Podcast Summary: "Let’s talk about Sex (and the City)"

Podcast: Are You A Charlotte?
Host: Kristin Davis
Guest: Dr. Orna Guralnik (Psychologist and Psychoanalyst, known from "Couples Therapy")
Date: January 12, 2026

Overview

In this episode, Kristin Davis (Charlotte York from "Sex and the City") is joined by Dr. Orna Guralnik, celebrated psychologist and star of "Couples Therapy," to analyze a pivotal Season 3 episode of "Sex and the City" centered on Carrie Bradshaw's affair with Mr. Big. Using a mix of personal anecdotes, psychoanalysis, and cultural commentary, they explore the show's ongoing relevance, shifting attitudes towards cheating, gender roles, personal freedom, and the cultural weight of terms like "trauma" and "narcissist." Together, they reflect on how the series both challenged and mirrored society's evolving conversation on relationships, sexuality, and women’s autonomy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Evolution and Cultural Impact of "Sex and the City"

• Show’s Mission: Kristin underscores the original goal: shifting the conversation around women, relationships, and sexuality to be more female-centered and empowering.
  • "[‘Sex and the City’] really wanted to, at the time, create a new way of talking about relationships that was female centered, you know, female empowering, talking about things that people weren't talking about." (07:15)
• Ongoing Relevance: Both note how the themes explored in the late '90s remain timely today.
  • "Now, it's funny to me that in 2025, this is still kind of a relevant thing, and I would love your perspective on it." (04:41)
• Generational Connection: Dr. Orna reveals her daughter knows the series by heart, highlighting its cross-generational impact. (05:09)
• Representation and Permission: Kristin highlights the power of seeing women like Samantha, who embrace singleness and sexuality, on TV.
  • "Sometimes you need something reflecting back to you that you have permission to, you know, be certain ways." (07:26)
  • On Samantha: "She gets sick... and all of a sudden she's saying, I should have gotten married. You know, and it's really kind of heartbreaking... But then when she gets well, she's like, no, no, I was just having a moment." (08:36)

Relationships, Gender Roles, and Societal Expectations

• Couples as a Microcosm: Dr. Orna frames relationships as the meeting point between individual impulses and social expectations.
  • "Couples are kind of like, a perfect arena... in which... our impulses as individuals, and what are the messages we're getting from the culture at large about how to be a human." (05:42)
• Changing Models of Masculinity: Kristin and Dr. Orna dissect the "Mr. Big" archetype, noting that what once was attractive is now seen in a new light—the desirability of withholding men has shifted.
  • Kristin: "At the time, it didn't even occur to you to think of him as withholding." (25:39)
  • Dr. Orna: "...there used to be some way that we as women or as a culture didn't see the full complexity of what a man is... And how it sucks to be a man... you have to perform to that kind of standard." (25:54-26:04)
• Compromising Authenticity: They discuss how Carrie tries to become the woman Aiden wants—mirroring how many suppress parts of themselves to fit expectations.
  • "She's trying to put a part of herself away so that she can be with him." (24:49)

Cheating, Guilt, and Compartmentalization

• Carrie’s Affair: The episode at hand revolves around Carrie cheating on Aiden with Big, prompting a discussion on guilt, dissociation, and self-awareness.
  • Kristin: "She's riddled by guilt, you know, which is, of course, the horrible problem when you have ever cheated is that then you can't really be yourself." (12:43)
• Psychoanalytic Perspective:
  • Dr. Orna: "The fact that Carrie is feeling guilty is actually a sign of, if you want to say, psychological health or integration. Because what happens sometimes when people cheat is they can't actually tolerate guilt... So they keep it dissociated." (12:57)
  • "There are people that cheat, and it's as if it's happening in another... universe." (13:34)
  • On "Shadow" concept: Dissociation and compartmentalization stem from defense mechanisms; sometimes linked to trauma, but not always. (16:29)
• Cultural Context: They note the definition of cheating itself varies widely depending on cultural or relational norms. (18:09)

Modern Language: Trauma and Narcissism

• Overuse of "Trauma":
  • Dr. Orna: "...people use the term trauma so loosely and so freely. It's disturbing... Trauma is something that really exceeds your capacity to process. It's something very abnormal that shatters something in you." (37:53)
  • Kristin: "I don't look at Carrie and think, what's her trauma either... that's not trauma. That's just life." (39:46)
• Overusing "Narcissist":
  • Dr. Orna: "...we use the term narcissist for only very particular situations and particular personality organizations... The fact that somebody is not giving you what you want from them doesn't make them a narcissist." (40:28)
  • Narcissism as a clinical disorder is rooted in fragility and a damaged sense of self. (41:12)
  • Kristin offers a memorable analogy from a therapist: "Someone described narcissism to me one time as like the person has had to create a house of cards for their identity..." (43:15)

Expectations, Marriage, and Prenups

• Prenup Episode: Kristin recounts her discomfort with performing Charlotte’s confrontation with a prenup that values sons over daughters.
  • "I was very scared about that whole episode... it's just, like, embarrassing to be putting a number on yourself. What the heck?" (47:05)
  • Dr. Orna: "How is it that women have internalized this kind of self hating, like... women internalize this exploitation?" (50:50)
• Internalized Patriarchy: Both lament how ideals of marriage and gendered roles get deeply ingrained, yet see glimmers of change.
• Raising Daughters: Conversation turns personal as Kristin discusses the challenge of preparing her teenage daughter for a world still permeated by patriarchal structures, balancing safety and freedom. (51:17-54:21)
  • "It's such a conundrum about, like, safety versus knowledge versus feeling powerful." (53:35)

Parenthood, Singleness, and Intimacy

• Evolution of Personal Needs: Kristin shares her journey: pursuit of adventure over stability, later choosing to become a single parent via adoption.
  • "I adopted two children. Now I'm, you know, very much in mommy mode... it's also, you know, a very different kind of intimacy." (63:08)
• Relationship to Intimacy: Dr. Orna explores how parenthood and peer-to-peer romance satisfy different emotional needs.
  • "Children do that more than anything... you're constantly having to prioritize some other center of subjectivity." (65:09)
  • On intimacy in romantic relationships: "It's whole another world not everyone is good at and not everyone wants." (66:10)
• Social Expectations: Kristin voices discomfort with social pressure to partner, despite her happiness as a single parent.
  • "I do sometimes beat myself up about it, but it's just not actually a priority." (71:50)
  • Dr. Orna: "Why are you single? It's like asking someone, why are you gay? Why are you straight?" (71:47)

Identity, Acting, and the Evolution of Charlotte

• Playing Charlotte: Kristin discusses how 28 years with the character has blurred the lines between her and Charlotte, yet she values Charlotte’s optimism and willingness to change.
  • "I love that Charlotte, you know... she has to pivot again... Even though she doesn't appear on the outside, like, she's the person who's going to be able to do that. That inside. She's going to do the work to try to get there." (57:53)
• Character Growth: Charlotte’s journey from idealizing marriage to adapting to divorce and embracing an unexpected love is lauded as both realistic and meaningful.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Cheating and Guilt (Dr. Orna):
  "The fact that Carrie is feeling guilty is actually a sign of, if you want to say, psychological health..." (12:57)

• On the Use of “Trauma” (Dr. Orna):
  "Trauma is something that really exceeds your capacity to process. It's something very abnormal that shatters something in you." (37:53)

• Narcissism Analogy (Kristin, relaying a therapist):
  "Someone described narcissism to me one time as like the person has had to create a house of cards for their identity..." (43:15)

• On “Why Are You Single?” (Dr. Orna):
  "Why are you single? It's like asking someone, why are you gay? Why are you straight?" (71:47)

• On Idealism (Dr. Orna): "Other than what I said earlier, this, like the. The magic dust of idealism. Yeah, I definitely have that." (72:44)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction of Dr. Orna Guralnik — 01:06
• Sex and the City’s Cultural Mission & Relevance — 04:41–07:07
• On Representation, Samantha, and Female Archetypes — 07:15–09:23
• Psychoanalysis of Relationships — 05:42–07:07
• Cheating, Guilt, & Compartmentalization — 12:57–16:29
• Discussion on Trauma and the Overuse of Psychological Language — 37:53–40:04
• Prenup, Gender Value, and Internalized Patriarchy — 45:07–51:17
• Raising a Daughter & Navigating Safety — 51:17–54:21
• Singleness, Motherhood, Social Pressure — 62:57–71:50
• Are You a Charlotte? Segment — 72:16–73:39

Listener Takeaways

• "Sex and the City" remains a vibrant lens for discussing societal shifts around gender, sexuality, intimacy, and women’s choices.
• There’s power and progress in seeing women presented as free, complex, and contrary to expectations—on screen and off.
• Modern labels like "narcissist" and "trauma" are often overapplied; real psychological struggles are nuanced, and not every hardship fits a clinical definition.
• Gender roles, power dynamics in relationships, and the desire for both independence and connection remain deeply relevant—and complicated—today.
• Personal happiness, especially for women, doesn’t have to fit societal expectations of partnership or marriage.

This episode is a rich exploration that blends nostalgia with meaningful contemporary analysis—a must-listen for fans of the show or anyone wrestling with questions of identity, relationships, and what it means to “have it all.”