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Emma Chamberlain
Hello, and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes, where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topic is what to do when you're stuck in a rut. To be honest, I feel like I've been in and out of a rut consistently for the last 10 years of my life. And I'm starting to wonder if that's just what adulthood is. Constantly teetering between being in a rut and having shit together, which sounds a little bit pessimistic, but I don't mean it that way. I think as you get older, shit gets real. And when you're a kid, you don't even have a frontal lobe. It's like you don't even know what's going on. So life just seems less challenging for the most part. And then you become an adult. Your frontal lobe develops so you can comprehend how complex life is. And then on top of that, of course, you have all these responsibilities and. And it just. It gets harder and harder to keep it together. Although I'm hoping that the frequency of being stuck in a rut goes a little bit. Something like this. Okay. When you're a kid, like a kid, like 5 to 10 years old, you don't really get stuck in a rut very often because, again, you don't have a frontal lobe and you also don't have responsibilities. And there are definitely tough moments as a kid. There's some horrible moments as a kid, but you don't really get stuck in a rut when you're a kid. So the rut frequency is low. And then you get into your teenage years and into your young adult years, and, whoa, it feels like you're stuck in a rut all the time, which I think sort of makes sense because, my God, there's a lot of changes happening. You're having a lot of thoughts and feelings for the first time because your frontal lobe is developing. It's a really tough time. It's a really confusing time. Responsibilities are coming in at an alarming rate. It's all happening. It's all very overwhelming. It's your first time doing a lot of hard stuff, so you get stuck in a rut really easily. Life gets you down pretty easily. And then I'm hoping, because I can't say for sure because I'm 23, but I'm hoping that after that, things get easier and easier and easier until you die. That's what I'm Hoping for. I'm hoping that the frequency of getting stuck in a rut lightens up a bit over the next 30 to 40 years for me. Crossing my fingers, I briefly paused this episode of Anything Goes to let you know that this episode of Anything Goes is presented by Amazon. Getting sick is horrible enough. The getting better part shouldn't be horrible too. Waiting on hold for an appointment, sitting in crowded waiting rooms, standing in line at the pharmacy. That's almost as bad as the sickness itself. Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy remove these painful parts of getting better with things like 24. 7 virtual visits and prescriptions delivered to your door. Thanks to Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy for sponsoring today's episode. Now, let's get back to the episode. To be honest, this topic today, what to do when you're stuck in a rut, is so relevant because I have been stuck in a little rut for the last few weeks. And I know I say that a lot. I don't just say it to be on theme. Okay, listen, I would absolutely love to sit here and be like, I'm coming at you from a really strong place, and I'm gonna give you advice on how to get yourself out of a rut, because look at me. I'm not in one. No, wrong. I'm totally in one. I don't know, there's something about the holidays. I spent a lot of December sort of relaxing, and I kind of had some goals of, like, you know, this is gonna be my winter arc. Fuck it. Like, let me try to do the whole winter arc thing. And, like, I'm gonna, you know, set all these goals for myself. I'm gonna read a book, and I'm gonna wake up early, and I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that. And listen, the winter's not over, okay? I could still execute on those things, but I found myself exhausted during the holidays. So then I ended up failing at that, which is ironic because I made a whole episode about, well, I think, you know, making lifestyle goals for yourself. Like, that can be really positive, and as long as you don't put pressure on yourself and all this. And then I proceeded to put pressure on myself and then sort of fail, which, again, it's not too late. It's still the winter. But it kind of made me feel bad about myself, and I've just been, you know, overthinking, you know, my life and career and everything a lot. I don't know. I've just. I've been in my head a lot, getting in My own way a lot. Being really hard on myself. My self esteem is down. It's just a mess, okay? So I'm in a little rut. And yesterday was the worst day yet. I had a fucking meltdown because I woke up and I was like, today's gonna be different. Today is gonna be better. Today is gonna be the day that we get back to it, okay? Today's gonna be the day that we stop, you know, procrastinating and getting in our own way. And guess what? I did. I really got in my own way yesterday to a point that I put so much pressure on myself to over perform yesterday that I ended up freezing and getting nothing done. And then the guilt of that made me completely spiral. Anyway, you guys, let's not talk about that anymore. Let's get into your problems, okay? Enough about mine. Let's talk about your problems. Now, let's begin. Okay? Somebody said, I've been stuck in the house way too much and I've gotten used to the isolation. I want to get out more, but I don't even know where to start. How do you find things to do? Okay, I could be totally off base here, but this statement sort of reminds me of when someone goes into their closet and they have a closet full of clothes and they're like, I have nothing to wear. The problem is not that you have nothing to wear, it's that you hate all your clothes, right? And in that situation, you either need to go into your closet with fresh eyes, sort of tweak your perspective, and instead of looking at all your clothes, like old memories and old Instagram photos that you've posted in the past, and, you know, outfits that you've worn on a night out and, and outfits that you've worn 20 times to work or school, go into your closet and look at everything for what it is. You know, pieces of clothing are all building blocks. We can sometimes start to perceive our clothing negatively for various sort of irrational reasons because we've worn something too much, because, you know, it's a shirt that a lot of other people have. It's like a very popular piece. It's maybe considered basic or whatever. And so it's not really that you have nothing to wear, it's that you have sort of a narrow minded perspective about your closet. And so I think in your case, when it comes to, you know, getting out more and finding things to do outside of your home that are exciting, I know for a fact that there are a lot of options for you. Okay, off the top of my head, I could think of 10 incredible things that you could do outside of your house that I can almost guarantee you will find some sort of joy from. You could go for a walk. Even better, you could go for a walk with someone. I've been loving walking recently, like, on the street. I just love going for a walk. You could go to your favorite bakery or go to your favorite cafe. You could go to the library. If you're somebody who likes books. Libraries are underrated, okay? They still exist. I don't go to the library, but I actually have some people in my life who do go to the library, and they absolutely love it. Okay? I don't go to the library because there are a lot of things I'd rather do. But if you like reading, you can go to a library. Maybe you have a local museum. Go just trot around there, okay? Maybe you whip out a cookbook, pick out a recipe, go to the grocery store and pick out groceries. Like, do you see what I'm saying? There are so many different options. There's more to do outside of your house than there is to do inside of your house, right? So when you say, you know, I want to get out more, but I don't even know where to start, how do you find things to do? The first thing that comes to my mind is, that's not the problem. The problem is not that you don't know where to start and you don't know how to find things to do. I think you do. I think what you're dealing with is sort of a mental block in a way. A mental block towards doing stuff out outside. This episode is brought to you by ebay. This is what you do when you've just found that statement handbag on ebay and you want to build an entire wardrobe around it, you start selling to keep buying. Yep. On ebay. Over that all black everything phase. List it and buy. All the color. Feeling more vintage than ever. It's out with the new and in with the pre loved. Next thing you know, you've refreshed your wardrobe basically without spending a dime. Yeah, ebay. The place to buy and sell new pre loved vintage and rare fashion. This episode is brought to you by Companion, now playing only in theaters. Get ready for a twisted psychological thriller from the creators of Barbarian and the studio that brought us the Notebook. It's called Companion. And let me tell you, it's a very different kind of love story. Okay? It's about this seemingly perfect couple who, after a nightmare of a weekend getaway, experience a different side of Their modern romance. Get ready to taste the sweet satisfaction of revenge Companion. Now playing only in theaters. Rated R under 17. Not admitted without parenting. Let's look up the definition of mental block, because I don't really. A mental block, according to Google, is an uncomfortable suppression or repression of painful or unwanted thoughts and memories. It can also be an inability to continue or complete a train of thought, as in the case of writer's block. In the case of writer's block, many find it helpful to take a break and revisit their topic. I have experienced a few mental blocks in my life. 1. When I was a cheerleader and I would get hurt doing some sort of cheerleading move of some sort. Cause a lot of cheerleading moves are dangerous. Cause I did competitive cheer, I was flipping, I was being thrown around. I got hurt all the time. And sometimes the injuries would be so scarring or I'd get so close to injury, maybe I wouldn't injure myself, but I'd get so close to injury, it would really scare me. And I'd get sort of a mental block. And what the mental block would look like would be, let's say, okay, let's say I was doing a round off backhand spring, back tuck, okay? And one of the times that I'm doing the round off backhand spring tuck, I land weird. And I don't hurt my ankle, I don't hurt my knee, but I almost do. And I can feel that I do. The next time when I go to do a round off back handspring tuck, when I'm about to do the backflip, the scariest part, I stop. Like, my body stops, even though I've done the back tuck a bazillion times. But I almost got hurt. And then the next five times that I try to do a round off back handspring, back tuck, I stop at the back handspring. Then I start to get into a routine of just not ever doing the back tuck. And then as time goes on, the back tuck gets more and more and more scary to a point where now it's this daunting, daunting thing that at one point in my life used to be a completely normal thing that I used to do. And that's the problem with the mental block. When you get a mental block with something, it then gives the action that has now become frightening to you, all this power. Because by you avoiding it time and time and time again, you give it this power and you let it convince you that you can't do it, but you can't You've done it before. You know what I'm saying? So that's one example in my life of having a mental block. But I've also had mental blocks with this podcast. In fact, I was experiencing a really severe mental block with this podcast yesterday, which was one of the reasons why I was freaking out and having a meltdown. So cute. I've talked about this before, but I get a sort of mental block with recording my podcast sometimes when I'm like, oh, I really need to, you know, get an episode done today. And I put a lot of pressure on myself, and then I'll turn on my. My microphone and I have all this pressure on myself to do it, and then I'll record the intro, and then I'll freeze and my mind will go blank, and I won't know what to say. And I'll be like, oh, that wasn't good. That wasn't good. And I'll stop my camera and I'll stop my recorder, and I'll be like, all right, let me start again. That was a weird start. And I'll do that sometimes for hours. And for whatever reason, I have a mental block and I can't get through it. And I have a mental block for many reasons when it to the podcast, right? I have a mental block sometimes because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. I sort of in the past have walked on eggshells a lot and been afraid of people taking my words out of context and canceling me and ruining my career, blah, blah, which I'm less afraid of now, but I spent many years being very afraid of that's caused me a mental block. But also, you know, I have definitely perfectionist tendencies. So, you know, being obsessed about whether or not every single word that comes out of my mouth is said clearly, you know, being obsessive about what my voice sounds like. Is my throat clear? Do I need to clear my throat? Do I need to cough? You know, did I say that word weird? You know, overthinking. Overthinking to a point where then I get a mental block. And then again, what happened to me yesterday was every time that I tried and failed, the idea became further away, more unreachable, more challenging. The concept of just recording a podcast normally, which is something I've done a billion times, hundreds of times. Not. Not a billion, not a billion yet. Starting to feel like I'm getting up there. But even though I've done it a million times, it started to feel like this impossible task, and I started to lose hope. That it was even possible for me to do it. And again, I think that that's the same thing that you're dealing with here. Okay, going back to the question, finally, you're stuck in the house. You've gotten used to it, okay? Because day in and day out, you've made the decision, I'm just gonna stay home. Now the idea of going out is more daunting than ever. And so you don't even know where to start because you have lost hope in doing activities outdoors. You've lost hope in what sort of joy or fulfillment that might bring you because you're so focused on the comfort of being indoors. And so if I were you, what I would do is, number one, try to shift your perspective, because I think we can actively do that. You know, it can be incredibly helpful to just sit down sometimes and try to look at things in a new way, right? Try to erase your perspective and create a new one. So that would be my first piece of advice. Perhaps step one and then step two would be to make a list of all of the things that you could possibly do that fall under the category of getting out more, going to the grocery store, hanging out with your grandma, going and volunteering somewhere. Like, there's, of course, a billion options, right? Write down as many as you can think of and then highlight, let's say, your 8 to 10 favorites that seem the most exciting and the most inspiring to you, that are the least daunting, and then make it a goal. In the next two weeks, I want to do two of these activities, or in the next month, I want to do eight of these activities or whatever, make some sort of goal for yourself that. That feels good and go from there. But I really, again, like, that's a plan, an actionable plan. And I think it is important to have an actionable plan. But I think majority of the issue here is actually having sort of a mental block. And I think, you know, making a plan aside, in. As impactful as that is, aside, what's really going to help you is to just prove to yourself that you can, because I have a suspicion that you sort of feel like you can't, you know, and so just doing one thing out of the house once this week that's sort of out of your comfort zone is the hardest step, but is honestly solving probably 75% of the problem. It's just proving to yourself that you can do it and that you can find some sort of joy and fulfillment in it and that it's not uncomfortable and it's Not a nightmare, or it might be a little bit uncomfortable, but it's not as uncomfortable as you think it's going to be. Okay, next, somebody said how to get out of a rut. And then another person said, I'm so stuck in a rut right now. Not sleeping well, eating well, and just overstressed. How do I get out of it? Okay, well, I think the most challenging thing about being stuck in a Ruth is that it sort of becomes this self fulfilling prophecy, right? A rut starts as just like a rough day and then it turns into a rough week where you're struggling emotionally, mentally, you're getting into a routine that doesn't make you feel good mentally and physically. Because we all have routines that make us feel good, okay? And I think being in a rut is being in a routine that consists of opposite activities, right? Eating bad, not following, you know, your ideal sleep schedule, not exercising, maybe not being as productive at work or school, not planning very well, being disorganized, whatever. Now, the hardest part about it is that a bad day is a bad day. Being in a rut is a lot of bad days in a row, okay? It's really hard when you're stuck in a rut to perk up one day and say, you know what, today's gonna be different, or to say to yourself one night, hey, you know what? I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and tomorrow's gonna be different. It's really hard to do that because you have the last week, two weeks, two months of evidence proving that. It's really hard to wake up the next day and make it different. You have two weeks, two months, sometimes even two years of evidence that you're stuck in a rut. And getting out of it is gonna be nearly impossible. Because if it was easy to get out of a rut, you would have done it two weeks ago, two months ago, two years ago. It's really easy to convince yourself that tomorrow's not gonna be different, so why even try? I can't turn today around, so why even try? I haven't been able to do it before, why would I be able to do it now? So the hardest part in the most important step is to have a moment of potentially even delusional hope that tomorrow will be different. That is the first step. And a lot of times the only thing you can do is either lie to yourself and convince yourself almost falsely that you feel that way, or wait until that feeling comes eventually, because it will. But that is the first step and it is the absolute hardest I become so pessimistic and stubborn when I'm in a rut, and I'm like, fuck this. Like, I don't even care. Why would I even try to make tomorrow better? Like, I'm exhausted. I've been in a rut for so long. You know, tomorrow's not going to be different. I hate my life. I hate everything. I hate everybody. I'm not even going to try. Fuck all this. It's so hard. It's so hard to not just fall victim to that and then stay in the rut for three weeks, three months, longer than you necessarily have to. But after finding hope somewhere some way, I do think it's really helpful to make a plan. And I think depending on how long you've been in a rut, you know, you might have to really make a plan. Like, not just like, okay, this is what I'm gonna do tomorrow. I think when you're in a rut, it's a good time to reset everything in your life, including the bigger picture. So, you know, sit down with a loved one, or sit down with a pad and paper, or sit down outside staring at a tree and analyze your current situation. You know, analyze what potentially got you into this rut in the first place, what areas of your life are clearly bringing you down, and how can you make shifts in your life to make your life better, you know, to potentially prevent getting into a rut again? What kind of shifts in your life need to be made? What's not working? I feel like we get stuck in a rut in our lives, usually because something is not working right. We're too stressed out about work or about school or about our relationships in life. Something is really stressing us out. You know, we have too much on our plate. We're not trusting our instincts. We're maybe living for people that aren't ourselves. Like, there are all these different things that can happen that put us into a vulnerable place where we might fall into a rut. And so I think it's important to try to identify those things and then try to make a plan. Like, how can I change the stuff that's not working now? A lot of times you can't change stuff overnight. Sometimes you can. That's great, but a lot of times you can't. So create a plan on how you can make these changes so that you can get to a better place in your life so that you don't fall into a rut as often. And, you know, that might be like, okay, well, you know what I really Just need to quit my job or I really need to change my major in college, or I really need to break up with this person that I'm dating, or I really need to stop being friends with this friend group or, you know, figure out what action needs to take place and then figure out the steps that can help you get there. If you really need to break up with your significant other, establish a really solid support system beforehand. Reach out to friends, reached out to your loved ones and say, you know, I'm gonna need you a little bit more. I'm gonna go through a big life change here. Have that tough conversation after that. Make a plan for how you can focus on yourself, like, you know what I'm saying? And once you sort of have the bigger picture figured out, that's when I think it's important to make an actionable plan. And my advice is always start in the morning. Like, it's really hard halfway through the day to be like, today's been really bad and really unproductive and really disappointing. I'm gonna turn it around right now at 5pm Listen, don't get me wrong, you can absolutely do that and I've done it before and it feels, feels good. But my preferred method is to always start in the morning, the night before, make a plan. Okay, tomorrow I'm going to wake up at this time. I'm going to exercise. I'm going to. This is what I'm going to eat. This is. I'm going to go get a coffee from my favorite cafe. I'm going to focus on working for this many hours. I'm going to get this much done. I'm going to do like, you know, making an actionable plan that's written out, that has a low to moderate failure rate. Making a to do list that's satisfying enough to actually allow my brain to release happy chemicals that make me want to have another good day the next day. But not so satisfying that it's actually impossible to complete, right? Listen, we all wish that we could do everything every day, all the time, but we can't, unfortunately. And if you put that sort of expectation on yourself immediately after coming out of a rut, good luck, okay? You're gonna end up disappointed in falling into a deeper rut. So you wanna be sort of thoughtful about the actionable plan that you make and make sure that it's something that is feasible to do but is also gonna be satisfying, right? There should be a little bit of challenge in there. There should be, I think, a good combination of challenge, right? Like I wanna get worked on for this many hours, but also something enjoyable on there, like, I'm gonna go to my favorite bakery in the morning before work or school or whatever, and I'm gonna get my favorite pastry and my favorite drink. And after work or school, I'm gonna go to a hot yoga class. Like sandwiching. Work with pleasure, I think is really important when you're coming out of a rut, especially. This episode is brought to you by Hill's pet nutrition. Since 2002, Hill's Food, Shelter and Love program has been helping pets find new homes, providing more than $300 million in food to more than 1,000 shelters in the U.S. and Canada. Every time you feed your pet Hills, you help feed a shelter pet, which helps make them healthy, happy, and more adoptable, changing their life forever so they can Change yours. Over 15 million shelter pets fed and adopted. Visit hillspet.com podcast to learn more. This episode is brought to you by Paramount Plus. The new season of the Paramount original series School Spirits is here, but the mystery has only just begun. Maddie is still trapped in the afterlife, and time is running out. Now she must work together with her friends in the spirit and living worlds to find a way back before it's too late. Stream the new season of School spirits now on Paramount+ head to paramountplus.com to get started. Okay, someone said, how do I start enjoying life again after a depressive episode? I've been so down. What do I do? This is sort of a similar piece of advice to the last piece of advice that I gave. But I think the first and hardest step is to not be stubborn, is to not be pessimistic, is to not convince yourself that tomorrow will not be different. When I'm coming out of a depressive episode, well, when I'm in a depressive episode, I'm always very stubborn, very stubborn, very pessimistic. I'm like, tomorrow will never be different. That's why I'm in this depressive episode, because I hate my life, right? Like, I hate everything. Nothing's ever gonna change. That's one of the darkest things about being in a depressive episode, is you really do believe that this is it, that, like, everything fucking sucks, and that's just how it is, and that's how it's always gonna be. And that's why you're in a depre. You know, like, that's. That's what the feeling is of depression, right? I mean, there's a lot to it, and it can range in its darkness, but that's a huge part of it. That's the whole sentiment, is that there's no hope. Life fucking sucks. That's the whole point. And it's very hard. And people underestimate, I think, how hard it is to shift that perspective. Because being in a depressive episode, that is a very strong, intense experience. It's experiencing that feeling of hopelessness to the highest degree. And even when you're stuck in a rut, which isn't quite a depressive episode, it can be, but it isn't always, even then, being stuck in a rut, a lesser version of a depressive episode, it's hard to stop being stubborn and to say, tomorrow's gonna be different. When you're in a depressive episode, it's 50 times harder. But the same thing is necessary is to find a moment of delusion, even if you have to, where you're like, tomorrow's gonna be different. Find a moment of hope where you're like, tomorrow is gonna be different. It has to be. It absolutely has to be. And I think not only is it hard to convince yourself of that because, you know, the last two weeks, two months, two years, prove yourself otherwise. Prove to yourself that, you know, you're an unhappy person and that life sucks and it has been sucking for X amount of time, but it's also really challenging because I think those of us who have depressive episodes, this might not be something that all people who experience depressive episodes experience, but it's something I definitely experience. I have a really hard time moving on from a depressive episode, getting over it, because I weirdly have ego in my depressive episodes. Like, the only way that I can find strength in a depressive episode is through pitying myself, being a victim of it, which is, you know, one of the toxic elements of a depressive episode. And that sort of is what feeds my ego in my, like, it's what gives me energy and self esteem at all, is being a victim of it. It's this very weird thing that happens in my brain, right, that I can't even explain. It's a part of the depressive episode. And so there's this really challenging hump that I have to get over when I'm trying to pull myself out of a depressive episode where I'm like, this is my identity. This is where my confidence, not confidence, but this is where my ego and self esteem is coming from right now. The fact that I'm a victim of this thing and I become afraid of letting that go. I'm like, if I let this go. If I'm not depressed anymore, was it ever even real? I'm not a victim of anything anymore, so who am I? Are people gonna believe that the episode was real if I'm able to come out of it at a certain point? You know, for so long, I relied on being the victim of this thing for my attention from my loved ones. Are they gonna think I was faking it? Are they not gonna give me attention anymore? There's all these weird things that happen like that. And. Yeah, like, your brain goes to these weird, weird places when you're coming out of a depressive episode that are very toxic, but I think also very normal. And so it can be very easy to get stubborn and be like, well, I can't let go of this. I can't come out of this, even though it's absolutely miserable. Because you start to weirdly rely on the fact that you are in a depressive episode, you almost become codependent with it. Like. Like, at least that's my experience. And so the hardest thing is to let go of that stubbornness and say, I know I'm just being stubborn and that my stubbornness is lying to me. Like, nobody thinks that if my depressive episode ends, that my depressive episode never happened. You know, that's not gonna happen. I'm more than just like, a victim of my depressive episode. And also, being a victim of is not. I don't want to be a victim. You know, that's not. That's not what I want to be. You know what I mean? That's bad. And so on and so forth. It's sort of like a shifting of the mindset. So, you know, the first and hardest step is getting over the stubbornness. But from there, it's not easy either. Right? But what I've noticed coming out of a depressive episode is it's very important to really focus on what makes you feel good and fulfilled, what really makes you feel rewarded. Now, there are parts of our lives that are not rewarding. Okay? A lot of times work or school is not rewarding. Although for some of us, it is. And, you know, weirdly enough for me, like, getting work done, being productive really helps me when I'm coming out of a. Of a depressive episode, like, really diving into my work and being like, let me get some shit done that makes me feel really good. It's not gonna make everyone feel good, but it works for me. That's something that's very fulfilling for me. It can also be the reason that I Get into a depressive episode because I burn myself out. But a lot of times it can actually feel really good. But there are other things that make me feel really good. I know that when I'm in a really solid exercise routine and I'm releasing my endorphins every day, that's really good for Emma. Okay. That's really good for Emma. So I know that, like, I need to book this many workout classes for the week and show up every single time, because that makes me feel good. It makes me feel accomplished in, like, from a chemical standpoint, it helps me. Right. I know that. So, you know. And I know that, like, a lot of times, honestly, hanging out with certain people, being really social, being super available on text, call, whatever, that's not always super helpful for me. So I know. Okay. I'm not. I'm not even gonna worry about that right now. I know that having a clean house, that's really important for me. So I'm gonna make sure to be cleaning my house every day. Like, the things that, you know, make you feel good, fit them in by whatever means necessary. Okay? And at first, it might be hard, and they're not gonna feel as rewarding as they may be used to. They're not gonna feel as rewarding as you'd hope they would. Keep your expectations as low as possible, which is incredibly challenging, but keep them as low as possible, because that really helps with not losing hope and not losing steam, and just keep going and get into a routine where you have many things that are on your schedule per day that, you know, make you feel good or at least, you know, at some point will make you feel good again. And be patient, and slowly but surely, you'll get back to it, and then you can start introducing things, you know, other things again, and you'll get back into a normal swing. But I really think that the hardest thing is getting started and convincing yourself that you can enjoy things again. Because, again, we get so stubborn, and we're like, I'm not going to ever enjoy my life again. The hardest thing is convincing yourself I will be able to enjoy things again. Because our mind is so powerful and we can't always control it, right? But if you can sort of counteract the negative thoughts that you're having that are like, I'm never going to. I'm never gonna enjoy life again. I'm never, you know, I'm never gonna feel good again. If you can replace that, it's the hardest thing to do. It is so fucking hard. And I still work on It. And I still don't have it figured out. But if you can convince yourself for one second. No, that's not true. I know that's not true. And I will be able to enjoy life again. In fact, I'm actually gonna go do something right now that has a lot of potential to make me feel good. Slowly but surely, you'll get out of it. Actually, one final point I want to make. It's so important to allow yourself to enjoy your life again. You know, we. I think when we're coming out of a depressive episode out of that stubbornness, we'll literally prevent ourselves from having fun. Prevent ourselves from enjoying ourselves out of that stubbornness. So think of it like that. Like, I'm going to allow myself to enjoy this workout class. I'm gonna allow myself to enjoy this walk. If you reframe it and look at it like that, that can also be really helpful sometimes as well. Okay? Somebody said, I don't know if I have depression or even fully what depression is, but I feel so empty inside in all that jazz. I don't know what to do. And then somebody else said, I'm in bed all day long and I feel like I can't get out of my bed. Am I depressed? How do I get over it? Well, number one, you should never ask a podcaster whether or not you're depressed, because let me tell you, I did not go to college, for fuck's sake. I didn't finish high school. So we. We definitely know that. I do not have my doctorate or whatever. Whatever degree you get when you're a doctor, I'm assuming it's the doctorate. It might not even be the doctorate. I don't know that because that's how much I didn't go to school. I know a lot of stuff. I don't know that, so don't ask me, okay? Go ask a professional if you want, you know, absolute confirmation. Okay? That is not my job. That is the job of a professional for diagnosis. In fact, that invites me to rant about online diagnosing oneself and how absolutely toxic it is. Please don't ever diagnose yourself on the Internet. The biology of the body is so much more complicated than a Google search, so do not do that. However, I have experienced depression, but I've also experienced just, like, a rough patch of my life. And so I can speak to my experience. In my experience, it's very hard to tell sometimes whether you're experiencing just a spurt of depression or just a spurt of emptiness and sadness. And purposelessness or, you know, a period of really challenging life circumstances that put you into an uncomfortable position, that puts you into some sort of rut or really challenging life circumstances that put you into a depressive episode. Like, there are so many different versions of a rough patch, right? Sometimes it's depressive, which is more extreme, a bit more serious. But there are also times when it's really uncomfortable and it really sucks. But it's not quite depression. It's something a little bit less serious. And I think when it comes to just a spurt of emptiness and sadness and purposelessness, but not fully like depression, that's usually a sign that you're not doing enough in your life for your soul. You know, there's a good chance that you're stuck in a routine that you've been stuck in for a long time and you're feeling empty and sad and not fully depressed, but just sort of not stoked about life, probably because you're stuck in a hamster wheel, you know. And I think the simplest fix I have for that is break your routine. I think we underestimate how if the routine doesn't have anything for your soul in it, and that could be like small things. It could be like stretching for 10 minutes in the morning and wearing an outfit that you think is cute and spending time, like going on a walk every night with your significant other. Okay? It can be little things like that. It doesn't need to be like, I am cooking a four course meal every night because I have a passion for cooking and that's what my soul loves to do. Like, that I'm not talking. It doesn't need to be something that takes up your entire day and, like, gets in the way of, you know, you being a functioning person. Like, I'm saying that there's a good chance that you're missing key elements for you. You need to be squeezing in little things for you that make you feel alive and good, you know? And so I think if you're experiencing a little spurt of emptiness, break up your routine a little bit and try to squeeze in things that are good for your soul. So that's how to handle sort of a spurt of emptiness in sadness that has no particular obvious cause, but doesn't quite feel as extreme as depression. Okay? And then you have a slightly more extreme version, right, where you're feeling emptiness and you're feeling darkness and you're feeling depression. Right? It's a bit more extreme, it's a bit more excruciating, but similar to the last scenario, the cause is unknown. Now, my solution is very similar. However, I think the only difference is if it is feeling extreme to the point of depression, it is important to, of course, involve professionals. Because the thing about depression is that sometimes there is no cause, right? A little spurt of emptiness and sadness that it can occur for no reason. But in my experience, less often, usually there's some sort of reason, whereas depression can sometimes just present itself. So you can search all day for the root cause and you might not be able to find it because it either might not exist, it could be a chemical issue in your brain or whatever, or there actually is a reason, but the depressive mind is. Is not always fit to figure out what the problem is, right? And because it's such a fragile state of mind to be in, that's why I say, you know, doing it alone is. Is not good. However, in my experience, you know, I've been in depressive episodes. Majority of my depressive episodes in my life, I would say 90% of them have come upon me for an actual reason. Like I've gone into depressive episodes because of something. I've also had, you know, my fair share of depressive episodes that have just sort of spawned for no reason. But in my experience, majority of them have some sort of root cause. I became depressed for some sort of reason, and it's usually because there's something fundamentally deeply wrong with my life. Deeply wrong? More deeply wrong than me being in a routine and not having, like, soulful things to do? I usually feel depressed because I feel stuck. I feel stuck in my life, and I don't know what direction to move in. And there is no clear path anywhere. Every path that I could take is a path that I don't want to take. So I feel stuck, and then I get depressed. And a lot of it happens subconsciously. I don't even really notice why I get depressed. But then later it becomes clear to me, oh, my God. It's because there was no clear path for me to move forward. I didn't know what to do. So I just lost all hope in everything. So I think it's complex, right? But I think when it comes to depression, regardless of if you can put a finger on why you're feeling depressed, because obviously, again, as I said, sometimes you can and sometimes you can't. I think it's important to involve somebody else, you know, involve a professional, ideally, who can hold your hand in it, or if you're like me. A lot of times, you know, I'm not Involving a professional, necessarily, But I'm involving my parents if that feels like, you know, the safe, correct option, which it is, for the most part, they can handle it. And they help me through it. They help me through it, and they help me figure out, you know, what shifts I can make in my life that will get me out of it. And I've noticed for me, you know, what tends to. What tends to help me is to, number one, make goals. There's something about making goals in the midst of a really dark patch of my life that really, it gives me something to wake up for the next day. It gives me something like. It gives me that. Making a goal, that can be the thing that pulls you out, you know, making a goal, making a plan. You know, I'm sounding like a broken record, but these things are really helpful. And, you know, we can get really stubborn and not want to do them in the moment, but they really are the best methods to dealing with this shit. This episode is presented by Sephora. So you know, when you see something blowing up on your socials, like a new makeup trend or a beauty tutorial, that hot new look, of course you want to try it for yourself. And that's when you head to Sephora. They've got all the hottest names in beauty. You can't miss brands like Kayali and K18, the ones that everyone is talking about. The next big thing is only at Sephora shop now@sephora.com this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know, we talk about relationships a lot on this podcast and we tend to talk about the red flags. But what about the green flags? You know, things that we like to see in our partners and friends. You know, when I think about one of my closest friends in my life, some of their green flags would be the way that they challenge me and hold me accountable, the way that they inspire me because I admire their character. But despite the green flags, relationships are hard. But there are things that can help, like therapy. It can help you figure out what's toxic and what's not and how to actively make your relationships healthier. And sometimes we don't want to talk about our personal challenges with the people in our lives. Sometimes it's helpful to have somebody who is not involved and just has your best interest at heart. That's where therapy comes in. Getting into therapy doesn't have to be complicated. Just use better help. Everything is online, making it more affordable and convenient. And thanks to their network of over 30,000 therapists with all sorts of specialties you can find one that'll work for you. Discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com anything to get 10% off your first month. That's better. Help.com anything. Okay, next somebody says, I feel like I can't get out of my bed and all I do is doom scroll. These past few months I'm miserable. How do I get out of this? I completely understand this feeling. And for the last few months I have not had Instagram or TikTok or Twitter x whatever or anything like no social media on my phone. Okay. And the only thing I've had on my phone pretty consistently is YouTube and Pinterest. YouTube and Pinterest and Spotify. And are there anything else that sort of falls under social media? No, I. Well, Spotify is not social media, but it kind of, kind of has that vibe in a way. Anyway, I have talked about this quite a bit, but I have a two phone method now where my main phone that I carry around with me all day long has none of those toxic apps on it. And then I have a second phone that has all the toxic apps on it and nothing else. So that I don't get tempted to just bring that phone around because if it had all the other apps on it, I would just use it like a normal phone. But I've removed like the map app or like the calling app. Like you can remove all those things from your home screen. So now the phone is like kind of useless. Like it's. Well, it's not because I mean those things still exist on the phone but it's like annoying to get to them. So anyway, this is sort of my structure right now because I was having the same issue. I was doom scrolling. I was addicted to the social media of it all and it was completely destroying my brain. And I still have residual issues from being addicted to the Internet. Like I'm still recovering from the years and years of doom scrolling and all of this. Like this is a serious, serious, serious issue. And so to start, I wanna say don't blame yourself, okay? Obviously we are responsible for our actions and it's important to, you know, be aware of that and take responsibility. However, it's also important to be fair with yourself. And I think that we often underestimate how powerful this beast of the Internet is, this beast of social media. We often underestimate it, okay? So to start, I wanna say go easy on yourself. You know, this stuff is stronger than we are, okay? And being addicted to it nowadays is the norm. So I think it's important to give yourself a sort of boost of confidence and to tell yourself, you know what? This is very normal. And I'm not a lazy loser for doom scrolling for the last few months of my life. Like, this is a normal experience considering how addictive these platforms are. But once you comfort yourself and remind yourself that this doesn't define you as a person, you do need to change it. Yeah, you do. And I don't mean to sound extreme, I know it sounds extreme, but you need to do a social media detox. You absolutely have to. You need to delete all of the apps off your phone. Sorry. And there's no excuse. There is absolutely no excuse, okay? You can delete all the apps off of your phone. We always make excuses. There's always some sort. That's what you do when you're an addict, okay? I, for so many years was addicted to nicotine and I for whatever reason, have really intense withdrawals, like, really crazy withdrawals, like full, like, depressive episode meltdowns, like, as a result of withdrawal. And so I would never go, like, you know, longer than a week without it. And I would constantly make excuses about why I can't quit, right? I can't quit because I have a lot of work to do this week and, like, nicotine really helps me focus and blah, blah, blah. I can't quit this week because I'm having a really hard time. I'm going through a tough time and I'm in a rut and I can't quit right now because it'll just put me further in a rut. There was always some sort of excuse for why I couldn't quit, right? There is no fucking excuse. You can delete every app off of your phone. I don't care if you're running a business and you use social media to promote your business. Have one of your other employees post on the Instagram, post on the TikTok for you for the next three weeks. Do you see what I'm saying? I'm trying to come up with any scenario where, you know, you could potentially possibly need to be on social media, okay? There isn't any. Delete all the apps. You don't have to do it forever, but you need at least two weeks and you need to see what happens, see what you do. What do you do with that time? You know, I can guarantee you'll spend that time that you used to spend doom scrolling doing incredible things, okay? You'll find yourself more creative. You'll find yourself with more time to do things. That have a net positive impact on your life. You'll find yourself with the time to do things that are maybe a bit more challenging in the sense that they're not as dopaminergic as you know, going on your phone. You go on your phone and your brain immediately is releasing so much dopamine so easily and there's so many happy chemicals exploding in your brain. And it's so easy, although it ends up being negative and not feeling good eventually. But you'll end up doing activities that also release dopamine and happy chemicals in your brain, but are a bit more challenging. Like an example for me would be I keep going back to this, but like going to a workout class, you know, going to a workout class is hard, the workout itself is hard, but it does end up releasing happy chemicals in my brain that then make me want to do it again. But I'm releasing the happy chemicals and the activity is actually a net positive in my life. Whereas you release a lot of these happy chemicals when you're on your phone, but it's not benefiting your life, it's net negative on your life. You'll find yourself feeling so much more peaceful. You'll finally be able to put it into perspective and realize how stupid and pointless all the stuff that you were looking at was. Taking two weeks off of social media, completely deleting it off the phone, will completely reprogram your brain in a way that you will become addicted to in a new way. You'll become addicted to having a healthy brain because you'll realize what it feels like again. I think it's really crucial though that you actually delete the apps off your phone. So many people are like, oh, I just won't go on them. It doesn't work. You have to not have it in your pocket because you're in such a routine and such a habit. You need to not be able to access these things in order for the full, you know, social media detox if you will to happen. But I promise you, if you delete everything for two weeks, tell everyone that they can only contact you over text and call, you're not gonna be on dm, you know, you're not going to be like, don't send over any memes or like funny things to look at cuz you're not going to be looking like, tell everyone two weeks, none of it. And then reevaluate after the two weeks and I can almost guarantee you're going to be feeling so good that you're going to want to Change your approach to social media usage moving forward. And that might mean, you know what? I'm going to redownload this app. Like, I'm going to redownload YouTube and I'm going to redownload Pinterest, and I'm going to redownload maybe, I don't know, maybe Instagram, maybe, maybe you can handle it, but maybe you're not going to redownload TikTok. Maybe that's, you know, a step too far, Whatever. Or maybe you're like, I don't want to redownload any of it. I feel so good. I don't ever want to reintegrate this into my life again. That's for you to decide. But I can almost guarantee that your approach to social media will be different moving forward. Because once you step away from it, you realize how bad it makes you feel, even though you already know. Last but not least, somebody said winter always makes me super sad and anxious. How do I get through it? I think the hardest part about the winter, and I live in California, so I can't even talk. Okay. It doesn't snow here, you know, recently it's been pretty cold, but pretty cold means like between like 40 and 50 degrees. That's not that cold, honestly. Maybe even like 45 to 55. I can't even speak to the east coast winter. Okay. Although I have spent weeks at a time on the east coast in the winter, so I'm aware enough of what that experience is like and I am aware of the challenges and I think the most important thing, honestly, and this is so annoying, but it's really important to get outside. And it's so hard. It's so hard. Especially if you live somewhere where it's really cold and it's snowing and it's. It's very challenging. But it's so important to get outside. Daily walk. You could do like a little mile and a half walk every day. That works wonders. Okay. During the winter, literally yesterday. I had a horrible day yesterday. And to make it worse, I didn't go outside until 9pm I was inside all day because it was cold and I was like, I don't know. I have no motivation to go outside. I'm just going to sit in my bubble and try to be productive or whatever. And I didn't go outside until 9pm and you want to know one of the most joyful moments of my day? Going outside and taking a walk. It was crisp, it was cold. You know, I had to get bundled up a little bit, but not even that much. I'm in California again. I'm really, I can't even say bundled up. Like someone in New York would actually like punch me in the face and be like, shut the fuck up. You're bundled up. You're wearing a hoodie and sweatpants that are long and you're wearing socks up to your knees because that makes you feel warmer. Like you're, you're wearing a summer outfit for New York. But I really think going outside as much as you can is so important. I remember I've spent quite a few winters in the east coast for, you know, weeks at a time and getting bundled up, going on a walk, having a fire outside, having friends over, having, you know, I don't drink anymore. I'm. I'm apparently sober recently. But you know, having friends over for a drink. If you drink or you know what, fuck it, a sparkling water. If you're like me, go outside as much as you can. It really, really, really helps. Just fresh air is, I mean, also there's like the vitamin D of it all. Being in the sunlight is even better. But I just think being outside as often as you can, even though it's more ma. I think can really help you reconnect to reality and the world and the earth and make you feel less upset and sad and anxious about how cold and isolated life feels and rather be like, wow, it's so refreshing and beautiful out here. It can help you change your perspective on the weather itself. I also think it's kind of fun to romanticize the winter weather. I really tried to do that this year again, even though I'm in Los Angeles and it's not that cold. But I really tried to romanticize all of the sort of winter shortcomings. Okay. Of course the shortcomings are that it gets dark really early for one. That's probably the most challenging part for me is that the daylight just is gone. You know what I mean by 4pm it's like, what? Me pretending like it doesn't happen every year. I'm like, what? 4pm it's dark. It's like, yeah, it happens every year, babe, every single year. But that is really challenging. But then also, of course, the cold weather, but also not feeling physically as good. Right. There's something about the warm weather that does make you feel physically good. It feels good on the skin. Like your skin feels hydrated and the oils are flowing. And during the winter you're all dry. And then during the summer you're sun kissed, you're tan, whatever. And then in the winter, it's. You don't have that sort of summer glow. It's just like you don't feel as cute oftentimes. I always feel cuter in the summer. So there's a lot of, you know, shortcomings, winter shortcomings. But I think you can romanticize these things. Right? So it getting dark early. Okay. Romanticize the cozy vibes. Sounds cringe, but it's like I've been lighting a lot of candles. Okay. The sun goes down. I set really nice, beautiful, moody lighting in my house. I light some candles, and I'm romanticizing the fact that it's dark at 6pm by making it a vibe. Okay. When it comes to the cold weather, there are cold weather activities that are really enjoyable. Like, I actually do enjoy getting sort of bundled up and going on a crispy walk. Right. That feels really good. Having a fire outside and, you know, hanging out around a fire. That's fun during the summer, but it's really fun during the winter. Okay. If you like skiing or snowboarding or if you just like being in a ski town. Okay. Oh, my God. That just reminded me of my traumatic experience skiing. Oh, my God. Over New Year's, I went to a ski town and I skied for the first time. I had snowboarded once, and it was a catastrophe. And then I tried skiing. I am sort of convinced. I love to believe that you can learn anything at any time in your life. I don't know if you can learn to ski as an adult. I think you have to start as a kid because, whoa. I was absolutely horrible at it. And I cried, cried, cried. Maybe that's a story time for another time. Yeah. Anyways. But if you like skiing or snowboarding or you like hanging out in a cute little ski town, maybe plan a little weekend trip with friends. Like, try to romanticize it as much as possible. Now, you know, I talked about not feeling as cute. Right. Have fun styling winter outfits. Like, get into that. Spend a little extra time on your skincare routine because, you know, you need it a little bit more. You're a little bit drier. Like, lean into romanticizing the shortcomings in a way as much as you can. And I think that that really helps. And then last but not least, I think it can potentially be helpful to make a goal that you want to accomplish by the time winter ends. Okay. I think it's a healthy distraction to have some sort of goal that you're working towards. It gives you sort of purpose. I think it can be, I think wintertime is when you need a distraction the most. And there's no better distraction than an all consuming goal. Like, I really want to accomplish this thing. I think the only thing to be careful of is that in the wintertime, your spirits tend to be down to begin with. So your likelihood, you're more likely to become discouraged. Right? So if things don't work out, you're more likely to really have a hard time with that. And so I. I will say that try to make a goal that you think is feasible to either accomplish or get closer to accomplishing. Right. Like, I remember I made an episode about a month ago about like, the concept of the winter arc, and I was like, is this positive? Is this negative? You know, what are the shortcomings and strengths of this concept as a whole? Like taking the wintertime to, you know, reinvent yourself? I actually do think that it is a beneficial concept. However, I failed, and that kind of did bug me a little bit. So, like, it's not like I fully failed because there's certain lifestyle changes that I have made this winter that sort of could fall under the category of like a winter arc, although they didn't match up with my original rules or my original goals. But I've sort of tweaked my goals and actually ended up accomplishing some things, but they're not what I originally planned on. And so I do think this sort of idea of like, this winter, I want to reinvent myself and I want good things to happen. I think it actually did have a positive impact overall because even though I was kind of frustrated that I didn't accomplish exactly what I wanted to, other positive things ended up coming out of it. Like, I've been cooking recently from scratch, which is something I've been wanting to get back into for a long time. And, you know, I'm actually successfully getting back into that. In addition to that, I think I made a goal that I wanted to run, but I've actually discovered walking in a whole new way. Like, I've made a goal that I wanted. This sounds so obvious. Everybody makes the goal of 10,000 steps a day. It's like the standard or whatever. But I've never done that. I've never made it a goal to have 10,000 steps a day. And I'm so late to the train. Like literally five years late to the train. But I used to run, and instead of like walking 10,000 steps a day, I would run 5,000 steps a day at a faster pace. And that was what I was doing anyway. But I was like, hey, maybe I'll try the 10K steps a day. A lot of people really like it. So I ended up trying that. So, like, good things have come out of this. Sort of having planted the seed that I want to, you know, use this winter time to improve, I guess. But there was a negative element to it where, you know, I wanted to accomplish all these goals and I didn't. So I guess, you know, when I give you this piece of advice, like potentially make a goal that you want to accomplish by the time winter ends. I think my piece of advice to you would be make sure that either number one, you're okay with potentially not accomplishing what you want to, especially if you're being really ambitious. But also be open to like, changing your goal and evolving your goal. As you work closer to it, you might realize, eh, this is actually not what I like. I don't know that this is working out for me. Like I'm going to make a different goal. And being okay with that is really important. So I think being flexible with yourself, but I think having an overall goal that can evolve and change or, you know, not fully get accomplished by the end of the winter. But I think having something that you're working towards is really important, big or small, a long list of stuff or a short list of stuff, or just one singular thing that you want to accomplish, it doesn't matter. But I think just having that as something to think about, something to give you sort of purpose is really helpful. And that's it. That's all. That's my advice for getting out of a rut. I am getting out of a rut myself. You know, I'm really proud of myself because I woke up this morning and I was like, today is going to be different. Against all odds. Okay? Yesterday was such a bad day. I can't express. It wasn't even a bad day, by the way. Like, when I look at it with a reasonable, like, rational lens, I'm like, yesterday was not a bad day. Yeah, a few things didn't go my way and I was in a really bad state of mind. But like, no one got hurt. Everybody's healthy and happy. Like, it was not a bad fucking day. But I was really down in the dumps and I really had a bad attitude. Like my attitude hit its. It was at a low point. It was at a really low point. And you know, it's 9:30 in the morning right now and I'm talking to you and I don't have a mental block right now. And that's beautiful and I'm really happy. I'm really happy that my mental block didn't get between us today because I'm fucking sick of that mental block and I'm really working to get rid of it and to eradicate it, but it is tough. So anyway, thank you all for listening and hanging out. It was a pleasure as always. New episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. You can stream anywhere that you get podcasts and now on YouTube as well. Hi YouTube. I'm so happy to be here. I love YouTube. You can follow anything Goes on social media at Anything goes. You can follow me on social media machamberlain and you can check out my coffee company chamberlaincoffee.com or Amberlynn Coffee on social media. That's all I have to say. I love and appreciate you all. I love when we get to hang out. It's always a joy and a pleasure and I will talk to you very, very soon. Okay, bye.