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Probably about a year ago now, I woke up one day and I decided, you know what? I think I'm ready. I think I'm ready to embark on the journey to quitting nicotine after six years of addiction. About a year ago, I woke up and decided, you know what? I think I'm ready to embark on the journey to quitting. And I say embark on the journey to quitting instead of just quitting because unfortunately, nicotine is a little bit too addictive to just wake up one day and decide to quit. Okay, Most of us who have nicotine addictions have to wake up one day and decide, all right, starting today, I'm gonna embark on the journey to quitting. Because quitting nicotine is incredibly challenging, and it's not something that happens overnight. So if you wanna quit, you have to commit to the journey, because quitting is going to be a journey. And so for the last year, I've been on that journey, and unfortunately, I'm not ready to sit here and say, I fully quit. There's no chance I'll ever relapse. I'm done. I'm done for life. Because when I see people with a vape, I'm like, you're going to let me hit that, right? And then I hit it. And then I ultimately had nicotine. So you know what I mean? I haven't fully quit, right? And one day I'd like to be at a place where I see someone hitting a vape and I don't ask to hit it. When that day comes, I'll sit down here and tell you how I got there. But until then, all I can discuss is the journey. Because that's where I'm at right now. I'm doing really well, but I haven't fully quit yet. I briefly paused this episode to let you know that. This episode is presented by Westin Hotels and Resorts. Westin Hotels is designed with your wellbeing in mind. With more than 200 destinations around the world, Westin Hotels makes it possible to keep up with your wellness routine while traveling. With signature amenities and offerings that help you move well, eat well, and sleep well. And with their iconic next generation heavenly bed, you can look forward to the rest. The worst part about traveling is how it impacts your sleep. Whether you're dealing with jet lag or not having slept on a flight, it can ruin a trip. Find wellness at Weston, One of the 30 extraordinary hotel brands in the Marriott Bonvoy portfolio. Now back to the episode. This journey has taught me a lot. A lot about myself. A lot about addiction. I've learned a lot, but I'd say through it all, the most significant thing that I learned was how truly intense my oral fixation is. Okay? I knew I had an oral fixation. I sucked my thumb as a kid. I loved the vape. The vape is like a pacifier for me. Like, you know, calms me down or whatever. Like, I knew I had an oral fixation, but I didn't know how severe and intense and extreme it was until I embarked on this journey to quitting nicotine. And then I had months at a time where I didn't have any nicotine and the oral fixation didn't go away. The nicotine I was able to quit for months at a time. The oral fixation has yet to waver. Okay? I thought that I was addicted to nicotine for nicotine, right? Wrong. No, I think more than I'm even addicted to nicotine, and I'm really addicted to nicotine. I'm addicted to having an oral fixation, okay? Now if you don't know what an oral fixation is, don't worry. I googled it for you. An oral fixation is an unhealthy, obsessive behavior that involves the mouth. It can manifest as nail biting, thumb sucking, overeating, or smoking. It can be caused in infancy. Oral fixations can develop in babies who don't receive enough oral stimulation during infancy. It can also be caused by underlying psychological issues. Oral fixations can be a way to cope with stress, anxiety, or distress. I'm very anxious, so that definitely checks out. It can also be caused by conditions like ADHD and autism. People with ADHD or autism may have oral fixations as a way to calm anxiety, focus, or channel excess energy. I have yet to be diagnosed with ADHD or autism, but people on the Internet like to tell me all the time that I am both and have both. So there's a chance. Anywho, that's a little bit about oral fixations, okay? And I'm not gonna lie, I might have the worst oral fixation problem I've ever seen. I've never met someone who has as much of an oral fixation problem, okay? And people in my life are like, girl, what is wrong with you? Like, you really have an oral fixation problem. So it's not just like me self diagnosing myself with a problem. Other people in my life are aware of it as well. And I think myself and my loved ones have known this about me for a long time. But this nicotine quitting journey has really Just put it on display. Because now I have new oral fixations that are less common than, like, sucking on a vape. And it's, it's just abundantly clear how bad my oral fixation problem is anyway. But it's also caused me to reflect on my life thus far and see all the signs clear as day. Now that hindsight is 20 20, right? Like, I can look back now and say, wait a minute, that was a total oral fixation when I was obsessed with eating those popsicles every single day for like two years. You know what I'm saying? Like, all of these things don't just read to me as, like, quirky little phases anymore. I look back and I'm like, whoa. This has always been a thing. Like, there has not been a year in my life where I haven't had some sort of oral fixation. It's been a constant in my life and I didn't even realize that. Like, I thought it was just I sucked my thumb as a kid and then I vaped as a teen and young adult, and that was the extent of it. But recently I really analyzed my past and I was like, no, there were so many more. And so today I thought it'd be fun to go down the list of every single oral fixation I've ever had throughout my life and discuss them. So without further ado, let's begin. This episode is brought to you by the Knot. When it comes to your wedding, you've got ideas and the knot has the connections to make it happen. From gathering inspo and scoring expert advice to finding your venue and figuring out your budget, the knot connects you to all the people, places and tools you need. The this may be the first time you're putting together something this big, this visible, and this meaningful. And the Knot is taking the guesswork out of it. Start planning your wedding today@thenot.com audio that's T H E K N O T.com audio this episode is brought to you by ebay. This is what you do when you've just found that statement handbag on ebay and you want to build an entire wardrobe around it. You start selling to keep buying. Yep. On ebay. Over that all black everything phase. List it and buy. All the color. Feeling more vintage than ever. It's out with the new and in with the pre loved. Next thing you know, you've refreshed your wardrobe basically without spending a dime. Yeah, ebay. The place to buy and sell new pre loved vintage and rare fashion. As I mentioned, my first oral fixation was my thumb, okay? From the time I was born to the time I was 12 years old, I sucked my thumb. Most people stop sucking their thumb at like age 5. Not me, not me, okay? It started innocently when I was like a baby, baby. I sucked my thumb and I rubbed a little blanket on my lip, okay? That's how it started. And it was super precious and it was super cute, right? It's so cute when babies suck their thumb. How charming is that? Then I got a little bit older and on Easter, I got a little stuffed bunny one year, and this little stuffed bunny I named Biggie Big. And Biggie Big had really soft ears. And so I started sucking my thumb and rubbing Biggie Big's ear on my upper lip, okay? So then that became my thing and then that kind of remained my thing until I was like 12 years old. And it was one of those things that people didn't really know that I did, right? Like starting. Even in preschool, the teachers did not let me suck my thumb. They were like, we don't allow this. You need to be growing out of this. It's our job to, you know, stop these bad habits, these, you know, infantile habits, whatever. So they used to take away my little stuffed animals and stuff during the day. I would have an absolute fit. But that's when I started to have to, you know, have some restraint with the thumb sucking because I wasn't allowed to do it, you know, in preschool. And then obviously when I got to normal school, I really couldn't do it. It really wasn't allowed. But then I also started to have some sort of self aware and I was like, ooh, no one else is doing it. Like, this is embarrassing now, right? And so it was just sort of this thing I did after school when I was home in my bed relaxing. And there was nothing quite like it, okay? I was a very anxious child. I had horrible separation anxiety from my parents. And there was just nothing like getting home and sucking my thumb and rubbing Biggie Big's ears on my upper lip, okay? It's like the same fucking idea as getting home from work and cracking open a cold one. Do you know what I mean? It's the same fucking vibe. Just for like 8 year olds. It's the same vibe. That's the vibe. Just a little something to take the goddamn edge off. And it was cute and it was charming until I started to get into the younger tween sort of ages, right? We're talking about 10, 11, 12. Then it started to get a little bit Weird, right? It's like, what's going on? Right. She was supposed to grow out of this, and she's not growing out of this. What's going on? And in tandem with. With that sort of concern, my jaw and teeth were getting all fucked up because during my developmental years, I was sucking my thumb. My thumb was in my mouth for half of the day, okay? Not the full day because at school they wouldn't let me. But the second I got home, my thumb was in my mouth, okay? And I was sucking along. That's half of my life. I slept with it in my mouth. Like, my thumb was in my mouth so much that it messed with my mouth, it messed with my jaw. And so I had this overbite and I had this, like, all this. I had a bunch of issues with my teeth, okay. And my jaw. And the orthodontist I started going to was like, if you don't stop sucking your thumb, you're gonna have to get surgery, okay? So they ultimately put this metal cage in my mouth. I don't know how to describe it other than that it was a metal cage in my mouth and it prevented my thumb from going in my mouth, okay? And then I had to get neck gear and headgear. There's all this shit, okay? After years and years and years of braces, they fixed my jaw. Everything was fine. And I stopped sucking my thumb finally. For years following that, my mom would sometimes find me in with my thumb in my mouth, and she would gently pull it out of my mouth, or so she told me. But then that was kind of the end of it. And for a long time I thought that that was the end of it until the vape. But I was so wrong. Because after I stopped sucking the thumb, I started sucking on cherry flavored cough drops. Yeah, Luden's cherry cough drops. Okay. I remember one day I found these in my dad's drawer somewhere. Like, he had this little medicinal drawer. And I don't even remember why I was in there. I wasn't doing anything crazy going in there, but I was sort of a snoopy sort of kid. I just sort of snoop around. And I found Luden's cherry cough drops. And I became addicted to those. And for quite a while, I sucked on those. And I absolutely love them. And they're. They're delicious. You know, like, even to this day, I love a Luden's cough drop. But, you know, my parents sort of put somewhat of a limit on it from what I can remember, because they're like, this is Kind of like candy, right? A Luden's cough drop is a sugar based cough drop. And to eat one or two when you have a sore throat is one thing, to be eating them all day is another. And so, you know, my parents let me have them, but, like, specifically, I remember they were at my dad's specifically, but they definitely put limits on me. I would have eaten a lot more of them if I was allowed. But I also would do really weird things. Like another example, like, I used to really love the flavor of mustard. And I remember one time. This, to me, feels in line with the oral fixation because I really liked mustard because it was, like, tingly and like, I don't know, it was like fun to eat and fun to taste because it was like, sour, you know? And I liked sour things as a kid. I still do. And so I would sometimes just like, eat a spoonful of mustard. Again, like, so odd. But there was something about it that, like, was sort of distracting and maybe soothing. I don't. I remember one time I took. I was watching YouTube on my iPad. Okay, I was maybe like 10, and I went into my room and closed the door with a bottle of mustard and a spoon. And I watched YouTube for like an hour and just kept squeezing more mustard onto the spoon and eating it. Okay, that is weird, you guys. That's totally weird. Okay, that's a little bit weird. But that was another thing I did. I did that multiple times. Only once did I like, really sit there and like, pretty much eat the entire thing of mustard, you know, like that. That only really happened once. But I definitely used to, like, squirt a little mustard in a spoon and like, slowly eat it. And it was sort of like, you know, a little something to do. And then. And then came the Warheads popsicles. Okay? So I used to live near a convenience store. Growing up, I lived near a convenience store. And my dad and I would go there all the time because, you know, like, we needed batteries or we needed. I don't know, like, we just needed something. So anyway, we were constantly at this convenience store. And I remember one day I walk in and on display in the front, like, fully, like, doing a promotion, loud in front of me. Warheads, sour popsicles. And I said, dad, get me two boxes. Okay? So I got these warhead popsicles. Oh, no. For. I can't remember. I need to call my dad and ask him. I think probably for like two years, like, every day after school, I was sucking on these for the rest of the day. Okay? My dad and I had to walk to the convenience store like, once every three days to buy more boxes of these popsicles. And that's something that would only ever happen at your dad's house with your divorced parents. Okay, Honestly, same thing with even the Luden's cherry cough drops. Like, that's such a dad's house. Divorced. Like, when your parents are divorced, going to your dad's is so chill. It's just chill. Like you can do shit. The mustard thing, that was also happening at my dad's. All of these weird things were happening at my dad's because I was free when I was there. When I was at my mom's, she was like, emma, why aren't you fucking doing the dishes or get. Or getting in the shower and scrubbing your ass? Like, hello, go fluff the pillows in the living room. Hello, do your homework. Hello, brush your hair. Like, I was busy. I was busy at my mom's because she was constantly on my ass. I always had shit to do at my dad's. I was just chilling, so my oral fixations were really coming out. Anyway, I was obsessed with these warheads popsicles. And it's so funny because they eventually, like, stopped selling them at the convenience store. And I craved them every day since. And I don't know, probably like four or five years ago, I decided to order them on Amazon. I found them on Amazon and I was like, let's go. And anyway, so I. I kind of got back into them for a period of time, but they. They weren't the same at that point. I was already vaping. I, like, I didn't need a popsicle, you know what I mean? They still tasted good, but yeah, it wasn't quite the same. Daredevil is born again on Disney plus. My name is Matthew Murdoch. I'm a lawyer. Exactly what kind of a lawyer are you? A really good one. Critics everywhere agree it's the best Marvel television series. Gritty, intense and elevated, it's Daredevil at his best. If you step out of line, I will be there. Marvel Television's Daredevil born again. Now streaming only on Disney plus Today at T Mobile, I'm joined by a special co anchor. What up, everybody? It's your boy. Big Snoop deal. Double G Snoop. Where can people go to find great deals? 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And I remember one day Kate came into history class and I saw her sucking on something and we were friends, so I went up to her and I was like, what is that? And she gave me one. She's like, it's a coffee Rio. I was like, what's that? She's like, it's like a coffee flavored candy. I got it at the candy store. And there was like a candy store that was, you know, like a 15 minute walk from our school. And I was like, oh, okay. I remember I tried it and it tasted like, okay, if you were to combine like a Frappuccino, like a Starbucks Frappuccino and a Tootsie Roll and then make it a little bit harder like a Jolly Rancher, Like a little bit like, texture in between a Jolly Rancher and a Tootsie Roll. So, like kind of hard, but not as hard as a. As a hard candy Jolly Rancher, right? And it tastes like a Frappuccino. It's like sweet, milky coffee, right? And you suck on it. It's like that, okay. Like it's, you know, maybe an inch and a half long. You know, whatever. I became obsessed, okay? Immediately after school ended that day, I walked down to the. To the little candy store and I bought an entire. This candy store was like a bulk candy store. Like, you could buy stuff in bulk, so they had all these different bins and you could, like, fill up a bag. So I went over and I filled up a massive bag filled with the coffee rios. Okay? They're called coffee rios. And for years, like, for like, probably the rest of middle school, I was constantly sucking on these. I was obsessed with them. And I actually have some at my house right now. I ordered them again online. I found them online somewhere and bought them. They're kind of rare. Like you don't see them around, but they're so good. Oh, my God, they're so good. Like, even today, they hold up. They're fucking delicious. But that wasn't my only middle school oral fixation, okay? Another discovery that I happened to discover from Kate. I don't know, Kate was an influencer. To be honest, Kate was influencing. Another oral fixation that came from Kate was one day she came to school and she had a sore throat, okay? And she brought cough drops to school. Now, as we know, I already had a cough drop obsession earlier in my life. It was the cherry cough drops Kate brought to school. A cough drop that I had never seen before, okay? This was the. I believe it was the Halls brand menthol minty cough drop, okay? And I was like, huh, what's that? She was like, it's so minty. And I remember, like, smelling her breath, and it was so minty. And I was like. Like, she was talking to me, and I could, like, it was just wafting out of her mouth, the smell of this, like, insane mint menthol. And I was like, oh, my God, can I try one? She was like, of. Once again, Kate influencing me. I became obsessed with the menthol cough drop. I was more obsessed with the Coffee Rio candy. But I also absolutely loved the menthol cough drop. It was, like a refreshing alternative. Cause, like, the Coffee Rio was, you know, it was coffee. It, like, was kind of rich, you know? Whereas the menthol cough drop was refreshing. Okay, next we have some oral fixations that actually my dad and I both shared. Like, we both loved these, okay? And these were things that we enjoyed together. Number one, Shawn White gum. Okay, closed your eyes and go back to 20, I don't know, 13 for a minute. And remember the Shaun White gum, okay? It was like a sweet mint gum by the brand Stride, I think. And it was a collab with Shaun White, and Shaun White's face was on it. And I wasn't even into winter sports, okay? At all. I don't know why we tried the Shaun White collab gum. We didn't even really know who Shaun White was, but my God, did we love his gum collab. Wow, wow, wow. It was good. It was good. And we chewed that gum every day on the way to school for years and years and years. We'd be driving to school, and we would be just chewing on that Shawn White gum. And you know what else we would have Classic Peppermint Lifesavers, okay? The Lifesaver sucker mints, okay? And those were nice because I could actually bring those with me to school. And have them with me at school. And it was allowed because gum was not allowed at school. Okay? So I'd have to spit it out when I got there. But the lifesavers I could absolutely have at school, and those were all great. But definitely, like, I can't express you. All of these different oral fixations were not just, like, little things I'd enjoy here and there or, like, things that I would use, you know, for, like, a functional purpose. Like, I wasn't sucking on the cough drops because my throat hurt. Right. I wasn't chewing gum or sucking on the mints because my breath was a bit sour. No, no, no. You know, I wasn't popping an occasional coffee Rio candy for funsies. I wasn't having an occasional. Like, these were all, like, oral obsessions, and they all sort of have a through line in a way. Like, they were really interesting to my palate, and they all of them weirdly brought me peace in one way or another. Like, they all sort of served some sort of weird emotional purpose, you know, like, the ones that I'd enjoy in class made me feel, you know, less anxious at school. You know, the stuff that I'd have at home would help me decompress after potentially an anxious day. Like, I don't know, it. It just makes sense to me. And then I got a little bit older and I started enjoying orange Tic Tacs. Okay. I don't really know when it started. Wait, the orange. I just remember. Hold on. I just had an insane flashback and I have to share it, but I don't even know if it's accurate. I thought that the orange Tic Tacs started when I was older, but I just realized that they actually might have started in elementary school. So when I was, like, literally five, six years old, I actually think someone had orange Tic Tacs in elementary school and gave me one. And I. I'm now remembering it, and I think that they said that they got it from church or something. Like, they had gotten an, like, orange Tic Tacs from their church. I. This is such a weird memory. I can't remember it. Anyway, so now I'm realizing that I liked orange Tic Tacs when I was, like, five years old. I was still sucking my thumb then, but apparently I liked orange Tic Tacs then too. But when I got a bit older, I always had orange Tic Tacs in my car because I absolutely loved them. So that was something that sort of came back for me. I wasn't really addicted to them, though. When I was like, five years old, I think I just liked them. And then it became more of, like, an obsession later on. Now let's get to the dirty stuff, okay? After I was done with school and I was an adult living in the real world, even though I wasn't really an adult, I was still kind of a teenager. We started with the nicotine, okay? We started with the nicotine. And I was just absolutely doomed from the start. I was so made for nicotine addiction because, you know, all forms of nicotine, cigarettes, vape, you know, nicotine pouches, even, like, dip, chew, all that stuff. Not that I'm dipping, but I've never even tried that. But all of that is very oral, right? And it's also. So it's like, not only is it oral, but it also is chemically addictive because of the nicotine. I was fucking doomed from the start. I never, ever should have even tried it, but I did. And it's funny because actually, when I first tried it, I remember I first tried the vape when I was actually in high school, and all my friends started to get juuls, if you remember the juul vape. You know, the chic little black one, right? You all know what a juul is. A juul. Everyone started using the juul, okay? It was, like, very popular. But at that time, I was very against it. I was like, I'm never gonna smoke. That's disgusting. I would never do that. You know, when you're young, you find these things foul, and then a lot of times you grow out of it, and then you. You grow to love them. Like, I thought drinking was foul when I was in middle school. I was like, I would never drink. That is so, like, bad for you. And then by, like, I don't know, the third month of freshman year, I was, like, getting drunk. You know what I mean? And it was the same thing with nicotine in vape. At first I was like, I'm not trying that. I'm not trying that. But I remember some of my friends started to get juuls, and then other of them started to get, like, box vapes. Like, the big, you know, box vape. And I remember my friends who had box vapes, they actually didn't have nicotine juice in there. It was, like, nicotine free. And I remember trying it and thinking it was kind of fun. And I would hit the vape in the car, and it didn't have any nicotine. And then eventually I tried the juul, and I hated it because it didn't. I don't know, didn't taste as good. Like, the really sweet, like, box vape was much more, like, yummy and fun. So, you know, and that didn't have nicotine in it, so I was, like, less afraid of it. And in high school, I never got into it, and everybody around me was using them. Everyone was addicted and I wasn't. And then again, I moved out, moved to la. And that's when I got addicted. I think I was under a lot more stress. I think. I think I was having a hard time. Like, I was working really long hours, which sounds insane. It's like, emma, you're a fucking youtuber. Shut the fuck up. Up. I get it. But, you know, my video, my YouTube videos used to take, like, 30 hours to edit. And because I, you know, they were really complicated edits, and it was a really grueling process. And I would have a hard time sitting and editing for, like, eight hours straight, which, now that I'm older, I have less of a hard time with. But when I was, like, I don't know, 17, it was a bit harder for me. 17, 18. So the vape really helped me. So I got super addicted to the vape. Specifically the jewel. Specifically Mango Jewel pod. Do we all remember the mango Jewel pod? Listen, I don't think anyone should vape. I scream from the fucking rooftops, nicotine is the devil. Don't touch it. But my God, I close my eyes and I think back to the mango Jewel pod. And I shed a small fucking tear, okay? Small fudgeing tear falls down my cheek. Because I think about the mango Jewel pod. I think about the flavor. I think about the flavor. And I remember the sweet, sweet memories of my teenage years. I loved the mango Jewel pot, but they did discontinue it. Why? Because children like me were using them. Okay? Children like me, wow. Isn't that just poetic? And I remember being like, why the Are they banning them? Like, kids aren't even using them. Like, it's. It's like people like me, like teenagers, it's like, yeah, you're the. The reason why they're banning them, idiot. Anyway, so it was so funny. Like, for majority of my vaping career, if you will, I was underage. And it was always such a grind to get Jewel Pods. It was a fucking grind. Like, I had to rely on others or, you know, get sneaky with it. It was complicated, but I made it happen. I made it happen. And, you know, for many years, I was very addicted to the vape, and I didn't ever even really try to quit. It was just sort of a part of my routine. And, you know, I. I used various different types I had. I used the juul for a long time, on and off. I also used disposable ones that are probably worse for you than the juul. I mean, the juul is bad enough. It's all bad for you. But, like, the disposable ones that have, like, that are coming, like, bright colors and, like, crazy flavors. Those are literally. Those are radioactive, you guys, we have to stop using those. Let me. Let me tell you. I mean, they're absolutely incredible. They're delicious. But, I mean, we cannot. We must stop. And now they're coming out with the vapes that have, like, the screen on the side, if you know what I'm talking about. It's insane. You guys, we have to stop. But I've tried. You know, I've tried it all. My favorite was always the. Was the juul. But eventually I got to a point where I was like, all right, I need to stop. Like, I feel like this is truly unhealthy. But I literally tried to quit vaping for, like, one day, and I had such an insane mental breakdown that I was like, I can't do this. And so I got into the Zen. And the zen is like a nicotine pouch. And for a long time, I absolutely loved the Zen. It was like it, to me, didn't feel as unhealthy. Do not take that as fact. Okay? I don't want all of the ear, nose, and throat doctors, I guess, just for the sake of the throat. But I don't want the ear, nose, and throat doctors to be like, uh, excuse me. Or I guess it would be dentists or gum doctor. Anyway, I don't need doctors. Being like, emma Chamberlain is spreading false information. She's saying that the nicotine pouches are healthier than the vape. No, it's not. They're all bad. I know they're all bad. But to me, I was like, all right, I'm letting something sit in my mouth versus inhaling something all the time. Like, this must be better. You know, this must be healthier. And I felt like I was getting the buzz from the nicotine. I was really happy with that. And I honestly was like, I don't think I'm ever gonna quit nicotine now. Like, I love these so much, and they feel so much healthier. Like, how could these be bad? How could they be wrong? You know, I'm not inhaling anything. It can't be bad. But then I Went through a breakup, and the breakup was tough, and I needed some happy chemicals in the brain. So I started juuling again. I got a new juul, and then I juuled for probably, like, another six months. And then I was like, all right, enough's enough. Like, you know, I started to get really bad health anxiety again about it. And I was like, I shouldn't be doing this anymore. So then I went back to the Zyn, and then in California, they banned the flavored Zyn. And I was like, God damn it, now what? And I was kind of faced with that dilemma of, like, now what? And that's when I sort of woke up and decided I need to figure something else out. And, you know, I actually forgot to mention there was a brief moment before I found the Zen where I tried Nicorette gum, which is like nicotine gum. And I just wanted to say that I hated it, that I didn't mention it earlier because it never really became, like, a consistent part of my routine. But I tried it, and I absolutely hated it. It didn't work for me, but anyway, so, yeah, I. I ultimately got to the point where I was like, it's being discontinued in California. Like, I'm not gonna be able to find it. But then also, like, I shouldn't be doing this shit anyway. And, like, it's probably better if I just quit. And so that was when I came to the conclusion that I was ready to embark on the journey to quitting nicotine. And that sort of unleashed a whole new wave of oral fixations. I went cold turkey this time. You know, in the past, like, when I would quit vaping, I would go to the Zyn. But this last time that I decided I was gonna quit, I didn't have that. It was just like, all right, I guess. I guess that's it. And so I was really, really desperate for oral fixations. So first I started with gum. Okay? And I was just buying, like, the average gum that we all know and love, okay? Like, we all know the big brands. My particular favorite was Ice Cubes. Icebreakers. That was the absolute best. But I also had a moment with the. I believe it was the brand Extra, and it was like, Extra Mint Medley. It was like Mint Medley. And it came in, like, you know, a little. Instead of coming in, like a cardboardish sort of little pack, it came in a plastic box, and it was like these kind of crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside, like, minty sort of squares. It's kind of similar to an icebreaker's Ice cube, except it was hard on the outside and the flavor was a bit different. I don't know. Anyway, so I really enjoyed those gums. I also bought Sour Patch Kid flavored gum. Like, I was just buying gum left and right. Okay. And for a really long time, I was chewing gum. Like, two months. Okay. Of chewing gum. But I started to notice that I was getting really extreme stomach pain. Like, really bad. Really, really bad. And I. Yeah, I knew what it was from. It was from the aspartame, which is the artificial sweetener in gum. It's really hard on the stomach, and it's not particularly a loved ingredient. Right. Like, it's. People who are health conscious do not like aspartame. It's kind of like. It's kind of like the mass artificial sweetener. Like, they use it in Diet Coke, you know, and it's not good for your gut. It's not. It's not healthy. Right. And there's constantly articles about, like, how bad it is for you. And I've seen some things about people saying, like, it might be a carcinogen, but I haven't seen anyone confirm that. But I think it's banned in some places. Like, it's definitely not a great ingredient. And it makes sense. Like, anything that's that sweet but doesn't contain any sugar, there's gotta be, you know, a catch. Like, we don't get anything for free in this life. So anyway, I experienced the catch. Okay. And that was that it destroyed my gut. Okay. In the beginning, when I first started chewing gum, it was fine. But eventually, after chewing, like, literally, I. I kid you not a piece. From the time that I woke up to the time I went to sleep, like, replacing the pieces every hour, probably chewing, like, 20 pieces of gum a day. Okay, Maybe not. Maybe like 12 to 15, but, like, a lot of gum. I think the aspartame eventually just, like, with my stomach or maybe like, I. I don't know what happened, but something bad really started to happen. And I started to get insanely painful gut issues. Like, I started getting horrible cramps on a daily basis that were so bad that I literally got to a point one day where I was like, I cannot. Like, this cannot happen again tomorrow. And so I was faced with the decision, like, what now? And so I started chewing aspartame free gum, and that actually fixed the problem. My stomach wasn't hurting anymore. But guess what? Guess what started to happen. I was chewing so much gum, I started to get jaw pain. Okay. And I also started to Notice facial puffiness. And I was like, what is going. Like, my face started to look puffy and my, like, jaw was looking bloated. And I was like, you would think if I was chewing gum all day that my jaw would be, like, sharp. Like, it would be, like, insane. Like, the sharpest jawline anyone's ever seen. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It made my face look very round and bloated, and it was not good, but I wasn't sure if that was what it was from. And so I just kept chewing gum, and my jaw progressively started to get worse and worse. And then I went into my orthodontist for, like, a routine sort of checkup because I'm doing Invisalign on my bottom teeth. I'm doing braces for the thousandth, millionth time. And I was talking to her about how I'd been chewing a lot of gum. She was like, oh, God, you might get tmj, which is, like, some sort of jaw condition that you can get from chewing too much gum. And I think I started to get that. Not only that, but the aspartame free gum, like, wasn't that good anyway. Like, it did the trick, but it lost flavor very quickly. And that was kind of frustrating. Like, I was having to put in a new piece constantly. And also, gum is tough because you have to spit it out somewhere and that. Like, sometimes I didn't know where to spit it. Like, I got to the point where I was like, the brand of gum that I was using came in, like, these little bags, and I would always keep an extra one of the bags, like, an extra empty one of the bags in my, like, purse as well. And I'd spit the old gum into the empty bag and then grab new gum out of the full bag. Do you guys see what I'm saying? But people really found that disgusting. People who were close to me. I wasn't, like, spitting the gum out in front of strangers, like, at a meeting. But, like, my loved ones were like, emma, what the fuck are you doing? Like, you're chewing gum all day long, spitting it into that little bag. Like, it's really just weird. And the jaw pain got so bad, I was like, fuck this. What? What? Like, I just need my oral fixation. For the love of God, where is it? And then I found my recent obsession, my recent oral fixation, which is the brand. I've talked about these before on the podcast, so I'm sorry that I sound like a broken record. The pur brand aspartame free Tangerine Tango mints. Okay. These are just absolutely incredible. They remind me of the orange Tic Tac that I mentioned earlier, but they don't have aspartame in it. They don't hurt my stomach yet. They're my current obsession. The only problem with them is that sometimes they make my mouth raw because I literally suck on them all day long. But so far, they're pretty reliable. And I just. I have one in my mouth all day long. I literally have the little tin with me of the little orange mints all day long. I order them on bulk on Amazon. I'm absolutely eating them all day long. And I like when I'm working, when I'm doing everything, I cannot leave the house without them. If I leave the house without them, I get anxious in the same way that I felt when I used to leave the house without the Jewel, in the same way that I used to feel when I would go on a trip and forget Biggie Big, my stuffed animal, which literally never even happened because I couldn't go a night without Biggie Big, my stuffed animal. And so that is my current obsession. In addition to another oral fixation, one that I have not discussed yet. That is my new obsession as of the last week and a half, two weeks, okay? And that is minty flavored toothpicks. People have been recommending, like, flavored toothpicks, cinnamon toothpicks, mint toothpicks, nicotine toothpicks. They actually have nicotine toothpicks for years. And I've always been like, why would I want to chew on a toothpick? Do I look like a fucking cowboy? Do I look like a douchebag? Do you? Like, I don't want to chew on a toothpick. But actually somebody in my life who also on and off, quits nicotine, uses it again. Quits whatever. Was like, try this toothpick. And I was like, all right, why not? Tried the toothpick. Obsessed. Ordered so many of them. Obsessed with them. Absolutely. Popping the toothpick. Now I switch between. I always either have a mint in my mouth or a toothpick. The only time I don't. I'm not even kidding. Is when I record this podcast. Otherwise, I have a toothpick in my mouth. I'll tell you a funny story about the toothpick. So, as you all know, I'm obsessed with hot yoga right now. I talk about it every episode. It's so embarrassing and so cringe. It's like, who fucking cares, Emma? Like, shut the fuck up. But I love yoga and like two days ago I was going to a 9am class and on the way there in the car I had a toothpick in my mouth and I kind of forgot. And so I walk into class and I check in, whatever and I go into the room for the class and I'm sitting there on my mat, fully ready for class, like in my yoga clothes. Okay, like ready to go. And I still have my toothpick in my mouth. And I was like, oh, that's kind of funny. I forgot to take it out, but it's still minty and the class hasn't started yet, so I'm just going to chew on it. And then I start chatting with somebody in there who I actually hadn't chatted with before. And she was like, okay, so it's 9am and you're chewing on a toothpick. Like, what is going on? Like, you look cool, I guess, but like, what's going on? And I was like, oh totally. And then I realized how fucking douchey it looks. I'm in yoga in my like yoga clothes and I have a toothpick in my mouth and I'm like, like, what's happening? Anyways, loving the toothpick though. It's incredible. It's absolutely incredible. And you know, I'm gonna put in a toothpick after this. Oh man, I have one sitting right here. I might even put one in now. It is so frickin good. The toothpick. Yum. Oh my God, yum. Little minty toothpick. You know, and the thing that's funny about the toothpick too is that it actually does, it kind of does look cool. Like it is douchey, but I have to take it out of my mouth because you can hear that it's in my mouth, but it's a bit douchey, but it's kind of fucking cool. I don't know, there's something cool about it. So I'm kind of loving it. Anyway, so aspartame free orange flavored mints and minty toothpicks are my oral fixations of today. Do I think I'll ever grow out of this? I don't know. I don't know. It's interesting too because like I also started drinking. This is another oral fixation, my apple cider vinegar in sparkling water drink that I've drank throughout my life on and off because my mom, you know, used to give it to me when I'd have a tummy ache. And I actually just grew to like it and liking the Flavor. So I've, you know, on and off drank it throughout my life. For the last, like, I don't know, probably year since my nicotine quitting journey started, I've been drinking that more. And I think it's because that also is sort of an oral fixation. It's super sour. The vinegar is super sour, and it's like, something satisfying for my mouth, you know, that's actually another one. I've talked about that a lot as well. That's another sort of obsession of mine, and I think it, like, weirdly makes sense. Like, I have a coffee company. Why? Not randomly, but because since I was, like, a teenager, I've absolutely adored always having a coffee. I love having a coffee. I love that it's bitter. It's interesting for my brain. Like, you know, obviously, it also is caffeine. So I love caffeine. I'm not anti caffeine. And I mean, thank God for that, because, again, I have a coffee company. If I had a coffee company and I was. Was anti caffeine or I grew to become anti caffeine, that would be bad. I'm not anti caffeine. I actually don't think caffeine is bad as long as, you know, you are responsible about your intake, which I am, and we should all be. But, yeah, like, I don't know, I think my love of, like, certain beverages, like, I love fun beverages because I love sipping on something that's, like, fun and interesting. I don't know. I think it all makes sense now, you know, like, so many little things that I've loved over the years makes so much sense to me now because of this sort of realization that I have the worst oral fixation out of anyone possibly on the planet. But, you know, there's something kind of sweet about it. Like, there's something kind of charming about the fact that, like, I always leave a trace because of my oral fixation. Let me explain. Like, when I used to be obsessed with the cough drops or the coffee rios, I was always leaving the little wrappers around. Or when I got a little older and I was vaping, I would always leave juul pods, like, empty jewel pods around. Like, you'd find them in my bed and in my pockets and in my car and everywhere. And then, you know, when I was using the Zyn, I would fucking spit the Zen everywhere. Like, in my car. Oh, my God, this was something that was so bad. Like, people hated this about me. People meaning, like, my loved ones. I used to think it was funny to. When I Was driving? No. Oh, my God. Why do I tell stories like this? This is the type of stuff where then you guys judge me and, like, bring it up for the next, like, year and say that I'm disgusting. When I was driving, I used to think it was funny to spit the zinn, which was like a little, you know, it's like a little nicotine pouch that I would put under my lip against my gums, right? I would spit it and try to get it to stick to my passenger side door window. Sometimes I just thought it was funny. Like, it was like a funny challenge to see if it would stick. It's disgusting. It's so immature. I'm sorry. But anyway, there was always zins everywhere. Like little zinn pouches in my pocket, you know, in my hair, in my bed. Like, my mom would like, fucking be like, emma, are you kidding me? And she, like, I would like, give her a gift or something or like buy her groceries and there's like a zin in the bag. Like, it was just everywhere, you know, with the gum. I constantly was spitting gum out. It was like my little thing, you know. And now with the minty toothpicks everywhere I go, there's just minty toothpicks all over, everywhere. They're in my car. They're, you know, they're in my shoes somehow. How'd they get there? I don't know. But there is something kind of charming about how I always leave a trace because of my oral fixation. You know what? It could be worse. I'm excited for the day that comes when maybe I don't need any of this. I don't crave any of this. I don't want to hit a vape. I don't want to pop a zan in. I don't need a minty toothpick. I'm excited for that day to come, but my God, has it not come yet? And in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my minty toothpicks and my aspartame free orange mints in peace. And you know what? At least it's not nicotine. I don't think that these things are going to kill me. So that's better, you know, that's better. Anyway, that was the overly detailed list of every oral fixation I've ever had in my entire life. And I hope that you enjoyed it. And if you did, don't worry. New episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. I'll be back. Okay. We can hang out again if you want. And you can also find anything goes on social media at anything goes. And you can also watch on YouTube and on Spotify and listen anywhere you stream podcasts and and you can also find me on social media, Emma Chamberlain. And you can also find my coffee company@chamberlain coffee.com or @chamberlain Coffee on social oh, the toothpick's falling out of my mouth. At Chamberlain Coffee on social media and at a grocery store near you, perhaps if you live near a Target or a Sprouts or an Albertsons or a Whole Foods or something, check the store locator on chamberlain coffee.com to see if we're in a store near you. And that's it. That's all I have for today. A little trip down memory lane through the lens of my oral fixation. What a beautiful, beautiful way to take a trip down memory lane. I wonder what it'd feel like to not have an oral fixation. I may never know. All right, that's all I have for today. It was truly a pleasure, as always. I absolutely love hanging out with you all. It's truly a joy for me and I hope it's a joy for you and I love you and I appreciate you and I'll talk to you in a few days. Oh, my God. I'm just absolutely devouring my little toothpick right now. It's so delicious. I wish you guys could have. Have this tooth, share this toothpick with me. Not this exact one, but I wish we could just sit together and have toothpicks together. So good. All right, bye.