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There have been many instances in my life where I've expected an experience to feel a certain way. And then upon experiencing it, I've realized, wait a minute, this isn't what I expected at all. And I think that's because a lot of times our expectations about things are rooted in a fantasy. Like when it comes to dating and relationships. I formed my expectation on love stories that I've seen in the media. You know, when I got a little bit older, I learned about getting my shit together and having a good routine from watching other people on the Internet. Something edited, something curated, something dramaticized. And it's led me to feel at times like there's something wrong with me. But what I've come to the conclusion of and what my elders have instilled in me is that these expectations that we have about certain life experiences, that they're gonna bring us maximum fulfillment and feelings of euphoria. That's not realistic. And there's nothing wrong with me other than my expectations. We're only capable of feeling a certain range of emotions. If we choose to have realistic expectations, we can actually enjoy things in life much more. And so today I thought I'd share some of the expectations versus reality that I've experienced in my life in the least for some entertainment for you, but potentially to help put things into perspective for you as well. So here are some expectations versus reality that I've experienced. Okay. This episode is presented to you by ebay. We all have that piece. You know the one, the thing that's so you. You've basically become known for it. And if you don't have yours yet, you'll find it on ebay. Let me put you on people. Ebay is where you'll find those. One of a kind. Can't stop researching. Stay up. Dreaming about pieces again and again and again. I'm talking about that off the Runway red leather bomber. You've had your eye on the trendy top with the cowboy on it. Or that sleek fleece from the 2017 colorway. All of these finds are on ebay and they even offer millions of main character pieces backed by authenticity guarantee. Ebay is the place for pre loved and vintage fashion. Ebay, things people love. Starting out with, feeling comfortable, hanging out alone. I'm an only child, so I've always been been sort of independent because my parents were working and I was at home. Like, what do I do? I watched a lot of YouTube, but as I got older, I started to develop this expectation that I could find a sense of true excitement when Hanging out alone, that that was possible and that I had yet to unlock it. And the reality of the situation is no. Hanging out with people is always going to be more exciting. You're going to laugh more, you have somebody to talk to. You're getting to experience something with somebody else, which naturally just makes the experience so different. It's just going to feel more energetic and alive and electric. Hanging out alone is wonderful, but in a very different way. It's quiet. You can become introspective pretty easily. It can be recharging, it can be relaxing, it can be productive. And at its best, it can even be kind of fun. Like, for example, I actually think it's really fun to, at the end of the workday, turn on a YouTube video, cook dinner and eat it. Like, that's so fun. Although, am I really alone? I don't know, because I'm watching a YouTube video. So that's actually interesting that that's the first thing that came to mind because I'm not really alone. I'm fully watching another human being. But even, like, I even enjoy, like, walking around the house and cleaning sometimes. Like, I. I find that to be satisfying. I find that to be nice. I like going and shopping by myself even. But it's never going to be as fun and as exciting as doing those things with other people. It's just never going to be the same. And that's okay. Hanging out alone just serves a different purpose. That really became clear to me when I started traveling with other people in the beginning of my career, when I started traveling for work a lot. I traveled alone for the most part, and I actually did enjoy that time. But then I got to this point where I was like, you know what? Like, I'm start bringing my dad along, or, you know, if there's like a friend who wants to come along, or, you know, oh, I'm going to Fashion Week and Jared and I are going, like, naturally. I just kind of stopped traveling alone and the trips became much more fun. Listen, I've experienced some challenges from not traveling alone anymore, where I feel like now I almost fear traveling alone because I'm so used to traveling with people, and that's a problem in itself. But the nature of the trips have changed a lot. It's because I get to experience these places with other people. I love being alone more than ever now because I know what it is. But I think a lot of people crave this sort of wild independence. I think a lot of people think the ultimate flex would be to be able to Be alone for like six months straight and never even notice because you're so fulfilled with yourself that you don't even need to be around other people. But I actually think that's unrealistic. And the more that I've read about human nature, the more I've realized that we need people. And I think this is something that comes more natural to people who are very much introverted. Introverted people are hyper aware of the recharging benefits of being alone. People who are particularly extroverted. This does not come natural at all. And I do think that we should all know how to be comfortable by ourselves. But I think in order to do that, it must be realized that it's never gonna be the same or feel the same as being with others. Okay, next. Being in a healthy romantic relationship. Okay. I expected that being in a healthy relationship would be seamless. It would feel easy. I would never question if it's right. There wouldn't be disagreements. It would just be so fucking obvious that this is the person for me. You know, I'm not even talking about, like, being with your soulmate, but I'm more just talking about being in a healthy relationship that makes sense in the moment. I'm not even talking about, like, being with the one. And I don't know if I. I don't even know what that. Like, I don't know what that is. I don't know if it's real. I don't know if it'll ever happen. I don't. I don't know. But I've spoken to the people in my life, the elders in my life. People who are married have been married for years, some divorced, some still together. In every single older, wiser person I've talked to has been like, yeah, that doesn't really exist. It isn't this perfect, obvious, easy, natural experience. A healthy relationship still comes with a slew of challenges. And that makes sense. Like, there is no two people on this planet who are exactly the same. To the point where there's never going to be conflict or. Or tension or anything like that. But also, even if you did find that, there would be issues than that. If you were to find somebody who is exactly like you, to the point where it's like, how could we ever disagree? We literally are the same person. If you were to clone yourself and date yourself, there would still be issues. You're not pushing each other to grow because you're the same person. Relationships are so valuable because we can learn from our partner. And so if you're exactly the same. What is there to learn? There's no different experiences to share. There's no different perspectives to share. You're in an echo chamber. You know, I think relationships are so valuable because there is tension at times, because there are disagreements at times. And I've talked about this ad nauseam on this podcast, so I won't go too far into it. But it's like, if there's no friction at all in the relationship, then you're probably not growing in it. And that's, in my opinion, not getting the full value of a relationship. I think if you're in an echo chamber and there's never any discomfort, you're not going to be pushed to be better. You'll be complacent. But also, human beings are flawed, and those are gonna be the most evident to those that we are dating. I think the nature of romantic relationships is compromise, and that's what makes it so powerful, the fact that you have to compromise, that it's not that easy. It's not the most natural, perfect. Oh, my God, it was love at first sight. And then we've always been happy ever since, and everything has just made sense. That weirdly lacks depth. To me, the depth of a relationship comes from the. The fact that you have to overcome challenges. You have to choose every day to love one another, even in moments when it's challenging. Some days that decision is super easy, and some days it's fucking hard. But that push and pull is what creates a deeper, more meaningful bond. But I think the problem that we can get ourselves into in life is we can expect relationships to be perfect. And when they're not, inevitably we can throw those relationships away. And it's a shame, because it's like sometimes we'll throw away a relationship that actually was making us better. But it's really tough, though, to distinguish sometimes because we can also stay in a relationship for too long being like, yeah, well, nothing's perfect, but it's like, okay, but this is actually, like, really not. Not perfect. Like, to the point, like, this is really bad. You know, it's hard to distinguish at times what's going on. I mean, listen, I'm not trying to oversimplify this because I know it's so complicated, but like, I. I've talked to so many old married couples, and this is. This is the feeling, this is the experience. This is universal. And I've experienced it myself. I've experienced bad relationships, but I've also experienced good ones. And I know that even the good ones are complicated. Oftentimes the good ones are maybe even more complicated. I. I'm starting to realize, I don't know, I still have a lot to learn about relationships and I don't necessarily want to. Like, I'm not. A lot of the. The facts that I'm speaking are not even necessarily my own. They're also gathered from, like, asking other people for advice and like, picking their brains about it. But I don't know, I just. I don't believe that healthy relationships are as seamless as we tend to expect them to be. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Have you ever been shopping online and the website just gave you the ick? Let me tell you, that wouldn't happen if they used Squarespace. Squarespace Design Intelligence empowers anyone to build beautiful, more personalized websites tailored to your unique needs. 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Like if I just was in better shape, got rid of my acne, got a cool haircut, got my lips done, if I just got a boob job, if I just did this, if I just did that, everything in my life would feel better. My confidence would explode, my self esteem would improve miraculously and everything would just be so much better. To the point where like I'd feel a way that I've never felt before, I'd feel so good that like nothing could ever stand in my way again. Like I think we expect that. Yes, I do think that altering our appearance can impact our self esteem, our confidence. I've never gotten any cosmetic procedures done like you know, botox or filler or whatever. I've never gotten, like, a boob job. Like, I haven't done anything like that. But I've gone on acne medication. I had bad acne. I went on a severe, serious acne medication for seven months of my life. And then I've gone on to go on medications to help regulate my hormones because I have pcos. And that was also giving me acne and impacting other things. And I've had moments in my life where I've been like, okay, I'm gonna get in really good shape. And I've changed my lifestyle to whatever. I've done all that stuff. I get it. It can solve some problems, but significantly less than I think a lot of us expect. And I think the reality of that can be really tough to deal with, and it can lead us to go to extreme lengths. Okay, I've experienced this. I've been like, if I just get in really good shape, everything's gonna be better in my life. I'm strong. I'm eating really well. I'm getting my fiber in. I'm pooping, you know, at a. At a good rate, everything. I'm healthy. I'm so healthy, taking such good care of myself. But it doesn't feel like enough. And there have been many instances in my life where I've then proceeded to take it too far, because I'm waiting. I'm waiting for it to make me feel, like, almost euphoric. And it doesn't. I've done that many times in my life. I love to do that. It's like a reoccurring thing. I love it. It's like, oh, took it too far again. Oops. But that's like, a common challenge, and it makes complete sense, but it's because the expectation was too high. Whereas now, thank God, I understand, like, the reality of making changes to my body is that it might help me 20% in my life. It might solve 20% of the issues that I thought it would maybe solve. But there's a lot left. Even with confidence. It's like, yeah, it can maybe help my confidence, 10, 20%. But the rest of that 80% goes far deeper, requires far more attention. Self esteem and confidence is far more complicated than that. You know, next, having your shit together. To use a TikTok buzzword, to be living like that girl. Okay, now you can live like that girl and not be a girl. Okay? That's just like, the terminology that, like, I. That comes to mind when I think of this. This is not a new concept. The, like, that Girl, morning routine. Waking up at 6am, journaling, making the water with the lemon, having a matcha, going to Pilates, then going to work and having perfect, cute little pens to do the work with. And then, you know, you know, coming home at the end of the day and like, getting into really chic little PJs and then, you know, making a super aesthetically pleasing dinner and like, drinking some sort of mocktail, and then going to bed at 9pm with a gorgeous room with candles on. And there's the tv. You get what I'm saying? There's so many different other versions of this. That's just the one that I think became the most popular and the most, like, commonly known on social media. Anyways, that girl, I think a lot of us feel like if we were to have a routine like that, every day would just flow. The routine would become solidified, and then it would just be this. You would just be able to float through it every day in a way that feels so seamless and so easy and so organized and so perfect that everything would look aesthetic all the time and that the results would come quickly, you know, because the whole idea of having your shit together is that you're productive, you're getting a lot of shit done, health goals, work goals, whatever. I do think that there's actually a lot of value. Like, okay, there's a lot to this. Do I think that these idyllic, perfectly filmed and edited and curated routines on the Internet are, to an extent, unrealistic? Yes, I think the way that they're filmed and edited naturally makes them feel different than they actually are in real life. However, do I think that that's, like, wrong for people to share? No, because I think that's the nature of everything on the Internet. Like, that's the nature of my YouTube videos, my Instagram posts. Like, everything is edited. The nature of the Internet is that things are curated, that things are explained in a way that's simplified. Like, it's impossible to express things otherwise. But I think naturally we tend to take it as fact, as what it is, is what it looks like. And there's a lot more to it. I think living a productive life, living a disciplined life, it's brought me so much value in my life. Like, I actually think this is one of the expectations versus realities, where I actually think the reality is it's actually pretty good. Having a strong routine, being disciplined helps build confidence. It helps us get more done in our lives. It gives us structure so that we can thrive within. Like, structure can at Times give us the intention that we need. I think where the expectation versus reality really is strong is what it actually looks like and feels like to exist in a routine like that. It oftentimes isn't as seamless as it looks or as we assume it to be. Like I would say at this point in my life, I have my shit together more than I've ever had my shit together. Because I will be honest, I have not had my shit together for, for like my whole life. Like when I first moved to L. A. Did not have my shit together. Didn't have good boundaries with like my social life versus my work life. Would overwork myself to the point of burnout and then not be able to get anything done for like a month. Was emotionally all over the place because I wasn't really like self regulating myself very well. I didn't take very good care of myself. I didn't sleep a lot. But I also didn't exercise and I didn't eat well. Like I would literally just like eat an entire box of Cheez. Its for like my meal. Like that would be my food that day. Like I would just like every like hour I'd go and have another handful. Listen, there are moments in our lives when we're gonna exist that way and there's nothing wrong with that. Like that's sometimes just survival. We can't always have our shit together. That's just not always gonna be the case. But I think the reality of it is it's just not as perfect as it seems. Like even when you have a perfect routine, there are going to be times when you sleep through your, your alarm and you don't get to go to your fucking Pilates class. Okay? There are going to be times when you show up to work and you feel burnt out and you know your cute little colored pens that you use in your cute little keyboard for your computer isn't enough to make you feel better and you get nothing done and you're in a bad mood. There are going to be times when you come home at the end of the day and you're like, I can't fucking cook and, and you eat cheese. Like there's going to be lapses in the routine you might expect because your routine is so good and you have your shit together that you're going to see results a lot quicker than you're actually going to see results. Results do still take a long time to see. And even though having your shit together can solve a lot of problems. It absolutely can. More so than say changing Your appearance or being in a happy relationship or something. Like, there's always still things that need to be worked on. And I think the reality of it too is, and I. This is very important to mention is that having your shit together is not always going to be perfectly esthetically pleasing. And it doesn't need to be, and it doesn't have to be, and it shouldn't be, and it probably won't be. And if it will or. And if it does, okay, that's great for you, but it's. That's also not always the reality of having your shit together. Like, you can have your shit together and it not be Instagram ready, and it doesn't need to be. That's just one way to have your shit together. And I understand some of the criticism. There's a lot of times criticism about perhaps over consuming products to make the routine look a certain way. Listen, I am not going to police how other people spend their money in, you know, like, that's not my place. Do I maybe think that sometimes it's taken too far and there is a level of like, buying so much stuff to, like, upkeep this sort of aesthetic lifestyle? Do I think that that can be taken too far? Yes. Do I also think that that can be done in a way that is responsible? Like, if you want to have an esthetic morning routine and that means you want to buy a really beautiful coffee mug that you're going to use every morning. I'm sorry, I don't see anything wrong with that. If you're going to Pilates every morning and that's a part of your routine and you're wearing exercise clothes every day and, you know, you buy a new workout set that's really cute and you're wearing it all the time, like, what's. There's nothing wrong with that. I think it gets to a. A level where it's ridiculous when it's like, perhaps influencers are maybe buying new. Like, they're buying, like they want to wear a new workout set in every single routine video. You know what I mean? If every time there's a new sort of lifestyle wellness trend, it's individuals are like buying everything every single time. Even when it's like, okay, there's like a new viral cup, and now all of a sudden you need to buy the new viral cup. But the reality doesn't always need to look that way. Like, there's no right or wrong way to do it. It just has to work for you. And it just. And it should be somewhat Responsible. And that's it. And I'm saying more so responsible for. For people who maybe prefer a more aesthetic sort of version of having your shit together, you know? I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Uber. Heading back to campus this fall, you should check out Uber 1 for students. 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If you climb the mountain and you get to the top and you look down, you see, you see the Earth that you already knew. And that's beautiful, but it's not a feeling you've never felt before. You know everything is relative, right? So when you were a kid and maybe you accomplished a small goal, right, that in retrospect seems minute, but you experienced a feeling of excitement because you accomplished a goal. That feeling is the same even when you're an adult and you experience like a much bigger, more significant life goal. I've yet to experience, like a new feeling from accomplishing a goal. It doesn't unlock a feeling I've never experienced before. We expect almost some sort of like, supernatural feeling, like, oh, if I accomplish that goal, like, I'm going to literally, like transcend. It's like, no, you can only, like, we only have a certain range of emotions. And to further this sort of mountain metaphor, it's like you climb the mountain, you get to the top, and it does feel amazing, but it doesn't feel as euphoric as you expect it to. And you can't stay at the top of the mountain forever because at the top of the mountain, it's like there's not much you can really do. Up there. When you're climbing up the mountain, there's a lot to do, you know, you need to feed yourself. This is a metaphor. Just stick with me. You need to feed yourself. You need to camp out. You need to deal with rough terrain. You need to keep pushing and pushing and pushing, because at the end of it, you're going to be at the top of this mountain. But there's something to work for. Once you're at the top of this mountain, there's nothing to work for anymore. You can enjoy that feeling of satisfaction for a period of time, but eventually it wears off. You have to go back to reality. And going back to reality means climbing down the mountain and then finding a new mountain to climb up. That's how this works. You sit at the mount at the top of the mountain long enough and you're like, ugh, fuck, I'm bored now. You think you're gonna accomplish some sort of big goal and that it's gonna fulfill everything in your life. You're gonna never wanna, you're gonna never feel like you need to accomplish anything again. You're gonna be done. There's no such thing as being done. There's always another mountain you're gonna wanna climb. And so I think it can be really valuable, at least. What I've realized in my life is to accomplish things and to enjoy that feeling of, of satisfaction and fulfillment and, and proudness of myself. Proudness is even a word. But to know that, like, that's not the end. I'm not transcending into nirvana. There's still more to do. I, I, I think, you know, when I look back at, like, accomplishing my first major goal in my life, I was like, am I, like, emotionally broken? Because I'm not. Doesn't feel that crazy. It made it harder for me to enjoy the accomplishment, whereas now it's a bit easier for me to enjoy my accomplishments because I have a realistic expectation about how it's going to feel to accomplish things. It's going to feel good, but it's not going to feel magical. Once we realize that that doesn't exist, we can actually appreciate and enjoy the magic that is just simply accomplishing something. A wonderful feeling that's just much more subtle. Next, traveling. I think a lot of times we think traveling will sort of allow us a break from our lives. Oh, if I just pick myself up out of where I am, out of my world, and I put myself out there and I'm able to explore and talk to new people, get away from everybody who knows Me get away from everybody who has context. I get to be brand new. We expect our problems to be left at home. We expect it to be naturally just fun and exciting because it's a luxury. It's something that's so deeply romanticized. I've done a lot of traveling in my life. I didn't travel very much as a young person. I would go on maybe one trip a year. And then now for my job, I travel significantly more and to faraway places as well. And when I first started traveling a lot, I, I, I started to notice myself sort of like, getting excited to travel because I was like, oh, I can, like, get away from my life. I can't tell you how many times I've gone on a trip and I have not escaped. My life has followed me. And I can't tell you how many times I've tried to extend trips to see if at, at a certain point, like, maybe it'll help. No, no. But also, I think I've gone on trips being like, oh, this is going to be so fun. It's going to be so easy. Traveling is not. It's not easy. I don't care what anyone says. You know, dealing with flight delays, dealing with a flight being canceled, dealing with getting to the airport late, dealing with trying to call, like, an Uber and like an Uber not coming when you need to be taken to, to the airport. And then you're like, late, and then, and then you. And then it's like. Or there's no Ubers available, and then you're like, what the do I do? Or like, you lose something while you're on the trip, and then it's like, oh, my God, but I needed that. Or you forgot something at home, you get lost and your phone dies. Like, there's so many things that happen when you're traveling that don't happen to you at home that are incredibly challenging. And listen, is that a part of the adventure? Fuck yes, it absolutely is. But I think a lot of times we think about travel and we're like, oh, it's just going to be this wonderful, easy experience. I'm going to get on the plane and I'm going to watch a movie, and then I'm going to land, and then it's going to be so fun because I'm going to be on vacation. And it's like, it's not always that way. Sometimes it's like your flight's delayed, and then you finally get on the plane, and then you get on the plane and then your back hurts. And then you're hungry, and then your stomach hurts because the being on the plane makes your stomach hurt. And then, you know, you land in and you can't, there's no taxi available. And then you, like get to your hotel and it's like, you know, maybe the hotel wasn't as good as you thought it was going to be. You know, you paid a certain amount of money and you expected something. And then you get there and it's not living up. Maybe your room isn't ready. Maybe your reservation didn't go there. Like, shit always happens with travel. So from like an emotional level, travel doesn't erase your problems like you might want it to. And then from a literal level, I think we expect the travel experience to be much smoother than it usually is. Traveling is not a smooth experience by any stretch of the imagination. You could do everything right. You could, like, win a fucking sweepstakes, okay, where you have like an all inclusive vacation. You're flying on a private jet. You could have the dream vacation. And travel is just tough. I mean, that would be really fun. But you get what I'm saying. Like, you gotta be like, mentally tough to travel. Even if, I don't know, it's just like, it's a tough experience. I don't know. I mean, I think more importantly, the emotional element of like, oh, I'm gonna leave all this shit at home, and then it follows you there. I mean, I think actually the reality of it is that you can be left with some time for. For reflection. And so sometimes being on vacation can actually exacerbate your problems at home. Like, I can give a specific example. There was a time when I was going through some relationship challenges. It was really tough, kind of knowing that the relationship is ending. And I was really struggling to communicate with my boyfriend at the time. And so we, like, weren't really working through the challenging time together. It was more just like there was no talking. And it was sort of this weird feeling anyway, it was driving me nuts, right? And so I decided to go on a vacation with my dad, just the two of us, to Europe. I was like, fuck it. Let's go on this European vacation. Let's have so much fun. Let's just. Let me. I just need to get away. It was. I cried every day on this trip because I was so fucking heartbroken about my situation. I was miserable, sobbing, depressed. I was almost like more depressed on this trip than I was when I was at home because I didn't have my routine, I didn't have any structure. I was just and I was left with a lot of time to think because I was on vacation and my poor dad had to deal with me and being in a terrible place. This episode is brought to you by Cozy. Getting your home to not just look right, but also feel right is so important. I think what I love most about my home is how there are so many little details around the house that bring me so much joy. One place that I hang out a lot is my couch. I take naps on there. I get a bunch of work done on there. When I'm shopping for a piece of furniture or home furnishing, I'm looking for something that's comfortable but also fun to look at. That's why you've gotta love Cozy. Their furniture is modern, practical and designed to make your day to day feel a little more, well, cozy. They're modular and customizable. So if you wake up one day with the urge for a new look, cozy makes it so easy easily. Switch up the layout, switch up the style, switch up the color. 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Like it just never crossed my mind. If you love a good pairing like I do, new Welch's Fusions are so good. Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors and one juicy bite. One flavor on the outside, another on the inside. It's an unbelievable taste sensation, so I recommend them for experienced taste buds only. You've been warned. New Welch's Fusions Please fuse responsibly. Speaking of Challenging romantic relationships. Let me paint a picture for you, okay? You're dating somebody. The relationship's serious, but it doesn't work out. You break up, okay? The breakup's incredibly tough for you. It's like crying, crying, crying for like, a week straight. Then you finally start to feel better. And then, like, three months later, you're feeling a lot better, but you're not feeling closure yet. And so you start to crave one final conversation with your ex. You start to convince yourself one more conversation will allow you to put it to rest. You have a few unanswered questions, a few things that you want to just know for sure about the relationship and what it was so that you can finally let it go. And you expect it to fix everything. You expect it to allow you to feel that closure that you've been craving so much after this conversation. Not going to think about it anymore. It's just not going to haunt me as much anymore. Talking to my ex one final time and getting on the same page, understanding what went wrong. Wrap it up and put a bow on it. And it'll just release this feeling of discomfort. And so you reach out to your ex and you're like, hey, you know, I just want to have one final conversation. You know, I just feel like there's some things that have been left unsaid. And I just think if we were to get on the same page, chat it out, I think it would be really helpful for me to. To get closure and for you to get closure. And so you call your ex up and you start chatting, and you start chatting, and you're having the conversation you expected to have. But then you hang up the phone, and instead of feeling this magical, mystical relief, you actually have less closure than you had before. You feel more confused, more unresolved. You just ripped back open a wound when you first break up. You have a big, fleshy, open, bloody wound. Sorry, Gore. Gore. Warning. You have a big wound, a huge cut, okay? Every single day that goes by, the wound starts to heal itself, obviously. And three months down the line, you still have that wound. It's a big scab that can take, like, months and months and months, years even, to heal. And you might always be left with a scar. Usually you are left with a scar. It is the exact same thing with relationships. But see, here's where this sort of conversation fucks up with the healing. The only way to let that wound heal is to not talk to your ex, to build a life without them in it. And so the second you go and you talk to them. You're not gonna get closure. You're gonna reopen the wound all over again. And your guts are falling out all over again. And now you have to start over. I've done this so many times where I think I'm like, no, if I just had one more conversation with them, though, like, it would just like. Because then, like, we could be friends and we could like. And then it would be like. And then it would be so good. And then we could be friends, and then we would. And then we would like. And then I would feel better, and then I wouldn't be thinking about it as much because I would feel like. Because I wouldn't have all these questions and that are gone unanswered. And it's like, no, no. You know, a conversation like that might answer a question or two, but that's not going to help with the closure. The closure comes from distance. I think you just have to go far, far away for as long as possible until that wound fully heals and turns into a scar. And then maybe one day, once it's scarred up, like, it's tough. You know what I mean? That's skin again. Only then can you maybe talk to your ex and get closure. But that might be five years down the line. It probably will be that, like, three months in conversation. Foreclosure. No, you're lying to yourself. It. Your expectation is not even. It's not rooted in reality. It's just rooted in you wanting to talk to your ex because you miss them. Moving on. Next. I think a lot of us think practicing self reflection looks and feels very different than it actually is. Like, I used to feel like self reflection was. There's a beetle in my room. It's not moving. But why is it here? Oh, no, it is moving. Okay, well, I have a little. Now I have a third pet. I have two cats. And now I have a beetle. So that's very exciting. I'm gonna let it be. But I will be putting it outside after this, and if I start seeing it flying, you will. I will scream. Okay. Anyway, I think a lot of us think that practicing self reflection is a very organized, structured activity. Like, I have to be a. A avid journaler. I have to sit down for 10 minutes a day and stare at the wall and think about myself. And I found that practicing self reflection in life is often a much more like, fluid sort of practice. Like, I'm self reflecting all the time in little ways. It's not like I think structured self reflection can be a great way of getting yourself into the groove of it. But a lot of times it's not like a sustainable habit for all of us. Like for me, there are times in my life where I'm not self reflecting and I need to. So I'll do something a bit more extreme and maybe I'll sit down and I'll journal, you know, and I'll get into the routine of journaling for a bit. But then I end up phasing out of that and the self reflection doesn't stop, it just changes. It becomes a part of my routine and I don't have to like sit myself down and journal now. Everybody's different, right? So like you might be somebody who really loves journaling and finds so much value in it. And it's something that is realistic for you to keep in your routine. But that's not necessarily how self reflection is in reality all the time. It can be when you're driving in the car, it can be subconscious, like 50% subconscious. You're not even noticing that you're doing it. It's actually more sustainable. And last but not least, having self esteem and confidence. I think a lot of us feel like if we ever were to attain a strong sense of confidence and self esteem, that it would be permanent, it would be instilled in us forever. That if we, if we try hard enough and we reach a certain level of confidence and self esteem, that we've done it and then that's the end of that journey. And I think the reality is it's a constant practice. There is no reaching some sort of level where you'll never regress again. You constantly have to work on it. And even when you think you're at your most confident and you're at your most self assured, you might still experience jealousy, a little bit of self doubt. Like there's no such thing as being perfectly confident and perfectly self assured. We're human beings and that means that we're insecure and we're flawed and we constantly have to work on ourselves. There is no reaching the highest level of confidence. You constantly are building it up your entire life. You know, it's, it's a constant work in progress. And that's okay. It's just part of being a human being. Um, and that's it. That's all I got. To be honest. I'm, I'm like staring at this little beetle and I just really need to take it outside. Um, I'm by the way, just in case anyone was wondering, I'm not a bug killer. I Don't squash the bugs. If there's a bug in my house, I will not squash it. I will not kill it. I have this amazing contraption, and it's like this bug catcher, where basically it's like, there's a long handle and there's, like, a little lever, and you can pull back the lever, and it opens the bottom of this little box that's at the tip of the handle, and then you can put it over the bug, and then you slide the bottom underneath the bug, and then it's in this little box, and then you take it outside. And so I'm about to do that to this little beetle in my room. I know I said it was my pet, but it's my outdoor pet. I could also, like, put my cat up to the beetle and let my cat eat it. But I don't know. I think that's actually, number one, like, possibly cat abuse, but then also, number two, I don't know if the beetle would be poisonous, but also, like, the beetle should live. I'm gonna put it outside. It's moving, though. It's definitely moving. I'm watching it move. Ooh, it's starting to freak me out because it's, like, it's moving, so I need to get it before it flies away, and then it ends up in my hair. Okay. Anyway, I love you all. I appreciate you all. It's a pleasure, as always, to get to spend time with you. And if you enjoyed this episode. New episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday, so you can come and hang out whenever, not just on Thursday and Sunday. Okay. There's a lot of episodes. I've been doing this podcast for a long time, so you can really go back, but new episodes every Thursday and Sunday, and you can stream anywhere. You get podcasts, but if you want to watch the video versions of the episodes, Those are on YouTube and Spotify. Anything Goes is on social media. Anything Goes. I'm on the Internet at Emma Chamberlain, and my coffee company is in the world, and on the Internet at Chamberlain Coffee. That's where I am. That's where you can find me. I love you all. I appreciate you all, and I will talk to you very soon. No, seriously, in, like, a few days. Now let me get this fucking beetle out of my house, because it's moving way too quickly for my liking. Ah. Okay. I'll talk to you guys later. Love you and bye. This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's fruit snacks. Isn't it so satisfying when you combine two of your favorite things to make something even better. It's like when I'm putting an outfit together and and I pair two of my favorite pieces together that I've never put together before. Like, it just never crossed my mind. If you love a good pairing like I do, new Welch's Fusions are so good. Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors and one juicy bite. One flavor on the outside, another on the inside. It's an unbelievable taste sensation, so I recommend them for experienced taste buds only. You've been warned. New Welch's Fusions please fuse responsibly. 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