The Sweatpants Situation! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

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Are You Garbage? – The Sweatpants Situation!

Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Episode Date: January 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

This “family episode” of Are You Garbage features hosts H. Foley and Kevin Ryan with producer Luke Dempsey joining in. True to the show’s theme—testing whether their guests (and, very often, themselves) are “garbage” or classy—the hosts riff on everything from sweatpants with dysfunctional drawstrings, weird family athleticism, and junk food, to classic dirtbag moves. It’s a freewheeling, trashy, and affectionate journey through nostalgia, personal hygiene shortcuts, and working-class oddities.

Main Theme:
The hosts explore "The Sweatpants Situation," dissecting the failings of old-school sweats and the symbolic battles between comfort, style, and laziness. Along the way, they dive deep into their upbringings, family quirks, fashion faux pas, and standards for “garbage” behavior.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Old Sweatpants & The Infamous Drawstring

• The Drawstring’s Mysteries:

  • Foley shares his long-standing confusion about why traditional sweatpants have continuous, impossible-to-tie drawstrings (11:02).
  • Kevin recounts childhood sweatpants woes: tight knots rendering pants impossible to remove, saggy waists, and the heartbreaks of ill-fitting athleisure (13:44).
  • Luke chimes in with Google’s (dubious) answer: continuous loops are supposedly for a “cleaner look” and safety, to avoid dangling ends and prevent drawstrings getting lost in the wash or caught on equipment (27:31). The hosts are not convinced.

  Notable Quote:

  • “Why do they connect that string? Because I can never tie it. And they almost fell down when I was at a wrestling match a couple weeks ago.” — H. Foley (13:13)

• Fashion vs. Function:

  • Kevin urges Foley to try more fitted, modern sweatpants—“You look like a guy who’s going to physical therapy. And I'm trying to help.” (16:11)
  • Foley resists, clinging to his inherited, 90s snow camo Champion sweats, humorously defending both their functional and slim-down illusions.

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2. Family Hand-Me-Downs and Sentimental Attachments

• Foley reveals most of his current wardrobe, especially sweatpants, are inherited from his late father (14:35).

• This sparks both comedy and a little pathos—how working-class families repurpose hand-me-downs and resist letting go.

  Notable Exchange:

  • Kevin: “Your dead dad.”
  • Foley: “I didn't say that. I didn't say that.”
  • Kevin: “I'm saying that.” (13:07)

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3. Meat Smuggling and Swiss Gun Laws

• The segment diverges into European trivia:

  • Discussion about the relative cost and restrictions of meat importation when Kevin drove from Germany to Switzerland. Border agents searched his car for contraband burgers. (09:17)
  • Tangentially, they riff on Swiss neutrality, banking, militia, gun ownership, and how hard it is to invade Switzerland (07:31).

  Memorable Banter:

  • Foley: “The Swiss... They got the banks, they got the mountains, they got hot roads, blonde headed broads. I don't need anybody.” (07:12)

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4. Sweatpants, Social Status & Adolescent Vulnerabilities

• Social anxiety about sweatpants’ utility in hiding (or accentuating) embarrassing situations—especially as a teenager.

• Discussions on “sweetening” one’s appearance, including rumors of boys padding their packages with “English cucumbers” (32:09).

  Notable Quote:

  • Kevin: “So what you did with the drawstring could draw attention to a 16-year-old wiener in Spanish class.” (31:32)

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5. Family Athleticism: The Black Sheep Syndrome

• Kevin details being the “physical black sheep” among a family full of athletic achievers, Olympians, and professional soccer players, feeling overshadowed as the “fat kid on the beach.” (22:21–24:24)

• Foley claims his family, in contrast, was “educationally disadvantaged,” adding to the trashy, self-deprecating humor.

  Notable Quotes:

  • Foley: “I come from an athletically disadvantaged family.” (26:08)
  • Kevin: “Guys who say I’m smart aren’t smart. I mean, I say I’m smart.” (25:40)

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6. Hygiene Hacks: Dry Shampoo & Sock Recycling

• Listeners’ questions spark confessions about reusing socks with help from dry shampoo (34:37).

  • Foley explains his grooming routine: multiple hair sprays, “feminine spray, Summer’s Eve,” and dry shampoo as “Febreze for your hair.” (36:28–37:02)
  • Both admit to stretching their socks through multi-day road trips.

  Notable Quote:

  • Foley: “I also have this feminine spray, Summer’s Eve, that I spray in my vagina nooks and crannies just to keep everything dry and ph balanced for the boys.” (37:08)

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7. Underwear Choices: Jockstraps, Thongs & Changing Fashions

• They riff on unexpected underwear sightings, the fading popularity (and questionable comfort) of jockstraps, and locker room mishaps (54:04–56:58).

• Luke reports that male thongs are “gaining popularity for everyday wear” (53:23), which both hosts find equal parts fascinating and horrifying.

  Memorable Banter:

  • Foley: “Even put a piece of piano wire down there. What are you nuts? Fucking strangling my guys out. Castrate you like Sonny Corleone?” (28:11)

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8. Classic "Garbage" Moves & Listener Questions

Each audience question invites admissions of “garbage” behavior, including:

• Splashing water on pants to hide pee stains (66:06)
• Using dry shampoo on socks to get another day’s wear
• Bumming cigarettes off customers if you work the register at a gas station (57:27)
• Getting a tie tied at a bar for homecoming because no one at home knows how (48:02)

Notable Quote:

• Kevin: “That’s the gentleman’s thing... have your hands a little wet, wait till you see your party and then be like, no, no, ran out of paper towels, sinks.” (66:27)

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9. The Allure of Bouncers and Bar Hierarchies

• The group discusses why dirtbags (like them) crave bouncer approval at bars.
• “You want the bouncer to like you. Always. They beat you up. They’re cool. They're dictating who goes in and out. You look cool if they're cool with you.” (61:17)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Foley: “Missionary man over there.” (01:19)
• Kevin: “Crouching tiger, hidden fat.” (01:21)
• Foley (on athletic relatives): “You got the two cousins that are professional soccer players. One's 14 and is a professional soccer player… Then you have Chris Albright… You've been throwing that guy in my fucking face since I met you.” (22:56)
• Kevin (re: sweatpants drawstring): “I battled with a pair… I would say for about five years of my life.” (13:44)
• Foley: “What you saying I look too good there?” (12:30)
• Kevin: “You look like a guy who's going to physical therapy.” (16:11)
• Luke (on sweatpants drawstrings): “Continuous loop for a cleaner look and easier management, preventing dangling ends and loss during washing... a safety concern... preventing snagging...” (27:31)
• Foley: “So I can hang my nuts.” (28:04)
• Kevin: “Did I ever sweeten my package?... I got no ass.” (32:07–29:45)
• Foley: “I don't let go.” (15:39)

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Key Timestamps

• 00:22: Show theme—“classy or garbage”—introduced
• 11:02: The Sweatpants Situation: Foley’s crisis with drawstring sweatpants
• 13:44: Kevin’s childhood sweatpants stories
• 16:11: The “physical therapy” sweatpants roast
• 22:21–24:24: Kevin on being the unathletic black sheep
• 34:37: Listener Q: dry shampoo for socks and “garbage” grooming confessions
• 36:28–37:02: Foley’s extended hygiene monologue (dry shampoo, feminine spray, etc.)
• 53:23–54:33: “Men’s thongs” and jockstrap nostalgia
• 57:27: Bumming smokes at the gas station
• 61:17: Analysis—Why do dirtbags crave bouncer approval?
• 66:06: Covering up pee stains with water: “the gentleman's move”

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Tone & Style

The hosts’ chemistry is constant: blue-collar, affectionate, and self-mocking, with quick tangents and relentless riffs. The tone is raunchy-funny and comfortable; their vulnerability and honesty (about weight, family, and failing at “classy”) underpin a comedic celebration of working-class junk culture.

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Bottom Line

Hopelessly attached to their trashy roots and each other, Foley and Ryan turn every mundane dilemma—sweatpants drawstrings, border meat patrols, smelly socks—into loving, hilarious confessionals. If you ever wondered whether it’s “garbage” to wear inherited sweatpants (with a broken drawstring) for a week straight, or if you’re safe reusing dry-shampooed socks, this episode offers answers with a smile.

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Transcript

[H. Foley]

Oh, baby. Hey, Texas. Hey, Florida. The boys are coming down to see you, so grab your tickets. They're the only shows we're going to be doing in Texas and Florida, so grab some ticks and come see us.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. This March, we're going to be at the creek in the Cave in Austin, Texas. Tickets are going fast as well as side splitters in Tampa, Florida, baby. Listen. Tampa and Austin, two great comedy towns. Get those tickets. We'll see you there.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. It's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after you're to be classy. Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Garbage.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a gorgeous day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. I caught her in the living room. A little karma sutra.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

You know what I'm talking about. You ever take a look at that thing?

[Kevin Ryan]

I have. Not nice. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You don't know about all those positions and stuff, do you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, you do.

[H. Foley]

I know. Yeah, yeah, of course.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Missionary man over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crouching tiger, hidden fat.

[H. Foley]

Like the wheelbarrow.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're the barrel, of course. How you doing?

[H. Foley]

Pay a lot of money for that. My co host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and Naomi's. Just the way we like it. Give it up for kj, Kevin, James Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, everybody.

[H. Foley]

Wasting away over there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Not really. I put a couple of pounds back on.

[H. Foley]

Did you put a couple back on?

[Kevin Ryan]

Had a lot of cheesesteaks and pizza this weekend. Shout out to all the. Did you shout out to everybody for tuning in? Thanks as always. Please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify's eye.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Boys are climbing the charts.

[H. Foley]

Doing well in the charts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Doing well in the charts over there.

[H. Foley]

Last I saw 27 on comedy and in the top 100 on all podcasts.

[Kevin Ryan]

People like the program?

[H. Foley]

It's a nice program.

[Kevin Ryan]

We have a popular program with a select area of dirt bags.

[H. Foley]

Yes. Which we love and appreciate, of course. No, yeah, please, please. I was going to say, speaking of love and appreciate, how about a little quick stop by the old corner office?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hold on. You are jumping the gun here.

[H. Foley]

Am I?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, have. Hey, are you a fan of the program?

[H. Foley]

I'm a big fan of the program. You not so much.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got to check out www.patreon.com what's.

[H. Foley]

Going on over there?

[Kevin Ryan]

You go over there. Let me. Maybe if you teed it up, I could have done.

[H. Foley]

I am teen. That's my teeing it up. Get ready for the QVC episode. What happened?

[Kevin Ryan]

Kevin, head over there to the patreon.com you get at this point you can get two episodes a week every week moving forward. Plus, what is it, five years of back? Four years. You join now you get every episode we ever done over there on Patreon. If you join it to ten dollars level, which I gotta be honest with you, 90% of people are at the ten dollar level. 15,000 people strong.

[H. Foley]

That's the best value.

[Kevin Ryan]

The best value for your money. Listen, we have a lot of value based shoppers out there. That's the best bang for your buck.

[H. Foley]

Especially this time of year. A lot of value based. You know what I mean? You want to give the consumer freebase what they.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh? Light bulb.

[H. Foley]

I never got that. Yeah, I never tried it.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Smoking crack out of a light bulb.

[H. Foley]

I don't know if it's crack. You smoke out of it?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know either.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's definitely not tobacco. Oh, Lou, I heard the tickers going. What do you got, Luke? What do you smoke out of a light bulb?

[Luke Dempsey]

Survey says, survey says. Google is waiting.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a picture.

[Luke Dempsey]

It's not possible because that involves the use of regulated goods and can be dangerous.

[H. Foley]

Oh, get out of here. Somebody got their hands on him, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

AI stinks.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. What the fuck?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, I don't even know. I don't even know how to smoke crack. And you're supposed to take over the world, okay?

[H. Foley]

Give me a break. Luke Dempsey, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey Lucas.

[H. Foley]

You're doing haze.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was saying hi to Lucas. We just so happened to sync up.

[H. Foley]

Very nice. Hey buddy.

[Luke Dempsey]

We're synced up. Feeling the love today, boys.

[H. Foley]

Are you?

[Luke Dempsey]

Yeah, we had a nice little powwow early. It feels like we're back. We did.

[H. Foley]

We talked a little bit. Talking about film, television, things like that. The award season is going on right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

You know we're not up for anything.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got shafted in the podcast, the Golden Globes podcast. I mean, what are you, what are you gonna freaking do all of a sudden? You know, famous people start podcasting. They get recognized in the first three weeks. Meanwhile, we've been banging our head against the wall for 10 years.

[H. Foley]

We should start our own podcast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Awards, huh?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Win them all.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guys really think. I mean, just. Just. It's just an honor to be nominated.

[H. Foley]

I told you something the other day you didn't like.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not that I don't like.

[H. Foley]

Speaking of awards season.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. That's is more of a Patreon. Patreon episode.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it's not more that I don't like it. It's more than just a long term.

[H. Foley]

I had my eye on something in the back of my head. You know, something in the future.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nobel Peace Prize.

[H. Foley]

How do you of those. How do you get that?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

What kind of cash does that come with?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think anything. What? Probably. You probably make your money on like the like appearance for speeches and stuff.

[H. Foley]

You get around the golf course.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what we got to get into.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

The big. The corporate world start like, hey, where you go?

[H. Foley]

I've been telling you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you haven't.

[H. Foley]

Yes, I have.

[Kevin Ryan]

You've never told.

[H. Foley]

I know. I said country. We should be getting more country.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. Do some shows at the Grand Old Opry or something.

[Luke Dempsey]

You get 11 million kroner.

[H. Foley]

What's a kroner?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. That's defunct. Wait, the Swedes give that out?

[Luke Dempsey]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Wow. $11 million.

[Luke Dempsey]

1.7.

[H. Foley]

1.7.

[Kevin Ryan]

That ain't big.

[H. Foley]

Fuck that against 11 million kroner. I go over there and spend the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kroners all on Swedish fish.

[H. Foley]

Which aren't Swedish, by the way.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, thanks.

[H. Foley]

It's an American product. Real ripoff.

[Kevin Ryan]

They would just be fish if the Swedish Swedish were selling them. The Swedish wouldn't call it Swedish fish.

[H. Foley]

Of course. They would call them Swedish meatballs, don't they?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think we probably do.

[H. Foley]

No, that's a Swedish dish. I've had it over there. Oh yeah, You've never been there.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. Welcome to the Lion Corner. Fingerland. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Small town.

[Kevin Ryan]

Small town.

[H. Foley]

Switzerland. Where they make the chocolates.

[Kevin Ryan]

In Switzerland. What about Sweden?

[H. Foley]

Oh, Sweden. I don't know Sweden. I thought you're talking about Switzerland.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're telling me they sell Swedish meatballs in Switzerland? In Finderland. Switzerland?

[H. Foley]

Yes. Finerland, Switzerland.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've been to Switzerland. Very expensive. Very expensive.

[H. Foley]

Whoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

500 kroner for lunch.

[H. Foley]

Is that true?

[Kevin Ryan]

Now they're on the euro, but it's very expensive.

[H. Foley]

Huh? They don't need nobody in Switzerland.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

They're locked in. They got that they got those mountains.

[Kevin Ryan]

The banks too.

[H. Foley]

They got the banks, they got the mountains. They got on hot roads, blonde headed broads. I don't need anybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guys ain't too bad.

[H. Foley]

Tell everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

Go. Yeah, you can bounce a quarter off of 100%.

[H. Foley]

Those skiing dudes. And they're good with the, with the nickel. They can ski and shoot. That's why nobody ever invaded Swiss.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can't the Swiss? Do the Swiss have guns?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they got guns.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do they? Yeah, Switzerland.

[H. Foley]

Big ones. Nine inches. Nobody ever invaded Switzerland during World War II because they got the Alps and they got all these tunnels and shit in there. It's impossible to get in there, which. That's where I'm going.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're telling me this is news to me, but what other countries in the EU have guns like that? Do the Switzerland. This is the first time hearing of that. There'd be way more if Switzerland had. What's the, what's the carry policy over there? They ain't got handguns?

[H. Foley]

No rifles.

[Kevin Ryan]

Long gun muskets.

[H. Foley]

I said they can.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll give you a rifle.

[H. Foley]

They can shoot while they're skiing. They're very talented at shooting while they're skiing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. What's the, what's the.

[H. Foley]

Especially at the lodge after.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you ever see the crazy parties they do?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

When I first started dating my wife, she was at one. Oh. And I said bummer. What the heck is even this? It's like real orgy vibes, real attractive. Not orgy, but like they. At the end they have a. See if you can find it. It's like the, the apri parties or something.

[Luke Dempsey]

Oh, the apres ski parties.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Luke always knows.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, a fucking rich kid. Yeah, he's over there to Chateau de Dork.

[H. Foley]

Chateau de. Jerking off by himself.

[Luke Dempsey]

St. Moritz, it seems like.

[H. Foley]

Ooh. Saint Moritz. Yeah, Nice go skiing up there.

[Luke Dempsey]

I didn't know. Switzerland has a high rate of gun ownership though. Deeply tied to its militia system.

[H. Foley]

Told you I don't want to fuck with those guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

Them pussies. Neutral ass country. Pick a side. Pussies.

[H. Foley]

Oh, shoot it and bang your girl.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, close deals.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not messing with it.

[H. Foley]

Are they cut over there? Nah, nah, not the ones I seen. Couple of homegrown boys we did.

[Kevin Ryan]

We drove from Germany to Switzerland and they stopped us and searched the car for meat.

[H. Foley]

Yes sir, you are too ugly to come into the country. Your wife on the other hand, had.

[Kevin Ryan]

To pay a tax. They stopped and they were.

[H. Foley]

Eyebrow tax.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought they were looking for fucking, you know, perks or something. Sure, yeah. And I'm like, what's this?

[H. Foley]

I ain't done that shit in years, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Meat. Because meat's so expensive that the other countries, like you can't smuggle meat in. Oh, we did. We had some meat in a cooler.

[H. Foley]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

Riding dirty. What kind of T bones moose do you mean? No, the. The hamburger. It's very. I don't know, it's very expensive there or something.

[H. Foley]

Why is meat expensive?

[Kevin Ryan]

I just said I don't know three times. I'm not sure. Taxes, I assume. It's a very high tax country. I feel. I know it's very expensive. They have some sort of weird thing with meat. I didn't start talking to the fucking cop and say, hey, why is meat so expensive here? I had hands on 10 and 2.

[H. Foley]

You know, they're doing, you know, fake passport. Well, if that's what you're worried about getting smuggled.

[Kevin Ryan]

I said, this is some. Yeah, I ain't got guns. They're smuggling it.

[H. Foley]

Checking for burgers.

[Kevin Ryan]

These Swedish meatballs are my own. I swear to God.

[H. Foley]

They're for personal consumption. I like them. Speaking of things I like and don't like, I have a. Affordable. I have a photograph to show you. If Luke would indulge me.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's pretty funny. I said, oh, did he send you a picture? I don't know where he's going with it.

[H. Foley]

Something that has plagued me. Something that has caused me and a lot of other people around the world contemplation for most of my life. And the more that I think about it, the more that I cannot understand what is its function. You know, I'm a function guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's when I think of you, I think of function.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think of getting stuff done. Efficiency.

[H. Foley]

Efficiency.

[Kevin Ryan]

Finderland, Switzerland.

[H. Foley]

Finland. Switzerland.

[Kevin Ryan]

Meatballs.

[H. Foley]

Hot chicks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Long gun. Big wiener. Uncut. Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cause you're a doer.

[H. Foley]

You're an operator. I'm a doer. So what is the deal with that? You tell me. Obviously, it's a stage photograph.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was that your bathroom?

[H. Foley]

No, it's my kitchen. Yeah, it's my foot. No, it's where I do my small shoes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where's your belly button, dude?

[H. Foley]

It's below the. I'm a gentleman.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's underneath.

[H. Foley]

That's not the point.

[Kevin Ryan]

That looks photoshopped. That looks. Something's not right. Am I right? I've seen you topless a lot.

[H. Foley]

Where's my belly button?

[Kevin Ryan]

Something. This has been. This has been altered.

[H. Foley]

No, it has not.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is AI or something.

[H. Foley]

No, that's me. That's me in my bathroom as it was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Looks.

[H. Foley]

You can see the hydrogen peroxide over.

[Kevin Ryan]

There in the corner.

[H. Foley]

I like to gargle with that. I gargle with a little. I put a little. A splash of hydrogen peroxide in my mouthwash and I gargle with.

[Kevin Ryan]

I do a little. My coffee.

[H. Foley]

You do cut it a little bit, obviously. My belly. The way I look. My bathroom is not the issue. Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

It is.

[H. Foley]

The string hanging from the sweatpants.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's something going on there. I don't know. The light or there's. There's something. There's something what? I don't know, but I. I seen you topless about 48 hours ago.

[H. Foley]

And what you saying I look too good there?

[Kevin Ryan]

It looks flat and wide. It looks like there's. It's been buffed out a little.

[H. Foley]

I've been losing a lot of weight. I know. I'm down almost £50, not that you would notice.

[Kevin Ryan]

I low. You know, don't, don't. Don't sandbag me like that.

[H. Foley]

Compliment one way or the other.

[Kevin Ryan]

I compliment you all the time.

[H. Foley]

Plenty of times where my ass was right in front of you. Could have gave a little pinch, but you don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, workplace. I'm not getting. Not getting strung up on charges.

[H. Foley]

So, Luke, can you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is this the drawstring?

[H. Foley]

This is the drawstring that I'm concerned with. Now, granted, these are an old school pair of sweatpants that I got from a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are they new, though?

[H. Foley]

Relative? No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your dead dad.

[H. Foley]

I didn't say that. I didn't say that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm saying that.

[H. Foley]

Say whatever you want. It's a free country. Not in Switzerland, but here you can bring as much meat as you want. Strongly. Luke, can you tell me why they connect that string? Because I can never tie it. And they almost fell down when I was at a wrestling match a couple weeks ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you win?

[H. Foley]

Lost in the third.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. Listen, I never liked that either.

[H. Foley]

It sucks.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's one of those things.

[H. Foley]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

I battled with a pair with a. They were Old Navy and they had my whole. I would say for about five years of my life. My brother had a pair and I had a pair. Same ones, extra large and large. I was the extra large and I could sneak into the large and they were nice, but the extra large were a little big. I was about five years old, a little big husky boy, and I. They had this. And I put the knot in them to keep them up because they kept sagging. Because I'm Butler, you have to do.

[H. Foley]

Like A fucking like. Like a sailors.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You're in the Navy. Yeah.

[Luke Dempsey]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta. You gotta like. Like you're. You're. You're putting like a laundry bag or something.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I did it and it's gotta. I did it so it kept coming undone. So I like really, you know, tightened.

[H. Foley]

It up and then I couldn't get out of them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couldn't get out of it. Couldn't get them on.

[H. Foley]

Worn for three years. Cause here's the thing. That kind of sweatpants. The reason I wear those sweatpants is because. Well, I inherited them. Inherited him. I inherited them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was that in. You stole them.

[H. Foley]

Technically a legal document.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, he didn't bequeath his.

[H. Foley]

And I made a vow that I wasn't going to bring this up in the new year. But since you brought it up, I will.

[Kevin Ryan]

What did I bring up?

[H. Foley]

The passing of my father.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I did not.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you certainly did. Now you're lying.

[Kevin Ryan]

You said you got that.

[H. Foley]

You owe me three Swedish meatballs and.

[Kevin Ryan]

A couple of charged fish. And a Swedish fish kicker.

[H. Foley]

There's a few of them in my.

[Kevin Ryan]

All.

[H. Foley]

All his clothes have been transferred to my closet because I wouldn't let my mother transition.

[Kevin Ryan]

Transferred? Like it's like you like.

[H. Foley]

I had my mom put against gold.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bricks cuz she wanted been transferred under lock and key. Would you have Brinks come and do the job? Shut up. They've been transferred. A lot of paperwork.

[H. Foley]

No, I had Patty do it because she wanted to throw all this stuff out. I said you're not doing that. Throwing anything out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

I don't let go.

[Kevin Ryan]

I.

[H. Foley]

Hang on. Anyway, he has a bunch of those pairs of sweatpants that are from the 90s that I like because I like the actual sweatpants of them. Okay. And they make you look skinny. That's probably what you're seeing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got to push back on this. You were. I saw this. You were wearing all. You wore them all weekend. You wore. Not those. You wore a pair. Just like you wore an old school.

[H. Foley]

Pair of my champion black one.

[Kevin Ryan]

Snow camo says champions written in snow.

[H. Foley]

Camo on a little piece of the thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, it's a lot of snow camo. I'm sorry you were any Alps. I couldn't see it. That you're about to pull out a fucking.

[H. Foley]

What do you have to say about him?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think we can get you cooler sweatpants. They fit better. And look. You look like guy who's going to physical therapy. Where. And I'm trying to help.

[H. Foley]

Bad rotator cuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

A lot of doing A lot of these and stuff.

[H. Foley]

My mom is addicted to physical therapy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

I don't know what she's going for. Just get the goddamn knee replaced, Patty, will you?

[Kevin Ryan]

But who is. Somebody was rolling around and we were complimenting them on their. Their athleisure wear. I think you would look pretty good in a nice fitted more sweat, you know, not old school.

[H. Foley]

Who was wearing this?

[Kevin Ryan]

I forget who was somebody we were complimenting Stavi. Tommy. Maybe someone I'll know this weekend.

[H. Foley]

This weekend?

[Kevin Ryan]

It doesn't matter. We were complimenting somebody. Okay. On their pants. And it made me as you were wearing your medicinal sweatpants and it made me think you would look really good in like a more tailored cut cooler pant bringing to the 21st century a little bit rather than 1990s champion snow camo sweatpants.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that a fair assessment?

[H. Foley]

It's first, but I'll give that to you.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then that's why you don't have to deal with this loop.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You deal with like you know, some nice snap something.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Gang. This episode is brought to you by better help 2026. Doesn't have to be a new you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

Just a better version of you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just a little bit of an incremental.

[H. Foley]

Improvement and no bullshit. That's something talk therapy has taught me is it's not a complete 180. It's a little bit of a better person. The next day, the next day, the next day, the next day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Rome wasn't built in the day.

[H. Foley]

Who said that?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Anyway, back to BetterHelp. Gang, gang. Do yourself a favor. If you got to get stuff off your chest, get it off your chest with Better help. It's a great way to start talk therapy. Kevin and I have both done it and we Love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. BetterHelp has quality therapists. Better Help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US of A. They have a therapist match commitment. BetterHelp does the initial matching for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps you identify your needs and preferences. And they have a 12 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rate means we they typically get it right the first time I had done it. It's easy to get in. You get in and then you go okay, this is that you can change it. It's fantastic. They have over 30,000 therapists. You will find the one that's right for you. BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy Platforms and has served over 5 million people globally. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] garbage. That's betterhelp.com garbage.

[H. Foley]

Do it, gang. This show is sponsored by Liquid IV. Let me say it again. This show is sponsored by our favorite Liquid iv.

[Kevin Ryan]

You ain't lying.

[H. Foley]

If you're sick, if you're in the gym, if you're hungover, Liquid IV comes through in the clutch. Now they got this new energy multiplier, sugar free hydrating energy. That's a mouthful.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Energy multiplier, sugar free hydrating energy. Everything you need. Bang. Don't be fooled by these other companies. You want Liquid iv, my friend.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. It gives you the. It boosts your hydration and energy. There's no energy drink jitters or crash. We listen. We're an IV family. We a Liquid IV family. We go on the road, we got a bag of it. Everybody wakes up, listen, you're out there running and gunning on the road. You got shows, you got travel, you got buses, you got vans, you got cars. You get a little sluggish. Come showtime, everybody needs a little pep in her step. You got to be hydrated a little bit of energy. And that's what Liquid IV's energy multiplier, sugar free hydrating energy is all frigging about. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

The fact that it's absolutely delicious has.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nothing to do with it. It's just one stick and 16 ounces of water. It hydrates better than water alone. But you get a bottle of water, I take a little nip out, I'll take a little off the top, dump it in there, shake it up, you're good to go. Powered by live hydra science and optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients to turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. It supports physical energy, hydration, focus, mood and social stamina. Hydrating energy with zero sugar, zero crash from Liquid iv. Three times the electrolytes of leading sports drink. Five essential vitamins and nutrients. Always non gmo, vegan, gluten free, dairy free, soy free. How you doing? Show up better hydration and energy from Liquid IV. Zero sugar and zero crash. Tear poor, live more. Go to Liquid IV dot com. Get 20% off your first order with code garbage at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code garbage@liquid IV.com. do it. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Back to the show. Back to the show. I don't like to Draw string. Anyway, mine always go inside and that. You. You want to talk about trouble losing.

[Kevin Ryan]

That on a bathing suit. Oh, man.

[H. Foley]

Well, I'll be busy for the next six hours.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's going to get pantsed.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I would never. I'm finding that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I'm not leaving the hotel room until I found that. Are you crazy? I'm going out there with fucking loose drawers. Because I cut the fishnet out of the. Out of the inside al fresco. So I got nothing in there. Yeah, I go in for a cannonball. I'm coming up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never. I never had that. My cousins, we'd be on the beach. All my cousins are athletic. Obviously, I'm the black sheep of the. I'm the fat ass of the family.

[H. Foley]

Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

So they'd all be. And it was when board shorts hit. Board shorts without the net. Like, you know, like surfer boy. And they were surfers. They surfed. So they'd be like, you know. I mean, there's cousins that are fucking Olympians and they'd be.

[H. Foley]

Hell happened to you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sun kissed.

[H. Foley]

You're like Danny DeVito. What happened?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, that guy got pussy.

[H. Foley]

He did. But hold on, let's. Because. Because I saw a commercial with the two cousins.

[Kevin Ryan]

Me too. They were running them during a fucking game.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kids are getting fucking Blue Cross Blue shit money Stars in Philly, Blue Cross Blue Shield money. I can't even get nominated for a Golden Globe.

[H. Foley]

No kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

The one just followed me back. Fucking jerk off.

[H. Foley]

But you got down.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had to earn it.

[H. Foley]

Your brother was a bit of an athlete.

[Kevin Ryan]

My brother was a very good athlete.

[H. Foley]

You got.

[Kevin Ryan]

Brother was very fast. I think he. At one point he held the. He held some sort of record for the triple jump.

[H. Foley]

Your brother something. The triple jump. Is that in checkers? What are we talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

The triple jump Looks. King Me, Bitch.

[H. Foley]

The Marty supreme of checkers.

[Kevin Ryan]

He played in the place.

[H. Foley]

That's the movie I want to see.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the movie you were trashing. What about it? Danny was a good at. Yeah, the triple jumps. Like, you jump with your left foot, your left foot, then your right foot.

[H. Foley]

And then you jump into the sand, I think so your brother could do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

It looks like you tripped. Danny was a very good. Was very fast. Danny ran like the four. But he was. He was an anchor. He was.

[H. Foley]

Okay. So you got them. You got the two cousins that are professional soccer players. One's 14 and is a professional soccer player. Then you have family where he's good. They're good at soccer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Another.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you have The Sullivan boys?

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then you have Chris Albright.

[H. Foley]

Yes, Chris Albright.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pull up. Chris Albright.

[H. Foley]

You've been throwing that guy in my fucking face since I met you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Throwing him in your face. I mention him and you take it personal.

[H. Foley]

I have Olympians in my family. I don't go bringing them up every three seconds.

[Kevin Ryan]

Special.

[H. Foley]

Good looking kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was the Olympian. What's his. What's his pedigree?

[H. Foley]

Is he a Sullivan?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No kidding. Yeah, his mom, that's Aunt Patty's son.

[H. Foley]

Oh, is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Very nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

And also, I gotta mention, because he listens shout out. No, Chris does not listen. He's too busy. He was like the. I think he's the gaffer over there at FC Cincinnati.

[H. Foley]

The New England Revolution was that nightclub.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was a baby. Bounced in the early 2000s.

[H. Foley]

He's only four years younger than me.

[Kevin Ryan]

You guys accomplish about the same things. International career started in 99 to 2007. Guy had a. Hell, he was only played for like 14 years, 1999 to 2013.

[H. Foley]

So more of the question, what happened to you? That you. You got a pretty good golf swing, I'll give you that. Right? You got. You got a lot of touch.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't, but you do.

[H. Foley]

He does. He's very good. He's very good.

[Kevin Ryan]

He won't give it to him.

[H. Foley]

He's never.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shouldn't give it to me.

[H. Foley]

He's never seen it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, he has.

[Luke Dempsey]

We hit the sim together.

[H. Foley]

No, that doesn't count. You got to be out there on the course with the dew on the grass and the hot dogs and the cart girls.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, man. Shout out to a diesel.

[H. Foley]

You need the real fear.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couple of. Couple of. A little. A little bit of swing juice if.

[H. Foley]

You watch my drink. I tell you what, if I get this guy liquored up just to the perfect amount, I bet you he probably beat you the first time out.

[Luke Dempsey]

He does have, like, weird athleticism. The high kick, I always think of.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm pretty athletic. I'm just.

[H. Foley]

High kick. What high kick?

[Kevin Ryan]

I can kick right over your head.

[Luke Dempsey]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it's well documented.

[H. Foley]

The karate kick.

[Kevin Ryan]

My high kick.

[H. Foley]

You're gonna do it. I'm hit you with a right.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not saying we're not. First of all, I'd slap the shit out of you.

[H. Foley]

No, no faces.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd hit you hard enough, the fucking Swedish meatballs would go flying everywhere.

[H. Foley]

Like Sonic. Yeah, you gotta go back to that picture, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Rude. It's not on. They're not seeing it. But yeah. And then. So Chris's brother, he. He played an American. He had a full ride to American. Their sister had a full ride to Loyola for lacrosse and soccer.

[H. Foley]

Was your sister an athlete?

[Kevin Ryan]

Not great, no. She was very smart though. Smart, Very smart.

[H. Foley]

So what's the deal?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm smart. I feel like I've done pretty well.

[H. Foley]

Guys who say I'm smart aren't smart. I mean I say I'm smart.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not dumb.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

I figured something out.

[H. Foley]

How to scam Uber eats out of.

[Kevin Ryan]

A.

[H. Foley]

Free set of egg bites.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, and another one played like semi professional. I think it was on the Philadelphia camp.

[H. Foley]

You didn't even play high school sports or college or anything. You didn't follow down that path.

[Kevin Ryan]

You barely did.

[H. Foley]

You're not talking about me.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but you say it like you didn't even do this.

[H. Foley]

I come from an athletically disadvantaged family.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all your family talks about.

[H. Foley]

Educationally disadvantaged family. My brother is the only one in our family to finish college out of my mom, dad, my brother or my mom, dad, me and my brother. He's the only one, only college graduate in the Foley nuclear Foley household. My cousins ain't doing that great either. Word on the street is one still gotta take a couple classes of Montco to finish out a degree at Penn State.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Should have done that a year ago. Yelled at him about it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, no, everybody is. Yeah, I come I was definitely more of the. The physical black sheep. They all played, everybody played in high school. Like all even my uncles are in like the North Catholic hall of Fame and the, you know, shout out to Uncle Larry.

[H. Foley]

Your dad played semi pro football? My dad played Steelers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Played for this now the Summerton Spartans, I think or something like that. Or Roxboro Spartans something. It was for a neighborhood he wasn't even from.

[H. Foley]

Guys with a nickel bag of something in their compartment.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think he played while like my brother was alive.

[H. Foley]

That's nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Showing up like fucking black guys. I was probably just getting in a bar fights.

[H. Foley]

Do you have any information for me on why that strap? Why that string is like that?

[Luke Dempsey]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Money, please.

[H. Foley]

Money.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's got to be the cheat. It's probably significantly cheaper.

[Luke Dempsey]

Cheaper? They say the continuous loop for a cleaner look and easier management preventing dangling EDs and loss during washing. They also say it's a safety concern for prevent snagging on equipment during athletic activities.

[H. Foley]

What the fuck are you talking about? Those are sitting on the couch sweatpants.

[Luke Dempsey]

Yeah, these are the findings.

[H. Foley]

I mean plus that loop should be. Would be more dangerous. You catch it on A going out the screen door.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're dead. That's supposed to be tucked in, right?

[H. Foley]

I guess so.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never could do so like these kind of.

[H. Foley]

So I can hang my nuts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cool sweatpants.

[H. Foley]

Even put a pair of piece of piano wire down there. What are you nuts? Fucking strangling my guys out. Castrate you like Sonny Corleone. You crazy?

[Kevin Ryan]

Take the cannoli. Was it. Was it socially acceptable to wear sweatpants to school when you were in high school? Probably not.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it was in high school. No middle school for sure. I had my maroon sweats that I would wear. I've told you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I wouldn't say so. I mean I don't think you were banging at the head of the social. The social ladder.

[H. Foley]

You'd be wrong.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did very well in your maroon sweatpants. A little bit. You're telling me there wasn't cool guys and fucking cool Levi's with. Yeah. Something. You're sitting there in your maroon sweatpants trying to hide a boner if I.

[H. Foley]

Know you're slippery smooth like silk. The hell do you want.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was one kid who wasn't allowed to wear sweatpants anymore, if you catch my drift. Here in junior high you call it the Kevin Ryan law. See, I'm accomplished.

[H. Foley]

And take that thing down. Jesus Christ.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little piece of scotch tape will do you.

[H. Foley]

God.

[Kevin Ryan]

But to go back to. I remember my cousins being on the beach and they'd be like. Like six packs and they had like the. The board shorts fell on the hip and the tan line was showing.

[H. Foley]

They weren't good on fat kids.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh. Because you had to go up, under, over, in and out.

[H. Foley]

It's.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was then my ass. I got no ass. Look at.

[H. Foley]

You were old school. Riding a longboard, hanging Duke. What's his name over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was. I mean yeah, Cuff is a fat kid. But the athletic wear wasn't built for us.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Which.

[H. Foley]

Is that who it should have been built for? Lose a little weight.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I remember when sweatpants hit that they. They became kind of cool. Like the non.

[H. Foley]

The casual sweat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Kind of like the. Without the elastic at the feet. More like a pant sweatpant. Like the Gap got into those. Old Navy got into those. They became kind of big.

[H. Foley]

Well that was because that. The ones that I had my maroon. Which was. Which was an outfit. It had stripes going down. Look like a Phillies warm up. But it wasn't. But they didn't have thought it was.

[Kevin Ryan]

When you said it looked like a Phillies warm up. Nobody thought it was a Phillies, they.

[H. Foley]

Didn'T have things at the bottom either. It was more of a pant, more of a slack. Yeah. Didn't really fit. But I couldn't wear underwear with those. They were too tight. Because my underwear would bunch up and stick out.

[Kevin Ryan]

But when it came. When those cool sweatpants came in, I had a pair. And yeah, I never knew what to do with it because it was a tie, the drawstring. And it would come undone. So you would like put a bow in it. Like you would bow it or you would tuck it in or what? You. Or it would hang a little bit. But I always felt it, bro. This is. These were light gray sweats too, which are tough on your package. It's. It's not the best. It's not the best. It's not the best build.

[H. Foley]

Damn it. I forgot my penis again.

[Kevin Ryan]

I left it in my locker.

[H. Foley]

Can I go to the bathroom?

[Kevin Ryan]

So what you did with the drawstring could draw attention to a 16 year old wiener in Spanish class. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

That's the kiss of death.

[Kevin Ryan]

You had to play it right. I spent more time doing that than my hair.

[H. Foley]

You must be wearing a Nazi uniform at that point. You're getting called out. I don't know. I figured it looked obvious. Did you ever sweeten back then?

[Kevin Ryan]

What, with like a roll of quarters or something?

[H. Foley]

You go roll the dimes. It's something. This would be middle school.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did I ever sweeten my package?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, we had a kid that did.

[Kevin Ryan]

With what?

[H. Foley]

English? Cucumber.

[Kevin Ryan]

What the fuck's in English? Hello.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Smaller.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at me, Beckett.

[H. Foley]

Like a pickle. Cucumber. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I don't. That was never my.

[H. Foley]

You got busted.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. What?

[H. Foley]

Embarrassing thing is, I saw it years later.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good solid cut.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Maybe he's having fun with it. I mean, do people really think that's.

[H. Foley]

Gonna bring him in? This was. This was the late 80s, 90s.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, sure.

[H. Foley]

Different rules back then. I remember the big rock stars did it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Listen, that's sure.

[H. Foley]

Tight jeans, sticks tickets.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've seen Rockstar stand up and shine.

[H. Foley]

Why did he sweeten?

[Kevin Ryan]

I would Jennifer Aniston running around. Sweet peaches.

[H. Foley]

I like the manager.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. I remember I saw middle aged black dude walking down Broad Street. Cowboy, had on tight pair of jeans. And his unit was tucked down his leg like it had made it past the. The crotch. And I caught eyes with this thing and I would like. I like quadrupled. I was. I couldn't. My brain couldn't compute. And he hit me with a All right, brother. I said, how you doing, my man? Wherever you're going.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm on my way. All that's neither here nor there. Package, no package. Sweatpants, no sweats.

[H. Foley]

So nothing really resolved on that?

[Luke Dempsey]

I don't think so. I think we got to get you new gear.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I think. I don't think you can. I mean, you know, those are like I said, that's like.

[H. Foley]

I don't buy those answers, by the way. Is that from the same AI that didn't know how to smoke anything out of a light bulb? Yeah, because I'm not trusting that idiot. Who you got over there? It's probably just some kid fucking typing that somewhere too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Didn't say somebody got caught. That it was like just a bunch of dudes in India like replying. Yeah, somebody got caught recently.

[H. Foley]

It's all bullshit.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. As you know, when you join the old Patreon, a greatest website in the whole wide world. Over 15 strong. 15,278 to be exact. From this moment right now, the regiment. This one's from crash out. Kim. $10. Trashmonger. First time writing in. Are you garbage if you spray dry shampoo on your dirty socks to get another day out of them?

[H. Foley]

I like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Doesn't happen often, but works in a pinch.

[H. Foley]

What do you know about this dry shampoo?

[Kevin Ryan]

Absolutely nothing.

[H. Foley]

Because I'm in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it just like a, you know, a fret? Like a Zhuzhou? Just zhuzh it up.

[H. Foley]

I gotta be honest with you. I know you probably can't tell, right? I need a little color and I really had to work on it, you know, from the summer and the fall. I wasn't getting, you know, really good night sleeps. Now I am. I've been very, very into my grooming and skincare routine, which this dry shampoo falls under. Like, did you know that there, if you blow dry your hair, you should spray it with some shit before you blow dry it so the heat doesn't damage it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, the girls do that with like the heat resistant.

[H. Foley]

I got three different sprays. I do. One of them is just salt water. It gives it more body crunch. Yes, it's dry shampoo. I'm a guy who doesn't wash his hair all the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never do.

[H. Foley]

Because you're not supposed to.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. I mean, I could go months.

[H. Foley]

Can I smell it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Don't put any boogers in there. Oh, this might be. Oh, it's sprayed with something.

[H. Foley]

Smells like a nursing home. Smells like days gone by. That doesn't smell like anything. It doesn't have that grease smell. No, but when you had that grease.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't have thick hair. I've always had baby doll hair. Remember my buddy? I told you my buddy just cut my hair. He goes, you have hair like a baby dick.

[H. Foley]

Like.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I was. I was like 19, like my hair was still cooking.

[H. Foley]

How do you take something like that?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Punch in the face like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got a basement in North Philly. I couldn't really argue with them.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you have a drug problem. How's that make you feel?

[Kevin Ryan]

Why aren't any light bulbs in your house? He cut my hair and I went home. And he did it without a mirror. And I went home. It looked like I got. I rented a wood chipper.

[H. Foley]

Cried your eyes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was missing patches everywhere.

[H. Foley]

But I got that dry shampoo and it's great.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can you give me a rundown of exactly what it is?

[Luke Dempsey]

Dry shampoo freshens hair by absorbing oil and sweat, extending time between washes, adding volume. Volume and saving time.

[Kevin Ryan]

So it's like a not a pleasing odor. Like a baby powder type thing. It absorbs. Not baby powder, but like the same. If you're sweaty, moisture the baby powder.

[H. Foley]

Febreze for your hair.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. But how does, how does liquid absorb liquid?

[H. Foley]

That's probably a lie.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Nobody's checking that shit. It just makes it smell good. And Tresemme, Ooh La la. Has a hairspray fragrance, which is great.

[Kevin Ryan]

So it's just cologne.

[H. Foley]

Like just basically cologne for your hair.

[Kevin Ryan]

But they have a hairspray has fragrance.

[H. Foley]

But that also sticks and does things. This is just the smell. So. And that smell is really good. I also have this feminine spray, Summer's Eve, that I spray in my vagina nooks and crannies just to keep everything dry and ph balanced for the boys.

[Kevin Ryan]

Obviously not when you're on your period though.

[H. Foley]

Of course not. Get a yeast infection. But you spray that on your socks. I can really get into that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, we travel a lot, obviously. This last run we went on, I wasn't in the best position, starting a short run, two day run. But I was, I was a little jammed up, sock wise. I used the same pair of socks the whole trip.

[H. Foley]

That's funny.

[Kevin Ryan]

So did I traveled. They were brand new gold toes though. They held. The gold toes are nice. And I, I didn't overwear them. I took them off a lot. I. I placed them down when I was done. So probably the whole. I didn't wear them for most of the day, but I could have used a little juj up by day three for sure.

[H. Foley]

It's funny you mentioned that, because I got into a thing. I had showered generously before we left.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is not.

[H. Foley]

And then we flew and I didn't shower before that show. And then the next morning we traveled and I didn't shower until that night. And I wore the same socks.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not great for you, probably. No shower. And your shoes aren't in the best. I was jumping between new shoes and travel shoes.

[H. Foley]

These are brand new shoes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Kevin got him at Kohl's.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're a wild. You're a wild man, dude.

[H. Foley]

They're Amitas. Belarusan for Adidas. Nice. You wouldn't know that I bought those at Kohl's.

[Kevin Ryan]

I do now that I see them. I never looked at them. They're tight. Those things are look like a ballerina.

[H. Foley]

One's are. One's a nine, one's a 12 and a half.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're both.

[H. Foley]

Laughs Very painful. God, I remember when I figured that out as a kid because I wore my shoes on the wrong feet for like a day and I couldn't understand. It was like, you know, probably I was in like before kindergarten, like when I was responsible for putting on my own shoes. I remember I did that once and I was like, what is wrong with these things? And then I realized that they go a certain way.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

You know.

[Kevin Ryan]

He'S getting smarter.

[H. Foley]

Struck out at that dance, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

He kept going in a circle.

[H. Foley]

Couldn't do the hokey pokey for shit. Kevin's Talk about chime, chime, chime, chime, chime is changing the way people bank fee free and smarter banking built for you. Not like old school banks that charge you overdraft fees and monthly fees. I've been a victim of that a couple of times. We're talking about banking built for you. Not the 1 percenters out there, the hard working people of this country.

[Kevin Ryan]

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[H. Foley]

Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services a secured Chime Visa credit.

[Kevin Ryan]

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[H. Foley]

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[Kevin Ryan]

No min balance required.

[H. Foley]

Chime card on time.

[Kevin Ryan]

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[H. Foley]

On your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms.

[Kevin Ryan]

I have created the most advanced AI soldier.

[H. Foley]

The wait is over. Tron Ares now streaming on Disney. We are looking for something. Something you've discovered. Give me something to believe in and some of us will stop at nothing.

[Kevin Ryan]

To get it ready.

[H. Foley]

The countdown is complete.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's no going back.

[H. Foley]

Our directive is clear.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hang on.

[H. Foley]

Tron Ares now streaming on Disney. Rated PG 13 Great question.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. This is from DL. Are you garbage? If you won't buy, win for life. Scratch offs. Because if you win, you think they're gonna kill you to avoid paying you.

[H. Foley]

That's my kind of paranoid.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the level of paranoia we're looking for here. Dude. Just like that. With that set for life. Of course. Somebody be out to get you.

[H. Foley]

Take the lump sum.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's what they are. That's what the one thing I remember from my I was so bad. There's certain things I've learned that my brain can just not comprehend.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Economics and finance.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that's not good to hear.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I'm not in charge of the economy.

[H. Foley]

You're in charge of my economy, which ain't doing well.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not at all. Makes sense. That's. You have made all of your own poor decisions, but you're in charge.

[H. Foley]

You're. Okay, let me rephrase that.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, if I was in charge, you would not be in the position you're in.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that's true.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've asked you to put me in charge. I've asked you to listen to me, to listen to my advice, to listen to my advice on the professionals that we pay. Yet you refuse to. And you're in your current position.

[H. Foley]

That's how you ruin weekends.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you keep saying, I just need a few more months.

[H. Foley]

Playing it smarts. But the most dangerous thing a girl like I could do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got two different shoes on right now.

[H. Foley]

That's from moonstruck. Playing it safe is about the most dangerous thing a girl like you could do. Love that. Moonstruck, folks. If you haven't seen it, check it out. Fantastic.

[Kevin Ryan]

But those things I couldn't. The win for life, all that kind of the. The one thing I remember from my finance class was a dollar today is worth more than a dollar tomorrow. Always take the lump sum.

[H. Foley]

So what? So what's all this bullshit with people doing retirement funds? Get it now, if a dollar today is worth more than a dollar.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because the financial advisor is trying to make a retirement fund for you. No.

[H. Foley]

They have one.

[Kevin Ryan]

It is if you invest it.

[H. Foley]

In what?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, anything you take.

[H. Foley]

So I thought they had it invested.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? No. But that is your money, right? The retirement money is your money, right? Yeah. And you've put it in an account.

[H. Foley]

I haven't. He did.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. We're trying to conservatorship the doll. They hold the dollar. The lottery holds a dollar till they give it to you in 35 years. And a dollar in 35 years, due to inflation, is less than a dollar today. If you take the do, you can put it in a retirement account I got. It'll make you money. Meanwhile, it's sitting in their account and making them money? Yeah, they're playing the markets. They're switching again. Overnight. That's what my dad always said. They're your money. You think that's your money? They convert it to yen overnight and play the markets over there while you're sleeping. I said, listen, you don't have any money. They just repoed the car. Shut up.

[H. Foley]

But they do, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

They do that shit?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Why do you. Why do you care?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. Yeah. I want to get into the Hong Kong Yen. Get over there and mix it up a little bit. Wear them suits, have late dinners.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that what they do?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's what they do. Then they shoot themselves sitting on a park bench with a briefcase because it all goes south. Those guys work their asses off over there. That and Japanese stockbrokers. Those guys are on edge.

[Kevin Ryan]

I want to get in the tuna game. Really? Black. Black market tuner fish.

[H. Foley]

What, so you don't need tuna fish?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't want to eat it. I want to get a fleet of boats, go out there, poach.

[H. Foley]

No, you know, we should do.

[Kevin Ryan]

You just took that serious? Nah, nah, nah.

[H. Foley]

No, we should go. We should take a fishing trip and go out and catch one of those huge tunas for like 200 grand.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

What? That stupid?

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, you act like they're all. You can just catch them.

[H. Foley]

I saw a video of some lady calling by herself.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, what do you want me to do?

[H. Foley]

I want you to get us out there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Put that fish in a retirement fund.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Now we can sell it.

[Kevin Ryan]

After a little meal, you show up, it's all bones.

[H. Foley]

It's a three hour trip back starving. And I would have it all because you wouldn't eat it. You don't like it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You'd have to pay me for my half, though.

[H. Foley]

I'm not gonna eat the whole goddamn thing. We're just gonna have lunch. You gotta. You gotta feel. Dress it out there anyway.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that thing swimming around in the fucking boat.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't. You know, you brain them. You take a little. They sell like aluminum. Baseball bat you.

[H. Foley]

I don't want to do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

They don't have central nervous systems.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't think he'd do that to you. If you had to chance. He'd have you strung up on a dock selling you.

[H. Foley]

Come on, man. I'll let you go.

[Kevin Ryan]

He'd be doing that thing where he fucking sticks the thing in and pulls out your meat to see how red you are. Oh. Oh, man. Imagine that. Ah.

[H. Foley]

God damn it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I told you I'd play along.

[H. Foley]

I wonder why they don't bring them back alive and then sell them alive.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think you got to get them on ice, right? They. They. They salt them and ice them, I think, or something like that.

[H. Foley]

Or just carry them behind the ship in the water.

[Kevin Ryan]

It tote them backwards. The water goes in their gills, kills them.

[H. Foley]

No, I don't want to do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

I want to keep them alive. I don't want to kill him and I want to make some money off of them.

[Kevin Ryan]

You want to kill them? What do you think they're going to do with them. You think they're going to put them in a big aquarium and feed them breadcrumbs like the house in Green Mile? The yakuza is going to be eating them in 25 minutes.

[H. Foley]

Shit. Well, what are you going to do? Can't stop the yen.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, what do you got, Luke? I saw you tie. I saw you fucking clicking away over there. Yeah.

[Luke Dempsey]

They immediately freeze them. As soon as they get them on the vessel, send them to factories that use ultra low temperatures to create sashimi grade fillets.

[H. Foley]

Sashimi? More of a sushi man. Like a little rice.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't touch the stuff. I'm a goddamn patriot.

[H. Foley]

Forget Pearl harbor, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Blue Moon. Bozo. Great name. Ten dollar homie. Never have one red. Are you garbage if you had to get your tie tied for homecoming at the bar that your mom goes to because no one at the house knew how to tie a tie? Holy shit, man.

[H. Foley]

She's not home taking pictures of you. She's out at the bar getting sauced.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, maybe she was there. She was at home and said the only people I know, the only guy. Gentlemen I know who know how to tie a tie are at the bar.

[H. Foley]

Either way, shout out to her.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's getting the job done though. You know, I think my member. I forgot. Forget Ty tied somebody. I think the guy had a tie. Mine. The photographer tied mine for my graduation pictures.

[H. Foley]

Where's your daddy, boy? He run off, sir. Hey, your mom over there?

[Kevin Ryan]

He's playing the. Yeah, he's playing. He's playing the markets in Hong Kong.

[H. Foley]

I know how to tie a tie from an early age. Dad taught me every morning.

[Kevin Ryan]

Brutal, wake up, put your sweatpants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.

[H. Foley]

He'd wake up and sling right over the bed. Oh, man, that morning breath would hit you like a megaphone. Brutal. You tie it up. Yeah, Keep it for a couple of days, then you get up, come back.

[Kevin Ryan]

I see that now with my, with my. With little Kipirino in the middle of the night.

[H. Foley]

He's wearing ties.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, my breath will really smack him in the face a little bit.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, what do you want from me? I'm parched.

[H. Foley]

Adult humans.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's woke me up at three in the morning. It's not like I.

[H. Foley]

Adult human smell so bad to human children. It's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why do you say humans so many times?

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why don't you just say adults and kids? I don't Know, wacko.

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

To human babies and offspring.

[H. Foley]

But I'm often curious. What? I've asked a couple of my cousins when they were. When they were younger. I was like, what, do I smell like you or what do I look like to you? Because, you know, their eyes are different.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta guess Eaters and Swedish meatball.

[H. Foley]

Because when you're a kid, a little bit of sashimi, like they, they, you know, like. Like you look like a younger guy to me. It's like when you watch football and you still think they're older than you, but not now that Cooper DeJean, a young kid. Tight body on that guy too. Run you over. Anyway, I'm always curious about what I look like to younger eyes. Does that make sense? Like if I look like an old fat man?

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, probably like a young fucking jack athlete is what I meant. Well, what do you mean?

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

You just said if I look like an old fat man, you're overweight and you're 50 and you have gray hair.

[H. Foley]

How would you put it? Like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I don't know. It's like. Yeah, I mean, talk about detached from reality.

[H. Foley]

You forget about our fishing trip? Yep. I'll catch the tune on my own.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uhhuh. Hey, what do I look like to you? It's all bug. Ey.

[H. Foley]

I don't really give a man, you're about to kill me. No, I'm not.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're biting them. Hachi Machi gang. All right, this one's from Anita Heater. Great name.

[H. Foley]

Fantastic.

[Kevin Ryan]

You ever get caught with a Dryer street stuck on you somewhere? It's if so when mine was a first date with my ex wife.

[H. Foley]

Dryer sheet. You said Dryer Street. Okay, I'm going to let that one go. Thanks anyway. I have had socks in my jeans. I've had females underwear in my jeans.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, on you.

[H. Foley]

It's a joke.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember the first time I ever saw that. That what?

[H. Foley]

Ladies underwear.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guy wearing ladies.

[H. Foley]

2 weeks ago. A guy wearing ladies underwear.

[Kevin Ryan]

What year did we meet?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I've had a lady's underwear before.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Luke Dempsey]

Whale Dylan.

[H. Foley]

Not. No, I've seen that video in a situation. I wasn't wearing it out of the house.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, Oscar De La Hoya. Zip it.

[H. Foley]

Freak gag.

[Kevin Ryan]

You ever see those pictures?

[H. Foley]

What are you gonna do?

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but then he's like, listen, we've all done. His speech is pretty good. Said he's like talking on a podcast. Like, listen, we've all done stuff to try to get a little Bit of ass. And everybody's like, whoa.

[H. Foley]

He was partying a lot, huh? He yacked up, you start doing freaky dickies.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not judging him. He tried to like, link it in. Like, he was talking to like five dudes. And you guys know, right? They're all. What? The cameras are rolling here.

[H. Foley]

Jeep.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. First time I saw a guy wearing a thong, song blew my mind.

[H. Foley]

Where'd you see that?

[Kevin Ryan]

It was hard as a rock.

[H. Foley]

Where?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm kidding. At the X Games. He was a BMX guy. He was like a BMXer and we. It was me, Pat, Maybe like my boy deli or somebody. And was he.

[H. Foley]

Why was he wearing it? Comfort.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't ask him. He's a. You know, either comfort or. That's how he rolled.

[H. Foley]

Are there thongs for men? Maybe it's like an athletic thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you get them a victorious. It's not. If it's not. Listen, I. I got eyes on this thing. There's no way that made you do a backflip.

[H. Foley]

It might have been a jock strap.

[Kevin Ryan]

For the world's smallest cup. This thing was like dental floss.

[Luke Dempsey]

I mean, Foley fashion. Yes, Thongs are for men and widely available and gaining popularity from basic strings and DPAC styles for everyday wear.

[H. Foley]

Everyday wear?

[Kevin Ryan]

Right.

[H. Foley]

From the office to happy hour with your favorite guy. I'm with it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not against.

[H. Foley]

I like a jock strap too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

I mean, back in the day, guys used to wear them to swim in with a bathing suit over top wear like a pair of. Pair of shorts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. They'd wear a jock strap with a bait with. With a pair of basketball shorts, and that's what you would swim in.

[Kevin Ryan]

What. What's a jock strap? You do. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

It gives you a little support and it's not as clingy as underwear.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, you know, like Marco Polo swim or like breaststroke swim. Like, are they competitively swimming?

[H. Foley]

No, leisure swim. Like at the pool.

[Kevin Ryan]

When was. What years was this, 80s?

[H. Foley]

Go ahead, give it a Google.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not a guy. I'm just. I don't understand it, that's all. I'm not. I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just.

[H. Foley]

Well, jock straps were more prevalent back then. You know, people actually wore them for, you know, athletic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Athletic purposes.

[H. Foley]

I don't know if anybody wears them now. I don't think so in the NFL. No, they're wearing jocks.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think. I think the big thing in hockey is no one wears a cup. Crazy. I think. Would Liquefy your testes, you get hit. I'm sure that. I mean, I remember playing. Not a lot of kids did turn.

[H. Foley]

That into a thing of gushers.

[Luke Dempsey]

I'm getting. Speedos were popular. Jock straps were for sports in the gym.

[H. Foley]

That's that bullshit. Google or whatever you got.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I believe it on this.

[Luke Dempsey]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think somebody.

[H. Foley]

Well, can you say that. Asking if. If the. If the.

[Luke Dempsey]

Asked in the 80s, ask if the.

[H. Foley]

Popularity of jock straps have gone down.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I mean, that's for sure. Yeah. No one's saying that's not the case. I mean, was it. Did people wear jock straps without a cup? They were solely a cup.

[H. Foley]

Sometimes I wore them without a cup. Sometimes they had ones that didn't have a cup holder in it.

[Kevin Ryan]

So what's that do? Just keep you.

[H. Foley]

It keeps you tight for. You know. It's not because I think it was boxers. It lets you stretch more. Plus, it juices up the ass a little bit. So when you're at right feud, you let the broads know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not for me.

[Luke Dempsey]

Keeps you open for business.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Pull your butt apart, dude. Mike Honcho, this thing spread my butt apart and everything. Yeah, they were, like, phased out by the time.

[H. Foley]

You couldn't have not liked them.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember I put one on once for hockey, and I. It just, like, felt sexy.

[H. Foley]

He stared hard in the mirror.

[Kevin Ryan]

Start wailing on my. My. I remember my fat thighs, like the cup couldn't get down, you know, because my legs were rubbing. I didn't have a thigh gap. So it was just like. And I think I had, like, a big cut. I was just like. It was just so uncomfortable. And I'm like, this seems more trouble than it's worth. I got a small target to begin with. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Goddamn crack shot to hit me.

[Kevin Ryan]

To have the DC sniper try to try to pop me one. Hey, let's get out there.

[H. Foley]

Eric Lindros, since we're playing against Robin Hood, I'll be all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. And I remember and. But then no one really wore them. And I think then some of the hockey pants came with, like, an insert that you could just put the cup right in there. So it was more external than, like, you know, part of you.

[H. Foley]

I didn't wear one on the cross because it was. It hurt too much to run.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Same situation. My thighs were too big and my dick was too small.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, I didn't see that. I want me with you. Sashimi, Dick.

[H. Foley]

Trav, cut that.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This is. This one's Wild and I. This is from Charles Cheese. $10 Wawa soft pretzel. Never how to question Red. Working at a gas station, is it garbage to ask a customer to bum a heater after you sell them a pack?

[H. Foley]

Oh, my God. Well, that's where you would do it, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I've. I've bought, I don't know, thousands of packs of heaters at this point. That's net at some shady places.

[H. Foley]

Just steal a pack.

[Kevin Ryan]

No one's ever asked me. I get it though.

[H. Foley]

Just steal a pack. They're not gonna know who gives a fuck of cigarettes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now they start tracking that because that's like the state taxes they pay that those became like the most.

[H. Foley]

I thought that was a rule. Anyway. Give a pack, take a pack.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't want to be give a.

[H. Foley]

Penny, take a penny. Although if I was the consumer, I would be like, you know, you got to give me a Tootsie Roll or a nickel piece of gum or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

You got things back there to negotiate with, huh? You just bang me out for a 20 pack of cigarettes. Now you're hitting me up for one. Talk to your manager. Of course I would give it to him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I would. Guy.

[Luke Dempsey]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Still want that piece of gum though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Something. Piece of double bubble Reese's Pieces or something?

[H. Foley]

No, that's too much. It's got to be a nail nickel candy. A single laptop.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was thinking. I was thinking of a Reese's. A little banger.

[H. Foley]

I do that for a pepper and patty.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of course.

[H. Foley]

I do a lot for a peppermint patty. I think I got in those women's underwear. That was a Wawa.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I listen, I think, I mean, I. I'm shocked. It's never happened to me. I'd be more okay. I'd be totally okay with it. My packing a little bit. I got you, buddy. I hit that. Mind hitting that with the trash? There you go. Take two.

[H. Foley]

Oh, there's a trade off. They're throw down in the trash for me. It's good.

[Kevin Ryan]

But a lot of questionable places because of the lottery, there's a trash can typically right next to you.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Anymore. The places in the city don't like doing it because people come in with like fucking Chinese food trash and throw it out. Yeah. It's like.

[H. Foley]

What was I going to say? I always give. When a homeless guy asks, I always give him two. Hey, take two. Take one for later.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not my prouder moment, but I didn't always give to the homeless guys. Depending on how quickly I'd give them one to end the situation if they came over and asked. Depending on. I didn't know. Depend. It all depended on an ocular assessment of the guy and how much of a problem this was going to be. There's a lot of times. I mean, where were we? We were just in Rochester. Is the only homeless guy in the whole. Dude, this homeless guy clocked us from about three blocks away because it's. There's nobody. You were sick? No, there was nobody with. There was nobody walking around downtown Rochester. This guy clocked us and fucking beelined it and then just got. He was in the middle of our group trying to hit us with this. And that guy. Get this. I get that. And I. It was one of those things where in New York they hit. A lot of times they'll hit you with one thing. Hey, can you. Yeah, I'm sorry. Whatever. I'm working. He can't do it. They respect it because they just go, all right. Onto the next guy. But there was nobody else walking down downtown.

[H. Foley]

Rocha, you're the only guys on the line.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, my God, this guy. That guy was not giving the sale up. He hit us with 15, 20 different responses. How about this now? How about that? How about this? How about that? I got nothing. You got Venmo. You got this.

[H. Foley]

Venmo.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was you.

[H. Foley]

I know you got it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hit me up at h. At H. Foley. Yeah, but that's a great move if you're in a jam. I took. That's got to be the best job. That or like bouncer. Because so many people are smoking cigs or buying cigs at bars and.

[H. Foley]

Or gas stations, and everybody wants to get tight with the bouncer.

[Kevin Ryan]

There you go. I'll be right back.

[H. Foley]

Popping out one of the biggest things in our society. You want the bouncer to like you always. Which you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why is that? Why do we want their approval?

[H. Foley]

Because they're. They beat you up. They're cool. They're dictating who goes in and who goes out. You look cool if they. If they're cool with you. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but I'm saying, why. Like, I get that. I get it. But like, why does. And I'm. I'm. I fall victim to.

[H. Foley]

They're in a position of power.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but that's just in that fucking. Two by two. And why am I. And I'm saying. Not you, me. Why am I like. I want this guy to like me. Let me in a fucking bar. You don't want me in a Bar. I'm a leaf. I have plenty of bars around here.

[H. Foley]

I can go to take my Reese's cups elsewhere. You, I would have to assume a lot of bouncers you rubbed the wrong way.

[Luke Dempsey]

Depended where I was at in my night.

[Kevin Ryan]

Night.

[Luke Dempsey]

Yeah. Later in. I was not their favorite customer.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't, I don't think I've ever really been.

[H. Foley]

Disliked by a bouncer. Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, you know, I wasn't their favorite for sure. But like. And when we would get bounced or in like somewhat of a, you know, we were in college. Somewhat of a scuffle of some kind or something like that, you know what I mean? Some shoving, some, you know, bumping uglies. Put my jaw strap on and square up.

[H. Foley]

I'll be right back.

[Kevin Ryan]

I come out dressed like Oscar de Loom's about to kick your ass. I was always like, yeah, I get it. I, I've never argued to get back into a place. And we would a lot of the, you know, early in our New York comedy career, we were down there in the Village.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

At those bars that are like real bridge and tunnel crowd. It's people on bachelor parties. It's people coming in for the night just going. They go there to get fucked up and go bar hopping wherever they can.

[H. Foley]

Get in the Wagon Wheel, whatever it's called.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, there was all Thunder Jacksons was one. The Peng Peculiar Pub, the fucking Red lion, the Village Lantern fucking all those kind of bars off the wagon Three sheets. They're all just like get fucked up bars. We're like happy hour till midnight. What the people would get thrown out and we'd be like waiting out front smoking cigs between shows and then like argue to get back in. And I, I get it but I've just never been to the guy of like. You physically have removed me from this thing. I'm going to negotiate my way back here.

[H. Foley]

Come on, man. Yeah, yeah, me either. I'm out. I've never been thrown out of a bar like that, I don't think.

[Kevin Ryan]

Me either.

[H. Foley]

Except for that one. And maybe once or twice they were.

[Kevin Ryan]

Getting fucking launched out of the Copa Banana on Penn's campus. They had $lions heads. Pat grabbed the guy's ass. Pat de La Hoya, somebody. And it turned into an all out brawl.

[H. Foley]

That's just good clean fun. We've seen our time in the Village. We've seen a bouncer or two murder a guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, essentially. And he's like, it's cool, I got a license. I'm like, not to do what you just did. The cops came in, arrested him. That was the last day we saw him.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's looking at bags. God, I'm cool. We're like, that guy's on his way to the hospital. And you are.

[H. Foley]

That kid woke up though.

[Kevin Ryan]

He came back the next day and apologized.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I didn't mean to hit that guy's knuckles so hard on my face.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think his head was the hit the pavement. Yeah. A dangerous job.

[Luke Dempsey]

Those videos were so big and like, I knew. I was like, I'm the guy to get.

[Kevin Ryan]

You'd be body. So you be the guy getting sued.

[Luke Dempsey]

So I was quickly, like, as soon as I got the shoulder tap, I was like, let's walk. Just walk out the gate.

[H. Foley]

I completely understand.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. And listen. I'm a dirtbag in the sense of they're the cops to me in the sense of, listen. There's a set of rules at this bar. That guy's job is to enforce the rules.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Back in the day, there'd be bars that you couldn't smoke in that we would try to smoke in Philadelphia. Why? Because I was a drunk asshole. And it would go all the way upstairs. We'd be down in the other people. We would be doing it. And I wouldn't just be the guy to be like. I wouldn't be like ordering at the bar. Like, can I get fucking meatball sub? And. But you'd be in the basement of a certain bar. It'd be packed and Aaron Express or something like that. And it would be like, you tried not to get caught. But if you got caught, I go, you got me red handed. Whatever. Whatever I was doing wrong, they gave me cat and mouse. They ultimately got me posh out. I'd leave. I don't know. You know, listen, there's plenty Irish pubs I can go to. You know what I mean? Plenty of bars.

[H. Foley]

You think I could fucking strike out at any bar in town?

[Kevin Ryan]

Burping. I got the hiccups.

[H. Foley]

Plenty of broad. Slap me in the face. I don't need you. I do have an order of wings coming though. They can be all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

You wrap them up to go. Oh, man, this is just a pro move. This is from John V. Never have one read. Is it garbage to splash water on yourself while washing your hands to cover up a pee stain that you got from finishing up in the bathroom? That's the gentleman's thing you come out with. I would even take it one step further, have your hands a little wet. Wait till you see your party and then be like, no, no. Ran out of paper towels, sinks. Someone took the screen out of the sink to smoke crack in the panther. Right there. We should find the bouncer, kick them out of here. I would do that.

[H. Foley]

You know what, Peace stain?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Luckily for me, your shirt covers it.

[H. Foley]

My shirt covers it? Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Phil X.

[H. Foley]

A lot of pee stains.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wears khakis and every picture he's got the little fucking quarter spot. Little peace, little. A little. Little dabble. Do ya? It's just a tough look. Yeah, it's just a tough fucking look. And listen, there's been times when you've been at the sink, you turn the water on and it blasts up. You're not expecting it, so it's believable.

[H. Foley]

Or as a heavier guy, you. You lean against the sink and don't realize it and your shirt gets that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's easier, though. You gotta pee in your belly button. You don't have a belly button. I've seen the photographic. Photographic evidence. All right. We gotta wrap it up, though, gang.

[H. Foley]

See my other sweatpants, gang. We love you to death. Grab tickets to come see the boys. The big tour.

[Kevin Ryan]

The big tour. Oh, yes.

[H. Foley]

Starts in March.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Still. It's happening. Still happening.

[H. Foley]

Happening.

[Kevin Ryan]

Take a little bit of a hiatus. We're coming back with. Starting March with Austin and Tampa. We're doing a weekend down there at the creek, and we're doing a weekend down there at one of our fave side splitters. Shout out to Tampa, Florida. They're gonna be our only Florida shows for the year. So get them ticks. Get the Orlando, South Florida, come up. Make a weekend of it, please.

[H. Foley]

We love you. We'll see you tomorrow. Peace.