Are You A Charlotte?

Episode: Insta Graham Official with Heather Graham (S2 E18 “Ex and the City”)

Date: October 13, 2025
Host: Kristin Davis
Guest: Heather Graham

Episode Overview

This episode features Kristin Davis (Charlotte on Sex and the City) joined by actress and superfan Heather Graham, for an in-depth, nostalgic, and candid discussion centered on “Ex and the City” (S2 E18), the beloved season finale. The conversation explores the episode’s iconic moments, the show's lasting cultural legacy, behind-the-scenes stories, and the resonance of Sex and the City’s themes of love, friendship, and self-discovery. The duo also dive into the continued relevance of single women’s stories, reflect on Robert Redford and film magic, and swap personal anecdotes from Hollywood.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why “Ex and the City” is a Classic

• Heather Graham: “I think it's my favorite episode ever.” (04:50)
• The episode’s iconic closing scene (Carrie in her white dress at The Plaza, referencing The Way We Were), and the masterful weaving of multiple storylines.
• Both Kristin and Heather express admiration for Michael Patrick King's writing/directing, calling this episode a high point for the show.

Cultural Touchstone

• The recent passing of Robert Redford (referenced at 05:15) and the direct homage to The Way We Were in the Sex and the City finale.
• Kristin and Heather reminisce about classic films (Butch Cassidy, The Way We Were) and their personal childhood film memories (05:53).

The Power of Iconic Imagery

• Kristin's memories of her character’s horseback riding scene:
  “I had to go to Staten Island for horseback riding lessons, which was a whole trip.” (07:20)
  They discuss the now-closed Claremont Stables and its unique “horse elevator.” (08:17)

2. Revolutionary Portrayals of Single Women

• Heather Graham: “Maybe she's just a horse that needs to run free. And it was very cool seeing that in a TV series… you don't have to get married, you don't have to have kids. You can just feel good about yourself, wear a fabulous dress, have great friends, and just enjoy your life regardless.” (08:45)
• Kristin reflects on auditioning for the show, eager to be part of something so distinct and empowering for women. (09:11)

Context in TV History

• Comparing Sex and the City to earlier representations:
  • Heather Graham: “Laverne & Shirley, it was like, oh, they're sad, they can't find any guys... This was like, yeah, we're single and we're fabulous.” (10:32)
  • Brief nods to Mary Tyler Moore (“Mary Richards...kind of fit, fabulous.” - 10:57) and The Golden Girls.

Enduring Appeal

• Heather reveals she only started watching midway (in Prague, filming, binge-watching tapes), reminding us of the show’s international and enduring fanbase. (11:22)
• Commentary on the shift from limited TV options to today’s plethora of content, yet a relative scarcity of shows about women enjoying single life. (12:10)

3. Behind-the-Scenes Stories

Heather Graham’s Guest Appearance

• Heather shares memories of her cameo—friends with several writers and cast (notably Willie Garson), and how people still bring it up. (13:28)
• Sweet anecdote: Sarah Jessica Parker gave Heather a gift certificate for a foot massage due to all the high heels on set. (14:34)

Writing Evolution & Directorial Choices

• Kristin and Heather praise the show’s progression from season 1’s experimental styles (breaking the fourth wall, extras commenting on sex) to a tighter, character-focused narrative:
  • “They managed to do, like, have a lot of humor, sexy, but also this poignancy and this kind of fresh point of view about women and dating…” (15:58)

4. “Ex and the City” Episode Breakdown

Key Plotlines (31:49)

• Each lead gets a meaningful arc—rare and challenging with four main characters.
• Kristin walks through Miranda’s adorable, vulnerable reaction to seeing ex Steve (32:29), underscoring the show’s commitment to real emotional nuance.

Classic Coffee Shop Scene

• The group debates if men and women can be friends post-breakup, and whether it’s possible to truly stay friends with exes.
• Carrie’s Big Question: “If you love someone and you break up, where does the love go?” (44:44)
• Samantha's classic quip: “To the other girlfriend.” (44:44)

Romantic Idealism & Self-worth

• The “Hubble” moment from The Way We Were echoes through the show’s conclusion, symbolizing unreciprocated love, acceptance, and personal growth.
• Heather: “That moment at the end was her just deciding to feel good about herself, even though that relationship didn’t work out and to feel how amazing she is...” (28:26)

Revisiting Classic Lines

• Heather’s favorite Charlotte line:
  “I've been dating since I was 15. Where is he? My hair hurts.” (24:34)
• Kristin describes loving how fans and awards shows always responded with laughter to that line, and remembers acting it completely without makeup, feeling vulnerable and authentic. (25:09)

5. Personal Reflections & Hollywood Anecdotes

Real-life Crossings

• Kristin recalls seeing Heather with Heath Ledger at Coffee Bean (39:24).
• Heather shares personal warmth and pride about her relationship with Ledger, his light, and how short yet intense such artistry and life sometimes are (41:11).

Navigating Fame and Public Memory

• The women riff on embracing (or avoiding) their own press photos at home (09:46).
• Heather: “I've always kind of slightly hidden it. But I also think it's cool people that celebrate it.” (10:02)

On the Magic of Classic Movies

• Their adoration for Robert Redford and Out of Africa, with Heather venting about the unfair critical response Redford/film initially got. (43:18)
• Kristin: “That's why I ended up having my obsession [with Africa].” (44:14)

6. Themes of Growing Up, Realism & Friendship

• The finale’s assertion: the most important relationship is with yourself, regardless of romance. (23:22)
• Kristin notes the challenge of depicting happiness alone in a film/TV format versus with a dramatic relationship, leading to the show's ongoing storytelling in “And Just Like That.” (23:58)
• Discussion of healthy boundaries with exes and the challenge of self-honesty and codependency after breakups. (46:06)
• Both reflect on how the characters—and themselves—balance romantic longing, independence, fantasy, and reality.

Who Are You? Charlotte, Carrie, Miranda, or Samantha?

• Heather sees herself as a combination and reflects how she’s incorporated more “Charlotte” traits as she’s matured. (47:26)
• Kristin: “I am like half Charlotte, half Carrie.” (47:18)

The Importance of Representation

• Both celebrate how Sex and the City gave women a chance to see empowered, complicated single women center-stage.
• Heather: “It's incredible to be part of something that means things to people. It is the best part of our business. It pretty much evens out all the hard parts.” (50:33)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Heather Graham, on singlehood on TV:
  “You don't have to get married. You don't have to have kids. You can just feel good about yourself, wear a fabulous dress, have great friends, and just enjoy your life regardless.” (08:45)

• Kristin Davis, on her ambitions:
  “When I read it, 1998, I thought… I want to live like this. I didn’t have the confidence the characters had…” (09:11)

• On friendship after breakups:
  “If you love someone and you break up, where does the love go?” – Carrie via Kristin Davis (44:44)

• On self-worth and endings:
  “The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.” (23:22)

• Heather, summing up the show’s true radical message:
  “Just about, like, the friends enjoying their friendships…without being like, oh, the movie needs to end with a wedding and like a woman with a pregnant belly.” (22:36)

• On finding yourself after heartbreak:
  “Her just deciding to feel good about herself… she doesn't need that guy to affirm her, she can just absolutely affirm herself.” – Heather Graham on Carrie’s ending moment (28:26)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:50 – Heather Graham calls "Ex and the City" her favorite episode ever.
• 05:15-06:34 – Reminiscing about Robert Redford, childhood movie moments, and classic film magic.
• 07:20-08:17 – Kristin’s horseback riding scene and the quirky history of NYC’s now-closed Claremont Horse Stables.
• 08:45 – Heather on the radical empowerment of single women on Sex and the City.
• 13:28-14:34 – Heather recounts her guest appearance and Sarah Jessica Parker’s kindness.
• 23:22 – Discussing Carrie's legendary line: “The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.”
• 24:34 – “Where is he? My hair hurts.” – Charlotte’s iconic frustration, a favorite fan moment.
• 31:49-32:57 – Episode rewatch: breaking down main storylines, Miranda’s emotional arc.
• 39:24 – Kristin and Heather reminisce about seeing each other with Heath Ledger in L.A.
• 44:44 – Classic group debate: Can you be friends with exes?
• 53:20 – Early Sex and the City wardrobe budget stories and how the show’s visual/style evolved.

Final Notes

This episode is a heartfelt, deeply nostalgic, and fun journey through what made Sex and the City's "Ex and the City" episode legendary. It’s rich with inside stories, reflections on friendship, romance, feminism, and aging—balancing uplifting appreciation and candid, vulnerable sharing. Both women’s warmth and gratitude for the show and each other shine, providing fans with fresh insight and a strong sense of belonging within the Sex and the City sisterhood.

Stay tuned for part two, where Kristin and Heather will continue to break down “Ex and the City” and share even more stories from sex, the city, and beyond.