← anything goes with emma chamberlain
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- [00:00]
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I'm sure it's a biological instinct to care about what we look like, to sort of be concerned about our appearance. However, I feel like since the inception of social media, our collective obsession with our appearance has steadily increased to the point that we're at now, where it's peaking in a way that I don't think anyone could have anticipated. Unless you're really not on the Internet and you don't live in a big city where the zeitgeist is quite literally in front of you at all times. And it is abundantly clear that as a society we are more obsessed with our appearance than we've ever been before in a way that is arguably concerning and can at times even be dangerous. This came onto my radar, I think, for a few reasons. Number one, because I spend a lot of time in big cities, therefore I see with my own eyes what's going on trend wise. But also because this is such a relevant topic of conversation that even though I don't really scroll on the Internet very much these days, it still made its way onto my radar. Lastly, because I think the industry that I work in, entertainment, plays an integral role in sort of the beauty standards and beauty trends and so on and so forth, I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode of Anything Goes is presented by Walmart. Summer's back, baby. Which means a whole new wardrobe. Thankfully, you can find trends that speak to you for less at Walmart. You know, for me, summer is about simplicity and comfort because warm weather is pleasant, but only if you dress properly for it. So I'm trying to wear breathable but cute clothing all summer long. From casual hangs to vacation, Walmart's the place to find all your summer pieces. Think chic eyelet styles, breezy dresses, it girl shoes, vibrant colors and more. Shop the hottest summer trends and new drops@walmart.com trends. That's walmart.com trends. Now back to the episode. As I'm noticing this happen so societally, I, on a personal level am having the opposite experience. As people are becoming more and more and more obsessed with their appearance due to the Internet, I, for the first time in my life, am barely on the Internet. I used to be so much more obsessed with my appearance because I was chronically online. I experienced this at an even less intense time like a few years ago and now it's hitting its peak and I can't even imagine how it would psychologically impact me if I was still heavily influenced by the Internet. I feel like I'm constantly discovering new Positive things that have come from me. Not scrolling social media as much anymore. My brain feels healthier in this way or in that way. I'm constantly discovering new things. And something that I realized recently was that I feel so much more positive about my appearance these days. It's like one of those things where it takes time to notice. Like, oh, wait, I'm not really thinking like that anymore. Oh, I'm not really doing that anymore. And so it really dawned on me recently. I don't think I even realized how obsessed with my appearance I was when I was chronically online. I just thought it was a normal part of being a young person. I guess a lot of my friends were experiencing the same feelings, and a lot of people on the Internet, I think, were experiencing the same thing. So I was like, this is just kind of how it is to be a human being, I guess. But also, I was so wrapped up in it. I was so obsessed with what I look like that I wasn't even thinking about anything else, which might be shocking to some of you because I also am somebody who's been known to be super raw. Emma doesn't wear makeup all the time. She's so natural. She, you know, she doesn't care if she looks like shit. Yes, but I have my own sort of criteria. Like, I. I can look like shit as long as in my eyes, I still look kind of good. Do you know what I'm saying? So in my own head, there was still an obsession and there was still a focus on it. It just might be a little bit different than. Than yours or than the average person, because I'm weird and whatever. But a few years ago, I was constantly looking in mirrors and looking in the front camera of my phone. All day, every day, I was checking to see what I look like. And I knew every single nook and cranny of my face at every given moment. Like, if I had a pimple, so hyper aware of that pimple, if there was like a new little wrinkle on my forehead, a new little line on my forehead, I'd know about it. If my face was a little bit puffy because I ate something really salty, I noticed, and I was upset by it. I was also obsessed with taking photos, which I think was made worse because, you know, I have a career on the Internet. I post photos of myself wearing clothes and doing this and doing that because arguably that's a part of my job. But I was even more obsessed. Like, I was unnecessarily obsessed with taking photos of me in Outfits and, and just selfies and this and that all the time. Partially because it was my job, but also because like, I wanted to prove to myself maybe that I looked good. And if I looked good in a photo, then it was like this sort of evidence, like, oh, I look good. And that made me feel good. There was an unhealthy emphasis on taking photos of myself during that time. I also think that my quote, wellness habits, if you will. Okay, wellness meaning like exercise, skin care, hair care, what I was eating. Like my wellness routine, if you can call it that, was forced for sure. There were elements of it that were enjoyable, but like, there were little bits and pieces of my routine that I think were forced. Like, for example, I used to do this really challenging cardio weightlifting, boot camp workout class all the time. Like, that was my go to workout class. And in retrospect, like, I really did love that class. I, I think to an extent, but like, did I, I dreaded it almost every time I went. It really exhausted me and I didn't really enjoy lifting weights. Like, it wasn't, it wasn't for me actually. Like, I was just doing that because I thought, okay, I need to find the hardest workout possible and do that because that's going to put me in the best possible shape and I'm going to be as healthy as, you know what I mean? And that was a bit forced. And then like another example would be I used to use this microcurrent tool, like this like facial tool. It's like this little thing that zaps your face and makes it sort of snatched, if you will. And I used to do that like every other day. And to be honest, I hated using that tool. Like, it was so annoying to me. But I, I thought that it helped my face sort of depuff, if you will. I thought it made my face look more, I guess, chiseled. And so I did it every other day, 10 minutes. But I hated doing it so much that like, it was such an annoying part of my routine. I was sort of doing a lot of things in my day to day life for the sake of my appearance that weren't really enjoyable for me. And last but not least, when I look back at that time, I just remember constantly feeling upset and stressed because I didn't feel like I looked good. Like I, I never felt satisfied with what I looked like. I always felt like something was wrong and I was always obsessing over it and I cried a lot about it. In retrospect, it makes complete sense to me. I was scrolling on TikTok for probably at least an hour a day. I was on Instagram scrolling for probably another hour a day. I was seeing a lot of hot people. The algorithm loves to push hot people doing hot things. People in really, really good shape with lots of muscles doing their workout routine. Like it naturally, subconsciously was getting to me and I didn't even really realize it. And now I don't see that stuff anymore. And everything has changed. I mean, not everything, but it's much healthier now. Nowadays, I don't look in the mirror that much. I don't open my phone camera that much and see and check on what I look like. Unless I'm going to an event and my makeup is done and I'm about to do a red carpet and get my photo taken and I want to make sure that my lip liner is touched up. I actually don't check on what I look like very often. A good example of that would be the other day I looked in the mirror and realized that my entire cheek is completely broken out. Acne everywhere. Like, I probably have like 15 little pimples on my right cheek right now. I don't know why, don't know how it happened, but I just looked in the mirror one day and it was there. And it's interesting because, you know, a few years ago, I would have watched every single pimple come in. I would have known every single pimple was coming in. And it was sort of this beautiful moment of looking in the mirror and being like, huh, where did all those come from? Like, I, it like shocked me because I, it just, I woke up one day and I was like, wait, how long have those been there? And that sort of nonchalance was so new to me. And it really dawned on me how different my brain is now. Am I immune to feeling insecurity? No. Like, do I look in the mirror and see a cheek full of acne and think to myself, it's okay, I love that. I love myself so much. And I'm. And I'm so in everything and I think I'm so awesome and so gorgeous that I just. Even when I have a full cheek of acne, like, it makes me love myself even more. No. Like, of course I look at my cheek in the mirror and I'm like, oh, that's a bummer. Like, it's still a bummer. You know, when I look in the mirror after a 12 hour plane ride and my face is puffy and I'm like, my eyes are puffy and like my hair Looks like shit. And, like, am I stoked about it? No, I'm not. But it's less intense of a discomfort than it used to be. Like, that used to really freak me out because I was obsessed with what I look like. Now I'm, like, concerned about what I look like, but not. Not to the point of, like, crying, not to the point of, you know, using the microcurrent tool on my face for an extra 10 minutes. I'm not so concerned that I have a cheek full of pimples. To the point where, like, I need to book a facial now and I need and need, like, it's fine. This episode is brought to you by Disney's Freakier Friday on Friday, August 8th. Prepare for the frequel. Lindsay Lohan and Jam Lee Curtis are back in Disney's Freakier Friday. 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- [11:09]
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- [11:39]
A
There's certain sort of insecurities that used to really stick out to me and really bug me that now I'm just kind of neutral about. Like, they're there. It is what it is. Like, I can, I can name them for you. Number one, my lips are very uneven. Like my left upper lip to me is. It's very small. It's short, it's small. Okay. The right side of my upper lip is round and looks nice and I'm fine with it. The left side to me, for some reason I hate. And so sometimes I'll use lip liner and overline my lips and then you can't tell. Like right now, my lips are overlined. So if you were to look at me right now, you wouldn't be able to tell. But that's something that used to really bother me. Another thing, I don't have Botox. My face is wrinkling. As a 24 year old's face will Wrinkle. I don't have wrinkles, but I have some little lines. You know, I have lines on my forehead. I have lines in between my eyebrows. I have some deep lines around my mouth, you know, and there have been times where that's really upset me, really bothered me, you know, and then when it comes to my body and stuff, I mean, don't even get me started. Like, we all have things. It's like, why does my knee look like that? Why do. Why when I wear a tank top, does my armpit look like that? Like, this is just. We're human. You know what I mean? It. The list goes on. And you can look at me and say, emma, like, you're being. Pick me, and you're being ridiculous. Like, why are you. Like, you're nitpicking stuff that no one notices, that no one cares about. That is exactly how I'd feel about you if you were to share the thing. Like, we don't care about each other's insecurities. We don't notice these things. And even if we do, even if it's something like, oh, that, you know, who cares? Like, we don't care about each other's things. Like, you might have noticed. Like, oh, Emma has some deep lines on her face, around her mouth. You might have noticed that. But I can guarantee that you don't care. You don't think differently about me because of it. I don't know all of this to say. I don't look in the mirror as much. I'm not checking what I look like in my front camera of my phone as much. And when I do, it's less traumatic. It's less intense. I feel as close to a sense of sort of neutrality about what I look like possible. Like, listen, there's probably. I could probably improve, but who I am today, I think I'm as neutral about what I look like as possible. I'm a human being. My career is like, on the Internet. People are constantly commenting about what I look like. Like, I'm never. I'm not gonna not care at all. But I'm in a really good place compared to where I used to be. I would say most interestingly, recently, I don't take a lot of photos of myself anymore. Like, I used to constantly be taking selfies. Like, if you were to look through my camera roll, there were so many selfies, and part of them were, you know, like, oh, maybe I'll post them. But it was also kind of like, what do I look like right now? Do I look cute? Or, no, you know, it was half like, oh, and taking a selfie for. For Instagram, but then it was also kind of like checking. But then also, even, like, when I'm out and about doing stuff, unless I'm really in a beautiful environment and I'm wearing a really cool outfit, I'm not going to hand my phone to the person I'm hanging out with and say, hey, take a photo of me like I used to. Because I used to do that a lot. And I also think that that's part of being, you know, a young person. As you get older, perhaps you feel less inclined to take a photo of everything. Perhaps that's just my experience. Like, that's just something that I personally grew out of. I'm not sure. But I just don't take photos of myself as much anymore. And when I do, I take, like, 10. I used to take 40,000 images before I'd get one that I liked, and now it's like, okay, 10 is good. It's kind of miraculous, to be honest. I also think that nowadays my wellness habits are much more intuitive and enjoyable. Like, my exercise routine is truly one of the highlights of my day. Like, I love going to hot yoga. I love a little Pilates. I love walking. I'm not forcing myself to do it. Like, everything about it is intuitive. It's what I want to do. I used to run, I used to lift weights, and I used to do all this stuff because I thought that that's what would make me feel the most strong. In fact, I was wrong. It's very interesting. I actually feel stronger and healthier now when it comes to, like, my skin care. Like, I'm not doing the microcurrent tool anymore. It might help with, you know, puffiness in the face a little bit. I don't care. It doesn't. It's. It's too annoying to keep up with. I don't want to do it anymore, so I don't do it anymore. I do whatever skin care sounds appealing to me at any given moment. If I wake up one day and I want to do that microcurrent tool, I'll do it. But if I'm not feeling it, I'm not feeling it. Sometimes I just want to give my face a massage. I'm just listening to my body and doing what feels right. You know what I mean? So, moral of the story, it's very clear to me, the correlation. I stopped scrolling on the Internet and I just started caring a little bit less about what I look like again, do I still care about what I look like. Of course I do. But it's decreased significantly and I feel much more balanced. I still have moments where I am toxic with myself. Absolutely. I feel like it's probably rooted in my. In, in my career, just having a job where I'm constantly on camera. I think I've naturally started making more content, if you will. That has nothing to do with my physical appearance. It's more about the clothes that I'm wearing or the things that I'm talking about. I think there's been a little bit of a shift there, which has been helpful. But I'm still on camera, you know, as I'm recording this podcast right now, I'm on camera. You can see my face if you're watching the video version of this episode. If I'm talking about how I style an outfit, even though the video is about the outfit, not about what I look like, I am the one wearing the clothes. I still do take photos to post on Instagram of me. You know, I still do take photos. Sometimes I do photo shoots for brands or magazines. These things still occur in my life. And so it's impossible for me to completely become neutral about what I look like. You know what I mean? But I think I'm as neutral as I can be considering my circumstance. And I really do think that that's because I'm not scrolling. We're all very much aware that social media has caused us to become more obsessed with what we look like. Well, number one, because we're constantly comparing ourselves to a curated reality. Photoshopped images, perfected angles, lighting that smooths the skin. Like snooze fest. We all know that. I think the Internet also makes us obsessed with what we look like because we have this sort of innate desire to fit in and be on social media. And beyond that, not only do we want to fit in by being on social media, but we also want to fit in by having a certain social media presence. We want to look a certain way and appear a certain way on social media for obvious reasons. Again, snooze fest. We already all know this. We want to seem cool. We want to seem like our lives are awesome because that attracts people to us and we want people to be attracted to us. Right? But the interesting thing about our desire to be present on social media is that it causes us to take photos of ourselves and take videos of ourselves more than ever in history, to the point where now we see ourselves in photos and videos. I would argue an unhealthy amount like for me it's one thing because it's my job, but the average person, they have sort of this parasite of like seeing themselves more than they need to to sort of fit in. Do you see what I'm saying? If we were to go back 100 years, people never saw themselves except for maybe in the mirror every once in a while. Living life just through our own eyes. Does that make sense? We were, our reality was the people around us and the things that we were experiencing, not ourselves. And there's something about that that's so freeing. And also, photos are usually less flattering than looking in the mirror because when we look in the mirror we're moving, you know, like our imaginations are. I've heard that our brains like edit the way that we look in the mirror to make us look better, but it's inevitable. Like we definitely look better in the mirror than we do in photos because photos are a split second. I don't know, you're two dimensional. You get what I'm saying? People were less obsessed with their appearance before. We were taking photos of ourselves all the time. Do you know what I mean? And obviously social media impacts our sense of reality, thus impacting our priorities. You know, when we're chronically online, our reality shifts from what we're experiencing in the real world to what's happening online, which is usually not good for us. Like let me give you some examples, okay? Online, looking good is more important than treating others with kindness. Okay? You post a video of you being kind, you're going to get one. Like you post a video of you looking really hot and pushing somebody out of the way. 200 likes. Whereas in real life, treating others with kindness is 1000% more important than looking good. It doesn't matter if you look good in person. If you're an asshole, everyone's going to hate you. Another example, online looking good is more important than spending time with loved ones. You post a sweet picture with your grandma. One like you post a really hot photo where you perfectly face tuned your waist a little bit tinier in your, in your booty a little bit wider, in the skin a little bit smoother and wow, you've never looked better. 2000 likes. Okay, 2000. Hanging out with grandma doesn't matter on the Internet unless you have a famous grandma. What's more important is looking good. It's harsh what I'm saying, but it's true. My point is, if you're chronically online, there's very few things that are more important than looking good. Because on The Internet. Looking good is rewarded. Posting hot photos can actually help you build a career. I notice significantly more positive engagement when I look good. I'm showered with love. It's fascinating to me, and it doesn't impact what I post. Like, sometimes I post something where I look really glamorous, and other times I don't. But I definitely notice it. And I think at this point, we all notice it. I think it's also gotten progressively worse as of recently because there's so much content on the Internet now focused on how to look better. I'm not on TikTok, so I'm not running into this content as much on my own, but I'm hearing about it because even on YouTube, like, there's so many people making video essays and stuff about how to look better. There's so much content about cosmetic procedures, what celebrities have gotten done, or story times about people getting cosmetic procedures themselves, or talking about how they ordered like hyaluronic filler online and they're injecting it into their own lips. And if not that, it's content about how to mimic the effects of cosmetic procedures more naturally. You know, like taping your face to, to make your face, like, to help with wrinkles. It's like natural Botox or jaw exercise mechanism that you can chew down on for like 10 minutes a day, and it'll make your jawline sharper. There's also a lot of extreme skincare content on the Internet. Like the whole sort of morning shed this trend is like, I mean, you all probably know what it is, but in case there's one of you who doesn't, the morning shed trend apparently was this trend where people would put on face tape, you know, hydrating eye patches, and then they put on like a collagen mask, and then they'd put on like a jaw strap that's supposed to like, make your jawline sharper. And then they'd put on like a lip mask that's supposed to make your lips more plum. And they'd put all these things on their face before they go to sleep so that they'd wake up looking good or whatever. I've noticed an obsession with anti aging products. Young people who are like, I, I need to start using like an anti wrinkle cream. Like, so I'm gonna start it this week. Like, you know, like, young people who don't need to be using anti aging products are like doing a little get ready with me and in showing their, their wrinkle cream and it's like, what the fuck's going on in. Another abundant genre of content is weight loss related content. I think probably influenced by the sort of Hollywood Ozempic weight loss collective moment. And I think the most toxic part about the sort of weight loss content is that a lot of it is clickbaited in a way that's really naughty. It's not about health. It's like a TikTok video where in the beginning of it it's like teeny tiny waist workout. And it's like the first frame is like somebody who has a teeny tiny waist being like, look at my teeny tiny waist. And then they do like sit ups or it'll be like what I eat in a day. And like the first clip will be like somebody who has like a six pack and they're like flexing. Do you know what I mean? People are tapping into common insecurities in using it as clickbait. And listen, I'm not even saying that it's wrong to want to look a certain way. You can do whatever the fuck you want and I can do what? Whatever the fudge I want. We can all do whatever the fudge we want. Isn't that wonderful? I'm not judging people who have a 90 step skincare routine and go to sleep with like 50 different products on their face and in the morning they have to spend 15 minutes peeling it all off. Like, that's not necessarily wrong. Okay, if that makes you happy, do it. If you genuinely love how you look when you have lip filler, get fudgeing lip filler. If you want to get your nose done because your nose has always bothered you, get your nose. Like only we can can make those decision. But I think number one that the content can get toxic, especially if the person creating the content is tapping into people's insecurities. And also it gets tricky when you as an individual are consuming this content and it's fucking with your head. Like, I don't think it's necessarily wrong for someone to vlog their experience going and getting their, their lips done or their boobs done. I think we should all do it in hopes of helping other people and making other people feel better about themselves, which some of this content is not. Anyone who's posting content and has bad intentions, I just want to go viral and be famous and I'll do whatever I can to get there. And if that means taking advantage of people's insecurities, I'll do that. Obviously I don't believe in that. So it almost comes down to, to us as consumers In a way, how are we impacted by this content? Because there's more of it than ever. So we all need to ask ourselves, how does this type of content make us feel? Now that I'm not being exposed to it anymore as much, it's clear to me that it does not impact me in a positive way. It causes me to be more obsessed with my appearance in a way that brings me misery. But I think that this is such a severe societal issue for two reasons. Number one, because I think we all underestimate the power of the content we consume and how it impacts our thoughts and behaviors. Like, we all know that it's bad to scroll a lot and that it makes us feel bad and that we should get off our phone and that we should touch grass. But I think a lot of young people especially, fail to truly grasp how severe the problem really is. It's like when you're a kid and your parents are constantly telling you what you can and can't do. Don't drive fast. Don't stay out late. All of the things that your parents are saying when you're young is correct. But when you're young, you're like, shut the fuck up. Like, I don't want to listen to you. That same. Like, I think a lot of young people have that feeling about Internet usage. Like, young people are sick of psychologists going on podcasts and saying, well, the phone's really bad for your brain. Like, young people are like, who cares? I'm still going to go on my fucking phone, shut the fuck up. And so when I talk about it, even I'm like, I sound like your mom telling you what to do. It's almost like it's something that people need to figure out on their own. On top of that, I think content about how to look better, content of people who look really good, this type of content is particularly addicting. There's something so satisfying about watching this type of content. It feels like it taps into the same side of the brain that likes watching drama videos or gory videos. It's almost like eating like a Twinkie. Like, you don't feel good after you eat it, but there's something about it in the moment that's so wonderful. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if that's a good metaphor. Maybe that's actually a toxic metaphor, but there's something particularly consuming about this type of content. And on top of that, I think the way it makes us feel, which is focused on our appearance, is, weirdly, a form of escapism Hear me out. If you're consuming content that causes you to become more obsessed with your appearance, being obsessed with your appearance is a hobby. It's a distraction from other things in life. When I look back at the time in my life when I was struggling with this, it was one of the only things I thought about. And there's something addicting about that and weirdly comforting about that. It's harder than ever to feel grounded and in control in our lives because when we're chronically online, our reality is so chaotic, because the Internet is so chaotic and there's so much information all the time. And being in control of our appearance gives us the illusion of being in control of our lives. And I think if we're chronically online, this is just sort of a natural thing to cling to, to give us a sense of control. And maybe I'm just fucking talking out of my ass and none of this makes sense and I should shut the fuck up. But I think the first step to solving a problem like this is being aware of it. And the only reason why I'm this aware of it is because I went through this sort of journey already having an unhealthy relationship with the Internet, distancing myself and. And then discovering all of these different positive mindset shifts as time has gone on. And this is just one of those things. But if I hadn't made that lifestyle shift, who knows if I would have noticed this on my own? But I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm not going to give you any specific advice. Being aware of it is the first step, and you can do the rest or not. At the end of the day with all this shit, whether it's Internet addiction, nicotine addiction, being in a shitty relationship, it's having shitty friends with all of these things. People can tell you a thousand times how to quit, but ultimately you're the one who has to do it. You need to figure it out. Just know that you're not alone in it. Even now that I don't scroll anymore, sometimes little things will pop up on my side of the Internet. There are even little brief moments where I get sucked into it. No one's safe. It is an incredibly challenging time to be on the Internet. It takes a lot of strength and discipline to not let it ruin your life. And that's all I have to say for today. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did new episodes every Thursday and Sunday. Come hang out. You can watch video episodes on YouTube and Spotify listen, anywhere Anything Goes is on social media. At Anything Goes, I'm on social media machamberlain and my coffee company is online and in the world at Chamberlain Coffee. I love you all. I appreciate you all and I am sending you love and strength through the air. So I hope that you feel it. And that's it. I'll talk to you all soon and goodbye for now.