Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: How to Feel Rich! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Release Date: February 2, 2026

Episode Overview

In this lively episode, comedians and self-proclaimed “garbage” men H. Foley and Kevin Ryan reflect on all the little things that make them (and their listeners) feel “classy” or “rich” in day-to-day life. Through playful banter, personal stories, and reading listener submissions, the duo explores the aspirational trappings of middle-class luxury—like soft-close drawers, king-sized comforters, and even just having enough batteries in the drawer. The episode delivers their signature blend of self-deprecating humor, nostalgia, and hilarious, affectionate jabs at each other’s upbringings.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Growing Up Fancy (or Not)

• Childhood Markers of Class:
  • Foley describes a painting (“that painting was in my childhood home...I thought that was my mother and grandmother...I always wondered what happened on the other side of that painting” – Foley, 06:11) that made him feel fancy as a kid, even though it was just a print in a plastic frame.
  • Kevin highlights kitchen islands and intercom systems from his 80s/90s Philadelphia suburb upbringing as feeling fancy: “We were in this nice house...my mom always said we were house-poor...She kept us in that house because of the school district.” (Ryan, 11:17)
• The Myth of Luxury:
  • Many of the items or home features that felt "rich" as kids (e.g., intercom/tape deck) were dysfunctional or a facade: “We had an intercom system on the walls...it never worked.” (Ryan, 13:09)
• Listener Contributions:
  • Listeners wrote in with their own ideas of "classy" items, such as china cabinets, trash compactors, hidden trash cans, and more.

2. Modern “Upgrades” and Their Perceived Classiness

• Everyday Upgrades:
  • HomeGoods, Marshalls, and other discount stores as a means to buy “little things” that feel lavish (bath mats, cutting boards, designer bath stones).
  • “It takes a lot of dirtbags to realize you can...round these corners...These little things...make you feel nice.” (Ryan, 22:49)
• Listener Submissions (Patreon):
  • Dimmer Switches in the Bathroom: “Dimmer switches in the bathroom...Just go, give me a little bit...soften it.” (Listener Hugh Jazz, 23:50)
  • Individual Salt & Pepper Shakers: “Small individual salt and pepper shakers for each person...Makes you just feel a little...” (Listener Zach, 27:09)
  • King-Size Comforter on a Queen Bed: “You're not fighting over it...Wrap yourself up in it...like lifting up the comforter and getting that corner between my legs...” (Ryan, 28:29)
  • Soft-Close Drawers: “Soft closed door drawers and cabinets...Remember seeing them...that’s great...That probably saved a lot of fights, you know what I mean?” (Foley, 36:17)

3. Faux Pas, Fails, and Aspirational Gaffes

• Half-Finished or Dysfunctional Luxuries:
  • “I got something kind of cool and then I'm missing something. It's either broken or I'm missing something to make it functional.” (Ryan, 32:02)
  • “The hose that comes out to fill up the pot of water...I have that, but it puts out brown water. Again, I got something, and as a plumber...I don't know how that happens. It's the same water.” (Ryan, 34:28)
• Creative Kitchens:
  • Painting old cabinets, adding crown molding to basic cabinets, and cash under-the-table jobs for quick facelifts.

4. Details That Make You Feel Rich

• Paper Products and Small Luxuries:
  • Mini cups for mouthwash/brushing teeth: “For probably five bucks a month it’ll make you feel a little more elevated.” (Foley, 61:05)
  • Cloth-like napkins in the guest/powder room: “Like nice restaurants will have...real nice.” (Foley, 61:41)
  • Stockpiling supplies (batteries, light bulbs, paper towels): “Being all stocked up on something you don’t need that much of...feels all right.” (Listener Dunkin Donuts, 63:33)
• Kitchen Upgrades:
  • Fridges with bottom freezers (“That feels like new money shit.” – Ryan, 52:03)
  • Hidden or “panel-ready” fridges that match the cabinets—considered the height of middle-class aspiration.
• Everyday Treats:
  • Ferrero Rocher or Lindt chocolate bars, Pellegrino or Mountain Valley spring water (“Me and rich guys, we share the same chocolate bars, you know what I mean?” – Ryan, 50:12)
• Bath and Bed:
  • New bath towels for every shower (“Imagine every day you got a crisp, new, clean banger...that I like a lot. That's like a hotel.” – Listener I Lost The Game, 69:36)
  • Reusing a towel once as a bathmat, then tossing it.

5. Suburban/Parental Home Nostalgia

• Broken or Quirky Home Features:
  • Tape on a cabinet that won’t close, sliding closet doors off the tracks, doors that don’t fit squarely: “She’s got like duct tape...crumbs and hair on the tape...looks like a crime scene.” (Ryan, 41:47)
• Security and Dad Stuff:
  • Dads with flashlights by the bed, shotguns, the “Bose sound system and a 12 gauge” (Foley, 64:37)
  • “My stepdad had a Bose sound system and a 12 gauge that's ready to roll. A pack of Winstons ready to rock out.” (Foley, 64:37)
• Childhood Bath and Bedroom Battles:
  • Sibling fights over closet doors and access to the bathroom, making the best of dysfunctional fixtures.

6. Running Jokes & Notable Banter

• Jokes about each other's families, drug dealers, and criminality:
  • “I know you used to move a little weight, you know, trying to relate.” (Foley, 21:14)
  • “You got that thing that comes down when you step on the steps. That always scared me.” (Foley, 15:22)
• Kevin’s “dream” of getting soft-close kitchen drawers and the ongoing motif of small upgrades changing your life: “That has to be a comedian's bit—being mad, trying to fucking slam the drawers and you can't. That probably saved a lot of fights.” (Foley, 36:46)
• Foley’s aspiration to get taken care of by Ryan in a zombie apocalypse or post-nuclear scenario: “Is there a situation where you might need to move into my basement? Probably yes.” (Foley, 45:29)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Childhood Class:
  • “[That painting] made it...to Wilkes Barre...Even made it for a few years at the house...And as a child I thought that was my mother and grandmother who grew up in a studio apartment…” (Foley, 06:11)
• On Kitchen Islands & School Districts:
  • “We were in this nice house and she kept us in that house because of the school district...not much nice stuff in there.” (Ryan, 11:17)
• On Dysfunctional Upgrades:
  • “We had an intercom system on the walls…it never worked…” (Ryan, 13:09)
• On Feeling Fancy with Small Luxuries:
  • “It takes a lot of dirt bags to realize you can, you know, round these corners, touch these things. Little things...make you feel nice.” (Ryan, 22:49)
• Listener Submissions (Patreon):
  • “Dimmer switches in the bathroom...in the middle of the night, you just go, give me a little bit…soften it.” (Listener Hugh Jazz, 23:50)
  • “Small individual salt and pepper shakers for each person at the table.” (Listener Zach, 27:09)
  • “King size comforter on a queen size bed...you're not fighting over. You don't get lost in it.” (Listener Nick, 28:29)
  • “Soft closed door drawers and cabinets...That probably saved a lot of fights...” (Foley, 36:46)
  • “Being all stocked up on something that you don’t need that much of...feels all right.” (Listener Dunkin Donuts, 63:33)
• On Home Security:
  • “My stepdad had a Bose sound system and a 12 gauge that's ready to roll. A pack of Winstons ready to rock out.” (Foley, 64:37)
• On Aspirational Home Features:
  • “Fridge with the freezer at the bottom...that feels like new money shit...” (Ryan, 52:03)
  • “The epitome of class...is the wood covered...fridges to match the cabinets...” (Ryan, 53:04)
• On Self-Improvement:
  • “Me and rich guys, we share the same chocolate bars, you know what I mean?” (Ryan, 50:12)
• On Bath Towel Luxury:
  • “Imagine every day you got a crisp, new clean banger...that's like a hotel...how much better is your day?” (Listener I Lost the Game, 69:36)

Structured Timeline with Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment / Topic | |:-------------:|:-------------------| | 00:32 – 04:24 | Opening banter, road dates, roses after a “classy” night, “how are you with flowers?” | | 04:24 – 11:08 | Childhood “classy” items – the painting, china cabinets, kitchen islands, feeling “house-poor” | | 13:09 – 14:39 | Intercom systems, parties in high school, the fantasy of “classy” home features | | 20:04 – 21:22 | Trash cans, trash compactors, drug dealer “booby traps,” feeling rich by household upgrades | | 22:29 – 23:04 | The bath mat stone, feeling fancy with little upgrades | | 23:42 – 31:12| Patreon “classy things” lightning round (dimmer switches, salt & pepper, comforters, soft-close drawers, towel warmers) | | 41:47 – 44:22 | Nostalgic home quirks (taped cabinet, doors, closet tracks), kitchen cabinet painting | | 45:05 – 48:56 | Man caves, sharing the home in a “nuclear holocaust scenario” | | 49:28 – 51:20 | Chocolate treats, bottled water, candy out at the house | | 52:02 – 54:02 | Bottom-freezer fridges, “hidden” fridges that match cabinets, kitchen renos | | 61:05 – 62:43 | Tiny cups for brushing teeth, cloth-like paper towels in powder rooms | | 63:33 – 64:11 | Surplus household items as a mark of “success” or readiness | | 64:33 – 66:06 | Flashlight by the bed, home defense, stepdad stockpiling Winstons and a shotgun | | 69:36 – 70:09 | One-use towels, luxury of “never having a damp towel” |

Tone and Feel

The tone remains irreverent, warm, and self-deprecating throughout, with lots of affectionate ribbing and nostalgia. The hosts lovingly lampoon the aspirations and self-deceptions of their childhoods, blending lived experience with listener input and quick wit. No item is too small to be considered “classy”—as long as it makes you feel like you’ve “made it,” even if just for a moment.