Podcast Summary: "modern dating advice scares me"
Podcast: Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain
Host: Emma Chamberlain
Date: February 12, 2026
Episode Overview
In this candid and reflective episode, Emma Chamberlain explores the often confusing world of modern dating advice, highlighting the toxic, bizarre, and sometimes outright unethical tips that dominate online spaces. Emma, newly single and re-entering the dating scene as an adult, takes listeners through several trending pieces of dating “wisdom” circulating on TikTok and the wider internet. She provides her honest, self-deprecating takes—always reminding listeners she’s not an expert but simply someone thinking out loud. The tone is humorous, vulnerable, and at times philosophical, as Emma dissects why certain advice is both popular and problematic.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Emma’s Re-Entry Into Singlehood [00:00]
- Emma reflects on being single for the first time with a “fully formed prefrontal cortex.”
- Admits rushing into back-to-back relationships in the past, but now feels committed to self-reflection and growth.
- Notes the unpredictability of life:
“We have ideas about how we’re going to do things…and sometimes they turn out a little bit different because we can’t really predict what life will bring.” [02:30]
- Emphasizes that despite the wealth of resources (elders, books), there’s a flood of bad dating advice online.
2. Manifesting Specific People & “Witchy” Dating Trends [05:00]
- Discusses TikTok trends involving manifestation rituals (affirmations, writing letters from crushes’ perspectives, etc.):
“It’s not witchcraft, but it kind of has witchy energy…things like reciting affirmations related to the person you want to attract.” [05:30]
- Emma warns about the dangers and disappointments of manifesting a specific person:
“I think manifesting someone very specific sets you up for disappointment.” [09:34]
- Suggests manifesting open-ended goals (e.g., “finding a reciprocal love”) is healthier than hyper-specific desires.
3. Games with Texting & “Breadcrumbing” [16:45]
- Critiques advice to delay text replies or use games to create artificial scarcity and dopamine spikes:
“I cannot with games. If somebody waits a day or two to text me back…I’m responding immediately.” [17:42]
- Shares that playing games often signals insecurity, and encourages confidence instead:
“It’s kind of a power move to be like, I’m confident enough in myself to respond to you immediately.” [19:00]
- Defines “breadcrumbing”—leading someone on with inconsistent, sporadic affection:
“The breadcrumbing will drive the other person nuts to the point where they are in a state of delusion. It’s just, it’s so bad.” [23:20]
4. Withholding Vulnerability & Mystery [26:00]
- Disagrees with advice to “never let them know how much you like them,” arguing vulnerability is essential:
“What do you have to lose by being vulnerable with somebody? Like, okay, worst case scenario, they don’t feel the same…at least you put it all on the table.” [29:10]
- Acknowledges that some mystery is healthy, but it should come from separate interests, not intentional emotional hiding.
5. Sex as a Tool, “Best Sex Ever” Pressure [33:30]
- Questions the pressure to be the “best sex” someone has had, noting it can be inauthentic and anxiety-inducing:
“How are you supposed to be the best sex someone has ever had? How do you even know? What are you even supposed to do?” [34:10] “The best things in life just flow out of you. Art and sex are very similar. If it's not flowing out of you…it's not going to work.” [37:03]
- Relates her own sexual insecurities back to a formative teenage experience, emphasizing the vulnerability of intimacy.
6. “Shreking”: Dating Below Standards [40:00]
- Deconstructs the trend of dating someone “beneath your standards” for control or safety:
"I definitely don’t admire anyone who I perceive to be below my standards…It seems not nice. So in bad, like, I don’t think we should be looking at people like this.” [43:14]
7. “Date Them Till You Hate Them” [45:10]
- Unpacks advice to stay in a relationship until resentment makes breaking up easier:
“If you already know you’re done…building resentment until it’s absolutely unbearable…I would argue you’re delaying the healing process.” [46:45]
- Advocates for ending things before they turn toxic, to preserve kindness and the possibility of future friendship or growth.
8. Monkey Branching: Relationship Hopping [48:00]
- Explains "monkey branching"—lining up a new partner before breaking up:
“You’re gonna sabotage your next relationship…You didn’t have any time to grieve, to lay in bed at night and remember the good moments…” [49:50]
- Warns this backfires by creating obsession with the ex, complicating future relationships.
9. “Love Should Be Easy” Myth [53:00]
- Pushes back on the idea that love must always be easy to be right:
“In my opinion, relationships are the most deep, fulfilling, rich, beautiful when they inspire growth…through a little bit of conflict, through a little bit of challenge.” [53:10] “If you’re in a relationship where nothing ever comes up and it seems too good to be true, I would argue it probably is.” [54:05]
- Shares a relationship example that lacked conflict but also lacked depth and ultimately failed.
10. The “Cheating Test” Trap [56:45]
- Critiques the tactic of testing partners by catfishing them with fake accounts:
“If you need to do this with your partner, why don’t you trust them? Get to the bottom of that.” [57:10]
- Suggests therapy or honest communication over underhanded tests.
11. Going Through Your Partner’s Phone [59:45]
- Addresses the controversial debate on “phone snooping”:
“To me, it’s a breach of privacy…If you don’t trust your partner to the point that you want to check their phone, you either…warrant a breakup, or you have personal issues…” [1:00:00]
- Acknowledges it’s tricky, since cases of discovering infidelity happen, but maintains that trust and privacy are essential in healthy relationships.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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On dating advice overload:
“There’s a lot of really bad, toxic, horrible dating advice out there. Not only is there a lot of it, it’s popular and it freaks me out.” [04:10]
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On manifesting specific people:
“You might be manifesting somebody bad for you. Whereas if you manifest in general a healthy, happy relationship…you’ll have a much easier time letting that into your life and allowing your life just to unfold.” [09:34]
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On text game ‘power moves’:
“I’m confident in what I bring to the table enough that I am just going to respond to you when you text me.” [19:00]
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On sex and vulnerability:
“To me, there’s nothing more vulnerable than sex…The little that I know about sex is that it is best when it is almost like just flowing out of you.” [36:00]
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On leaving relationships kindly:
“Hating people doesn’t feel good…if you take it to a point where you hate each other, that might be easier in some ways, but also harder in others.” [47:25]
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On toxic testing:
“If you are participating in the cheating test, you need a reality check…there is a solution to whatever your issue is…that is much more reasonable and much more respectable than what you’re doing.” [58:42]
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On privacy and trust:
“It feels sneaky, and it doesn’t feel like love to me…if you think you need to check their phone, why are you together?” [1:00:40]
Important Segment Timestamps
- [00:00] - Emma’s status as newly-single, thoughts on learning from experience
- [05:00] - Law of Attraction, manifestation, and their pitfalls
- [16:45] - The toxicity of texting games and breadcrumbing, why Emma rejects them
- [26:00] - Fear of vulnerability and the myth of mystery
- [33:30] - “Best sex ever” pressure and the importance of authenticity
- [40:00] - “Shreking” and dating below one’s standards
- [45:10] - Resentment in relationships and the value of breaking up before hating each other
- [48:00] - The dangers of “monkey branching” between relationships
- [53:00] - Challenging the mantra that “love should be easy”
- [56:45] - The cheating test and why it signals deeper issues
- [59:45] - Trust, privacy, and the pitfalls of going through a partner’s phone
Final Reflections
Emma closes with holiday wishes for Valentine’s Day, playfully offering herself as the listener’s valentine and acknowledging the unpredictability of love and singledom. She reiterates the value of trust, vulnerability, and authentic connection—challenging listeners to reject the toxic norms perpetuated by online dating culture.
Episode Takeaway:
Modern dating advice often plays into insecurity, control, and game-playing, but Emma advocates for realness, softness, and owning your authentic feelings—even if it means risk or rejection. Her advice, though delivered with characteristic humor and humility, is a reminder that healthy love flourishes with trust, honesty, and self-reflection, not manipulation.
For more episodes:
- New episodes every Thursday
- Video on Spotify
- Follow Emma @EmmaChamberlain and check out Chamberlain Coffee
Happy Valentine’s Day!