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Welcome to story Time. Okay, I've compiled a collection of short stories recently that I'm overjoyed to share with you because I love telling stories, but I never get to tell stories because I live a very simple life. I follow the same routine almost every single day. And so I rarely have stories to tell because my life is somewhat predictable. Like people would assume that my life is much more dynamic than it actually is. I wake up, I do pretty much the same thing every single day, and then I go to sleep. And there are a few times a year when interesting things happen. Perhaps I go to an event or something. But for the most part, my life is very mundane and I rarely have stories to tell. But today, I have stories to tell. And listen. Are they going to be the most wild, jaw dropping stories you've ever heard? No, because I'm not a liar. Okay, remember the story time era on YouTube when everybody was making story time videos and they were doing so well and getting so many views that everybody started lying to, you know, keep up the engagement and keep up the views? I'm not doing that. All right? All of these stories are true, real and mediocre at best. But I'm going to try through storytelling to make them interesting because they're not that interesting, actually. I'm really selling. I'm not selling this and I should be selling it. We're going to have fun together, but they're not going to be the most interesting stories you've ever heard in your life. All right? So lower your expectations a little bit. But I am going to start out with probably the best story to really get you hooked. So without further ado, let's begin. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Dove's new Plant Milk Cleansing Collection. You know how I love my little treats and I feel the same way about treating my skin in the shower. So I give my skin what it's craving with Dove's Plant Milk Collection body washes made with a special plant milk blend. Just one shower deeply hydrates your skin and leaves you feeling soft and glowing. My favorite scent is the oat milk and berry brulee. But they all smell incredible. Turn your next shower into the little treat your skin deserves. Head to Target to buy Dove's Plant Milk Collection body wash before it sells out. Don't. Now back to the episode. Let me set the scene. I believe it was a Saturday afternoon and on the weekends, there's nothing I love more than just walking around town. So usually what I'll do is get in the car and then drive to some sort of walkable area in Los Angeles. I might go to Venice, I might go to Silver Lake. I might go to downtown la, Anywhere where there's shops and food and coffee. I just love to walk around in window shop and get a coffee and sit outside and watch people walk by. It's my weekend routine. So it's a Saturday and I'm getting ready to go. And I put all the dishes away and I cleaned up my closet, I put all my clothes away. And my house was pretty much spotless when I left. And so I go out for the day and I have a delightful day. All right, I shopped around. I don't think I bought anything that day. Thank God I got a coffee. I did some people watching. I had a long, wonderful, wonderful day. And I return home and I walk through my front door and immediately I'm like, oh, I have to get my pajamas on. Like, I have to get my pajamas on because I like to get dressed up on the weekends, so I'm itching to get my clothes off. So immediately I put all my stuff down and then I start walking upstairs to my bedroom. Immediately as I'm walking up the stairs, I. I notice on the staircase a pair of mustard yellow socks. And I was like, huh, what? What are these doing here? Like, I put all my clothes away before I left. Like, did the cats get this pair of socks out? And it kind of freaked me out a little bit because I was like, I can't remember my cats ever playing with my socks. Maybe when they were kittens. But, like, in recent memory, my cats are not touching my socks. And then I thought about it a bit more and I'm like, these are yellow socks. These are at the bottom of my sock drawer because I never wear my yellow socks. Like, I had not worn those socks in probably a year. And why are there no other socks out? Like, if they were playing with socks, they would have probably taken out more than one pair. Like, why this one yellow pair? Now all of this is flashing through my mind in an instant. I let it go and I continue up the stairs into my closet to get into my pajamas. And I step into my closet, perfectly clean. Every single piece of clothing either put away or in my hamper. Not another piece of clothing on the floor. And there's another pair of mustard yellow socks. Yes, I do have two pairs of mustard yellow socks. Only two. But I almost shit my pants. I was like, wait, what is happening? These are two pairs of socks that I Almost never wear. Now, I will say, basically, here's how my sock drawers laid out, okay? I have pretty much every color of sock in my sock drawer. Because for many years, I was sort of a sock collector. I was, like, obsessed with socks. And when I got rid of a bunch of clothes, I kept like, one or two of each color. However, all of my colored socks are at the bottom of my sock drawer beneath a bunch of plain white and plain black socks. And I have deep, deep, deep sock drawers. Like, de deep. Like, to get to the bottom. It's probably like five socks, seven socks deep. What are the odds that my cats would go into my sock drawer filled with literally, like a hundred pairs of socks, and they would dig to the bottom to pick the two pairs of mustard yellow socks? Literally, chills cover my whole body. I actually have chills all over my body right now. I was like, this is the ghost. This is the ghost. And if you're unfamiliar with my home, I've had a few little ghost occurrences. And let me remind you what's happened thus far with this ghost, okay? When I first moved into this house, I did about two years of construction. And then towards the end of the long journey of construction and, you know, designing the interior and doing the home decor and everything, my interior designers decided to give me a gift because it was such a long experience. And so they gifted me with sort of like a shaman of sorts, who are not a shaman, but like a spiritual guide or something. They gave me the gift of a spiritual guide who came into my home and did a bunch of spiritual things in my house. I actually don't know what she did because I wasn't there when she did it. My mom was home and she facilitated that experience. I was working or something, but at the end of her sort of process, she said, you have a small, young boy living in your house. He's a ghost. He's harmless. He's not gonna harm anyone. But he does like to play tricks. And then I remember my mom was like, wait a minute, maybe he took the ladder because we had a ladder go missing during the construction of my home. And then a few months later, he, like, stole my mom's glasses, and then he, like, put them somewhere, and then we, like, found them right after. Anyway, I have other ghost story episodes, so go listen to those if you want the full story. But anyway, I had a really, really horrible, horrible experience where I believe that the ghost was playing with my home security system, my alarm system, and basically convinced me through making door chime sounds or Something that my house had been broken into and also setting the alarm off, because the ghost, I believe, set the alarm off. I actually feel sick talking about this. It literally gives me so much anxiety. I know that this ghost is harmless, but that one experience where he started playing with the alarm system and made me think that somebody broke into my house. That was one of the most traumatic nights of my life. So I just am really. I'm like, please, if you're listening, buddy, we can't. Like, you can do little funny things with the socks, but nothing more like nothing that makes me call 91 1. Okay? Thank you. I am 95% sure, if not even 99% sure, that that little guy was playing with my socks. And his favorite color is clearly yellow, because there's no other logical explanation to why those two socks were out. And you know what? You can all think that I'm being loopy, but there was somebody else at my house at the time who was there when I cleaned the house, okay? And then they were also there when. When we got home. So, like, I was not fully alone for this. And I said to this person that was with me, I was like, wait a minute. You saw me clean the house? They were like, yeah. And then I was like, you know what my sock drawer looks like? Why are these two pairs of yellow socks out? And they were like, honestly, Emma, this is fucking weird. I am not alone in thinking that this was weird, okay? I had a full other party there with me. A witness, if you will, who could back up the fact that this whole thing was fucking weird. Anyway, nothing has happened since, Knock on wood. As long as he comes in peace, I'm all good. But that one occurrence where he made me call 911, that was so fucked up. And it was one of the darkest nights of my life. So if he's listening, I hope this isn't giving him ammo to do more little tricks on me, because I'm not in the mood. This episode is brought to you by hotels.com I love to travel, and I love staying at hotels. There's nothing I love more than walking into a beautifully clean hotel room, unpacking all of my stuff, making myself feel at home, going to sleep, waking up, and going to the breakfast buffet. I'm always looking for the best hacks and perks. And if you're like me, let me tell you, the easiest way to book is with Hotels.com members, save up to 20% and. And earn rewards on every stay. All you have to do is sign up and it's free. Become a member and save on hundreds of thousands ofhotels@hotels.com. this episode is brought to you by Degree Cool Rush Deodorant. If you're a guy or have a guy in your life, you might have heard of Degree's original Cool Rush deodorant. And if not, it's time to give it a try. Last year, Degree changed the formula and men were mad. One guy even started a petition. Well, Degree listened, owned that they messed up, and is now bringing back the OG Cool Rush scent. It's exactly how you remember it. Clean, crisp, and fresh. No wonder it's been the number one men's antiperspirant for the last decade. And it's in Walmart, Target, and a few other stores now for under $4. Degree cool rush is back. Smells like victory for everyone. Let's move on to something a bit less paranormal. Uh, the next two stories take place at my favorite workout class. Okay, Workout classes in Los Angeles are a bit, for the lack of a better word, culty. Okay? They're not fully culty in the way that, like, the instructors are pretending to be God or something like that. You know, there's. There's nothing necessarily toxic about it. But I say culty because workout classes in Los Angeles tend to get a cult following. And I have been a part of almost every single workout class cult. And so my recent one is sort of a hot yoga studio. Okay? I go all the time and I take the same types of classes every single time. And so I see the same people, right? And that's what tends to happen with these culty LA workout classes. Everybody figures out who their favorite instructors are. People become friends because they see each other every week at the same class. It becomes very communal and it's actually really cool. I love it. And I make friends and all that, you know, Like, I become sort of attached to certain instructors. Like, I wouldn't say I'm the most culty, but I'm definitely involved, you know? Anyway, so the next two stories take place at my yoga studio, starting out with a random Friday afternoon. I was taking the afternoon class at 12, I think we were probably 30 minutes in, really starting to sweat, really starting to feel it. And we hit the booty section where we do what instructors call fire hydrants. You know, when you're like on your hands and knees and you put a little weight, perhaps like a five pound weight behind your knee, and then you lift your knee up and it burns your booty, okay, Very Pilates coated. And the instructor had us do, like, some kind of funny. Like, she had us put, like, a yoga block under one of our knees while we were doing it. And so we're doing the workout and then we finish the booty section, and it definitely burned. It was a tough one. And afterwards she was like, how did you guys feel about that one? And everybody was like, yeah, it was good. It was good, it was good. Then she was like, well, we can. We can all thank the fitness influencer who, you know, gave me the idea for this workout, because I saw it on TikTok. And then all of a sudden, the woman next to me, I kid you not, the woman next to me screams, fuck influencers. I hate influencers. Kind of as a joke. Meanwhile, I'm like, oh, shit, I think I'm in enemy territory now. Here's the thing about the yoga class I go to. The crowd that goes to this class is very diverse. Like, some super old people and some super young people. Male, female. Like, everyone you can possibly imagine is in this yoga class. I've been to some hot yoga classes in LA that are very much like young girls my age. It's very trendy. Everybody's wearing the same yoga pants. Like, it's catering to a very specific audience. The place that I go, however, is very different. It's very diverse. Like, most people are over the age of 30 and they definitely don't know who I am. Okay, listen, not that, like, people my age don't, like, I'm not, but I am a public figure and technically, in some people's eyes, an influencer. And it's very clear that this lady didn't know this. Okay? But it's also. It became very clear that most people didn't know this, because then the entire room erupts, Okay, I kid you not. Erupts agreeing with this lady that just was like, fudge. Influencers. I hate influencers. Then all of a sudden, everyone's erupting, being like, yeah, yeah, I fucking hate influencers. And I'm just sitting there like, I actually thought it was hilarious. I didn't. I wasn't, like, offended, but I was like, they don't like influencers. And my job is on the Internet. I am, to some people, an influencer. It just depends on what you think an influencer is, to be honest. Like, I wish I could say, like, I was deeply offended. And I walked out of the room and I cried for two days, because that would be a more interesting story. I didn't. I really didn't care. I actually thought it was quite funny. I was laughing, but I was also. I was kind of laughing in. In fear a little bit. Like, whoa, if these people find out that I'm an influencer. And I see a lot of these people routinely because I go to this yoga class all the time. If they find out that I'm an influencer, I fear that they might light me on fire. I've never experienced something like that where everyone in the room was like, yeah, influencers. Ew. Influencers should rot in. It was like, what is happening? And I was so scared. I was like, but the truth of the matter, like, I get it. I get it. Listen, I don't believe in, like, openly hating on anyone. I don't think that's good for community and society. I also don't think it's good to do that in an environment like a yoga class. Because you never know. Like, if you were to come out and say, like, oh, I hate country music in. In the middle of a yoga class in Los Angeles, this. There's, like, a 90% chance that there is a country artist in that yoga class. You know what I mean? That's just how LA is. Like, there's a little bit of everyone, especially in entertainment. So, like, there's no excuse in my book for, like, being hateful towards others. However, I think I can say this because I am an influencer. I understand the frustration towards influencers. I really do. Even though, depending on whose definition we're following, I am one. You know, I get it. I fucking get, get it. Okay. Influencers live incredibly comfortable lives. They're constantly rubbing in the faces of everyone else how good their life is on the Internet. Or a lot of them are, myself included, even. Like, I show my travels, I show my outfits that I'm wearing. I show the food that I'm eating. And depending on what place you're in in your life, that might be annoying. You know, there's been places in my life when I was a teenager when I saw influencers, and it made me feel bad, you know? You know, influencers can be ignorant, like, problematic. Like, I get it. Do I think that being hateful towards others is a good thing? No. Do I think that what that lady did was right by saying that? No. Do I think that we should all love each other to the best of our ability? Yes. Even through our flaws? Yes. But I kind of also was like, all right, I kind of get it. So we'll see if they ever find out that I am an influencer among them. And I don't think Anyone knows yet because everybody, like, loves me there and is quite nice to me. So I'm just crossing my fingers that they don't find out. I briefly pause this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by hotels.com I love to travel and I love staying at hotels. There's nothing I love more than walking into a fresh, clean hotel room and just absolutely exploding in it. Okay? Putting all my skincare in the bathroom, hanging all my clothes up in the closet, and really making myself feel at home. I also love going down in the morning for a buffet breakfast. But booking the right hotel can be hard work if you don't know where to look. Whether I'm traveling for work or for fun, I'm always looking for the best hacks and perks. And if you're like me, let me tell you, the easiest way to book is with Hotels.com members save up to 20% in earn rewards on every stay in the money I save on the hotel, I can spend on going out to dinner, maybe doing a little bit of shopping at the hotel gift shop. You know what I mean? Like, this could be you. If you sign up@hotels.com Become a member for free, and save on hundreds of thousands ofhotels@hotels.com now let's get back to the episode. Um, okay, let's move on to the next yoga story. There is a woman at my yoga class. I think she's probably about, I don't know, maybe she's in her 70s and she's been going to this yoga class for years. She's friends with everybody somewhat. She knows everybody. But I will say she's a little bit of a bully to some people. If you're on her good side, she loves you. She gives you a hug when she sees you. You know she loves you. If she doesn't like you for whatever reason, she's rolling her eyes at you for no reason, she's scoffing at you. She might even yell at you for something. Okay, so that's this lady. All right. Do I think she's ultimately harmless? Yes. I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes you just don't know why people are the way that they are. Like, but she can definitely be a bully. All right, I have a friend that I see at yoga class. We chatted up every day. And the first time I really realized that this. That this woman, we'll call her. What fake name. We'll call her. We'll call her Patty. Okay? We'll call her Patty. The first time I realized that Patty was a bit of a bully was when my friend went over. So basically, let me explain something before I go further. In this yoga class, you get to put your mat. Your yoga mat down anywhere you want in the room as long as there's an open space, right? So it's first come, first serve. And if you want to get your spot that you really love, you got to get there early and put your mat down and claim it, right? And so one day, my friend, who we're gonna name Abby, okay, so we have Patty and we have Abby. So Abby goes in one day and puts her mat down far in the corner, like, in the back corner of the room, because it's. It's hotter back there. And I don't know that's what she wanted that day. Patty did not like this because something that was unbeknownst to Abby was that this is Patty's spot. Patty goes there every single day, and no one else is allowed to claim it. But Patty was a bit late that day and didn't get the spot. So Abby was like, oh, I guess that's my spot. Then Patty ripped Abby a new one. Ripped her a new one. And ever since then, h has been very, very mean to Abby. Now, if I were to psychologically analyze why Patty became mean to Abby after that interaction, I think it's because deep down, Patty feels bad for yelling at Abby about taking that spot, saying, this is my spot. I show up here every day. This is my spot. You need to go somewhere else. Like, this is. This corner is. She was saying. She was like, this corner is too hot for you. You won't be able to handle it. And you're not even very good at taking this class, so you need to go closer to the door. She was like, you need to go over there, because that's where people who are less experienced should go. You shouldn't be over here. Why did you think you could go over here? You haven't earned being over here. I think deep down, Patty knew that that was rude. And so I think to try to, I don't know, like, convince herself that that behavior was okay. She just started to, like, bully Abby all the time anyway. Very odd behavior. So that was the first sort of instance of like, okay, this woman is very territorial over her corner in the. In the yoga room. All right? But the other day, there was an explosion, an explosion of anger. So I got there super early because I wanted to get my spot. All right? I have a very specific spot. I like to be Right by the door, right next to the mirror. Like, I have a very specific spot I like to go. And Patty was there early as well. And so we're waiting, we're waiting. And then the, like, one of the people at the front desk was like, all right, you guys can go in. And so I go in, I put my mat down, and then I start chatting it up with some of the yoga people. And all of a sudden I hear shouting from the corner. And I was like, ooh, someone is in Patty's spot. I fear. And I look over and it was a man who actually had stayed after. So there was a class that was in the yoga room previous to our class, and he just decided to stay and stretch for 30 minutes after class, which is totally allowed. And he was in Patty's spa, and Patty ripped him a new one, started yelling at him, but then the guy started yelling back. And they get into a verbal brawl. No fists were thrown, but it was not physical. But there was yelling back and forth. Okay. And then ultimately, Patty got humbled. She did. Patty got humbled. She walked away scoffing, rolling her eyes. She was so upset. And then she was talking shit about him in the locker room. I mean, she was pissed. But I really do hope that she learned her lesson because I don't think she can treat people like that. It's very rare that somebody is really a bully in adulthood. But it's fascinating to see it, to see her get stood up to. I was like, you know what? That's the best way to handle it, because I. I really do think she learned her lesson. I don't think she'll be. She'll be bullying people anymore, but we'll see her other thing that she likes to do is she likes to say that other people stink. Like, she loves to say that people stink. Like, she'll come out of class sometimes and in the locker room she'll be like, my God, like, this girl stinks. Like, I smelled her today. She stinks. It's like, yeah, we're in hot yoga. Leave people alone. Like every. Nobody stinks that bad. Well, the whole room kind of stinks, but it's just part of it. Like, you're. We're in a 110 degree room with like 50 people. It's gonna smell bad, you know, like, that's a part of it. I wonder what she says behind my back. Who knows? Anyways, so that's some of my hot yoga lore. I don't know if that story was like, I had to be there moment like maybe that just like wasn't that interesting, but whatever, too late. I already told the story. Let's move on to something absolutely disgusting. This next story. If you are eating, I strongly suggest that you, you turn this episode off and you start listening again like an hour or two after your meal. Because this story is disgusting. Okay? Happened to me this past weekend. So this past weekend I was actually hanging out in downtown Los Angeles. Now downtown Los Angeles, if you've never been there, is an interesting place. It sort of looks like New York City in the way that there's a bunch of high rise buildings, but the energy is very different. It is far less rustling and bustling. It's not super busy depending on where you are. I mean it's, it's a bit more chill, it's a bit less nice in majority of areas. Like I think New York is for the most part a bit cleaner, maybe a bit more, I don't know, like there's a bit more going on, it has a bit more life to it. Downtown Los Angeles is a bit less awesome. But I will say it's sometimes a really fun place to hang out. Like there is some really incredible food in downtown la. There's some incredible shopping areas. There are some really cute areas that are just like fun to sit out and like hang out at good people watching. Like there are some really beautiful, incredible pockets of downtown la. A lot of really cool areas. Like there's different districts, like there's the fabric district, there's like the flower district. So like if you wanted to go buy a bunch of fabric for like a sewing project, downtown LA has the perfect spot for you if you wanted to decorate your home with a bunch of beautiful flowers. There's you know, an area in downtown where there's a bunch of flower shops. I'm growing to love downtown more and more. But it's definitely sometimes a bit rough. It's a bit dirty as well. It's fun but you gotta kinda keep your eyes out. You never want to let your guard down. You want to know where you're going. You don't want to just kind of stroll around into random areas. Like it's good to kind of know where you're going. Anywho, so this past weekend I had a wonderful day in downtown Los Angeles. I went to some vintage stores to look for some, some summer clothes potentially. There's like a really cute little, little shopping area I wanted to walk around in like Little Tokyo. There was like some really cute shopping around there. Anyway, so I had a wonderful Day I was hanging out with someone and we were walking around and it was towards the end of our adventure in downtown Los Angeles, and I was talking about with the person I was with. I was like, I'm really growing to love downtown. Like, it used to be so stressful for me. Like, I never knew where to park and I always kind of felt stressed out. Like, am I, am I safe? Like, I don't know. I. I never knew where all the cool stores were. Like, it's taken so many years living in Los Angeles to finally truly appreciate downtown la. And I was talking about how great of a day I had. We had walked around a lot, like, gotten a lot of steps in. I was commenting about that, like, wow, like, we walked like 10,000 steps. And it didn't even feel like 10,000 steps. I feel like I walked like 2,000. But we were just having so much fun and my shoes were so comfortable. I was wearing my little Margiela Tabby flats. Okay, now, if you don't know what a Margiela Tabby flat is, imagine a little ballet flat, but in between the big toe and the second longest toe, there's a slit all the way through. There's a slit. It's not just like the illusion of a split. It's fully split all the way through the toe. And I was talking about how comfortable those shoes were. And then I remembered how earlier in the day, a young woman came up to me and was like, you hey, are those shoes comfortable? And I was like, yes, actually they are. And she was like, I don't know. Are you sure? And I was like, yes, they're comfortable. And we kind of had a back and forth about it. So then, you know, when I was walking around at the end of the day, I was recalling the story. I was like, it's so crazy how comfortable these shoes are because nobody thinks they're comfortable. Like, remember that girl earlier? She was like doubting me so hard, like, fighting me almost about these shoes. And I was like, no, they are comfortable. And then I started talking about how much I love these shoes. They're cream, they have like a cute little knot tie detail on the top. Like, I love these shoes. I wear them all the time. And I was going on and on with the person I was with, talking about how much I love these shoes. And then all of a sudden I feel my foot slip a little bit and I take a few steps forward and I was like, did I just fudgeing step on a banana peel? Like, what am I playing Mario Kart like, what the fuck is happening? And I turn around and I look, and I see a massive human. I believe it to be human shit on the street, and I stepped in it. Yeah. Is there a chance it was dog poop? From, like, maybe a Great Dane? Like a huge, massive, huge dog maybe? I think. I personally think it was human shit. It looked like human shit. And I have a really hard time with poop. Okay? I. It disgust. Like, listen, of course poop is disgusting, right? I mean, there's some people out there who like it. All right, listen, I won't yuck your yum. Actually, I will yuck your yum because I really hate poop. All right? Like, it really bothers me. Like, I, like, throw up doesn't bother me. Boogers don't really bother me. It's fine. Like, if somebody, like, sneezes and, like, a big booger falls out of their nose, I'm like, it's good. It's all good. Or, like, if somebody throws up in front of me, that doesn't gross me out. Poop really bothers me. Like, I really am grossed out. Pee doesn't bother me. I don't know. There's just something about poop. I almost have, like, a phobia of it. I was with somebody else, of course, a young man, okay? A young man of whom that I am close with, and I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What am I gonna do? And I look down at my gorgeous cream Margiela tabby shoes, and I'm not dropping. Like, listen, I don't care that they're, like, nice shoes. It doesn't, like, I don't care about that. What I care about is that this is a tabby. There's a split in the toe, okay? I look down at my toe, and it's just coming through the split. It's packed through the split of the toe. It'd be one thing if I stepped in human in a Doc Martin, you know what I mean? Because those are, like, waterproof, weatherproof. They're, like, fully wrapped around the full foot. Like, it's like, if you step in something, all you got to do is, like, find the nearest hose and, like, hose off your shoe and you're fine. I was in a very small, fragile shoe that had a split between the toe. Not to mention, these shoes are really worn in, okay? So the second I stepped in it, I felt the temperature of the feces on my foot because of how thin the leather is, because I've worn it through. I Was so frightened that it seeped through onto my sock. I. I didn't know what to do. I. I said to the person I was with, I was like, what am I supposed to do? Like, I don't know what to do. Like, should we get, like, a bottle of water? And he was like, all right, here's what we're gonna do. He sits me down at a table. There was, like, a restaurant that had, like, a bunch of tables and that on the street that, like, went out super far. And I sat at the farthest table away. I was very far. I was not nearly close to anyone. It was also, like, off hours. Nobody was even eating there. So I sat down on this chair, and he was like, give me a second. So now I'm, like, sitting with what I believe to be human shit packed on my shoe, and I'm, like, trying to scrape it off against the curb, and it's just not budging. And I'm like, I might have to throw my shoes away right now. Which is fine. Like, listen, these things are replaceable. But it's more just like, wait, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Like, am I gonna get sick? Like, I don't know what's gonna happen. So I sit there for, like, somewhere between seven to 10 minutes. And this young man that I'm with comes back. He went to a liquor store, and he bought Clorox wipes and a bottle of water. And I was like, oh, my God. You are saving my life. Like, this is amazing. This is a miracle. Thank you so much. And he was like, wait. And he goes into a nearby cafe for a minute, and he comes out with sterile rubber gloves and a bunch of napkins. Next, he instructs me to stand up and walk over to the curb, where he sits on the curb, takes one of his shoes off, has me put my foot in the shoe. His shoe. He then takes my shoe and. And proceeds to clean it himself. What he had to witness, what he was about 6 inches away from as he was cleaning my shoe, is something that I couldn't have stomached myself. Okay? This young man took it upon himself to literally take off his own shoe so that I didn't have to, like, balance on one foot and then clean my shoe to perfection to the point where I don't even have to throw these shoes away. He Clorox wipes, Wiped them to oblivion. I mean, they are cleaner than they've ever been before. He had to poke the shit out from between the toe. And he did it all without A complaint. I truly have never. No one has ever done something nicer for me in my life. Ever. My standard for how I want to treat others and how I want to be treated have now elevated to a brand new level. After that experience, I was truly moved. I mean, listen, the craziest part of this story is that I stepped in human shit. But to be honest, growing up near San Francisco, you know, I've seen my fair share of human shit on the street. I've seen people shitting. Like, I've seen the poop happening. I've seen people pissing all over. Like, I've seen the shit. It's just something that happens in a city. It's sad. It's sad. It's a bummer. It sucks. I just, I. I didn't think I would ever have to interact with it. It was also so fresh. Like, I don't even know, like, how. Like, it was literally brand new. But I'm happy to say that I still have that pair of tabbies. They're still my favorite pair of shoes. And now they. They hold a beautiful memory of. Of this young man who really took care of me. And that was really sweet. And let's all send him love and clap for him. Let's clap for him. Let's clap for him. Can I be honest, ladies? If you think right now, if your boyfriend wouldn't do that for you, close your eyes. If your boyfriend wouldn't do that for you, break up with him. I'm not kidding. There's a man out there that would wipe poop out of your tabbies. And you need to find him. Don't settle. Do not settle. Let's move on, okay? This is such a funny and embarrassing story. I'm actually mortified by this story, and you all are probably going to think of me differently. Actually, I don't know. I don't know how this story is going to come off, but I'm going to tell it anyway. This episode is brought to you by ebay. We all have that piece, you know the one, the thing that's so you. You've basically become known for it. And if you don't have yours yet, you'll find it on ebay. Let me put you on people. Ebay is where you'll find those. One of a kind. Can't stop researching. Stay up. Dreaming about pieces again and again. I'm talking about that Miu Miu off the Runway red leather bomber, that cousteau Barcelona top with the cowboy on it. Or that fleece in the 2017 colorway all of these finds are on ebay. They even offer millions of main character pieces backed by authenticity guarantee. Ebay is the place for pre loved in vintage fashion. Ebay things people love. This summer, Disney is going retro for real with all of your Disney and Hulu throwback faves. Shut up. Hit endless rewind on Disney with the Princess diaries, the Lizzie McGuire Movie and Freaky Friday. Could you like chill for a sec? Then with Hulu throw it back with Gilmore Girls, One Tree Hill and Full House. You got it dude. All of these and more now totally streaming With Hulu on Disney plus bundle subscription required 18 + select Hulu content on Disney + additional content on Hulu App Terms Apply this episode is brought to you by Ikea. Classes, Check. Textbooks, Check. Backpack packed. A dream study space doesn't have to break the bank with IKEA's College Essentials. It's easy to create a space that sets students students up for success. They've got affordable solutions and designs that help students customize their space the way they want it. No time to shop in store, choose pickup from thousands of locations or find affordable delivery options that take the stress out of getting set up for college. Check every box on your checklist while starting the year in style. Shop now at ikea-usa.com readyforcollege. So the other day actually, was this the same day as the poop tabby? No, it might have been the day before. Anyway, same weekend as I stepped in poop in my tabbies, I stopped into this super fancy, like bougie super fashion store. It's called Maxfield. And I love popping in there every once in a while because they have like, sometimes they'll have Runway pieces, they have a bunch of designer stuff. I almost never buy anything there. Cause everything is really expensive. And it's like, it's more to me like kind of like going into a little gallery or something. But I find it quite fun. And so on this particular weekend, I decided to pop in. And it's located in West Hollywood on a very popular street where there's a lot of action. It's like a fun street to hang out on. Like you can get really good food, you can shop around mainly like designer stores, but it's like fun to just hang out around there. There's a lot of fun stuff to see. So I go into Maxfield, I shop around. It's like kind of a quiet weekend, sort of evening off hours, like not quite lunchtime, not quite dinner time. So it was definitely not super busy. But there are People around. I'm walking out of the store and the door is sort of protected. It's like almost in sort of like an alley or not quite an alley, but it's like the door is not accessible from the street. Like, you have to walk around the building, sort of towards the back to get in. And so to then get out. You are then walking back around the building to go to the street, and I walk around the corner to start walking towards the street and there's a fucking paparazzi taking photos of me. Now, I know what you're thinking, Emma. You're a public figure. Like, that shit happens in la, right? No, it doesn't. Okay. I can't tell you how many times I've shopped around in that area. I never get paparazzi out of nowhere. Like, there are times when paparazzi randomly takes photos of me, but it's always in an environment or at a time where it's expected. Like, for example, if I'm in New York for the Met, there's paparazzi around at every single event, at every single restaurant throughout the weekend because there's a bunch of public figures around, you know, so it's like not super shocking for somebody to take a photo of me because they're like taking a photo of everyone because there was just so many public figures around and they're just trying to get as much sort of coverage on who's going to the event and who's around town. But also, like, there are certain restaurants in LA that always have paparazzi in front of them. There are certain, you know, events that have paparazzi around them, like certain parties that have paparazzi outside. But it's always sort of expected, you know what I mean? Like, I always know, like, oh, there's probably going to be cameras outside of this event. I can't remember the last time I got paparazzi at random. Like, when I was younger, like a teenager, there was this phase where There was a YouTube channel called the Hollywood Fix. And it was like this guy who really focused on, like, YouTubers, TikTokers, influencers, and he really would, like, show up at houses sometimes. Like, he would show up at an influencer. TikToker YouTubers residence. And he did do that to me a few times. And he would follow me and find me. But it was like, different. It wasn't like the paparazzi, it was like its own sort of thing. It was a YouTube channel of this guy who does very specifically, like, social media personality interviews. And it was A bit invasive because he would sometimes come to your house, which was like, a little bit crazy. The moral of the story is I was shopping. I really did not expect this to happen. It was shocking to me. And I immediately, like. I, like, almost screamed a little. I was startled. It was so not cool. The cool thing to do would have been for me to have walked out and been like, just fucking strut. But immediately I, like, screamed a little bit and then I started laughing because I screamed. I think the photos are somewhere. I don't even know. It doesn't matter. But, like, I start laughing and then my reaction in general was just mortifying, like, to scream a little bit and then to, like, start laughing and get, like, nervous and weird. It was so embarrassing. And I was like, oh, my God. I like, what is happening? Like, this guy is used to saying, like, fudgeing the Kardashians. Walking into a restaurant, so hot, strutting it, looking so hot, wearing a chic outfit, always prepared for the camera. Meanwhile, I, like, walk out and I'm like, oh, my God. Ah, Wait, what? Who are you? Oh, my God, I'm being paparazzi. Wait, what? Oh, my God. Okay, wait, should I, like, look cool? Like, that was my reaction. It was, oh, my God, it was so embarrassing. And then I was like, fuck, what if he's filming it? Because sometimes paparazzi will film. And I was like, oh, my God, if he's filming it, this is going to be a TikTok. Like, this is going to get posted on TikTok and everyone's going to be like, Emma is the least, like, look at this cringe freak. She's, like, giggling and, like, screaming and like, like, it was so embarrassing. Anyway, I walked up to him and I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. My reaction to seeing you is so weird. Like, I genuinely was just shocked. Like, I never, like, how did you even find me? I was like. And then there was this woman with him, and this woman was like, I saw you from across the street. Then I look across the street and I remembered, oh, there's a restaurant across the street that always has paparazzi out front. And they were clearly just waiting for, like, I don't know, Machine Gun Kelly to walk in in an hour, you know, so, like, they were waiting for that. And then I guess because it was just off hours, like 4pm they saw me across the street and they're like, oh, I guess we'll take a picture of that lady. So then they took a picture of me and then it was so funny because I was like, oh, my God. As a joke, I was like, I hope I looked good. And then he was like, want to take a few more where you can be more posed? I was like, sure. So I, like. I, like, stepped back a few steps, and then, like, walked for him a little bit. And I was like, all right, I gotta go. Like, this is ridiculous. What are we doing? But then I was like, fuck, what if he took a video of that? Like, what if he took a video of me being him being like, do you want to, like, retake them and kind of stage them and make them look good? And then I was like, yeah, duh. And then there's, like, photos of me, like, faking getting paparazzi photos. I was like, this whole thing is a mess. This is a mess. This is mortifying. Everything about this is mortifying. I was like, oh, my God. Like, the one time I get paparazzi in the wild, naturally. Like, I should have just walked past him and, like, looked hot and cool and been like, hey, babe. And then, like, kept walking. But no, I, like, interacted with him. I was like, hey, oh, my God, this is so fun. Wait. And then he's like, should we take more? And I'm like, yes. Like, it was so embarrassing. It was just, like, not cool, like, But I don't know. It's fine. It's fine. But it feels also kind of rude. Like, if this person's taking a photo of you to, like, completely ignore. I don't know. I'm not really, like, caught up with the etiquette when it comes to, like, me going to an event or something. And there's paparazzi there. Like, they don't need to chat. You know, they don't care. They also don't care about me that much. Like, it's not that deep. They're taking photos of everyone. So, like, just walking by and kind of ignoring the camera is totally fine. But when somebody, like, finds you in the middle of. Of West Hollywood on, like, on off hours and there's, like, no one around, it's like, a weird vibe, but it's kind of fun. Now I'm like, oh, my God. Should I start, like, leaking my location more often? Because I kind of had fun. It was kind of a rush because that's a lot of times. What happens with paparazzi, I think, is that paparazzi know where certain celebrities frequent. They know where they live. Like, don't get me wrong, you know, paparazzi definitely catch people in the wild, but just as much people are calling the paparazzi on themselves. I don't know. Maybe I just need to hang out in more places where there's paparazzi because it was kind of fun. Or maybe I just start calling it on myself. I don't think that that's morally wrong necessarily. If it's like. Like it's kind of fun, it's definitely a bit cringe, But I don't think it's morally wrong, but it is a little bit cringe. I don't know. Well, if you start seeing more paparazzi photos of me, it's either that I started hanging out in areas where there's a lot of paparazzi, or I just started calling it on myself. So just beware and keep your eyes out on Daily Mail. Um, anyways, last but not least, my last story of the day is the only story that's not somewhat recent, like within the last six months. This story dates back years ago. However, it's recently been on my mind for a reason that I will explain after I tell the story. So let me take you back to my first breakup. This was one of my darkest hours. I was down fucking bad, crying all the time, laying in bed, watching Jersey Shore every single day. The TV show manifesting that my ex at that time would ultimately choose to get back together with me. Crying, crying, crying every day, Crying, sobbing, thinking that life was over, et cetera. You know how it is. First breakup doesn't feel good. You know what made that breakup so fucking hard? The fact that his fragrance. That he Wore Baccarat Rouge. 540. That specific fragrance is one of the most potent fragrances of all time. So you know what that means. His smell lingered in my apartment for six months. I kid you not, Every time I'd sit on my couch, I would smell him. I would sometimes, like, randomly take out a piece of clothing from my closet that I hadn't worn in a while, and it would smell like him. That fragrance sticks to everything. And it sticks for months. Okay? Not only that, but it's a delicious smell. It's like the best smell ever. So not only was I going through the worst breakup of my life, but that scent made it 5,000 times worse. Because every time I'd forget about him, I'd sit on my couch, get a whiff of that. Of that aroma, and remember immediately how it felt to hug him. Brutal. But you know what I ended up doing? I ended up buying the fragrance myself for two reasons. Number one, because if I started wearing it myself, it would Become my own thing. I would associate the smell with me. Number two, when you wear a fragrance enough, you almost don't smell it anymore. My God. My oven just made a sound that scared the fucking shit out of me. I thought it was the ghost. Oh, my God. My oven just made a. Oh. Sometimes my oven's fan will, like, randomly go on. Now my cat looks scared. Hold on, I need to check what's happening. It's fine, Baba. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That was really scary. My oven every once in a while will, like, turn on the fan even if the oven's not on and it makes sort of like a loud sound and it is normal. Like, it happens, I don't know, like every two weeks or something like that'll randomly happen or I'll hear it, but it just happened to happen after telling you multiple ghost stories. So I feel sick to my stomach. Anyway, so back to the the fragrance story, which now seems irrelevant as I think the ghost is playing with my fan in my oven. I bought this fragrance for a few reasons. Number one, because I would, you know, reassociate the smell with myself rather than with him. Number two, because the more I wore it, the less potent the smell would become. Like, you almost become nose blind to a fragrance that you wear all the time. You don't even smell it anymore. And then number three, because I actually remembered that when we were dating, I asked him if I could buy that fragrance too, because I loved the smell so much. It was so good. And he said no. So the third reason was kind of a fuck you. Like, you know what? No, fuck you. Yeah, fuck you. Because it's weird to be like, to your girlfriend who loves the scent so much, like, oh, my God, I want to wear that smell too. Let's wear it together. And then, like, the boyfriend says, no. Ew, that's rude. That's rude. Glad we broke up. So, no, he didn't mean any harm by it. He just wanted a signature scent. Like, you know what? Can you blame a young man for wanting a signature scent? I guess you can't then. Ever since literally for the last, like, six, seven years, that has been my scent. That is the only fragrance that I really wear. I mean, there's been a few exceptions here and there, but, like, for the most part, that has been my signature scent. And I just recently sort of came to the conclusion, like, I need to find a new one that's mine. Like, I don't like that this one has this history. I want one that has a clean slate. And so I'm in the market for a new signature scent, but it's so hard. It's so hard to find. Like, I smell fragrances at every single Sephora at every single, like, designer store. Like, any time I'm around fragrance where there's, like, a big display of fragrances out, I'm smelling every single one, and I've yet to find one that really sticks with me. None of them are quite right. I don't know. We'll see if I ever find it. But anyway, that was my signature scent. Villain origin story. You know, it's like revenge. Like, you didn't let me have that. Have that scent when we were dating, and now the scent's haunting me, so I'm going to wear it. And it's my signature scent now. I think those are all the stories I have. I wish I had more, but actually, I'm glad to stop now because then, you know, if I remember any more, I'll just save it for the next short story compilation. I hope you enjoyed these stories. Sorry that it wasn't like, anything really crazy, like, me, like, jumping out of a building and then, like, a squirrel, like, jumping on my back and then me using a parachute. Like, sorry it wasn't like that. Because I know that that's what you all want. Because all of our attention spans are horrible now because of the Internet. So I know that you're expecting, like, real shock value. I didn't really give you that, but I gave you some stories at least. This was like, white noise for you to do chores to or, like, fall asleep to, you know, that's all I could ever ask. Or maybe you're on, like, a road trip and you're bored and, like, you just want the warm hum of a familiar voice. Like, I don't know. But regardless, I enjoyed our time together. I love telling stories. I can't wait till I get to tell stories again. But until then, new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. Anything Goes is available anywhere you stream podcasts, but if you want to watch a video that's on Spotify and YouTube, I'm everywhere at Emma Chamberlain, and my coffee company is Chamberlain Coffee. And I love you all and I appreciate you all, and I can't wait to talk to you in a few days. And that's it. All right, I'll talk to you soon. Bye.