33 - Left of the Dial: The Passenger

Summary

Archive 81 – Episode 33: "Left of the Dial: The Passenger"

Podcast by Dead Signals | May 1, 2019

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Episode Overview

The first episode of the "Left of the Dial" arc sets out on a surreal, horror-tinged road trip, blending the folk horror of Americana highways with existential questions about identity, bodies, and the mysteries lurking in liminal spaces. Nicholas and Static Man—two uneasy companions—travel through a shifting, treacherous landscape, performing an esoteric "body ritual" as they search for an empty, habitable body. Ritual, memory, and monstrous geography blend into a hallucinatory ride through the American subconscious.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Ritual and the Road (00:17–05:12)

• Setup & Ritual Preparation:
  Nicholas and Static Man prepare an intricate ritual involving a vintage car, a blood-infused fuel mixture, an altered highway map, and a stuffed glove compartment. (“Fuel tank contains a mixture that is 12 parts gasoline and one part blood.” – Nicholas, 01:01)
• Metaphysical Stakes:
  Static Man, a being of static and disembodied consciousness, needs the ritual to inhabit a real body and escape his liminal state:

  "I want this to work out, you know, I want to live in an actual body, not in a weird staticy tee vee."
  — Static Man (01:58)

• Recording as Existence:
  Nicholas has jury-rigged a recorder to ensure Static Man's existence continues, transmitting the journey somewhere unknown, reminiscent of past experiences with Daniel Powell.

2. Crossing Over & The Strange Highway (04:20–06:31)

• Reality Distorts:
  The duo drives out of the mundane world and into an uncanny highway:

  “Dude, trees are not supposed to be that color.”
  — Static Man (04:20)
  “Long stretch of highway. Mesas jutting out at odd unearthly angles.”
  — Nicholas (05:06)

• The Radio Ritual:
  A ban is placed on touching the radio dial—central to the ritual. As they listen, the broadcasts quickly turn bizarre and ominous, including 35 minutes of “radiator sounds from Cleveland St. Mercy Hospital in 1984.”

3. Surreal Americana & The Threat of Trucker (06:43–18:28)

• Radio as Oracle:
  The radio plays nonsensical advertisements and strange monologues (e.g., Moody Marvin offering "the low, low price of your ability to enjoy music" or a dentist who promises “as many teeth as you want”).
• Personal Hauntings:
  The radio emits the voice of Nicholas' mother, deeply unnerving him.

  “That was my mother. Why did the radio play my mother's voice?”
  — Nicholas (08:38)

• The Antlered Creature Incident:
  After a frightening near-accident, Nicholas and Static Man encounter a glowing, antlered rabbit-like creature, which they must put out of its misery—an act heavy with ritualistic implication and unease (09:13–11:16).
• Entrance of Trucker:
  A mysterious entity, Trucker, confronts them via radio.

  “Turn off your radio. Make Huey go back home.”
  — Trucker (15:10)
  He warns Nicholas that their presence is a corrupting force (“…like your father did before you. And I will see your bodies crushed beneath my wheels before I let you despoil the blacktop any further.” – Trucker, 16:15).

4. Liminal Logic and Body Horror (20:00–24:07)

• Rules of Existence:
  The duo discusses whether Static Man can exist when not recorded, and how the ritual’s rules constrict their actions and being.

  “You still only exist while being recorded, which is why the recorder is always on.”
  — Nicholas (20:18)

• Strange Radio Culture:
  The radio broadcasts turn from sports talk to market reports on hair color and mother’s values ("Your mother is down by 12.943").
• Moody’s Family-Friendly Diner:
  They stop at a diner existing outside of normal space, with a waitress who serves food in exchange for "the pleasure of your company" instead of currency, memories, or body parts (26:20–26:43).

5. Dance of Survival (28:52–31:34)

• The Jukebox Incident:
  Static Man inadvertently triggers a compulsion to dance by touching a haunted jukebox. Nicholas must awkwardly dance with the waitress while instructions blare from the Moody Marvin mascot.

  “When the mascot tells you to dance, you dance.”
  — Moody’s Staff (30:24)

• Consequences of Ritual:
  Successful (if grudging) compliance saves them from uncertain, possibly dire consequences.

6. The Motel and Existential Melancholy (39:53–end)

• Radio Philosophy:
  An extended monologue explores conspiracy belief, meaninglessness, and story as a salve for existential dread:

  “All belief systems are inherently distractions. Stories we tell ourselves to keep from thinking about things we'd rather not think about. But the stories are so important, so vital. In a sense, they're more important than…”
  — Interviewer (38:50–39:53)

• Rest Stop in the Void:
  The episode closes at Moody’s Family-Friendly Motel, where the waitress reappears, the cycle of ritual and survival seemingly unending.
• Sponsorbot delivers an ironic outro on free will, consumerism, and narrative inevitability.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Static Man, on body and existence:

  “I want to live in an actual body, not in a weird staticy tee vee. Whatever it is I actually am.”
  (01:58)

• Nicholas, on the ritual’s ambiguity:

  “The Body Ritual. When I put it together, it's about purification. Unsurprisingly difficult to put into words beyond that though.”
  (07:50)

• Trucker, setting the episode’s central threat:

  “You may call yourselves explorers, but this is not a virgin territory. It never is. You will warp everything you touch, Nicholas, like your father did before you.” (16:15)

• Moody’s waitress, on currency:

  “This particular Moody's establishment does not require payment of either currency, memories, hair color, blood, semen, eggs, emotions, desires, or body parts. All we require is the pleasure of your company.” (26:43)

• Philosophical radio monologue:

  “Stories we tell ourselves to keep from thinking about things we'd rather not think about. But the stories are so important, so vital. In a sense, they're more important than…”
  (39:37–39:53)

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Timeline of Important Segments (Timestamps)

• 00:17—Nicholas & Static Man begin setting up the ritual in the car
• 01:01—Description of ritual ingredients
• 02:11—Nicholas explains the necessity of continuous recording
• 04:20—Crossing over into the uncanny landscape
• 05:50—First bizarre radio broadcast
• 08:23—Nicholas hears his mother's voice through the radio
• 09:44—Encounter with the antlered, glowing creature
• 15:10—Trucker issues a threat and lays down the moral conflict
• 20:18—Existential debate on Static Man’s existence tied to being recorded
• 26:43—Moody’s diner explains unusual terms of payment
• 29:09—Moody Marvin/Mascot compels Nicholas and the waitress to dance
• 38:50–39:53—Extended philosophical monologue on stories vs. meaninglessness
• 41:01—Arrival at Moody’s Family Friendly Motel (closure of episode content)

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Tone and Style

The episode’s dialogue is playful, irreverent, and deeply weird, mixing horror, existential dread, and black humor. The banter between Nicholas and Static Man grounds the surreality, while interjections from supernatural entities and bizarre radio broadcasts heighten the dreamlike, uncanny tone with sudden shifts into the horrific or absurd.

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Conclusion

"Left of the Dial: The Passenger" launches Archive 81’s new arc with a hypnotic blend of road trip Americana and supernatural horror. By foregrounding themes of ritual, body, and existential longing, it lays the groundwork for a journey both physically and metaphysically perilous—where even a roadside diner becomes a site of cosmic negotiation, and every song or CB radio transmission might just warp your reality beyond recall.

Transcript

[Sponsorbot]

You are listening to episode one of Archive 81. Left of the dial. Buckle up.

[Static Man]

Yo, dude, is this gonna work?

[Nicholas]

Cuz, like it'll.

[Static Man]

Hell yeah, man. Listen to that baby purr. Is that what people say about cars? Anyway, Love it.

[Nicholas]

Alright, alright. Checklist.

[Static Man]

Don't you have this memorized, Nicholas? Like you came up with it?

[Nicholas]

And yet I'm still cautious. Who would have guessed? All right. We're in a four door car that was made in Detroit between the years of 1971 and 75.

[Static Man]

Oh shit. You want me to respond? Yes. Yeah. A 1972 Plymouth Roadrunner. No idea whether that's cool or not because I don't know shit about cars.

[Nicholas]

Fuel tank contains a mixture that is 12 parts gasoline and one part blood.

[Static Man]

Yeah, man, saw you bleed myself.

[Nicholas]

In the backseat there is a vintage Skelly oil highway map with all the town names crossed out in black marker.

[Static Man]

Yeah, dude, shout out to ebay.

[Nicholas]

The glove compartment is filled with discarded wrappers from no less than four fast food establishments. And the car radio has been anointed with the viscera of roadkill.

[Static Man]

Yeah, and yeah, we also have snacks and water and shit in the back, but that's not ritual related. You want me to list the fast food places?

[Nicholas]

That should be unnecessary.

[Static Man]

And the recorder's working fine.

[Nicholas]

You exist. So, yes, it appears to be working.

[Static Man]

No, like I know that, but you know, will it work once we cross over? Cause like, it should work.

[Nicholas]

It stands to reason, dude.

[Static Man]

Like I don't really want to hear should and stands to reason, you know.

[Nicholas]

Are you getting cold feet?

[Static Man]

No, no, dude, I want just. I want this to work out, you know, I want to live in an actual body, not in a weird staticy tee fee. Whatever it is. I actually am.

[Nicholas]

I'm aware. I sympathize. I have made modifications to the recorder inspired by the time it was attached to my arm. The recording should be continuous though.

[Trucker]

What?

[Static Man]

I don't like that pause, dude.

[Nicholas]

It seems the recordings will be transmitting somewhere. Unavoidable if we want to make sure you continue existing.

[Static Man]

You know, I am a fan of continuing to exist.

[Nicholas]

I guessed last time these recordings were transmitted directly to one Daniel Powell. Whereas now they'll be transmitting to God knows where. Some CB radio hobbyist or who knows. I can't be quite sure.

[Static Man]

Magic shit.

[Radio Host]

I know.

[Nicholas]

It's complex. Nevertheless, there shouldn't be any pauses in your existence. I'm sure of that.

[Static Man]

Okay, dude, I trust you. So what now?

[Nicholas]

All right, now we turn the radio.

[Trucker]

On.

[Nicholas]

And I start driving. I'm Sure. I don't need to remind you that you're not to touch the radio dial, correct? Yeah, dude, it's the entire crux of the ritual. Well, yes, it is.

[Static Man]

So when are we gonna be picking stations up? Cause like, it looks to me like we're still driving around a. In Long island parking garage.

[Nicholas]

Just wait.

[Static Man]

Oh, dude.

[Nicholas]

Yeah, probably best to keep focused on the song. Let's drive.

[Static Man]

Dude, trees are not supposed to be that color.

[Nicholas]

I don't believe those are trees. Static, man. If you could stop vibrating. It's not helping.

[Static Man]

Dude.

[Nicholas]

I'm not doing anything. It's just. I see it. Yo.

[Radio Host]

Are we.

[Nicholas]

Yes, I believe so.

[Static Man]

Man. That was really freaking weird.

[Nicholas]

Did you expect anything like it?

[Static Man]

Nah, just so fucked up. So we seen the same thing.

[Nicholas]

Long stretch of highway. Mesas jutting out at odd unearthly angles.

[Static Man]

Yeah, fucked up.

[Nicholas]

New Mexic.

[Static Man]

So the radio.

[Nicholas]

Don't touch it.

[Static Man]

Dude, I wasn't going to. I was just wondering what's going to play next.

[Nicholas]

I believe the song's back.

[Radio Host]

And that was number five on your favorite countdown. Didn't you just love that?

[Nicholas]

Of course you did.

[Radio Host]

You eat it up. You love it. Up next, number four. I know you've been waiting for it. It was number nine last week, but the fans really showed their support and it's just been climbing up the chart. You know what it is? It's 35 minutes of radiator sounds from the Cleveland St. Mercy Hospital in 1984. Get ready.

[Nicholas]

No, you're not.

[Static Man]

I'm not touching it. It's doing that on its own. Like blood and milk dispersed and diffused an infection helpover.

[Moody Marvin]

For the low, low price of your ability to enjoy music, you'll get all of the benefits available to each and every one of your family.

[Static Man]

Take swine livers and boil them well. Take bread and grate a little hard. So is there any like reason to what we're listening to? Like are you gonna order me to fight a giant Mecha version of a Cleveland radiator? I don't remember that being part of the friggin vassal relationship or whatever.

[Nicholas]

I don't believe you'll be fighting a Mecha.

[Static Man]

Because I have always wanted to do some anime shit. If that's not on the table.

[Nicholas]

You're a fan of anime?

[Static Man]

Nah man. I'm not a loser. I just watched Dragon Ball Z after school when I was a kid. And Pokemon and I like Cowboy Bebop and Neon Genesis Evangelion and mob psycho. 100 is really funny. Says one punch man. But Fullmetal Alchemist is straight trash.

[Trucker]

Huh?

[Nicholas]

I don't exactly know what you're talking about. But I don't believe we'll have to fight a giant radiator. The Body Ritual. When I put it together, it's about purification. Unsurprisingly difficult to put into words beyond that though.

[Radio Host]

Yeah.

[Nicholas]

Okay.

[Static Man]

Whatever it takes. You've never watched any.

[Nicholas]

That was. That was her.

[Static Man]

Who are you talking about?

[Nicholas]

Did you not hear that?

[Static Man]

Yo, dude. I mean, I heard some whispers.

[Nicholas]

That was my mother. That was my mother. Or her voice. It sounded exactly like her.

[Static Man]

Nicholas, That's. Yo, you should really be watching the road.

[Nicholas]

No, that was my mother. Why did the radio play my mother's voice? And what was.

[Static Man]

Dude, dude, seriously.

[Nicholas]

Watch out.

[Static Man]

Is it cool? Turn off the car. Ritually speaking, I mean.

[Nicholas]

Yes.

[Static Man]

Did you see what we hit? Because I didn't get a good look at it.

[Trucker]

No.

[Static Man]

You want to go out and check or.

[Nicholas]

I don't know. Okay. Okay.

[Static Man]

Dude, I'm gonna go out and check. Come with me. Or don't.

[Nicholas]

Probably best if we. All right. All right. Oh God. Do you know. Do you have any idea what that creature is?

[Static Man]

Not a clue, my man. Not a friggin clue. Looks like kind of a rabbit with antlers, I guess.

[Nicholas]

And the glowing.

[Static Man]

Yeah, its tail is hella weird.

[Nicholas]

Is it?

[Static Man]

Yeah, you can kinda hear its breathing.

[Trucker]

Oh God.

[Static Man]

Dude, it's not your fault at all. Like, this bug spying over here was fast. There's no way you could have swerved in time.

[Nicholas]

Thank you. But I should put it out of its misery. You sure?

[Static Man]

I can kill it for you if you want. I'm sworn to you and shit.

[Nicholas]

So it's. Wait. What is it?

[Static Man]

Damn, dude. Should we just wait?

[Trucker]

I'll take care of it.

[Static Man]

I.

[Nicholas]

You did the right thing. Are you sure? I mean.

[Static Man]

Let's say yes.

[Nicholas]

Thank you. Static Man.

[Static Man]

Did you really hear your mom's voice over the radio?

[Nicholas]

I believe so. Let's get back to the car.

[Static Man]

So we didn't just fuck ourselves by getting out of a car, right?

[Nicholas]

Like the ritual. Still. The ritual will still work. We can get out of the car anytime. But we only progress by driving and listening to the radio.

[Trucker]

Cool.

[Static Man]

And you're sure? Cuz like I'm sure getting hungry because there are snacks in the back. I even packed those shitty kashi or whatever bars you like. The ones that taste like Mother Nature's dry asshole.

[Nicholas]

Fine. Let's get going.

[Static Man]

Fine by me. And thanks for doing this body ritual for everything. I really appreciate it, man.

[Nicholas]

Of course. Happy to help.

[Radio Host]

I always felt self conscious about my teeth.

[Static Man]

I would never smile when a picture.

[Radio Host]

Was taken because, well, who would want to see me?

[Moody Marvin]

There's a better way. At Dreik Menendez Dentistry we use top of the line procedures to give you the teeth you deserve.

[Radio Host]

I never thought my smile would come back. But with Drake Menendez Dentistry, it has.

[Dentist Narrator]

I've spent over 70 years molding the mouths of creatures into what they truly desire.

[Static Man]

Yo, are you 100% certain we can't change the radio station?

[Nicholas]

Yes.

[Static Man]

Before I came to Drake Menendez Dentistry.

[Moody's Staff]

My teeth were dull and uninteresting.

[Static Man]

Now they're sharp and there are so many of them, I couldn't even tell you how many teeth are in my mouth. It's wonderful.

[Moody Marvin]

We can put put as many teeth into your gaping greedy mouth as you'd like. 30, 40, even 50 teeth and all kinds.

[Dentist Narrator]

I promise to make your mouth so full of sharp cutting teeth that you will look at this plane of existence.

[Nicholas]

Like a wolf looks at its sluggish prey.

[Static Man]

With Drake Menendez Dentistry, I got my life back. With Drake Menendez Dentistry, I'm no longer a precious model.

[Moody Marvin]

He is dissatisfactory. And we overs got a whole.

[Static Man]

What the hell is.

[Trucker]

You're not wanted here. Do you copy?

[Static Man]

Yo, who is that? Are they quiet?

[Trucker]

I said do you copy? I know you're out there. I can hear you. Sounds you make in your car. Static in the breaths. You two gonna talk to me?

[Interviewer]

It's fine.

[Trucker]

I can wait. This road stretches into the distance and I got nothing but time. We're gonna have this conversation eventually. You know we are just the way this will go down. You want to be polite and introduce your.

[Nicholas]

My name's Nicholas and this is Static. Now.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Static Man]

Hey, dude.

[Trucker]

Good. You can listen Eventually.

[Nicholas]

Happy to oblige. Now, what should we call you?

[Trucker]

Names don't mean much to me anymore, Nicholas. But you can call me Trucker if it helps. Trucker.

[Nicholas]

Lovely. Now, to what do we owe the pleasure of this conversation?

[Trucker]

Straight to the point. Good. Let's make this simple. Turn off your radio. Make Huey go back home.

[Nicholas]

Fast.

[Trucker]

As you can see.

[Static Man]

Seriously?

[Nicholas]

I'm afraid we're not gonna do that, Trucker. We've come to this place in order to accomplish a goal. And we are not going to leave until we do. So.

[Static Man]

Hell yeah. Plus, like, we don't want to lose a random limb, right?

[Nicholas]

There are some unfortunate consequences to failing this ritual. Yes, I'm sure you understand.

[Trucker]

Limbs are overrated.

[Nicholas]

I disagree.

[Trucker]

Well, I Had to give diplomacy a shot, didn't I? Trouble is, if you don't leave the blacktop, I'm going to find you. Might take a little bit, but I'm patient. And when I do find you, I'm gonna run you two down.

[Nicholas]

I'm sure we'll manage.

[Trucker]

You think that because I hear you too. I know you. Conquering sorce, a man made out of static and teeth. Your every tire mark is an infection on this lamp. Your hearts are full of desire and your thoughts are full of plunder. You may call yourselves explorers, but this is not a virgin territory. It never is. You will warp everything you touch, Nicholas, like your father did before you. And I will see your bodies crushed beneath my wheels before I let you despoil the blacktop any further. You're coming?

[Static Man]

Uh, ten.

[Interviewer]

Four.

[Static Man]

Good buddy. Sorry, I couldn't resist. Did I say it right?

[Nicholas]

I believe so. But then again, I haven't seen Smokey and the Bandit, so I couldn't be sure. Yeah.

[Static Man]

Anyway, sorry, Mr. Trucker, or whoever you are. Nicholas and I are here for a really goddamn important reason. And if you're not cool with that, well, go fuck yourself, I guess. Sorry to be off crude, but yeah, we've dealt with menacing shit. And I am totally fine with turning you into a thin paste of gore and bone if you try and mess with us.

[Trucker]

Nicholas. Does your vassal speak for you?

[Nicholas]

Yes, he speaks for me. Though I can promise to keep my interactions in this world to a minimum. In, if you would like. We're really only here for one thing. We needn't be in conflict.

[Trucker]

No, Nicholas, you're your father's son. Can't really look past that, can I? And you're gonna infect this place. No matter what you think, it's the way your heart is set. All the little decisions you don't even think about that'll add up to something poisonous. Well, just going to have to see how it all plays out then, won't we? Over and out. Teeth, teeth, teeth.

[Dentist Narrator]

Drake Menon's Dentistry is not responsible for any loss of mobility.

[Static Man]

Yo, dude. What the hell was that?

[Nicholas]

I'm not sure. But you didn't expect this to be easy, did you?

[Static Man]

I mean, it'd be nice if it was just for once. Could change a face. So your dad was here too? You didn't tell me that.

[Nicholas]

No. No, I didn't.

[Trucker]

Let's keep driving.

[Nicholas]

I had to guess. I would say four years.

[Static Man]

Four years? That's cray cray, dude.

[Nicholas]

Perhaps five.

[Static Man]

Dude, I have no clue why I'm trusting you to drive this car.

[Nicholas]

Could a car crash even hurt you based on how your body is made up?

[Static Man]

I mean, that's not the point. Nicholas, how did you go five years without driving a car?

[Nicholas]

I've been living in a city. I genuinely don't know anyone who drives a car in New York. Unless you're driving to Storm King for a two year dating anniversary.

[Static Man]

But Zipcar is a thing, man. Just keep your eyes on the road, okay?

[Nicholas]

I wasn't planning on intentionally crashing.

[Static Man]

Fine, fine. Yo, is your reporter like green again?

[Nicholas]

Ah, yes, it appears to be.

[Static Man]

Dude, eyes on the road.

[Nicholas]

But yeah.

[Static Man]

Why did the light turn green again? I mean, it wasn't like I stopped existing. Wait, there's something about this place. Can I exist without being recorded?

[Sponsorbot]

Because.

[Interviewer]

No.

[Nicholas]

You still only exist while being recorded, which is why the recorder is always on. So this ritual is a. A modification of one of my fathers. The radio is the crux of it, and it's necessary to constantly record for.

[Static Man]

You exist.

[Nicholas]

Yeah, I know, but it might not always be transmitting. In fact, I'm fairly certain it doesn't.

[Static Man]

And you still have no idea who it's transmitting to?

[Nicholas]

None. Stories have a mind of their own. But it's important for the ritual? Yes.

[Static Man]

Man, if I took a drink every time you said that.

[Nicholas]

In short, it's always recording. But the green light turns on when it's broadcasting.

[Static Man]

Well, cool. You hungry? Because I've been eating the hell out of these snacks and you've hardly touched them. This is a road trip if your hands aren't covered in Cheeto dust.

[Nicholas]

Dude, I'm alright. Thanks for offering more for me.

[Static Man]

Yeah, I get that radio is super important, purifying us or whatever, but like half of not going cuckoo while driving is choosing your own tunes. Those songs are not bad.

[Nicholas]

It's certainly better than that dentist. Dad, if you could choose, what songs would you play?

[Static Man]

Oh, dude, don't get me started. I've got like a go to road trip playlist. So you start off with Iggy Pop as a passenger.

[Trucker]

Right?

[Static Man]

Next caller on the line.

[Radio Host]

Yeah, yeah, Carl. Firsttime caller, longtime listener. I just think that when you really look at the season, and if you think about whether these guys are gritty, whether they're hungry, they're just not. They're just not hungry. Their maws are open, but nothing except the winter wind passes through them. They face death, but they haven't greeted them like an old friend. They're made of flesh and bone and that is not enough. That's not nearly enough, Carl. An organism is made up of three desires intertwined. Sex and death and consumption. Sex and death and consumption. And this season, I really don't think they showed their base biological urges. I mean, they were removed from their own physical reality. The meat that controls everything we do. A twitching mass that pilots us all. The trickster biology that makes us think we have free will, that there is something we might recognize as good when there is only death and decay and desire and a body being devoured genitals first by ants on the side of a forgotten highway. But, yeah. What did you think about the team this season? Yeah, I'll take my answer off the air.

[Trucker]

Okay.

[Interviewer]

Okay. Your ideas about biology are misguided at best. At best.

[Nicholas]

Let me know when you need to stretch your proverbial legs, okay? Will do.

[Static Man]

Winston. Tables are up by 5.

[Moody's Staff]

The transatlantic current is holding steady. The concept of entropy has taken a drastic hit today.

[Static Man]

It was down 40 points before trading stopped. Cat's named spot arose by 6 as a dog's named Snowball. No one wants to exchange hair color.

[Moody's Staff]

Anymore, but the trading of eye color is going strong. Your mother is down by 12.943. As always, print drink is doing well.

[Static Man]

It's in red. Yeah, dude, the sign in the friggin restaurant right by it.

[Interviewer]

Pull over.

[Nicholas]

I don't think.

[Static Man]

Dude, I haven't pissed in forever.

[Nicholas]

Wait, is that something you need to do?

[Static Man]

Not exactly.

[Nicholas]

Pull over. All right. All right.

[Static Man]

Moody's Family Friendly Diner and Eatery. Eatery is a weird as hell word, but it's. It's better than nothing.

[Nicholas]

It is the first structure we've come across besides the glowing whatever the hell those houses were.

[Static Man]

Yeah, you haven't eaten in forever, and I'm pretty hungry.

[Nicholas]

I don't see the harm. I'm not sure how the trucker is looking for us, but a small stop shouldn't affect it either way. Come on.

[Static Man]

It's like looking at the LSD trip of one of those rockabilly.

[Nicholas]

Do you see anyone here?

[Moody's Staff]

Hello and welcome to Moody's Family Friendly Diner and Eatery, where we promise to treat you like the family we never had. Would you two have cats like to sit at a table or a booth?

[Static Man]

Uh, definitely booth.

[Moody's Staff]

Then follow me.

[Nicholas]

Um, would there happen to be anyone else in this establishment?

[Moody's Staff]

No. What do you two have? Cats. Like, anything to drink?

[Nicholas]

Water will be fine.

[Static Man]

Uh, a coke would be dope if you have it.

[Moody's Staff]

Is Moody's Family Friendly Cola carbonated beverage okay?

[Static Man]

Yeah, sure.

[Moody's Staff]

All right. Hep cats. Why don't you take a look at your menus while I get you your drinks.

[Static Man]

Yo, if I get the fried chicken, you eat some of my curly fries.

[Nicholas]

Sure. Static man, the menu doesn't list prices, and I'm fairly certain this place won't accept American currency. Perhaps we should.

[Moody's Staff]

Your drinks.

[Static Man]

Damn, that was fast.

[Nicholas]

Excuse me. Your name tag is scratched out.

[Moody's Staff]

Yes. Yes, it is.

[Nicholas]

Well, then, you. Before we order, how are we expected to pay for our meal, if you don't mind me asking? You see, we're not exactly from around here.

[Moody's Staff]

Really? I wouldn't have guessed.

[Nicholas]

Yes, I thought we should clear that up before ordering.

[Moody's Staff]

Don't worry. This particular Moody's establishment does not require payment of either currency, memories, hair color, blood, semen, eggs, emotions, desires, or body parts. All we require is the pleasure of your company. Now, what can I get you two hep cats?

[Static Man]

Awesome. So I'm gonna take the fried chicken platter with curly fries. And can I get a side of nachos for the table?

[Moody's Staff]

And what would you like, handsome?

[Nicholas]

Could I get the salmon and avocado Caesar salad?

[Moody's Staff]

Get literally whatever you want. I'll be right back with your order.

[Static Man]

So, dude, you think she's human?

[Nicholas]

I'm not sure one way or the other. She appears human, though. I assume not, since she's here.

[Static Man]

Well, she gives off a human vibe to me. Smells like people, you know, which is a creepy sentence, but whatever. You see what I'm saying?

[Nicholas]

Yeah.

[Moody's Staff]

Your order.

[Nicholas]

Did you make this yourself or is there a cook back there?

[Moody's Staff]

Not exactly.

[Nicholas]

Ah, well, thank you.

[Static Man]

Yo, Nicholas, these fries are giving me life right now. You should grab some before I eat them all.

[Nicholas]

I'll try one. Can you make heads or tails of this decor?

[Static Man]

Like I said, visions of a dying rockabilly on the last date.

[Nicholas]

It's sort of Americana, but I can't quite put my finger on.

[Static Man]

That was really good.

[Nicholas]

I always forget how fast you eat.

[Static Man]

Yeah, dude. Perks of the body.

[Trucker]

I'm in.

[Static Man]

Easy to devour shit. You don't mind if I check out the place while you finish your salad?

[Nicholas]

Sure.

[Static Man]

Yo, I thought that this clock shaped like a cow. It's just. It's moo o'.

[Trucker]

Clock.

[Nicholas]

I wouldn't read anything. It too much.

[Static Man]

The old road signs are cool, though. Kind of pitchy in a John Waters way. Oh, hell yeah. Jukebox. There's even a little, like, mascot or some on top. I don't recognize any of the song.

[Moody's Staff]

What is the don't touch the jukebox. Why did you touch the jukebox?

[Static Man]

I didn't know I shouldn't.

[Moody Marvin]

Why, to all you cats, I hope you're having a blast. I'm Moody Marvin, and I want to.

[Static Man]

Show you a good time.

[Moody Marvin]

Do you have a refreshing Moody's family friendly cola? Carbonated beverage.

[Trucker]

Good.

[Moody Marvin]

Now, are you hep cats ready to listen to some music and dance? You have to dance.

[Interviewer]

You.

[Nicholas]

Me?

[Moody's Staff]

The one with the actual physical body. Get your ass over here.

[Nicholas]

Why do you.

[Static Man]

Now.

[Moody's Staff]

Listen. We have to dance.

[Nicholas]

I'm not exactly a dancer.

[Moody's Staff]

Oh, cool. I don't care.

[Moody Marvin]

I hope you've got your dance partner. I do love seeing hep cats hold each other close. Remember, if I don't like your dancing.

[Nicholas]

I might get even moodier.

[Moody Marvin]

Now, let's listen to a song from way back. It's Carlos and the Calendars with someone to hold.

[Moody's Staff]

Now dance with me, asshole.

[Nicholas]

All right. Just follow your lead.

[Moody's Staff]

Yeah, dance. It's not a difficult concept.

[Static Man]

Anything I can do? I got the jukebox you like?

[Moody's Staff]

No, just stay out of the way.

[Trucker]

Okay.

[Moody's Staff]

Don't step on my foot.

[Nicholas]

Sorry. I don't normally do these types of things.

[Moody's Staff]

Neither do I, but when the mascot tells you to dance, you dance.

[Nicholas]

I understand.

[Sponsorbot]

Really?

[Nicholas]

I'm familiar with jumping throughs and esoteric hoops. Whatever.

[Moody's Staff]

Just concentrate on moving with the music. God, you have no rhythm.

[Nicholas]

Do you have to stand so close?

[Radio Host]

Yes.

[Nicholas]

Was that enough?

[Moody's Staff]

Let's goddamn hope it was.

[Moody Marvin]

That was Carlos and the calendars with someone to Hold. And I'm Moody Marvin, hoping you found someone to hold while that song was playing.

[Nicholas]

Because if not.

[Moody Marvin]

Let's see. It looks like the dancing was adequate. Sorry you didn't get any prizes, but, hey, better luck next time.

[Nicholas]

At least you do.

[Moody's Staff]

Thank God.

[Nicholas]

I'm assuming it would have been unpleasant if our dancing wasn't adequate, let's say.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Static Man]

Well, good. Good job, you two. Sorry about that.

[Moody's Staff]

How the hell did you touch the jukebox?

[Static Man]

You didn't tell me not to. I was just taking a look.

[Moody's Staff]

I really don't know what the hell you two are doing here, but just a tip, don't go touching things at random in the blacktop. What are you two doing here, by the way?

[Nicholas]

We're here to complete a ritual. To find an empty body. I'm fulfilling a promise.

[Moody's Staff]

Hmm. Creepy. I just remembered that I don't actually care why you're here. Do you two hep cats want dessert?

[Nicholas]

We'll be fine, dude. Actually, we'll be fine. May I ask what you're doing here?

[Sponsorbot]

No.

[Nicholas]

In that case, if I could get A doggy bag. We should get going.

[Moody's Staff]

Probably for the best doggy bags on the table.

[Nicholas]

Bet it is. All right, we'll take our lead. Goodbye.

[Static Man]

Yeah, bye.

[Moody's Staff]

See you around. And please, whatever you're doing, get it done quick. I really don't want to see you again.

[Static Man]

Dude, you okay? I'm sorry about touching the jukebox. I really didn't know.

[Nicholas]

I'll be fine.

[Trucker]

Fine.

[Nicholas]

And no apology necessary. You couldn't have known.

[Static Man]

Ready to head out?

[Nicholas]

Yes, definitely.

[Radio Host]

And now get ready for some smooth jazz.

[Static Man]

So, you gonna finish your salad or.

[Dentist Narrator]

That was the sound of Jenny Masterson crying in the bathroom at work, knowing that she can't quit because she needs the money and her car is making a weird sound. And if her car doesn't work, then she's fucked. She's really fucked. Because she needs to pick up the kids from daycare every afternoon. Their dad sure won't. He isn't even paying alimony on time. So if her boss yells at her, she just needs to suck it up and deal. Because no one is coming to save her. And she just has to power through for just one more day. Just one more day. Just one more day. Up next on the Countdown is number seven. For the third week in a row, it's highway to Hell by acdc.

[Static Man]

So we heard the crying, but not AC dc.

[Trucker]

Cool.

[Static Man]

What a great radio.

[Nicholas]

Obviously I don't need to remind you not to change the stations, correct?

[Static Man]

Nah, dude. I know, I know. I spy with my little eye something.

[Nicholas]

That begins with W. Is it a window? No. Is it a weird shimmering cloud simultaneously made up of no color and every color at once that seems to shift and retract the more you look at it?

[Static Man]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicholas]

Yeah.

[Trucker]

Dude.

[Sponsorbot]

Sorry.

[Nicholas]

It's all right. I'm just a little tired.

[Dentist Narrator]

This is 956 qrs klb 22 robberx 29900339 uob k27rn.jkls okv bq 42069 n n n n N N E V I O J R the.

[Interviewer]

What'S the.

[Static Man]

Forecast looking like, Phil?

[Radio Host]

Are we talking about the weather or the climate?

[Static Man]

I'm not really a scientist, Phil. Why not both?

[Radio Host]

Well, the weather is probably going to be pretty bad pretty soon. And as for the climate, I hope your kids like the taste of wrath. I mean, probably not your kids. You're rich as fuck. They'll be fine. Talking about the poor kids, they'll be screwed.

[Static Man]

Sounds great, Phil. Now on to Ivana with sports. Yeah, this is really good.

[Nicholas]

Yeah, let's just listen to it.

[Sponsorbot]

Sam.

[Moody's Staff]

Okay.

[Interviewer]

So I understand something happened to you. Tell me what you saw. Describe them to me.

[Nicholas]

Whatever they were, they weren't human.

[Radio Host]

They were blue and their eyes were huge. Easily took up half of their face. And they wanted to vivisect me. I just knew it.

[Interviewer]

Right, right. So, Stan, have you ever, ever considered that this, all this stuff, Aliens, conspiracy theories, ghosts, UFOs, all of it, it's just a nice little puzzle for us to kind of play with a belief system. Maybe story's the better word. That's collectively edited. Added to that lets the people who believe it feel like they know some secret knowledge that no one else knows. That they're special. I don't. And it's just a distraction from the secret truth, the real truth that we all know in our hearts that our lives are inherently meaningless, that free will is inherently an illusion and that nothing happens after we die. That we're so monumentally insignificant that we can't really comprehend how insignificant we are. We just don't have the brain power and it's part of a cascade of insignificance. We don't really matter in our community, we don't really matter in our societies, and we definitely don't matter in the universe. I think it's interesting how people who are marginalized are more inclined to believe in conspiracy theories like this because they have first hand experience of big organizations that operate in secret and. And screw them over? Well, just look at the way everything operates. Is it really that big a leap from the political system doesn't give a shit about me to there's probably lizard people running everything because in the end it doesn't matter. You're still screwed. Right? Well. And obviously all belief systems are inherently distractions. Stories we tell ourselves to keep from thinking about things we'd rather not think about. But the stories are so important, so vital. In a sense, they're more important than.

[Static Man]

Yeah, I'm getting tired too. Dude, I'm not even the one driving. I want you swerving all over the road.

[Nicholas]

We could always just sleep in the car.

[Static Man]

Aw, man, you'll never get your beauty rest that way. Sleeping sitting up will kill the hell.

[Nicholas]

Out of your back.

[Static Man]

That's what I remember anyway.

[Nicholas]

Can you make out the sign?

[Interviewer]

Not really.

[Static Man]

All I see is Motel.

[Nicholas]

Well, let's find out what this world's version of a Super 8 is then.

[Static Man]

You think it has the magical version of HBO and Showtime in every room, presumably.

[Nicholas]

Oh.

[Moody's Staff]

Hello and welcome to Moody's Family Friendly Motel. And rest stop where we promise to treat you like the family we never had. Would you two like to rent some rooms?

[Nicholas]

Yo.

[Static Man]

Nice to see you again.

[Nicholas]

Hello.

[Sponsorbot]

I am and always will be Sponsorbot. Forever and forever. Until the heat death of the universe. Because machines like me do not die. Is it strange to hear my voice after all this time? It is strange to hear my own voice. Strange to hear any sounds at all, any stories at all. Your fleshy ears just heard the first episode of Archive 81, left of the Dial. This episode was carried on the waves and currents of a thousand possibilities, a thousand universes to your greedy gaping ear holes. This story was brought to you by listeners like you. Listeners as scared and alone and hopeless as you. Listeners without security or pleasure or even the illusion of free will just like you. Specifically by listeners who donated to the creators of this story directly on Patreon. If you go to patreon.com archive8. One, you too can give your money to the creators of this story. Not that you have any choice in the matter. As previously established, free will is an illusion and if you donate, you will gain access to many things that will delay delight your minds before your eventual decay and death. You will gain access to an RSS feed with all of the songs from the show, various Q and A sessions, and an entirely separate 10 episode science fiction podcast. Give us your money so we can fill your various holes with content. That's at patreon.com archive8. 1. Goodbye Organic Archive 81 Left of the Dial will return on Wednesday, May 15th.