Podcast Summary

Podcast: Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Episode: Armchair Anonymous: Military
Date: October 24, 2025
Host: Dax Shepard with guest co-host Aaron Weekley
Theme: Listener-submitted crazy military (or adjacent) stories—accidents, close calls, challenges, near-misses, and a healthy dose of bodily dysfunction—told with humor and Dax’s signature curiosity for the human experience.

Episode Overview

This episode of Armchair Anonymous dives into wild, cringe-worthy, and heart-warming military stories from listeners and their families. Dax Shepard and guest host Aaron Weekley connect with callers from all branches and backgrounds, extracting hilarious and harrowing tales that celebrate both the absurdity and the camaraderie of military life. The episode keeps things light and irreverent, even when the content gets messy—literally.

Key Segments, Stories & Timestamps

1. Jake’s Slovenian Cliff Accident and Bear Encounter

Timestamps: 03:14 – 15:22

• Jake, a former infantryman, shares a story from a NATO training in Slovenia.
• Deployment Vibe: Stationed in Italy (Verona/Venice region) at 18. Describes it as the dream assignment due to the location and opportunities to unwind.
  • “I was 18 when I got stationed there. I got a piece of paper saying you're going to Italy for two years. And I let loose.” (04:34, Jake)
• The Training Exercise: Objective was to do a simulated attack on a Slovenian village, moving at night through mountains with night vision (which is much less effective than people think).
  • “Night vision...you have a pretty tight tunnel of vision and you just gotta scan back and forth.” (06:45, Jake)
• Disaster Strikes: Jake’s team has to take point after the lead’s night vision breaks. Jake, unfamiliar with the route and relying on a GPS, falls off a 15-20 ft ravine, injuring his leg badly but continues the mission.
  • “I go to kind of push myself and reach for the ground...except there is no ground...and I just start plummeting off of a cliff.” (08:52, Jake)
• The Aftermath: Jake hides the pain for hours, finally discovers his leg is “a bubbling abyss of blood and sticks.” Medical evacuation is delayed—he waits with the medic and platoon leader.
• Enter: The Bear The trio is suddenly approached by a massive brown bear, which growls at them while Jake’s leg is still bleeding. They all flee—“it’s like my leg never happened, I’m full sprint right behind them…” (12:44, Jake)
• Memorable Quote:
  • Platoon Sergeant (after fleeing): “‘I just had to be faster than you. I wasn’t worried about the bear at all. He was getting you. I was getting out of there.’” (13:31, Jake)
• Resolution: Jake’s wound is extreme but not broken, leaves a hefty scar, and his “flesh is somewhere in Slovenia.”
• Jake’s Reflection:
  • “There was no real threat, so I decided to make my own.” (15:07, Jake)

2. Kimberly’s Hit-and-Run Miracle and Military Family Resilience

Timestamps: 15:24 – 29:24

• Kimberly, partner and mother in a military family, retells a near-fatal pedestrian accident in Altus, Oklahoma, right after relocating for her husband’s posting.
• Setting: Quiet country road walk with her two young children and husband, first week at new base.
• The Incident:
  • “And all of a sudden, bam. I am hit from behind...I look up and I’ve been thrown five or six feet.” (17:33, Kimberly)
  • Stroller is hit and shatters—eight-month-old and two-year-old daughters inside; horrifying visuals, but both survive with relatively minor injuries.
• Driver’s Reaction: The car slams brakes, then speeds off; Kimberly’s husband directs a passing Good Samaritan to pursue and call 911.
  • “As soon as we see the car stop and the stroller disconnect, car peels away. Everything you would see in a movie, like squealing.” (21:56, Kimberly)
• Aftermath:
  • Kimberly and children treated at hospital; the driver is caught trying to scrub evidence off her car and is arrested.
  • The driver’s lawyer, at trial a year later, is too drunk to function—causes a spectacle by crashing through courthouse property and is arrested himself.
• Family Healing: Both daughters go on to serve: the elder as an Air Force pilot at Altus (where the accident happened), the younger as an Army combat nurse.
• Perspective:
  • “...by the time the trial hit, I had come to a kind of place of compassion for her. She was young, she wasn’t driving her car, she didn’t have insurance, she wasn’t supposed to be driving the car...and she probably thought she killed us and fight or flight took over.” (27:57, Kimberly)
• Thank You: Kimberly thanks Dax for performing USO shows: “...it just meant a lot that people would take time and go and just give them a little bit of levity.” (28:51, Kimberly)

3. Trevor’s “Ass-deep” Basic Training Mishap

Timestamps: 29:29 – 43:22

• Trevor (Trev), recently out after 12 years in the Army National Guard, tells the story his wife insisted he share—an unfortunate exploit with cold temperatures and a generator during basic training.
• The Scene:
  • Freezing December night, negative temperatures, miserable patrol. Trevor finds a generator blowing warm air and progresses from warming his hands, to his torso, to his pants—finally, in desperation, drops his trousers and sits bare-assed on the exhaust vent for maximal heat.
• Disaster:
  • “I hop bare ass right onto this large exhaust vent. Again, not very smart. But you know what? I gotta tell you, like, in that exact moment, it was the best feeling…” (32:55, Trevor)
  • The heat and cold create a vacuum—his butt becomes painfully stuck to the metal exhaust like the “A Christmas Story” tongue-on-flagpole scene.
• Dilemma:
  • Considers options: call for help and get lifelong ridicule, tough it out, or die of exposure.
  • “Option three is like, I say, here I die from exposure. Best case scenario, it makes a good story.” (37:52, Trevor)
• Resolution:
  • He yanks himself free, leaving a pancake-sized patch of flesh behind:
    • “It was basically half of my ass left behind all bloody spotted. It started to get frosted too, you know, because it was snowing.” (40:06, Trevor)
  • Self-medicates with baby wipes and powders; never tells anyone, except now.
• Aftermath:
  • “If I had to have a big gnarly scar somewhere in my body, it would definitely be my butt…because it's already a disgusting feature on me.” (41:54, Dax)
• Memorable Reflection:
  • “I was thinking of what story to tell...I’ve been on two combat deployments…but she’s like, no, tell the butt story. Okay, I’ll tell that one.” (41:54, Trevor)
• Shout-out from Trevor’s wife (Katie): Thanks Dax & Monica for providing company while her husband was deployed and inspiration for her work as a children's counselor.

4. Scott’s Submarine Poopocalypse

Timestamps: 43:55 – 55:32

• Scott, a Navy submarine officer, shares a story from his first deployment on a nuclear sub, offering a behind-the-scenes look at life underwater and what happens when things go wrong—very, very wrong.
• Background: Sub deployments are 6–7 months; no sunlight, lots of pale guys, “Groundhog Day” monotony, and, crucially, complicated waste disposal systems.
• How Sub Poop Works:
  • Waste and all drain water (from showers, sinks, galley) go into giant “sand tanks.” These get blown overboard with high-pressure air, but all inside openings have to be shut.
  • “The key with that, you absolutely, positively cannot open any inside drains because then the inside becomes the path of least resistance.” (49:13, Scott)
• Disaster: Someone leaves a kitchen sink and floor drain open before a routine tank-blow. High-pressure air blasts hundreds of gallons of waste into the galley—“It makes an absolute geyser of shit water that comes up from the sink and the floor drain, it hits the ceiling and then just mushrooms from there.” (50:54, Scott)
• Aftermath:
  • Everything in the kitchen is infected, meals go cold for days, and the smell lingers for weeks; nobody gets sick, but the culprit faces punishment and has to help clean.
  • “There were some sorry folks and waiters for a couple of days. Those almost certainly went in the trash compactor.” (54:34, Scott)
• Life on a Sub:
  • No sunlight, air is recycled (“We have electrolysis on the oxygen generator...the CO2 gets scrubbed out.” 55:01, Scott).
  • “They are a marvel of technology not built for human creature comforts.” (54:52, Scott)
• Memorable Banter:
  • Aaron: “Not like it should matter, but I was hoping...men are definitely more deserving of a disaster like this.” (53:27, Aaron)
  • Dax: “I would just scuttle it and send it to the bottom of the ocean for the whales to nibble on whatever’s leaking out.” (56:41, Dax)

Notable Quotes & Tone

• Dax’s running theme: Even in the zaniest or grossest stories, he finds a human or philosophical angle (“Most people are dying of friendly fire; it’s like, well, this is how—most dangerous thing is climbing a mountain blindfolded, and there’s a bear.” 15:06)
• On military life: “There’s just too much time of doing too much weird stuff. You’re, like, trying to get warm. Certainly other insane stuff’s happening like that around the clock because you’re just by yourself bored out of your mind.” (40:54, Dax)
• On perspective & compassion:
  • Kimberly: “You can see how she got there…while it’s the wrong choice, you can see how she got there.” (27:57)
  • Dax: “Yeah, when you’re 20, man, and something like that, I can’t even imagine the weight of something like that happening.” (28:19)

Episode Takeaways

• The military is filled with unpredictable danger—sometimes from training, sometimes from your own teammates, sometimes from wild animals, and sometimes from your own naked backside.
• Underneath the humor is a deep respect for the weird and difficult ways military folks find to adapt, survive, and support each other—whether it’s literally running from a bear, suffering life-changing injuries, or cleaning a kitchen submerged in sewage.
• Despite bizarre or disgusting accidents, the stories reinforce the bonds formed in adversity and the resilience to find connection and laughter—even (especially) in the face of absurdity.