A (0:00)

I'm the type of girl that's always got a little dilemma swirling around in her head. Whether I need to have a dilemma swirling around in my head because there's genuinely a dilemma in front of me, or I create a dilemma because I'm bored. I'm the type of girl that's always got a little dilemma swirling around in her head. And a dilemma that I've found myself facing a lot recently is the choice to either strive or settle. I have two conflicting mantras when I'm faced with this dilemma. On one hand, I believe we should strive to get the best in life. We should. We should strive for as close to perfection as we can possibly find. We should never give up. We should always keep striving. And then on the other hand, I hold the belief that nothing is truly perfect and sometimes it's okay to settle. Sometimes settling is. Is actually how to find fulfillment and peace in life. It can be such a beautiful thing to bloom where you're planted, you know. So I thought today I'd sit down with you all and together we could discuss this dilemma and hopefully I can come out the other side feeling a bit more confident about how to handle this dilemma, as it does seem to come up for me a lot. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by the Ordinary Self Care is important, but it can be super expensive, right? Especially when you're talking skincare products. Thankfully, the Ordinary is focused on quality skincare that's priced to make great skincare accessible to everyone and that genuinely works. Formulations created in their lab designed to give your skin precisely what it needs. They've even made a free regimen builder on their website. If you don't know where to start, use code EMMAC10 for 10% off@theordinary.com now back to the episode. Every decision, if you think about it, if you really break it down, is a choice between striving or settling. Like if you want to move towns, one choice is settling. Staying where you're at is settling, and moving somewhere else is usually striving. You're striving for something better. Same thing goes for deciding to stay in a friendship or leave a friendship. If you stay in the friendship, you're settling and if you leave the friendship, you're striving to go out into the world and find better friendship. If you're faced with the decision of whether or not you're going to leave your job, staying is settling and leaving is striving for again, something better. That's out there. And I think a misconception that a lot of people have about settling is that settling is a negative thing always. But when I googled the definition of settling, it says to sit or come to rest in a comfortable position, which is not a negative thing. But there is definitely a negative connotation around settling, whereas there's not as much of a negative connotation around striving, if any at all. Which makes sense because it's taking action and it's getting after it, and it's pushing yourself and your life to its greatest potential. But I think in a time when we're obsessed with showing our success to the world and. And we're obsessed with stories of grandiose results, I think even more than perhaps in the past because of the Internet, maybe not. I don't know. I'm just. I'm just guessing. Settling feels even more like a negative thing. And a lot of times when we talk about settling, we talk about it in stories where it was. It was a mistake. Like, that was a mistake. Usually when we talk about settling, we're talking about settling for less. We're not talking about just settling to enjoy the moment. Bloom where we're planted, if you will. I really love the quote bloom where you're planted, apparently. I wonder where I heard that. Maybe it was a teacher or something. I feel like a teacher said that to me once. Like, sometimes in life you have to bloom where you're planted. But it's a very good saying, and it is true. Sometimes I don't believe that settling is always a negative thing. And so I invite you to look at settling through a positive lens. Today, I'm using the word settling for what it is, which is to sit or come to rest in a comfortable position. Let's discuss the pros and cons of both striving and settling. There's nothing I love more than a pros and cons list. I find in my life that whenever I'm confused, I'm lost. Thoughts are jumbled in my head. A pros and cons list really helps me find clarity. I think it would be beneficial to just get a firm grasp on the pros and the cons of striving and settling, at least in my life and in my experience and from my perspective. So let's start with striving. Well, what's the definition? I googled it. I also find a lot of value in googling definitions of words that I already know the definition of even It. It feels kind of like a waste of time. Or like, sort of stupid at times. But I find that there can be something clarifying once again about Googling the definition of a word that we already know. The definition of striving is to make great efforts to achieve or obtain something. Wow. That is not a riveting definition. That is exactly what I think we all probably assumed that it was. Exactly. But you know what? I still feel a sense of clarity from it a little bit. So let's start with the pros of striving. I think the act of striving for something gives me a strong sense of purpose. You know, having a goal and working towards it gives me a sense of purpose. And I think that that's inspiring and energizing, not just for me, but for everyone. I think that's a universal experience. And I've even given that advice on this podcast before. Like, if you're feeling a sense of hopelessness and you feel lost, one of the best things that you can do is create a goal and strive towards motivates you to get out of bed in the morning. It's energizing. A lot of times striving feels like the more positive, hopeful, empowered decision. I also think striving is crucial in accomplishing things in life. You can't accomplish things without it. We all have to strive to a certain extent to move things around to progress, right? You're often not gonna. Well, I think that you can still progress when settled, but we'll talk about that later. But I think oftentimes the act of striving is pushing us forward, pushing us to better our lives. I also think the act of striving and then accomplishing things helps us build confidence in ourselves. Like. Like embarking on a journey to accomplish goals and failing along the way. But getting back up and ultimately accomplishing what you wanted to accomplish is so empowering. And it really helps build self esteem, but also self respect too. Like sticking to it, keeping a promise to yourself. That's pretty good. It's pretty good for you. Feels pretty good. And the last pro that I can think of is you definitely avoid experiencing regret when you choose to strive versus settle. I feel like when you strive for something, even if you don't accomplish what you wanted to accomplish, you're definitely less likely to regret striving, I would say, than settling. I think it kind of relates to the saying. What's the saying? Like you'll never regret trying. Is it that simple? Is that what the saying is? It's kind of true. I think we more often regret settling. But now let's go to the cons of striving because I think the cons are important because number one, we live in a very grind set hustle culture era. And perhaps that's always been the case. But I feel like I've seen a lot of conversations on the Internet about how ambitious of a generation Gen Z is and how obsessed with productivity everyone seems to be these days. Actually, maybe that's even more millennial. Is that more millennial? I don't know. But either way, the generations today that are starting to work are obsessed with hustling, productivity grinding. Now more than ever, it's important to be aware of the cons of striving for more, because it's not always the answer. I don't think this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. When's the last time you thanked your therapist? If it's been a while, now's a good time. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, the perfect time to appreciate anyone in your life who's had a positive impact on your mental well being. When I need to vent or I need advice or I just want to chat about life, I have a lot of wonderful people I can call. I can call my parents, I can call my friends. But sometimes you want to talk to somebody who isn't involved in your personal life. And that's where therapy comes in. Therapists are trained to give you tools to improve your quality of life. You can get help for clinical issues like anxiety and depression that keep persisting. You can learn positive coping skills, learn how to be kinder to yourself. Having the right person to talk to can be life changing. And if you need help finding that, betterhelp is a good place to start. This World Mental Health Day we're celebrating the therapists who have helped millions of people take take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right one for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com anything that's better h e l p.com anything this episode is brought to you by Squarespace. If you want a website that actually looks like you, not some boring template, Squarespace has these incredible AI powered design tools that make it super easy to create something unique. Plus, if you're offering services, you can manage bookings and payments all in one spot. It's simple, stylish, and totally doable. Go to squarespace.com emma for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, use code EMMA to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I think the first con with striving is that a lot of us tend to strive for perfection, an unrealistic outcome. But as we all know, when we really think about it, perfection does not exist. And I think if we're striving for perfection or an unrealistic outcome, we can end up missing out on the wonderful opportunities and the wonderful life that is in front of us. And I think that's a huge issue. That's a real shame. If you strive irresponsibly, you can end up using a lot of your time and energy to strive for something that doesn't exist, that you'll never arrive to. And then once you realize that, it's really upsetting because you look back at your life and you're like, I've been striving for something that didn't even exist, could never even happen. And I missed out on the beautiful life that was in front of me and the wonderful opportunities that I did have. You know, I think a great example of that would be in relationships. Honestly, relationships, romantic relationships in particular, are very complicated. I think a lot of us expect some sort of kindred soulmate experience. And though there are people out there who experience that, that's not guaranteed for everyone. And there are some arguments that that sort of soulmate experience is almost a state of delusion, like it's not even real and that eventually the veil will be lifted and you're faced with the choice to stay with the person because you love them and you want to make it work. And it's not like it's not always going to be easy and obvious. I think in all healthy relationships, there's going to be uncomfortable moments, challenging moments, and we shouldn't settle and stay in a bad relationship. But also good relationships can be really challenging too. And I think if we are in the pursuit of the perfect romantic relationship, we can fail to recognize that the challenges we're being faced with in. In our. In our romantic relationships are actually invitations to grow together. Ideally, you know, that romantic partner will help you grow, but that's uncomfortable and it feels shitty sometimes even. And so I think a lot of people will leave a relationship when any sort of challenges arise because they're like, well, this can't be my soulmate because this is a challenging moment when really that relationship might have been a beautiful thing. Now everything, you know, like the mistakes that we make, leaving a relationship because we're expecting perfection is a part of our journeys, right? And there's no need to Feel guilt or regret about that if that's a mistake that you've made, because hopefully you learn from it and you don't do it again. You know, it's like, we have to, but ideally we don't do that. But that's a great example of when I think striving for the impossible can be really damaging. But the same thing could even apply in your career, or trying to find the perfect place to live, or trying to find the perfect friend group or whatever. Like, it can apply in all things. Another con of striving is it can be incredibly discouraging and exhausting. It's not necessarily a con, but whenever you're striving for something, working towards a goal, failure is almost inevitable. And that's not necessarily a con. Like, I'm almost hesitant to put this on the cons list because I think failing is so important and getting back up and trying again is so important. But I think in particular, if you're striving for something that's there's a slim chance of success, it can kind of ruin your spirit. It can be at times even depressing. And that can be harmful for your spirit in your sense of sort of optimism and desire in life. And then you really can't enjoy your life. It's complicated because even if you're striving for something that you can accomplish, you're gonna fail along the way. And that can be depressing and debilitating and exhausting and upsetting, but sometimes that's a part of the journey. So it's tricky. You know, a less tricky con is I think at times we can choose to strive over settle, because we believe that striving towards a goal will solve a bunch of problems in our lives. Well, if I accomplish this thing, then everything in my life will be fixed. If I finally find the right place to live, if I finally find the right partner, if I finally find the right friend group, if I finally find the perfect job, then everything in my life will be perfect. And again, perfection doesn't exist. And so that can be a little bit dangerous because. Or maybe dangerous is too extreme of a word, but that can be a. A bit harmful because when you expect too much out of an outcome, you just end up disappointed, you know, And a lot of times we can use striving to run away from again, opportunities to grow. Like, I think striving can be sort of a way of running away from the root problem. Does that make sense? Like, we can convince ourselves that it's the solution, but really we need to, like, face our lives for what they are, you know. And last but not least, I think the act of striving for something can become all consuming, can become sort of an obsession very easily, to the point where at times I think it can cause an inability to live in the moment. And it's so important that at whatever phase we're at in our lives, we can try to enjoy the moment too, because the moment that we're living in is kind of all we have. I'm dropping a lot of cliches today, but it's true. And I really struggle with this, to be honest, because I'm somebody who has a tendency to choose to strive over, settle, I would say in most categories of my life, I would say in everything but romantic relationships, I tend to choose to strive. Like that's my default. I've noticed in myself that I can become so obsessed with working towards a lot of times what I deem to be perfection, which, again, I know is unhealthy, but I. I can have a tendency to do that to the point where I cannot live in the moment. It is so hard for me to live in the moment. I'm always thinking about the future. I'm always thinking about where I'm going, and I have to be so mindful to enjoy where I'm at. You know, the only exception is romantic relationships, where I do have a tendency to settle. Not even necessarily in a negative way, but, like, I really try to make relationships, romantic relationships work. I really, really try. Even when deep down I know it's really not working. I will stay for years longer than I should, years, because I don't want to miss the opportunity to grow together, you know, and also because I like the comfort of a relationship. I think ultimately too, I think that the comfort and the stability, to me, the idea of, like, striving within the relationship seems more appealing to me than going back out into the world and striving for a better partner. But anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. Those are the pros and cons of striving in my head, in my opinion, in my experience. Now let's go to the pros and the cons of settling. Starting with the pros. Nothing is ever going to be 100% perfect. I've said this time and time again. And although a lot of times, you know, like the. The sort of rhetoric, the cultural sort of rhetoric is that, like, we can always do better. There's always something better out there. I think if you're constantly striving for that and you never let yourself sit or come to rest in a comfortable position. That's an exhausting lifestyle. You know, like, at a certain point when things are good, it's okay to settle. There are. There are points in our lives where it is actually really enjoyable to settle. You can settle for a few years and then start striving again in all things, in all categories of life. But, like, we have to settle sometimes. And I think when we choose to settle, we can really find fulfillment in where we're at in our lives and give ourselves a break from the rat race in a way, you know, and like, really just enjoy what we have. And I think the thing about striving is that a lot of times, again, like, it can be really hard to know when to stop and to accept where we're at. And it can be sort of scary after a long period of time of striving and striving and striving to. To decide, wait, have I arrived? You never really know when you've arrived to the thing, I think. And some people disagree with me. Some people are like, when you know, you know about everything in life. But at least in my experience, I haven't experienced that in almost anything. Career, personal life. Like, I am always questioning whether or not I've arrived at the thing. And maybe that's because I've never arrived at the thing that I'm looking for. But maybe that's also because the end goal doesn't really exist. You could strive forever. And I think that's why settling can be a beautiful thing, because it can allow you to just rest and enjoy. And there can be fulfillment in that. Fulfillment through enjoying the present. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Skims. You know, I prioritize comfort in my life. And what's something that I wear every day? Bra and underwear. Actually, not always bra and sometimes not underwear, but most of the time I'm wearing a bra and underwear. Now, unfortunately, bras and underwear aren't always comfortable, Whether it's the underwire digging into your side or stiff underwear material that chafes. But you know who makes some comfy bras and underwear? Skims. Yeah, I absolutely adore the Fits Everybody. Boy short underwear and the Fits everybody triangle bralette. That combo is perfection. Comfortable, soft, buttery material, but also cute. Shop my favorite bras and underwear@skims.com and after you place your order, be sure to let them know that I sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select Anything goes in the dropdown menu that follows. Now, back to the episode. I kind of mentioned this earlier, but another pro of settling is that when you're settled in a situation, that doesn't mean that there is no more growth. In fact, I think a lot of times there's equal potential to grow in a settled situation than there is in a. In a striving situation. Let's say in your. In your career. Let's say you've chosen to settle for a moment in your career and just enjoy it for what it is and try to get really good at what you're doing, try to be the best at what you're doing. There's. That's such a growth opportunity to get comfortable where you're at, but within the confines of that comfort, push yourself to your absolute best. You know, which leads me to my next pro, which is you can still strive in a settled situation. Like, just because you're technically kind of sitting in a comfortable, you can still strive for the best in that situation. Like, let's go back to romantic relationships. If you're in a committed relationship, technically you're settled, right? You're not looking out there for. For someone else. You're. You're comfortable. You're in a state of resting. But within that state of resting, you can still strive to create the best, most communicative, most supportive, most beautiful relationship possible. You can, you can actually strive while you're settled. Whereas, I don't know, I. I think you can probably settle while you're striving a little bit through enjoying the journey of striving. But to me, like, striving is like such a movement forward. It's such a. You're pushing. I don't know if you can really find comfort and rest when you're actively moving forward. Maybe in small ways, but like, I don't know, in my head anyway. And in my experience, you can still strive when you're settled, but it's much harder to settle while you're striving. That doesn't really make sense as much to me, but maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Moving on to the cons, okay, the cons of settling to settle is to stop the pursuit of finding the best version of something for your life. And there's always going to be the question of, well, what if there's something out there that's better? For me, that question is inevitable. There's that. That question's always going to be in the back of your head when you're settled and Maybe there's some sort of level of emotional maturity that you can reach where you don't ask that question anymore. Maybe when you've truly settled at the right point in your life, you don't have that question anymore. I don't know. The way that my brain works, I always have that question lingering in the back of my head when I'm in a moment of settling. Even when things are really good in my life, I always am asking myself, well, what if there's something else out there for me that I'm missing out on because I'm enjoying this moment? And even if, even when I feel 95% confident that the choice to settle in a particular situation is what makes sense in my life and is what is the most fulfilling choice for me at a given moment in my life, that question still lingers sometimes. And I don't think it's necessarily an unhealthy question to ask because I think it's a form of self reflection. And I think asking yourself that question is important. But I think in a way, it is still sort of a con, because you don't ask yourself that question when you're striving because you're actively looking for that best thing. And so, even though I think this isn't fully a con, because in a way I think it's healthy to ask yourself this question and question your existence and what you're doing as often as possible, as long as it's not too obsessive, which I have a tendency to do. I. I do think in some ways it's a con. You know, I think the greatest con with settling is that sometimes we choose to settle because we're too tired or unmotivated to push ourselves to be our greatest potential. And that is a shame. Settling can be the easier option. It can be a way of giving up on ourselves, leading us to a less fulfilling life. And that is a shame. In the same way that striving can be used as a. As an escape and as a way to run away from a growth opportunity, settling can also be harmful. In the same way, it can enable us to stay in our comfort zone. And that's also sometimes a negative thing, you know, And I think too, that it's very common that we underestimate ourselves and settle before we should. You know, not everybody is prone to that. Right. Like, not like. I think there's different types of personalities. I think some people have a tendency to strive and always feel like they deserve better. Other people have a tendency to undervalue themselves and not see their. Their true potential and to kind of give up on themselves and to not push themselves as far as they could because they don't believe that they can be pushed that far. I mean, I think most people probably fall somewhere in the middle, but I mean, I know both types of people. But I think it's very common to underestimate yourself. And I think settling can be sort of a way to avoid growth. And last but not least, I think at times settling at the wrong time can make you feel bad about yourself, like you're a failure, like you're not capable of achieving greatness. Settling before you're ready can really impact the way that you see yourself in a negative way. And I think another con of settling is that it's really hard to know when to settle. As I mentioned earlier, there is no clear, obvious time to settle. Like, you can strive for your entire life and you might never reach exactly what you're looking for. And you don't want to settle too soon, but you also don't want to settle too late. Like, it's like knowing when is there is no exact perfect time. And that's another con is that there's no obvious time to stop. But arguably, settling too soon. I think striving for too long and settling too soon to me are equally harmful. And some people might disagree with me on that. That is very much my opinion. But I think that they're equally as harmful because both prevent you from ultimately finding a sense of fulfillment in your life. If you strive for too long, you never lived in the moment and you were looking for something that didn't exist. And once you realize that, it's a very empty experience. On the other hand, if you settle too soon and you don't push yourself to reaching more of your potential, that also is a very unfulfilling experience and can leave you feeling like a disappointment. But I think with both, you can always pivot. If you've been striving for too long and realized that you were striving for something that didn't exist, you can always pivot. Same thing goes for if you've been settling in something for a long time, but then you later realize, like, ah, I settled too soon. Who says you can't get back up and keep pushing forward? I think, honestly, as I'm thinking about striving versus settling, it's becoming clear to me that as often as possible, I think we should try to have a balance of both, which tends to be the case with most things in life. Like, we should Try to strike a balance. Strive for a balance between moving fast and moving slow. Strike a balance between thinking about the future and enjoying the present. Like I think in most dilemmas that I experience in my life, balance seems to be the answer. I think when it comes to striving and settling and finding that balance, I think that that means to find the comfort and beauty in where we're at in our lives through a sense of settling while keeping a healthy set of standards and striving for greatness in a way that feels realistic and intuitive. But that's so much easier said than done. And yes, ideally, we can find that state as. But it's like, that's nice, right? That's a nice idea. And I think it's worth striving for, if you will, and worth trying to maintain in life. But I will say that there are specific situations where you are kind of pushed to choose one or the other to sit where we're at and get comfortable with or to walk away. Like, we have to choose. We cannot do both. You know, I think a great example of that would be when you're in a challenging place in a romantic relationship. Now I say a challenging place because healthy relationships have challenging phases. Also, healthy relationships aren't always good relationships. They aren't always the right relationships. You can have a healthy romantic relationship with somebody but you, but them not ultimately be the right fit for you as a partner. That's why it's so fucking hard to figure out who to choose as your life partner. If you're somebody who dreams of that, of that life, same thing goes for a job. You might be in a job that you enjoy, but that you're not obsessed with. And there might be an opportunity where you get a new. A new job offer. You could either stay at your existing job and settle there and keep working towards, you know, greatness there, or you could take this new job where maybe you'd have to start from scratch, start from zero, and start building back up. But there's maybe potential that that might be an even more fulfilling job for you. But that's a risk. That's an act to choose, that is to strive and to stay at your current job. You can still strive in that job, but maybe there's less potential. But if you're faced with the opportunity of a new job, you have to see either say yes to that new job and quit the other one or the opposite. Or perhaps your lease is up where you live and you're faced with a choice. You can either choose to stay where you live now, stay settled there, or potentially move somewhere else that might be a better fit for you. Perhaps you really love your friends where you live, but the weather really impacts you negatively. Perhaps you live in New York City and it's really dark during the winter and really cold and. And maybe you're interested in moving to Los Angeles. This is a very big city example. But, like, you know, you get what I'm saying. Or perhaps you live in Los Angeles and you really love the weather, but you don't have a good social circle. You could either choose to try to build the social circle or move and strive for something different, something better. I would say you can approach life in general with a balance of settling and striving, but when it comes down to individual situations, it is a choice. I would say a lot of times I don't know. So how do we decide which to choose? Listen, I might not be right. I never claim to be right, but this is what I think. I think it makes sense to strive when, number one, the goal and the expectation for the outcome are realistic and rooted in reality. Now, that's not to say that we shouldn't ever strive for things that are challenging to accomplish that have a slim likelihood of working out, because I think there are also times when we're called to do that in life. But when I say unrealistic and sort of impossible, I more mean like striving for euphoria, striving for nirvana, striving for something that doesn't exist. That's when it's bad. But I think when the goal and expectation for the outcome are realistic and rooted in reality, I think. I think, why not? You know? And I think to build on that. I think striving is a great option when the journey will be fulfilling. You know the saying, shoot for the moon and if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Even if you don't reach your goal, you'll still end up in a better place than you would have otherwise. I think if that's the case in a particular situation where you're faced with the dilemma, I think, why not strive you. You know. This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's fruit snacks. Isn't it so satisfying when you combine two of your favorite things to make something even better? It's like when I'm putting an outfit together and I pair two of my favorite pieces together that I've never put together before. Like, it just never crossed my mind. If you love a good pairing like I do. New Welch's Fusions are so good. Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors and one juicy bite. One flavor on the outside, another on the inside. It's an unbelievable taste sensation, so I recommend them for experienced taste buds only. You've been warned. New Welch's Fusions please fuse responsibly. This episode is brought to you by Degree Original Cool Rush, the iconic scent that's back and better than ever. When a guy walks by and smells amazing, that's not magic. Chances are it's just Cool Rush. It's the kind of bold, fresh scent that people actually notice. With sweat protection that lasts all day. It's perfect for your boyfriend, dad, roommate or any guy in your life. Head to Walmart or Target to grab Degree Cool Rush, the fan favorite scent from the world's number one antiperspirant brand. This episode is brought to you by Panda Express. There are a lot of ways to say I love you. You can write a song, recite a poem, or just, you know, verbally say I love you. Or you could say it with delicious wok fired food. So take your friends, family or hopeful romantic partner to Panda Express and say it with menu favorites like orange chicken, broccoli, beef or honey walnut shrimp. Or if they're vegetarian like me, the chow mein and super greens are great options too. Panda Express have you eaten yet? Order now or find your nearest store@pandaexpress.com this episode is brought to you by HBO Max. Rachel Sennett's new HBO original comedy series I Love L A will hit TV screens this Sunday night. The breakout star of Bottoms in Shiva Baby brings a new show about a young, ambitious friend group navigating life and love in Los Angeles. Sennett stars alongside Jordan Firstman, Josh Hutcherson, Odessa Azion and True Whitaker. Don't miss the world premiere of I Love LA this Sunday at 10:30pm exclusively on HBO Max, subscription required. Visit HBOMax.com for details. Next I think it can be a telltale sign that striving is the right decision. If you know that you'll regret not trying, think about how you'll feel if you settle. If you feel strongly that you're going to regret not trying to, I think that's a sign to strive. Next I think we should strive when settling sounds appealing because it allows you to avoid an opportunity to grow. As I mentioned earlier, if deep down you know that you're avoiding pushing yourself forward and you're just settling because it's easier, that is when you should be striving the most, that's when you need to push yourself the hardest. You know, I think too, there's something to be said for intuition. Like, if your intuition is strongly telling you to strive, that there's more out there and you trust your intuition, you're somebody who has a good relationship with your intuition. I think that in itself can be a sign. I also think too, if you're somebody who has a tendency to settle and that seems to be your default, perhaps that can also be a sign that maybe striving is the right decision. And last but not least, I think when it's truly impossible to comfortably, healthily settle, and in your existing situation, you've tried everything and you are certain that it is not right, that's an obvious sign to strive for more. Like, if you have really tried to bloom where you're planted. And again, this is. I'm not talking about, like, toxic, truly unhealthy situations, because that's all. You always should strive for more in that situation. But that's sort of. I feel like that hopefully goes without saying, right? I'm saying, like, when maybe you. Let's say again, let's go back to a job. Let's use the job example. If you've chosen to sort of settle in a certain job and bloom where you're planted, but it's proven to not be fulfilling for you, and you've tried everything and it's just not working the way you thought it would, that's an obvious sign to strive for more. You know, obviously that journey doesn't happen overnight. That's a. That, you know, when making changes in career, that's a. That's a process, you know, and so I'm not saying, like, it's super easy, just like, stop working there, do something else. Like, it's not what I'm saying. I'm saying striving for more is a journey. You know, it might not happen overnight, might take years, but that's a sign, you know, same thing with a romantic relationship. You might love your partner, you might actually have kind of a beautiful relationship with your partner, but if it's not quite right and it's not quite fulfilling, and you've tried everything to try to make it fulfilling for you, but you know that it's not quite right, might be a sign to strive for more. Now, on the other hand, when should we settle? Well, again, in my opinion, I think, number one, when there's potential for greatness in our existing situation, I think we often overlook the potential for greatness in our existing situations because it's much more romantic to look at the potential for grandiose elements, outcomes. I think we can often forget that what is right in front of us could be the greatest option. If you are confident that your current situation has the potential for greatness, there's nothing wrong with settling in it and trying to find that greatness within it. And worst case scenario, if you're wrong, then you can pivot and strive later. You know, I don't think there's anything wrong with settling in something to see if there is greatness within it that's not giving up, you know, that in a way is still striving. I think we should also consider the choice of settling when our current situation actually does provide us fulfillment. When we really reflect on our current lives, it is fulfilling. I think at times we can, our brains can become clouded by challenges because challenges are inevitable. And even if you have your dream job or you're with your dream job partner, or you have the dream friend group, or you have a, like, nothing's ever going to be perfect, as I said a thousand times this episode. And so sometimes we can become overly critical of our, of our lives and our situations. We're just experiencing normal, healthy challenges and growth opportunities. But if we have the wrong perspective, that can cause us to forget how beautiful our life really is. And I think if upon reflection, you look at your life and you're like, actually, I really do have a beautiful, fulfilling life. Maybe that's a chance to try and settle and grow within what you have. I think too, it might be a sign to settle. If striving is getting in the way of us being present in our lives and it's ruining our quality of life. If we're working towards some sort of impossible goal or even some sort of realistic goal, if striving is getting in the way of us enjoying our lives and having a good quality of life, I think that might also be a sign to sort of slow down a little bit. And that might even be like, if you're single, right, and you're striving to find a partner, but it's such a grueling, exhausting task that it's actually pulling you away from the beauty that exists in your life, perhaps it's making it impossible for you to live in the moment. That might be a sign to settle in your singlehood for a little bit. Just settle in that, you know, I think it's also a sign to settle when you think about what it would feel like if you gave up your current situation, and you predict that you would feel deeply regretful, like you've thrown away something that had a lot of potential for greatness. If you think you'd regret throwing it away, that is a sign that perhaps you need to settle in it for a little bit longer. Or it might be a sign to settle. If striving is appealing because deep down you know that it's just an excuse to avoid growth in your current situation, which you know takes a lot of honesty with oneself, right? But if you know deep down that you're using striving as a way to run away from growth, that could be a sign that settling is the right option, but also intuition. I already mentioned this with striving, but you might have a strong intuition to settle. And if you're somebody who has, again, a good relationship with your intuition, you trust your intuition and that works for you. Doesn't work for everyone, but if it works for you, that could be another sign. And last but not least, if you're somebody who has a tendency to strive too hard to the point of it negatively impacting your life, perhaps being faced with that dilemma is an opportunity to try settling for a little bit and seeing what happens. I don't know. Listen, I don't have all the answers, but I will say there's something very interesting about gathering your thoughts on something and speaking them out loud. It can help solidify the way you feel about things, because a lot of times we just have our ideas about things swirling around in our heads and it can be very helpful to just speak it out loud. And I really feel like I got that today. This was very helpful for me as this is something I've been faced with as of late in various different ways across my life. And I appreciate you sitting with me as I talk through it. As always, it's a pleasure, and I deeply appreciate you all hanging out with me, and I hope that you got something out of this episode. You might not even agree with me, you know, but I think it can actually be impactful to hear something I say and disagree that further solidifies where you stand on something. I think that's a beautiful thing. If you enjoyed this episode. There's new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday, so you can come and tune in and hang out with me every Thursday and Sunday if you want. And I'm just yapping about, you know, and it's fun and we have fun and Anything Goes is available anywhere you stream podcasts, although if you want to watch video, video is on YouTube and Spotify. Anything Goes is on social media at Anything Goes. I'm on the Internet at Emma Chamberlain, and my coffee company is on the Internet. And in the real world, Chamberlain Coffee. That's all I got for today. I love you all. I appreciate you all, and I'll talk to you very soon. And I really just inspire you to absolutely strive or absolutely settle in your life, whatever is the healthiest option for you at a given moment with a given situation. I really hope that you. I just manifest that the answer comes clearly to you, and it's just so easy and so seamless, and it's so intuitive, and it's just so beautiful. I manifest that for you. And you know what? Fuck it. I manifest it for me, too. Okay? I love you all, and I'll talk to you in a few days. Bye.