ARE YOU A CHARLOTTE?
Podcast by iHeartPodcasts
Episode: “Trey Couldn’t Get It Up” (S3 E12 "Don't Ask Don't Tell")
Release Date: January 29, 2026
Host: Kristin Davis

Episode Overview

This heartfelt and humor-filled episode is a deep dive into Sex and the City’s pivotal 2000 episode, “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”—focused on Charlotte’s wedding to Trey and the dramatic, complex moments around it. Kristin Davis offers intimate behind-the-scenes recollections, candid personal reflections, and thoughtful commentary on the episode’s dramatic and comedic beats, touching on themes of female friendship, honesty, sexuality, and societal expectations around relationships and marriage.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Charlotte & Trey: Wedding Drama and Sexual Tension

• Kristin’s Rewatch Surprises (04:00)
  • Kristin is surprised by her lack of memory regarding several key scenes like the pre-wedding ‘bachelorette’ evening.
    • “I thought we all go out for, like, the night before, like a bachelorette party or whatever, but we don’t.” (05:20)
    • She notes Charlotte is tipsy and wearing her own sparkly sweater, feeling the excitement and nerves about finally consummating her relationship with Trey.
  • Ponders why Charlotte didn’t get a traditional bachelorette party (06:00).
• Bridesmaids Tension & Vera Wang Scene (07:00)
  • Kristin analyzes the palpable tension between Charlotte and Samantha over bridesmaid dress length—mirroring off-screen debates about individuality vs. tradition.
  • Miranda bluntly reminds Charlotte: “‘It’s a day, you get a day’”—highlighting expectations versus reality in weddings. (08:30)
• Pre-Wedding Nerves and the ‘Big Secret’ (10:45)
  • Kristin discusses the stress of playing the scene where Charlotte confides in Carrie about Trey’s erectile dysfunction:
    • “I had to tell Carrie that he couldn’t get it up, that Trey couldn’t get it up. Because that was kind of like this big, you know, moment...” (04:39)
  • Kristin’s own nerves mirrored Charlotte’s anxiety—she recalls a ruined take when the AD laughed during her close-up, showing the delicate balance between comedy and drama. (13:40)
    • “I was so mad because I had been so stressed about it. And her laugh had ruined that take.” (13:50)
  • The challenge for the actors was nailing the tone: “You don’t know exactly if you should be going with your kind of more comedic impulses or going into the emotion of it. And really what you have to do is do both.” (15:17)
• Behind the Scenes & Scene Cuts (23:56)
  • Kristin suspects scenes were cut, including a possible bachelorette party and reconciliation with Samantha.
  • She mentions photographic proof of a “Coyote Ugly”-type bar scene with Charlotte in a veil that never made the final episode.

Notable Quote:

• “It’s a kind of a tight wire act that Charlotte’s doing. Between the focus on the wedding, the, you know, the ceremony, the dress, everything being beautiful and perfect...and then, like, what she knows underneath.” (11:48)

2. Sex and Emotional Embarrassment: Trey’s Problem

• The Bedroom Letdown (19:11)
  • Kristin reflects on the key bed scene where Trey can’t perform after their drunken wedding-eve attempt at sex.
    • “He says things ... ‘I can lift the sails, but I can’t take it into harbor.’ ... which is just also very interesting.” (19:38)
    • Kristin discusses the writing’s subtlety regarding performance anxiety and its connection to pressure and Trey’s relationship with his mother.
    • She wonders whether the characters ever try therapy or medical solutions.
  • She sees Charlotte’s decision to proceed with marriage “great—that she goes ahead with it” despite the red flag (20:48).

3. Carrie & Aiden: Confession, Regret, and Heartbreak

• Infidelity Confession (24:00 and 33:38)

  • Kristin extols the acting of Sarah Jessica Parker and John Corbett, especially in the emotionally charged breakup scene outside the wedding.
    • “You really feel from Carrie how incredibly sorry she is and how stupid she feels that she did this thing to this incredibly great person.” (25:16)
  • Carrie confesses to cheating right before Charlotte's wedding, with Aiden’s heartbroken yet calm demeanor standing out.
    • Notable Aiden line: “I just wish I didn’t know about this. I just know myself. This isn’t the kind of thing I can get over. I just need to be on my own for a while. ... I really loved you.” (36:58)

• Carrie’s Inner Conflict

  • Kristin notes the psychological realism in Carrie’s inability to truly be present with Aiden because of her guilt:
    • “If you can’t even really be with him because all you can think about is that you did this bad thing ... I don’t think you really have a choice.” (34:52)

• Carrie’s Reaction: Rare Tears

  • Kristin highlights the rarity and power of seeing Carrie truly cry:
    • “We don’t really see Carrie cry that often ... She doesn’t do it very often. And I thought it was really, really so sad.” (37:35)

4. Miranda’s Speed Dating Fiasco & Feminist Commentary

• Speed Dating and Lying About Success (39:16)
  • Kristin comments on Miranda’s struggle at a speed dating event, where she realizes she has to lie about being a lawyer for men to find her attractive. She instead claims she’s a stewardess.
    • “It just seems so insane. But when you actually think about what the apps are, they’re very similar. They’re just not face to face.” (39:35)
  • Ultimately, Miranda's date (Clark Gregg’s character, Harris) is also lying about being an ER doctor—he works at The Athlete’s Foot (sports store). The mutual deception ends the budding romance with comic finality.
    • “She doubles down ... And then the good news is she takes Stanford to my wedding, which is great.” (42:30)

5. Themes & Reflections

• Balance of Comedy and Drama

  • Kristin notes this episode is one of the first where drama outweighs the humor, exemplifying the show’s evolution and confidence in serialized storytelling.
    • “One of our best episodes...One of the first where we really have almost more drama than humor in one particular episode.” (44:06)
  • She acknowledges the emotional payoff for viewers invested in longer story arcs, especially Carrie and Aiden and Charlotte’s wedding journey.

• Friendship as the Core

  • The episode ends with a moving note about the value of friends who love you for who you really are, recalling Carrie’s closing monologue—a central Sex and the City message.
    • “It's amazing to be loved for who you really are. And I was so lucky that I had found three people who loved me like that.” (38:45)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Samantha very smartly says, ‘Honey, before you drive the car, you take it for a test drive.’” (09:43)
• “I was super stressed about how to pull that moment off ... telling her, like, he can’t get it up. Trey can’t get it up.” (12:55)
• “If a real emergency happened, it’s every man for themselves or something. She’s very funny. Very, very funny.” (41:25, about Miranda’s flight attendant story)
• “I think it would have been great if [Miranda and Harris] could have both confessed that they were both lying...but I also think it would have been great if she’d run into him again on the street.” (43:15)
• “The payoff of investment is really happening now, which I love to see. It’s great. And it’s great to see that we have enough confidence to go there as actors.” (44:36)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [04:00] Charlotte’s bachelorette night and lack of memory of key events
• [07:00] Bridesmaids’ dresses tension and Charlotte/Samantha fight
• [10:45] Rehearsal dinner, wedding-night butterflies, performance anxiety
• [13:40] The “Trey can’t get it up” close-up—stress and ruined take
• [19:11] Trey and Charlotte's awkward post-sex bedroom scene
• [24:00/33:38] Carrie’s confession to Aiden and heartbreak outside the wedding
• [39:16] Miranda’s speed dating and career-lie subplot
• [42:30] Miranda and Stanford at the wedding and notes on supporting cast

Tone and Language

Kristin’s tone oscillates between warm nostalgia, genuine emotion, and playful irreverence—frequently laughing at herself and the show’s idiosyncrasies, while offering candid glimpses into the actor’s process and the pressures of filming iconic scenes.

Conclusion

This episode offers fans a nuanced, entertaining, and emotionally intelligent reflection on one of Sex and the City’s most memorable episodes. Kristin Davis’s honest recollections, both humorous and vulnerable, provide new insight for old and new fans alike, making this “recap” much more than a summary—it’s a loving, living memory of what made Sex and the City special.

For more behind-the-scenes stories and discussions, follow Are You A Charlotte? on Instagram and join the conversation!