Episode Overview

Episode: Lip Service with Lena Waithe… (S3 E5 "No Ifs, Ands or Butts")
Podcast: Are You A Charlotte?
Host: Kristin Davis
Guest: Lena Waithe
Date: November 19, 2025

In this episode, Kristin Davis reunites with writer-producer-actress Lena Waithe for a deep, lively rewatch and discussion of Sex and the City's Season 3, Episode 5: "No Ifs, Ands or Butts." The two revisit the introduction of Aiden—Carrie Bradshaw’s iconic love interest—exploring the character’s impact, the show’s evolving legacy, and behind-the-scenes stories. Their thoughtful, unfiltered conversation touches on TV artistry, relationship archetypes, societal expectations for women, and the enduring relevance of SATC.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Aiden's Introduction & Impact (03:47–08:26)

• The Aiden vs. Big Dynamic

  • Kristin and Lena reflect on how Aiden’s character sharply contrasts Big, presenting a “refreshingly different” love interest for Carrie.
    • “At the time that Aiden showed up, he was like the anti-Big.” – Kristin (04:15)
  • The authenticity of Aiden’s wardrobe: Kristin shares how actor John Corbett had strong input on his character’s clothes, opting for his own style (“Corbett turquoise”) over wardrobe picks, making the character even more real. (04:29–05:16)
  • Aiden’s “all-American” look is compared to a Ralph Lauren ad, further emphasized by denim, turquoise jewelry, a dog, and his handmade furniture. (05:37–05:54)

• Aiden and Carrie’s Central Conflict: Smoking

  • Lena discusses the episode’s central tension—Carrie choosing between smoking and Aiden—pointing out the real addiction stakes.
    • “They’re as addictive as heroin and, like, all other kind of hard drugs.” – Lena (06:29)
  • The group agrees Aiden’s objection is about concern, not control, and reflects on 90s New York’s pervasive smoking culture, both on- and off-set. (06:47–08:26)

2. Aiden: Old-Fashioned or Ideal Partner? (13:45–17:33)

• Aiden’s Approach to Relationships
  • Lena calls Aiden “quite old fashioned” in a way that stands apart from Carrie’s other partners, specifically referencing his willingness to wait before sex and his desire for a deeper connection. (13:50–14:19)
    • “He wants her to meet his parents, and she’s all like, what?” – Lena (16:41)
  • The discussion centers on modern relationships, maturity, and how the show ages alongside its viewers:
    • “It’s more about how do I age with the show rather than how does the show age?” – Lena (14:33)
  • Kristin and Lena note how Aiden offers what Carrie—and many women—think they want (“the person you need”), yet his earnestness can push the protagonist into existential doubt about her desires. (16:45–17:24)

3. What Do You Actually Want? (17:33–19:00)

• Societal Pressures and Self-Discovery

  • Lena leads a thoughtful reflection on differentiating personal desires from those imposed by family, friends, or society:
    • “Is this what I want? Or is this what I’ve been taught to want?” – Lena (18:10)
  • They agree that particularly for women, expectations around marriage, children, and success can cloud true self-understanding.

• The Process of Making TV and Dealing with Critique

  • Kristin recalls the frenzied, fast-paced production of early SATC seasons and how, unlike today, they operated without instant feedback or “mob mentality” critiques from online fandoms. (19:30–20:41)

4. Art, Audience, and Cultural Longevity (20:41–21:39)

• Bravery in Art

  • Lena asserts that “art isn’t meant to be kind or to cuddle,” and that lasting art should provoke conversation—even discomfort.
    • “If a bomb isn’t chasing you, you’re not doing your job.” – Lena (20:45)
    • “A lot of the art that... has changed me—or has pushed me to want to be a better artist—often comes in very uncomfortable, uneasy packages.” – Lena (21:04)
  • Kristin emphasizes the reward of seeing SATC’s continued relevance and audience engagement, even decades later.

• The Impossible to Please Ending

  • Lena and Kristin laugh about how every possible ending (Carrie with Big, Carrie alone) angered parts of the fanbase, reinforcing the importance of creative authenticity. (21:42–21:56)

5. Behind-the-Scenes Stories (22:01–27:48)

• On-Set Memories and Embarrassments
  • Kristin recounts details about Nicole Holofcener’s offbeat but memorable directing style, including directing an actor to “lick her face” during a kissing scene—something that left a lasting (and funny) mark both in the show and in real life. (22:01–24:13)
  • Anecdotes about “rug burn” from enthusiastic (but not bad!) kissing, and how real-life mishaps—like having a smudge in a NY Times photo—were woven into the show’s scripts by writer Michael Patrick King:
    • “Everything is copy. Come on. We all descendants of Nora Ephron, we just want to put it all in there.” – Lena (25:50)
    • Kristin: “But it’s so embarrassing when you have to play something that was your own thing.” (26:00)
  • Lucy moments, such as seeing an apartment and belatedly realizing it was Charlotte’s set apartment. (23:01–23:15)

6. Relationship Expectations, Sexuality, and Identity (27:48–29:00)

• Openness and Defying Norms
  • Lena and Kristin celebrate the freedom to redefine life’s milestones—embracing choices outside marriage, children, and conventional partnership.
    • “You don’t have to be partnered. You don’t have to have children. You don’t have to get married. You don’t have to do a lot of things society tells you to do.” – Lena (28:54)
  • They close with affirmations of queer identity and the joy found in self-discovery, self-acceptance, and “being open-minded.” (28:26–28:48)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Aiden’s Style Choices:
  “He was always wearing what he wanted... That is Corbett. No one put that on him.”
  — Kristin Davis (04:33–05:18)

• On Relationship Realness:
  “Big is who women want. Aiden’s almost like the person you need.”
  — Lena Waithe (16:45–16:58)

• On Aging With the Show:
  “It’s more about how do I age with the show rather than how does the show age?”
  — Lena Waithe (14:33)

• On Societal Programming:
  “Is this what I want? Or is this what I’ve been taught to want?...We don’t even have our own definitions of what success is.”
  — Lena Waithe (18:10–18:54)

• On Artistic Courage:
  “If a bomb isn’t chasing you, you’re not doing your job. Art isn’t meant to be kind or to cuddle or to make people feel comfortable.”
  — Lena Waithe (20:45–21:02)

• On Real Life Inspiring TV:
  “Everything is copy. Come on. We all descendants of Nora Ephron, we just want to put it all in there. That is the goal.”
  — Lena Waithe (25:50)

• On Dismantling Expectations:
  “You don’t have to be partnered. You don’t have to have children. You don’t have to get married. You don’t have to do a lot of things society tells you to do.”
  — Lena Waithe (28:54)

Structure & Flow of Conversation (with Timestamps)

• Aiden’s Arrival, Uniqueness, and Style (03:47–07:07)
• Smoking Storyline, Set Culture, and 90s NYC (06:32–08:26)
• Aiden’s Romantic Ideals vs. Carrie’s Needs (13:45–17:33)
• Self-Discovery, Societal Influence, and Making TV (17:33–20:41)
• The Role of Art and Lasting Impact (20:41–21:56)
• Funny On-Set Anecdotes and Writers Lifting Real Life (22:01–27:48)
• Relationship Expectations, Queerness, and Freedom (27:48–29:00)
• Closing Celebrations of Insight, Friendship, and the Show (29:00–end)

Tone & Takeaways

The episode is marked by the warmth, chemistry, and deep intelligence of the conversation. Both Kristin and Lena combine insightful critique with playful nostalgia, offering frank reflections on societal expectations, personal growth, and the behind-the-scenes realities of Sex and the City. The dialogue underscores the enduring relevance of the show and the freedom that comes from questioning—and rewriting—social scripts.

Fans and newcomers alike will find inspiration, laughs, and comfort in the honest, optimistic rapport between guest and host.