Loading summary
Transcript35 lines
- [00:00]
A
I'm going through a breakup right now, and I'll be honest, it sucks. But breakups always suck, right? Like, I've never been through an easy breakup. Even when I think back to my most inconsequential relationship, it was three or four months long and we didn't love each other. Even that breakup sucked. But I will say this particular breakup was better in some ways because even though this was not an inconsequential relationship, this, this was an incredibly serious relationship that was two years long. We really deeply loved each other. The way it ended was so pleasant that I think that's why I'm able to talk about it without crying right now. You know, it's only been a week and I can talk about it, but it's because it was mutual. We communicated and got closure and we've decided to remain friends. It was as perfect as a breakup could possibly be. But it's still tough. But what does this mean for me? Well, now I'm single. And being single for me is interesting because I haven't been single much in my life since I was 17. I've been dating pretty consistently. I've had quite a few boyfriends, but I've had very short breaks in between, meaning I haven't really been single. And so it's a little bit daunting to be in this place now where I'm single again. And this time I know I should be single for a little bit longer than two or three months. I think this time I need to be single for like a year. I know that in my gut and I know it's right, but it's daunting. After every relationship in the past, I would immediately start searching for the next person. And at this point in my life, I understand why I did that. At the time, I didn't really notice what I was doing. I wasn't really self reflecting. I was just trying to find my next boyfriend as quickly as possible. But now that I'm a little bit older, I understand why I used to do that. And I also understand why I can't do that again. Here's why I used to do that. Number one, because I would get so overwhelmed with pain from the breakup that instead of facing it head on, I would distract myself from that pain by searching for a new partner and then ultimately dating someone new who could distract me from the pain of the ex. This is a tale as old as time. Like, almost everyone does this at least once in their life. It's almost like when people say, well, you know, the best cure for a hangover, Drinking some more. It's toxic, but it definitely helps. Like, my first breakup was incredibly, incredibly, incredibly painful for me. You know what they always say, the first breakup always hurts the worst. It was so bad. I was in a really dark place and immediately I was like, I need to find somebody new to date, like, as quickly as possible. And I did. Did it help? Yeah, but, you know, it was sort of rushed in a way. And I. I think in retrospect, it. I wouldn't call it a rebound, but it was like, I can see clearly now what I was doing. I wasn't healed from that ex at all, but I just had to numb the pain somehow. But I wouldn't say that that was the healthiest choice. Right? So that's one reason why I used to move on so quickly. Number two, I used to want to stick it to my ex. I think there's something about a breakup that really damages your ego. My. It takes a lot to bruise my ego, but breakups have always bruised my ego. Even if I'm the one that broke up with them, it still bruises my ego. Like, them not fighting to get me back also bruises my ego. And so in the past, this has caused me to want to get into a relationship as quickly as possible to stick it to my ex. Look, I don't need you. I don't care that in one way or another, you rejected me. Because look at me now. I am in a new relationship. I moved on first. Look at me. I win, you lose. I'm. You should be jealous. Like, I. I've. You know, which is very immature, Right? But also, in my defense, I'm 24. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.
- [04:27]
B
If you want a website that actually looks like you, not some boring template, Squarespace has these incredible AI powered design tools that make it super easy to create something unique. Plus, if you're offering services, you can manage bookings and payments all in one spot. It's simple, stylish, and totally doable. Go to squarespace.com emma for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, use code EMMA to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This is an ad by BetterHelp. While it's nice to get a break from the heat, this time of year can feel a little bit dreary. The days are shorter and colder, and it may even feel a bit isolating at times. So now more than ever, we should reach out, stay connected, and check up on one another. I recently was going through a little.
- [05:11]
A
Bit of a rough patch in my life, and I decided to text my friends about it.
- [05:15]
B
And I don't always text my friends.
- [05:17]
A
About my rough patches, but I really wanted their advice and I reached out and it was so incredibly helpful.
- [05:23]
B
But not everyone feels so comfortable doing that. You never know what's going on in someone's life, so why not ask them.
- [05:28]
A
To go grab a cup of coffee?
- [05:30]
B
You'll probably be asking yourself why you didn't reach out sooner, though. Another really useful tool is therapy. Sometimes there are situations where someone who's a bit removed from the situation can.
- [05:40]
A
Allow you the space in privacy to work through certain challenges, and they have.
- [05:44]
B
Tools that your friends and family may not have. If you've been looking for a therapist, try BetterHelp. They've developed a network of professional therapists who are fully vetted and expected to follow a strict code of conduct. You can even switch therapists at any time this month.
- [05:59]
A
Don't wait to reach out Whether you're.
- [06:01]
B
Checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes.
- [06:05]
A
It easy to take the first step.
- [06:07]
B
Our listeners get 10% off their first month@betterhelp.com anything that's better h e l p.com anything next I'm also the type.
- [06:18]
A
Of person who always has to have a crush. I don't know what it is about me. I just like thinking about a cute boy all the time. Like, I always have to have some sort of crush, whether it's a celebrity crush or it's like some random barista at a coffee shop that I go to sometimes. Or it's like I am the type of person that always has to have a crush. And that leads me to dating a lot because I'll become fixated on a particular crush and then if they like me back, I'm like, well, now I have to date them because I've had this crush for this period of time. And so I think I'm just prone to dating because I'm prone to having crushes constantly. And that has also led me to not being single for long. Next I don't enjoy casual hookups very much. If I want to be physical with a guy, I prefer to be in a relationship. And so listen, I'm not somebody who's particularly driven by sex. Honestly, I can go a really long time without sex and be completely fine. I can handle things on my own. It's weird because I always have a crush, but yet I'm not, like, particularly sexually driven. Like, I I feel like my sex drive might. Might be a bit lower than others. Or maybe it's like, average. Might be a little lower than average. I'm so busy. I just. I don't know. I'm busy with other things. Um, and also, I don't like casual hookups. I don't really like that vibe, and I don't need that vibe. Like, in the past when I've hooked up with people casually, it's been kind of an experiment. And every single time I'm like, ooh, I don't really like that. I'm not gonna do that again, probably. But even though I, like, I don't need sex, I still do like affection, though, if I want that. Like, for me, I kind of need to be in a romantic relationship for that. And I also enjoy sex. Like, it's not like I don't like having sex, it's just that I don't need to. And so, I don't know, it's tempting for me to be in romantic relationships rather than being single, because for me, being single usually means no affection, right? Because I don't really like casual hookups. So that leads me to pursuing romantic relationships seriously, because that's how I get my affection, right? But also, I've been very fortunate in my life to have had a lot of opportunities to date guys that I really like. Like, it sounds like up until, like, everything that I've said up until this point makes it sound like every guy I've ever dated is a rebound. And I'm, you know, just constantly bouncing from one to the next because I'm, you know, desperate or whatever. And I, like, am just trying to find whoever will date me. That's not the full story, right? Two things can be happening at once. On one hand, I have been antsy to get into to my next relationship for a handful of reasons. But then on the other hand, I also have been presented the opportunity to date people that I. I really like and that I think I have potential with. Have they worked out? Obviously not, because look at me now, single once again. But, like, I really have liked all the guys that I've dated. So I don't want to negate the depth of those relationships by. By saying that I felt a bit maybe desperate or antsy in the past, because again, those two things have coexisted in my mind. The antsiness, but also the genuine connection. The mistake I've made in the past is rushing into relationships too quickly before I'm ready because of that antsiness, because of that desperation, because I. I've wanted to stick it to my ex, you know, because whatever the connection between me and the people I've dated have been good and strong in the beginning and exciting, but I think I got into them too quickly, you know, and perhaps for the wrong reasons. Once in those relationships, I would let them drag on for too long. Kind of dreading being single again and having to start the process all over again and being put back into that place of desperation, you know, Like, I have a tendency to really try to make whatever relationship I'm in work, even if it's so not working and even if it's so doesn't make sense. I definitely am the type to overstay my welcome in a relationship. I might start to realize that the relationship is not working. But instead of acting on that, I really try to fix it and fix it and fix it because I didn't want to be single. I also think too that I've avoided singlehood because ultimately it's my goal in life to get married and have a family and I'm looking for that partner. I'm in pursuit of that partner. And I think there's a part of me that is really scared of that process. I think that's very normal. There are so many people in this world. There are, there's so many options, but then there also aren't a lot of good options all at the same time. It's like, it's very daunting and it's very scary. And I think when I get into a relationship, I just want that to be the one I want to be done. Then when it doesn't work out, I'm like, fuck, I need to get back on the horse quickly and really like, and find the next one. Because otherwise I'll lose momentum and then I'll end up single for the rest of my life. Like, I feel like there's this fear of sort of losing momentum. And so that's another reason why I've avoided being single. And there's probably more reasons that I've yet to discover. But this time's different. I am not going into this next single era with that mindset. Now that I've matured and self reflected, I can't do that again, you know, like, I'm not going to do that again. And I think it's going to be much better. So much has changed about me as a person and so much about my life has changed. And I also think that's the other reason why I'm able to sit down here and Talk about this a week after it happened because I'm not as afraid of being single anymore. In fact, I'm actually kind of excited about it. Not to that is by no means disrespecting my ex at all. I'm sad. Don't get me wrong, I'm sad and it's not fun. Like, I'm not. I'm not having the best time right now. I'm keeping it together, but I'm sad. But I'm not scared like I used to be. And I'm also not in a state of desperation and panic, which is such a relief. I think the reason why this time is different is because, number one, my life is just so much better now than it used to be. I mean, listen, I still have my challenges, but overall my life is good. I have an amazing support system, a great relationship with my parents, amazing friends. I have a lot of hobbies and things that I love doing. I love watercolor. I love listening to music and maybe sometimes trying to play instruments, but then I sometimes then get sick of it and then don't do it anymore. I really thought that I was going to stick to playing instruments this most recent time that I picked it up, but that one didn't stick as well. I don't know why. I just can't. I was wrong anyway. But still, my work life is very busy and being busy is exciting. Even though it can be really stressful, it's very exciting. My life outside of work, romantic relationships is fulfilling and stimulating and exciting. And I don't feel like I have a gap that I'm trying to fill in my life with a relationship. In the past, I've always had like a gap, whether it was because I didn't have a good friend group or I didn't have any hobbies, or my work life was not exciting. And so in the past I've. I've had this sort of void to fill with a romantic relationship. And now I'm at a place in my life where I don't have a void to fill. A romantic relationship can come in and enhance my life, but it's not making my life. And in the past it was. But I think the reason why I. How I've been able to get to this point is just through work working, like working on my life, you know, like putting effort into my relationships, making time to figure out what kinds of hobbies and activities. I enjoy getting to a good place with my work life through restructuring things and constantly analyzing things. And I think that that comes with age. And life experience. I think it's very normal to be a young person and to have various voids that can be filled by relationships. But I'm not at that place anymore because I've worked very hard to get here. And now I'm, you know, experiencing the fruit of that labor. Not that it's even labor, but there's a level of discipline and I've worked very hard at that. And I think now that I'm at a place where that is very fulfilling, I don't need a partner to fill a gap. But also, too, my confidence is coming from a much more sustainable source these days than it used to. Also due to work that I've done on myself. Right? Like, I think when I was younger, I would place my self esteem and my confidence on things that were unsustainable. For example, how I looked or whether or not I had a boyfriend or whether or not a boy liked me like that I would unintentionally put my self worth in things like that, thus making me more dependent on validation from boys. Whereas now my self esteem, my confidence, my self worth is rooted in who I am as a person. And I've done so much work trying to be as good of a person as I can possibly be. And so now I'm not looking for validation from guys. I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode is brought.
- [16:13]
B
To you by Uber.
- [16:14]
A
You should check out Uber 1 for students. It comes with a bunch of perks, like $0 delivery fees, up to 10% off eligible orders, and 6% back in Uber credits on rides, plus daily freebies from your favorite brands. Try it out now and get your first four weeks free. Become an Uber one for Students member and start saving on Uber and Uber Eats eligibility and member terms apply. Now back to the episode next. I don't really feel the need to stick it to my ex anymore. I mean, with this particular breakup that I'm going through right now, I really don't feel the need to stick it to my ex. We're friends, you know. I mean, like, are we gonna be, like, are we like best friends, like, hanging out every day? I mean, no, that would be dating still. But, like, we're on great terms. The breakup was so beautiful and wonderful, as beautiful and wonderful as a breakup can be. And so, like, I don't want to stick it to him, you know, Like, I. If anything, I'm like, I want to be really tactful about how I proceed with dating moving forward because, like, out of respect for him in A way, like, I don't want to get into a relationship too quickly and, like, sort of disrespect him in that way. I don't know, like, or not disrespect him. I mean, I can do whatever I want now, right? Once you're not with somebody, you can do whatever you want. I could start dating somebody tomorrow, and that's not really his business anymore and vice versa. But it does feel a little bit icky to, like, get into a relationship too quickly after a breakup. Because I think in the case of most breakups, after a breakup, it's like, everyone should probably take a break. You know what I mean? So that we can all properly learn, heal, and then eventually move forward or who knows, get back together. I mean, that shit happens. But, like, I don't want to stick it to my exes. I actually, like, now I'm at a place now where I'm in a good place with all of them, or we just don't talk anymore at all. And I'm over it, and they're over it. No one cares. But I don't feel the need to stick it to anyone anymore. I'm completely over that. And I hope that I never feel that way again because it sucks. I think it is more challenging if, say, you know, you're dating somebody and then they cheat on you and then you're like, well, now I want to stick it to them because they fucking cheated on me, you know, but luckily, like, that's not going on. But also, I'm not. My ego's not as bruised because that's the other thing, right? Like, in the past, even if the breakups have been pretty amicable, I've still gotten a bruised ego and wanted to stick it to them. I think the reason why I don't feel that desire as much anymore is because as I mentioned earlier, my confidence is not. It's rooted in. It's rooted in me, you know, of course, it always feels good when, like, a guy flirts with me. It helps a little bit, but that's not my source of self esteem and self worth and confidence. Like, so my ego is not getting as bruised as well. But I'm also starting to realize too, how important being single is for ultimately finding the one in air quotes. I just did air quotes with my fingers. Okay? The one, you know, does the one. Does a soulmate exist? It's up for debate, right? But ultimately I will end up with someone who I might get divorced with. I'm gonna knock on wood to not jinx it. But, like, I will end up with the one. At some point, there's gonna be someone who I end up with, and for the sake of ease, I might as well call that person the One. But, like, I don't know if there's any such thing as a soulmate, right? But I've come to the conclusion through life experience that I think in order to find the one, I need to be single for a while and learn from that experience and grow from that experience in order to be in the place where. Where I can even find the one. Where it'll even make sense for us to be together. I'm realizing that how I used to think, like, oh, if I lose momentum and I'm single for too long, you know, I'm not going to find the one. I'm realizing now, no, like, being single is actually going to help me develop myself into a better, more evolved person so that I can find the one. But also, too, like, I'm 24. I, like, I don't need to settle down quite yet, you know, and that scares me to say out loud because I do still have a little. There's a little whisper in the back of my head that's like, well, but you better not get too comfortable being single because, you know, or else. Or else, next thing you know, you'll blink and you'll be 90 years old and you never found anyone. You know what I mean? I think I'm realizing that I can have the goal of wanting to find somebody that I'll be with for hopefully till death do us part. I can have the goal of wanting to find that and also allow myself to have a period of time in my 20s where I'm just exploring. It's now becoming clear to me that being single is a part of my personal journey to finding the One. I think that it's actually not as counterintuitive as I thought. It actually makes a lot of sense. Like, I need to grow as an individual before I can be in a relationship long term. Yes. Is it possible to get into a relationship at a really young age and. And grow and learn and become a solid individual within a relationship? Totally. I really do think that that's possible. Is it maybe more challenging? In some ways, I would say yes, but I think it's definitely possible. But it's clearly not my journey. Like, I'm realizing that. I'm like, no, if it was going to be my journey, it was going to be with the person. Like, and we're broken up now, you know what I mean it's like so no, I'm. Now I'm at this point and I'm realizing this is my time to be single, to develop myself, but also to explore. Like I want to explore different types of people in a non committal way. Not even necessarily sexually because as I said earlier, I'm not really that sexually driven. And I also don't like casual hookups. So that's probably not going to work out for me. Like I'm not going to explore people. Maybe, maybe I'll really. Like something will snap in my brain and I'll download a dating app and just start hooking up with everyone I can find. Like I don't know. Or start going out every weekend and hooking up. Like I don't know. I, who knows? That might be part of my journey, right? Like I always think I can predict how things are going to go and then I never really know what I'm going to do, right? But from what I know about myself right now and how I feel right now, I'm not probably going to be hooking up with people like that, but just even exploring other types of guys through friendship, just through conversation, through like a little flirt here and there, exposing myself to a bunch of different types of guys without any sort of feeling of being tied down I think is going to be really important for me in understanding what I'm looking for, you know, to help me develop my standards in a way even more so. And lastly, I think that being single is, is out of my comfort zone, right? It's something that I haven't really fully done. Like I've been single, but I haven't ever been single and like just enjoyed it and accepted it. It's always been for me this sort of limbo where it's like, well, I'm single but I'm heavily searching. I've never been single and just let things happen. I've never used it as a time to grow and self reflect and focus on myself and explore different types of people. Like I, I've just, it's always, always been this kind of chaotic time and I've never just sat in it. Do you know what I mean? It's still a temporary state for me. I don't think I'm not going to be single for the rest of my life again. Knock on wood. Don't want to jinx it. But I've never been single and like utilized it and like took advantage of it, you know what I mean? And like really let it be an era for me. Going out of my comfort zone and forcing myself in some ways to be single for at least a year. Like I'm going to grow from that experience and I'm excited in some ways to see what comes of it. You know, I think a lot of us look at being single as being a negative thing, but I have started to see the value in it. I've discovered so many potential benefits, things that seem actually really exciting. A time to self reflect, A time to focus on yourself. A time to feel free too. You know, I think changing the way I see singlehood has really helped me get to the point now where I'm ready to have my life, my single fucking era. I'm excited to become truly comfortable with being single so that I can be properly selective Moving forward, I can come from a place of security within myself. When I go back out and start dating again, I'm not making any choices out of desperation. Moving forward, I'm, I'm gonna. I'm excited to get to a point where I'm so comfortable being single that I. I'm only going to date someone that really has a lot of potential again. That's not to negate my connection with my past boyfriends. But like I also mentioned earlier, I was kind of overlooking some, I wouldn't say red flags, but maybe yellow flags. That is not helping me find the one, you know what I mean? That's just getting me into a relationship that I probably shouldn't be in. Not that that's a waste of time. Like we have to. This is how we learn in life, right? But now that I'm aware of how that was perhaps damaging, I'm excited to get to a point where I'm so comfortable being single that I'm not dating out of desperation at all. I'm coming from a place of complete security in myself and I'm not going to put up with any bullshit. If it's not working, it's not working and I'm going to get out of it, you know, I'm not going to linger around because maybe there's a little bit of potential or it's not that bad. It's like now anytime you make a decision out of desperation, it's usually not going to be good. In dating, you know, like that's, that's not good. I also think too that this era of being single will be healing for me because I've kind of never been able to fully properly heal from all of my exes in a way. Like even if we're on good terms Even if I kind of don't care about some of them anymore, I feel like because I've moved so quickly from one to the next, I feel like I've never been able to, like, properly just heal from all of them and truly let them all go. And, I mean, listen, I don't think you ever fully let go of an ex like they were. There's such a big part of your life, even if you only dated for a little while, every person you date and you have a intimate relationship with, they're gonna remain somewhere in your mind and in your heart for the rest of your life a little bit. But it would just be nice to fully recover before getting into my next relationship, because, by the way, based on my experience, getting into a new relationship doesn't properly heal the pain of the last breakup. It kind of masks it, but not super well. And so it's been really challenging for me on a personal level to be in a new relationship while grieving my last relationship. I've experienced that multiple times. And even if that doesn't impact the other person, which sometimes it can, if they feel like maybe a disconnect, even if they don't feel that, it's hard for me, it's like living a double life in a way sometimes, and I don't like that feeling, and I don't want to do it again. And so I'm excited to be single for a while so that I can properly recover. I'm excited to focus on my life. You know, relationships are a sacrifice, right? It's a time sacrifice. It's an emotional sacrifice. There's a lot of compromising. There's a lot of growing and a lot of pushing each other, and it's. It can be so wonderful and so beautiful, and it. It can really enhance your life, but it can also be so exhausting in a way, especially if you're not in the right place in your life to be in a relationship. And so I'm excited to just be able to focus on my. I feel I have a premonition that if I'm. I'm more selfish right now, it'll get me to a place later where I don't need to be as selfish. You know, if I get my fucking work done now, if I establish hobbies and integrate them into my routine, if I build a really solid, you know, support system, which I've already done, you know, a lot of that, I've really, you know, made a lot of headway there. If I'm selfish and I focus on those things and build as fulfilling of a life as I possibly can. Then I feel like later those things will be so ingrained in my life that I can then make the space for a partner and for a family. And it'll be easy because I don't know, I think that's wishful thinking to an extent. But I'm fucking 24. Like I, I can. I just have to be a little selfish right now. You know what I mean? I said this earlier, but I'm excited for the growth that's going to come from this. You know, Like I'm going to have a lot more time to self reflect. I'm facing a challenge. I'm getting out of my comfort zone. I'm inevitably going to grow and I. I'm really looking forward to that. The more I grow as a person, the more fulfilling I've found my life becomes. This episode is brought to you by.
- [28:43]
B
Degree Original Cool Rush, the iconic scent that's back and better than ever. When a guy walks by and smells.
- [28:50]
A
Amazing, that's not magic. Chances are it's just Cool Rush. It's the kind of bold, fresh scent.
- [28:57]
B
That people actually notice. With sweat protection that lasts all day. It's perfect for your boyfriend, dad, roommate.
- [29:04]
A
Or any guy in your life.
- [29:05]
B
Head to Walmart or Target to grab.
- [29:07]
A
Degree Cool Rush, the fan favorite scent from the world's number one antiperspirant brand.
- [29:13]
B
This episode is brought to you by HBO Max. Rachel Sennett's new HBO original comedy series, I Love la is now streaming. The breakout star of Bottoms in Shiva Baby brings a new show about a young, ambitious friend group navigating life and love in Los Angeles. Senate stars alongside Jordan Firstman, Josh Hutcherson, Odessa Azaian and True Whitaker. Don't miss all new episodes of I Love LA, Sundays at 10:30pm exclusively on HBO Max. Subscription required. Visit HBOMax.com for details.
- [29:49]
A
This episode is brought to you by Panda Express. There are a lot of ways to say I love you. You can write a song, recite a poem, or just, you know, verbally say I love you. Or you could say it with delicious wok fired food. So take your friends, family or hopeful romantic partner to Panda Express and say it with menu favorites like orange chicken, broccoli, beef or honey walnut shrimp. Or if they're vegetarian like me, the chow mein and super greens are great options too. Panda Express have you eaten yet? Order now or find your nearest store@panda express.com this episode is brought to you.
- [30:25]
B
By Jo Malone London. Here's a little tip for A great holiday gift scent is a perfect way.
- [30:30]
A
To elevate your everyday.
- [30:32]
B
And Jo Malone London makes it effortless. They've got something for everyone, like limited edition gift sets, candles and diffusers, plus their scent of the season. Sandalwood and spiced apricot. Warm, a little spicy and a little sweet.
- [30:45]
A
You'll be obsessed.
- [30:47]
B
Whoever you're getting a gift for, shop holiday favorites@jo malone.com or at a Jo Malone London store near you.
- [30:53]
A
And last but not least, I'm, like, excited to see who comes into my life. Friends, potentially my husband, who knows? Like, I'm just excited to see who comes into my life when I'm not chasing, but rather I'm attracting, romantic or otherwise. I don't know. It's gonna be. It's gonna be so funny. It's gonna be so. Because I have all these ideas about how this single era is gonna go, right? Like, I want to be single for about a year. I feel like that's a healthy amount of time for me, you know, or longer, if. If it makes sense. Not too long, though, he. Please. But, like, long enough. You know what I mean? Long enough to fully have a single era, you know? And I also don't plan on doing too much super casual dating, but, like, watch me, literally next weekend, just go on an absolute rampage and start hooking up with everyone, everyone who wants to hook up with me. And then, like, I have. And then in three weeks, I have a new boyfriend. I'm a little worried about that, but it's ultimately in my control. I'm somebody who really likes to plan, and so I'm, like, trying to plan what I want this single era to look like. And I also know too, that I don't really know what it's going to look like. I don't really know what's going to happen. I don't really know. I can't predict anything. Like, I could want to be single for a year, and in six months, who knows? Like, I could get back together with my ex that I just broke up. Like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. And so basically why I'm saying that is I'm just hypothesizing, really. I don't really know what I'm gonna do. I don't really know what's gonna happen. I don't really know what I'm gonna discover along the way and how that's gonna impact how this. How this era goes for me. But I will say I'm. I'm not feeling completely Depressed and broken. Because I think it is something that I need and I don't know, I'm curious to see how it goes. I will say though, even though I'm talking about this single era, I hate the word era. There's something cringe about it to me, but I don't know another word for it. What could be another word for era? Like there isn't another one. Era is the only shy thesaurus. Okay, here are the. The thesaurus. Oh my God. I can't say that the thesaurus results for era, age, cycle, day, generation, stage, term, time. Yeah, maybe instead of calling it single era, I could call it my single cycle. I don't like that. That doesn't really make sense. Single stage. That's kind of good. Single term. Single time. Single time is kind of good. Well, I'll. I'll experiment and we'll see which one I like. But anyway, even though I'm speaking as though I'm really looking forward to my single time, and it's like all butterflies and rainbows, I still have a lot of fears going into this phase. One of the fears that I'm having is that I'll never find someone again. I will be single forever. This is so common. I've experienced this fear every single time I've ever been single. It's now the least strong that it's ever been, but I still do fear that. But I just have to trust the universe. You know, not everybody finds solace in, in spirituality, but for me, I don't really know what's going on up there, you know, in the heavens, if you will. I don't. I don't really know. But sometimes there's certain situations where I'm like, I just have to trust the universe on this one and trust that.
- [34:16]
B
What'S meant to happen in this particular situation will happen.
- [34:20]
A
But is there a chance that I might be single for the rest of my life? I guess, I guess. Yeah, maybe. But I don't think so. I keep knocking on wood. I, like, can't handle it. I have to knock on wood. Um, but I'm just choosing to trust the universe on that. I'm also afraid that I'm going to get into another relationship too fast and end up getting hurt again unnecessarily, like for no reason. Like, I know that I shouldn't do that, but I'm scared that I'm going to get tempted, I'm going to meet somebody, I'm going to really like them, and then I gonna go into that relationship too soon. Without healing from the last one. And I'm not gonna have restraint and say, no, we need to wait. I'm just gonna get right into it. And then I'm gonna ignore the red flags, or I'm gonna ignore the yellow flags. I should say I'm gonna ignore the yellow flags again. And then I'm scared that I think I've learned from my past and that I haven't. But how I combat that fear is I just remind myself that it's in my control. It's up to me. And I think now that I've come to all these conclusions, I think it would be hard to go back on them. Like, I'm so aware of these things now that I'll catch myself making these mistakes if I make them. And I'll catch it before it gets too bad, you know? And the last fear is always this one's. This one goes deep. This one's kind of embarrassing to admit. It's not embarrassing. It's so real. Everybody experiences this. But I also have a really hard time with my exes moving on before me, you know? And I'm afraid of how I'll feel if they get into a relationship. And then I feel like it'll de. I'm scared it'll derail me, you know what I mean? From staying on track and remaining single. Like, it's one thing. It's. It's easy to be single when you know your ex is single too. It's tough to be single when you see on Instagram that your ex is no longer single. Then all of a sudden, it's like, wait, no, I need to do it too. So I'm a little bit afraid of that. But what I have to remind myself of is that it has nothing to do with me anymore. We broke up for a reason, and what you can't see doesn't exist. So I'm just not gonna look. It's like you just can't look. And you just have to fucking have discipline to not dig into it and look into it and then, you know, spiral about it. Like, I just have to have self control. And again, that's in my control, right? I can't control if my ex or any of my exes get into relationships. I can control whether or not I expose myself to it. I don't need to see that or hear about that or know about that.
- [36:35]
B
That's.
- [36:35]
A
That part's in my control anyway. It's not going to be easy, necessarily, but it's going to be worth it. And I just can't believe I'm here again. It's like, oh, every time I get into a relationship, I'm like, oops. Getting married, it's so toxic. And then. And then I don't marry them. You know what I mean? And it doesn't work out. But you know what? I have no clue what's going to happen. I'm not even going to pretend to have a clue about what's going to happen. So I'm just gonna sit back, relax and enjoy the ride and do all the right things that will guide me in the right direction of getting where I wanna be in my romantic life. I'll keep you all updated. But seriously, you know what? I wonder? I wonder what my future husband is doing right now. Like, what's he doing? What do you guys think he's doing? Is he pooping a little? Or maybe he's cooking dinner. What is he making? Is he making? Hopefully something, like, really good, like, yummy. Because I would love to date somebody or marry somebody who can really cook good. It's fine if they can't, but wow, that'd be awesome. Like, I hope my future husband's cooking like. Like a gorgeous, like, roasted. What do I want him to be cooking? I don't even know. What do I even like to eat? Ooh, I hope he's making, like, a gorgeous soup. Like a yummy, gorgeous, like, autumn soup. And then, like, slicing up bread with butter on the side. And then there's, like, some other fun stuff. And then, like, by the way, he's not doing that. I think it's wishful thinking. But anyway, that's all for today, you guys. Listen, I'm not gonna lie. If I. If in the coming months, I'm sometimes a little bit sad, it's because I'm going through a breakup, okay? It's never easy. It's been a week. We're just getting started with this. You know what I mean? But I actually think I'm gonna be good. I think I'm gonna be good and everything will be fine. But if I do seem a little bit sad sometimes, just chalk it up to that. Okay? I also want to say that my ex, whom I just broke up with, and I discussed me making this episode, he is fully okay with me making this episode. I'm not, like, exposing anything, you know, about the relationship. Like, he's. He's cool with it. And so don't think I'm, like, I'm not. I would not have discussed this with you all if he was not comfortable with it, and I appreciate you all listening to me ramble. It is always a pleasure. No matter what I'm going through in my life, I know I can sit down here and shoot the shit with you all about it, and that is something I'm incredibly grateful for. So thank you for coming and hanging out. It's always a pleasure. New episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. If you want to watch video that's on YouTube and Spotify. Although audio is available anywhere you stream podcasts, Anything Goes is on social media. Anything Goes. I'm on the Internet at Emma Chamberlain and my coffee company is on the Internet and in the world. Amberlin Coffee. I will talk to you all in a few days. I love you, I appreciate you, and let the single era commence. Bye.