Armchair Anonymous: Dental Disaster

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Episode: Armchair Anonymous: Dental Disaster
Date: November 21, 2025
Host: Dax Shepard with Monica Padman
Theme: Real-life dental mishaps shared by listeners with unfiltered humor, empathy, and a hearty dose of dental anxiety.

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the world of unforgettable dental disasters—an "Armchair Anonymous" format where Dax, Monica, and, in parts, guest co-hosts connect with listeners sharing their most cringe-worthy, painful, or downright bizarre teeth-related stories. The hosts oscillate between horrified empathy and irreverent humor, especially as Dax repeatedly notes this episode pushes his personal boundaries of squeamishness.

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Key Discussion Points & Listener Stories

1. Christy’s VR Catastrophe

[02:36 – 14:29]

Story Highlights:

• Christy explains she’s ex-dental staff and prides herself on finding good dentists (03:00).
• Family birthday party in Redding, CA, featuring VR goggles and three rambunctious teenage nephews (04:01).
• Christy is put to a (virtual) plank-walking test in VR—leaps with gusto, not realizing real-world furniture is in front of her (06:35).
• Lands mouth-first onto the entertainment center, bending four front teeth backward, nearly knocking one out (07:08).
• Rushed to ER—staff bewildered (09:48), teeth are pushed back in and cemented by a non-dentist ER doctor.
• Sent on for actual dental care, no broken teeth or bones, ultimately requires months in braces but attends daughter’s birthday unharmed the next day.
• Nephews so traumatized by the incident they sell their VR goggles (13:02).

Notable Quotes

• "This is the worst episode we've ever recorded… We finally found the thing I'm very squeamish about." — Dax [00:21]
• "I feel a tooth on my tongue." — Christy [07:11]
• “My brain takes a second. I just stand. It is dead silent. I can feel blood in my mouth.” — Christy [07:22]
• “You shut that down. …My nephews all sold their VR goggles because they were so traumatized.” — Dax [13:03]

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2. Amanda’s Zipline Faceplant

[15:14 – 26:38]

Story Highlights:

• Amanda, camp counselor, working zipline duty at a Pennsylvania summer camp (16:09).
• Tasked to retrieve an empty, runaway pulley, leaps to catch it, trips, and lands mouth-first on rocks (17:13).
• "I remember hearing a crunching noise." — Amanda [17:49]
• Sent to urgent care, then hospital; broke the bone above her top front teeth (maxilla), but didn’t lose teeth.
• Spends summer with yellow temporary braces, can’t bite into food, eventually needs root canals (24:54).
• Hospital visited is the inspiration for the TV show "The Pit." Amanda shares the ER’s chaos mirrors the show (26:29).

Notable Quotes

• “I was convinced that I had knocked all my teeth out. I held my hand in front of my mouth just in case…” — Amanda [22:54]
• “I just went, no.” (when asked if she was ok after the fall) — Amanda [23:42]
• “All I wanted was a taco the whole summer.” — Amanda [24:56]
• “I have told dentists… ‘it’s a little sensitive in the front…’ They were like—it shouldn’t be! — ‘Emotionally?!’” — Amanda [25:04]

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3. Amy’s Laughing Gas Induced Spectacle

[29:02 – 44:33]

Story Highlights:

• Amy, from London, Ontario, shares her lifelong dental anxiety (30:41).
• Due to a cracked tooth from a candy sucker, needs a crown and opts for nitrous oxide during a three-hour appointment (32:12).
• Eats ramen and drinks coffee for breakfast beforehand (33:05).
• Under the dental dam and gas, suddenly passes out, then projectile vomits ramen noodles everywhere—all constrained by dental dam, causing noodles to shoot out the sides, into hair, ears, and on staff (34:44).
• Open concept dentist office means everyone hears, smells, and is affected; vacuums across the entire office shut down from noodle clog (39:19).
• Must finish her appointment drenched, sans gas, AirPods lost—eventually retrieved from her own vomit (41:24).
• Cautionary moral: Never eat before laughing gas.

Notable Quotes

• "I am projectile vomiting everywhere. …It's in my ears. It's in my hair. It's down my back." — Amy [34:44]
• “They are actually not made for noodles… so I clogged it… for the whole office.” — Amy [35:17]
• “It’s like getting dental surgery in the middle of the mall.” — Dax [39:49]
• “The theme of this story should have been: suck it up.” — Dax [41:43]
• “I have been back to the dentist. …But you know, the second I left, they’re like ‘what the fuck?’” — Amy [43:22]

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4. Elizabeth’s Pool Ball Trauma

[44:38 – 53:53]

Story Highlights:

• Elizabeth recalls a childhood slumber party in California where she awoke to blood on her face; four front teeth shattered by a mysteriously airborne pool ball (47:55).
• Never discovers who/what caused it—suspects range from pets and mean girls to sleepwalking and even ghosts.
• Undergoes years of bonding as repair, learns to live with fear of dental adhesives failing during meals.
• Earlier, had a dentist with boundary issues ("pressed his dick against my arm every visit", but confessed: “He did great work and it was just the price of entry.”) [45:14]
• Remarks on trauma, dental phobias, and the way dental experiences haunt adulthood.

Notable Quotes

• “A pool ball… landed on my nose and mouth. …I realized I had bit a pool ball, but it was actually my four front teeth were shattered.” — Elizabeth [48:47]
• “No one knows what happened. ...Now, it could be a ghost.” — Elizabeth [49:33]
• “I continued to go to him for years because he did great work and it was just the price of entry.” — Elizabeth [45:38]
• “You have beautiful teeth. You’d have no idea that you were assaulted with a [pool ball] at a sleepover.” — Dax [52:55]

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Tone and Memorable Moments

• Lighthearted Squeamishness: Dax often recoils and shudders at the graphic details, admitting this is his limit (“This is 50% of the nightmares I've had in my life…” [07:45]).
• Empathy and Camaraderie: Monica and Dax extend sincere support, especially regarding dental fear and embarrassment.
• Comic Relief: Banter about the absurdity of dentistry (“Suck it up… also the sucking of the sucking up.” [41:47]); Elizabeth’s candor about tradeoffs in dental care; Dax comparing open-concept dental work to “dental surgery in the mall.”
• Supportive Community: Listeners share how Armchair Expert became a comfort during recovery, or in healing old traumas.
• Practical Lessons: The segment often ends with takeaways—don’t eat before nitrous, check furniture placements for VR, and beware ziplines (or rocks nearby).

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Highlight | |--------------|--------------------------------------------| | 00:21 | Dax confesses his squeamishness | | 02:36–14:29 | Christy's VR dental disaster | | 15:14–26:38 | Amanda’s zipline faceplant | | 29:02–44:33 | Amy’s laughing gas/ramen mishap | | 44:38–53:53 | Elizabeth’s pool ball slumber party trauma |

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Final Reflections & Quotes

• “Be true to your teeth and they won’t be false to you.” — Dax, quoting his father [54:52]
• Multiple stories highlight resilience, humor, and the enduring power of a good dentist—and just how terrifying mouth injuries can be.
• Listeners express a mix of embarrassment, horror, and gratitude: for supportive friends, skilled (if sometimes eccentric) dentists, and for being able to laugh about it... eventually.

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Useful Takeaways

• Always clear physical space before using VR—especially around furniture.
• Don’t eat before nitrous oxide at the dentist—ramen will cause more than emotional damage.
• Dental emergencies can flummox ERs—having a dentist already picked can be life-changing.
• Bonding is not as permanent as you hope; annual maintenance may be required.
• Sometimes you put up with a lot for good dental work—boundaries permitting!

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This episode might not be for the faint of heart, but if you’ve survived—or are still haunted by—a dental disaster, know you’re in good company, and perhaps even ready to call in for the next Armchair Anonymous prompt!

Transcript

[A]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan shepherd and I'm joined by Monica Rogers.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

This is the worst episode that we've ever recorded.

[C]

For me, in your opinion.

[A]

For me, we finally found the thing that I was very squeamish about.

[C]

Yeah, shockingly so.

[A]

My knees were quaking.

[C]

A lot of people, I think, have mouth fear.

[A]

Yes, this is dental disasters. In most of my nightmares I've had, I got to hear people have lived.

[C]

Yeah, this is rough, but they're great.

[A]

Don't listen.

[C]

No, listen.

[A]

Do not listen to this.

[C]

If you're a tough guy like Monica, then you can listen.

[A]

You were warned. Please enjoy. Dental disasters. We are supported by msNow. Whether it's breaking news, exclusive reporting, or in depth analysis, Ms. now keeps people at the heart of everything they do, empowering Americans with the information and insights that can bring us together. Home to the Rachel Maddow Show, Morning Joe, the Briefing with Jen Psaki and more. Voices you know and trust. Ms. Now is your source for news, opinion and the world. Their name is new, but you'll find the same commitment to truth and community that you've relied on for years. They'll continue to cover the day's most important stories, ask the tough questions, and explain how it all impacts you. Same mission, new name, Ms. now. Learn more at Ms. Now. We are supported by Allstate. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking your phone's volume before blasting your morning pump up playlist in the office break room. Or not checking that your laptop camera's off before joining the meeting in your robe or something. I'm a little too familiar with not checking your grocery list before heading to the store and realizing you bought everything except what you needed. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, condition and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Oh, times come and go Good times take em slow my life I had.

[C]

Em both.

[A]

One thing you gotta know I'm gonna keep on shining. Hi, is this Christy?

[B]

Yes, it is.

[A]

Where are you?

[B]

I know I didn't give you much.

[A]

To go off of you do have a beautiful baby picture behind you.

[B]

It's actually a blanket, but it is my daughter's. But I'm in Reading, California.

[A]

And how's the dental work up there in Reading? A lot of good options for dental work.

[B]

What's funny is I worked in dentistry for eight years, so I do keep a good eye out for good dentists. I did find one.

[A]

Okay, so walk us through your disaster now. I'm wondering if you witnessed one. I didn't even consider that same.

[C]

This is one of those, like police ones where we don't know what angle.

[A]

We'Re going to get, what side of the equation.

[B]

Sadly, it's me. So it was February of 2022. We actually had just moved to Reading about six months prior to that. My brother lives here, my mom ended up moving out here and so did my in laws. But at the time it was just my brother's family and we were new to Reading. My dad was in town visiting because February is a very big month in our family for birthdays. So this one happened to be my niece, which is about the third one down the line in February. And my daughter's birthday, who's now 9 but was turning 6, is two days after my niece on Sunday, which is important to the story we are going over. We're all doing a big old family birthday party at my brother's house. We walk in and My brother has three older kids. He's got three boys who at the time were 17, 15 and 13.

[A]

Dangerous.

[D]

Yes, yes.

[C]

That's a lot of boys.

[A]

There's fire, there's blood.

[B]

Today was virtual reality goggles that they had just bought. And so they're all trying it out. They had a few friends over as well and they're having a ball. When we arrive, they're showing my dad, he's got the goggles on and they're showing him how to do all the things. And they're doing something where he's like flying like Superman over New York City.

[A]

Can I interrupt you for one second? Because our friend Eric just introduced us to this. He had read recently that one of the parts of your brain that atrophies the most as you get older is your ability to maintain your balance while your eyes are closed. So he's been making all of us. And if you're older, try this. You stand on one leg with your eyes closed and if you get to 30 seconds, that's a huge win. If you're older, does that play a role in the story?

[B]

Not for my dad, no.

[A]

Oh, okay, sorry. What a waste of time. Detour. Sorry.

[C]

It's a good teaching moment.

[B]

It's a good tip though. Yeah. So my dad's had enough because they had him try something. He's deathly afraid of heights and it was way too real for him. And so he's like, I can't do this anymore, guys. Hands the goggles over to my husband, who is back at being like a 12 or 13 year old with these goggles on. My nephews are like, you need to try this plank game. You go up 40 stories in this building and then you gotta walk out on a plank and then just jump up.

[C]

Oh, no, that sounds horrible.

[B]

So he tries it and he was like, oh, my God, that feels so real. He's like, babe, you're not afraid of heights. You gotta try this. I see my three nephews looking at me and smirking. And I was like, well, I'm not gonna be outdone by the boys. I did go skydiving for my 25th birthday. So I was like, I'm not gonna be played up here. I was like, yes, let's do it. So put on the goggles. My 15 year old nephew sets me up. He's like, stand right here, which is literally right in front of the couch. The TV at the entertainment center is about maybe 6ft in front of me. Put on the goggles and immediately you're in this elevator. It shoots you up 40 stories, and then the elevator opens and there's no more building. It's just like this plank. It's 40 stories up in New York City. Skyscraper. So you can hear like all the cabs honking and city noise and all this stuff. It's really strange. You almost feel like you can even feel like wind blowing.

[A]

Yeah, your brain's filling in everything.

[B]

I immediately start to feel anxious, and then I start talking myself down where I'm like, I'm in my brother's living room. You're standing on a rug. Just. Of course I hear family in the background going, come on, walk. And at this point, it's my entire family that's there. There's a good 10 people watching me do this. I start walking down to the plank. I get to the end of the plank and I asked my nephew, I was like, so now what? He's like, jump. And there's buildings like in front of you. So I said, jump to the next building. He's like, no, just jump. I'm like, I'm not jumping to anything.

[C]

Yeah, like, what's the point?

[B]

I'm such an adult about this. Instead of just hopping off the end of the plank, I decide I'm all in. I'm going to do a big old leap off this plank. I jump as, as I think I can to jump off this plank, not realizing that instead of jumping up, I've jumped out.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, I can.

[C]

I see that being tricky.

[B]

So I jump forward and all goes dark for 30 seconds. The next thing I know is that my mouth is open. It's like on the edge of the entertainment table thing.

[A]

Oh, you landed mouth first on the entertainment center.

[B]

I feel a tooth on my tongue.

[A]

This is a rough prompt. I don't know why we did this.

[B]

There's pictures that you can see.

[A]

Oh, can't wait. And I'm terrified.

[B]

My brain takes a second. I just stand. It is dead silent. I can feel blood in my mouth. I cover my mouth and I walk straight to the bathroom. I close the door to assess the situation. I open my mouth and one of my teeth is basically touching my tongue. It's still, all my teeth are still connected to my gum.

[D]

So.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

From what I can see, it looks like my four front teeth are like kind of just bent down.

[A]

This is 50% of the nightmares I've had in my life because I think because I had so much orthodontia, it's my teeth are fudgeing pushed back in my mouth. I'm like, oh no.

[C]

The people watching are just seeing a human stand and then jump into a.

[A]

Table first into it. Yes.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

My very first thought was, I cannot miss my 6 year old's birthday party on Sunday. I'm hosting a birthday party on Sunday two days from now. Second thought is, I guess I'm getting implants. But what does that look like this weekend? Like my mind just started going through the different steps of the dentistry. So I walk out of the bathroom still cupping my mouth so I don't freak out my daughter and my niece and probably the adults as well. And so I just sit down. Everybody's kind of circled around me. My husband comes up. My sister in law is on the phone with urgent care to see if we should go to an urgent care in er. They tell her, send her to an er. We take off. I haven't said a word. I'm not crying, I'm not in any pain, which is in my opinion, very bizarre. But it must be the shock. We get over to the er, I can't speak at all. My husband has to take the lead. I'm sitting here filling out paperwork while he's talking to like the intake nurse. She's trying to like make sense of what he's saying. She kind of wants to laugh a little bit. And they've never dealt with any of this. The story's getting around because you can see staff is like peeking out to like try to get a look at me. First thing they do is take me back for a CT scan to see if I fractured or broken any of my jaw or nose or anything of that nature. I broke and fractured nothing.

[A]

Your teeth really absorbed all the. The shock.

[B]

The other thought that I had was my brother had just bought this new table and it was like recycled mango waters. It was like super duper fancy. I even said to my brother before I left, I was like, I'm sorry I ruined your table, cuz my teeth marks are on it. Which there's a picture of that as well. Like you can see where my teeth.

[A]

I'd argue that you up the value of it. Yeah, that thing has a story now. Hey, did you check out the teeth marks in that reclaimed wood?

[B]

They finally take me back. The emergency room doctor comes and looks at me and he's having a hard time trying to keep a straight face because he's dealt with this and doesn't know what to do. He's not a dentist.

[A]

I was gonna ask you that. It never occurred to me what you do with dental emergencies. Cause it's not like there's a dental emergency room and they don't have dentists on staff.

[E]

No.

[B]

You try to save the teeth as best you can. They tell you like, if the tooth completely falls out, put it in a cup of milk immediately.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So they can try and put it back in its place. His teeth tend to come back, but in my situation, since they hadn't totally fallen out first he was like, do we have any dental cement anywhere in the er? They literally had one tube that they were able to go and took the nurse like 15 minutes to it down. He's never used dental cement in his life. He doesn't know how it works or what to do with it. So he said, I'm really sorry, but this might hurt a lot. I'm going to have to push all your teeth back into place as best as I can. And then I'm going to splint it with the dental cement. And it wasn't like he could numb me. He doesn't have like local anesthetic. They gave me some Tylenol.

[A]

Guys, we need morphine.

[B]

I'm still not feeling any pain. Like, not Even a throbbing or anything. It was really strange. So he pushes my teeth back in. It wasn't painful. It was a lot of press. He makes a mess of the dental cement. He basically coated my teeth front and back however he could to just make sure they just stayed together until I'm able to get to a dentist.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

He does the best he can, sends me on my way. There's no follow up appointment or anything. Now it's up to the dentists. Go home that night. Nothing else I could really do. My husband and I are watching a show, but he's like in complete shock and kind of going through some trauma. He goes, you just don't understand. We all watched you dive into this head first. Everybody was just like, mouth open, like in shock. My dad's still traumatized to this day.

[A]

You ruined the birthday party.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Since we were new to town, I hadn't established a dentist yet. Happened to call the dentist that I had an appointment for a few weeks later to see if she could fit me in as an emergency. Told her what was going on. Got a call back within like 10 minutes. Off to the dentist I go. She and her husband, who happens to be her dental assistant, taking my X rays. And she's like, good news. None of your teeth are fractured or cracked. I was like, I thought for sure I'm getting implants. She's like, nope, as of now, it looks like I can push them further back into place. The ER doctor did a pretty decent job. She's like, this dental cement's gonna be fun. Trying to get off of your teeth.

[C]

Scrapey.

[A]

Ugh.

[B]

She was able to push them all back in. She then splinted it behind the teeth, made it pretty. And then she's like, next step is orthodontist because you're gonna have to hold them back in place. So good news was I did get to attend my daughter's birthday party the following day. Nobody knew what had happened. My smile looked normal. Went to the orthodontist a couple days later. I then got fitted for braces, which I then had to wear for the next 10 months.

[C]

Oh, my God, this is a mess.

[A]

Sounds like a fun game. VR. I gotta get this game.

[B]

Just make sure it's a big open area.

[C]

Yes. Cautionary stuff.

[A]

A loony bin. Like the padded style, padded room, 100%.

[B]

Probably for a good four or five months. Even with the BR, I couldn't like bite into a piece of pizza. I had to like tear stuff off and chew with my back teeth because they just didn't feel firm and in place. And even now, if I forget to wear my retainer one night, I can feel my teeth shifting. And then literally that week, my nephews all sold their VR goggles because they were all so traumatized. And they're like, I will never again put these things on my head.

[A]

Oh, wow. You shut that down. Can we look at the photos now? Is it a good time?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. Okay, now brace yourself.

[C]

Brace yourself. Oh, it was a hormone.

[A]

Let's get you looking at that one. That's a big tooth hanging out, covered in blood.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Oh boy.

[A]

Okay, this is after the fact. This looks good. This looks good. I like that. That's a healthy recovery.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's the same.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, God. Okay, you kind of underplayed the teeth marks on the new entertainment center. It looks like puma.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

Tried to take a bite out of it.

[B]

The way that I fell, I must have scraped it and that's what pushed back was the best way to, I guess, have this injury if it was going to happen because I didn't break or lose anything.

[C]

Right.

[A]

I was very glad. That's a really good attitude. That's my nightmare right there.

[C]

All right, so just no VR goggles for you. No. Probably going to stay away from that.

[A]

Oh, well. Grizzy. Well, I got to say, your teeth look spectacular right now.

[C]

You do.

[A]

No idea that you teeth dove into a piece of wood.

[B]

Thankfully, here in Reading I found a great dentist and orthodontist. So we're good there.

[C]

Perfect.

[A]

That's good.

[C]

Well, thank you for sharing that story.

[A]

Thank you, Christy. That was terrible.

[B]

It was really great to meet you guys and have a great rest of your day.

[A]

All right, thanks. Take care.

[C]

I just keep looking at this table.

[A]

Uh huh. Imagining just. I keep thinking of the scene in American History X Curbs.

[C]

That is a tough scene.

[A]

Amanda, Hi. Hi. How are you?

[F]

I'm good.

[D]

How about you?

[A]

Good. Is there pressure to go by Mandy?

[F]

Not as much as you would think. I go by MK sometimes.

[A]

Oh, I love that. MK Ultra or Olsen. Take your pick.

[F]

There you go.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. Does Amanda ever go by Amy?

[A]

No.

[F]

I feel like there's a very specific Amanda. That's Amanda. And I don't think I'm that Amanda.

[A]

It's making me wonder if my cousin Mandy's real name is Amanda.

[C]

I'm sure it is.

[A]

I wonder.

[C]

You don't even know.

[A]

I don't even know because I've only ever called her man.

[C]

Well then maybe it's not Maybe that's just her name.

[A]

Mandy McGoldrick Alliteration. Oh, I love a little Eminem, But I like MK. MKs. Great. Where are you at, Amanda?

[F]

I'm in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

[A]

Great place. Wholesome place. Salt to earth place.

[F]

Been here all my life.

[C]

Oh, lovely.

[A]

Not to insult you, but that's not been terribly long.

[F]

That's fair. Well, I'm 32.

[A]

You are.

[F]

You look like a baby.

[C]

Yeah, that's a compliment.

[A]

I wish I could live long enough to have a follow up when you're 80, because I bet when you're 80, you're gonna look about 45.

[B]

Maybe you will.

[A]

But when she's 80, Monty, I would be 102.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

O.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right, we'll schedule it.

[C]

Put her on the cow.

[F]

Looking forward to it.

[A]

Okay. Amanda, you have a dental disaster story.

[F]

I do, yeah. So this story takes place in 2019. I was 25 at the time, so imagine this face, but a little younger. I was working spring weekends at a summer camp in Pennsylvania. Big lake, canoeing, archery. But one of the activities that we ran during that time was the zipline. And that's where this story takes place.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

A lot of great stories start with the zipline.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[F]

So when you run the zip line, there three jobs that staff have to do. My friend Andy's job was to belay the kids up a tree so that they could go down the zip line. My friend Carla's job was to be at the top of the tree and send the kids down the zip line. And then my job was to catch the kids after they fly on the zip line and get them back on the ground. So I was on the ground. I also was responsible for running the pulley and rope that took the kid down the zip line back to the beginning of the zipline. So that particular day, zipline was running business as usual for a while. But then Carla, who again was at the top of the tree, she lost her grip on. On the pulley in between kids, and she sent the equipment down with nobody attached. So this happens sometimes, and it's not really a big deal when it does, but it is a pain in the butt for staff because when a kid goes down the zip line, kind of like you were talking about physics, and their weight will take them back to a point in the zip line where I can reach them from the ground and unclip them with no kit attached. The pulley and rope would get stuck at a point in the zip line that's just too high to reach. From the ground.

[A]

Right, right.

[F]

So usually when that happens, you would have to get a big stick to get the pulley back to where you could reach. And ultimately, some kids would miss out on zip lining because of the time that it would take to get that equipment back to the beginning of the line. So there is a workaround to that issue, and it's to jump and catch the pulley at the sweet spot where you can reach it from the ground. So the pulley zooming down the zip line. My friend Carly yells at me, hey, grab it. So without thinking, I ran and I jumped. And when I did, I tripped in my boots and I fell forward. It happened so fast that I wasn't able to catch myself properly, and I landed face first, and my upper lip took the brunt of the fall. And I remember hearing a crunching noise.

[A]

Oh, can you tell me what the surface you were on was? Just like, kind of dirt. Earth.

[F]

It was rocks.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. We are supported by quints. So I'm standing in my closet the other day, and I realize I'm reaching for the same three things over and over again. And they're all coming. Which got me thinking, when did I become that guy who actually cares about where his clothes come from? I'll tell you when. When I discovered Quince.

[C]

Exactly. I was at a happy hour a couple days ago with a very cool woman named Margo. Very chic. And I was like, ooh, I love your pants. I love your sweater. And she said, quints.

[A]

Boom.

[C]

And I was like, I should have known.

[A]

Should have known. Turns out Quince cracked the code on something I didn't even know was broken. They partnered directly with these ethical factories. Cut out the middlemen. So you get the same Mongolian cashmere that cost 200 bucks. Elsewhere were 450, same quality, none of the markup. Perfect timing, too, because holiday shopping is coming. And I actually have good answers for once. Not just clothes either. They've got home stuff, travel gear, all of it. Give and get. Timeless holiday staples that last this season with quince. Go to quince.comdax for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.comdax free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comdax this show is sponsored by Better Help. So many of us are really impacted by the colder seasons, when it gets dark so much earlier and the days feel shorter than ever.

[C]

Yeah, me. Me. I'm the one I feel horrible when it Seasonal Affective Disorder.

[A]

Yes, you do. Take a I take a hit.

[B]

I do.

[A]

When it gets dark, you know how it goes. Life gets busy. But that's exactly why shorter days don't have to be so dismal. It's time to reach out and check in with those you care about and to remind ourselves that we're not alone. And you know what? Every time I finally do, I think, why didn't I do this sooner? Which is exactly what people say about starting therapy. Better Help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US Just fill out a short questionnaire that'll help identify your needs and preferences, and they'll match you with a therapist. Don't worry, though. If you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs this month, don't wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Armchairies get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com Dax that's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com Dax A diamond is Forever Here on the show, we talk to guests about their past, where they are today, and what they want for the future. And it kind of makes you realize you're never really done, are you? You're constantly changing, shedding old versions of yourself to reveal someone stronger, smarter, funnier even. Although my kids might argue that the point is you're evolving, becoming better every day. That's why tone diamonds are the perfect way of celebrating all that you are and all that you're still becoming. They come in a range of unique, unexpected colors. Colors that reflect your unique, unexpected journey. Like warm whites, pale champagnes, deep ambers, smoky whiskeys. Natural colors that are truly unlike anything else. Just like you. So this holiday season, gift yourself a desert diamond to reflect all the shades of you. That's why A Diamond is forever. Visit a diamondisforever.com to learn more. We are supported by Hill's Pet Nutrition. Something we celebrate here on Armchair Expert is that we all have juggles, struggles, faults and flaws because we're human. Those of us with pets know this all too well. We are their whole world. And that can be a lot of pressure. Things are just going to go wrong sometimes, and we can only plan for so much pet. Parent guilt is unavoidable.

[C]

Yeah, like when you left one of your dogs when you went traveling. You probably had guilt.

[A]

I did. Whiskey wasn't fit to make the trip, but I was relieved that he's having such a great time with Peggy at home. But, yeah, because you're only human. There's hills. Science does more Find the right [e-mail] Dax.

[C]

But you didn't fall into the allergies contraption into the ground.

[F]

Just straight to the ground. Yeah. An injury that happened near a zip line, but not a zipline.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

This is sometimes how zip lines get a bad name. It's like other injuries are happening nearby.

[C]

The body will really betray us.

[A]

It will.

[C]

You just trip and fall on your face like. It's so embarrassing.

[F]

My upper lip took the brunt of this fall that I went through.

[A]

I'm seeing that you've sent a picture which scares me. I see it sitting. I'm not looking at it. It's turned over.

[C]

I'm gonna look at it. Oh, I shouldn't have looked yet.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

So getting up, I was convinced that I had knocked all of my teeth out. I held my hand in front of my mouth just in case I could catch some of the teeth because I had blood dripping from my mouth into my open hand. And as you might have guessed, the zipline was over for that day.

[A]

Shut it down.

[C]

You ruined it all.

[F]

My fault. Everyone very quickly realized I wasn't okay. My friend Jack was running rifles from the other side of camp, and he was called to run me over to urgent care. So we left camp, and when we got to urgent care, urgent care immediately said, just go to the hospital.

[A]

What was your reaction? Because mine would be embarrassment. And so I would be tempted to hide my crying. I probably wouldn't allow myself to cry. But what was your reaction? Were you screaming and crying or were you acting like nothing happened?

[F]

I very clearly remember being asked while I was still on the ground, are you okay? And I had to think about it for a second and ultimately went, no.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, good.

[C]

I'm glad you said no.

[A]

You weren't.

[F]

So the camp is in a pretty rural area. The closest hospital was able to give me some pain meds and a tetanus, which I remember being very impressed by the fact that I did not feel the tetanus shot at all because of the pain meds. And then they decided to send me in an ambulance to a more well equipped hospital in Pittsburgh. Wasn't enough of an emergency to have the lights on, but I do now get to say that I've ridden in an ambulance. So that's kind of cool. At the new hospital, they told me that I had managed to break the bone above my top front teeth, so somehow I didn't break my nose.

[A]

Your maxilla?

[F]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

Oh, it's this here.

[A]

Yeah, right here.

[B]

Here.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Ow.

[A]

Oof.

[F]

Yeah. So somehow didn't lose any teeth when I fell. The picture that I sent you guys is a picture of the X ray that they test.

[C]

X ray.

[A]

Let me see. Okay, let me check this out.

[F]

So they fixed me up with some ugly yellow temporary braces that I had to wear for the whole summer to fix the broken bone. The original intention was that I was going to work that summer at that camp, but I ended up not being able to because it was just a little too broken. I eventually had to get root canals on my two front teeth.

[A]

Oh, no.

[F]

I couldn't eat anything with the front of my mouth. So things like mozzarella sticks and sandwiches, I ate with a fork the whole summer.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Cut them up real tiny.

[F]

All I wanted was a taco the whole summer.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. As soon as you can have something, you really want it.

[C]

Are you still afraid to eat corn on the cob?

[F]

Actually, no. I have told dentists, after the accident, I said, hey, little sensitive in the front. And they were like, but you got root canals. It shouldn't be sensitive in the front. I was like, emotionally?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Spiritually and emotionally. What could they do for that broken bone you can't cast on your maxilla? What are you gonna. You just gotta kind of strap those teeth together and make them do the work.

[D]

Right.

[F]

I was a first year teacher at the time, so I had to take a whole week off of work. Super embarrassing coming back with those big ugly bracelets. But I did and went through the rest of May and June.

[A]

Amanda, you would get a good boy award if you were around more because you're a teacher and a camp counselor and you had yellow braces. There's a lot of good boy stuff.

[C]

You'll get the Jimmy Kimmel Best boy.

[A]

Yeah, Best boy. That's what I mean to say.

[F]

Thank you. Also, since I was working when I got hurt, I didn't have to pay a penny for any of my medical costs.

[C]

Oh, that's great.

[A]

Yeah. That was probably a pricey ambulance ride.

[C]

And all these root canals.

[F]

The one last thing that I wanted to mention specifically to you, Monica, is the hospital that I went to is actually the hospital that the show the Pit is based off of.

[A]

Oh, my God. Really?

[F]

Yeah. So every time I watch the show, I think about the Time that I broke my face and how I could totally be on the show.

[C]

Oh, they should write you.

[A]

In season four, was your doctor a stone cold fox?

[F]

I wish.

[A]

No. Noah Wylie.

[C]

Oh, my God. That's so exciting. That's worth it.

[A]

Was it as chaotic in there as the show depicts?

[F]

Yeah, actually, yes. They had me on a bed in a hallway for a period of time. I was like, this is just like the show.

[C]

They said it's extremely realistic watching the show.

[A]

I'm like, if I showed up to that emergency room, I think I might go. I'd rather die.

[C]

No.

[A]

Yeah, just take me outside. I think I'd rather die than be in here.

[C]

No, not if Noah Wylie there.

[A]

You gotta wait hours before you see.

[C]

And he's in his hoodie.

[A]

Yeah, he loves his hoodies. Dirty, filthy hoodie.

[C]

That's cool. I love that tidbit.

[A]

She was right. All that talk about the Pit. I finally watched it. She's right. Yay.

[C]

I'm so happy to hear this is the first.

[A]

I wish you would have told me the entire series is just real time. That's such a cool part of it.

[C]

Yeah, it's a huge part of it. It's the whole part, really.

[A]

It is the whole part because you go like, oh, my God. Yeah. They deal with so much in one hour.

[C]

I know.

[A]

Well, Amanda, I feel very lucky. I got to meet very, very sweet, and I'm happy you're in the audience.

[C]

Me too.

[F]

This was very cool. I listen to Armchair Anonymous when I clean, so hello to future me mopping her floor. Oh, yay.

[A]

Love it.

[C]

Shout out to yourself.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

I am still friends with everyone who was working the zipline that day, including my friend Carla, who dropped the rope. But she introduced me to your podcast. Is it okay if she stops in to say hi?

[C]

Of course.

[A]

Let's get her in.

[F]

I'm gonna give her my headphones.

[A]

Yeah. She really up. Hi. Nice to meet you. You really up.

[B]

Oh, I really did. I dropped the rope.

[F]

It was big time. It was all my fault. I still have a lot of guilt about it. My only saving grace is that I blame the rocks.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And can I ask you a question, Carla? Why aren't you on a sitcom? That's a great question.

[F]

I've been wondering that my entire life. I was truly destined to be on a sitcom.

[C]

I mean, time's not up. No, you could still do it.

[F]

I'm available if anybody wants to put me on a sitcom. She didn't mention that I was also her boss and had been for years.

[A]

She might have a lawsuit there.

[C]

She's a Best Boy, so she's not gonna say she's.

[A]

She won a Best Boy award today.

[F]

She won lots of awards.

[A]

Well, nice meeting both of you.

[F]

Thank you so much. We love the show so much.

[A]

Thank you. All right, take care.

[C]

Bye.

[F]

Bye.

[B]

Fun.

[A]

She really is immediately funny.

[C]

I guess. Email us, Warner Brothers.

[A]

Yeah, we'll connect you. You all right, Amy? Let's ask her if it's short for Amanda.

[C]

You never know. That's weird that there's an Amy right now. That's Sim.

[A]

Simmy.

[D]

Hello. I'm dying to know why it's weird that there's another Amy.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, good. We were going to tell you anyways because we interviewed an Amanda, and Monica thought that perhaps Amy was a shortened version of Amanda. I didn't think so, but you're Amy, so this is wonderful. You can clear this up.

[F]

Up.

[D]

I don't think so. Maybe there's one, though, so I shouldn't say that.

[C]

There's got to be one.

[A]

I think a better question is, like, is there even a long form of Amy? I don't think so. Is there?

[F]

No.

[D]

And I used to feel very ripped off that I only got three letters. I just felt like that was not enough, I guess. Dax, you can relate.

[A]

I'm opposite of you because I couldn't spell shit. I'm lazy. I don't want to write for a long time. So I was like, God bless. If I could get it down to two letters, that would be ideal.

[C]

What's cool about Amy is it's three letters but two syllables.

[D]

You do get that little bonus. It's true. And top of the Alphabet.

[A]

Amy, where are you?

[D]

I'm in Ontario. In Canada.

[A]

In London.

[D]

I am in London.

[A]

Yeah. Where we would throw our McDonald's bag out the window. You've probably heard me say that before.

[D]

Yes, I have.

[A]

Home of Rachel McAdams. Any other famous alumni?

[D]

We have some Olympians. I guess I would consider them famous, but Maggie McNeil's from London. Maybe hockey players. Clearly, I'm not up on the sports. I was gonna reference that my husband is from Windsor. So big. Like Detroit sports fans. But then I was scared that you'd ask me to talk about Detroit sports.

[A]

I would never. But we had a great armchair Anonymous story from London about the guy on the skateboard beating up the person and she had to go testify. And then it was a Meet cute.

[D]

As we're listening to that episode, I was texting my friend Lauren, who got me into armchair, and we Were like, we know exactly what bar that happened at. We've all done that walk home. And I'm like, yeah, it is the most believable story I've ever heard.

[A]

Right. Least shocking story you could hear to come out of the London. Okay, so you have a dental disaster story.

[D]

This happened last year. So actually I just recently had the memories of some pictures that I'd sent and some texts that had popped up a year ago. But I think I'm very confident saying this, but I have a big fear of the dentist. Severe dental anxiety. My hands are like a bit sweaty right now. Thinking about, oh my God. I have to think about being at the dentist from when I was a kid. I feel like I was kind of gaslit into thinking that my mouth was frozen. It was not during a tooth extraction. So since then I'm like, I don't trust you. I'm going to go for cleaning. And that is it. Fortunately, I do have a new dentist. Dentist in London. So things have been going pretty good with them. I go to the Office, they have TVs on the ceiling so I can watch like a nature documentary. I've watched a Taylor Swift documentary.

[A]

And what about getting the gas? A lot of places will give you the gas just for a cleaning.

[D]

Oh yeah, we get the gas.

[A]

Okay, great. Yeah. If you have a lot of anxiety.

[D]

About the dentist, that is definitely part of the story is the gas for an appointment. So I put my AirPods in. I have noise canceling on. I'm basically like, I'm gonna lay here, wish for this to be over and you just push me a little bit.

[A]

When I'm done, you're gonna disassociate. You're like, I'm gonna go to another place.

[D]

I'm not here. So my dentist does offer laughing gas. So if anyone has not had laughing gas, it basically is like a mask thing that goes over your nose, kind of is uncomfortable. You're breathing in a continuous mix of laughing gas and oxygen for most of your appointment. And I get it for a cleaning because I also hate cleanings. I want to feel like I just drank a bottle of wine or I smoked a joint. You kind of like melt, melt into the chair. It's lovely.

[C]

Why aren't we allowed to just like have that?

[A]

Oh, I used to do it recreationally.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. You could go to this after hours bar in Detroit and they had laughing gas balloons.

[D]

This appointment that I was talking about last year was not a cleaning though. It was actually an appointment to get a crown. So I was Eating one of those hard suckers that have the gum in the middle. And I cracked my tooth right when it happened. I was like, I don't actually care about the tooth. I care about the dentist visits that are going to happen because of this stupid sucker. The appointment for the crown is a three hour appointment. So a lot of dentists office will have two appointments. The first appointment, they kind of like shave your tooth down, they measure the crown, then you go on your way and then you come back and get the crown fitted. My dentist, we're doing it all at once. We're going to shave your tooth down, measure it, basically 3D print it while you're in the office. That's probably not the technical term, but that is how it was kind of described to me. So I knew that I was going into three hour appointments. I'm like, okay, AirPods charged. Wake up. I have my kind of work from home. Breakfast, which is ramen noodles. Like three cups of coffee. Very healthy. Breakfast, breakfast. Start my day.

[A]

Empty carbs and three cups of coffee.

[D]

Yes, perfect. And like 2,000 milligrams sodium. It is important to note that my hair is naturally very curly, like ringlet tight curls. I have it down that day because, you know, laying down ponytail, super annoying. I get dropped off because I knew I might not be feeling great after so I'd want to get a ride after. So I get to my dentist appointment and I feel like it's starting off pretty normal. What was a little weird is I had to remind them that I wanted laughing gas. They can accommodate me, so that's all good. So I get down and I'm laying on the chair. They kind of fit that nose thing over. I'm immediately inhaling it as if I'm like oxygen because I'm like, how quick can it relax? Then they fit me for a dental dam, which I need to immediately pause about how unfortunate the name dental dam is because it also just shares the name with an STI prevention for oral sex. It was not that.

[C]

And why are they calling it that?

[D]

I don't know why they also have the same name. Because when I tell that story, they're like, why is your dentist fitting you for oral sex prevention?

[A]

It's not comforting.

[D]

This is like a blue sheet goes over your face. Your tooth is isolated. So imagine I'm laying down, My nose is covered from the laughing gas. My face is fully covered from the dental dam. Close my eyes, headphones on, getting through it, still trying to take as deep a breath as possible. And then the next Thing I know, I pass out just in the chair. No notice. I've never fainted in my life. I didn't know what that feeling was. And I wake up and I am projectile vomiting everywhere, all over. And if you can imagine, I have a dental dam on. No puke cannot come forward. It is flying out of the sides of my mouth. I'm laying down. It's in my ears. It's in my hair. It's down my back.

[A]

Noodles and coffee.

[C]

Oh, no.

[D]

Yes, visible noodles and coffee.

[C]

Why aren't they getting you up?

[D]

So they're trying to tilt me up and it's one of those chairs that they're like, it's never as fast as you want it to be. They're taking things out of my mouth and they're like, did you know you were going to pass out? Did you eat today? And I'm like, I clearly ate today. It is all over you. I can see a noodle on your shoulder. I can see a noodle over there. You know those suction tools at the dentist that suck up, like, blood and spit? They are actually not made for noodles.

[A]

No, it's not going to work. You're going to clog that in a second.

[D]

So I clogged it in a second, exactly as predicted. And I didn't just clog it for my treatment room, but the machine clogged for the whole office.

[A]

Yeah, it's got a central vacuum attached to it.

[F]

Foreign.

[A]

We are supported by Audible. You know, I spend a lot of time listening. It's literally my job. But when I'm not recording the show, I'm constantly consuming audio content. And honestly, I can get pretty overwhelmed by all the choices out there. That's why I love when Audible drops their Best of the Year collection. Audible's most anticipated collection, the best of 2025, is here. And let me tell you, these editors know what they're doing. They've spent count hours listening, having heated debates. Probably way more heated than Monica and I get, although that's hard to imagine. And they have handpicked this year's must listens. What I really appreciate is that they don't just go for the obvious picks. They found hidden gems alongside the buzziest new releases. Whether you're into true crime like Monica, historical biographies like me, or something completely different, this collection has your back. I've already started diving into their selection, and honestly, it's like having a really small, smart friend curate your entire listening experience. Want to finish the year with a sure thing? Check out audible's best of 2025 and discover why there's more to imagine when you listen. Listen now go to audible.com best of the year. We are supported by Skims. You know what, Monica, I have to talk to you about these skims pajamas they sent us.

[C]

Yes. I was literally just thinking about how much I love mine. I think I've worn them every night since we got them.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I barely was able to get out of mine to come in. So I've always been that guy who just sleeps in whatever random T shirt, you know, old shorts. These skims jammies, first of all, they're in the pattern I love. They're in the checkered red and black.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And then the fabric is just snuggling me all night long.

[C]

It's such a good product. And also for the women's ones, the one I have is so cute. I like, after my shower, my routine to get into a cute pair of pajamas. And I feel like my. My sleep is improved when I'm wearing cute, cute pajamas. You eventize it.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And honestly, I feel more put together wearing matching pajamas instead of my usual mismatched situation.

[C]

The timing couldn't be better either because it's holiday season, and honestly, these would make incredible gifts. They have options for women, men, kids, and even pets. That's so cute. Who doesn't want to feel this comfortable?

[A]

Sleeping shop the best [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. And if you're looking looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now [e-mail] this podcast is brought to you by Squarespace, the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. The website for Armchair Expert. I was too afraid to try. I didn't want to build it. I didn't think I had the skillset. But Rob got on there. He made the most beautiful website for us, and he said it was incredibly easy. You do not have to be tech savvy.

[C]

They have a really cool feature. It's called the blueprint AI feature. And you basically tell it what you're trying to do. Like in our case, showcase the podcast, obviously host our archive, that kind of thing, and it builds you a custom website that actually looks really legit.

[A]

Well, the other thing that's been crucial for us is their SEO tools. Look, I don't even know what SEO Meant when we started, but it's basically what helps people find you online. Squarespace handles all that technical stuff automatically so you don't have to think about it. It's all pretty straightforward and it actually works, which is really all I care about at the end of the day.

[B]

Day.

[A]

So head to squarespace.comdax for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, use code DAX to save 10% on your first purchase of a website or domain.

[D]

So the reason I know it clogged for the whole office is because what I did not mention is my dentist office is open concept.

[A]

Oh, no way. First of all, no.

[D]

You walk in, there's a reception desk, and then imagine like a central island, almost like a broom divider, but with separate alcoves coming off of that divider, no doors, it's fully open.

[C]

Why, that's a bad idea.

[D]

So if, like, a kid is crying, someone's screaming, you hear it. If someone is throwing up, no wonder.

[C]

You have anxiety there.

[A]

It's like getting dental surgery in the middle of the mall.

[D]

Yes. Everyone is immediately like, their suction has stopped.

[A]

No.

[D]

What is going on? They're smelling puke. I'm still covered in the puke. So. So that machine is, like, getting dealt with while my dentist is talking to me about, you know, you're not supposed to eat before laughing gas. But because I had forgot to mention that I wanted it, they did not call me the day before to say, don't eat.

[A]

Comedy of errors.

[D]

I get up like, you're kind of stumbly after laughing gas. I have to do a mini walk of shame to the bathroom past all these open rooms. Go in the bathroom. I have my shirt off. I wore a white T shirt that day, which is so lovely. Washing it in the sink. I'm like, washing my noodle hair in the sink, which is literally the same texture as the ramen noodles that I'm.

[A]

Trying to wash out ringlets and ringlets.

[D]

I am furiously texting my fiance, being like, you need to bring me a T shirt. I cannot sit in this. But I'm just being like, I just have to rinse off, go out there, get my shit and go home. So I go out there and my dentist reminds me that you can't leave because we have to finish your crown appointment. The crown has started curing. It's not like a go home and come back later. It's sit for an hour and a half, rest of your appointment.

[F]

No.

[A]

Well, he had a lot of stick to itness.

[D]

Send me home with the crown and I'll figure out how to do it myself. Please, I'm begging you to get out of here.

[A]

And they're probably now nervous to give you the gas again.

[D]

I rejected the gas. I'm kind of like looking around for my AirPods being like, oh, my God, I just have to white knuckle get through this. Can't find them. Of course, while laying back, the AirPods covered in puke, fell out onto the ground in the puke. They got scooped in the garbage. So now I'm digging through my own puke.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[D]

Fishing out my AirPods. So I listen to my emo playlist.

[A]

This is the grossest trip to the dentist ever.

[D]

It is horrible. AirPods are wiped off. I'm like, I don't care about my clothes today. They're getting wiped off. My fiance has texted me saying, I can't leave work until I'm ready to pick you up. So, so sorry. See you when I see you. I'll bring a towel.

[A]

The theme of this story should have been suck it up. Like, the dentist is like, suck it up.

[C]

Also the sucking of the sucking up.

[A]

Yeah. The fiance's like, suck it up. So it's. I can't get off work.

[B]

So, yes.

[D]

I basically just sat through the rest of my appointment, paid and got in the car and then. Yeah, had to drive with the window the whole time for the rest of the drive. And then I have not had laughing gas since.

[F]

Wow.

[C]

This is also a good cautionary tale, though. Do not eat before laughing gas. I didn't know that.

[A]

Have you never had it, Monica?

[C]

So at my Botox person, it's called something, but what an esthetician, they have it pronounced you, like, suck on it with your mouth. And I'm not good at it. I keep trying to do it, and I'm not really inhaling it.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Or doing.

[A]

You got to really suck on it.

[C]

Like, you're, like, doing a good job. So. No, I've never had it.

[A]

And then when you're super high and they ask if you can feel it, you say it.

[C]

No, I'm good.

[D]

No, I didn't even know you turned it on yet, to be honest. Oh, my God.

[A]

Okay, that's not good advice. I don't want anyone to assume you don't ever.

[C]

Yeah, don't do that.

[A]

Always be honest. If they see, do you feel it? You say, yes.

[C]

I did not feel it. So I guess it would have been fine.

[A]

We're so opposite. I mean, isn't that the most quintessential Example of how different we are. Like, you're not even feeling it, but you're not asking for more. I'm feeling it. I'm like, guys, where is it?

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[D]

I think it's also, like, maybe someone doesn't need three hours of laughing gas. Like, my previous appointments were, like, 30 minutes. This was an hour and a half of, like, nitrous.

[C]

I kind of feel like they fucked up a little bit. They should have been monitoring a little bit, like, how much laughing gas is being consumed.

[A]

I don't want to blame them because I want people to have easy access.

[D]

I blame myself.

[A]

I probably could have had a better breakfast.

[D]

Could have gone somewhere that had doors also.

[A]

I mean, you might as well just eat, like, a notebook of paper.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I have been back to the dentist. They obviously very respectful, did not say anything. But, you know, the second I left, they're like, what the fuck?

[A]

To deal with that suction device? Can they reverse the direction of the air and, like, blow out all this shit that got sucked in? I don't know. And then just shooting noodles everywhere.

[B]

Ew.

[D]

Cautionary tale, near death experience, all of it.

[A]

That was delightful, Amy. I really like that because most people we talk to and getting their teeth knocked out, and I hate that.

[D]

That's what I thought. And I did truthfully read the prompt as death, dentist disasters. So a friend was like, I don't know if dentist is the same as dental. And then I was like, I read this wrong.

[A]

No, listen, everyone needs to play it fast and loose. If you've got a good story that's even adjacent to the prompt, fucking submit it.

[C]

Also, you wouldn't have been picked if it wasn't good.

[D]

That's a great way to look at it.

[A]

We are two for. Two for Londonites telling us great stories.

[C]

Yeah, keep them coming, Londoners.

[A]

It's been a while since I've thrown the trash out the window there. I gotta make a mental note to. Yes, it's been too long. Perfect.

[D]

I can't wait. I'll keep an eye out for it.

[C]

Thanks for chatting with us.

[A]

Yeah, lovely meeting you.

[D]

Thanks so much. Lovely meeting you both.

[A]

All right, take care. Bye. Bye. Let's talk to your friend.

[C]

Yeah, Elizabeth is joining us.

[A]

Elizabeth.

[C]

Elizabeth. Lame Elizabeth. Hi, guys. I forgot that this was happening until I saw your name on the sheet today.

[E]

I was gonna text you. I'll see you, but I don't know if was going through back channels that weren't allowed.

[C]

You're a good rule follower.

[A]

I would have been like, well, that violated how this works, Monica, we can no longer do it ethically. The only thing that sucks about this, Elizabeth, is normally I'd ask where you're at. I know where you're at. You're like three miles down the road.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

I would go, oh, Elizabeth, you go by Betsy. I know you don't go by Betsy.

[C]

No.

[E]

I was thinking, because Monica's obviously listened to the podcast, she might have heard some dental stuff. I've shared a story. I had this dentist who pressed his dick against my arm every time I went in.

[C]

Oh, my.

[A]

Was he wearing scrubs?

[E]

No, he was wearing slacks, trousers. And I continued to go to him for years because he did great work and it was just the price of entry.

[C]

Sometimes you have to make hard choices.

[A]

Did you determine it was accidental or intentional? Because my hunch is if it was intentional, it would get hard.

[E]

Well, that's interesting. And now I'm feeling a little self conscious.

[C]

Don't do that to Elizabeth. She's going to feel not cute.

[A]

No, no, no. But if your kink is like, oh, I love rubbing my dick on people's arms, clearly he would become ar. Now I'm acting as his lawyer in the defense case. I'm like, well, my client's penis never became a wreck, so how could you claim this?

[C]

How do we know it didn't? Though it might have.

[E]

I'd like to think it did. And he just was dealing with some blood pressure issues.

[C]

Of course.

[E]

Wait, you guys, I'm so sorry, but my audio recording for QuickTime.

[A]

You're supposed to be a professional.

[C]

I know. You are professional.

[A]

But luckily it's sounding so good on our end that it'll be fine. It's probably Andy's fault.

[C]

Yeah, let's blame Andy. Why aren't you in the studio?

[E]

Because Andy's in there working hard on Best O.

[C]

Couldn't take the time.

[A]

Hold on. That was all orchestrated and it was done seamlessly. Why aren't you in the studio? Oh. Cause Andy's. Why is he using it? Because Best Dead, which comes out on October 30th.

[C]

Okay. Dental.

[A]

It's gonna top the guy rubbing his dick on your arm.

[E]

This is much, much more sinister.

[A]

Oh, okay, okay.

[E]

No, I'm just kidding. So I was about 7 or 8 years old. I lived at the time in East Bay, San Francisco. I moved pretty soon after this to St. Louis. So that plays a part in the my that surrounds this lore. I was at a slumber party, and it was the first one with a lot of girls who I didn't Know.

[A]

That'S pretty young for a slumber party. You have kids, I have kids.

[E]

We don't actually do them because in part of this and some other stuff that happens, we don't need to get into that.

[C]

But they're called something now, right? What is that thing where you go.

[E]

And you come home asleep under. I had a vibe there, first of all, I was like, oh, these people are rich because they had two stories in their house. And I didn't even know that was a possibility. We were in the downstairs area, and it was a bunch of girls I didn't know, and I was feeling very insecure, and it was time to go to sleep. And we all lined up our sleeping bags around a pool table.

[A]

Oh, so this is the rec room.

[C]

They are obviously right to have that.

[A]

We have enough square footage for a rec room.

[E]

I was like, are we in Clue right now with the billiard room?

[A]

Was it wood paneled?

[E]

I'm sure there was wood paneling. It was definitely that vibe. I'm out of my element. I go to sleep and there was also some sort of mean girl stuff going on. And I was just like, I just want to get home, but I'm going to tough it out. And I wake up in the middle of the night with warm goo on my face and a mom screaming at me, but I can't hear her. Then the lights go on and I realize the goo on my face is blood. And I start trying to talk and I'm like crunching something, and I realize in my mind I had bit a pool ball, but it was actually my four front teeth were shattered because a pool ball in the middle of the night had jumped the lip of the pool table somehow and landed on my nose and mouth.

[A]

Because some kids were playing with the pool balls.

[C]

That's the mystery.

[A]

Or there's a pool table.

[C]

I have my own theory about this.

[E]

I am welcoming all theories because I never found out what happened. By the way, my parents had me in orthodontia. I have a picture of me in a head headgear at Disneyland when I was six. They had worked really hard on these puppies.

[C]

You have great teeth.

[E]

Thank you.

[C]

You do.

[E]

They didn't fix the nose, but the teeth I got fixed. And I remembered my dentist was a classmate's dad. So that's kind of one line I could have if I really ever decided to look into this. But no one knows what happened. Why in the middle of the night, a pool ball lay landed squarely on the middle of my little face. Now it could be a ghost.

[A]

No, wait, hold on. I gotta add something. This is my issue with the story. Why is the mom waking you up and aware that this all happened? You're not screaming.

[E]

I think I was in pain without knowing.

[A]

Okay. So I'm like. She just happened to be looking at you when this happened, but then I'm like, then the mom did it, right?

[B]

Munchausens.

[A]

Yeah. Psycho.

[E]

She was like, this little bitch.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

She was mean to my daughter. Daughter.

[E]

Can you imagine, though, having a sleepover and waking up and some kid has their face smashed from your billiards table?

[A]

No. I'm like, okay, we just lost the house for sure. This family's suing, and they're gonna win.

[C]

But, you know, my theory is that there was likely a pet in that house, most likely a cat.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

This makes sense.

[A]

You guys, I can't. You could spend the rest of your life trying to train a cat to pick up a pool ball, and you would fail.

[C]

Not pick up. They were scurrying across the pool table. They knocked it over. Yeah, they knocked it. It fell over the lid.

[A]

They have a lot of cats, Elizabeth.

[E]

I don't recall any felines there, but that's not crazier than, like, a ghost.

[B]

What?

[A]

It's adjacent, though.

[C]

I know you're very pro cats, and this is a hard conversation to have.

[A]

Well, that's what I think is funny, is you just map on whatever thing you're afraid of. You're like, well, it's definitely a dog or a cat or a ghost. It was a cat, but it was a lion. That's what I'm afraid of.

[E]

And I'm like, the mom didn't like my look or.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[E]

But it probably was a little sociopath kid who in the middle of the night. And I'd like to think that she didn't really realize the damage that would happen and thought a pool ball was softer. Yeah.

[A]

And just dropped it on your face to see what happened or threw it or something. I think they might have been a horse in a round. You know, when you're a kid and you're playing pool with your hand, you're just trying to get it in the. You know, pushing too hard, and then they pop off the. That's the most generous explanation is it was a game injury.

[E]

Girls being girls.

[A]

Oh, girls being girls.

[C]

Girls being girls. Cats being cats.

[E]

It's really haunted me because I can't whiten my teeth because those four teeth just stay the stained color that they are. Unless I want to Redo all of them. So it's been such a burden.

[A]

Wait, why? Okay, so you wake up, you're covered in blood, and then how do we treat this?

[E]

They put. It's not veneers, but it's a crown type thing on these four teeth.

[C]

Bonding kind of.

[E]

I think it is bonding.

[C]

Oh, bonding is not very sturdy. I've had it twice. And it falls off?

[A]

Yeah, it's like patching a hole in a wall with the plaster repair. So you go in there and they just kind of shape willy nilly with that stuff.

[E]

Yes. Honestly, Benji's dad did a great job because they lasted a very long time. And then it's just every 10 years or so, I got to go in and have them pop to.

[A]

Have you had incidents where you bite into something and half your front teeth crack off?

[E]

Yes. And so now you know why I was willing to put up with what I'm gonna call a semi hard dick pressing up against my arm.

[C]

Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

[A]

A chub. We would call it. Absolutely committed.

[E]

I need a specialty dental experience.

[C]

But your teeth are very, very white. We were just talking about white teeth earlier today, and actually I thought in my head, Elizabeth has white teeth. I notice it a lot.

[E]

That is so nice.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have beautiful teeth. You'd have no idea that you were assaulted with a. At a sleepover. But because you're so game and I like this rivulet of conversation. So you felt that Dennis's penis on your arm A bunch of times. Do you ever feel in a massage, someone's groin on your elbow?

[E]

I have never. And I'm like.

[C]

You're like, where is it?

[E]

Yeah, I feel like that's the place.

[A]

What happened?

[C]

Well, you've been for real assaulted.

[E]

I have.

[A]

Monica.

[E]

Sorry.

[C]

You've been on one on really extreme ends, so maybe the dentist felt like. Oh, I just wanted you to remember that.

[E]

Thanks, Monica.

[C]

Oh, wow. We are sorry that that happened to you with the pool ball.

[A]

Well, Elizabeth, this has been delightful. This is a little taste of the beautiful chemistry you'll hear on Beth's Dead if you're not already consuming it.

[C]

That's right. I have a friend who I sent the preview link to. She's in.

[A]

You got her.

[E]

The feedback has been so awesome. Hopefully everyone checks it out.

[A]

Have you begun yacht shopping yet?

[E]

I might get a second story sometime.

[A]

Rec room.

[E]

Oh, a rec room.

[C]

The dream.

[A]

Stinky people smoke cigars in rec rooms.

[E]

There are always stories coming out of rec rooms.

[C]

Maybe we could do a whole prompt Rec room stories.

[A]

I Feel like that gal that was humping her teddy bear to the movie was in a rec room.

[C]

Yeah, probably.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Most first sexual experiences in the Midwest take place in a rec room or.

[A]

A wood panel basement as well.

[C]

In the south too.

[A]

That's where all the good times go. All right. We could do this all day. We love you.

[E]

Love you guys. Thank you so much. This is so fun.

[A]

Bye. Bye. What a delight. She should go into podcasting.

[C]

She should have met.

[A]

She should go into podcasting for 10 years.

[C]

20. No, not 20, but totally lame was when I moved. 15 years fitting.

[A]

Years fitting. All right.

[C]

That was fun.

[A]

Love you. I'm gonna go out with a saying that my father said to every child he ever met. Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you.

[D]

Do you wanna sing a tune or something? We don't have a theme song.

[A]

Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random question questions and with the help of armchairs, we'll get some suggestions on the fly rhyme dish. On the fire rhyme dish. Enjoy. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wonry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wonder app or on Apple Payment Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey.

[G]

Mom and dad, mom and mom, dad and dad. Whatever parents. Are you about to spend five hours in the car with your beloved kids this holiday season driving old granny's house? I'm setting the scene. I'm picturing screaming, fighting back to back hours of the K Pop Demon Hunter soundtrack on repeat. Well, when your ears start to bleed, I have the perfect thing to keep you from rolling out of that moving vehicle. Something for the whole family. He's filled with laughs. He's filled with rage. The OG Green Gronk. Give it up for me, James Austin Johnson as the Grinch. And like any insufferable influencer these days, I'm bringing my crew of lesser talented friends along for the ride with a list guests like Gronk, Mark Hamill and the Jonas Brothers who have they are. There's a little bit of something for everyone. Listen to Tis the Grinch Holiday podcast wherever you get your podcasts.