Emma Chamberlain (3:12)

Can ruin a trip.

Sponsor Voice (3:14)

Find wellness at Weston, One of the 30 extraordinary hotel brands in the Marriott Bonvoy portfolio.

Emma Chamberlain (3:20)

Now back to the episode. Somebody said, I found out my friend's boyfriend sent a naked picture of her to his group chat. Do I tell her? How do I tell her? She's so in love with him. Ooh, this is really hard. It is a horrible feeling to know something about your friend that you know will hurt them, but that you know is wrong not to tell them. And I've noticed in life, people tend to have two complete opposite perspectives when it comes to telling your friend about their romantic relationship, right? Some people are like, don't ever get involved. Like, the golden rule is just don't get involved. And then some people are like, no, you have to get involved. Like, if you know something, you have to tell your friend. That is being a good friend. And I've just noticed throughout my life, it seems to be like a 50, 50 split. I tend to fall on the side of to be a good friend is to tell them. That's where I tend to fall. I'd say 90% of the time. And I would say in this specific scenario, I think you need to tell your friend. Because here's the deal. There's a really high chance that your friend doesn't want her nude in the group chat. Listen, is there a chance that your friend doesn't mind and is like, hey, I'm proud of this nude show all your fucking friends. I don't give a fuck. You know, some people are like that. In fact, if I took a really good nude, I would tell my boyfriend to show his friends. I'd be like, fuck, yeah, it looks really good. Unfortunately, I don't take nudes because I'm too afraid of having them on my phone. And something about it just has always felt kind of ingenuine to me, like inauthentic to Me as a person, I've never been somebody who really takes nudes. But. But I think if you were to put yourself in your friend's shoes in this scenario, I would assume that you would also want to know. And that's a good test. Like, should I tell my friend about this? Should I not? Put yourself in your friend's shoes. If you were them, would you want to know? Of course you would. We always want to know what's going on. If something's happening behind our back, we want to know. And there's a really, really high chance that this is happening behind your friend's back. She's unaware of it. And this isn't okay with her. This wouldn't be okay with her, Right? You gotta tell her. But I do think it's important to tell her in the right way. Okay? This is a very sensitive situation. It sounds like your friend really loves this boy. You know, you want to handle this tactfully. You want to communicate it tactfully, and there are some ways to do it wrong, right? You don't want to tell her in front of anyone else. Okay? That would be bad, right? You want to tell her in private. That's number one. Number two, you want to communicate it gently, and you want to communicate it honestly, right? Like, you don't want to make light of it. You don't want to make a joke of it, but you also don't want to make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Like, you want to present this information to her in a way that is gentle and calming. And because she might freak out, right? Let her be the one who dictates the energy of the conversation. Okay? Don't come in and be like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I found this out. Oh, my God. Like, be like, hey, you know, I'm going to be honest. I found out about something, and if I were you, I would really want to know about it. And there's a chance that you don't mind or that, you know, you guys have talked about this and this is totally fine or whatever, but I have to tell you because it would feel wrong if I didn't. Your boyfriend sent your nude into the group chat. I found out about it and I just had to tell you. And I'm sorry if this is something that upsets you, but I really felt like it was my duty as a friend to let you know. That's all you have to say. Do it in private. Say it gently. Say it really calm and rational, like I just did and then you go from there, and then you just be a supportive friend from there. I really do think, because this is something that is usually wrong, like, that's kind of an objectively wrong thing to do. Like, I think 99.9% of people would look at that and say, that's not right. And when that's the case, I think you can safely tell your friend about it and not worry about overstepping if it's like an objectively bad thing to do. I think it is generally considered wrong to share someone's nudes when they shared those nudes with you in confidence in private. Right. So I would say tell your friend. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.

Sponsor Voice (8:18)

Have you ever been shopping online and the website just gave you the ick? Let me tell you, that wouldn't happen if they used Squarespace. Squarespace Design Intelligence empowers anyone to build beautiful, more personalized websites tailored to your unique needs. And with Squarespace payments, it's super easy to manage payments with just a few clicks. Plus, with Squarespace's integrated and optimized SEO tools, there's all the help you need to get people to your site. Head to squarespace.com emma for a free trial and use code EMMA to save 10% on your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by ebay. This is what you do when you've just found that statement handbag on ebay and you want to build an entire wardrobe around it. You start selling to keep buying. Yep.

Emma Chamberlain (9:08)

On ebay, over that all black everything phase. List it and buy all the color.

Sponsor Voice (9:14)

Feeling more vintage than ever. It's out with the new and in.

Emma Chamberlain (9:18)

With the pre loved.

Sponsor Voice (9:19)

Next thing you know, you've refreshed your wardrobe basically without spending a dime.

Emma Chamberlain (9:24)

Yeah, ebay.

Sponsor Voice (9:26)

The place to buy and sell new.

Emma Chamberlain (9:28)

Pre loved vintage and rare fashion. Okay, next. Somebody said, I hate my job. I don't agree with the ethics of the company, but I desperately need the money. I feel like I'm betraying myself. What do I do? Well, to start, I would say you're not betraying yourself. You're doing what you have to do. Like, this is how life works. Like, we have to work and. And sometimes we have to work somewhere that we don't want to work for survival. So don't feel bad, don't feel guilty, don't feel betrayed by yourself. Reframe the situation that you're in right now. You know your morals and your values. It's clear that you're connected to what they are. That's an incredible thing. Okay? The fact that you are aware of the fact that your job goes against your morals and values only confirms your morals and values. Right? And that's a beautiful thing. I think. Your job doesn't reflect those morals and values. Your feeling about the job does. So find confidence in the fact that you know how you feel about this job. You know what I'm saying? You aren't the problem. You're not doing anything wrong. You're just showing up to work because right now this is your job. And that's totally okay. You are not the CEO of the company. You are not the founder of the company. You are not responsible for what this company does. This is not your weight to bear. So let that go. And also understand that this is just a stepping stone in your life, getting you to the next step in your career. This is not your career. This is a stepping stone in your career. Every single person on this planet, I think, probably at some point in their lives, work a job that in some way goes against their morals or values, or they work a job that they look back on later and they're like, oh, God, like, that was so bad for my spirit. Like, this is a common part of the career journey. I look back at my career and I have moments like that where, you know, maybe I did something that ended up not being right, maybe went against my morals or whatever. Like, we've all done it. We've all done it. Good luck finding somebody who hasn't. I think this is a common challenge. I think what is valid and true, though, is, like, working a job that goes against your morals and values is bad for your spirit, right? It's bad for. That was really spiritual. It's bad for your spirit. The fuck, I sound like a psychic or something. It's really bad for your spirit. Baby, let me pull another tarot. And then I pull another one. And then anyways, yeah, it doesn't make you feel good. So I think to sort of put power back into your hands, into sort of, I don't know, feeling control of the situation. I think just start dedicating a little bit more of your energy to figuring out your next step. You know, a current, maybe unfavorable situation feels a lot less horrible when you're working towards moving on from it. So I would say focus as much energy as you can right now to figuring out your next step. Figuring out how you can leave this job and it's not going to happen overnight, and that's okay. But just working towards it, I think, is Enough to sort of. I don't know. Again, I hate to talk about the spirit again. I mean, we're really getting into the spirit. But it, it will be good for your spirit and your soul to be working on the next step in your career. That has nothing to do with this job. That sort of goes against your morals and values. Next. Somebody said, I really want to date. Kind of low key. Am dating my ex boyfriend's best friend. Oh, wow. I'm scared of what other people might think. What do I do? Well, to start, I kind of think that vibe is hot. It is a little messy, but there's something about it that I have fantasized about before. Like, I'm not gonna lie, after breaking up with every like boyfriend I've ever dated afterwards, I've fantasized about dating their friends because of how like, satisfying it would be and how angry it would make them. And it's totally petty and it's totally messy. But I've always fant. Fantasized about it and you're living my fantasy, so good for you. However, it is a bit complicated, right? It is. Listen, even though you might be living my dream, this is still a really complicated situation. I am sort of perplexed by the fact that like, how are you dating your ex boyfriend's best friend right now? They can't be best. If they were truly best friends, this would not be happening. So something is going on with the friendship and it's. It's not good, that friendship. Like, I think I need to be giving advice to the two boys in that friendship, not you, because their friendship sounds a bit corrupt. I think everyone knows that it's not great to date your best friend's ex, to date your acquaintance's ex, to date your friend that you hang out with once a year's exact. It's still a bit messy, but I don't know, like, it's like, it's like whatever. It's obviously not ideal, it's a bit uncomfortable, but there's only so many options of who we can date in our local community. And sometimes things become a bit. I almost used the word incestual, but we do not want to use that word. And that's not even what I mean. Yeah, sometimes you end up sharing, you know what I'm saying? It just. Sometimes you end up swapping. It just happens. But best friends, that's. That's not your fault. You know, I like, I don't think you're really doing anything wrong. Once you break up with somebody, you kind of don't owe them anything anymore, you know, and if you end up falling in love with their best friend, it's not, in my opinion, your job to say, well, you know what? That's morally wrong. I'm not, you know, this was my ex boyfriend. You don't really owe anything to your ex boyfriend anymore. It's up to the best friend of your ex to do the right thing in their eyes, right? I really don't think it's your job to handle that situation. However, if I were you, I would sort of see it as a red flag that the guy that you're dating now is best friends with your ex and he's dating you anyway. He's not very loyal to your ex. His best friend, you know, that's kind of a red flag to me. It's a sign of his loyalty, and I don't love that. So that's definitely something to keep in mind. However, maybe you two are soulmates and, like, for whatever reason, the universe put your ex and his best friend into your life as the middleman to bring you together. Like, who am I to say, right? I think a lot of this depends on how serious these relationships are. You know, how deep is his friendship with your ex? How deep was your relationship with your ex? How deep is your relationship between the two of you? Like, how serious are all of these relationships? Because depending on the severity of each relationship, you know, the morality of the situation sort of changes, right? If you two are soulmates and both of your relationships with your ex and his best friend or were not that deep and not that serious or potentially even like, deeply flawed or something like that, then it's not that wrong. To me, I'm like, that's fine. But if you had a beautiful, beautiful relationship with your ex and, like, you're still friends, and it's like this beautiful thing, and, you know, you truly, like, loved each other and you want to remain friends after and all this. And like, the guy that you're dating now, you know, they've been best friends since they were two years old, and they've helped each other through life, and they had this deep friendship. Then it's like, oh, this is really messy and not great, you know, Like, I can't safely say that what's happening is necessarily morally right and good, but at the same time, like, it's not really your job, though, to manage their friendship, right? And you don't owe anything to your ex. So let's focus on that perspective. Ask yourself why you're scared of what People might think. Because that's what you said. You said, I really want to date and I kind of low key am dating my ex boyfriend's best friend. I'm scared of what other people might think. What do I do? You're not asking me, like, how do I make this official? You know, whatever. You're asking me, what do I do? Because I'm afraid of what other people might think. Why are you afraid of what other people might think? Why are we ever afraid of what other people might think? Well, I mean, it's a very normal, human thing, but what I've noticed, at least in myself and my loved ones, is we tend to be self conscious when we deep down are insecure about something or we know it's wrong or we know it's bad. You know what I'm saying? Like, I tend to be self conscious about things that warrant or not warrant. I shouldn't say warrant, but I don't think I'm irrationally self conscious. And people would say, no, Emma, like, don't be self conscious about that. Like, that's it's totally fine. I think usually when I'm self conscious about something, it's because, like, it's actually rational and valid. It's like, no, you know, that isn't ideal, that isn't great, whatever. I don't know. So, like, you're scared of what people might think because you deep down know that it feels wrong. It feels wrong to you. It goes against your moral compass. That is why you're worried about what other people might think. If you felt confident in the fact that dating this person was like the right thing to do in your life, if you could, you'd be putting it up on billboards, you know what I'm saying? Because you'd be so excited, you know, that this isn't quite right. Something about it isn't sitting right with you. Okay. And so now you're faced with a choice. Option number one is to find confidence in your choice. Because you love this boy, you truly want to be with him, and you aren't doing anything terribly wrong and neither is he. Or you can honor your feelings of discomfort and moral hesitation and cut things off and just deal with the. With the heartbreak and find someone else. You'll find someone else. But I think that that's sort of the choice that you have to make, you know?

Sponsor Voice (20:34)

This episode is brought to you by Alfa Romeo. You know how some people follow the road and others set the pace? Well, the Alfa Romeo Tonale Plug In Hybrid was designed for the latter because this isn't just a vehicle. It has stylish Italian design that turns heads performance with a purpose, effortless energy that matches your own. You know exactly where you're going and the Alfa Romeo Tonale gets you there. No permission needed. Experience Alfa Romeo Tonale Alfa Romeo is a registered trademark of FCA Group Marketing SpA Used with permission.

Emma Chamberlain (21:13)

This episode is brought to you by.

Sponsor Voice (21:15)

The Amazon Influencer Program.

Emma Chamberlain (21:17)

Whether you've been a content creator for.

Sponsor Voice (21:18)

A while or are just thinking about.

Emma Chamberlain (21:20)

Getting started, the Amazon Influencer Program is a great way for creators of all.

Sponsor Voice (21:24)

Kinds to earn money.

Emma Chamberlain (21:25)

Once you signed up, you'll be able.

Sponsor Voice (21:27)

To share links to Amazon products on your social media and earn when your followers shop using your links. Sign up now@Amazon.com anything goes to get.

Emma Chamberlain (21:36)

Started Next Somebody said I have a weird 60 year old math teacher that calls me baby. What do I do? Let's go ahead and talk to the school counselor about that one instead of asking a podcaster that didn't even finish high school and definitely didn't go to college. Like, this is something to talk about with the school counselor. This is something to talk about with your therapist. This is not something to discuss with me. However, I'll still give you advice on what I would do if I was in this situation. I guess I'm not going to give you advice because I think my only, the only advice that I can give in good faith is go talk to the administration at your school, go talk to the school therapist, go talk to the principal, go talk to somebody and say, this is a little bit weird. I don't think it's professional. It's making me a little bit uncomfortable. This teacher's a little bit eccentric, just wanted to put it on your radar and, and let you know that is obviously the right thing to do. However, if I was in this situation, this is what I would do. And I'm not saying that this is right. I'm just saying that this is exactly what I would do. I, I like and I'm not. Again, I'm not saying it's right, okay? Because I think going to the principal or going to the school counselor or going to, you know, administration, that's obviously the right thing to do. However, I know knowing myself in high school would have handled things differently. I feel like what I would have done is because I was kind of, I wasn't like a troublemaker or anything. But I, I did sometimes have a little bit of an attitude for some reason. But I also like, I also don't Want to demonize somebody or like, if they genuinely are not meaning any harm, right? I don't want to get someone in trouble just because they're weird or like, whatever. And I'm not saying it's not okay to be calling you baby. Okay? That's weird, right? However, if this is some sort of like 60 year old Italian man that's like, come on, baby, you know this. Like, if that's how he's saying baby, it's like it's very clearly not in a sexual. Like it's not sexual, it's not inappropriate necessarily. Like, it's. I mean, it's still, you know, it's not ideal, right? You know, he probably shouldn't be calling you baby, but if it's in that way, like, to me it's not dangerous. It's not as dangerous, right? It's just maybe a bad practice. And so how I might have handled it when I was in high school is I'd be like, after class or something, or like when he called me baby, I'd be like, you know, you're gonna get in trouble one of these days. You can't be calling people that. I would just check him on his shit in person. Is that the right way to handle it? No, you should go to administration. But that's probably what I would have done. I would have given him a chance in a way and been like, you can't say that. And he would have been like, what do you mean? I've been saying this for generations. I'm Italian, by the way. I don't know, I just think of like, like a really like, warm Italian, like grandfather vibe. When I think of somebody like calling you baby in a way that's like not sexual and harmless. Like, that's what I think of in ho. And if that's the case, great, because that's not truly harmful. It's still not, you know, maybe okay, but it's not dangerous. Do you know what I'm saying? And so I would check him in person just because I think too, like, if that's the case and if, you know, if you can be of help and be like, hey, we don't say that, right? Let's not say that. And here's why, you know, if we can do that great again at school, I still, I do think it's best to run it by the administration, but that's how I would have handled it. And then if he continued doing it and it was making me uncomfortable still, I would say, you know what, Enough's enough. And I'd go and I would have told administration, but I probably would have done the confronting myself first. But I don't think that works for everybody. And I don't think it has to. The. The. In a school environment like it is supposed to be one of the safest environments. So, you know, if someone's doing some weird shit, you gotta report it. You got to report it. Okay, moving on. How to tell your roommate that you're moving in with your boyfriend next year. I don't want to put her in a bad spot, but I need to move forward with my life. I feel bad. Well, to start, there's absolutely nothing to feel bad about. You are doing nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong about what you're doing. So stop feeling bad, okay? There's nothing more useless than feeling bad about something that we don't need to feel bad about. There are moments in life when we should feel bad. We did something wrong. We hurt somebody's feelings. This is not something to feel bad about. That doesn't mean it's not uncomfortable, though. This is a very uncomfortable situation. And it is, you know, a situation that will cause unfavorable feelings. Your roommate is gonna be sad. You might be sad. You probably less so. Cause you are excited about moving in with your boyfriend. You know, you get to have cuddle time every night. How fun is that? No one's home, just you guys. So much fun. It's like playing house. So much fun. You're not that sad. They are going, your roommate's gonna be sad. You know, your roommate is going to be sad. And so, you know, to an extent, you can feel a level of like, oh, you know, I don't like making anyone feel sad, but at the same time, like, you're not doing anything wrong. So don't feel bad. Don't feel guilty. You be aware of the fact that, yes, you know, it may cause some. Some sadness in your. In your roommate. And yes, it may cause some sadness for you, but ultimately it's for the better. And it's a normal part of growing and moving through life. And I think the best thing that you can do is have the conversation as soon as possible. Don't put it off till the last minute, because then you actually have something to feel bad about. If you screw your roommate over because you don't tell them until the last minute that you're not going to live together next year, then that's when you need to start feeling bad, because that's not fair to them, right? So tell them immediately and Be like, I'm so sorry. You know, like, I've been talking to my boyfriend. We made this decision. I'm gonna miss you so much. Like, it's been such a joy. Like, and then if you're still feeling bad and you really want to help out even more, offer to ask the leasing person in your building that you're moving into with your boyfriend if they have any open units. Offer to help your friend find a new roommate. Like, offer to help make a plan on how you both can stay connected. Whether it's like, why don't we live in the same building? That would be fun. Or if that's not an option, maybe we live in the same neighborhood on the same block. You know, there's ways that you can lessen the blow and make it less of, like, a depressing thing that you're no longer roommates. Like, I think helping them in their process, moving forward, making a plan on how to maintain the friendship, you know, potentially planning to even live kind of close together, like, all of these things can lessen the blow for both of you and make it less sort of traumatic for both of you. I think there's something to be said for presenting bad news with good news. You know, a lot of us don't think to find a silver lining or to find a way to lessen the blow. We're like, oh, God, we have bad news. We just have to present the bad news and that's it. You can get creative and find good news to pair with the bad news. And I try to do that whenever I can. If I'm going to somebody and telling them something that they're not gonna wanna hear, I'll pair it with something that actually they would wanna hear. You know, like, you know, I don't think we can be roommates next year, but there's an open unit in my building, and maybe you could check it out this weekend. Like, do you see what I'm saying? There's different ways that you can put a positive spin on it. And I think by doing that, you'll lessen the blow and it won't be so bad. Next, somebody said, and I'm sorry, that now I'm like, you can hear the allergy attack in my nose and in my throat, but let's just ignore that. Somebody said, I'm in college studying something that I'm good at, but I don't love it. How do I tell my parents I'm scared that they'll be disappointed in me. Well, to start, you're the one who has to live this life, okay? You're the one who has to go to school every day, study this topic, do the homework, take the test and ultimately get the job that you're going to work for the rest of your life in. Perhaps potentially, if you know, that's what you, it's kind of what you're working towards right now. So that's, you know, you're the one who has to live this life, not your fucking parents. You have to live this life for the rest of your life. And it's important to, you know, respect our parents opinions and hear them out and. But at the end of the day, it's your fucking life and you're an adult. And obviously we want to impress our parents, we want to please our parents, we want to make them proud, but it's not actually right of them to try to control our future. Like they should be open minded. And if they're not, they're in the wrong, in my opinion. Okay, so in my opinion, your parents are in the wrong if they judge you for shifting directions, you know, changing your path in life. Like, I think that that's wrong. I think that just because they're your parents doesn't mean that everything that they do is right. And them being disappointed in you because you want to take your life in a different direction to me is wrong. As long as you're not doing something that's self destructive, I don't think that they can ultimately be disappointed in you. Like, I mean, I guess they can, but I don't know that it's fair to inflict that upon you. You know, they just, they have to get over it. They have to either get over it or they have to put a strain on the relationship between you and them, which is so harmful and unnecessary. You know, unless you're doing something that's destructive to their lives or to your life, it is not good parenting for them to like cut you off. You know what I'm saying? So like find confidence in the fact that you're doing the right thing by maintaining control of your own life, living life for you and making this decision because it's what's going to be the most fulfilling for you because you're the one who has to live this goddamn life. You gotta do it, okay? Not them. We love your parents, but you can be firm with your parents. You can tell your parents that they're wrong. You can tell your parents that they're overstepping. You can tell your parents that what they want for your life is not what you want for your life. That is all. Okay? They are. They were your authority for many years, but they're not anymore. You are now your own authority. And part of that is taking responsibility for your decisions and also making decisions yourself. That is a part of being a functioning adult. Making decisions based on your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Breaking away from your parents. That is a part of being an adult. When you're a kid and you're living under their roof and they're paying your bills, you do kind of have to do what they say now. You don't. And to truly mature is to truly break free from your parents and their beliefs and their ideas about your life. And this is a great sign that you're questioning some of their beliefs. And you're like, okay, this isn't right for me. And so this is a conversation that you need to have with your parents. Embrace yourself for disappointment. They might be disappointed, but find confidence and comfort in the fact that you are doing the right thing. Okay? I also think, you know, like I mentioned earlier, it can be really helpful and it can really soften the blow to your parents to present a bit of good news with the bad news. Okay? So if you know that this is gonna be bad news for your parents because they really wanted you to study this topic, they really wanted you to go into this. Into this field for your career, find a way to present them with good news. Instead of just saying, like, I'm dropping out. I'm not doing this major anymore. I'm going to do a different major. I'm going to major in something else. I want to go on a different career path. And that's it. Instead of just saying that, say, I'm switching my major. I'm going on a different career path now. But you know what? I'm really excited because I'm going to major in this now. And I'm really excited because this is what I want my career path to be. And I actually just started talking to this company about an internship. Like, before you present it to them, take some action in the step of, you know, where you want to go in your life so that you have something promising to present to them. You don't necessarily owe that to them, but I think it could lessen the blow and be very positive. It could potentially reframe it for them. And just remember that whatever comes of that conversation is necessary for the sake of your quality of life and your wellbeing, because this is your life. Okay?

Sponsor Voice (34:32)

This episode is brought to you by Mejuri Mejuri does fine jewelry differently. They're all about buying for yourself, where you decide the occasion. Everything is handcrafted with quality, craftsmanship and responsible sourcing in mind. So these are pieces you can feel good about in more ways than one. Plus, there are so many designs you can mix and match to create a stack for every look. Shop online@mizuri.com or in store today.

Sponsor Voice (34:59)

Now you can get Disney and Hulu together for just $2.99 a month for four months. We sure would love that. Get both and watch Marvel's Daredevil, Born Again and Moana 2 on Disney. Can I get a Chihu on Hulu? Check out Good American Family and Paradise.

Emma Chamberlain (35:14)

Call it in now.

Sponsor Voice (35:16)

Disney plus and Hulu together for just 2.99amonth. All of these and more streaming soon. New and returning subscribers 18 + only after four months. Plan auto renews at 10.99amonth until canceled offer ends. 3:30, 25 terms apply.

Emma Chamberlain (35:30)

Next somebody said my bestie is hanging out with a guy with a million red flags recently. Do I say something to her? Okay, as I mentioned earlier, I tend to be someone who believes in communication. Like, if I see something wrong, if something feels off, I just say it. As I mentioned earlier, it tends to be like a 5050 split. Some people believe don't get involved in your friends or loved ones romantic situations because it just always goes wrong. And other people are like, if I was in their shoes, I'd want to know if some shit was going awry. Okay. And so, you know, I feel it's the right thing to do to communicate. For the most part, I tend to fall in that category. As I mentioned earlier, I tend to believe it's better to tell your friend because if I was in that situation, I would want to know. However, in this case, I'm a bit less sure. You know, Like, I can't safely say you should just tell them because red flags are technically subjective. Right? Like, a red flag to you might not be a red flag to me, and vice versa. It depends, right? To some people, shyness and mysteriousness is a red flag. To other people, it's an exciting challenge. Like, I'm gonna crack this person open and find out who they truly are. And I don't mind that. You know, to some people, a red flag could be, you know, a certain type of sense of humor. But then to other people, it might be a green flag. Like, oh my God, I. I think this person's so funny. Like, red flags vary in severity, so it's Harder to say. But I do think that there are some, like, objectively wrong red flags. Like, we would all agree that these things are wrong. You know, for example, cheating in some way, like, not like, not being loyal, you know, disrespect is obviously objectively wrong. Lying is obviously objectively wrong. If you know that this guy is actively doing things that are objectively wrong to her. I think it's okay to gently bring up right and be like, hey, you know, you can do whatever you want. And I know you really like this guy, but I, as a friend, am watching him mistreat you, and it really bothers me. And, like, I just. I can't stand idly by. Like, I have to bring it up to you and tell you that, like, you don't deserve this shit. You deserve somebody who. Who treats you like a little princess. You deserve to be treated with love and respect because that's how you treat other people. Assuming that your friend is. Is a beautiful angel, although, you know, she might not be, but, you know, if the red flags are a bit less obvious, they're a bit less intense, they're a bit less glaringly obvious. I would say a lot of times it's better for people to find out for themselves that someone isn't right for them, because usually that's what they're gonna do anyway. Like, you can bring shit up to them, but they're just gonna end up figuring it out on their own anyway. They're not gonna listen to you. Because in the case of, like, love and romance and lust, good luck. It's so tough. Like, it's really hard to. To break through and be heard. Like, even when somebody's treating you wrong, Like, I remember in the past, I've been dating guys who have maybe sort of not treated me the best. And people have told me, like, hey, I don't like that. Like, I don't like the way that they treat you. I saw the way that they said that to you. I saw the way that they handled the situation. I heard that story about what they said to you. Whatever. And, like, that doesn't sit right with me. And guess what I said. No, no. But they're so. But I love them. And this was just like, an off day for them. And I made excuses. So it's like. And it actually, if anything, made me resent them in the moment. Now, in retrospect, I'm like, you were totally right. But I had to figure it out on my own. I had to touch the stove long enough and get burned bad Enough to learn that I shouldn't touch the stove. Sometimes you have to, you know, play in the knife drawer to realize that playing in the knife drawer is a bad idea and that you shouldn't do it again. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's how we grow. That's how we learn through experience. A lot of us struggle, like a lot of us like hear advice and we're like, okay. And we end up making the mistake anyway. We don't follow the advice, but the advice sticks with us. And it's not all bad, right? It makes us aware of, you know, huh, okay, I'm going to pay attention to like, maybe they are right, but I don't care because I'm going to do what I'm going to do anyway. But then later it only further sort of solidifies like, oh shit, I don't want to do that again. I got that advice. I should have followed it. I didn't. I learned the hard way. Now I'm here. Now I know even more certainly that I should never do that again. And so, I don't know, I think you can maybe subtly give some advice or even ask like Socratic. Is it a Socratic question? Yes, it is a Socratic question. You know, you can ask your friends sort of Socratic questions which if you don't know what a Socratic question is. Socratic questioning is a method of asking and answering questions to explore ideas and debate logical responses. It's a collaborative process that involves asking open ended questions to encourage people to think critically. So instead of like saying, hey, I don't really think it's good how that person is treating you, instead you say, how does it make you feel when that person does this to you and you let them answer and you let them come to the conclusion. You know where I learned this from my dad. Because this is what my dad does to me. Instead of like, my mom will tell me like, sorry, like that is fucked up. Like I don't like the way that that person treats you or oh, I don't like that, I don't, I don't like your hair like that. Or like whatever, my mom will just tell me. My dad on the other hand will be like, how do you feel about your new haircut? Or how do you feel when that person talks to you that way? Or how are you doing with that person? And then I'll answer and be like, well, I don't really like my haircut. Like, it's, it's not, it's not great. And I I've been feeling kind of self conscious about it or, you know, I don't know, like, when that person talks to me like that, it makes me feel small and it makes me feel disrespected and I really don't like it or whatever. And then from there he'll be like, well, what kind of haircut are you going to get next? What do you think would look better? Or, well, what are you gonna do about that? You know, how are you gonna handle that situation with that person? And then I end up finding the solution myself. And that is far more empowering and far more helpful than just being told what to do, because, number one, it's less personal. You know, it's not like we all need to handle situations differently, right? Because we're all very different. So there are moments when somebody will tell you, like, this is how you need to handle the situation. And that's what worked for them. But what would work for you is actually a bit different. And only you can figure that out through Socratic questioning. You can actually figure that out quicker because you're being asked and you're being forced to answer. And through the answering, you're figuring that out yourself. So you're, you know. Oh, ow. Sorry. I was being very expressive with my hands and talking with my hands. And then my cat bit my little finger because he thought it was a little sausage. It's not a little sausage. It's my finger. It's my finger. Let's not bite anymore, okay? We don't play like that. We play nice. Anyway, that's the last one. That's it for today's advice session. I had a lot of fun, as always. I was on the verge of a sneeze the entire episode the second I stop recording. I'm just going to sneeze for the next hour. But I had a lot of fun and I hope you did, too. And if you did tune into Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. Episodes are available anywhere you stream podcasts and video episodes. So you can watch me and hang out with me with your eyes. Video episodes are available on Spotify and on YouTube, so check it out. And Anything Goes is on social media. Nthing goes. I'm on social media Machamberlain and my coffee company is on the Internet at ChamberlainCoffee.com and AmberlinCoffee on social media. And we are also in person at some grocery stores near you. We're talking Whole Foods, we're talking Target, we're talking Sprouts, we're talking Albertsons See if we're in a store near you on the store locator online chamberlain coffee.com. and that's all I have for today. Thank you all for listening and hanging out. It's always a joy. It's always a pleasure. I also have to pee really bad. Like, I had to sneeze this entire episode. I also had to pee, you know, for the second half. Like, I just need to sit on the toilet and fucking put my little legs up on the squatty potty and I just need to blow my nose and I need to just sit there and see what happens. And yes, I do put my feet up on the squatty potty even when I'm peeing. I just love the squatty potty. I love the way it feels. Anyway, that's it for today. Thank you all for listening and hanging out. It's always a pleasure. I love you all. I appreciate you all and I can't wait to talk to you very soon in a few days here on Anything Goes the podcast. Okay, love you all. Bye.