Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Cautionary Tales" Episode of Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode Information:

• Title: Cautionary Tales
• Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
• Release Date: March 27, 2025
• Description: In this episode, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley delve into a series of listener-submitted stories and scenarios to determine whether certain behaviors and anecdotes categorize individuals as "Garbage" or "Classy." Filled with humor, personal anecdotes, and sharp wit, the hosts navigate through a variety of cautionary tales that illuminate the fine line between quirky and questionable actions.

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Introduction to Cautionary Tales

The episode kicks off after initial promotions and advertisements, transitioning smoothly into the main content where the hosts focus on "Cautionary Tales." This segment features stories submitted by listeners, each presenting a scenario that the hosts dissect to evaluate the "garbage" factor.

---

Listener Questions and Discussions

1. Personal Pizza Orders During Spouse's Meal

• Listener: Kirk

• Scenario: Ordering a personal pizza after completing an entree while the spouse finishes their meal.

  Discussion Highlights:

  • H. Foley empathizes with the dilemma, sharing her own experiences: “I happened to be in this predicament just this weekend” ([18:09]).
  • Kevin Ryan humorously critiques the practicality of ordering pizza mid-meal: “You’re holding the plate, you’re holding the fucking slice. That's trashy” ([25:12]).

2. Eating Pizza While Driving

• Listener: Foley CPAP

• Scenario: Consuming a large pizza with the box on the dashboard while driving.

  Discussion Highlights:

  • Kevin Ryan acknowledges his fondness for eating in the car but concedes the messiness: “Nobody's eating a fucking large pizza off the dashboard. That's fucking trash” ([25:29]).
  • H. Foley adds to the critique by questioning the practicality and appearance: “That looks like we were robbed” ([09:21]).

3. Dressing Down a Waiter During a Family Dinner

• Listener: James

• Scenario: An uncle aggressively confronts a waiter over service issues at Gibson's Steakhouse.

  Discussion Highlights:

  • Kevin Ryan labels the behavior as "dickhead move" and emphasizes the inappropriateness of such actions in front of children: “You can't just be putting that up” ([51:17]).
  • H. Foley agrees, highlighting the negative example it sets for younger generations: “You’re just teaching that generation” ([53:08]).

4. Sliding Down Handrails on Stairs

• Listener: Tim

• Scenario: Sliding down handrails when walking down steps.

  Discussion Highlights:

  • H. Foley shares a childhood attempt and the resulting mishap, reinforcing the notion that such behavior is reckless: “The first time I tried to slide down the railing at my house, I went right over” ([43:38]).
  • Kevin Ryan warns about the dangers, linking it to potential injuries: “If you do that, that's crazy” ([43:32]).

5. Owning Excessive Tractors and Sharing Them

• Listener: Melly Mel

• Scenario: A father owns 21 tractors but only five are operational, reluctant to share them even for practical uses like mowing the lawn.

  Discussion Highlights:

  • Kevin Ryan questions the practicality and generosity, suggesting it’s “garbage” behavior: “You got 21 tractors, only four of them work. I mean, how big?” ([62:02]).
  • H. Foley humorously proposes solutions, highlighting the absurdity: “Take a broker one and fix it, bring it back” ([62:20]).

6. Taking a 12-Hour Bus Ride as a Teenager for Work

• Listener: CPAP

• Scenario: A teenager takes a long bus ride to work for a boyfriend’s company moving oil rigs, encountering a hostile lead hand.

  Discussion Highlights:

  • Kevin Ryan likens the situation to child labor, critiquing the exploitative nature: “It probably sounds like child labor, which I'm okay with” ([54:10]).
  • H. Foley expresses relief that her own upbringing didn't involve such exploitation: “I’m glad my parents weren't like that” ([54:54]).

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Key Themes and Insights

1. Generosity vs. Greed: The episode explores the thin line between being generous and overly possessive, as seen in the story about the father with numerous tractors. The hosts emphasize the importance of sharing and practicality over hoarding resources.

2. Public Conduct and Role Modeling: Through the story of the uncle confronting a waiter, the hosts discuss how adults' public behavior greatly influences younger generations. They highlight the responsibility of adults to maintain decorum, especially in family settings.

3. Safety and Recklessness: Sliding down handrails and eating while driving are scrutinized for their inherent dangers. The hosts use humor to underscore the potential risks, advocating for safer, more responsible actions.

4. Exploitation and Childhood Experiences: The discussion about the teenager's long bus ride to work raises questions about exploitation and the impact of childhood experiences on one's perception of work and responsibility.

5. Personal Anecdotes Enhance Relatability: Both hosts share personal stories and childhood memories, creating a relatable and engaging atmosphere. This approach not only entertains but also provides depth to their comedic insights.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Kevin Ryan on Public Behavior: “You can’t just be putting that up” ([51:17]).
• H. Foley on Setting Examples: “You’re just teaching that generation” ([53:08]).
• Kevin Ryan on Eating Pizza in Car: “Nobody's eating a fucking large pizza off the dashboard. That's fucking trash” ([25:29]).
• H. Foley on Sliding Down Handrails: “That’s crazy” ([43:32]).
• Kevin Ryan on Tractor Hoarding: “You got 21 tractors, only four of them work. I mean, how big?” ([62:02]).
• H. Foley on Exploitative Work: “I’m glad my parents weren’t like that” ([54:54]).

---

Conclusion

In "Cautionary Tales," Kevin Ryan and H. Foley adeptly blend humor with critical social observations, dissecting listener-submitted scenarios to determine their "garbage" status. Through engaging discussions and personal anecdotes, the hosts highlight essential lessons on generosity, responsible behavior, and the impact of one's actions on others. This episode serves as both an entertaining and insightful exploration of everyday dilemmas, reinforcing the podcast's unique blend of comedy and candid conversation.

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Additional Notes:

• Promotions Skipped: The initial segments containing advertisements for concert tickets, Open Phone, Progressive Insurance, and the RU Garbage card game were omitted to focus solely on the episode's core content.
• Listener Engagement: The hosts encourage listener participation through Patreon, where submissions and interactions are featured, fostering a community-driven environment.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Hear ye, hear ye. The good people of Pittsburgh and Cleveland. The boys are coming for that Back on the block tour. We added second shows, and they're selling fast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, baby. April 14th, we're going to be at the Pittsburgh improv. And then April 16th, we're going to be at Hilarities in Cleveland. Tickets are going fast. The first show's sold out. Second show's now high demand. Get the tickets. We'll see you there.

[H. Foley]

See you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are you Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy or they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, Paige Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. Tonight's strip poker night.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay?

[H. Foley]

So we gotta be out of the house.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right.

[H. Foley]

Just her and another guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ooh, I wonder. She's gonna bluff every. Ah, shit. You got me.

[H. Foley]

Mike Hoes is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman, and he's the king of the burbs, baby. Give it up for kj. Kevin James Ryan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

How you doing Spackling this weekend.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kim the Tool Man Taylor out here. Yeah. King of the burbs. Shout out to everybody tuning in as always, please make sure you rate review. Subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available now on Spotify. And apparently those numbers are cooking over. All right over there then obviously the greatest website of all time. Www.patreon.com R. Garbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. And last but not least, the new RU garbage card game is out. Available on r garbage.com the 3rd edition. The 3rd 2025 edition. If you act now, you don't save, you don't get a discount. So just get them.

[H. Foley]

Make a move.

[Kevin Ryan]

They are cooking while supplies last. Yeah. So this is. This is pretty cool. We're stoked about it. It's over, I think. 50 new questions. Some you've heard, some you haven't heard, some from the writers room. You know, some of your favorites this is the third one. We're fucking super proud of it. Go get it. You can play with your friends, your family. I'm legally not allowed to say it's a drinking game, so.

[H. Foley]

But it's a drinking game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah, easy does it. I mean they're coming after you. And 30 if you get jammed up. I had nothing to do with that. We got the tape.

[H. Foley]

You like getting fucked up and calling your grandmother trash? Pick up the card pack. You had time for Easter. You got Memorial Day coming up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I have somebody has told me that their Dominican grandmother did not like being called besoughta. They're like, you're trash. He's like, shut up. Hitting him with a slipper or something.

[H. Foley]

Like that reporter that threw the slipper.

[Kevin Ryan]

I am the king of the burbs. Self appointed king of the burbs lot. A lot of man work I'm doing down there. Yeah, no, not really. That was moving mostly a photo op. I had my cousin Michael come to.

[H. Foley]

What room? What? This is all for the nursery.

[Kevin Ryan]

Doing a nursery.

[H. Foley]

What room is that in the house?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a garage. What do you mean? It's a goddamn bedroom.

[H. Foley]

Bedroom upstairs? Yeah. How many bedrooms is that house?

[Kevin Ryan]

You ask a lot of questions.

[H. Foley]

What is that three bedroom?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a four.

[H. Foley]

Including the honeymoon. The in law suite. So you got three bedrooms upstairs, one for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

An office.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

And now the baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

These are a lot. I mean, listen, there's not a lot of furniture in any of these rooms. There are a lot of nondescript rooms with my dirty socks in them. So what a bed for Hans.

[H. Foley]

What did you decide on which room for the baby? Because that's big. That's gonna be his room. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You pick a good one for him.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I don't. What's the difference between a good room and a boy in full evolved? Quick, quick pit stop and full.

[H. Foley]

Is it far away from your room?

[Kevin Ryan]

The way the house is in high.

[H. Foley]

School, you can have broads over.

[Kevin Ryan]

The way the house is set up, there's no four. You go up the stairs and all four doors come off that. There's no like down the hall.

[H. Foley]

Does he have a window?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he's got a window. What's the crank heaters out?

[H. Foley]

What? Can he get out that window onto the roof and then sneak down and go meet his boys?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

He'd get away.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Also like go sneak out, go. I don't care. Take the car as a baby. Just fill it up. Fill up the gas tank. I don't care. This baby shouldn't be driving. What you want for me? Kids these days, you know?

[H. Foley]

Okay. All right. Just because that's big.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had to do some spackle. This is, like, also a very garbage thing that I've realized, man, I was cursing the previous owner of this house.

[H. Foley]

Got a lemon.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just like he tried to do work himself, it looks like. Like I would do it. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

In this room.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not good. Just like the tram. I think he did the windows himself. Them things are lumpy as a mofo. Um, yeah.

[H. Foley]

You know, put them in himself.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. It's a lot of.

[H. Foley]

You got to sand all that shit down.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thanks, guy. What do you think? Listen, you're talking to the king of the burbs. I know. Okay? I know this.

[H. Foley]

I'll come down and help you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, these delusions of grandeur you have about being handy, although a lot of people. I did not expect it. Commented on the picture I posted. I didn't realize I was barefoot on a ladder, which sounds like. Dude, your bear. First comment was like, you're barefoot on a ladder.

[H. Foley]

You have plump calves, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got. Yeah, heavy, like turkey breast.

[H. Foley]

Calves, sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Turkey legs.

[H. Foley]

No. Golden oven turkey breast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Dietz and Watson.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk about bone in.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Tomahawk Kippy.

[Kevin Ryan]

So this happened. So I got a picture here I want to show you. This is. As you know, we're getting the house ready to. The house in the burbs ready. But this is it. This is. This is in the house. It's one of those things that you never know. Like, things start breaking a little bit. Not breaking, but like. Ah, there's an issue. We have. We have a piece of furniture in the hallway in New York, and it started slipping a lot. That's weird. That drawer doesn't close. You know, whatever. What we got to get on that.

[H. Foley]

You have a credenza in the hallway.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's just like a chest of drawers. Okay, whatever. I don't know what they're called. Like a tall, narrow thing of drawers.

[H. Foley]

That's not a Chester, is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Chester chest of drawers.

[H. Foley]

A chest of. Oh, I thought it was Chester. Like, Chester drawers.

[Kevin Ryan]

My father was Chester drawers. It's chest of drawers.

[H. Foley]

Is that true?

[Kevin Ryan]

Chest of drawers?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it is a chest of drawers. That doesn't sound right.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? I don't understand how that doesn't sound right to you. A chest of drawers? Yeah, like a wooden. Like a. Like a. Like a treasure chest. That's a chest. And this is a chest of drawers.

[H. Foley]

Okay. You have one of those in your hallway.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're getting bogged down on the. Yeah, tall skinny one we have in the hallway.

[H. Foley]

What's in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Toiletry stuff. Bathroom stuff.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because we don't have like a medicine cabinet. There's no, like. I got some, you know, dish, not dish, like hand towels or whatever in there. And my toiletry, my hair product, my tweezers, my beard trimmer. Her makeup sounds a little trashy.

[H. Foley]

You got a fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, wait till you see the picture. It's not. Hold on, hold on, hold on. It's not trashy. It's. It's a New York. It's a one bedroom New York apartment. That's what we got. There's nowhere else to put it. So there's like a little cubby in the hallway where we put this thing. But the bottom drawer had like, not closed properly.

[H. Foley]

I know what you're talking. It's Ikea.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, but it's not that far off.

[H. Foley]

Did you put it together yourself?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Did you buy it off Facebook Marketplace?

[Kevin Ryan]

I genuinely forget where we got it.

[H. Foley]

I came assembled.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't remember. Right? I don't remember. I swear to God, I don't remember.

[H. Foley]

Let's see this thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

We might have had one of the handy guys put it together or something, but this is what it looks like. Bad teeth, dude.

[H. Foley]

At least like a 5.5 magnitude earthquake right there. What the fuck?

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean, you know what happened?

[Kevin Ryan]

The bad. The bottom one.

[H. Foley]

Okay, that looks like a John Wick style fight. Happened moments before this picture was taken.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dudes, what the fuck is that? I walked, I turned the corner and like. So the bottom one had went.

[H. Foley]

Wait, hold on. This is the way a guy come in? That's the way it looks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, not anymore, but that's what it was looking like. Yeah, we. I just replaced it.

[H. Foley]

How. Wait, that. That's insane.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, I'm well aware. Hence why I took a picture of it. So you could shit on it.

[H. Foley]

So it was like that for a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Day or two to the point where I turned the corner. I was like, this is insane.

[H. Foley]

How did it fall apart? I mean, that. They're not even closing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, look at the. It's from the bottom. The one, two, the third one. It's like going in like that. You see the bottom one under the one that's hanging?

[H. Foley]

You really undersold that. That thing's a mess.

[Kevin Ryan]

So listen, the box broken for sure, dude. For sure.

[H. Foley]

What is that, a sleeping bag in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

They were like bath towels. They were in the.

[H. Foley]

Why are they all ripped out like that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Because it won't close. They don't close.

[H. Foley]

So you stuff them in there. Like, how about putting less stuff in there? I mean, that looks like you were running.

[Kevin Ryan]

That looks like we were robbed.

[H. Foley]

The feds tossed the place.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. No. So this is what happened.

[H. Foley]

This was.

[Kevin Ryan]

This all escalated within about 48 hours, right? So the bottom one wasn't closing. We're like, what the. I'm like, what the fuck? So I'm looking and then otherwise the.

[H. Foley]

Rest of them were normal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everything was lined up. And the 48 hours ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I swear to God, Building seven didn't fall on its own.

[H. Foley]

I mean, that's insane.

[Kevin Ryan]

Steel doesn't burn, dude. So listen, so the bottom one, we took the bot. We took the drawers out to clean. And I guess when I was taking the bottom one out, I roughly got.

[H. Foley]

It off the hinges.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're fucked. No. So you know how like this stuff. It's like that shitty particle board, they popped in with the. With this, the little wooden on the.

[H. Foley]

Bottom, it's the worst.

[Kevin Ryan]

And if that popped out, you're done, right? So the bottom one.

[H. Foley]

Sell the house.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know they fell like at the fucking Tower of Pisa, dude. This thing. So the bottom one, I'm going, what the. I'm. And it would. It drop. It wouldn't stay on the tracks. It would drop to the bottom. So I got. I gotta look at that. But it's always like, I'm running out. I'm like, I gotta look at. I'll look at it this weekend. And then, dude, that was like Tuesday. And then by fucking Thursday, I turned the corner and I went, babe, we look like crackhead. We look like we're squatters. We have to get like. This is. So the. The second. The second one from the bottom went, then they all. They were all being propped up. It was a puppet regime. Dude, that's terrible. That's horrible. Right? I was like, this is. We have to get rid of this. Because then we were gonna wait for a new one. But I'm like, no, we. Someone can't come over and see this.

[H. Foley]

If you would. You can't go in there with a screwdriver and tighten that up or.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guy. Don't you think I would have thought.

[H. Foley]

I don't know what you did. It looks like you fucking tried to throw it out the window. I mean, that's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

It looks like I found it in a dumpster.

[H. Foley]

Wait, so you so Those towels are where they live. Like, that's how you kept it in there. Were you trying to fix it when you took this picture? Is that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was like I was going to the bathroom and saw that. That's crazy, right?

[H. Foley]

Try folding the towels. They said it's stuffing them in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

They weren't stuffed. That's what you're not getting.

[H. Foley]

Stuffed. That's not folded.

[Kevin Ryan]

It doesn't close. So they've.

[H. Foley]

They've ripped up too many in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, hold on, guy. You're getting bogged down on the wrong details. That's push. Trying to push it close. Push. The other drawer doesn't let it close. There was only 2,000 there. They would slide in. But since the other drawer, as you see, is impeding the closure of it because that's down at a 45 degree angle pointing down. That's like a tooth going in there.

[H. Foley]

Yikes.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's tough, right?

[H. Foley]

No, looks good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, it's. It's. It's since been replaced, but that's a. That's how we were living for. And I. Listen, I'm not. I'm not defending myself here. This is indefensible. But that was. The bottom one went. I was like, I'll take a look at it. Maybe I can hit it with the drill and tighten it back up. And then they all just.

[H. Foley]

Jesus Christ.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fell like dominoes.

[H. Foley]

The paint looks nice, though. Floors look clean. Those towels look ratty, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, mine ain't mine.

[H. Foley]

This.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. We had to get those. We got new towels, too. Things were tough.

[H. Foley]

And it looks like you're trying to roll them. No folding.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're getting too bogged down on the placement of the. That's not how we keep the towel.

[H. Foley]

That is how you keep the towels.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, that's me trying to close the drawer, the drawer above it, not letting it close and pushing the towels out. That's not how the towels are kept. Okay, listen, that you're upset about the towels out of this whole thing. That's crazy.

[H. Foley]

And the other empty room behind it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You just can't see the bed.

[H. Foley]

Okay. Money made magic happen.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's actually outside on a park bench. I like a voyeur.

[H. Foley]

Take a peek. Huh? Yeah, that's pretty bad, dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's jammed the fuck up.

[H. Foley]

That ain't that other door right there. Where's that go?

[Kevin Ryan]

That goes into the bathroom.

[H. Foley]

Okay. All right. Now that makes sense. I thought this was like on the way out to the front door, like.

[Kevin Ryan]

In the toiletries there.

[H. Foley]

I don't know what the Fuck. I don't know what you're doing over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, listen, point taken. Listen, I'm pushing back.

[H. Foley]

I'm surprised there's not dishes and shit in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what's within the third. That's what's in the third drawer. That's where we keep silverware. Keep the dense.

[H. Foley]

Speaking of which, I'd love to be in a position where I know this is a very old. Sexually, this is an old school thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

But to have, like, the plates and dishes in the dining room, like, old school.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

Like, for a second, we had a dining room at our house in Wilkes Barre. And my mom had like a look like a briefcase of, like, china of good silverware. I don't know what happened, though. It probably got hot.

[Kevin Ryan]

A briefcase.

[H. Foley]

That's what it looks like is a briefcase.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

And it was sitting next to the china cabinet, which had the nice dishes in there that they got from their wedding.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

That we weren't allowed to use. Now they throw them in the microwave and all that stuff. Yeah, there's some now.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not the new codes. That's not. That's not the brief, dude. His parents would have scrapped that thing and sold it for the stainless. Got this. Whatever they could get for stainless out of it.

[H. Foley]

Something like that's got 2 million in cash in it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. That's handcuffed to someone's hand.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you want to do that?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. I saw. I was watching Seabiscuit the other day, and it was nice when. When the. When Red's parents had money in the beginning, they got a plate and put it down.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I look nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Nice to have that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. That's rich guy shit.

[H. Foley]

Maybe it was Bridge of Spies. I can't remember.

[Kevin Ryan]

Busy weekend.

[H. Foley]

All right, well, sounds like things are going well. Did you spackle the holes up?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I spackled. Spackled look good.

[H. Foley]

What color are you gonna paint their kids room?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's painted.

[H. Foley]

You just spackled?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's about. That's like 30 minutes spackle now.

[H. Foley]

No, but you got to paint over that now, don't you?

[Kevin Ryan]

I just said it was painted. What are you talking about?

[H. Foley]

Painted? After you spackle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guy who clear doesn't know how to spackle. You talking about getting a burp?

[H. Foley]

You spackle first, then you paint. So you spackled, then painted the room. What color did you paint it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Am I having a stroke here? Yeah. Blue.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

What color would you paint a boy's room?

[H. Foley]

Put Some race cars or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What color would the walls be?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. Blue maybe.

[Kevin Ryan]

And a burnt sesame. Very nice.

[H. Foley]

Very nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get the crib ordered?

[H. Foley]

Ordered?

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

What'd you go with?

[Kevin Ryan]

I forget.

[H. Foley]

Just using those drawers.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got the drawers.

[H. Foley]

Repurpose it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't need more than that, Ken.

[H. Foley]

Let's talk about Open Phone.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to openphone. Gang.

[H. Foley]

Gang. If you're running a business these days, you know that every missed call is leaving cash on the table. When a customer conversation means the world to you, you got to make sure that you stay connected. That's why you need a phone system that will do so. And that's why you need Open Phone. In today's fast moving world, your team needs to stay connected to your customers. Without missed messages, communication silos, or slow phone systems, A flexible and efficient business phone system isn't just a nice thing to have, it's essential to succeed in today's world. We're talking Open Phone.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. Open Phone is the number one business phone system that streamlines and scales your customer communications. It works through an app on your phone or computer. So no more carrying around two phones like a bozo, which I was doing up until Open Phone, but I think I am streamlined. Your team can share one number, collaborate on customer calls like text and a shared inbox, baby. Open phone is offering our listeners 20% off your first six [e-mail] garbage. That's open phone. O P E N P H o n e.com garbage. And if you have an existing number with another service, Open phone will port them over at no extra charge because they take care of you over there. Open Phone. No missed calls. No missed calls. No missed customers. Do it. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that.

[H. Foley]

Fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and.

[Kevin Ryan]

Affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. I got a goddamn family episode, gang. As you know, when you sign up for Patreon, we will answer your question on the air. Got two tree humdingers here. This one. All right. This is from Kirk. First time, long time. As a notoriously fast eater, is it garbage to order yourself a personal pizza once you're done your entree so you have something to eat while your wife finishes up her meal? If it helps, she's completely okay with it.

[H. Foley]

Very, very good. Qu. Very Very strong predicament. I happen to be in this predicament just this weekend, to be honest with. Not the personal pan pizza.

[Kevin Ryan]

Unc biscuit. Think it needs you gonna finish that cornmeal boy.

[H. Foley]

Split a half an apple with him. I went out to dinner with the bird and Patty. Great place down here. From the Boot. Shout out to it. Delicious roasted garlic wings.

[Kevin Ryan]

From the Boot.

[H. Foley]

From the Boots. The name of the joke.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's real Philly guinea, dude. Where is it?

[H. Foley]

A couple locations. This one's near. Over near where Patty lives. But they. They got a couple locations. I got one over in Ambler. They got one, I think on in Lafayette Hill or something like that. I don't know. But delicious. Anyway, we got some calamari and some wings. All right. I had a bit of a late lunch. The girls got.

[Kevin Ryan]

Eating wings with your mom seems crazy to me. I don't know why. I've definitely ordered wings, but like, me and my brother and my mom save.

[H. Foley]

The flats for me. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. Just, you know, order wings. Is that ranch? Ordering wings with splitting wings with your mom now.

[H. Foley]

They do this blue cheese sauce. That's fucking unbelievable. It's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, is this from the Boot?

[H. Foley]

It's from the Boot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who picked up the check here?

[H. Foley]

What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know with you. I did. Okay.

[H. Foley]

I always pick up the check for Patty. Playing a long con on her.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Got a little bit of cash. Straighten me out a couple of wings.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at the wings.

[H. Foley]

Keep running. Of a nursing home.

[Kevin Ryan]

Filet mignon. 44 bucks.

[H. Foley]

It's a nice place. Delicious.

[Kevin Ryan]

Christ.

[H. Foley]

Delicious.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? They got a chicken par. No chicken parm sandwich.

[H. Foley]

They have a chicken parm on there?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, they do not go up.

[H. Foley]

They don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, parmesan right there. Thank God. Italian health inspector. Go in there and shut them down.

[H. Foley]

But I just going to sound crazy. But they do a great house salad. All right. With a homemade balsamic vinaigrette.

[Kevin Ryan]

And why would that be crazy?

[H. Foley]

Me eating a house salad as an entree?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

With crumbled blue cheese and croutons. It's awesome. So I got that as a hot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sauce and wings, no chicken. Pour them on top of it.

[H. Foley]

I got that as a. As an entree with some. Some grilled shrimp on it. All right. But they had big pasta plates, so I was done. And I was just kind of sitting there sipping a nice tea and I didn't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Under your breath a little bit. I get it.

[H. Foley]

Listen, wrap this up so I do respect this Move. Because you can't just be sitting there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. Listen, I totally agree with you, but how would. Would you order it at the same time, or would you order it after. You got to order it this. Because if you order, you got to think that's going to be at least 15 minutes till it comes out.

[H. Foley]

I would.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're sitting there with your dick in your hand.

[H. Foley]

If you would ask me this, maybe, like a month ago, I would have told you something different. But I also learned a lesson when me, you, and Ryan D. Went out and got a bite to eat in Austin, because I was the only one that had a second. I had three courses because I got a soup after the appetizer course. I had a soup, and you guys were. You guys were sitting there, and I was eating my soup, which I didn't finish because I felt pressured. So I pushed that aside. It was a lobster bisque. It was delicious. So I would probably order it when the guy came back, I think on us, I would like. Halfway through the entries, I would say, hey, why don't you throw me in a personal pan pizza?

[Kevin Ryan]

I got one. I would do it as the food gets dropped.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, by the way, you might throw it in a personal pan pizza.

[H. Foley]

We're going to split it on a side. On a side note, how do you feel about.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pretty good.

[H. Foley]

Let's say you, the bird. I don't know. Denise, go out to dinner. But your. Your brother's at the house. I don't know. Watching the dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. This is a weird system we got going on here, but I'm listening.

[H. Foley]

Are you okay with. When you put the entrees in to say, hey, also, can you do chicken parm? To go.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just had to do this when we were on the road. I got breakfast for all you guys. Me and Rubinoff went to the. Whatever. And, you know. Well, you're saying you don't.

[H. Foley]

I don't like it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't love it. It's a little weird. I just. We never did it growing up.

[H. Foley]

I feel like you got. Yeah. You got to explain. Listen, if you miss dinner, you miss dinner.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't disagree.

[H. Foley]

I'm not bringing you something back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Because now we got someone at the house. Can you just. And then that doesn't come out in time, and you're waiting around, or it comes out doing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it's fine. I mean, I think it's probably more. It's norm. More normalized now. I would assume. I would assume people like Luke. My mommy does it for me every Time.

[H. Foley]

Really? Like if they. If say if you're.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can watch my programs at home and then I get a nice meal.

[H. Foley]

So if you're at the house in Connecticut and they're like, we're going out to dinner. Why don't you just go to dinner with them now?

[Kevin Ryan]

I usually do, but, like, you know, an end of college, I'm playing video games. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

No. You son of a bitch. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was never all. If we didn't go to dinner, you weren't fucking.

[H. Foley]

If you got some leftovers, you were lucky. And it was someplace that was usually.

[Kevin Ryan]

So if my mom's going. If my parents were going to dinner, mom, stepdad, stepmom or stepdad or dad, they're leaving and I'm staying at the house. I'm getting 20 to order a Zah.

[H. Foley]

Sure, sure. But maybe they would just bring back some.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. If there was leftovers, everyone there. You. You weren't getting what they were getting.

[H. Foley]

See, that's funny. That's the difference between.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it's an age thing, how.

[H. Foley]

You grew up and how we.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is also later in life, to be honest. This is probably fucking 18 months ago.

[H. Foley]

No, but if my parents were going out to. There was dinners that we would get to go to that we would go out to as a family. If, like, the cousins were all going. But then there were also dinners that, like, my parents would go out to. It would usually be a little nicer of a joint. They'd go with another couple.

[Kevin Ryan]

And those times I would sometimes get a meal after. That's crazy.

[H. Foley]

You fucking for evil?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No, never. That would never. Man. These kids are.

[H. Foley]

I'm picking through some old spareribs that my dad sucked.

[Kevin Ryan]

Burrata. You get appetizers, they're dropping them. You're like, come on, bread, please. That's crazy. Off. Dude.

[H. Foley]

Great question.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great question.

[H. Foley]

Respect the move.

[Kevin Ryan]

On the. On the. In the same world of pizza. Foley's, Ozempy. Foley's Ozempi. Dealer. First time, long time. Are you garbage if you eat pizza while driving? My wife thinks this is crazy. To eat a large pie with the box on the dash on my way home from work. P.S. i drive a PT Cruiser, by the way.

[H. Foley]

Yikes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, listen.

[H. Foley]

Depends on the pizza. What's the flop situation? How hot is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think.

[H. Foley]

What's the oil?

[Kevin Ryan]

I would say. No, that's a pizza. Listen, I'm a fat ass. I like eating in a car. I like eating. I love pizza. Flatbread free, king of the burbs. No big deal. Can of boards, you know, all of this shout out Sam's pizza. But I, as somebody who's eating pizza in the car, typically like a slide, I'll get a slice. You know, if we were like driving down the shore to Philly to see my mom or whatever, I'd get us and I, we were starving. I'd get a slice in the neighborhood and like eat it in like a couple of minutes.

[H. Foley]

But you're not driving.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm driving.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you're driving.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. She was like, hold it. And I would like just fucking. I'm like scarfing it just to get something in my belly.

[H. Foley]

That mess.

[Kevin Ryan]

Drive on an empty stomach.

[H. Foley]

Pizza is a very, very, very, very strong bite and sip combo.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it's a two, it's a two handed dish. Unless you get like, you get a dollar slice. It's pretty crisp and you crush it, but it's still. You're holding the plate, you're holding the fucking slice. I would say it's trashy. I mean no one's eating. Otherwise people be doing it more. Nobody's eating a fucking large pizza off the dashboard. That's fucking trash.

[H. Foley]

Is the pizza for the rest of the family when you get home? Is he going home to dinner with the family?

[Kevin Ryan]

Large pie. It's gotta be.

[H. Foley]

So he's showing up with a, with the half eaten pie or three slices taken out.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's no good.

[H. Foley]

My dad would have freaked out.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's no good. Yeah, I would say you shouldn't be doing a slice. If you're like, I'm jammed up and you live next to a pizza place and you're hopping in the car that.

[H. Foley]

I'll give you very on brand for the PT Cruiser driver. I gotta give you that one.

[Kevin Ryan]

I do. I will agree with you on that.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to that.

[Kevin Ryan]

As much as I've been in cars with pizza. Like on my. You never. We never.

[H. Foley]

No, never.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I would feel rude showing up. Even if I was going home, like, even to like my wife. If I was just picking up a pie and coming home as a fat.

[H. Foley]

Kid, I would have been real suspect. If my dad would have been nibbling on a slice, I would have been real. So what's this?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, you open it up and there's one missing a piece of crust in there maybe.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I don't like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I take it back. The fuck you giving me a fucking half eaten za for, bro?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I don't like that at all.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. This one's seven days a week. $10. Og ever drink coffee in a regular cup?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

For some reason. It's weird.

[H. Foley]

Love it. I love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hot coffee.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And like a pint glass. Get your milk in there. It's not bad. Usually don't fill it up all the way.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I get it.

[H. Foley]

You ever drink soda out of a coffee cup? Is the more important question now that's.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's given delicious at that point.

[H. Foley]

Pack it with ice.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. The other way is track coffee out of another cup is trash.

[H. Foley]

I agree.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because a call man. I remember you never. There's not enough fucking. There's not enough soda in a coffee cup.

[H. Foley]

But that's what you like about it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now it's like edging.

[H. Foley]

You got to do it. You do. You keep doing multiple cups.

[Kevin Ryan]

What am I? Fucking asshole. Of course you do.

[H. Foley]

Because I told.

[Kevin Ryan]

But you don't get enough. Your sip regulation isn't normal. You're not taking normal sips because you'll. It ain't for me. That's all I'm saying. Seems far. It seems European.

[H. Foley]

I would crush the first one. I would be doing this under the assumption that the 2 liter or the soda was right next to me where I could constantly for sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I don't like that. Then I'm not in a normal rhythm of eating and drinking.

[H. Foley]

I don't mind it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm refilling. The sips aren't the same as I told you.

[H. Foley]

Our wrestling coach used to get us Wawa orange drink every morning at practice. And it would be in the refrigerator when we got done practice. And that was like. It was. It was like mother's milk. But we only were allowed to drink it out of little dentist cups. It was like you could. You could have as much as you want but you had to drink it out of that. And it was actually oddly satisfying.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. You are a bit of a freak.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. This is from my Mom's name is Bernie. $10 donator towards the big man's tongue reduction. Never have one read.

[H. Foley]

Take a lot of shit from my tongue.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a big tongue.

[H. Foley]

Start laughing. Different.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just stonewalling me over the whole show. That's interesting.

[H. Foley]

Lol.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a good point there. Brb. Is it garbage to claim someone in your family knows a celebrity because your dad's cousin was the cellmate of Tex from the Manson murders. That's. I don't know who. Find out who Tex was.

[H. Foley]

He was the guy. He was Austin Butler.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah yeah. The main dude.

[H. Foley]

Damn. That's him. Charles Watson.

[Kevin Ryan]

Charles Tex. Watson is a murderer of this central member of the Manson family, led by Charles Manson.

[H. Foley]

Damn.

[Kevin Ryan]

More of a Marilyn Manson family. The beautiful people. Banana.

[H. Foley]

You ever see when him and the guy get in a fight on stage? Who the man? Marilyn Manson and his guitar player. They get into a big fight.

[Kevin Ryan]

Twiggy or Ziggy?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. They look like two chicks scratching at each other.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it like recent Manson?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. I don't know. I just saw the clip.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's. I mean, listen, that's part of.

[H. Foley]

That's not a celebrity. That's infamous. That's not fame. That's infamy.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. I don't know. He's got a movie about him.

[H. Foley]

Austin Butler played him.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's pretty famous to me. Oh, and John 5, they always had the. In John 5 briefly battle in 2003. Oh, man, you're really. What's your algorithm? Getting close from 2003. And a lot of gazongas. It's nuts.

[H. Foley]

It's nuts. My Twitter feeds even worse.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can imagine.

[H. Foley]

Probably doesn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

And help.

[Kevin Ryan]

What I'm clicking on Sick twisted guy. You are. All right, let's see. This one's from Uncle Randy. Very food heavy. Uncle Randy. $10 OG hoagie. Never have one. Red is a garbage to order. A side of mashed potatoes with ravioli and meatballs. When I was a kid, my grandparents would take me to dinner and let me get whatever I wanted. That was my pick. Every. That is a heavy bike meal.

[H. Foley]

The raviolis is what's throwing me off.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Because, I mean, dude, upstate pa, anytime there was a family function, there was, you know, and the sterno trays were out. There was meatballs. There was like, you know, chicken cacciatore or, you know, chicken marsala, but there was always mashed potatoes and coleslaw.

[Kevin Ryan]

100%. I get it.

[H. Foley]

I'm with it, dude. Meatballs and mashed potatoes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've done it. It's just heavy. That's. That's a heavy. That's a heavy weekend, dude.

[H. Foley]

Some raviol's.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, we do it at Christmas. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean, Christmas because it gets cater because there's so many of us. It's just like a shitty caterer and fucking.

[H. Foley]

It's so good, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's just the sterno, chafing dishes. Meatballs. Dude, Penne. Dude, you do penne or you do a little penne? Penne was always a little bit of mashed potato.

[H. Foley]

Penne was dry as shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Not soupy at All.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, that's not Aunt Soupy. Yeah, that's tough. That's. That's a hard one. I've told you before, my aunt. I remember one time, my aunt took me and my little fat ass out to breakfast one time and I ordered pancakes and a bagel. You're down the shore running a marathon carbon. And I was. She's like, how about you get a bowl of fruit? And I was like, yeah, whatever you say, lady. Go for it. I ain't.

[H. Foley]

Are you guys there, Froot Loops?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I was like, I ain't gonna touch it. I didn't know that. That's where my love affair with carbs started. There was nothing wrong with crashing a short. Crushing a short stack in a poppy.

[H. Foley]

Seed baggie, man, when the ants calling you out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, slow down. Still brings it up.

[H. Foley]

How about a black cup of coffee and a grapefruit, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

But you mind your own.

[H. Foley]

Have you tried smoking cigarettes?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, you mind your own business. Let me get a western to go.

[H. Foley]

Giving you diet pills. And I love meatballs and mashed potatoes, though. I'll tell you that right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's. It's trashy. Because one, they are trash. They're obviously. But they're. They're both heavy. But two, they don't. Normal. They shouldn't be mixing. You can't.

[H. Foley]

Who. Who. Meatballs and mashed potatoes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, tough guy, relax.

[H. Foley]

It's meat and potatoes just Italianified. All spaghetti sauce really is. Is a sauce that's basically meatloaf. As meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know why you're pin. What? No, I would argue that's also very. That's fine. It's a heavy.

[H. Foley]

They dance together. They go together.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I'm not saying they're not. Who's. You know, they don't. They're not on very many menus. Give me that. Will you give me that.

[H. Foley]

What? Meatballs and mashed potatoes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Meatballs and mashed potatoes don't end up on a lot of. You're not going down to Carbones down on Sullivan street and getting fucking meatballs and mashed potatoes. Okay, guy, Fair enough. I'll listen. I have. I have it every year. It does not feel right when you're doing it. You feel like you're being a naughty.

[H. Foley]

Little boy with a side of slaw.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, thank you.

[H. Foley]

No. Good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couple dinner. Couple dinner rolls.

[H. Foley]

Oh, buddy, you're speaking my lang. I love nothing like a big fucking bowl of dinner rolls. Love it. Right at the end, next to the salad. Only ranch dressing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's go. I've never touched that salad ever in 38 years. Whatever, Sam.

[H. Foley]

There's like three cucumbers and a couple.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of shredded carrots I've been serving myself for. Let's call it 30. 36 year whatever. Or not 36 whatever. 33 years, 32 years. I ain't never even batted an eye at one of them salads.

[H. Foley]

I would assume you stay away from the soup if it's offered in those situations.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't mind with the soup, but that's salad. It's like I did. It sucks when you got to stay when you're stuck in front of it because like it's always the first. A lot of times it's the first thing and I'm just waiting to get to the tendies and the fries or whatever's done at the end. But I. A lot of times I'll bust a button hook around the guy doing a proto. I'm sick. I had a salad for lunch.

[H. Foley]

It's got the cellophane over top of it. Looks like hospital food. Yeah, just have a colonoscopy. Get out of here with this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

Give me the meatballs. That's nice though. Grandparents probably want to eat that. So you go and fall asleep, you fat little bastard. You'd be asleep in the car, huh? Not a ravioli guy. Can I tell you that? Have I told you this?

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I just want to. You told me a lot of your food opinions.

[H. Foley]

Just want to go on record now. I'm not crazy about the just cheese ravioli now they do the specialty ones. Like a pumpkin ravioli.

[Kevin Ryan]

That doesn't get there. I listen.

[H. Foley]

I like that as a side.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jesus Christ. This guy's got problems.

[H. Foley]

Even that big ravioli you order big raviolis for the table.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was a time, I don't know why, but my mom Denise's fridge freezer was chock full of bags of frozen raviolis.

[H. Foley]

They some happened. Something happened.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those probably late 90s.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Somebody started selling them like market day or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think we would get them. I don't know. We would just get something from school. Yeah, yeah. We get bags of them.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And I in the sheets. They were in like little square. Look like a book.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, those were the stuffed shells.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Which I learned my. Those just man the outside would get. They took 55 minutes. And as a fucking fat 11 year old in the home, home alone, I never. That might as well been 10 days.

[H. Foley]

I never understood that when they would make big ziti, everything was cooked. Throw that shit in there for 10 minutes. Be like, I gotta wait 45 minutes till it's done. Yeah, it's already cooked.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I, I, my mom showed me how to make raviolis one time. She's like, you can make these? When I'm at work, man, crushing a bag of. I like a for a fact, what a family of five would do, I would do at 4:30pm on a Tuesday, home alone, probably dinner, pre dinner, two liter Coke, just going TRL my jams on, watching that Carson Daly and Fred Durst. Yeah, tough man. Just crushing a bag. And I remember this is my problem with anything as a larger gentleman. I'm sure you can, you can attest to this.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get into it with my wife of like, well, you know, let's say I'm making eggs, okay. And there's four eggs, right. A typical meal for me would be three eggs, okay. But I'm not gonna put one egg back in the thing. That's just jamming up to work.

[H. Foley]

We've been down this road before.

[Kevin Ryan]

My, the fourth egg. Same thing with the raviolis. Let's say there's 10 raviolis. I'm gonna have six. There's not a full dose for me. Tomorrow I might as well, you know, because then I'm gonna go into the freezer the next day.

[H. Foley]

10 raviolis.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't have the salad. You heard me. I'm gonna go in the next day and four isn't gonna scratch the itch. So then it's four in a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch or something. And then then that's not a meal.

[H. Foley]

Now that's an odd pairing, I'll give you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

But respect, I respect.

[H. Foley]

I'm a tortellini.

[Kevin Ryan]

The marriage of them.

[H. Foley]

What I'm a tortellini man. You could really go nuts those pre made ones because you can't figure out.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was never my dump.

[H. Foley]

The whole bag in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pre made pasta with stuff in it. Might as well been like the richest thing to buy to me as a kid.

[H. Foley]

Remember when you started seeing the fresh pasta in like the grocer's aisle?

[Kevin Ryan]

Never touched that. That's like $8 million. Yeah, I was like break in case of emergency type thing. You never touched that.

[H. Foley]

Never understood it, why it wasn't hard or what the difference was. But now they have probably preservatives. No, now they have them in bags which are pretty good. I've had those raviolis in bags. I can't think of the name. It looks like a bag of cookies. They're not bad. I'LL do it, I guess.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't make me. This one's for hammer training. $10, homie. Never have one red. Ever drive your car really fast to drive it off after going through a car wash? That's just fun. Whoo. Cuz you do see it start running back.

[H. Foley]

It's great.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all right.

[H. Foley]

I never think I just got the car wash this weekend. I never think it's gonna get like. You'll be two seconds away from getting out of the car wash. You're like. That's all soap all over it. There's no way this is all gonna get off.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That's a smart guy. Who designed those things?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Car washes. Genius.

[Kevin Ryan]

Johnny Car Wash did that.

[H. Foley]

Is that right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Rana was the brand. Luke. You had it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let me see the pasta brand.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, should you go to the pasta brand? Rono.

[H. Foley]

Rana. Great.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah. That bag. Is that emerald on there? No, man. I saw emerald. He's old. I love. I mean Emerald. Emerald. Live band.

[H. Foley]

He's popping up on social media.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he looks old. He's all old.

[H. Foley]

Guy cranking it out though.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know what he's. Giovanni.

[H. Foley]

Giovanni.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see. This one's a 10 haggis hoagie. Never have one red. Are you garbage? If you get your little brother to phone up your work to. Your dad's fallen from a roof to get out of a drug test. This guy's definitely from the UK or something. Ever have him phone up work? Hello? Me PA Fell off the roof.

[H. Foley]

Wait. You have your little brother do it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Hey, is Jimmy there? It's an emergency. Dad fell off the roof when you're about to get pinched.

[H. Foley]

That's great. I thought you meant have him call in. Like why you're not going to be there. That's genius.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, that was my take.

[H. Foley]

Get me out of here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like you're there. They find out they're doing drug tests. You text your get me the fuck out of here. Only thing out of that's family or medical emergency. Fake your appendix being burst. But then they got to see that through. You got to go in and go poking around.

[H. Foley]

I don't think I've ever used the appendix before.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've used a tough one because that said ends in surgery. You can't. You got to prove that now.

[H. Foley]

It went away.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm good. Paint your face yellow or something.

[H. Foley]

Do you ever know anybody have their appendix out?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dan Ryan.

[H. Foley]

No kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thought it was gas for a while. He Was like. He was. He was like. He's like a couple hours away from bursting.

[H. Foley]

If it bursts, you're dead. Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it had burst. But like if you don't get that soon enough, the bile. Whatever. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not a doctor here.

[H. Foley]

But that was always trashy appendix.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

His appendix ruptured.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That was always like. That's like the scary one.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

That one day get you take an.

[H. Foley]

Appendix over kidney stones. Those hurt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. I mean, listen, I don't want either one of them. But you don't need surgery.

[H. Foley]

Maybe you do.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no. I think they pass. Or they'll give you stuff to like break them down until they can pass.

[H. Foley]

Fuck that. I got a little wiener.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So it's out quicker. Bing. There you go. Everything's coming up big, man.

[H. Foley]

Breaking windows. No. My little holes. Tighter.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think all the holes are about the same.

[H. Foley]

I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think the length has anything to do with the hole.

[H. Foley]

Sure it does.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I would assume are all your. You spelled urethra wrong. Let me get an eyes on Google heavy. I know. You get. You get.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now you guys can see it though. That's the problem. That guy's hung like a horse. And that diagram. That ain't real. That's not the scale. He must be hard or something, right?

[H. Foley]

We're not going to figure this out here on the Wikipedia medical chart.

[Kevin Ryan]

What is the. Just google it. 6 millimeters diameter. That average is fine. Yeah. Mine's 2, I'm sure. I don't think that the length of your wiener has anything to do with the size of the spout or the motion of the ocean.

[H. Foley]

Got plenty of work done.

[Kevin Ryan]

Still could do oral too. Nobody says it. All right, let's see here. This is from Tim. First time, long time. Is it garbage to slide down the handrail when walking down steps? Looks cool when you get it right, but if you don't, it's bozo city. I've never. I don't know. I've never had the body to be like, I'm gonna be that guy.

[H. Foley]

I had a staircase in our first house where my brother could do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I tried it on this butt. I mean there would be. As a kid, I think I would go down. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Like would slide down like a fireman's pole. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, if you're an adult doing that, that's.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get your urethra taken.

[H. Foley]

You ever see the guys go down fucking The. The railings. Like, if it's a set of stairs, like in like a whole. In like a. Like a hallway, and you slide down. You don't know what I'm talking about. Like, firemen do it and like that. Or like army guys, they can hold both railings and slide down.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Something in their hands or something?

[H. Foley]

No, they just have, like a loose grip. You slide down the things. Very parkoury. Ah, I couldn't do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you could. No, you don't say.

[H. Foley]

No, I never. The arm strength. And the first time I tried to slide down the railing at my house, I went right over.

[Kevin Ryan]

My brother could do it. As a kid, I remember pretty good. I remember being like. I went into my mom's like, you do not. She didn't care if he fell.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Use a couple hits in the noggin.

[H. Foley]

I could slide down my stairs, like, sit on my butt and slide down the stairs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, quite the athlete.

[H. Foley]

I could fall up until I was like, 13. I went up the stairs on both hands and feet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. I was just big on that as a kid. That's how I would climb the stairs. I'd be hunched over and I'd crawl up like a dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

All tired from all those mashed potatoes. Well, C.P. sleeping on the landing.

[H. Foley]

I used to sleep on a landing all the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

So did my dog, Rusty.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Son used to come in right above the door.

[H. Foley]

It's great. Yeah. But my aunt's house at the top of the stairs was like a little cutout.

[Kevin Ryan]

You might be a dog.

[H. Foley]

Maybe. And I had a box.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you drink out of the toilet?

[H. Foley]

I had a box of toys for my older cousins. And like, she would be upstairs cleaning and I had to be on the same floor with her. Otherwise I'd be getting into trouble, rooting through the fridge, digging into a rice pudding. So I had to. I had to stay on the landing and turkey.

[Kevin Ryan]

The hell you doing?

[H. Foley]

I can't take everything. I had to lay on the landing and play with my toys. Used to take nice naps there. Out like a light. A weird kid wake me up for lunch.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember my. I. I was at my. I remember being at my grandfather's house. Now I don't really remember. I mean, there's so many cousins, they have so many grandkids that, like, so many people have, like, a relationship with their grandparents where it's like I one of three or whatever. Five.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

We. They were. At this point. I mean, I was born. There was kid barely knew him. There was Dudes that were like 40 that he. You know what I mean? Like, I remember one time I was staying with them and the house was. They lived in South Jersey and like, I was also too. That blew my mind. They lived down the shore, but not on. They live like inland.

[H. Foley]

And I remember, you know how I feel about that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, we're going to the. Like we're going down the shore. And I wanted to be like, there's trees everywhere, lady. This is not down the friggin a harbor.

[H. Foley]

Shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Deep cut. Ehd. I remember being like, what? And we were in. I was close with them and everything, but like, not. Not to the level I see my mom has with my nieces and nephews. Where you're like, oh, that's fucking. You know, there's fucking 25 of us running around.

[H. Foley]

He calls you Denise's son.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, they were, they were awesome. But I remember one point, he was like. He had food out on the table, like for dinner for him and he was making. I don't know what it was like, I was at his house and he had like leftovers. It was like, it might as well been from another planet to a six year old liver.

[H. Foley]

Worst.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, something's like, don't go eat, like as a joke. He's like, don't go eating my dinner. I wanted to be like, buddy, your secret safe with me.

[H. Foley]

Well, you guys, I don't even want.

[Kevin Ryan]

To be in the kitchen. What?

[H. Foley]

Were you staying for dinner or you were leaving?

[Kevin Ryan]

I was just there. I don't remember the day I was six. I was just there. I don't know if they were watching me or if we were just staying. There was a lot of times we stayed there.

[H. Foley]

You probably heard about the raviolis.

[Kevin Ryan]

This kid's gonna be all over my treating it like jail.

[H. Foley]

Talk about a dog. He's got to put it up on a high shelf.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm up there batting at it and.

[H. Foley]

I tell you about begging. He's slapping your snap under the table. Yeah. When I tell you about feeding the Kevin from the table, I remember sweating.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sweating in that office. That's where I. They had like a convertible couch. Oh, one of those, like 80s convertible.

[H. Foley]

Brutal.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was probably new then, you know? Yeah, it was new. And I remember they, he. They wouldn't cut the air on for nothing.

[H. Foley]

Goddamn company.

[Kevin Ryan]

It'd be August and you're inland. It'd be no breeze at all.

[H. Foley]

Nothing but you and the skeeters.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, you're like in the Pine Barrens.

[H. Foley]

Ah, it always sucks when the AC wasn't on, but the window would be open, and it seemed like the air was going out.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't know what's happening.

[H. Foley]

Wouldn't break the barrier to get inside the room. Man. Dying for some trade winds. Christ. Praying a clipper came through, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Just wanting something, dude. Just being like, I gotta physically change how I feel. There's no way I'm sleeping. I used to think that at 6, 7 years old. No way, man. I was always looking for snakes in his backyard, too. We're a lot of brush. Pine needles and brush. No way. A weird set of kids down there that I had to, like, see. Who are you? I hated that there was sand in the lawn. You're like, what the is going on?

[H. Foley]

I didn't like that when there was a weird. I told you. My grandmother was sick. They sent me off to this family's house, and I lived there for, like two months. And the kids were weird. They had a shed, Pink Floyd T shirts. I think they were smoking weed. I couldn't tell. But, man, they had like, dirt bikes and this is why it was a bad scene. Sure. It's like I got sent to join a biker gang or something like that. I didn't know if they were coming back to get me. I was sleeping on a pool out in the middle of their living room. I think I was like four or five. It was brutal.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had the same feeling.

[H. Foley]

I me up bear just left me somewhere. My brother got to go to my Aunt Mary Captain and Uncle Red's treated like a goddamn king.

[Kevin Ryan]

Seemed to be over it.

[H. Foley]

Goes out at the Lipfords in the woods.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yikes.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to them.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a dirt driveway if I ever heard of it. Long too, buddy.

[H. Foley]

Real long.

[Kevin Ryan]

Anybody can get you out. Can't hear you scream.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, My mom always throws it in my face that when they came back to pick me up, I wouldn't go to her. I ran over to the ice cream guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

You.

[H. Foley]

I ran over to the. When she came up to get me, I ran back and put my arms around the lady whose house it was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man, you must have just talked about this in therapy or something. That is.

[H. Foley]

She was feeding me. I don't know. You left me, you dumb bro. I.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I loved you and all, but I gotta. I gotta make ends meet here. I didn't know if you were coming back or not. It's adapt or die out here.

[H. Foley]

They had weird shit for dinner too. I didn't like it. No meatballs and mashed potatoes. That bad?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. My mom knew better not to. She'd be like, listen, he ain't gonna eat whatever. And it's just not worth it to fight with him. Hunger strikes, he becomes quite the little bitch.

[H. Foley]

Why are my French fries green?

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow. I didn't like getting a green end on a fry either. No way.

[H. Foley]

Oh, man. As a kid. Mickey D's. You catch one of those?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll still eat around it now, unless I'm drunk.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. Let's see here. This one we should have done this. Should have done this one earlier on in the dining etiquette. This one, obviously, we're against. This is from James. $10 equity partner here. Never have one read. Ever have an uncle or other family member. Absolutely. Dress down a waiter beyond comfort?

[H. Foley]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Ryan]

Brutal. During a nice dinner at Gibson's. Find out what Gibson's is.

[H. Foley]

I know a Gibson's.

[Kevin Ryan]

That steakhouse. Dawson. J.B. dawson's.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I know a J.B. dawson's as well. Gibson's Barn Steakhouse.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they. Is that like Chicago? It seems like Midwest. Click on. Let me get a mini on that. Oh, there's three of them.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. One in Rosemont. Where are we going? Back to Chicago.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're just in Chicago in September.

[H. Foley]

Ah, shit. That's right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Breaking my stones. Jumbo lump crab cake out the door. 26 bucks. How you done?

[H. Foley]

There you go.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. Nice joint.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

During a nice family dinner at Gibson's, my Uncle Frank destroyed a waiter during his first week for a few different service issues. The service issues weren't great, particular for a joint like Gibson's. But dressing down lasted entirely too long and drew far too much attention. I would fucking kill myself.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. What a fucking asshole.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a dickhead move.

[H. Foley]

Dickhead. Never had any. Never. Never one of the men in my family act like that or do something like that. Even if it was a nightmare and we've had a couple of nightmare scenarios. I told you that. Play that one place in Philly that we used to like to go to. You know what I'm talking about? The last time we were there as a family, it was a disaster. Nobody said a word.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's also like that happened like. Listen, it's performance. You get a bad. Shit happens. You know? As long as it's not. Listen.

[H. Foley]

I had an aunt that would send things back a lot, but she would always be nice to me. She's. I'm sorry. Just. I can't. She was very particular. She couldn't have, like. Like the scrapple. Had to be, like, very, very well done or you know, if the temperature was wrong, would you mind putting that. She was always sweet about it and a great dipper, but especially the first week, you're fucking busting the. I guarantee you Frank wasn't paying the check either. That's the kind of guy that does that. The guy that's not paying the check.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right. Good point.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

His. His brother's got a cash.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

My body. My brother doesn't work fucking 80 hours a week for. Come here and you spill the water on me.

[H. Foley]

Very Uncle Frank. At home alone.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

Fuck.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what a waiter would have to do for me to dress them down. Like, I mean, I've been spilled on and spit at you like that. Hold my nose.

[H. Foley]

Wait, my mouth wasn't open.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't know like what they could do to where I would get mad enough or like I feel strong enough to. That I would have to do that.

[H. Foley]

In front of everybody, in front of the kids. And you're just teaching that generation that, you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, but I think you're also good. Like, this kid sees it goes, oh, I don't what you're teaching. I don't want to be.

[H. Foley]

That's great. Shout out.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, like, man, this is thoroughly embarrassing. Yeah, yeah. It's a tough look. Don't ever. Yeah. No, no dress. Listen, you went out, you rolled the dice, it didn't happen. Take it and move on. You know, you can't break the guy's fucking stones for it. Yeah. I mean, yeah. All right, let's see here. This one's from Foley cpap. Is it garbage. At my vacations as a teenager was taking a 12 hour bus ride by myself to my sister's where I would work for her boyfriend's company moving oil rigs for two weeks and then take the bus back home. My first day, the lead hand asked me, ever meet a crackhead? Well, this is Ding Wall and he'll be training you today. I mean, that's a tough.

[H. Foley]

I thought lacrosse camp was bad. Yikes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't get to have my bagel in my pancakes. I mean, listen, that's a tough kid's probably a worker now.

[H. Foley]

Worker.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably a great life lesson. I don't know very many people that were taking 12 hours. I've never taken a fucking 12 hour bus ride.

[H. Foley]

That's on a vacation, by the way, just so you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

It probably sounds like child labor, which I'm okay with.

[H. Foley]

How old did he say he was?

[Kevin Ryan]

He did. Oh, he just said as a kid. I mean, you got to be 16, you got to be, you know, mid high school to late high school.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

During the summer, I would assume. Man, Jesus.

[H. Foley]

Seems like a situation where he didn't get to keep the money either.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You know, he's got a. He's got a kick up to the sister finders fee for finding 10 to her. The buddy something put his neck out for you. The first 500 goes back to him.

[H. Foley]

Man, I'm glad my parents weren't like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Like the only time they ever grifted me was my communion money. I never saw a diamond app.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

But otherwise, that was mine.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

You know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I was. Yeah, mine was very, like, you know, I started working young, but it was very like, if you made a hundred bucks that week, like, if that was your check from the grocery store, from the restaurant or whatever. It was. Like, that's just. Then don't have to go to her for like, oh, we're going to the movies or the mall. Because that's when.

[H. Foley]

Where's your money?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's when 20 bucks started, like, not being kind of enough. I Like, I hit that age, like that inflation or that time period where it was like. I remember when it was like, five bucks and you're like, I'm out for the day. I could get so and so a slice of pizza when I was a kid.

[H. Foley]

At 20, I was like, getting a hundred.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I know. But that slowly started being like, the am I gonna do, you know, like, we're going to the mall. Slice of pizza at the mall. Or like the food court was. Cost you 13 bucks.

[H. Foley]

Borrow six bucks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Out the door, jamming me.

[H. Foley]

Thick slice, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love a Sabar's. Well documented.

[H. Foley]

Never. We've talked about this. Never had it. I never allowed to go near it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was. I never knew it was a chain.

[H. Foley]

Michael Scott.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Well, the. The. The only one was in the Oxford Valley mall.

[H. Foley]

You didn't go to another mall and see another Sparrow.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Chamonix mall was something else. Was like two brothers or something, you know, la. Familiar. Not whatever, but it was something they weren't.

[H. Foley]

Shamini mall. That's not Sparrow country. That's. Yeah, that's fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That was like individual.

[H. Foley]

That's three toes pizza.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Jimmy no nose pizza, but. So the only cbars I ever had was. Are you looking up the Chamonix mall pizza place?

[H. Foley]

What you do back there?

[Kevin Ryan]

The whole show for the lizard. We can see the screen now, which is bad. Luke should have turned the television off.

[H. Foley]

This is what you do to see what's up?

[Kevin Ryan]

He's got to stay on top if we need information. Now check out. Hold on. Let's do. Let's do a little something fun. You're right. Where? Zoom in on that. Click on that map. All right, now go. Old Lincoln Highway. Hold on. Give me a sec here. Where's the Oxford Valley Mall? Home improvement. Oh, that's in Chamoni Mall. Pull out now. Pull. Check it. Look for the Oakford Inn. It's right off Route 1.

[H. Foley]

Now that sounds nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

I bet you they do a nice blue cheese at the Oakford Inn.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, Just Google it. The Oakford Inn.

[H. Foley]

Nice wedge salad.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think you're wrong.

[H. Foley]

It's a house.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Did we drive by it when we were in the Lumina?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a strip club. I think it's called. It's called Scruples now.

[H. Foley]

Oakford Inn sounds a lot better.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, I stand corrected. I guess it's closed down. I grew up. It was the Oak Comfort in. And then that was the first place where I had to ask my mom what that place is and why it didn't have any windows and why my dad's cars. But that was the joint where like people would go, you know, ladies that we grew up with would end up there working there, working there, working.

[H. Foley]

I was always so jealous of that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I feel like you had hotter chicks like that in your. In your peer group. I have. Any strippers would have been cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. You should have hung out with a worse crowd. I don't know what I hung out with degenerates with dabbled in narcotics at an early age.

[H. Foley]

But you Playboy playmates at your school.

[Kevin Ryan]

We did pretty good. Shout out to you, Shannon James. Okay, Ms. May 2000. No. 6. Look.

[H. Foley]

What are you doing? Get out of there.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can't be putting that up.

[H. Foley]

Family show.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta go revisit those pictures. What the heck is that?

[H. Foley]

She used to come to the shows, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I was just talking to her the other day.

[H. Foley]

Sweetheart in my dream.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, she's a good friend. I knew her. New Z? Yeah, junior high. Shout out to her. I think Flip wasn't dated her at an early age and I think, hey, good looking kid. Famously broke up with her at Valentine's Day so he didn't have to buy or anything in like 8th grade. Sucker. I should have stuck that. Okay, Talk about a loser.

[H. Foley]

Talk about selling bitcoin early guy got.

[Kevin Ryan]

The fucking guy got shorted in the market. All right, this one's from Real Housewives of bluebell. When was the last time you were on a trampoline? I'm probably two year. Within two years I've been really. Yeah, My. My. My sister has one for her kids.

[H. Foley]

And you got up there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get on there, wrestle with the kids. I got two tree bounces and I'm out.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not fucking.

[H. Foley]

Never a trampoline guy. They petrified of them. And I couldn't do the things that other. I just wasn't built like that. I couldn't do the flips and shit. I always got scared and I always fell right through the thing on the side with the.

[Kevin Ryan]

With the coils.

[H. Foley]

That scratches. That hurts.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's pain to get you on one now.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

End up on the moon.

[H. Foley]

Watch the windows on the International Space Station. Is that funny?

[Kevin Ryan]

We. We had. We had one that my stepdad found.

[H. Foley]

That's never good.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it was so. It was so bad it was wrecked. It was a gymnast one someone had left in like a barn that his buddy bought. His buddy bought a property some sort of farming proper or something like that. This was left in there. And it was right when trampolines hit. And our neighbors got the cool nice one with the blue wraparound cover for the springs.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

And ours was a rectangle.

[H. Foley]

The big hammock.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was a big rectangle with like. Remember they had the short strings, the short springs. These were like a foot and a half long.

[H. Foley]

That's dangerous.

[Kevin Ryan]

People would come over and like kids would be like, what the hell is this thing? And I mean, this thing would fucking launch you, dude. This thing was. It was like medical grade trampoline. It's for the Olympics. Yeah, it was that kind of thing.

[H. Foley]

And man, practice at the X Games.

[Kevin Ryan]

So many people got. My neighbor cracked their head wider. This is still the 90s, so you got. You're right. No one's suing now. She'd be.

[H. Foley]

That's those metal pull the metal that went around those things were dangerous. Plus if you had a screw that went through it or a nut that went through it or a bolt that went through it and then the nut and that rust it. Even if it was flat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tetanus, dude.

[H. Foley]

You catch your elbow on that scratch, huh? Brutal.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Melly Mel. $10, homie. Is it garbage if your dad. This I just don't even understand. This is a garbage. If Your dad owns 21 tractors, I guess. Tractor, yeah. He keeps four covered in a tarp in the driveway and will take parts for them to make the others work. There will only. There's only like five that actually work at any one point. Every time he sees one for sale, he can't help himself but buy it. My boyfriend asked him if he had one he could use to cut his grass and he wouldn't even give him one. This guy's fucking screwballs.

[H. Foley]

He likes his tractors.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but let your fucking son in law use one.

[H. Foley]

Then he fucks it up. He's using them as parts.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but they I Listen, you got 21 tractors, only four of them work. I mean, how big?

[H. Foley]

Take a broker one and fix it, bring it back.

[Kevin Ryan]

That'll give you right. Go start and do something for me. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Exactly.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, but we gotta wrap it up, gang.

[H. Foley]

What a fun one. Gang, do us a favor. Go over there, grab the cards, hit me. They're gonna sell out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

We love you. See you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.