← anything goes with emma chamberlain
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- [00:00]
Emma Chamberlain
Well, hey there and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything, and I mean anything you want advice on, and then I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topic is the unfortunate reality that not everyone's going to like you. Listen, I am one of those people that wants to be liked by everyone. And that's why for majority of my life I've been a yes man and a people pleaser. Because I don't like when people don't like me. That bothers me. And I know people who don't care, or at least they're pretty good at pretending like they don't care. I'm not one of those people. However, over the course of my life, I've gotten better, you know, accepting the fact that not everyone's gonna like me. But I know that this is challenging. So without further ado, let's get into it.
- [00:53]
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- [01:04]
Emma Chamberlain
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- [01:09]
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- [01:41]
Emma Chamberlain
Now back to the episode. All right. Somebody said, every time I think I made a girl best friend connection, I end up getting ghosted. My female friendships never stick. I don't know what to do. What I'm about to say might come off as harsh, but I promise you it's not meaning to be harsh. Sometimes when you notice a pattern in your life with other people, like I keep going on dates and they're terrible, or I keep getting in fights with my family members or et cetera, et cetera, when you notice a pattern, sometimes it can be effective to ask yourself if you're the problem. Now listen, asking yourself if you're the problem is not necessarily self deprecating. It's not necessarily an act of self hatred. It can be an opportunity for growth, character development. It's not a bad idea to ask yourself if it's you. Are you the reason why these Friendships aren't working out. Listen, you might do soul searching and come to the conclusion that no, it's not you, and that it's perhaps something else, which we'll discuss in a second. What, what that else could be. But it's not a bad idea to sit yourself down and go through all of the friendships and try to figure out what went wrong. Is it possible that maybe your sense of humor is a bit harsh? Maybe you make jokes that without you even realizing it, are actually kind of hurtful? Perhaps upon reflection, you're actually kind of a clingy friend. You text your friends a lot, multiple times a day. Your friends don't text you that often, so you're definitely the dominant texter in the relationship. Maybe you're a little bit clingy or a little bit, I don't even want to use the word overbearing, but a little bit too involved for the average comfortability of a friend. Perhaps upon reflection, you realize that when your personality started to come out and maybe you're a really outgoing, loud, brash sort of person, your friends started to pull away. Now listen, I know that it's uncomfortable and painful to have these sort of self reflection sessions, but if you can go into it with the perspective that we are all works in progress, we are all on a journey to become the best people, and in this sort of situation, best friends we can be. It's actually good news and productive news if upon reflection you find something to work on. Because not only does that show that you're a person that is capable of self reflection, which is not easy to do, but also you're on the path to improvement, to making meaningful friendships down the line. This is a really positive, productive, awesome thing if you can try your best to take your ego out of it. Because our ego tries to convince us that we need to be perfect and that we are perfect and that everyone else is the problem and that if we're the problem, we're a failure and we're terrible. And so that's not an option. If you can keep your ego at bay, good can come out of it. So I really encourage you to self reflect. And if you discover something, don't run away from it, don't hide from it, don't try to make an excuse like, oh no, no wait, I found something that I might have done wrong. But wait, no, but it's not that bad and it's not my fault and it's actually their fault. Don't reframe it, don't run away from it. Don't hide from it. It's kind of exciting if you find something because it's something to work on. So that's step one. Step two, if you discover what might have went wrong, maybe go back to your friends that you've lost. Maybe not all of them, but the ones where you feel comfortable and try to reopen the friendship or just recognize, hey, you know, I've been reflecting on the end of our friendship and I think this is what I did. Like, I think this is what went wrong. I would love to grab lunch, I would love to grab dinner, I'd love to go on a hike and, and catch up and you know, talk more about what went wrong and potentially, you know, try to open up the friendship again if you're open to it. And see, see what your, your, you know, ex friends, if you will. I mean they're not really ex friends. I guess they are kind of ex friends. See what your ex friends say. This could be an opportunity to learn more about yourself as a friend and how you can improve. It could also be the restart of the friendship, which could be a beautiful thing. If you sit down for a self reflection session and you don't find anything genuinely, nothing comes up. You're like, I did everything right. I wasn't overly clingy, I wasn't brash, I wasn't rude, I wasn't like, like it doesn't make sense to you still why things went wrong. To start, I would recommend analyzing the types of people that you're trying to be friends with. There's a chance that your type is not good for you. It's the same thing as dating, like for so many years. My type in guys was not good for me. I like to date guys that were avoidant and kind of non committal, kind of emotionally unavailable. Like I loved that vibe. I thought it was hot, mysterious, couldn't get enough of it. But that's why I kept ending up in situations that were terrible for me mentally because my type was bad for me. And so when, when I realized that and was like, okay, wait, I need to be going for guys that are emotionally available, like me back, et cetera, I started to have more success in dating. And dating didn't take as much of a horrible emotional toll on me. This sort of thing might be happening with you and friends. Perhaps you are trying to be friends with the most popular girls in school. The most popular girls in school tend to be less like. Like friendship comes so easily to them, you know, that they maybe at times can stereotypically be less loyal friends. Now that's not always true, right? Sometimes people are popular because they're genuinely cool people and they're genuinely friends with everyone. That's great. Sometimes popular people are popular because everyone thinks that they're cool. Maybe they have a good sense of personal style. Maybe they like cool music. Maybe they're sort of the trendsetter in their character might be a bit less favorable for for deep friendship. Do you see what I'm saying? Maybe you're trying to be friends with people who are really shy. Like maybe you're attracted to people who are shy and perhaps you're trying to be friends with introverts who don't really like to have super deep friendships. Maybe deep friendships are exhausting for them. Do you see what I'm saying? Like, try to figure out if there's a chance that the types of friends that you're trying to make are the wrong types of friends for you, the wrong types of people for the types of friendships that you want to have. Another thing you could do if you self reflected and discovered nothing is go and ask some of your ex friends what happened. I kind of mentioned that earlier. Be like, hey, I'm trying to figure out what went wrong so that I can be a better friend moving forward. What happened? And that's my advice. Okay, moving on.
- [09:08]
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- [10:20]
Emma Chamberlain
That's better.
- [10:20]
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- [10:24]
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- [10:36]
Emma Chamberlain
I hate that.
- [10:37]
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- [10:37]
Emma Chamberlain
Terrible.
- [10:38]
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- [10:41]
Emma Chamberlain
We will face this together as a family.
- [10:46]
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- [10:54]
Emma Chamberlain
Somebody said my bestie has another really close friend that always tries to prove that they are closer than my bestie. And I. I tried to be nice, so I initiated a slumber party for the three of us. But the whole time, the other girl kept going on and on about how close they are and I felt pushed away. I don't think my BFF noticed though, because she only says these things to me. What should I do? I would say there's three options and two of them are preferred and one is an option, but I'm not obsessed with it. So let's start with the two preferable options. Option one, talk to the other bestie. Okay. Not your bestie. Your bestie's other bestie. Figure out a way that you feel is appropriate to have a one on one conversation with this person. It might mean texting on the side and being like, hey, like, I kind of want to talk to you about something. Can we talk on the phone? It might be inviting this other bestie to dinner. Find a way to get this person alone and then lay your heart out. Say, say everything that you're feeling. I think from a tone perspective, it's best to be like, hey, you know, I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but I've just been noticing that there's a bit of maybe competition or tension between us because of our mutual friendship with so and so. And to be honest, it. It makes it really a bummer when we all hang out and you know, we have the potential to all be good friends. I really want to know if there's anything I can do to make this a comfortable, fun friendship. And you can also go into saying, like, listen, I respect your friendship with our bestie. I am not jealous of that friendship. I want that friendship to thrive on its own. That friendship does not detract from mine. But on the other hand, I would hope that you feel the same about my friendship with our bestie. These are two separate friendships and not one detracts from the other. And it is not a competition. If there's a way that we can find a way to feel confident with our own individual friendships with our bestie. That would be better for everyone. That's sort of what I would say. Like, something along the lines of that. Something casual but deeply truthful. Not beating around the bush, just saying it how it is, but in a way that is gentle and not super accusatory. I did do a bit of accusing there, so maybe it could have been worded better because I was like, I don't feel threatened by your friendship. Maybe you shouldn't feel threatened by mine. Like, that. That maybe. Maybe you could word that better and be more like, I think it would be healthy if we both found a way to not feel threatened by the other's relationship. You know what I mean? Like, make it about the both of you. So that's option one. Have a conversation with the other bestie. Now, how it goes is out of our control, right? The other bestie might respond great to this and be like, you know what? You're right. I do feel threatened by your friendship with our bestie. And it. It really makes me feel jealous. And I just think that you're really cool, and it makes me feel bad about myself and mad about the friendship. But you're right, you know, that's unnecessary and unhealthy, and I'm really gonna work on it. Great. Great. And through that vulnerable conversation, if it goes well, you might end up becoming friends with your bestie's bestie, and things might turn out beautifully. It also might go sour. And your bestie's bestie might be like, fuck you. Like, I've been friends with this girl longer. You shouldn't even be friends with my bestie. Like, I don't even know I have my besties friends with you. Like, who knows? Like, it could go really sour. In which case you just need to separate your friendships with your bestie. Don't try to combine it anymore. Just keep it separate, and that's fine. Like, sometimes that's what's got to happen, right? So that's option one. Option two is to not even try to have a conversation and instead just avoid the other bestie. So basically what I just said, keep the friendship separate. I feel like chances are this could work out seamlessly where you wouldn't even need to really bring it up to anyone. Like, every time there's maybe, like, a dinner where it's going to be your bestie and her other bestie, maybe you're like, oh, you know what? I'm going to skip out on this one. You know, and then you can make your own plans with your bestie. Do you see what I'm saying? Like, that might just be the, the best approach. It's subtle, it's non confrontational, and not everyone's gonna be friends with everyone. You know what I mean? Not everyone's gonna get along. And so sometimes it's best to just give people space. And maybe that's the best option in this situation. Option three, which is not my favorite, but it might work for you, so I'm bringing it up anyway. Option three is to discuss with your bestie, to sit your bestie down and explain the whole situation. Be like, listen, I love you, I adore you, and I want you to be happy. You're friends with me and you're friends with this other bestie. How many times did I just say bestie? 5,000. I need to start using a new word. I don't. You know, you can say, I don't want to cause drama. I don't want to. I don't want to be the problem. But I've been noticing that when the three of us hang out, you know, there's a bit of passive aggressiveness, there's a bit of jealousy, there's a bit of weirdness with your other best friend, and it makes it really hard to hang out as a group. I wanted to bring it to you and ask you what you suggest because, you know the both of us really well and, you know, I don't want to make you feel like you're in the middle of it, but you might be able to help me come up with some sort of solution. You know, I think the key is to not put her in the middle of it and to make sure that she knows that you understand if, like, she doesn't drop that friend just because that friend is sort of being passive aggressive with you, you know what I'm saying? Like, that creates tension between you and your bestie and your bestie and their other bestie. That creates weird friendship tension. I just always try to handle issues directly when I can. And technically this is an issue between you and your bestie's other friend. So it's best to handle it directly if possible, or to take matters into your own hands and sort of figure out, okay, you know, how can I distance myself from that other friend? And the last thing you want to do is cause stress or grief for your friend when they're not necessarily doing anything. They're not doing anything wrong, you know, and arguably, right, it's like, we want to be Friends with people who have good taste in people. And you don't want to cause drama. You want to problem solve. You're trying to avoid drama. You're trying to create less drama. And I feel like there's a risk of causing drama if you bring your friend into the middle of it. And I think your friend would really appreciate if you went out of your way to keep them out of the drama.
- [17:53]
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- [17:55]
Emma Chamberlain
You know that this episode is brought to you by State Farm Insurance may.
- [18:00]
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- [18:02]
Emma Chamberlain
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- [18:13]
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- [18:16]
Emma Chamberlain
When it comes to getting the help you need, State Farm is the real deal. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Now back to the episode. Okay, next, somebody said, I've tried to be civil with a girl who's a mutual friend, but it's never worked out. And she seems like she just hates me. Do I just accept that this is tough? What do I do when someone just seems to not like me for no reason? But they're in my space, they're adjacent to me? This is a different question than the last one. It's similar, but it's different because it's about seemingly irrational hatred towards you, right? Which is different than the last question, which was like, hey, my, you know, bestie has another bestie. And there's a bit of jealousy going on, a bit of passive aggressiveness, a bit of competitiveness. Like, there's at least a reason for that tension, right? So I think there's a few options. Once again, option one is to sit this person down. Now, again, this is not fun. It is an act of bravery. But I do think it can be worth the effort. Again, it comes down to finding the right time, finding the right place, and laying your heart out to them and saying, listen, not everyone's gonna like everyone in this life, but we're mutual friends, you know, Like, I'd love to be able to hang out and it'd be cool. And I just wanna know if it's something I did or if it's just me as a person. Like, help me just understand what's going on so that, number one, I can improve as a person, but number two, I can better understand how to interact with you. And I think if you lay your heart out like that, you can feel confident that you did the best that you could. That's something to be really proud of. But what do you do depending on how they respond? Well, if they respond warmingly and lovingly and say, you know what? Like, I don't know, I guess I never really got the chance to get to know you. And now that we're chatting, like, you actually seem pretty cool. And, you know, I'm sorry about all that. That's best case scenario, and that's actually not unlikely. A lot of times we think we don't like somebody because maybe we had one bad interaction or maybe because we heard one bad rumor, or maybe because, you know, we just got a weird vibe and we can't really explain it, but we just got a weird vibe. And sometimes those premonitions are correct and sometimes they're not. I would say it's a 50, 50 chance. So there's a chance that you might have this conversation with this person. Then. Then they'll be like, wait, you're actually cool and I'm sorry. And that's the best case scenario. Now the worst case scenario is that they're like, I don't like your vibe. I mean, be kind of shocking if they said that to your face, but I mean, it's better that they say that to your face than try to, like, sugarcoat it or say, like, I don't know, nothing's wrong. Like, what's your problem? Like, that vibe sucks. And that might happen as well, but that sucks because it's completely useless. You know, you just laid your heart out. They're leaving their walls up and just saying, like, no, nothing's wrong. Like, what's wrong with you? It's like, ew, that's so annoying. I hope, I would hope that this person would at least communicate back with you and be honest with you. If they're not, then there's kind of nothing you can do. Like, if they don't give you any. Any information at all, if they just play it cool and keep their walls up, I mean, yeah, there's nothing you can do. There's no action item. Well, except for learning to accept that not everyone's gonna like you. That's the action item at that point. But if they say something like, well, the first time I met you, like, you were really cold, or like, you made a joke that kind of offended me, or like, you, blah, blah, blah. If they. If they're able to give you something that's an incredible nugget of knowledge about how you can improve as. As a person, and that's really useful once again. And then you have an action item and you can promise them and say, I'm gonna work on this. And I appreciate you letting me know. And I wish you would've let me know sooner because I wanna be a good person. And you can extend an olive branch and say, I'm sorry for what went wrong. And I really wanna try to be cool, you know? So that's sort of option number one. Option number two is to just leave it alone and accept it. Here's the thing. It is inevitable that in life, sometimes people are not gonna like you for no apparent reason and vice versa. You're not gonna like other people. I wish that I was some sort of saint who loved everyone who hasn't wronged me. That's not true. There are times when I meet people and I just don't like them. And I kind of feel bad saying that, but I also don't because it's out of my control. Do I treat them with disrespect? Absolutely not. I've done a lot of work in my life to. Well, I mean, I've also just always been a people pleaser. So. I mean, I feel like I'm pretty good at hiding the fact that I don't like somebody. But I know what it feels like to just simply not like someone for no reason. And I know it's not that personal. I know it's just a weird instinctual thing. And so when I notice that other people just, for whatever reason, don't seem to like me, I try to remember my own experience with that and how it really isn't that deep and it's not that personal. It's more about the individual who doesn't like the person for no reason than it is about the person who's being disliked for no reason. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes it just happens. I think the key is to just keep a safe distance from those who don't seem to like you. You know, leave them alone and accept that this is just a part of life and being social with other human beings, it's just a part of it. Okay, next. Somebody said, there's this girl in my friend group that constantly puts me down and talks bad about me. I love my other friends, but she makes me feel really bad. What do I do? I think my advice is kind of getting redundant here. But I do think you should try to confront the girl first. Why not? Like, what do you have to lose at this point? You're in a situation that is so uncomfortable that you're probably like, if it doesn't improve, you're probably gonna have to leave the friend group. You can't have somebody around you all the time who's talking shit about you. Like, go confront this girl and be like, what's going on? We're all in the same friend group. We all want to have fun and hang. Like, why are you doing this to me? I know what you're doing. It's unfair and it's not cool, and it's not being a good friend. Like, what's the problem? Chances are she's jealous of you for some reason. It also might be that she just really doesn't like you. But the fact that she's putting you down and talking bad about you, I mean, chances are she's probably jealous of you. And I think a conversation that's disarming and honest, invulnerable from your end, might humanize you in the eyes of her in a way that softens her towards you. But if that doesn't work out, either because she doesn't respond to it well or because you're too nervous to do it or you don't feel comfortable doing it, then you could try to discuss it with your friends. Now, again, it gets a little bit complicated when you have an issue with somebody directly and then you bring in middlemen. Then you're. You're sort of creating drama with people who. Who don't necessarily need to be involved in drama. And that can sometimes cause more harm than good. However, and I. I gave this advice earlier. Your group of friends know you both really well. So sitting your friend group down and being like, hey, you know us both really well. How should I handle this situation? Is not necessarily a bad idea. But I think, once again, the key is to be like, listen, I don't want to put you guys in the middle of this, but this is something I'm really struggling with. And to be honest, if I don't figure out a solution, I might not be able to hang out with you guys anymore when this person's around because it's too upsetting for me and it makes me feel too bad about myself. Again, I'm not asking you guys, my friends, to, like, drop this other friend and to choose me. I'm just asking for advice on how to handle it because I'm at a point now where I've hit my limit. Best case scenario, it all gets sorted. Perhaps your friends give you good advice. Maybe they give you advice on how to talk to this other friend. And then you gain the courage and go and talk to the other friend and the problem gets solved. Maybe your friends hear this news and they're like, you know what? We don't want to hang out with this person anymore anyway. They've been kind of mean to us too. Maybe it's best that we just kind of start drifting away from this friendship and looking for a group that is more supportive all around. I mean, you could also develop your friendships with individuals in the friend group intimately. Like you could go to dinner with just one or two of the members of the group. I mean, that sometimes causes horrible drama though. But yeah, I mean, I think at that point you need to rethink your friendships. Maybe you're only friends with that group when that other person isn't around. Maybe you go find a new group altogether. But you can't exist in this friend group when you're under attack by someone. You just can't. So you gotta do something about it. You know, you, you don't have to just accept it. It's one thing if someone, someone just doesn't like you and inevitably they're around you sometimes. Cause they're like a mutual friend or there's somebody you work with or whatever, or they're maybe your significant other's family member. You know, there are times when we have to be around people who don't like us, right? And in that situation, it's like you do the best that you can, right? But when you're actively choosing to be a member of a group of friends and an active member in the group is not being nice to you, that's something that you can walk away from. If you're like dating someone and their mom doesn't really like you. Okay, well, if you only see their mom twice a year, it's like that's manageable. And you know, the same advice applies. You can have a conversation with them, you can try to solve the problem, but if it doesn't get fixed, you know, you're not seeing them all the time. It's unfortunate that they don't like you, but you're not seeing them all the time. This is something that requires your attention because it's in your day to day life. And so just accepting it is not. I don't think that that's a solution because this is really impacting your day to day existence. Okay, next. Somebody said, my sports friends always meet up without me and I feel so left out. What do I do? Well, to start, I would try to initiate plans with them first. Just try and see what happens. Maybe they think that you, you're busy all the time. Maybe because a few times you said like, oh, I can't hang out. Oh, I can't hang out. And now they're just like, eh, we don't want to invite her anymore. Maybe they don't know what you would be like to hang out with outside of sports. And because they haven't tried it, they're like, well, we're comfortable in our routine. Like, we'll, we'll see her at practice. You know, maybe they just don't know what it'd be like to hang out with you. And because they haven't really done it outside of practice and nothing's. It's not really inspiring to them to try. Like, that's not necessarily personal to you. That's just how friend groups are sometimes. You know what I mean? So maybe you could initiate something with them, Invite them all to dinner, invite them all to a birthday party, like, do something and have a good time with them outside of sports and show them, like, hey, look, I'm fun. You know, not that you should have to prove that to anyone, but I think sometimes we can get into routines and friend groups where it's like, oh, this is our, this is our sports friend. And then this is our sports. And outside of sports friends, like, people just get into weird routines, especially young people, you know, and so I think if you initiate something and show them, hey, look, they might realize, oh, wait, what have we been doing? Like, let's start inviting her. Some people might disagree with me and say if they wanted to, they would, and if you're not being included, fuck them. Make new friends. But it's. If you want to give it one last effort and see what happens, I don't think that's a terrible idea. Now let's say you do that and they, they continue to not invite you to stuff. At that point, I think it makes sense to make some new friends on the team. Like talk to people on the team, the sports team that you don't usually talk to, um, branch out and simultaneously find a way to not take it too personally. Unfortunately, friendship can be unfair, it can be cruel. It's like dating. It's like love. It's like it, it's not always going to be fair and, and it's gonna break your heart sometimes, and that's okay. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to ask yourself like, well, what did I do wrong? But a lot of times it's just not a Click. And that just means you need to go hunting for a group that you will click with, and chances are you'll find it. A lot of times groups of people just have a certain chemistry that works, and adding other people into it doesn't. Not because the people trying to get added in or the people, you know, attempting whatever. Like, not because those people are bad people, but just because it doesn't feel right. Sometimes that's all it is. You'll see it as an opportunity to find people you click with who will treat you right. Okay. Somebody said, when I'm out, I feel like the guys I think are cute always choose my friends over me. And it makes me feel like shit. Help. Well, I completely understand this feeling because when I was in high school, out of my. My group of friends, I feel like I was in. Okay, we had a big group, and I feel like half of the group, all the guys liked. And then half of the group the guys wanted to be friends with, and I was in the half of the group that the boys wanted to be friends with. Now does that mean I didn't ever get any action? No. Like, I. I kissed a few boys here and there. Never had a boyfriend. Could never keep him around for that long or couldn't get him in the first place. Um, I would win every once in a while, but it was always after all of my other friends rejected them. Do you know what I mean? Like, I was not the first choice. I think step one is learning to accept that dating is complicated and at times, unfair. Like I said about friendship earlier, like, the story is rarely gonna end how you want it to. Rejection is inevitable. And the reward for dealing with the unfairness is the potential for a really deep and meaningful relationship, because that is out there, whether it's romantic or platonic. Deep, meaningful relationships are out there. But unfortunately, you have to deal with an unfair circumstance in order to find it. It's not gonna be all sunshine and rainbows along the way. You're gonna get rejected by friends. You're gonna get rejected by people you think are hot. You're gonna get rejected left and right. You're gonna reject people and not think twice about it, and they're gonna think a trillion times about it. Like, that's just how this works. Life in general is unfair, but relationships in general, the building of relationships, the social landscape, is not always fair. I think it's really helpful to try to come to terms with that. But in tandem with that, it's important to remember that everyone is on their own journey with it. Okay, Your friends may seem to have more options, but that doesn't mean that you don't have a great option out there for you. Your process of finding it just might be a little different. And that's fine. Everyone, if they want to, is going to end up with someone. There are a lot of people on this planet, and if you want to find someone to be with, there's someone out there for you. It's important to remember that everyone's journey is going to look a little different. And not one journey is better than the other. You might think your friends have it made, but the type of guys that are coming up to them might be just basing their interest on looks and lust and nothing deep. And that might lead to heartbreak for your friends, okay? And they might envy you. Somebody who maybe doesn't get as much attention at first, like just off the bat at a bar, but after a conversation has a really meaningful experience with somebody. Do you see what I'm saying? The grass is always greener. No journey is the right journey. So we all just have to stay in our own lane and focus on our own journey to finding deep, meaningful romantic relationships. Okay? And, you know, I have a suggestion for this specific sort of dilemma. When you're at a party with your friends and all of a sudden some guys come up and start flirting with a few of your friends, and you're not really getting a lot of attention, you know what you do? You politely excuse yourself, hey, wait, I'll see you guys in a minute. Go chat with some other guys. Go make the first move. Listen, I'm terrible at making the first move, so I'm like, being a hypocrite right now. I literally never make the first move. I'm always just waiting around who's going to talk to me? I've never. I have made the first move, like, once and, like, been the first one to sort of, like, put out a hand and be like, hey, like, once, out of all the guys I've dated, they've all come to me first because I just can't. I hate it. But I'm okay with waiting for, you know, people to come to me first. And listen, Sometimes it takes a long time, but if you're feeling really frustrated by this and you want to take action in some way or figure something out, go on your own journey at these parties, at these bars, at these, whatever, you know, when you're out with your friends, go on your own journey, find your own guy to talk to. And it doesn't need to be somebody you think is hot that's not always going to be available. It might just be somebody who seems like a cool hang. Don't just sit around and be like, why are they choosing my friends instead of me? No, get your ass up and find someone to talk to. Honestly, it would probably develop my character so much to go do that. It would be a really beautiful thing. So that's my suggestion to you. And that's it. That is it for today's advice session. I hope that you loved it. I hope that you got something out of it if you did. Have no fear. New episodes of advice session every other Sunday and new episodes of Anything Goes, this podcast every Thursday and Sunday, twice a week. Okay. Put it on your calendar. Find Anything Goes on social media at Anything Goes. Find me on the Internet machamberlain. And find my coffee company on the Internet and in the world at Chamberlain Coffee. I love you all. I appreciate you all. You're awesome. And it's okay when people don't like you. That doesn't mean that you're not awesome. It might mean you. You need to improve on some stuff a little bit sometimes, which is not a bad thing. But you're. You're still awesome, and don't forget that. Okay? I love you all. Talk to you in a few days. And until then, stay safe and. And have a little bit of fun for me out there. Talk to you later.