Becoming a Man w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Are You Garbage? – "Becoming a Man w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"

Release Date: October 27, 2025
Hosts: H. Foley & Kevin Ryan

---

Main Theme & Purpose

This "family episode" of Are You Garbage? features hosts H. Foley and Kevin Ryan (no guest), diving deep into trashy food habits, adult milestones marked by snack preferences, generational differences in taste, and the eternal question: at what point must you age out of certain "garbage" behaviors? The boys riff on everything from Wheat Thins and pretzel economics to the social acceptability of adult Dorito consumption, all while fielding classic "garbage" questions from fans.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Milestones of Adulthood—Snack Edition

[03:58–09:06]

• Foley coins an important coming-of-age marker: enjoying Wheat Thins signals a matured palate.
  • "That really defines a boy or a girl becoming a man or a woman." —H. Foley [04:08]
• The duo debates sophisticated snacks: Wheat Thins vs. Triscuits vs. saltines.
• Foley argues Wheat Thins are sweet and represent the moment you "grow up a little bit" in your eating.
  • "That was really when you grew up a little bit when you started appreciating them." —H. Foley [07:07]
• Kevin adds ginger snaps as a "more mature" snack, especially as a summer leftover, and recalls childhood hunger-driven food experiments.

2. Age Limits for Childhood Snacks

[10:09–17:44]

• Heated discussion about when you should "age out" of snacks like Doritos, Gushers, Ring Pops, and candy necklaces.
  • "There should be...a maximum age limit to when you should be consuming Doritos." —Kevin Ryan [10:11]
• Foley defends Doritos' timelessness; Kevin says he'd question an adult professional eating Cool Ranch at their desk.
  • "If I'm somewhere...And I'm saying this as for mature people, not us...If I walked in to the guy who's doing my will and he was finishing up lunch with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos..." [16:15]
• Candy jewelry, Bubble Tape, and Big Red gum spark nostalgic (and digestive) memories.

3. Adult Food Preferences and Social Status

[17:45–25:00]

• What should a real "man" (or "adult") snack on?
• Scent cues from pilots—should pilots eat Doritos or smoke cigarettes?
  • "I want my guy smoking heaters, not eating Doritos." —Kevin Ryan [18:51]
• Associations of masculine cologne like Stetson and family nostalgia.

4. Trashy Habits & The Family Dynamic

[25:15–36:13]

• Listener questions trigger banter around:
  • Wearing sports jerseys on vacation—acceptable or trashy?
    • "I think vacation wins there...a thick, NFL authentic jersey...at a swim-up bar, you look like a bazo." —Kevin Ryan [28:29]
  • DIY car repair: using shoelaces to fix windshield wipers ("Three Stooges shit" per Foley).
  • Family party culture: getting roasted at holiday functions and how humor is inherited from family dynamics.
    • "That's, like when you realize what funny was." —H. Foley [35:39]

5. Garbage Economics & Entrepreneurial Schemes

[49:04–57:39]

• The economics (and logistics) of selling Philly soft pretzels in NYC, complete with back-of-the-envelope math for franchise feasibility and hypothetical hustles.
  • "That's a good idea in theory though." —H. Foley [56:55]
• Creative "garbage" financial planning: one listener holds on to winning scratchers as a sort of blue-collar savings account.
  • "That's brilliant...that's like a 401k to me." —Kevin Ryan [58:35]

6. Family Eccentricities and “Trashiness”

[38:29–46:45]

• Formative stories about relatives obsessed with horses, trashy wolf t-shirts, and distant, "mountain people" family members.
  • "Wolves is extra trashy, though." —H. Foley [40:26]
  • "She came down with one of those wolf shirts on to, like, an event. This wasn't kitschy. This was like...This is my nice shirt I'm putting on." —Kevin Ryan [41:27]
• The boys break down Tex-Mex vs. Mexican food, revealing culinary confusion as part of the "garbage" experience.

7. Listener Tales: Hall-of-Fame Trash Moves

[59:11–61:05]

• Wedding on Halloween to Dad's former neighbor turned stepmom—"freaky deaky" and deeply trashy, with hilarious asides about spooky wedding food (meatloaf foot with onion toenails!).
  • "Neighbor's stepmom getting married on Halloween. That's freak...freaky deaky." —Kevin Ryan [60:14]
• Deep dive into the trauma and comedy of school haunted houses, and Foley’s elementary school days as the designated “weird-looking” kid for Halloween scares.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "A grown up snack...where the men become boys and the women become, who?" —H. Foley [08:30]
• "If you got the elastic up around your arms at a swim up bar, you look like a bazo." —Kevin Ryan [28:29]
• "Doritos...probably Tex Mex. Right?" —H. Foley [48:58]
• "If you're doing that, I'll let you do that to get out of a pinch. If you're in a monsoon, I recommend just pull over and wait for the rain to pass. If you don't got working windshield wipers. ...but if you're gonna do that, I. Great ingenuity." —Kevin Ryan [32:04]
• "I just took a little here, a little there, a little timing from him, act out from him, a little attitude from him. Got outbrended. An artist doesn't create. He listens." —Kevin Ryan & H. Foley [36:12]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:24–03:02 — Show intro, tour plugs, bantering about podcast growth
• 03:57–09:06 — "Becoming a Man": The Snack Debate (Wheat Thins, mature snacks)
• 10:09–17:44 — The Age Limit on Doritos and Kid Snacks
• 18:51–23:07 — Adult food choices; what should your pilot/doctor eat?
• 25:15–29:14 — Listener Q: Wearing sports jerseys on vacation
• 31:07–36:13 — Car repairs, family party roasts, and generational humor
• 38:29–46:45 — Relatives obsessed with horses/wolves, Tex-Mex confusion
• 49:04–57:39 — The Philly pretzel franchise hustle; snack-based entrepreneurship
• 58:17–59:02 — Holding lottery tickets as emergency cash
• 59:11–61:05 — Trashiest family weddings and Halloween food atrocities

---

Tone & Style

The episode brims with irreverence, nostalgia, self-deprecating jokes, and the lovable Philly dirtbag charm that defines the show. Foley and Ryan seamlessly blend their genuine affection for garbage culture with razor-sharp comedic timing, all the while maintaining a conversational, conspiratorial tone that makes even the most outlandish stories feel like memories shared over beers with old friends.

---

For Listeners New and Old

Whether you’re a lifelong garbage aficionado or just dabbling in Philly-flavored comedy, this episode serves as an uproarious walk down memory lane—one paved with Wheat Thins, junk food, trashy family weddings, and high-risk, low-reward business schemes.

If you want to understand your own “garbage” tendencies—or just laugh at someone else’s—this edition of “Becoming a Man” leaves no stone (or pretzel) unturned.

---

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Hang on there, Kippy. Before we get the show started, I want to talk to Atlanta and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The boys are coming for the AYG live show as a part of that back on the block door. So round up the squad, grab some dickies and come out and hang.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's a great way to introduce people to the show. It's stand up. Plus we play AYG with the crowd. You know it. You've seen it. Grab your tickets rugarbage.com, we'll see you there. Love you. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Ru Garbage. Oh, yeah, it's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that out together to be classy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yay.

[H. Foley]

Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Garbage, I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Toady's in a new edition. She's okay. Thank God.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Caught her sleeping with her eyes open.

[Kevin Ryan]

That'll get you big scare.

[H. Foley]

I was also thinking about how we're going to chop the house up. Is that 50?

[Kevin Ryan]

50 between me and you. I don't. I don't know if she has her affairs in order. That. That's some. You're going to have documents on that.

[H. Foley]

I found it downstairs in the. In her roll desk.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, then you would understand who gets.

[H. Foley]

I just saw an envelope that said to the boys. Okay, I never liked you.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a bunch of receipts.

[H. Foley]

Mike Ho's is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it. Give it up for my best pal in the whole wide world, Father of the week, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

Last week holiday week kids running around in Europe right now shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify. The boys are climbing up the charts to the medium part of the charts.

[H. Foley]

Top 15 comedy. I don't know what to tell you. Give me a call.

[Kevin Ryan]

Give me a call. If you want to discuss it, then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. sorry, garbage. Go over there. You get all that fricking bonus content gang. And listen, if you are in a 100 mile radius, stop talking the tri.

[H. Foley]

State area for you long haul truckers out there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get some tickets to the Boys in Philadelphia at the Met theater. We're doing it big come December, which is like less than two months away.

[H. Foley]

Big theater, biggest show we've ever done. Hometown. Grab some tickets and come see the boys. We gotta sell this out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Started out at the Raven Lounge. That held about 32 people. Mm, 28 if Foley was in there.

[H. Foley]

Held about 32 people. About 16 Percocets, a couple vodka Red Bulls. Ooh, vodka Red Bull and a Percocet. God damn.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, demonetized already. Thanks for that one, big dog. Always contributing to the business that's coming out of someone's end.

[H. Foley]

Oh, man, talk about hitting. Listen, speaking of hitting, I wanted to get over here. I wanted to bring something up to you. We've discussed it. It's been discussed to a degree.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, but I'm always weary of.

[H. Foley]

I know, I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, just because you said it. I don't know, I'm just. You really. You really rope a dope it.

[H. Foley]

I was down there at Patty's, at my lovely mother's recently. You know, she goes out to bed early. I stumble into the kitchen, you know, see what's. Just see what's going on. As I'm sure watching, you know, game, Seinfeld, whatever I'm doing, I'm not reading. But not much is going on there. It's a couple of them. Bad activity. Yogurts, some weird cheese. You don't know whether it's. You don't know what it is. Some pomegranate juice is now in there. And then shit for the dog. So there's not a lot to go on. But I roll over to the pantry, okay. And I pull out.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm listening.

[H. Foley]

A box of something that really defines a boy or a girl becoming a man or a woman.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

You understand what I'm saying?

[Kevin Ryan]

This is your cross. I don't know. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

This is your crossing or dough. You could do your bat mitzvahs, your bar mitzvahs, your communion. This really.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sierras Quinceanera.

[H. Foley]

Sure. This really determines whether you've become an adult. Your palette has changed. You are mature. When you realize just how good these things are. Luke the scream.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. The original Wheat Thin. Listen, as you know, I'm a bit of an old soul myself.

[H. Foley]

You really are.

[Kevin Ryan]

These were. I mean, these were just around. I mean, young, young.

[H. Foley]

You got into Them young.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were. I'm a fat kid. No one.

[H. Foley]

Suspended from the police force. Two weeks, no pay.

[Kevin Ryan]

The world needs plenty of bartenders. Yeah, young age. I'll even push you one better. Original Triscuit.

[H. Foley]

No, come on. Now you're being stupid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lou, cut that. It's crazy.

[H. Foley]

The Triscuit. Listen, we're not getting into a. I'm.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not saying it's better. I'm saying it's more adult or like. Yeah, the crap. The garden herb. I was doing that.

[H. Foley]

The fuck was doing that.

[Kevin Ryan]

My. My stepdad would get those and put the. I want to say, like, what. What was that cheese? It was like, looked radio. It was red and it was maybe some sort of pimento.

[H. Foley]

You're talking about port wine cheese? Yeah, fuck that.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was like hell of a good port wine. No, see, if you could pull that out.

[H. Foley]

You weren't doing that.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

That's like doing a shot of Cutty.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stock as a kid.

[H. Foley]

Port wine cheese. It took me a while to eat.

[Kevin Ryan]

It had like pine nuts on it or something.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you're talking about that shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't even know. No. Hell of a good port, that stuff. The hell of a good port wine. I remember looking at that. It looked like sherbert or something. I said, why the hell is this. They got to put this in the freezer. It's going to go bathe.

[H. Foley]

That shit is a nasty.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think.

[H. Foley]

Pull up hickory farm cheese bowls. They have fucking nuts around.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a picture of you. Yeah, they were big, too.

[H. Foley]

The fuck those things those were.

[Kevin Ryan]

They had like sliced almonds or walnuts on the end. I remember. B, you got a nut force field on this cheese. I ain't touching it.

[H. Foley]

Let me see.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sharp. Ch, yeah.

[H. Foley]

No bueno. Where's the provolone? But listen, I know, you know. No, that Wheat Thins isn't a new topic, but I just want to say because I really.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Grace, Great taste and a big crunch.

[H. Foley]

I was really thinking about it. Like, that was really. When you didn't really fuck with those until a certain point, whether it was, you know, young for years. You know, some people hit puberty early. Some people in puberty, a little late.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ironically, I hit it late. I think it was all the wheat then. Stunning. My hormone growth tits came in nice.

[H. Foley]

That was really. When you grew up a little bit when you started appreciating them.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you were like, well, that's the wheat. That's the. That was one of the first. That and the saltine. I'll Also, I'll add to that list. Yes, that was it. Because they're not savory, they're not sweet. You have to appreciate that. That's the right word. You have to appreciate.

[H. Foley]

Here's the thing. The Wheat Thin is sweet. That's why I can't put the Triscuit on there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sorry, I'm not putting. I'm not saying they're the same. I'm saying the Triscuit is more of a grown up. I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm seeing your Triscuit and going in the same world. I enjoyed the Triscuits more than the wheat. This.

[H. Foley]

There were these things, crazy enough when you said garden salsa. There was a wheat, there was a garden salsa.

[Kevin Ryan]

One of my fucking European garden.

[H. Foley]

No, that's what you said for the trisket.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, garlic. Garden herb.

[H. Foley]

Oh, garlic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Some sort of herb that and the rosemary. The rosemary crack. Peppercorn or something like that.

[H. Foley]

You're a rose, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

You are old.

[H. Foley]

God damn. Doing rosemary.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all that we had, man. All they had. Some days tight.

[H. Foley]

There was something that had to be made by Nabisco. They were octagon shape and they had little things on it. I want to say Crispix, but I know it wasn't Crispix, but they were the Crispix of cracker.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And they had like, they had like some bigger chunks of salt on them or something. Something.

[H. Foley]

Those things were banging. But the Wheat Thin, man, it was. Wheat Thin is really where it all began. Where you become a man. When you start being like, these fucking things are unbelievable.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. No, I'm right there with you. Yeah. A grown up. A grown up snack where the men become boys. Where the men become boys and the women become who?

[H. Foley]

Slice of cheese and a glass of white wine. We know what you're doing, honey. Now. Just thought of that. I wanted to share it with you because I really thought about it and I was like, man, that really was a time in your life. Because you would. I would knock that thing right out of the way When I was going into the pantry when I was a kid, where the Oreos, where the ginger snaps, where's the pretzels, the chips? Something like that. And all that time they were right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would even push back. I would say the ginger snap is more. Not that they're not enjoyed by children, but that is more of an elder statesman, upper echelon, mature snack.

[H. Foley]

Especially this time of year.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Getting your hands on them in the summer that were like leftover God, they'd either be too slow to get soft. Some they like got hard. They went through a cycle of the seasons, hard and soft a couple times a year.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I didn't like that, eating a coaster. Get out of here with that. But you may do. Summertime, mom and dad are at work. There's no money, there's no food. Ginger SAP sandwich, bologna on there you be all right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Get my head on straight. I always wanted to put, I always wanted to take two and do peanut butter in there. Never had the balls.

[H. Foley]

Never got around to it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe one day.

[H. Foley]

Sometimes I had the resources or the money.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, I think it was always I was hungry. So I'm like, I'll just do sandwiches like, you know, because that I don't know about you. I'd push back. I don't get full on snacks. They don't fill me up. I could eat.

[H. Foley]

They ruin my appetite.

[Kevin Ryan]

Here's the thing. Is there, there should be. And this is, this is, I mean, we're in hot water debate about snacks here. This is real. I would argue that there is an age, a maximum age limit. And I haven't hit this yet.

[H. Foley]

A maximum age limit to when you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Should be consuming Doritos.

[H. Foley]

What the fuck is this? Hey, that's a shit down to fucking Venezuela.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a childhood snack to me. I still, I enjoyed them a handful of days ago. I'm not saying. I just think that's more of a. It's like a gusher.

[Luke]

I think you're allowed the nacho cheese and Cool ranch forever. But those crazy flavors.

[H. Foley]

You're not doing free.

[Kevin Ryan]

These, they gotta stop at 10.

[H. Foley]

Wait, I can't have a sweet chili lime. Whatever. Those ones, those sweet and spicies are good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Spicy nachos, sweet chili lime. I don't know, it's just, they seem, Because I, they got huge when I was a kid and they got very branded. They were very marketed to children. I would say, like potato chips are marketed to everybody. I would argue Doritos are marketed to children.

[H. Foley]

Leno used to do the commercials.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he talks like, he talks like a, like a clown.

[H. Foley]

Now listen, Luke put an ad up on Craigslist. I need a new co host. This guy's Bancos. That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I, I told you.

[H. Foley]

When's the last time you had a Dorito?

[Kevin Ryan]

I just fucking said that like 48 hours ago. I'm not saying I, I, I abide by the rule. I'm saying there is more. The same way there's a Triscuit versus A fucking Cheez it. There's. There are more mature chip options than fucking Cool Ranch Doritos.

[H. Foley]

I would say this. Ok. That's all.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think that's fair.

[H. Foley]

There is a certain point cool is in the name.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not for. Fuck if it was Ranch Doritos.

[H. Foley]

Cool Ranch Ranch hand Doritos.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now we're taught Yellowstone Doritos. Whoa. I'm in. Put a couple of them on a PB and J310.

[H. Foley]

The Yuma chips.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta get a fucking cowboy yet.

[H. Foley]

I was gonna say because I stopped myself from doing this again when I was. I was around the little cousins. There's definitely an age where you cannot eat a candy necklace anymore. I mean, and I had a little bit of it. I was like, I shouldn't be eating this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you put it on? No, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was talking to an esteemed Yentl man.

[H. Foley]

I didn't put it on my. I rolled it twice and put it on my wrist like a real lady.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh? Hey, boys. Anybody wants some candy?

[H. Foley]

You can't be eating those.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

At 49.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah. I'm done now.

[Kevin Ryan]

After this week. Yeah. Now you can't be did. That's. That's a tough one.

[H. Foley]

Is that weird?

[Luke]

Who brought those around? Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

Like, how are those in your orbit?

[Kevin Ryan]

They're even. Dude, they were.

[H. Foley]

I was at a rave in Jamaica, Queens. What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

The kids. Adam was Vinny with the skinny there. I would argue that got phased out for me at a. Those things, they stink.

[H. Foley]

No, they don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they do.

[H. Foley]

They're like sweet tarts, but they're fun. And the big rings.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, you got to crack them in half. It's just like, what are we doing that I ate.

[H. Foley]

What about a. What about a ring pop? Would you have a ring pop now?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. No.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty good. What wouldn't you eat anymore?

[Kevin Ryan]

A ring pop can most candy, jewelry. I'd have to. I'd have to turn my nose up to. If I'm being honest with you, unless it was edible.

[H. Foley]

Would you have a fruit by the foot?

[Kevin Ryan]

Nothing on that.

[H. Foley]

Have you ever eaten edible panties?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

I feel like I've had a bite.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of one one time at lunch. I guaram divorce.

[H. Foley]

Dad sending edible panties.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sitting in the cafeteria. What the heck are these?

[H. Foley]

Teacher comes over. What are you doing going through my bag?

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk about fruit by the foot.

[H. Foley]

Nothing on. That means the teacher had a pair in her bag.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I got it. I was that was for. That was for going over my line.

[H. Foley]

I appreciate that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. A little vendetta.

[H. Foley]

Would you have a fruit by the foot?

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe. But I would have to eat it in a certain way. I'd have to unravel it all the way. Discard the trash and eat it that way.

[H. Foley]

That's the way I do it. I unravel the whole thing and then smoosh it up into a ball and eat it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I'm just not around if I'm. I'm around children if I'm around fruit. But they'd have to be like my. My. My brother.

[H. Foley]

What about bubble tape?

[Kevin Ryan]

If they. No, no. The bubble gum stops it. To me, listen, what am I, you know, who am I to me? Bubble gum stop. Like, you know, I'm not saying you can't enjoy. Let me get a piece of that. Bubblicious. Something like that.

[H. Foley]

I was trying to find that the other day at a bodega. They don't really have it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I would.

[H. Foley]

It's all sugar free gum.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would say bodega. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I was eating Big Red like a dickhead.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, man. Big Red used to make my buddy. Shit. It was crazy. Give him diarrhea. Why? I'd never seen anything like it. And it took. He loved it. And it took a month to figure out.

[H. Foley]

Talk about a couple of closers.

[Kevin Ryan]

It took. We were like. We were well into. We were well into our 20s, I think. And he's like. I don't know, just one of the spices in it or something ran through rosemary. Dude. We'd be like out at the bar and he'd be like, I gotta go home, dude. It was crazy. What? It was nuts. It was like. It was like. See as you see if you can find anything on. There's gotta be something. Unless he's in. Unless he's the only freak. Maybe it was the rumple.

[H. Foley]

There's probably something from when he was a kid. Probably some type of childhood trauma. His dad chewed Big Red and he smacked him around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got molested by Clifford.

[Luke]

It's like specific sweeteners, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[H. Foley]

What are the sweeteners?

[Kevin Ryan]

You got one.

[Luke]

Sucral rose aspartame.

[H. Foley]

That's not sucarros.

[Luke]

No, there's like a nut that was. That's sucrose.

[H. Foley]

And now. Wait, what are you making in Spanish?

[Luke]

S U C R A L O S E. Sucrose.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why do you. Hey, Javier. You just did the same thing. Edible panties. But I feel like. Listen, I think if you can you. Can you can have that stuff. This is a hard take by, you know, a guy. The Doritos trying to be an adult.

[H. Foley]

Doritos things nuts. But go ahead.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, if I'm somewhere, if I'm. And I'm saying this as for mature people, not us. I'm not saying stop eating Doritos. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if I walked in to like the guy who's doing my will and he was finishing up lunch with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

[H. Foley]

A little bag.

[Kevin Ryan]

Anything. Yeah. Give me. I give an odds some yet. That's. That's it. That's child Funyun.

[H. Foley]

He had a fun bag. Small bag of Funyuns on the thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can go eat her, but that's not great. You don't want your doctor eating Doritos.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you don't. Come on, give me that. Give me that. You don't want the guy in charge of your 401k, you know, eating a hot dog and Doritos. What?

[H. Foley]

That's my guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love them. But that guy's weak hat guy's going to fold.

[H. Foley]

That guy will flip on you.

[Kevin Ryan]

First line of questioning as soon as.

[H. Foley]

The southern district rolls in.

[Kevin Ryan]

A town. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Hey, a little bag of Fritos.

[Kevin Ryan]

What has he got on a plane and young guy comes out and he's finishing a bag of. A bag of Doritos and he's got a ring pop on.

[H. Foley]

Who's the young guy?

[Kevin Ryan]

The pilot. Oh, see what I'm saying?

[H. Foley]

Is he good looking?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, not really. Looks like me.

[H. Foley]

Is he coming out like. Yeah, dude, what's up?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, he's just like, just wrapping up. You got a candy necklace on. He's candy flipping. Isn't that something? Candy flipping?

[H. Foley]

No, I'm out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[H. Foley]

I'm going for the door, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've said this before. The first time. I hadn't flown in a very long time. Well over a decade. I was flying to see my boy Pat in Ireland when he was studying abroad. Bought the ticket for $421. With the money I sold my books. Take that. I was supposed to give that back to my mom. I did not. I was supposed to go towards student loans.

[H. Foley]

They got robbed on the way home.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guy got on. I was so nervous to fly again. I hadn't flown. Probably only flown maybe three times in my life as a child since Normandy. Hair looks good. Doors are open.

[H. Foley]

They do that in Band of Brothers. The guy One guy shits his pants, drops him like a mile and a half out of.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I get the. I was so nervous. The pilot got on the plane and I saw the pilot in the. In the whatchamacallit, in the duty free. I saw all pilot in the duty free buying to two cartons of Winston's. And then that was the pilot. That's good. Yeah. And I went, I want my guy smoking heaters, not eating Doritos. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[H. Foley]

He get Rollos.

[Kevin Ryan]

What the fuck? Yeah, you. Fuck that. I don't trust you.

[H. Foley]

Camp. It's like about Ethos.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Ethos, baby.

[H. Foley]

Dang. You got to have that life insurance. God forbid something goes south. You don't want to leave the family holding the bag as we say, walk outside, get hit by a bus, who knows. You want to make sure your family's covered and do yourself a favor, get Ethos to cover them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. If you or a friend has ever experienced a loss. You know, this stuff can happen pretty quickly and unexpectedly, which you got to get out in front of sometimes. And you got to be able to secure your family's financial future. If you're the breadwinner out there. You want to make sure, though, if. Make sure your loss of income is covered, like keeping up with the mortgage, tuition and other bills. I had a new baby recently. Obviously, as you know, it's. Thank you. It's made me rethink everything. If you've ever had a kid, you go, what's going to happen when I'm gone, if I can't work, blah, blah, blah. And if you've ever used these host, you know that it's easy peasy. There's no complicated process. It's 100% online. There's no medical exam required. Just answer a few questions about your health, you get a quote in as little as 10 minutes. Ethos is an online platform that makes getting life insurance fast and easy to protect your family's future in minutes, not months. That's a great line. You get up to $3 million in coverage. Some policies as low as $2 a day, billed monthly. Ethos is a trustworthy company that disrupts the traditional life insurance industry. Right now, you can protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get your free', @ethos.com garbage that's Ethos. E t h o s.com a y g protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get your free [e-mail] ayg that's e t h o s.com ayg Application times may rates may vary.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Let's talk about Harry's Shout out to Harry's, my favorite razor. I use Harry's. I get down here, I get it all cleaned up and nice. Feels fantastic. You buy those other razors, they're banging you out. For what? For this, that, the other thing. No good. That's a total scam. What you want to do is you want to go over to Harry's, my favorite razor to use.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. Harry's is their own world. Has their own world class blade factory in Germany. There's no outsourcing, no middlemen. And listen, that can pass that savings right on to you. They got a good product at an affordable price. None of this big branding, none of these big things. Big time. Harry's cut out the middle man. Straight to the guys. The same facility has been perfecting the blade making for over 100 years because they control the entire process from steel to shelf. Love that they keep the cost low. Why pay $34 for refills when Harry gives you better blades for a fraction of that?

[H. Foley]

Talking about the lubricating strip with vitamin E and aloe.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't have to. You just did. They got an advanced pivoting system to reach every corner of your face. Redefine blade tech for a closer smoother shave and weighted metal handle. Heavy. It's the Harry's heaviest handle ever. For added control and comfort, we're talking a heavy bike handle. For a limited time our listeners can get Harry's Plush Harry's Plush trial set for only $10 at Harry's.com garbage this set includes all new Harry's plus razors, one reef refined five blade cartridge, a two ounce foaming shave gel and a travel cover to protect your blades on the go. Just go to Harry's.com garbage to claim this offer and after the purchase are going to ask you how you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them the boys sent you. Love you, dude. If Mike, if my pilot is chewing Bubblicious and not fucking Big Red, that's a problem. Juicy Fruit. I'll give you that was in 1950s.

[H. Foley]

I judged the pilots on the cologne. If the cologne's too nice, you're making out with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're necking with these?

[H. Foley]

No, but you walk by and you get a little sour. I want to smell Brute, Old Spice, Aqua Velva, Stetson.

[Kevin Ryan]

My stepdad was.

[H. Foley]

They were in a fucking Vietnamese prison camp, you know what I'm saying?

[Kevin Ryan]

My mom still has the Stetson down the shore. It's made. It's made the move. Like his Stetson. And I took a whiff of it last time. That is.

[H. Foley]

Oh, Joe's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That is a man's.

[H. Foley]

You should spritz it at for yourself.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't. It brings me. It's just like. It takes me back to like what?

[H. Foley]

You making out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Me and him. That wasn't as tight. No, I just. I don't know. It takes me back to. Like a kid. Not in a good way.

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna start. Oh, good.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's how you start.

[H. Foley]

Wow. There we go. Talk about psyops. I'm gonna start wearing Stetson. Driving race cars.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Smoking heaters. Get a mustache.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do out of four. Ain't bed. You're drinking that. Like that mug. I feel like that mug's empty and you're drinking it like a Broadway actor. Does anybody else see that? Have you noticed that it's. You're moving way too much for there to be any liquid in there.

[H. Foley]

There's only a little bit in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. Shit. And you're doing big.

[H. Foley]

I drank it too fast.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're doing Big Gulps.

[H. Foley]

And my Todd Tucky cup.

[Kevin Ryan]

The last one was empty for sure.

[H. Foley]

Nah, it's still a bit in there. Do a little baby sips. I went through the cup. Now I don't want to be used. Reusable plastics.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. All right, new guy. And put an ad up on Craigslist. I need another idiot. I'm looking. You apply?

[H. Foley]

Send me the link.

[Kevin Ryan]

Come in. Hola.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, no more plastics for me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Yeah, I don't.

[H. Foley]

No more animal products either. Psych Burger.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got a fur coat on.

[H. Foley]

Are they ever coming back?

[Kevin Ryan]

Fur coats?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's kind of funny.

[Kevin Ryan]

I drove by one. There's a. You know, there's. In the. In New York City, there's the Garment District where they have just like all those weird stores that just sell like, random sweatsuits and wholesale shit. Yeah. I don't know who they have.

[H. Foley]

Like, who's buying.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't understand. I don't.

[H. Foley]

That's all Al Qaeda in my mind. They're wearing it. That they're wearing it. That's who's buying it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Al Qaeda's running around a bunch of fur coats, drinking empty mugs.

[H. Foley]

No, them sweatsuits, I figured I work out in that shit. Something. I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who's.

[H. Foley]

I don't know who's buying that.

[Kevin Ryan]

The videotapes I've seen.

[H. Foley]

It ain't jerseys.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're not all. They're not all wearing fucking Adidas. Matching sweatsuits.

[H. Foley]

Maybe if they did pick up the profile a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couple of cool guys. All right, all that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands.

[H. Foley]

Get the weekends out of there. You're killing me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. As you know, when you join the old Patreon, the greatest website of all time, we'll answer your garbage question on the ears. This one, you know, very relatively timely. This was from Adelais. Is it garbage to wear sports gear on vacation? I was just in Mexico on a trip on Sunday and there were tons of people wearing Eagles jerseys.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah. On Sunday.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got to push back. What? Let me fill you in.

[Luke]

Please.

[Kevin Ryan]

Go ahead.

[H. Foley]

I apologize.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're still upset about the Dorito thing. Hey, Gusher head Gushers too. You can't be doing. You can't be buying Gushers as an adult. I get all over my paperwork.

[H. Foley]

They make my teeth hurt.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never liked them. Never like them.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's not enough chew to like. They're like too mushy. There's no. Who are you?

[H. Foley]

Andy Rooney? You don't like nothing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember candy didn't taste good.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I like candy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cool.

[H. Foley]

Doritos.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, this is just a fact.

[H. Foley]

It was coal miner Doritos. I would eat it. I'm Kevin Ryan and I don't like anything fun. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's kind of funny. I didn't know who Andy Rooney was. And then they cut to him one time and I was like, this guy's got some good ideas.

[H. Foley]

He was funny as shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, there you go. Take that. Kippy Rooney coming at you.

[H. Foley]

Real Kippy Rooney's.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, cut to me. I got a tweed jacket on.

[H. Foley]

Dude, a tweed jacket will get you some fucking crazy eyebrows.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, Trev, hit me. What's the deal with fat friends?

[H. Foley]

That was more Godfrey Gilbert Affleck.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did go real Godfrey Gilbert.

[H. Foley]

Why is it called fruit by the foot? It's only 11 inches.

[Kevin Ryan]

Meh. Who's that?

[H. Foley]

You Kippy Rooney.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait. What?

[H. Foley]

I'll work on him.

[Kevin Ryan]

What voice was that?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. Are you got me confused with the Godfrey. And then going back and forth. That I have flag.

[Kevin Ryan]

I ain't taking stuff away.

[H. Foley]

I had it perfect for.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gather yourself.

[H. Foley]

I will.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hennigans.

[H. Foley]

Hot.

[Kevin Ryan]

You stink.

[H. Foley]

Oh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big red orange soda.

[H. Foley]

Stop telling people I'm a bad actor, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

I only told you that in confidence. I didn't know you were going to Blurt it out.

[H. Foley]

I want to say this about the jerseys. You remember that there was. There was an Eagles game when we were in Hawaii.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

It's a Sunday. If you know you're going to be on vacation and there's a Birds game, you bring your jersey or whatever you want to represent.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got to, I got to push back on a jersey poolside at the beach. I gotta push back. I go, I think vacation wins there. I'm not saying you can't support the team. You can't watch the game. You got a hat on. I think a jersey, a thick, NFL authentic jersey.

[H. Foley]

I can't do a jersey in hot weather.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I'm saying. I go like, put a T if you got a bird's T shirt or something. Show your tattoo. But like, I mean, if you got the elastic up around your arms at a swim up bar, you look like a bazo.

[H. Foley]

I didn't say a word. In the pool. The chlorine's gonna stain the fabric.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I was making a joke. And also the resort you put us up at, no swim up bar. I don't know if you remember that or not. Take another empty.

[H. Foley]

Swig it at if there's some in there. And you wouldn't know if there was anyway. I'll spill it on my good actor.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay? Yeah, I would. I'm not. Listen, I'm not here to say do it, don't do it. It's trashy. It's trashy.

[H. Foley]

Can I say this? And it's going to sound. I'm going to sound like a real jerk off. And this isn't just the Eagles.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let me smoke a cig.

[H. Foley]

For some teams. I can see that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

That you look like a sucker. Some teams.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

And I don't want to say who you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, it's all. It's all teams if. Unless you're at, like, you go to like the. Watch along. But I think if you're at a resort and the guy next to you doesn't have a shirt on and you have a thick Mike Mamula shirt on jersey, it's like you're. You're out of place. That's what I would say. I don't, I don't think sportswear is around the pool and the beach.

[Luke]

I think invest in some vacation sportswear.

[H. Foley]

If that's that Hawaiian.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. An Eagles T shirt. You're wearing that at the mall.

[H. Foley]

Jersey specific.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would say jerseys. Yeah. Too thick. It's. It's a. Hi, bro.

[H. Foley]

I'll give it to you. But if we're on vacation and I got my jersey on you, Start talking. You might get rocked.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't have a jersey. You just said you don't like them.

[H. Foley]

And now you know what they get me for Christmas. I'd like a nice jersey. Mine from high school.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I'd be cool if he got me a Widener jersey.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't get your hopes up.

[H. Foley]

I was 62. My Uncle Joe was 62. That's why you 62. In high school, College. They gave me like I was like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Double zero or something.

[Luke]

Like.

[H. Foley]

Or 98 weak. It was so big on me too.

[Kevin Ryan]

You were playing roulette. Yours is green. This guy don't get in much.

[H. Foley]

More of an outside better.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one is. This is from. Let's see. This is from Adam Resub. Tend Homie resubbed after being jammed up. Welcome back.

[H. Foley]

Hello.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hello.

[H. Foley]

I'm Kippy Rooney.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it garbage if your dad had to tie his shoelaces?

[H. Foley]

I don't like what this is.

[Kevin Ryan]

To his windshield wipers. So we could. Before he could get them fixed. I guess he was.

[H. Foley]

Wow. Huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Man. Coming from a guy who doesn't have a good windshield wiper sitch going on right now.

[H. Foley]

No shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's been bad since I bought the car. It's been bad.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Mine's still. The windshield wipers aren't great anyway. Yeah. The fog gets somewhere I can't get.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't.

[H. Foley]

I can't get it with the defrost. It's just after like a couple of days. It's streaky.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't know. Mine's not good. I asked when I took it in for a tune up last time. I asked him to throw a new set of blades on there.

[H. Foley]

That didn't work.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know if they did or not.

[H. Foley]

It's something with the angle you know you got to get. Is those two johns, the double blade wipers, the rain X. Oh, forget we've talked about. Forget about rain X. If everything worked as good as rain X. I mean, come on.

[Kevin Ryan]

But yeah.

[H. Foley]

That stuff's amazing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would argue if you're doing that, I'll let you do that to get out of a pinch. If you're in a monsoon, I recommend just pull over and wait for the rain to pass. If you don't got working windshield wipers. Sure. Me hand up. But if you're gonna do that, I. Great ingenuity. You made it work. How do you make the other one work though?

[H. Foley]

That's Three Stooges. Shit. Right there. You got the wife doing this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Looks like you, Donut. Mashed Potato I can do, man. You. I. What are you. You told. If you would ask me at 8 what the national dance is, I would have said the Mashed Potato.

[H. Foley]

Doing this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Every dude that would come.

[H. Foley]

I wish that would come back.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was ever a dance floor at a Sullivan family party, I. E. A christening at a wedding, something.

[H. Foley]

This is great for a fat kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I wasn't. I was over it.

[H. Foley]

Does the worm or makes you look like a jerk off?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Hey, bud. He's a family program. He's not thrusting, humping the floor.

[H. Foley]

It's always some cousin's fucking greasy boyfriend doing that shit. Fucking scumbag. Fucking coming in here, my fucking aunt's wedding. Fucking embarrassing everybody doing that fucking American Bandstand shit. That ain't my kind of rock and roll, buddy. I'll tell you that right fucking now. Do the fucking. You do the twist. You want to fucking shimmy it up a little bit. Do that. Fucking come in here, your fucking abs fucking sweaty.

[Kevin Ryan]

First times. One of the girls my family started dating, an Italian, Joey, dude, he showed up to Christmas. They must. She must have been. He was older too. And I think he's still around in our fam like somebody. He's somebody's course you can't get rid of him. He's somebody's nice kid guy. I mean he's probably.

[H. Foley]

If you want a stereo, he's probably.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pushing 50 at this point. Nice guy. That's such a Philly dirt bag. Good kid. He's got like four kids. He's retired. Okay. Got a pension. But he walked in, this is. This is down in Port Richmond. He walked into Christmas, Christmas Eve, I mean, slid in, in a head to toe Adidas tracksuit, brand new. Dude, he had the undershirt on the shoes. I mean, he got crucified and I didn't under. I was too young to understand why. I just saw the room, dude, they got him. They got him in like the. At the front door, like a mob hit. Like he opened the door and it was like, yeah, what the fuck? I mean, they were calling him and met him yet? No, they did. Some of them did, but he got. I mean he got crushed. And I remember the first time being like that suck. You got to hang out here, cuz. Cuz your girl, your girl. He should have just been like, you guys got me. I'm tagged, I'm out. I'm not hanging out here for three hours.

[H. Foley]

You ever play it the Other way. You were walking to Italian household. Fucking little Irish fat kid. They fucking ripped me to shreds. Uncle. Fucking one liner's in the corner. Fucking crucify me because I go up to get a fucking second plate of fucking angel hair guy. Fucking bust them out. You got a mustache, man. You're yelling at me. I'm fucking 14 years old. I have a fucking weight problem. The fuck I don't know. Tell your wife not to make fucking. The sauce so good. Maybe I wouldn't fucking be up here three times just crushing me. Brutal killing, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah. They all laugh.

[H. Foley]

Whole bottle of wine on the table, they made it. Killing me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking guidos. Food was so good, though. I took it. Yeah, that was.

[H. Foley]

That's, like when you realize what funny was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You know?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That was my kind of funny. Even though they were coming at me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Well, my. We met him. My Uncle Pat came to the Atlantic City show, and he was talking. He had his boy there, and his boy goes, I hear a lot of you, Kevin, in you. And I'm like, yeah, I'm just mimicking the funnier guys that were at the party growing up. You know what I mean? I'm like. I just took a little here, a little there, a little timing from him, act out from him, a little attitude from him. Got outbrended.

[H. Foley]

An artist doesn't create.

[Kevin Ryan]

He listens. Sure.

[H. Foley]

To my new book, An Artist Doesn't Create, He Listens.

[Kevin Ryan]

Drink from empty cups. Step one.

[H. Foley]

Still a little bit in there. I'll get to the first commercial break. Kevin, let's talk about Hexclad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Hexclad.

[H. Foley]

Talk about getting with the big dogs. We're selling Hexclad, baby. Let's go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, man.

[H. Foley]

Gang, it's the fall ordering out all that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's done.

[H. Foley]

You want to do a little cooking in the fall? In the winter, Hexclad is the way to go. The best on the market. Get some Hexclad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tell them.

[H. Foley]

The boys saying, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, guys, I've. This isn't even. This is just serendipitous timing. I bought a full set of Hexclads because I was tired with my bozo ass pans, cots and pans I had. And I came in, I started bragging about it on the show before they were even a sponsor.

[H. Foley]

I got the free ones.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's. I mean, you get. You. The eggs couldn't stick to this thing, even if you super glue it. Obviously, I'm speaking with hyperbole, but it's fantast that you feel like a pro. It takes the, it takes the stress out of oh my God, is this too hot? Is this too cold? The pan doesn't work.

[H. Foley]

You just feel good when you're cooking with them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uhhuh. I got. I got the six piece set. It's a perfect starter bundle for any kitchen. It includes three of their most popular pans with the matching lids give you everything you need to handle daily cooking with ease. From breakfast to dinner, these pans deliver pro level performance, effortless cleanup and durability to last a frigging lifetime. Game days are here. It's time to upgrade your kitchen for hosting season. Get 10% [e-mail] garbage and make sure your your spread is as strong as your lineup. Support the show and cook with gear as serious as your passion at Hexclad. H E X C l a d.com garbage let hexclad know we sent you and experience the ultimate upgrade in your kitchen with hexclad. Superior performance. Hexclad. Do it.

[H. Foley]

When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets. Mom 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone.

[Kevin Ryan]

Learn [e-mail] all right, this one's from Buglan Bad. Any ladies in your family obsessed with horses or wolves? That's a tough.

[H. Foley]

Horses. Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

And someone in your family?

[H. Foley]

My mom loves horses.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

She likes the trotters now. She loves horses.

[Kevin Ryan]

Never bet the trotters.

[H. Foley]

She talks. She. Okay. She had a horse.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

For like a minute. This was when she was in. I don't know. You get her on the phone, she starts. She acts like she's.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had the pony.

[H. Foley]

She's. Yeah, she actually. She's Catherine Hepburn or something like that. Just talking about like, you know, like she grew up on the farm or like around the Kentucky Derby. My Uncle Jack had horses or had a horse and up in Wilkes Barre or something. Yeah. I think somewhere up there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think that was like the prestigious horse. That was like a work.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or something.

[H. Foley]

An old mule.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. He'd ran out for parties or something.

[H. Foley]

Patches, it was called.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not. That's a dog's name at best. That ain't a horse's name.

[H. Foley]

And I Never seen it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Horse got three legs.

[H. Foley]

I don't even know where the fucking farm was. It could have been in a fucking empty lot around the corner for all I know. But I know my Uncle Jack, they're big in rodeo and all that stuff down in Texas. But this was, like, 1979. She said she had a horse, she used to ride it, and she loves horses. And for a minute, she was volunteering at, like. Like a horse farm. Like, brushing the horses and shit. I mean, you're gonna get kicked in the tit. What are you doing over there? Go to water aerobics like a normal person.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You're not a trained horse trainer. Probably doping them up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't think anyone in my family's ever been on a horse. I know Denise does not get close. Has never been close to a horse. I can.

[H. Foley]

Flat teeth.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can guarantee you that.

[H. Foley]

Wolves is extra trashy, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had a. There's a faction of my family, extended whatever family that lives up and up in the mountains.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it come down once about every 12 years.

[H. Foley]

No shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You get eyes on them. No kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's no bueno. Yeah, you'll. You. You would. There's no. There's no.

[H. Foley]

Like, the fireplace is always going at their house. See the smoke rising?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, there's. I don't even know what the house. Look. No one's ever been up there. They're like mountain people. Whoa. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Heavy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've only. I've seen them in the past 20 years once.

[H. Foley]

They smell like wood when they're around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. Huh. But she came down wooden gunpowder. She came down with one of those wolf shirts on to, like, an event.

[H. Foley]

Like, even Joey was making fun of her. Talk about me. Look at this broad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Different side of the family. Yeah. With a wool.

[H. Foley]

With a wolf like the one like Jack Black wears. Ian wears those kind of shirts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Like kitschy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. This wasn't kitschy. This was like. I'm putting. This is my nice shirt I'm putting on.

[H. Foley]

I don't get the wolves thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't get it either. They're. They're cool. They're a majestic. They're the. You know. Know, they're more spiritual.

[H. Foley]

Majestic until they're fucking ripping you apart on a fucking hike.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

I.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trust me, I agree.

[H. Foley]

They don't fuck around. They roll deep to 15, 20 of them. Pack them get you and they see. Do you ever see that big one? The one. That camera where it was, was a big, like, gray, black Wolf.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was huge. Yeah. We think they're like dogs. Actual wolves are like significantly bigger. Fuck you up your dog.

[H. Foley]

I don't get that. But I think they're cool. But I don't know. I remember being at somebody's house and they had like a painting of them behind the couch.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's so trashy. It's so trashy. They were big.

[Luke]

If it was like a Yellowstone portrait and you got some wolves in it. But I imagine it's like, what's a Yellowstone?

[H. Foley]

Oh, like, I think you meant to show. Are you related to Kevin Costner?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. Now that you say that. That same faction of the. Of the. Another branch of that was very like Southwest influenced. You know, like New Mexico. Wolfland. I don't. They. They had a. But she had a 3 Tex Mex. I don't.

[H. Foley]

With that turquoise jewelry.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pick a side, will you? Tex Mex.

[H. Foley]

Turquoise. Julian Tostadas.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember the first time I went out for Tex Mex. I didn't know what it was. This is. This is late in the game. I was proper mid 20s.

[H. Foley]

I just thought it was what they had at the Alamo.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't. I'm not even. I gotta be. I'm not sure what the Alamo is. That's right through my next.

[H. Foley]

A rental car place.

[Kevin Ryan]

They screw you the motherfuckers on me. Half a tank of gas. I went out with Phil X. He's like, let's go to Tex Mex. This is when we were like. I was becoming an adult, huh? A little bit.

[H. Foley]

You've had a Wheat then.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm still eating Doritos. And I thought I. I didn't know. I hadn't really started my foray into Mexican food. And there was just like. I got like the sausage. The smoked sausage sampler platter. Or it was it which was. Would have been for like 13 people or something like that. I ordered off the catering menu and he's like, really, like. He got like a bereaved. You know. I don't know what the he got.

[H. Foley]

That comes with seven salads.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it me or is that a lot of coleslaw?

[H. Foley]

That's a lot of coleslaw. You know, you up when the sides hit the table for like. Oh, and they put down like a holding thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was like. It was like wheels of sausage. You know what I mean? Like the roll. Like they got it from the grocery store and just cooked. Didn't cut this thing up or nothing.

[H. Foley]

What'd Phil say?

[Kevin Ryan]

I was just like, ah, this is a Lot. And he's like, yeah, it's a weird choice, man. I was just, like. Like, muscling through my knife. Blinking sauce.

[H. Foley]

The quinceanera platter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pretty sure he picked up that check. I didn't know what Tex Mex was.

[H. Foley]

I don't really understand what it is either. I'd like to try right now for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can you pull up the. The actual definition, see if Foley can define it?

[H. Foley]

There's beans involved.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I think it's a hybrid combination of Tex, Texas, and Mexican food.

[H. Foley]

Both Texas barbecue and Mexican food.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would. Yeah. I think it's a blending of the.

[H. Foley]

Two, but I feel like baked burritos on there for some reason. A burrito with sauce on top that you would eat with a fork and a knife.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you got?

[Luke]

Blend is the key word. Blend of Mexican and Southern American features. Originally characteristics of border regions of Texas and Mexico.

[H. Foley]

Hit me with a dish.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sausage platter.

[H. Foley]

Is it like when you put beans in chili, like. Cause Texas chili is no beans.

[Luke]

Defined by using ingredients like beef, yellow cheese, flour tortillas, along with spices like cumin. Key dishes include fajitas, nachos, chili, corn, carne.

[H. Foley]

Oh, okay. I gotcha. All right, so, okay.

[Luke]

Sour cream is like a big Tex Mex.

[H. Foley]

Oh, no shite. So it's not really anything. I got it. It's just Americanized Mexican food.

[Kevin Ryan]

A version of that. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Which I'm into. I like. I told you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

I like a traditional, but, you know. You hit me with an Ortega. Yeah, I'm in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. I'm right there with you.

[H. Foley]

Turn it right on in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Smoke something with you, dog. All right.

[H. Foley]

You got more of that sausage on you, big man.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, it was like. It was a lot.

[Luke]

Did you take it home?

[Kevin Ryan]

I doubt it. I think I was sleeping on his couch. Got it in your pocket. They're tough times.

[H. Foley]

Had such thought you were real jammed up you ordered that much food.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, he know. I mean, he's.

[H. Foley]

Man, I'll get you breakfast tomorrow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Nice is cool. What a loser.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I owe that kid so much money, it's crazy. It's crazy. So nuts.

[H. Foley]

I'll go down. Send me down whatever he needs, you know, Go ahead and shake hands. I'll do a golf thing with him. Let him show me off a little bit. It's fine.

[Kevin Ryan]

I hit. They offered to take me to his country club, and I don't know anything about the country clubs. Obviously. I'm more of a public.

[H. Foley]

Guys have sausage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Loser. Can you send me the menu? He's like, yeah, we can go here. I said, dare, son. I'm a goddamn half a celebrity. Taking me to that, though. I don't know anything about it. Fuck. I can't be seen going air public. Course this place sucks.

[H. Foley]

Ah, man, we stink.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I had a. I had a realization of, like, I. The struggle I had because as a, you know, now I'm a father, I've taken a lot of, like, you know.

[H. Foley]

You still talking about the sausage? Get over it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You misordered swinging a miss. No, just like, how much both of us. I would say you still, to a certain extent, struggle to be adults. Proper, functioning adults. It's bad.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

For a long time, we just didn't have the resources to do it. Now that I'm a father and I see the responsibility, I went, oh, people have been doing this. You think you're behind. You think you. This is. I never realized how immature I was once the fatherhood came and I was like, oh, everyone I know has been doing this for eight years.

[H. Foley]

And so you think attacking Doritos is going to turn this all around on you? Is that what this is?

[Kevin Ryan]

You didn't like the comment about the Doritos? I did not.

[H. Foley]

The American pastime. That's probably Doritos. Probably Tex Mex. Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, you're not wrong. This one's funny. This is from all the toast. 10 woodsman. How many tree stumps are in your yard? Bonus points if it's all stumps. I would. I think to me, they were my understanding of them. And they were very hard to get out up until like, 15, 20 years, 100%. It was like, what are you gonna do about this stump? You had to know a guy. Then the technology, they come and they drill it. They would burn them out, all that stuff.

[H. Foley]

The watch I saw.

[Kevin Ryan]

But now it seems like they could. They'll come over in 30 minutes and fucking zip them out because there's more.

[H. Foley]

Than machines out there and the technology is caught up. I remember watching that shit like it was fucking seeing fire for the first time. These dudes came over on a Saturday. It was done in five minutes. They just dropped this huge fucking thing. It was all. Well, it's all seeing instant mulch, wood chips everywhere.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crazy.

[H. Foley]

I had to rake that shit up. Fucking Paramount, busting my balls. But yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm. That's.

[H. Foley]

You ever try to go out one of those things? My dad, he must add a Coors.

[Kevin Ryan]

Later to win him try to take a stump out. Yeah, we were not. We were not. We were not large landscaping. We did we cut the grass, we redid the beds. My dad would drop the mulch, drop the rot. We would do that. But like, we knew there was better tools than us. Hacking at that for fucking A. Four day weekend, dude.

[H. Foley]

We were hacking at it. My dad's so pissed because those roots down there, they're like, flexible. They're not dry, they're moist. And you can't snap those things.

[Kevin Ryan]

I saw one, it was the chain around it and then a wheel. And if you use, like, if you put the wheel up, it acts as a fulcrum. Simple machines take you back to elementary school. Wheel. Yeah, you take a tire.

[H. Foley]

Uh huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like a truck tire, you wrap a chain around it and then a lot of people try to rip it, like with the back of their truck. Like they tow it.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, like they pull it. But this, you put a tire, like, say this is the chain. You put a tire here.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I got.

[Kevin Ryan]

Creates the frick. And that can absorb the tire. Can absorb the tension and create the whatever that pops it right out.

[H. Foley]

No shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I ain't doing it.

[H. Foley]

Fuck that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember there was one in my yard and my dad's yard, and I.

[H. Foley]

Kind of cool for a little while. If you had a big one, you sit on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember him going, yeah, you got it. We could burn this out. I were going, I was like, seven.

[H. Foley]

I'm like, we're not doing that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm like that. We're not. No, we're not. Try to light a tree on fire kind of guys. We have no experience doing that. We live in the suburb. Like, it's not like we're in like a country where you got like three acres and you can just burn it. Yeah, we don't have a burn pit, dude.

[Luke]

My dad tried to do that for one weekend.

[Kevin Ryan]

It takes like the week.

[H. Foley]

Burn one.

[Kevin Ryan]

It takes like two days.

[Luke]

And it didn't work out. And he just had to call in Tom Cachetta.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a good tree guy.

[H. Foley]

Tom Cachetta. Is he the tree guy or do you ever do that?

[Luke]

Tree guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow.

[H. Foley]

Tom Cachetta. Todd Cachetto that out in five minutes. You know what the hell you're doing, Lou? I'm kidding, sir. Please don't fire me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Also, I saw a comment somebody really thinks we sold to Luke's family's company, the Dempsey Group.

[H. Foley]

We didn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are those? Papers I signed.

[H. Foley]

Two guys coming to drag me away.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, God. All right, let's see here. Never. This is from Flatbush. Tommy. Never have one red. Let's see I've caught my old man adding salt to the pretzel bag. P. S. He's on high blood pressure meds. That's wild.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, because it doesn't stick to it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That was just in the bottom then.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Unless you. Maybe you flick some water in.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, flick some water on that first. Coat it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's still.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you meant because it's bad for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's what I meant. Because it's bad for you. It's also. It's like. I don't know. I'm a big pretzel guy.

[H. Foley]

I could go with a little more salt on my cheez it, to be honest with you. Not on my goldfish.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I don't.

[H. Foley]

But my cheese it. I could use a little hit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't hate that. But the pretzels, I feel are. You're buying the wrong pretzels. And you have many options of pretzels to get here.

[H. Foley]

I would say most of the time pretzels are too fucking salted.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. Yeah, I mean, they're well salted.

[H. Foley]

You ever catch those rods? Oh, fucking suck your eyes in the back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Screaming cold fucking root beer.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you do. Or the Snyders. That thick, like really real white salt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Love that.

[H. Foley]

Oh, man, that shit's brute. I end up scraping half of that off. Sometimes on a soft pretzel, do they do a little too much? Yeah, not Philly, but sometimes in the other ones, they go over the top. It's like, what the fuck?

[Kevin Ryan]

I used to get them a lot when I was very broke. I'd get a diet coke from the street vendor. Vendor. And those press up here.

[H. Foley]

Oh, they suck.

[Kevin Ryan]

Suck so bad. Especially coming from a pretzel culture.

[H. Foley]

Hey, dude, the soft pretty New York are whack. We should open up a soft pretzel place up here.

[Kevin Ryan]

You want to.

[H. Foley]

We'd clean up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do. We don't know how to make pretzels?

[H. Foley]

You get some drunk to do it. I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a good start to the business.

[H. Foley]

Some guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Larry Kleinschmidt. What's his name? What's your tree guy's name?

[H. Foley]

Thomas Shetty. Tom Cachetta. We could find.

[Kevin Ryan]

Find the. Find out if we can open up. What's the requirements for a south For a Philadelphia pretzel company? Just have them chip them up every day.

[H. Foley]

That's not a bad idea for a franchise. So. I know I'm not doing South Philly. Got our own spot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Then we have to make the pretzels.

[H. Foley]

Well, we'll Go down to Philly. We'll get our.

[Kevin Ryan]

Doing this every day. Yeah, I gotta be happy selling day. Your lazy is gonna try to be selling day olds in a week. I don't want to sit in traffic.

[H. Foley]

Can I finish?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

We go down to Philly, we find somebody that knows how to make pretzels. We put the screws to him and let him know that if he wants things to go nice, he'll do what we ask. We bring him up here, we tell him you're going to make pretzels for us. Get him to make the soft pretzels.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. I don't think anything can go wrong with that. Sounds like a. Seems like a foolproof plan.

[H. Foley]

We find the pretzel maker in Philly and hire him to come up here and make pretzels. We'll open them up brick and mortar. We'll ship around the country.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I'm out.

[H. Foley]

Do holiday pack.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm out.

[Luke]

I can get you 100 for 130.

[Kevin Ryan]

100 pretzels for 130 bucks? Yep.

[H. Foley]

So if we. What is it?

[Luke]

100 pretzels. $130?

[H. Foley]

Fuck that. You can't sell pretzels for more than.

[Kevin Ryan]

A dollar up here. You can for what? These yuppies, these tourists, they don't know what's going. This is your problem. You don't understand business. Granular, granular, granular.

[H. Foley]

Level these rubes up here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, dude, say you're walking down the street, you're from Philly. You're a heavier man. You indulge in the salty carbohydrates of said soft pretzels. You go, holy shit. He smelled and look like South Philly pretzels. And you pop in there and I go, hey, These pretzels, they're 250 each. Five bucks, two pretzels. What are you doing?

[H. Foley]

$3. Five for two. Two for five. That's how you do it. I'm deal quarters. $3 a pretzel. Two for five. Everyone's doing two for five. Two for five, that's 50. Times five is $250. I made $120 on the pretzels.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gotta take out gas.

[H. Foley]

I'll see you around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Take out gas, take out tolls.

[H. Foley]

Where do I get gas?

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta go down and buy these pretzels.

[H. Foley]

I thought this wasn't shipping too well.

[Luke]

I mean, we can ship these ones.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but you can't ship them. You can't be. You can't be selling day old pretzels. Yeah, Yelp will be all over.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I agree 100%.

[Kevin Ryan]

Two day old pretzels. You are a bazo.

[H. Foley]

That's a good idea in theory though.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think that's a good way to diversify. Open up a franchise. Are they franchising?

[H. Foley]

So do a Philly pretzel company up here?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I'm surprised nobody has.

[H. Foley]

It's gotta be one.

[Kevin Ryan]

They tried like the cheesesteak places. They don't really last either. It's weird. Rent's how high. You can't be selling dollar pretzels. I mean, but the pizza places do it.

[Luke]

Franchising starts at 150,000 or pretzels.

[H. Foley]

Look, just give us 20 pretzels.

[Kevin Ryan]

150,000 it says starts there.

[Luke]

It goes up. Depending on the store type. It goes up like 500, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

I used to watch.

[H. Foley]

What's the 501? Is it like slides and shit in there?

[Luke]

I bet if you're in a higher market, yeah, probably.

[Kevin Ryan]

Size of the thing too.

[Luke]

Store and.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, back to the drawing board.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember eating their hot dog pretzel. Like they're big that, you know.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I was going to temple. Night classes in Center City.

[H. Foley]

The burps on those things are, man, they.

[Kevin Ryan]

They sit with you for about 48 hours.

[H. Foley]

Oh, hold your hand like your grandmother.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk about day olds, dude.

[H. Foley]

It's like hospice. Fucking. Just hanging on. Brutal.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is an all time pro move. This is from Anton Bookie, recent $10 sleeper cell recruit here. Never like that. Never had one. Red. Is it garbage to hold on to winning scratchers in case you get jammed up and need a quick five to 20 bucks.

[H. Foley]

That's really smart.

[Kevin Ryan]

That is brilliant.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

I always go, let's lay it, if you win 10, I go buy an extra 10.

[H. Foley]

But I like this cuz you're not gonna. You're not gonna go and return it unless you really need it. So you're not gonna blow it. You're not gonna speak. If it was five and ten bucks just laying around that you could grab and go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's really. That's brill. That's like fucking. That's like a 401k to me.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh shit. 20 bucks. Oh, here you go. Let me go pop across the street, cashes. You got 20?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's great, man. That is like a dead. That's protecting you from yourself. That's what that is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not bad, right? Not bad.

[H. Foley]

Because, you know, it takes a lot to get my fat ass off the couch.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I'm saying, well aware. You with me on this.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm with you, big dog.

[H. Foley]

500 grand for fucking pretzels. Yeah, right.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see. This is from the Jersey bowl lot to unpack here. Ten dollar hand job. Never had one red. This is a three part.

[H. Foley]

Wow. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it garbage if your stepmom was your neighbor growing up? Okay, listening. I'm ready for part two.

[H. Foley]

Hey, man, people fall in love.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it more trashy if your dad and that got married on Halloween, which is my favorite holiday. This guy, come on. This guy's holding the grudges.

[H. Foley]

I didn't know where you stood until just now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it even more trashy that I went as a drag queen? Wait. You're very upset and I get that. I'm not here to tell you you can't be upset and call her whatever words you want to call her.

[H. Foley]

I respect it.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's that. I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened.

[H. Foley]

She ruined your Halloween.

[Kevin Ryan]

She stepped out. Yeah, you know, whatever. Your family got fractured for whatever reasons, you're not happy about it. I get.

[H. Foley]

Get that. Listen, I hear this.

[Kevin Ryan]

I hear Halloween wedding is wild.

[H. Foley]

Neighbor's stepmom getting married on Halloween. That's freak.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've never. Freaky deaky. I've never heard of.

[H. Foley]

If you're in the Halloween and you like dressing up, doing the weird. I'm with it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm. I get it. I've never heard of that. A Halloween wedding where everybody dresses up. That's dirt bag level.

[H. Foley]

He stuck it to him.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's also just a guy in a mask who's saying, I'll just wear the mat. Like no real outfit. I'll just do the mask. Got the screen mask on top of it.

[H. Foley]

Oh, my. I'm a guy getting back from work. That's who I am.

[Kevin Ryan]

Love to be better orders. Eating eyeballs and stuff. Olives. It's all spooky food.

[H. Foley]

How do you feel about that stuff that. My buddy makes a meatloaf foot every year.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's in. I mean, what are we doing? He's got kids. He better have kids. Tell me he's got kids.

[H. Foley]

No, that's with onion toenails.

[Luke]

That would be your crew, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

That is your crew. That's your squad, dude. Your onion toenail crew. That's who you are. That's a weak crew.

[H. Foley]

Nah, it's delicious.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is buddy at the table. I. That's.

[H. Foley]

I like Halloween cupcakes with the orange icing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, whatever.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, but I don't care for all that other Goofy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember we had one at our elementary school, like a haunted house in the gym. And I was part of it. They painted like walls. Like fake walls were like cardboard.

[H. Foley]

And how many kids did you scare with painting?

[Kevin Ryan]

I said, a lot. And I got big eyes. I had big bug eyes too, back then. And I was behind the. Behind the painting with my eyes, following the people. I mean, these are like five, six year eyes. And I had a spotlight under my eyes, freaking them out. Pretty good acting.

[H. Foley]

How old were you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Eight? Nine?

[H. Foley]

Wait, why are you doing it to little kids?

[Kevin Ryan]

I was working. I was working the goddamn program. Oh. O teacher said, do you want to do it? You got big bug eyes. I said, listen here. Yeah, I'll do it. But then there was man talking. They had the kitchen too, like the kit where they had spooky food and man, those olive eyeballs. You had to like, put your hand in there and like, reach for something. I said, you're out. You're gosh darn mind.

[H. Foley]

Two words. Kit Kat, please. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was like, no.

[H. Foley]

That means your teacher thought you were weird looking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

They weren't asking a good look. Nobody ever asked me to do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Okay.

[H. Foley]

I didn't get picked for Double Dare, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, why is that?

[H. Foley]

Because I wasn't in your pants.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sir. Sir. I'm pretty sure something told me. Sir.

[H. Foley]

The ultimate insult Call a little guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guy walks out, there's a line, he's got a clipboard. Excuse me.

[H. Foley]

Calling a little kid sir. Scre. Excuse me, sir.

[Kevin Ryan]

You didn't make it. And I'm pretty sure you yourself pretty sure there's fecal matter in your underwear.

[H. Foley]

He's got. No, they didn't pick me. I think I was good looking enough for tv. Nickelodeon.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. What did they ever go on to do? All right, we gotta wrap it up. Holy.

[H. Foley]

Hey, my buddy Steve won a whole thing. He's down here in Florida.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your crew stinks. Your crew absolutely stink, and you know it.

[H. Foley]

I'm sitting in the studio audience like.

[Kevin Ryan]

The rest of the loop losers in my pain.

[H. Foley]

Gang, do yourself a favor. Grab some tickets to that Philly show, December 13th. Come out and see us at the Metropolitan Theater. We love you to death and we'll see you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.