 — Planning out the next fulfilling day off
• 55:01 — Cleaning, organizing, and accomplishment
• 56:24 — Fixing small things around the house for control and distraction
• 58:24 — Emma’s closing encouragement and affirmation

Tone & Closing Notes

Emma’s tone is intimate, slightly self-deprecating, and infused with genuine care. She balances humor with vulnerability, encouraging listeners to accept their own slip-ups, sidestep unhelpful nostalgia, and treat the pain of heartbreak as a normal, survivable wound—one that, with time and healthy distraction, will scar over.

“Thank you all for listening and hanging out. I hope you found this episode helpful ... You got this.” (58:24)

This episode is ideal for anyone navigating the aftermath of a breakup, needing comfort, and searching for concrete, relatable steps to ease those hardest moments of longing.