Are You A Charlotte?

S2E16: "Tantric Sex with Rachel Dratch..." ("Was It Good For You?")

Host: Kristin Davis
Date: October 2, 2025
Guest: Jonathan Goldstein

Episode Overview

In this episode of Are You A Charlotte?, Kristin Davis is joined by Jonathan Goldstein to reflect on “Was It Good For You?”, a classic Sex and the City episode that foregrounds questions about sexual performance, intimacy, insecurity, and self-discovery—both in the show's original 1997 context and in the present. The conversation weaves together behind-the-scenes reflections, personal anecdotes about sobriety, generational shifts in discussing sexuality, and the enduring relatability of the main characters' journeys.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Carrie's Storyline: Sobriety, Sex, and Vulnerability

• Carrie meets Patrick Casey, a “cute smoker guy” who accidentally burns her with a cigarette, kicking off a classic rom-com encounter. Kristin finds him unforgettable but admits she "remember[s] zero. Absolutely zero. And this guy. I don't remember this guy, but he's incredible." (04:00)
• Smoking then vs. now: Kristin reflects on changing social norms around smoking. Her daughter sees someone smoking and reacts with dismay, contrasting with Kristin's memory of the “rite of passage” that smoking once was for her generation. (04:00–05:10)
• Sexual Performance Anxiety: The core question: “Are we good in bed?”—and does it even matter? Kristin and Jonathan dig into how the episode’s tone is unusually relatable, "more real than a lot" of others. (03:34)
• Carrie’s insecurity when Patrick doesn’t call her: She wonders if she’s unattractive, "which of course is very unlike Carrie.” (19:12–19:50)
• Patrick’s Backstory: He’s in recovery and not dating per his sponsor’s advice for a year ("I've only been in the program 11 months. And my sponsor told me I cannot date till it’s been a year.”) Kristin appreciates the accuracy: “I've been on both sides of this situation... Having to try not to date, which is so hard when you’re young, you’re trying to get sober.” (20:20–21:00)
• First sober sex: Patrick confesses he’s never had sex sober and is scared—linking back to the episode’s central question about performance and how sobriety impacts intimacy. (22:16–22:45)

2. Charlotte's Arc: Empowerment Through Tantric Sex

• Charlotte’s concern: Struggling with the question of being “good in bed,” Charlotte attends a tantric sex class and, feeling empowered, tries out “lingam massage” with her partner. Kristin celebrates Charlotte’s agency: “To feel empowered, I think, is the important thing in whatever it is you wanna do.” (15:54)
• Generational contrast: Kristin wonders how “young people” experience conversations around sexual performance today compared to the ‘90s. She points to the normalization of explicit sex talk on modern podcasts like “Call Her Daddy,” run by Alex Cooper:
  • "If Carrie and Samantha had a baby, it would be Alex." (08:12)
  • She lauds the “in-depth direction” and sex positivity of today’s young women, in contrast to the taboo-shattering but still reserved tone of Sex and the City in the 1990s.

3. Intergenerational Attitudes Toward Sex and Intimacy

• Relating then and now: Jonathan quips, “Your show was kind of the thing. Like your show was the version of [‘Call Her Daddy’] we had...” Kristin agrees: “For better or worse.” (10:02–10:14)
• Empowering conversations: Both hosts support the idea that frankness about sex can be healthy and liberating, reflecting gratefully on their show’s impact.

4. Addiction, Relationships, and Boundaries

• Addiction’s “Transfer”: Kristin explains how newly sober individuals sometimes transfer addictive feelings onto relationships: “The thrill of a flirtation, the thrill of a new relationship… very much an addiction type of situation.” (20:58)
• Carrie’s boundary: Despite rapid emotional escalation (Patrick confesses love after only a week and a half), Carrie firmly asks for some space—a moment Kristin finds unusually mature for TV depictions of romance. (33:25–34:10)
  • Jonathan: “She recognized it and laid down a boundary instead of… hooking onto the drama train and the crazy train.” (33:41)

5. Cultural Details and Humorous Moments

• Buying expensive sheets: A comic aside on Miranda’s peach-colored sheets leads to a tangent about self-care and little luxuries (“It’s a rite of passage to go buy expensive sheets!”). (17:54–18:14)
• Carrie’s ‘sexy’ scenes: Kristin reveals Sarah Jessica Parker’s aversion to on-screen nudity, resulting in creative filming choices. (23:14)
• Addictive personalities: Kristin self-reflects on her own sobriety and addiction’s many forms (“Chocolate’s a good addiction, you know what I mean?”) (24:43)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

On Generational Change in Sex Talk

• Kristin Davis:
  “For us in the 90s, right, there was… No one was talking about this stuff in a public [way]… Your show was kind of the thing. Like your show was the version of [‘Call Her Daddy’] we had.” (10:02)

On Addiction and Vulnerability

• Kristin Davis: “Having to try not to date, which is so hard when you’re young, you’re trying to get sober. You just want some comfort or some fun.” (20:20)

On Setting Boundaries and Maturity

• Jonathan Goldstein: “I thought that was kind of interesting that she recognized it and laid down a boundary instead of going, like, hooking onto the drama train and the crazy train.” (33:41)
• Kristin Davis:
  “I 100% would have gone down there to help that guy.” (34:09)

On Tantric Sex and Charlotte’s Empowerment

• Kristin Davis:
  “To feel empowered, I think, is the important thing in whatever it is you wanna do. Right, Right.” (15:54)

On What It Means To Be "Good In Bed"

• Kristin Davis:
  “What even is good in bed? Like, good in bed is very, very subjective. You know what I’m saying?” (32:09)

On Relating to Charlotte

• Jonathan Goldstein:
  “I just relate to the person that's Kind of like, what? What'd you do? You know, like that kind of thing.” (36:14)

Key Timestamps

• 03:20 – Carrie’s relatable storyline and the theme of sobriety.
• 04:00–05:10 – Nostalgia and reflections on smoking culture then vs. now.
• 06:29 – The central question: sexual performance (“Are you good in bed?”).
• 08:00–09:34 – Kristin discusses Alex Cooper and modern sex-positive podcasts.
• 15:11–15:54 – Charlotte’s tantric sex class, empowerment through learning.
• 19:12–21:00 – Patrick’s recovery, dating, and early sobriety.
• 22:16–22:45 – First sober sex; Patrick’s vulnerability.
• 23:14 – Behind the filming of Carrie’s sex scene.
• 24:34–24:43 – The “addict sees the addict;” relationship as addiction.
• 29:21–30:34 – Patrick’s emotional crash, relapse, and making amends.
• 33:25–34:10 – Carrie’s maturity in laying down boundaries.

Final Thoughts

The episode captures a nuanced and heartfelt discussion about evolving views on sex and intimacy, both on- and off-screen. Kristin and Jonathan deftly balance nostalgia, humor, and candid self-reflection, highlighting the ongoing value of honest conversations around desire, agency, and personal growth. Charlotte’s journey through tantric sex is celebrated as an empowering moment, Carrie's storyline as a rare and “real” depiction of the complexities of dating while sober and the nature of addiction. Throughout, the hosts underscore that what makes someone “good in bed”—or a “Charlotte”—is not a fixed ideal, but a journey of self-understanding and being true to oneself, both in and out of the bedroom.