Jake Johnson Returns Again

Summary

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Episode: "Jake Johnson Returns Again"

Date: December 8, 2025

Guests: Jake Johnson, Monica Padman

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Episode Overview

In this candid, laughter-filled reunion, Dax Shepard and Monica Padman welcome back their friend Jake Johnson—actor, writer, director, and co-host of the advice podcast "We're Here to Help." The conversation bounces between nostalgia for old Hollywood, the changing landscape of fame, creative fulfillment, personal loss, mental health, Tom Cruise tales, podcasting quirks, and the enduring power of friendship. The trio’s rapport is lively, unfiltered, and as always, eager to dissect the oddities and joys of being human.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Nostalgia and Change in Hollywood

• Shifts in the Industry: Jake laments the fading era of network TV, big studio comedies, and career-defining commercials, recalling how actors used to "quit their catering jobs" after one big gig (11:29).
  • "I loved that everybody used to come out for pilot season, every actor had the same story forever." – Jake Johnson (11:29)
• Gratitude for the Old, Embracing the New: Instead of getting hung up on what's lost, Jake and Dax find gratitude for having experienced “the golden age,” while appreciating the liberating anonymity and creative control in today’s world (12:04–12:34).
  • "You could be bummed they're gone, or you can go like, oh, fuck, yeah. I got to do movies where tens of millions of people went and saw it." – Dax Shepard (12:05)

Personal Approach to Career and Fulfillment

• Doing It "Their Way": Both Dax and Jake reflect on intentionally carving their own unique, self-directed career paths—even if that means walking away from mass fame or lucrative offers (13:33–14:09).
  • "I'm on this rock for hopefully 90 years. What'd you do while you were here? Was it interesting?... I don't want to play anybody else's game." – Jake Johnson (13:47)
• Pride Mixed with Self-Protection: The guys analyze whether their philosophies about the business (“my way or the highway") might sometimes act as rationalizations for avoiding risk or rejection (15:41).

On the Changing Nature of Fame

• Relief in Anonymity: Jake rejoices at being unrecognized during a recent family outing, appreciating the buffer “between work and real life” that a lower public profile can provide (16:14).
  • "It was so nice. I didn't even do the weird glasses...I hate being that guy." – Jake Johnson (16:24)
• Ambivalence About Recognition: He discusses the awkwardness of fan encounters when alone and the gratitude (and weirdness) that comes with it (17:55–18:32).
  • "Give me a second to catch up to this moment. I'm listening to a weird song. I'm somewhere else." – Jake Johnson (18:04)

Control, Anxiety, and Letting Go

• Letting Go of Control: Both men share new attitudes toward their work: dropping the compulsion to control and instead focusing on presence and collaboration—citing the advice, "My whole job is to get it so you can be present" (22:20).
• Battling Old Patterns: Jake admits that in the past, art and career were all about survival, external validation, and fear of collapse—driving him into cycles of perfectionism and, sometimes, drinking to escape (31:05).
  • "I'm trying to stay in front of the darkness. I can't do it like this because I don't want the darkness to take me away." – Jake Johnson (24:36)
• Mutual Recognition: Dax and Jake commiserate on resisting “power struggles” and learning to trust the process, even without knowing the outcome (25:52).

Mental Health & Loss

• Grieving a Friend: A notably sincere segment addresses the suicide of Jake’s close friend, Jeff Ba—how their friendship and communication style might have veiled vulnerability and the regret that follows (39:49–49:57).
  • "All the debate stopped. And I was like, that's not fair, man, because we haven't finished." – Jake Johnson (42:36)
• Male Friendship & Emotional Honesty: Jake advocates for more explicit expressions of care among male friends, wishing he’d said, “I need you” more openly (45:54).
• Impact on Perspective: The death brings home the finite nature of life and energy, pushing Jake to seek more balance and acknowledge his own emotional limits (39:32).

Podcasting: Philosophy, Freedom, and Community

• On 'We're Here to Help': Jake details the evolution of his advice podcast—a freewheeling, "bad advice" call-in show where sincerity and comedy collide (50:02–54:53).
  • "I love that there's not a studio or a network so we can keep changing it...I like that there can be experiments." – Jake Johnson (50:09)
  • Memorable Call: A humorous popcorn-obsessed husband turns into a crowdsourced kidney-donor campaign, illustrating the show's unexpected heart and reach (51:04–52:16).
• Structure vs. Sincerity: The trio discusses their podcasting differences—Dax’s show leans into sincerity and empathy, while Jake thrives in comedic chaos, embracing caller confrontation a la Howard Stern (54:16–57:32).

Acting: Self-Worth and Creative Growth

• Devaluing What Comes Easy: Jesse Hodges’ observation that Jake denigrates acting because it comes naturally, and thus seems less valuable, sparks self-reflection about worth and effort in creative work (29:29–29:56).
  • "The thing that you're good at is the thing you don't value. And the thing you value is the thing you're not good at." – Jesse Hodges via Jake (29:44)
• Redefining Motivation: Jake now prioritizes working with sharp collaborators and doing the job for joy/love—not vengeance or fear of failure (31:04–31:07).

Stories from the Industry: Tom Cruise & Beyond

• Working with Tom Cruise:
  • "The Mummy" Experience: Jake provides anecdotes from the set of "The Mummy," illustrating Cruise's preternatural focus, physical intensity, control over set and performance rhythm, and his commitment to the international audience (62:39–76:24).
    • "He knows every single lens and how you’re supposed to act for each lens and expects you to also." – Jake Johnson (74:13)
    • Cruise’s view of himself: "Why would I ever put bad gasoline in [my body]? I’m a Ferrari." (76:24)
  • Pace and Performance: Cruise's direct (and kind) guidance helped Jake adapt to the film’s required speed and global clarity: cut down on improv, simplify for dubbing, harmonize with Cruise’s tempo (72:47–73:36).
  • Workout Antics: Cruise's 'all-or-nothing' intensity even in workouts ("If you say amrap [as many rounds as possible], I have to go as many rounds as possible, and it's too, too hard." – 79:36) and his ability to make even mundane routines into meditations on discipline.
• Theme Parks & Christmas Cake Lore:
  • Jake confirms the legend of Tom Cruise's holiday cake gifts (118:16–121:13), sparking a humorous aside about who might get them and what it means to receive one.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Acting Philosophy:

  • "I want it to be very personal. I always need it to feel right. And it's hard because I'm not always in touch with my feelings." – Jake Johnson (14:11)

• On Creative Control:

  • "I was trying to control everything, which goes back to childhood stuff. And now as I'm controlling less, I'm like, this is the job." – Jake Johnson (22:08)

• On Mental Health and Friendship:

  • "What am I doing wrong to not let people who... know how much we all loved him? ...Maybe you have to say it." – Jake Johnson (45:54)

• On Podcast Community:

  • "I love when somebody calls on our show and... they're like, don't do that right now. Don't do that thing you do. It makes it feel like we're old friends." – Jake Johnson (55:57)

• On Tom Cruise:

  • "He's the best movie star in the time. The best." – Dax Shepard (63:54)
  • "I'm a racehorse. If you say sprint, I have to sprint. Why would I put a French fry in my body?" – Tom Cruise via Jake Johnson (79:55)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Nostalgia for Old Hollywood / Industry Change: 11:13–14:09
• Carving a Unique Career Path: 13:33–15:41
• Fame and Anonymity Reflections: 16:14–18:32
• Creative Control & Actor Presence: 22:08–25:52
• Grieving Jeff Ba’s Death / Male Vulnerability: 39:46–49:57
• ‘We’re Here to Help’ – Podcast Philosophy & Kidney Donor Call: 50:02–52:27
• Podcast Tone: Comedy, Levity, and Sincerity: 54:16–57:32
• Stiller & Dink Project: 59:48–62:36
• Tom Cruise Stories & Acting Lessons: 62:39–79:55
• Tom Cruise’s Cake Tradition: 118:16–121:13

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Episode Flow, Tone & Style

The entire episode is rapid-fire yet contemplative, weaving between riotous bits—like inventing euphemisms for anatomy or roasting each other's teenage looks—and moments of aching honesty about loss, regret, and the shifting tides of ambition. Dax and Jake’s kinship is a throughline; they offer each other both ribbing and real emotional support. Monica provides both comic relief and sharp questions that drive the conversation deeper.

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Summary for Non-Listeners

This episode is a masterclass in what makes "Armchair Expert" beloved—a heady mix of industry insider talk, self-examination, straight-up laughs, and openness about life’s emotional complexities. Jake Johnson is at his most relatable and revealing, talking honestly about work, family, loss, fun, and growth. There’s a lot for fans of "New Girl," creative careers, mental health, podcasting, pop culture, and friendship to love—plus hilarious Tom Cruise insights you won’t hear anywhere else.

End Note:

Skip the ads, but don’t skip this reunion of kindred spirits working out what it means to be a creative human—and a better friend—in real time.

Transcript

[A]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondri plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Hi. We have our friend on.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Our returning. Always gold.

[B]

Always gold. Never silver.

[A]

You need a guy to come in and score the winning game. Point the buzzer beater. Jake Johnson's your man.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Jake Johnson, an actor and a podcaster. New girl Spider man into the spider verse. Let's be cop, self reliance Tag and his podcast, which is hysterical. Everyone should listen. We're here to help. I'm jealous of their show because they get to give terrible advice and that's really the dream.

[B]

It's not really the dream. You love giving. You don't. You say you don't like giving advice, but you do like it and you like giving real advice.

[A]

Well, but also I want to be able to go like you just tell the person to fuck off. That's the kind of advice they sometimes get to, you know, they're liberated to do.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. They have a different brand.

[B]

Yeah. And I just.

[A]

And I get a little jealous.

[B]

I understand.

[A]

Yeah. Like when I watch a movie with a bad guy, I'm like, I want to play bad guy. Yeah, he's a bad guy. A really rough guy. Oh, Billy Eilish.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Please enjoy. Jake Johnson. Thank you to our presenting sponsor, Audible for supporting this episode. Armchairs. Audible's best of 2025 collect collection is here. The year's top audiobooks, podcasts and originals across every genre. Their editors spent countless hours listening and debating to hand pick this year's must listens. If you want to finish the year with something you know is going to hit, check out audible's best of 2025 and discover why there's more to imagine when you listen. Go to audible.com best of2025. We are supported by ServiceNow. You know what I love not having to do boring, repetitive stuff. I want to focus on the interesting conversations, the creative work, the things that really matter to me. And apparently that's exactly what ServiceNow does for entire organizations. AI is only as powerful as the platform it's built into. Here's the thing. ServiceNow has basically become the operating system of AI. Instead of Frankensteining together different tools, ServiceNow unifies people, data, workflows and AI connecting every corner of your business. That's why it's no surprise that more than 85% of the Fortune 500 use the ServiceNow AI platform. We're talking HR, customer service, every department you can think of. And here's what's cool. They got Idris Elba as their brand ambassador. I mean, come on, if you're going to have someone represent your company, might as well be the guy who's basically the CEO everyone wants to be, right? With AI agents working together autonomously, anyone in any department can focus on the work that matters Most. Learn how ServiceNow puts AI to work for [e-mail].

[B]

Boy. How are you? I'm good. How are you?

[C]

Been a second, pal.

[A]

It really has.

[C]

I'm missing our hike.

[A]

That might be our longest break between hikes, and I don't like it.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Have you been hiking?

[C]

No.

[A]

You haven't? That's comforting to me.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Like, if I found out you were there. Three times a week, I come right here.

[C]

I do the same walk directly in.

[A]

Front of my house.

[B]

He replaced you?

[C]

No, an old jiu jitsu guy. We've been doing workouts in my garage, and I'm in, like, a really nice system.

[A]

Okay. What's the routine? How many times a week does he. Come on.

[C]

We're doing about five days right now.

[B]

Come on.

[C]

Which is the most I've ever done.

[B]

That's a lot.

[C]

It's a lot.

[A]

It's just the two of you? Just the two of us in your garage.

[C]

In my garage.

[A]

Okay. What's the heating? Cooling. Sit. Does it get a little hot in there?

[C]

Gets a little hot in the summer. I got a big industrial fan.

[A]

Swamp cooler.

[C]

Yeah, let's go.

[A]

That's what you need.

[C]

It's a Midwest basement vibe.

[A]

Oh, I love it. I love it.

[C]

That's the aesthetic of it. It's throwing up weights, blasting music.

[A]

Do you feel bad for everyone who grew up around the country without basements?

[C]

The best.

[A]

It's like the one area your parents aren't really claiming you can pretty much do whatever the fuck you want.

[B]

I love a basement.

[C]

I love a basement.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You always had one. Mani.

[B]

My first house didn't have one, but it was coveted. Like, we needed one. We did end up with one. And my new house kind of has a basement.

[C]

That's cool.

[A]

As does. Both houses I've owned in LA have suspiciously had basements. Have you ever.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

I need a basement.

[A]

How bad would you like one?

[C]

We're kind of looking.

[A]

You are?

[C]

Yeah. We've been looking around for a new place and one of the things. Well, honestly, because My daughters are 12 now, and I want them in junior high and high school to be home. And right now, when they're home, as Dax knows. Got a big personality. There's a lot of me in the house.

[A]

Sure, sure.

[C]

Where are you guys going? What are you doing? What's happening?

[A]

What are we getting in? What are you doing?

[C]

Yeah, they're in their room together. Just.

[A]

What's up, guys?

[C]

Triplets. And if they're having a sleepover, I'm starting to realize they might not want me around, which is heartbreaking in its own sense, but. Go in the basement.

[A]

Yeah, do your thing.

[C]

Have fun. I'll be upstairs.

[B]

Yeah, that's perfect.

[C]

That's what I want.

[B]

Otherwise, they're going to go to these crazy parties. Our friend's kid went to a party on Halloween. You know, now you pay to go to these parties. You pay like $25.

[C]

You pay to go to a party.

[A]

You pay.

[B]

And then the whole city goes to.

[A]

These, all organized on Instagram and Tik Tok. Really?

[B]

Yes. And then you buy a ticket, and then you go to these parties. And then this one was on the news.

[A]

Yeah. There were several thousand kids who showed up. Presumably someone rented, like, an Airbnb. So you've bought a ticket to the backyard.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Nobody can get in, but everyone paid.

[C]

Crazy.

[A]

I don't know why you and I are.

[C]

I was just. What a. I've told you the story. What my Uncle Eddie did to me when I was a kid. My Uncle Eddie had legal trouble, and he came to. Lived with us for a little bit.

[B]

I love your Uncle Eddie.

[C]

Well, yeah. And he said he's a good man. He was a great man.

[A]

That's when we ever had that.

[B]

You did the fantasy football.

[C]

Well, that was. Yeah, it was the same hustle.

[A]

Sold signage. Yes. Yeah, he was like a craftsman of sorts.

[C]

But that's the same move. You pretend you're throwing a party, you get an Airbnb, you invite everybody in. The last second, you go, the cop. Shut it down.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

You guys are mad.

[A]

Yeah, we're mad. Yeah.

[C]

Dax and I are inside going.

[A]

We were in C for a half hour.

[C]

I got beat up by a cop. I'm the maddest one here. I have a fur jacket, but I'm the baddest one here.

[A]

We can slug each other a little.

[C]

Literally have each get punched in the face once for that, for 30k all day.

[B]

I do wonder how this works, because there's got to be an adult at the top of this, overseeing It. Yeah. And then aren't they worried about liability and suing? I'm so.

[A]

I don't know that there's an adult.

[C]

No, it's. Nobody's making that decision.

[B]

How are they?

[A]

There were kids in my school running pretty complex systems.

[B]

Airbnb.

[A]

Well, I had a classmate that was a pimp. I don't know how else.

[C]

In high school?

[A]

Yes, in high school.

[C]

What was his. He had the women.

[A]

He had a group of three gals.

[C]

High school girls.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know how to just. I'm gonna leave out the description of them, but they were excited to have sexual activity.

[B]

Please.

[A]

I think you can fill in.

[C]

They needed a little heat.

[A]

Yeah, they wanted a little heat.

[B]

Like frizzy hair or like.

[C]

No, stop doing that.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

Frizzy hair ain't gonna stop.

[A]

That doesn't get you into prostitution and h school.

[C]

You interested in hooking up? I would. But your hair is frizzy.

[A]

Body slamming, but your hair.

[C]

No man has ever passed cuz of a little frizz.

[B]

Like I was passed on for frizzy hair.

[C]

How.

A little frizzy and what you're talking about might be two different animals.

[A]

Yeah. How frizzy was your hair? You're like, there's no way with your blampers that you're. You know how frizzy your hair would end. I think you had to imagine this whole thing.

[B]

People overlooked the blampers. Yes, they did. They did overlook them.

[A]

You overlooked people looking is my hunch.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

What do you think Jake Young co ed in high school? Big blampers.

[C]

What the hell's a blamper?

[A]

I think you know what a blampers are.

[B]

A breast.

[C]

Oh, a breast. You had big breasts. Yeah.

[B]

See, he doesn't even know that.

[A]

Why is he proving your point?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You're not aware of the fact that Monica has big glampers.

[C]

I can't now. There's camera. Robert told me there's cameras everywhere. All I need is that slow motion shot. It's like the guys at the Laker game. One of those women when, like, they'll be seeing Kobe and you see someone going.

Don'T have those eyes. Be that.

[A]

Go straight down.

[C]

Blampers are boobs. You get big blampers.

[B]

I used to have big blampers and I had them then. This is a baggy sweater. So I don't expect you to.

[C]

You hide the blampers.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

There's a time for blampers and there's a time to stow the blampers.

[C]

For sure. But it's like a gun. It's nice to have if you need it.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. That is.

[A]

I got blampers from New Zealand when Seth and I were making without a paddle there. I don't know how we had both discovered in the grocery stor. Grocery stores, all the tabloids they called boobs blampers.

[C]

Weird.

[A]

Like they're blampers and they're.

[B]

I think it's cute.

[A]

Something else.

[B]

Okay, now we need to go back to the prostitution.

[A]

Yeah. And you know of this friend, he had three gals who loved physical. And we're down to show up anywhere and get physical. And everyone claims that they were quite happy with the arrangement.

[C]

Crazy.

[A]

Yeah. In high school.

[C]

Can I give you a crazy pitch?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Bring them on the show. All four of them. The three of them and him.

[A]

You know, he's a normal man with a family now.

[C]

I'm sure they are too.

[B]

Let's hope.

[C]

Pixelate their faces.

[A]

I would love.

[B]

I wonder how they think about it now.

[C]

Or they had fun.

[B]

They might have had fun. And still now think of it as.

[C]

Like, that wasn't the best.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That wasn't the best decision I ever made.

[A]

That's a great topic because I read Cher's biography. She writes in her memoir about being a teenager and fudgeing Oren Beatty, who almost hit her with a car. And she loves it. None of these stories are told in the framing of any victimization. It's all really happened to her. And I'm like, it's so interesting to read a book from somebody set in such a different time. Who has that relationship with it. Who has anyone to say what is right or wrong in some weird way. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I'll tell you what I love is. And Eddie Murphy's doc did it too. And I feel like that old Hollywood is starting to really fade. And what used to be our business is fading. The thing we got into is fading. So anytime you can touch that still where it's like, that shit is still really cool. It's still really special. It's still really old school, man. That's the good stuff. That's the stuff that's so good.

[B]

Aren't they gonna say that about this gen too? At some point?

[C]

Yeah. So I love both worlds. My career started with YouTube stuff with drunk history, so I was part of the change. But I also could do a commercial back in the day and make $70,000 and quit my catering job.

[B]

Same.

[C]

I loved that everybody used to come out for pilot Season, every actor had the same story forever. Now there's just new to do it, which is also cool. But anytime you get to taste that old world. Mary Steenberge and I did a movie she was talking about when she was coming up, and I was like, that reminded me of when I was coming up. But that's not going to be the stories. If my kids are into this, that thing is gone. It's quicksand. Yeah.

[A]

It's really easy to kind of lament it going away or it's passing. But I have really tried to focus more on, like, oh, no, you got to totally. Let's be cops. Might be the last successful action.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Or at least one of the last. So you could be bummed they're gone, or you can go like, oh, fuck, yeah. I got to do movies where tens of millions of people went and saw it and they quoted lines from it.

[C]

It's true. But I will tell you, in terms of the new world, which I love, I love being able to work and having it be a little bit more anonymous. So back then, you did something. Everybody watched everything, so your moves really mattered. I remember being like, man, if you make a wrong move, you could ruin the whole pyramid you've been building.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Now I can go off and do a show as, like, the second or third lead. I could do multiple years on it, and you guys could go, what are you working on? Yeah. And I'd be like, I'm getting better as an actor. I'm experimenting. I'm loving it. And nobody's seeing it besides the people who are seeing it, who like it, who like it. It's not what the game used to be. It feels more like a version of Black Box theater everywhere. I'm loving acting again, just taking gigs. I know we haven't talked in a little bit, but, like, gigging out.

[A]

I did text you, though, not terribly long ago, because I saw you in a trailer for something, and I said to you, I know you've got your whole game plan with life, but it is a little frustrating. Wait, you don't remember this?

[C]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

You're a phenomenal actor, and you're really enjoyable to watch, and people want you to be the lead of things and be a star, and I know you've got your zone that you feel good in.

[C]

I love the zone.

[A]

It is one of my things I wanted to get to, because I do think Jake and I take these hikes, and they're so, so fun.

[C]

So fun. I love them. They mean a lot to me. Dax, Me too. They really do.

[A]

But we have a similar thing. And I'm curious how much you think about it, which is like, I'm here to do my way. That's kind of the pride I get. It's like, yeah, I actually did this exactly how I wanted to.

[B]

This being your whole life, the career.

[C]

I'm on this rock for hopefully 90 years. What'd you do while you were here? Was it interested going back to the first time you see any idea of, like, carpe diem and seize the day, make your life extraordinary. What did you do while you were here? I don't want to play anybody else's game while I'm here. I want to play my game while I'm here. And that thing changes a lot.

[B]

And do you want it to be very unique?

[C]

I don't care about that.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I want it to be very personal. I always need it to feel right. And it's hard because I'm not always in touch with my feelings. Sure, sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So at times you go like, that was a weird six months. That one's on me.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

But it's gotta feel right.

[A]

But would you say we both run the risk if we can create a good sales pitch? Right. Where they're both the sons of car salesmen. Specifically, which I would say is apex salesman.

[C]

In another world. Were those guys.

[A]

Sure, sure, sure.

[C]

There's another world where we met each other in the Midwest, became friends, started.

[A]

A furniture store, did something very different and went like.

[C]

It's a lot of fun.

[A]

Yeah. The amount of fun we could have with those big weekend outdoor sales man sales. Like a mattress warehouse with the parking lot just full of furniture you'll take home to your house, but you don't.

[C]

Care at that point, the last second.

[A]

Throwing Taco Bell over the side of it. Did you ever go to one of those, Monica, the furniture store take over the parking lot on the weekend. You come and there's popcorn and some.

[C]

You're just trying to get rid of everything.

[B]

No, but it sounds cute.

[A]

But it's funny to see all the furniture just in the parking lot. Anywho, I think we're good enough salespeople that I latch onto this version I'm committed to. Here's my story about this. And it involves what I think about the business and then I share it with people. And because I think I'm an enthusiastic conveyor of the story. It looks like a lot of sign offs. Yeah, a lot of people are agreeing, but maybe they're just hearing a good story.

[C]

Could be true.

[A]

Could be a little bit misleading to both of us.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

But do you think that sometimes the story really is a lot of self protection? We've bailed out of certain opportunities.

[C]

A lot of good stuff.

[A]

Yes. And we have an overarching approach and explanation for this.

[B]

It's like this isn't in keeping with the way I want my life to.

[C]

Go, but maybe it's about other things too.

[B]

Fear.

[C]

Yeah. But here's where I think it's different for me. I don't know if this is the same for you. This might be a dividing thing. Last night I took my kids and my wife and I, we went to the Glendale Galleria Mall. The outdoor one. Americana. I wasn't recognized once.

[A]

Okay, congratulations.

[C]

I didn't even do the weird glasses when I was in the cars at night. I was like, we're gonna do the snow and the fountain. Should I just put the glass? I was like, I don't wanna be the glasses guy. Okay. I was like, I hate being that guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It was so nice.

[A]

Uh huh.

[C]

I've also been working more recently than I've worked in a while. We were talking a lot when we were both like, are we done?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then a lot of our.

[C]

Then I did Dink and I loved it. Then I did the movie with Joe in Alaska.

[A]

What's that?

[C]

Dakota Fanning and I. Who by the way, I got to give a shout out to Dakota Fanning.

[B]

Blampers.

[A]

Giant blampers.

[C]

Huge fan of this show.

[B]

Oh my God.

[C]

You need to have her on.

[B]

Wait, I love her.

[C]

She's such a killer.

[A]

Listen, we want to have her on and I think we've even reached out and asked.

[C]

She is. She's the best.

[A]

She is.

[C]

And shocked me how cool she is.

[A]

What is she doing at 5pm?

[B]

Seriously?

[C]

I'll give you her number today.

[A]

Please do. We would love to talk to her.

[B]

She is in that show right now too. That's great.

[C]

That's great.

[A]

Which show?

[B]

All her fault.

[C]

Yes. So Dakota and I did another Joe Swanberg movie that Joe and I financed. Put together in Alaska. Fell in love with it. Then I took a job in New York just as an actor. All of a sudden, what happened to me going back to the let's be Cops? I would take these jobs with guys like Damon and I'm like, I love this. This is fun. But then there's billboards everywhere and it's not fun when I'm alone. If you and I go out and we get recognized, it's Fun. Max Greenfield and I went out and got lunch. He just acts like Schmidt and pretends I'm Nick to the waitstaff. They go like, hey, do you want anything?

[A]

He can't have dairy.

[C]

And it's funny and fun and they're.

[B]

Getting such a kick out of it, seeing you two together.

[C]

When I'm alone, I'm not in that gag.

[B]

What happens to you when you're alone? What happens when someone comes up to you like, what's going on in your head?

[C]

I'm taken out of my own little fantas world. My own little jarring thing.

[B]

But do you feel like, oh, they.

[C]

No. I appreciate without them, I don't get to live my dream. I don't get to do all this. I don't get to have the house I have my wife and I wouldn't have had kids unless we had a little bit of money. We were together forever. We were not doing kids broke. So thank you. Appreciate you. But give me a second to catch up to this moment. I'm listening to a weird song. I'm somewhere else.

[B]

Yes. It's like, oh, I'm being watched. Is that a little.

[C]

No, it's just, oh, I have to go back to work.

[B]

Oh, I have to be on it.

[C]

I have to be a little charming. I'm not gonna be rude to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I appreciate you. Ye. A second ago, I was in my own galaxy, which I like a lot. So what I'm liking about this era is I realize I miss the work. I still love being in a scene, doing a great two person scene when it's really fun. Still great. I just didn't like the other stuff.

[A]

I was on a set back to back, first time in five and a half years. And yeah, the scenes are fun. Great. I was reminded, though. I don't know if it's. Sorry.

[B]

No, I know what you're going to say.

[A]

Adhd.

I know it's triggering. I keep hearing about the list of ADHD symptoms. I seem to have them.

[C]

We have it for sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Our entire hike is it. Our hike should be called adhd.

[A]

This hike is brought to you by adhd.

[C]

And another thing. Here's the other thing. We're yell talking.

[B]

I know.

[A]

17 topics on the plate at all times.

[C]

In the middle of a topic, we just fully swear.

[B]

I know, but I just think that's okay. We can't do this over.

[A]

We now.

[B]

We talked about the ad.

[C]

You're not a. You think ADHD is being overdiagnosed?

[B]

I do.

[C]

That's fair.

[A]

That's Totally fair.

[C]

I'll tell you what. Even with the false diagnosis, I'm not gonna do anything about it.

[B]

Right? Okay?

[C]

So I don't mind the diagno. I'm not making changes. I'm not taking any forms. Medicine.

[A]

I just go, like, home. That seems to describe me pretty well.

[C]

Fine. Nothing's changing. There'll be no adjustments.

[B]

I love myself so much.

[C]

It is what it is.

[A]

At this point, yes, I don't want any treatment or sympathy, but I am.

[C]

Moving fast mentally for no reason, and.

[A]

Brushing my teeth is agoniz. There's nothing more painful than brushing my teeth. It's a shocker. I have teeth because I hate it so much.

[B]

But it's funny because you brought up the teeth thing, and now since you've brought it up. No, I'm just hyper aware that I'm the same I am doing other stuff when I'm brushing my teeth. I didn't look for that. So I wasn't like, oh, I have this thing because I wasn't looking for it. Now you're looking for it, and you're getting so much confirmation.

[C]

Did you guys have somebody on who really broke down adhd?

[A]

Well, we have. We had Gabor Monte on, who is the world's premier expert in it. And on the walk to his car, he said to me, so have you ever been diagnosed with adhd?

[C]

This is a dangerous thing with guys like you having all these people, they explain it and you go like, that fits.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

We had, like, a sociopath on it.

[A]

We had pneumococcal pneumonia.

[C]

No, but I probably died.

[A]

Wasn't my breathing weird?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

[A]

But all to say, I was also reminded, like, man, it's really a 1% of the time you're there. Are you doing the thing? That's still quite hard for me. I was remembering the sitting for an eternity.

[C]

I'll tell you what I liked in the opposite, though. So you and I both did the thing where you start acting, then you want all the jobs, then you do all the jobs. Yeah, I really liked on Dink. Sean Clements wrote it. He's so funny. Josh Greenbaum directed it. I wasn't pretending to be a fake, Ad. I was doing the scenes. I got to hang out with Mary and Ed Harris and all these funny people.

[A]

You let everyone else worry about all this.

[C]

They're professionals there. When I worked with Joe, I was like, I love you, Joe. I think you're so good. Why would I think about how you're shooting this scene? I've committed to these days. Why would I think about these? Because I'm not on a television set where I'm there for nine months. Even the New York job, I would fly in for three days, fly home while I'm there. I couldn't care less about the coverage. My only job is to connect to Jesse Hodges, who's great, and Tatiana Masalani, who's great. She's the new wife. She's the ex wife. That's the kid we're fighting for custody. Outside of that, I don't have a thought. Thought so I could go into my little fantasy world, be listening to music.

[B]

You let go of the control element.

[C]

Let go. So what I think it is is I was trying to control everything, which goes back to childhood stuff. And now as I'm controlling less, I'm like, this is the job.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Josh Greenbaum said something great because I directed. I go like, you're such a good director. You're way better than me. What do you like in an actor? And he goes, I just want them to be present. My whole job is to get it so that you can be present. And I'm like, like, that's my only job.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Thanks, man.

[A]

Yeah. I will tell you this. Both jobs. In my morning meditation, I was just going over and over saying to myself, today's goals are no power struggles. They say 6am call time. That makes no sense. I see my. I see my first scenes at 11. This is insane. Okay, I'll be there.

[C]

Good for you.

[A]

The first one I did.

[C]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Dax. I'm the same as you.

[A]

You.

[B]

But he I don't agree with.

[C]

That's incorrect, Dax. The ads are the only old school part of our business that make no sense anymore. 6am Call time when you're not working till 11 makes zero sense. I'll be there at 9:30. I don't need to sit for three hours in a box. You're getting worse. Performance from me later.

[A]

I did say I noticed my pickup.

[C]

Don't give him that look.

[B]

I'm gonna.

[A]

My pickup time was two and a half hours before crew call. And I'm playing myself. So I'm in my wardrobe, I do my hair. I need makeup. That takes 10 minutes.

[B]

So he's definitely gonna be just fine. But the thing is, just practicing, maybe. I go, I know that this is kind of stupid. I know that I don't need to be there two and a half hours. I. Yes, that's the control. That's the control.

[A]

You're right. And I was able to do it the week before.

[C]

I got a big fights with Jesse Hodges, the new show we did, because she was you and I was Dax. And I don't agree with that now here. But here's where I do agree. Don't fight the director. Don't try to rewrite it. Don't try to control it. Don't tell the DP how to shoot whatever they want to do while you're there. All you worry about is you. If you're calling me four hours before I'm needed. I'm not a Buddhist. I can't just sit on hill.

[B]

But that's the goal.

[C]

Is that the goal?

[A]

Well, listen, here's how I framed it. At least I wrote back and I said, I just want to offer the gentlest pushback. It does appear that I will have two hours on set just to remind everyone I'm coming in my own wardrobe and I'll have my hair done. And then the response is like, absolutely. How's 7:15 start, by the way?

[C]

Same. Yeah, that's what happens. But so my thing is, now what I've gotten honest with when you say, are you protecting. What I'm protecting is I'm trying to stay in front of the darkness.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

So what I'm saying is, is I can't do it like this because I don't want the darkness to take me away.

[A]

Because you want to be on set being totally open to everything, and you don't want to have four hours of getting cranky before you start that big challenge.

[C]

And I don't want to step into some bullshit in my head. Me versus you. Why are you. And then I go, and now the script. I'm like, yeah, I'll shoot the scene too. But that fucking guy.

[A]

Larry.

[C]

Larry. Doesn't matter. You're not fighting with anybody. I don't want any of that. But if I do that tone as well, I just saw. If there's any reason. Can you text me during the first scene? If you're going fast, I'm 21 minutes away.

[A]

Right, right.

[C]

And they go, great, we'll just let you know.

[A]

Oh, that's the dream.

[C]

Thank you so much. And I mean it.

[A]

Yes, me too.

[C]

Then when I get there, I'm thrilled. I'm like, oh, more shooting.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay. But so it was no power struggles. Great. That's the number one thing. And then number two is like, I'm there to be of service to the project, the director and the star. Cause in this business, probably the star is as relevant as the showrunner and everything else. Both times I got through it. And what's interesting is because it's not ever been my approach. Cause it's control. I want to control as much as I can because I'm fearful that I won't be great. Yes, totally.

[C]

Right, right.

[A]

So to go there with all those goals and to leave the days having no clue how I did, but with an inkling that that's going to work out is a whole new approach. Do you have that as well?

[C]

Well, it was different. So for Dank, the pickleball one, we were all kind of running that as a team. Working with Mary Steenbergen, I was like, I will not have any darkness because she's so nice. So I will not have the mood where it's like, ooh, little cranky after lunch. Didn't like that taste. Shut up.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah. That was so pleasant. Then Dakota in Alaska was such a trip in such a good way.

[A]

Tell me how.

[C]

She's just old Hollywood in such a great way. And she's so smart and sharp and tough and a shit talker. And then once you call action, you're like, oh, you're so fucking good. And then in between, it's like, well, what are we doing? I said one night, I was like, well, you know, I'm not drinking tonight because I need to work. And she was like, oh, I'm so sick of all these guys in Hollywood who stopped drinking.

[B]

Oh, my God, I love her. She needs to be my best friend.

[C]

Really. What it was for me, so good in the scenes. Corey Michael Smith, so good in the scenes. Everybody in that movie was so good. And the New York job, I'm like, oh, I think I just want to work with people who are really good. But I don't need to be the boss of it. I don't want to run it. I don't want to deal with other people's emotional stuff. I'm not good at that. I'm bad with boundaries. So I get caught up.

[A]

Up.

[C]

Just want to come do the job. Dissociate.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Whoever the character is supposed to be. Hey, man, I'm Carl. Then when the day's over. Thank you. And not think about it again. Not think what the reaction's going to be. Who knows anymore? Who even has the streaming sites? I've been on shows that I don't even have the streaming site of the show.

[A]

Me too. I did two seasons of Top Gear. I don't think anyone ever saw it. Me included. And I'm on it.

[C]

I had a whole season two of May. I didn't have stars.

[A]

Yeah, it came out.

[C]

They were like, what do you think this is? It's now on Netflix. I'm like, eventually I'm gonna check it.

[A]

Out, but it's there. Are you sure? For how long?

[C]

People said good things about it.

[A]

While this is interesting, we're in complete parallel despite not having had our monthly hike.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

We're late in the same.

[C]

I'm loving hearing your back on set. I've thought about you a lot while I'm doing these jobs because I have been back to just acting on a set. And I remember us talking and kind of being like, maybe that thing is going in the background. And I have thought, oh, I'm loving this. And it feels like a rebirth. So Jesse Hodges said something really interesting to me that I don't know if it triggers to you. I was talking shit about acting. We had like a great scene. It was really a good morning. And then I was doing my narrative. And my narrative is, acting's easy. It's just nothing. But the good stuff is when you write it, you direct it, you do all that and you produce it and you finance it. But acting's easy. And as I was talking, my mind was somewhere else. Cause I've said that so many times and I know the reaction I'm gonna get. The reaction is like, you're a super smart guy. Yeah. So I'm gonna sell you a car.

[A]

You want the warranty? Yeah, you should definitely get a warranty. He's got a pretty high miles. I know.

[C]

He said, it's great, but you're gonna love it. It's gonna be great. And if you want 50 bucks off. 50 bucks off. It's literal garbage. The bar, these other people, anything's a profit, dear. And she goes, all I hear is self hatred. Oh. And I go, I don't think so at all. Cuz I was literally like, I'm selling you a great couch here. And she said, because you're an actor, that's what you do. So the other stuff you like to do and you're good at it. But she's like, I was excited to work with you because I think you're a very good actor. So when you're shitting on acting, that's just a form of self hatred. And I played the moment as smoothly as I could. I was like, I hear you. I mean, tomato, tomato kind of thing.

[B]

Agree to disagree.

[C]

Like, you know, that's a take.

[A]

So that's A no.

[C]

But also, we're different generations and I'm gonna sell the couch to somebody else. Yeah. But the more I sat on it. Oh, I think she's right. Because the thing that you're good at is the thing you don't value. And the thing you value is the thing you're not good at.

[A]

That's textbook.

[B]

The thing that comes easiest, you feel has no value. Exactly. And it has to be hard in order for you to feel good about it.

[C]

You have to know you're not quite good enough at it. And then it's valuable.

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[C]

And what I'm doing right now, like Damon Wayans and I are now selling a TV show. But it's the first one where in a pitch, I'm not the writer or the one talking. We have writers, we have producers. Damon and I are literally just there.

[A]

For color to be funny.

[C]

We get there, they have an 11 page thing. They've worked out. The writers are so good, it's so scripted. Then there's areas if Jake and Daemon wanna riff. Yes. Yes. At the beginning it was insulting to me where I was like, no, it's Daemon and I. And then I had to admit to myself, I really enjoy the pitch. I get to listen, I get to react.

[A]

Counterpunch.

[C]

Yeah. And then Damon will say something really funny. Then we'll get into something. The reaction from the buyers has been big. And for the last couple years, TV pitches for me, I'm like, TV's dead. It's not dead, it's just dead when I'm pitching them.

[B]

Do you have a fear of being indispensable? Because that's kind of what it sounds like a little bit to me, probably.

[C]

But I also think the other thing that I'm also doing is. And it's more selfish because I love what you're doing. I don't want to be an asshole. I want to be open. I'm trying to figure out how to re engineer it. That I do this business out of love.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

As opposed to fuck you. You'll see.

[A]

Terrified.

[C]

It was. Everything's going to get revealed. I'm going to lose my house, I'm going to lose my family. I'm going to be without parents. If this doesn't land, I'm a dead person. I have nothing. My entire value is them going pretty good. All right. Should we move into coverage?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

It was too intense. It was sickening.

[A]

Wanted.

[C]

And I hated the business for it. And I hated Video Village for it. And I hated the person I was performing for. Because you, man. Because if I don't do it, you're gonna kill me. You're gonna take my wife away, my kids away.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're like, no.

[C]

They're like, this is a commercial.

[A]

Yeah, For Arby's. This is already going out of business.

[C]

And we cast you, right?

[B]

We already like you. We picked you.

[C]

And I was like, this is going weird. And then I would need a drink to calm down. And so my big switch was I was like, I know. I can't do that.

[A]

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare. Thanks again to our presenting sponsor, Audible, for their support. So Audible just dropped their best of 2025 collection. And I gotta say, this is one of those things that actually makes your life easier, Monica. Their editors have been doing the heavy lifting. We're talking countless hours of listening, heated debates, and the whole thing. They've handpicked the year's top audiobooks, podcasts, and originals across all your favorite genres. And what I love is that they're not just highlighting the giant release, though those are in there. They've also dug up some real hidden gems. The stuff that might have flown under the radar, but totally deserves your attention. I love a good recommendation. My queue is out of control, so anytime there's a curated list like this, I breathe a little easier. Two titles I'm excited about. Sunrise on the Reaping. Anything Hunger Games related is an automatic ad for me. And Someday now, which everyone says is incredibly warm and reflective. If you want something solid to close out the year, this is a great place to start. Check out audible's best of 2025 and disc. Why there's more to imagine when you listen. Go to audible.com bestof2025 we are supported by JCPenney.

[B]

Okay, so I just ordered these king size pillows from J.C. penney, which were so hard to find. I was looking at a lot of places and JCPenney had them. And when they arrived, I was like, wait, these feel really luxe and expensive. Way more than what I paid.

[A]

Well, that's the thing about JCPenney right now. They're a one stop shop for incredible gifts. You can grab something last minute, like even on December 22, and it still looks like you've been planning for months. You know, I just bought a bunch of stockings for Nashville from JCPenney and an adorable Christmasy placemat with a fire engine on it and some nutcrackery. Guys, creatures. There's like V kinds of fun Christmas stuff.

[B]

Oh, I love that.

[A]

Whether it's beauty Sets, home decor, jewelry, or fashion for the whole family. Everything has that elevated I definitely splurged vibe.

[B]

Even when you didn't, it's what they thought that counts.

[A]

And honestly, nobody needs to know you grabbed it at the 11th hour shop. JCP.com yes, JCPenney. We are supported by Quince. So I'm standing in my closet the other day and I realize I'm reaching for the same three things over and over again. And they're all coming from quints. Which got me thinking, when did I become that guy who actually cares about where his clothes come from? I'll tell you when. When I discovered quints.

[B]

Exactly. I was at a happy hour a couple days ago with a cool woman named Margo. Very chic. And I was like, ooh, I love your pants. I love your sweater. And she said, quints.

[A]

Boom.

[B]

And I was like, I should have known.

[A]

Should have known. Turns out Quint cracked the code on something I didn't even know was broken. They partnered directly with these ethical factories. Cut out the middlemen. So you get the same Mongolian cashmere that cost 200 bucks elsewhere. 450, same quality, none of the markup. Perfect timing too, because holiday shopping is coming. And I actually have good answers for one once. Not just clothes either. They've got home stuff, travel gear, all of it. Give and get. Timeless holiday staples that last this season with quints. Go to quints.com Dax for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Dax free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Dax this show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[C]

Help.

[A]

The holidays are all about traditions, right? Some we inherit, others we create ourselves. And honestly, I've been thinking about what new traditions might actually serve us. Here's one I didn't see coming. Therapy as a holiday tradition. I know, I know. But hear me out. December can be intense. Family dynamics. Year end pressure. All the reflection on what went right or wrong. What if instead of just surviving the season, we used it to actually understand ourselves better? We have talked numerous times about how the holiday season can be a activating event. Yeah, you're with your family.

[B]

Exactly. Family dynamics. Also pressure. Moms have pressure. Dads have pressure for these children presents. I have pressure for my gift guide.

[A]

Better help makes it simple to start. They've got over 30,000 licensed therapists who follow a strict code of conduct. And their matching system actually works. Works. We're talking 4.9 out of 5 stars from over 1.7 million reviews. They've helped more than 5 million people globally figure things out. This December, Start a new tradition by taking care of you. Armchairies get 10% [e-mail] Dax that's betterhelp.com Dax.

[B]

In relationships, can you accept that people love you?

[C]

Yeah. I've been with my wife since 2004.

[B]

But did it take a minute with her to accept it?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's so sad.

[C]

Yeah. How about for you? You're like, no, I'm lovable.

[A]

No one noticed her blampers in four years of high school.

[B]

So you tell them, I didn't notice her blampers. Yeah.

[C]

So you think you're not being seen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wearing baggy clothes. I'm like, no one can see them.

[C]

I got these big ass blampers under this. I mean, I can't see the blampers.

[B]

I know, I understand.

[A]

Roll up in a Ferrari. Everyone's acting like I got out of a Pinto. Can't look at my diapers.

[C]

And I'm not cured from it. One thing I hate about podcasts in this era is everyone's talking about how bad they used to be and how good they are now. Where I'm like, well, that's not accurate. You have not fully gotten fixed. Yes, but I'm in the transition of trying to realize that it's not a life or death performance and the stakes aren't as high as I think they are and other people aren't in fight or flight. Like last night I was at the Glendale Mall and my wife went to the bathroom and my kids went on their own. And so I was alone looking at this goofy ass fountain, and I don't like that mall.

[A]

I don't like that one. Tell me why you don't like it.

[C]

It's Disney.

[A]

I was there by myself the other day and I was like, this place is great.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

You do?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't like.

[B]

It's like Disneyland.

[A]

I don't like Disneyland. I don't.

[B]

Because it's too happy.

[C]

Yeah, well, it's. It's manufactured happiness.

[A]

Oh, manipulated.

[C]

When a place tells me, this is where you're safe and you're happy, I go, not me.

[B]

You don't trust it.

[C]

Oh, watch.

[A]

I have the darkest day of my year today.

[B]

I want you to just try to go and be. Be like, I wanna look at the Americana. The way she looks at the Americana.

[C]

Well, what I had last night was I was sitting there and then I got a little paranoid. I was like, all right, what's the game plan if I don't hear from the kids? And I looked around, and I realized most of these people might just be really sweet people.

[A]

I think they are at the Americana.

[C]

And I was like, oh, it's really funny. I see people as threats, and I think everybody else does. And I think of this as the animal kingdom, and we are all, all predators, and it's scary. And then I looked around, and I was like, I'm seeing the world through some weird eyes. Yeah. Because this looks like a bunch of sweet people with their families looking at fake snow and smiling. So being like. And then looking at a trolley.

[A]

And I'm like, it goes nowhere. But you hung up on the fact that the trolley went nowhere. But now you realize the trolley goes.

[B]

Everywhere, just about the ride.

[C]

You know what's really fun about this? So you go to the movie Parenthood, which was awesome. There's that great monologue from the Grand Grandma, and she said, some people really like life going around in a Ferris wheel and just going around and around. And other people really like the roller coaster. I've always been a roller coaster. As I'm aging, as I'm getting older, I'm like, I think I've done enough roller coaster.

[A]

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I'm starting to feel. I felt it during Self reliance, but I started feeling my life force for the first time, and I was like, oh, this well isn't bottomless. And that had never been. I don't know if it's adhd. I don't know if it's survival shit.

I could go forever. I'll never quit. And I' sudden I'm like, I could quit.

[A]

This feels dangerously opportunistic and mildly gross, but I do think it could be relevant. But your friend killed himself. Do you think that's having any effect on this?

[C]

It's huge.

[A]

Because that was a dude. I knew him a little bit. It was really important to him, all that stuff.

[C]

Yes. Jeff ba. And it's really funny because I think our break from hikes happened right as Jeff killed himself.

[A]

Yeah. We've only hiked once since that happened.

[C]

Because he was Miler. Hiking anybody. I'm, like, coming back into it, but I would either go to your house or four blocks away, I'd go to his house.

[A]

Yeah. So anytime you come hiking here, when.

[C]

I come to this neighborhood, I'm a little bit like, ah, fucking guy's dead. No. It's had such a big impact, way more than I thought it would. Which is a stupid thing to say.

[B]

Well, there's waves until you.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Go through the waves. The first was this is what I told you when we hiked, which is. Was talking to someone that happened to have been at the wake or whatever it was called. Called. And they said, oh, man, do you know Jake Johnson? And I go, yeah, he's my hiking buddy. And they go, he gave the most incredible eulogy imaginable. It was so real and angry and heartfelt and a lot of stuff.

[C]

Yeah, I'm really mad at him.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, my ulgi was this. And I gave it a lot of thought because it happened when my dad died too. My brother was like, you got to speak. And I was like, I don't.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I was like, who am I speaking for? His AA buddies.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

80 year old Jewish guys.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Cousins on my dad's side. I didn't grow up with. I don't need to cry in front of strangers.

[B]

Yeah. Like, this is not a performance.

[C]

I don't like crying in front of anybody. Barely in front of my wife. So I'm like, in front of a bunch of people. Pass. And then I realized, for my dad. All right, I guess I'm doing it for him. But I didn't feel my dad. So while I was doing it, I'm like, this isn't for him him. This is for my brother and sister.

[A]

Well, you know what? It is for him because our dads were so similar.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

His big shot son came and did the.

He liked that. He was out there going like, yeah, they all recognize my kid from t. They're a little bit excited. Yes.

[C]

Yeah. But for Jeff, it was very clear. Jeff ba was the biggest know it all I've ever met. I'm a know it all. You're a know it all. I'm not putting you under that umbrella. Now I've got to know you a little bit. You're not a know it all, but.

[B]

I do know a lot.

[C]

You do know. You're opinionated, but not a know it all. Jeff was a true know it all. Our hangs similar to you and me. We would get on a subject and then sometimes it would turn into a slight debate. Even very similar. Do you not want those jobs out of fear? That's your sales pitch. My sales pitch is, no, I'm out of love. Now we're debating our sales pitches.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's really fun. And then you always leave and you go like, they had some nice, valuable points. I like that. And I Had some nice, valuable points. And if it's Poland, I don't know who winning. I think we're at 50. 50. And so Jeff and I had a ton of topics, and when he killed himself.

All the debate stopped. And I was like, that's not fair, man, because we haven't finished. When we became friends, it was instant. And he goes, I'm a big believer that I don't know what this world means, but I do know something else is going on. And there are moments that you get connected to the invisible and you go, I don't know. But this shit is different than I thought it was. I'm not trying to explain it. I'm okay with the mystery of it.

[A]

I agree.

[C]

When I met Jeff, we connected right away. And he said, we're going to be old men together. And I was like, I know that's true. We are going to be playing bocce ball, and I'm going to be arguing with this old man. Honestly, one of the most difficult guys I've ever met. The amount of people he would kick out of his house, the amount of people who contacted me after he died and goes, I'm really sorry for your loss. I'm a little bit mixed myself. He was really rude to me.

[A]

I went a little more on the.

[C]

Truthfully, a lot of people had to call and go, like, I'm calling to say I'm sorry to you. He literally kicked me out of a bathroom bowling.

[B]

I started, oh, my God.

[C]

So Jeff was not a dark guy. Dave King said something so funny. He said, when somebody kills himself, everybody says, I mean, anyone but him. And he goes, but this one's very true.

[A]

Anybody but Jeff.

[C]

He let a lot of light in. He was not an anxious guy. He was not a depressed guy. He was a routine guy. So he just did the same routine.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And so the disappointment of my eulogy was so Jeff has now, in my life, transitioned. He's now entered my dream. So I now talk to Jeff every night. I've asked Jeff to help oversee with my kid. He's part of my nightly whatever prayers are, OCD manifesting, whatever that shit is. He's now entered that space. But at his eulogy, I really thought, I'm gonna challenge him and he's gonna make an appearance.

[A]

He's so indignant, he'll have to show up.

[C]

He's such a prick.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

He would call up and go, like, hey, hey, man, wanna play hoops? And I'd be sure we'd go to a court It'd be straight up gangsters. Your vibe changes. Not with Jeff. Jeff's calling touch fouls.

[A]

I'd have heated.

[C]

And then in the car after, when there's almost a fight, he's blaming them. We are like, it's fucking you, Ray, dude. It's you. And so my whole speech was doing to him. It's you. You're the weird one. Cause what I really thought he was gonna do is I thought he was gonna like, fuck with the mics. I thought something was gonna shift so that I could say I'm sorry I didn't see it. Because the real nightmare of suicide is you think you got a good read on people and you missed it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Where you're like, fuck, man. We were supposed to hike. We were texting right up until he passed and we were gonna hike and he stayed up really late. And I've got kids, so I'm waking up early. So I go, yeah, man, I'd love to hike. I go, how's noon? Cause he wants to start at 2. I gotta be home at 3.

[A]

Yeah, 2's too late.

[C]

At first I was saying, How's 10, man? How's 9? And he's like, impossible.

[A]

I mean, the folks going to see on a 2pm hike are questionable. Yeah, it's crazy.

[C]

It's so hot.

[A]

Night shift, why are they open?

[C]

But here was where I look back where I go, like. Because he told our other friend Miguel, when things were going dark for him, Miguel said, talk to Jake. Jake loves you. And he goes, jake's really busy with his kids and his work. I don't want to bother him. And now he's dead. So the big turn for me has been what am I doing wrong? To not let people who. That's why when we started, I said, you mean a lot to me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Because I was like, oh, I don't think I did that to him. I don't think he knew how much we all loved him. I think he really thought in the end he's doing a movie. I'm like, the movie. Who gives a. Yeah, I'm seeing my kids. But the only reason I'm obsessive is cuz my dad wasn't there and I'm being weird. Say, I need you. My kids don't want me around. My wife is not a possessive. And she'd be like, go live at Jeff's.

[A]

Yeah, you might not. Two of you around.

[C]

And I do think if we went on that hike that day, in my heart of heart, hearts, I know he'd be alive. God, I don't know. J. I don't know. But I know. But I know that response. I know that response. And I don't feel a sadness or a darkness. I know. Jeff and Jeff and I called each other out on. And he had been getting really skinny and he was starting to lose hair. And the last hike I saw, he looked really skinny and weird. And I did a little bit like. And he's like, I've just been eating these smoothies. He was getting like depressed skin.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

He was graying out a little bit. And supposedly by the end it got really bad. Bad. And I do think we would have had a. You know, if it's professional, you want to make a movie, let's make one in our backyards. Let's cast every one of our friends and let's just do it. If you're afraid of being alone, same. Let's play poker five nights a week. We can create a whole thing. But that day I didn't make that effort. And you're like, oh, that's now 50 years.

[A]

Okay. Now I don't question that you couldn't have executed that game plan. Plan. I question how much a fellow know it all, could have taken it all in and adjusted given. Even if he loved you and respected you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I think it's very parallel to like addiction. There's no speech you can't give one of us.

[B]

You can't.

[A]

You're on that run. It's like no one's going to call.

[C]

So I hear you. I've gone pretty deep. So I think there is a narrative about mental health and suicide that helps those who are alive to anybody who's listening, who's lost somebody. I'm not talking about talking about you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I'm not saying you did anything wrong. I don't know your story. I just know Jeff. Even if I just said, fuck your two o' clock hike, weirdo, let's get lunch. And we just talked. We would have challenged each other, talked a little shit and we could have come up with a three month window because I don't think it was inevitable. I think he got caught in a moment. The moment happened, the night happened. He thought, this is a winning move. This is my best play right now. No. And part of one of his final message was, I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy, but you guys will build up better. And I have. And so that's why he's in the prayers where I'm like, oh, I'm going to honor your life, man. But I think we could have done this with you here. And so I just think if we had the type of male friendship, which we did not, I would never tell you him, I'm having mental problems. He would go, what's going on? Why are you talking so slow? And I'd go, because you're talking fast. I wouldn't say, because I'm dissociating, man. Right, right. Because we were always jabbing. But what I knew is if I said to him, jeff, I love you and I'm not feeling great, he'd go, I got you. But I'm like, we don't have to say that because we know that maybe you have to say, got to say. And I'm like.

So I know if in that moment I said to him, him, yeah, you having anxiety the first time. Welcome to the fucking world.

[A]

Yeah, right, right.

[C]

Oh, you're feeling dark. Yeah.

[B]

But I think it requires the person themselves. Like you said. If you went to him and said, I'm low, it requires someone saying, I need help.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And him to have been aware of on that hike, that suicide was on the table, which might not even have been fully conscious.

[C]

But there's also people you find that you sync with. I only find people if we're Legos, we can connect. If it doesn't connect, I don't want to force it. I'm going to wear you out. I'm going to say something that's going to up your process. I'm going to make a joke that didn't translate. I'm too old for it. I've already burned too many little things. But if I fit with a Lego, we're never not going to fit. You might go, oh my God, shut the up. But I'm not sensitive to that. And I could say to you, shut the up. But yeah, the Jeff thing was a nightmare. That's been the reason for the hikes.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. The podcast, we're here to help. You're in year four, three, end of.

[C]

Two, doing about three a week now, so we got about 250 episodes.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah, we're having a lot of fun.

[A]

You're releasing three week.

[C]

Yeah, I've gotten totally ADHD addicted to it. I love it. I love how the game shifts. I love that there's not a studio or a network so we can keep changing it. I like that the show's evolving. I like that there can be experiments. We're a call in show of the.

[A]

Many topics you guys have wandered into have there been any that have burbled up in 250 where you're like, oh, God, we're accidentally in a very serious.

[C]

Yes, one's happening right now.

[A]

It is. Tell me.

[C]

And it's what I love about the show. So the show has is it's really connected audience. It's not huge, but it's the same people every week. And you realize, oh, you're just performing for them. And then you're like, you're not even performing. You're just talking. And then they all comment, they all email. You're like, it's the same.

[A]

But that's comforting.

[C]

It's fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's with my buddies. And so a woman called in, and the end result, something about her husband eats too much popcorn in bed. We like stupid premises.

[A]

And how many days a week was he eating popcorn in bed?

[C]

All the time.

[A]

Every night, all the time.

[C]

This guy's eating way too much fucking popcorn.

[A]

So much popcorn.

[B]

I don't think it's good for your.

[C]

Digestion now in kernels at everywhere teeth. The turn of it became he had a brain tumor. And then the last her was he's on dialysis and he needs a kidney transplant in March.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

So while we were on in the Moment, I go, well, hell, if anybody from the community wants to donate a kidney, we can make a whole game of it. And we can do, like, we do a version right now that Rob and Natalie created called, like, a friendship game, where people called in, they needed friends, friends. So we, like, set people up on dates.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[C]

And then we follow up with it. And we've had over four people write in saying, I legitimately will donate my kidney. And so now we're starting to go, well, if we can really bring a kidney to this guy, maybe we could do a live show near the hospital, donate some money.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Let's connect this.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

It's just zooms in our girl with, like, my buddy Garrett. But I'm like, it's entering a world where everybody knows the bits of the show, so they're all bits. But this is the first one in a while where I'm like, this is what I'm most excited. If we can get a kidney transplant and it could work, somebody's happy to give it, and this guy's happy to do it. And it's because of our goofy little podcast.

[A]

Did you say brain cancer, though?

[C]

He had a brain tumor or something.

[A]

Okay. But he's beaten that.

[C]

Yes. I guess in March, when he's done with the cancer treatment. He can get the kidney transplant.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. Okay.

[C]

And so now people email in. I check the email. So I just forward to this woman with Whitney, which is the wife of the guy. And I said, this is real life. You vet.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Right.

[C]

When you like somebody, bring them on the show. But we're not vetting.

[A]

Right. We want no part of your vetted.

[C]

For me, with the way my brain works, I can lay in bed and go like, oh, the last guy seemed like a pretty good option for a kid.

And it's fun as hell.

[A]

Are you looking at them or just hearing them?

[C]

No, just hearing. We tried looking. It changes it. They were different. It was more of like, whoa, this is fun.

[B]

They were on in a different.

[C]

They were on. There was a show that done in New York. There was a this American Life about it, where a guy just left an anonymous number and said, leave messages with your problems.

[A]

People admitted to, like, killing people and stuff. Yeah.

[C]

I think when you see someone's face, they're not as honest.

[A]

We're in an interesting one where we look at all the callers and they look at you. Yeah.

[B]

But nobody else sees them. It's not like it's on video. Right.

[C]

But you guys see each other.

[A]

Each other. And what I realize in that is the audience won't see them because it's anonymous. But I'm realizing, God, so much of this story is about what you're seeing, how they look. It becomes really clear how much of a story has to do with the person involved in it. And that has a lot to do with what they just look like.

[C]

Totally.

[A]

Right. What thoughts do you have about that?

[B]

I think we gain a lot from seeing the person and from reading their emotions. Our show's different. It can get wild, but it's not meant to be, like, super jokey or anything. It is sincere.

[C]

I think the sincere thing is a really great distinction because ours is. You need to be sincere, but we are looking for laughs. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

I'm jealous of your structure.

[C]

I don't want to offer real advice. A lot of the times I'm like, I don't know. But if you are okay with the premise being if you went to a bar and you had two drunkards uncles, they might give bad advice, but it might lead you there. If a caller is a little bit nervous and a little bit slow, it's our job to now steamroll a little bit and our audience could get annoyed with us and go like, stop with the steamrolling. It's like, I understand, but I'm also producing the show. Each call's 25 minutes. We gotta find some levity and some lightness. So that's why the kidney one is so fun, because it was a really fun caller. She's really funny.

[A]

Yeah. Starts so a name.

[B]

Popcorn and Babe.

[C]

But also she's really funny because she'll be like, enough with the popcorn. And then we find out we're like, got brain cancer.

[A]

What are you nuts? Well, I was going to say, I'm shocked that people. I'm happy people volunteered to donate their kidney because if you start off by saying, like, if you keep this guy alive, he's going to drive this woman crazy with all the popcorn eating. I was like, I don't know what the ethical thing to do is here.

[C]

But what I love about podcasts, and I don't know if you guys love the same part of it, but the audience gets to know your podcast personality and who you are on the show. And there's parts of it they like, and there's parts you don't like, and the callers get annoyed with you. I love when somebody calls on our show and we pitch and they don't like it, or they go like. They're like, don't do that right now. Don't do that thing you do. It makes it feel like we're old friends. It's like a weird cousin. I do a thing that whoever I'm talking to, I do kind of side with them. So if somebody calls in, they go, I'm bringing my husband on. But you can't side with him. The premise is you're on our side. I'm like, I agree with you right now. Once that other guy starts talking.

[A]

Compelling.

[C]

I got a squirrel's brain, man. I'm over there. So to have somebody then be legitimate. Being like, this sucks, Jake. I wouldn't have called in. I'm like, you're mad at me. Like, we know each other. You just called in, and that feels really joyful.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It'll finish connection. I'll hit the little zoom, and then Gareth and I will text. We'll both be like, it's still fun.

[B]

It's very, very.

[C]

You're like, it's still there.

[A]

Yeah. I'm a little jealous that you have that lane you can occupy, because I even think that's one part of Stern I love, is just occasionally he's got the call and he's like, you're terrible. Yes. What are you. What phone are you on? Are you in the link? It's like, berating this. That's enough. Or I want to get off this call.

[C]

I know my audience is bored.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That scene is kind of.

[C]

It's copied from him because I did always like where he would go like, what are you talking about?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And you'd be like, he's a dick. But I love his whole group. But he's too mean. But I also was bored.

[A]

Uh huh. Yes. He's doing the dirty work.

[C]

It was getting a little bit boring. So I do like that element of it. But what we can't do that you guys can do is when ours gets to sincere and there is something you're like, we gotta still make it light. If we do the kidney thing, there can't be an emotional moment. What it has to then be. It'll be a version of like the Dating Game. Our friend Steve Berg will be our Chuck Worley where he'll be like, Jesus Christ, who's the number one contestant? And it'll be silly and ridiculous and the sweetness will come after when we're alone where we'll go like, geez, this is really heavy. But we'll never present that out. That comes later when we're alone. It's the same thing with like the Jack Jeff stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Our show isn't saying this community means a lot. This is really fun. This is a great connection. We go like, check out how funny that guy's armpit smell.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I'm like, I like that zone.

[A]

But some of the topics are really funny. Like the HOA tyrant episode. Someone calling about a HOA president issuing fines and rules. You stumble into all these grievances people have.

[C]

I love it. There's one right now that made me think of that. I don't know if it's that one, but there was a woman who. They were doing construction across the street on a new building. And from her window she could see right into the bathroom. And they had frosted the top but not the bottom so she could watch the construction workers take shits.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

And she's like, I have to tell them because people buying it think it's frosted, but I can see them go to the bathroom. And so then we had her go with her phone and record on a voice note talking to the builders.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

You have these guys in the background being like, no way you can see us.

[A]

They've all jerked off too. Right? You're taking a at work. You're definitely jerking off.

Have you ever had a terrible job? That's your only ray of song do.

[C]

You take a dump and jerk off.

[A]

At the same time? You take a dump and then you're there and you're nude and you start thinking and you don't want to go back to your. From the. What are you, a four year old boy? Yeah. Well, if the situation calls for.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

It's honest sometimes I'll get.

[C]

I don't think so.

[A]

You didn't jerk off at work with shitty jobs back when you were a kid.

[C]

I don't think so.

[A]

Oh my God. First of all, I couldn't go through a whole day without jerking off. In my late teens, I worked at this place that built race cars and it was all like 35 year old mechanics. They were disgusting. When I was 15 and I was so nervous, but they had a stack of smokers in the toilet. I look forward to going to work so I could go sit in that bathroom. Look at the really terrible dirty magazine.

[B]

Magazine. Everyone's touched that.

[A]

I know, but you just different. You wait till you're done to think about that.

[C]

Free Internet was another world.

[A]

Yeah. You just needed another word. You needed a nice magazine. Wow. So you weren't doing a lot of that.

[C]

I don't remember if I was. No, I'm sure I have.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But it's not one of the things that's front of mind.

[B]

Not sticking out.

[C]

It's not sticking out.

[A]

Okay, I do want to know about the dink because when does it come out and how did it come about? Because it's. You and Stiller are producing.

[C]

Yeah. So it's coming out end of spring I on Apple and that came about. Do you know Sean Clements, the writer at all?

[A]

No.

[B]

He's a UCB guy.

[C]

He's a UCB guy. So funny. We did a show years ago called Alan Gregory that Jonah Hill was on, that Sean was a writer and I was doing bits on it and he and I just partnered up. So we do the occasional once every like six month lunch. It was a few years back and he said, what are you working on? I was like, nothing, I'm just doing the podcast. I don't know if I want to work.

[A]

I don't work anymore.

[C]

I was like, I kind of don't work anymore. And then he goes, what would you want to work on? And this was pre Trump coming back into office. I go, I know things are going to get really crazy at the election and the country's going to get really ugly. I want to make something that's big and ridiculous and fun with big comedic set pieces. I Was like, I just want to be on a set where it's funny again. I don't want to do anything that's teaching anybody anything. I don't want any message. I don't want anyone to try to learn anything. And then he's like, do you play pickleball? And I'm like, no.

[A]

Except for Father's Day 2023.

[C]

Loved that, by the way.

[A]

Loved volleyball 2024.

[C]

Maybe the volleyball one. I've thought about about too.

[A]

Father's Day sports, you remember, is a wall to wall sports tournament.

[C]

You ever watch Physical Asia?

[A]

I watched physical 100. I know Asia's now out and I haven't seen it, but I've watched the.

[C]

Previous season when you said the volleyball and the pickle ball. I was thinking your Father's Day was just physical, physical, physical.

[A]

Yeah, there should have been a hang.

[B]

It's like field day all over.

[C]

It's really fun.

[A]

Ana masseuse.

[C]

Yes. But he said, we got a big fun movie ahead idea. Then sent it to Stiller. Stiller is in it, produces it. Got to do two person scenes with him where we got to improvise.

[A]

Tell me about that.

[C]

One of the funniest guys I've ever done a scene with. It was so fun being in the scenes with him because you forget.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[C]

I got into this because I really like bits, I like laughs, I like really funny people. He was doing an improv that didn't make the movie. He was talking about like money and he was improvising. I was saying he went to a prostitute or something and he was trying to break down what is prostitution. And I'm not gonna try to redo bit, but watching him find the bit, I was just in the scene with him asking him questions. I started laughing so hard and I just was like, oh, yeah, there's a reason he became Ben Stiller. It's cuz he's so funny. And then watching him, he reminded me comedically of my buddy Bill Bungaroth when my buddy Billy does bits. And I was like, oh, there's a time Ben stiller was like 14 and funny. Yeah, you're like, it's the same rhythm. Like his whole bit was, oh, wait, I give you this paper that's green and you do a sex act. And then he was in a be like, well, yeah, if you're paying for sex. And he's like, by this. And he just fully committed to this. It was so stupid. But I was like, holy, there's a reason he's him.

[B]

Yeah, we take it for granted.

[A]

Take it for granted.

[C]

And then you watch enough stuff, there's now so many options that you'll be like, yeah, I've seen him a bunch.

[B]

Right.

[C]

But being face to, I'm sure you guys get this here.

[B]

Anthony Hopkins we just had on in the middle, you're like, oh, yeah. What you're just doing. And we're like, oh, my God, it's madness. Yeah.

[C]

And that goes back to what I still really like about it that I missed, where you get to go like, oh, you're so good at this. And even someone like Dakota, it worked out she had liked Joe's movies. As we were putting the movie together, I didn't have a lot of thoughts. She's great. I know. I'm a fan. When it's in between action and cut and you go like, all right. That's why at 6, you got cast with Denzel.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

It's not by chance, right?

[A]

Okay, my last question for you, because we've had you now several times, and I'm aware of it, and I had some interest in it, but now I have an entire fairly new interest in it. Because this summer, the family, we did Tom Cruise's cruises is what we called it. So the whole summer we were only allowed to watch Tom Cruise movies at night. And we were all in Nashville together for two months. So that's fun. We watched every mission possible, all eight.

[C]

How are they?

[A]

They're phenomenal. They're impossibly good. Yeah, I bet you're like, oh, my God, they're way better than I remember. And I remember they were great. And he is so good.

[C]

Best movie star in the time. The best.

[A]

There is a sequence in one of the mis, maybe four or five, and it's Philip Seymour Hoffman talking to Tom, and he's Ethan Hunt, and he's cuffed to a chair. And Philip Seymour Hoffman is counting down to 10. And at 10, he's going to kill his fiance. So it's a real time countdown in 10 seconds. Basically 10. Not, you know, Phil Cruz is giving you fucking explosive anger. Then pleading, except acceptance. Then fawning, then a snap. It's not gonna work. Back to aggression. And then the solo tear coming out at the end at 10. And I'm like, no actor has ever given us the whole range of human emotions in 10 seconds.

[C]

He's the best.

[A]

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[B]

Yes. I was literally just thinking about how much I love mine. I think I've worn them every night since we got them.

[A]

Oh yeah, I barely was able to get out of mine to come in today. So I've always been that guy who just sleeps in whatever random T shirt, you know, old shorts. These skims jammies, first of all, they're in the pattern I love. They're in the checkered red and black.

[B]

Yes.

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And then the fabric is just snuggling me all night long.

[B]

It's such a good product. And also for the women's ones, the one I have is so cute. I like after my shower, my routine to get into a cute pair of pajamas. And I feel like my my sleep is improved when I'm wearing cute pajamas. You eventize it. That's right.

[A]

And honestly, I feel more put together wearing matching pajamas instead of my usual mismatch situation.

[B]

The timing couldn't be better either because it's holiday season and honestly, these would make incred gifts. They have options for women, men, kids and even pets. That's so cute. Who doesn't want to feel this comfortable?

[A]

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[A]

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I was just obsessed with them after the summer and I'd be talking about them non stop as I do. And Adam Scott, I thought made the best point when I was talking to him about Tom Cruise and he said I think Tom's unique. Neat gif is he's not acting for him for like what his character would do. He's not acting for the director. He more than anybody is acting for the audience.

[C]

He's 100% right. The international audience.

[A]

Yeah. So with that theory on the table, which I feel like he's right about, what is it like being in scenes with him? And can you feel that is it. Disorienting, positive.

[C]

Here's my story of it. And he would not like that I was telling this, not for any other reason, because he didn't want to do this, because he thought it was disrespectful. But I begged him to because I didn't. So when you work with him, he does have it all figured out in his head. He knows exactly how it's supposed to go and how it's going to be received and how we could get there. And so we would do scenes together. And for me, it was like, wow, I get to connect to the invisible with you, man. Like, I get to mix it up. But I could tell for him, he was a little bit like, it's great. It's great. And we were working out. One morning, there was a big scene where me and him are going through some tunnel. I never read the whole script.

[B]

Sorry, can I. What movie?

[C]

It was called the Mummy. Thank you. So I've never seen the movie, and I never read the script because they never had one for me.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[C]

So my job on that was I would get pages and they would go, we need you Tuesday and Wednesday.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I would memorize those pages and I'd be like, why do I need to be there at 5? And they're like, because you're getting a prosthetic. And I'd go, why would I have a prosthetic? And they're like, because you're dead and coming back to life. And I'd go like, okay, good to know.

[A]

Okay. So I guess the 5am call does make sense this morning, but.

[C]

So I knew we had a big scene and he loved Loves Oners. We did all of our stunts. He wants everything in two shots together. So I knew how he wanted it. I knew he wanted it like this. We're gonna have to do a big walk and talk, turn a corner, stop, and go. And I was like, I know my pace is slow, and if I'm giving my instincts, I'm looking for stuff. I'm looking at the set. Shiny objects, man. This raccoon looks. So if we're in a scene and we're going and I see something, I'm gonna go, right? He doesn't want my head to do that because then the audience is gonna go, what's that?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

So I said to him, started this big day, and we had become friends by this point. So there was a lot of trust. We worked out all the time together. We flew to Africa, just me, him and Annabelle Wallace in his plane at his house, working out a lot of time. We buddied up. Tons of bits, tons of jokes.

[A]

He's funny.

[C]

He's funny. On his plane. We said, let's watch a movie. And Annabelle Wallace goes, got any good Tom Cruise movies? He went through his library and goes, like, you like a romantic comedy? And then would pitch. He gets the jokes.

[B]

Oh, that's fantastic.

[C]

Super funny. He gets the jokes.

[A]

What, do you want to fall in love with me or be scared of me?

[C]

He'd go, like, do you like military stuff? And we'd be like, yeah, pitch three of them. And then you really realize this man's done everything. But we are in the workout trailer. And I was like, I know this scene's gonna get hard. Cause we're gonna do, like, seven takes. And then he's gonna, out of respect, talk to the director. Then the director's gonna play telephone, try to explain to me, and I'm not gonna fully get it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

So I said, hey, man, can we just do something? That's insane. Cause it was just me and him and the trainer. I go, can you do the scene in here as both of our characters? And he goes, no. And I go, please. And he goes, no, because that's disrespectful. I want you to trust you. And I go, I'm working with you. It's a different thing. I'm here only because of you. Not one part of me feels sensitive. And he was like, I don't feel comfortable doing it. And I was like, I'm begging to see it. Yeah. I was like, even if it's terrible and it's comedic, I'm just begging to see it. And he, in the trailer, did both.

[A]

Okay, and what did you learn in that?

[C]

The pace for me, was really, really fast. Really on it. It was movement, movement. And I was like, oh, I never would have gotten there on my own. And when the director said, why don't we speed it up? Those kind of directions mean nothing to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I'd be like, speed what up? But when I heard him do it, I could just have him in my.

[A]

Head as the tempo.

[C]

And then once I was doing, at the rhythm of which his head, then he would go, like, we're getting there. So what Adam said, which is right, was he would say to me, at times, you add extra words to jokes, which are very funny for English speakers. It won't translate. So he's like, you can't improvise that. And he goes, you're thinking about America. We gotta think international. For a movie like this, nobody, when they dub over your voice is gonna do that, but they have to add those words, and it's gonna screw it up.

[B]

Oh, wow. Wow.

[A]

Fascinating.

[C]

And then he goes. And also, when you get improvised, sometimes you talk really fast in little moments. Gotta slow it down. People won't understand you.

[A]

It's like Cirque du Soleil. I watched a segment on 60 Minutes about Cirque du Soleil. It was, you know, his most successful thing in Vegas. Billions of dollars. And it was all because more than half the people that come to Vegas don't speak English. And it's the one show you can go to and you don't need to know anything. I was like, oh, yeah, someone's thinking about that.

[C]

The other thing about him that is kind of different than what you and I are talking about now, but in 2017 exploded my brain. He knows every single lens and how you're supposed to act for each lens and expects you to also.

[A]

That makes sense.

[C]

So we would be there, and then he. He would go like, we're in a tight.

[A]

And I was like, basically, knock it down a bit.

[C]

Yes. I'm doing facial expressions for a wide shot. We're tight. You don't have to go like this. That looks insane. It's unusable. Go like this. And I was like, oh, I hadn't thought of that. My whole garage gym is based off how his Is he set to gym a certain way?

[A]

He does.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So I guess what I would be fascinated with watching him work. Were you at all clocking? Because obviously he's a control freak on a level we can't even understand because all of his works and the directors come and go and writers come and go.

[C]

I think besides the mummy, I think that was the only one that did.

[A]

It was huge.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We started watching. It was too scary. That was one of the only ones that didn't make Tom Cruises. Cruises. I'll hit you with also. We think he needs his own theme park. Tom Cruises. Cruises. Because he has enough movies.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

To have a full. Great theme park.

[C]

Has he not done this?

[A]

He hasn't. I've been begging.

[C]

I can connect you with his assistant because she just contacted me. He does the annual Christmas cake.

[A]

What's that?

[C]

Every holiday, he sends everybody a Christmas.

[A]

Cake that he's ever worked with.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's like a coconut cake. I've heard about this coconut cake.

[C]

So I don't know. I just got a text after the movie. Is this your address? Delicious. Cake. But this fucking dude does the. Doesn't eat junk food. When we were working out one day we did one of these, like, marathon sessions. We were living in London at the time, and right where we were staying was a pub. And I was going to get the cider and then I was going to get some fries. All I was thinking about working out is when I get home, I'm a shower up, take the kids there, they'll play in that little green area getting chips. I'm going to have two ciders. And then I go, what are you thinking about when you get home? What are you excited about? And he was like, yeah, I'm excited about this. I was like, yeah, me too. But like, like, what's the reward? Is it chocolate? Is it for fries? What is it? And he goes, never. And I go like, okay, you're so disciplined. And I kind of rolled my eyes. And I go, why? And he goes, well, I just see it differently than you. He's like, I'm a Ferrari. Why would I ever put bad gasoline in it? And I went like, that's a really cool way of looking at it. I don't see it that way. But I was like, but it's cool.

[A]

It's cool.

[B]

It's working for him.

[C]

But that guy sends cakes, he's trying.

[A]

To sandbag his competition.

[C]

Or he's going, it'd be really nice to eat one of these.

[A]

Yeah, 1,000 of them.

[B]

He also knows, he's specific. I think he knows that I'm different from other people. Other people like cake. I don't. What is the answer should have been?

[A]

And what I would believe more is it's easier to never than to sometimes. Yeah, he's probably a very addictive person.

[C]

I'm going to tell another story.

[A]

Yes, please.

[C]

Because I don't think it's that.

[A]

Okay, great.

[C]

I actually think it's the race car thing. And I hope this one's not talking out of school.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So There was a CrossFit trainer who was there with us. She was great. And there was a day where you would get to his gym. He always has a dry erase board with a message for the day. Your mantra, God, he's on it. And then what the workout is. It was an amrap, as many rounds as possible, but it was a hard.

[A]

Well, that's the acronym for it.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I feel like I should know that for how often I work out.

[C]

I think it's a CrossFit thing.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But it's as many rounds as possible in a timed Thing.

[A]

Gotcha.

[C]

Which is a different type of workout. Cuz what you could also do there, we would do three rounds. So sometimes you would go and it'd be a whole circuit and it'd be like five rounds. You'd be like, oh. Or it'd be like three rounds. You'd be like, amrap means you sprint through it.

[A]

You're dead. Yeah, you're gonna die.

[C]

You just literally sprint through it. But the workout was a weird amrap. There was really heavy weights. There was just a lot of stuff that you're like, that's a really hard Amrap.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And for me, because you know when you work out with somebody, in a sense, small space, you have to be at the same pace because they can't.

[A]

Wait for you switching off.

[C]

And he's number one. So if he's there. Yeah, he's not waiting. It's his pace all the time.

[A]

Everywhere you go.

[C]

Everywhere you go.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

But I was like, I hate this because he's also so respectful. Finish your a. I don't want to finish my.

[A]

You do it just. You go, I make up for only.

[C]

Here because of you. But. So he goes, I don't know if this is an amrap. This should be just a circuit. And the trainer, rather than saying, okay, okay, goes, well, it's an amrap. And then she goes.

[A]

Monica just lost.

[C]

But she didn't not mean. But she. It's just going to be an amrap. And she goes, but it's a hard one. So just think about your pace a little bit. You don't have to go insane. I took that as like, Great, let's go 70%. Tom goes, well, it's an AMRAP. Do you want three rounds or do you want an amrap? And she goes, well, I've scheduled an amrap, but don't kill yourself. The thing thing starts. Dude kills himself. Oh my God, he's going so hard. I'm going so hard. I'm looking the trainer in the. There was two guys, a physio guy, Pete, and then the main trainer. But I'm looking at Pete during it.

[A]

While I'm going, I'm like, somebody stop us. Yeah, help.

[C]

This isn't working. Yeah, stop it.

[A]

We're not going to be on set tomorrow because of this.

[C]

I can't do this. We're going then like weird burpees. I'm like, oh my God. And you just have to dissociate. And then at a certain point, with about five, five minutes left, we were dead. And he got pissed and he was like, it's too hard. It's not an amrap. And he let it out.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Good. Everything he was saying, I agreed with.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

When the timer went off at the end of the thing, he goes, sorry, I shouldn't have yelled, but that's not an amrap. And then he goes, I'm a racehorse. If you say amrap, I have to go as many rounds as possible, and it's too, too hard. And she goes, it was really actually three rounds he left. And I was like.

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I actually think for him, he's like, I'm a racehorse. If you say sprint, I have to sprint. Why would I put a French fry in my body? It's not. It will make me eat more. I won't run as fast.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Did you didn't have to run with him at all. You did?

[C]

Well, I don't know if I sprinted.

[A]

With him or I did the sprint, certainly off screen. But you didn't have any scenes where you.

[C]

Yes. Watch the first 20 minutes of the movie.

[A]

You had to keep up with him so hard. He runs so fast.

[C]

Dax. We had to run across a full thing they built in Africa to look like the Middle East. It was a U of A town. It's a true story. I get there, the first shot, they go, we have a camera down here. And he goes, we got to be in a two shots. You have to keep up with me. So we have to run like this as things are exploding. I don't. I don't see any nets. So I think, because he also does a lot of jokes. So I was like, here they go. Everybody's teasing the goofball. And it was like, all these South African stunt guys, everyone's so cool. I was the guy they would tease, but there was no nets or wires. I said to the stunt guy, I was like, dude, we're going to shoot like this? And he was like, yeah, mate. And then I go to Tom before. And I go, like, wait, we're really going to shoot like this? And he goes, yeah. And I go, well, what happens if we fall? And he goes, well, don't fall.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Then they call action. And that animal sprints.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So you sprint with.

[A]

Was his pace outrageous?

[C]

Yeah, everything he does. His pace at Life was at 100. He would get there early. He would look tired. I'd be like, how'd you sleep? He'd be like, I was editing. I was like, which one? Another one. We're writing another one. I'D be like, you're outrageous. Yeah.

[B]

He's all or nothing. And he's all.

[C]

And he's always all.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

God, I admire him. What a gift. He's the best.

[C]

Number one in the whole world.

[A]

Well, Jake, I adore you.

[B]

Thanks for coming.

[A]

This was so great to see you. I'm so glad. I want everyone to listen to. We're Here here to help. And then I want everyone to keep their eyes peeled for the Dink Spring on Apple Plus.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the Dakota, Joe Swanberg.

[C]

We have a new movie coming out. We're going to do the festival circuit that'll come out. And then there's a new show on Apple.

[A]

What's the new show?

[C]

The Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed. That's with Tatiana. Jesse. That's the one I've been doing in New York.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And that's been really fun.

[A]

Yeah. I just like you. I wish I could tell you in a stronger way. You know, you feel it, right? We should hold hands. One of the hikes.

[C]

Nope.

But I'm back on Sunday and I'm here all December if you want to get some hikes in.

[A]

Yes, I do. I do. I do.

[C]

I'll reach out.

[A]

All right. I love you.

[C]

Love you, too. Bye.

[A]

All right, see you soon.

I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong. Okay. Something here huge happened that I doubt, you know, happened, and I. I didn't notice it had happened. Okay. Commenters called it out. And then I had to go back. Just now you walked into my house.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you overheard me listening to our show.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which in any other circumstance is very embarrassing.

[B]

Y.

[A]

Right. Like, what if a friend popped by? Like, knock, knock, knock. You're like, yeah, hold on. And you had it really playing loud so you could hear it in the shower. Wouldn't you be so humiliated?

[B]

You know, it's funny you bring this up because I have a post maybe forthcoming or might be out by the time that this comes out for a brand. Yeah. And I use that as a joke.

[A]

Oh, you do?

[B]

Me listening to my own show.

[A]

Oh, that's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you used it as a joke because it's embarrassing.

[B]

It's embarrassing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is interesting, isn't it? Well, like, in some way, I could say if a musician listened to their own song, duh. Like they wrote the song, they. That's their idea of what a beautiful sound to their ears is. They made it. Why wouldn't they want to hear it just because they made it. Well, like, it's kind of like when I've been a little embarrassed laughing at my own jokes at, like, a movie premiere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then I go, like, well, I made the joke I thought was funniest on that day. That's something I think is really funny, which is why I said it.

[B]

Okay, look, I think that's very pure.

[A]

I'm feeling very defensive as someone who laughs at their own jokes and listens to their own show.

[B]

Occasionally, most people have a hard time.

[A]

Egomaniacs.

[B]

I'm just gonna say most people.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Most people have a hard time listening back to their own voice. Or also, they critic. Like, it'd be hard for a lot of people to hear their song that they wrote and not be like, oh, don't like that.

[A]

Yeah, sure, sure. But let's say, like, you're Van Go. You do that field of wheat. That was.

[B]

I cover my ear.

[A]

You covered your ear. That's good. You're getting into character. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're getting into character, which is what I asked.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So you're Van Gogh, and you dreamt up the most beautiful image of this wheat field.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then you actually got that image from your head onto the canvas the exact way you imagined this fantasy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of course you'd want to stare at it. You were inspired by it. It was the image that you most wanted to see, and then you've created it. So, like, why won't you. You look at it?

[B]

I mean, I agree with you in.

[A]

Theory, for the painter. Yeah. You almost gotta go artist by artist.

[B]

Well, no, I. Like, if the artist did not. Like, if the artist also was just staring and not unable to look away. Like, I would be like, that's like.

[A]

Getting caught in your own reflection. There's some myth about that.

[B]

We're not good at parables. I think it. Maybe it speaks to pure art, where you're not doing it for other people, you're doing it for. For yourself. So that's the nicest way to look at it.

[A]

Yeah. Like, how about this?

[C]

You.

[A]

Here are your two binary options. The artists had this beautiful image in their head. They got it out, and they just love looking at it because it's this thing they dreamt up, and it's so pleasing and comforting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Versus what they really love to do is stand in the gallery and watch people look at the painting and then get this inflated sense of ego that they're impressed by you. Like, that's weirdly worse.

[B]

Well, I just think most and maybe this is not true at all. But in my head, most people who create, I might be projecting, are like, perfectionists.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Maybe that's not true.

[A]

I think it's whatever. Normal layout distribution.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of all personalities.

[B]

I've just never, ever done anything where I think it's perfect in my entire life. So if I'm listening back or looking back or reading back or something, I. I only see the things that could be better.

[A]

So I see that. And that's kind of my internal argument of why I do it, because, look, I feel guilty. Well, there's a couple things that happen where I'll listen to the show. A is like, we have a guest I'm genuinely interested in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I was quite busy trying to conduct this interview. And as much as I'm hearing them, I'm not experiencing them as I would as an audience member.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I want to. It's like, I love David Letterman. I'll listen to any podcast he'd ever be on.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I do want to now listen to him and just ignore that I'm there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's one motivation that'll take me there.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then my other defense is, we need downloads. I've certainly gotten better because I listen to the show.

[B]

Well, that I think is great. I think it's very smart for you to listen.

I do listen.

[A]

You do listen.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You have to listen. And maybe that's also. You know, this is one of those things. It's like. It's like, did the job make you who you are, or are you good at the job because of who you were to begin with?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm so critical.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I. But I have to be.

[A]

I was gonna say you're entering at a phase of the process that being critical is required.

[B]

It's required. It's, like, so nitpicky.

[A]

But you rarely will ever listen to it after.

[B]

I mean, you just can't get through it. Well.

But again, like, sometimes I will have to for a certain reason or something. Or like, oh, we have to go back and I have to make another edit in here. And then I am like, oh, no, I want to make another edit here. I want. I can't do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not. It's not. And it's. Look, I don't have time. I'm on to the next edit. I don't know. I can't keep it moving. Anyway.

[C]

What happened?

[B]

What did we get?

[A]

That was a lot of. That was a long walk for the listener. I apologize. You sang. Yeah, I, I. You Clocked that. Yeah, I clocked it.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Eight years I've been asking you to sing on here. You have refused. And the good Lord intervened for Christmas. The Lord intervened.

[B]

Wait.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

You sang I am a C. I am a C. Okay. And you sang it. Bonnie and I, that's. I went back and I listened today because I saw so many comments. I'm like, she did sing, didn't she? Or when did she sing?

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

And then I listen, and it's so pretty. You do a great job singing that song. Incorrectly spelling Christian A I n.

Listen.

[B]

I, I, I don't want people to think that's how I sound singing. That was.

[A]

They should. It sounded beautiful.

[B]

Well, that's really nice.

[A]

Do you want to hear it?

[B]

No, I, I do not. And I.

[A]

You didn't even know that happened.

[B]

We didn't. Better than that.

[A]

We didn't know that happened.

[B]

We didn't even know because I don't think. That wasn't singing. That was me putting. That was doing a half. That was just a rhythm.

[A]

You could ask a 7 year old what just happened. If you played the clip and they go, oh, that girl sang. Like, even a child would know you sang.

[B]

Oh, yeah. This is interesting because now I feel like now I need people to know what my voice really sounds like.

[A]

Better. Why don't you work on a song for the next few weeks.

[B]

No.

[A]

And then come in and sing the hell out of it.

[B]

No.

[A]

Is there a song you sing in your real life along to the radio that you think you. Now I think you know what mine is. Billy Joel. For whatever reason, I think I can match him note for note. I mean, I'm smart enough to know that's not happening, but I feel in my body, I'm like, oh, yeah. He and I have the exact same range.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I do.

[A]

Captain Jack will get you high tonight. That wasn't. I didn't pick my ideal moment.

[B]

You haven't.

[A]

I got to hear it.

[B]

You got to. Yeah. Okay. So I do. This is so egotistical.

[A]

Great.

[B]

I. Taylor, this is like. This is like when Kristen thinks she can play all the Olympic sports.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[B]

This is like that, where I kind.

[A]

Of feel like you could be most pop stars.

[B]

No. It's only when I'm singing along. I cannot do it if I'm just on my own singing. I get way too self conscious.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But if I am, a song's playing in the car.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I feel I'm pretty Really, really good. Really good.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Don't say pretty good because I know you've. Because again, I objectively your voice. Singing voice, is really truly 10x of what mine is. I'm sure, like if a computer analyzed it. And I'm telling you that I think I sing Billy Joel like 88% as good as him when I'm in the.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you probably feel like you might even sound better if you're being really honest with the audience.

[B]

Oh my God, I could be a superstar.

[A]

What am I doing in this stupid car?

[B]

Sometimes I'll get. I'll get a little validation.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

From. Who do you sing in front of?

[B]

Well, I'm in the car with Jess a lot.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

And every now and then, and I get. I think I feel comforted because I don't think anyone can. Can hear me. Because you can really only hear the radio.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or the whatever. Spotify. Whatever it is, Whatever's playing. And I think no one can hear me but me.

[A]

But really, even passengers in the car.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That's a crazy thought.

[B]

I guess I think because it's matched so perfectly.

[A]

Oh, right. That's imperceptible. Yeah. You just like, oh, there's a. There's this fifth speaker in the car.

[B]

Yeah. And every now and then Jess will.

[A]

Tell you you did a nice job.

[B]

He's just, just like, he's like mad that it's so good.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Good.

[C]

That's a.

[A]

That's the real compliment if you make him mad.

[B]

And one time I was at a bar in Palm Springs, a gay bar that plays musical theater. It's Erica's favorite bar. So sometimes on 4th of July we'll go as a pot, as the group, and. And it's so loud in there. Same situation. It's. No one could possibly hear me singing. And I guess that's not true because Ryan was like, oh my God, you can sing.

[A]

Wait, you were just singing sitting at the bar or you went on stage.

[B]

Playing musical theater so loud on all.

[A]

The TVs and you just start singing along.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cuz it's.

[B]

Everybody's singing. It's just like loud. And that's the point of the party.

[A]

Thank you. It's a sing along.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I thought you were just at the bar. No, this on tv, some musical theater's playing and you're like, no, Oklahoma, Whatever. The theme song is Oklahoma. Give me an okay. Oklahoma.

[B]

Any who. So I got a compliment there and I felt good about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And yeah, but if not, trust Ryan.

[A]

And I know he listens, but I. I don't mind that he hears this. Do you ever not trust Ryan? Cuz he's so nice and he's so kind. You do?

[B]

Yeah, I.

[A]

He'll say nice things to me and I'm like, God, I want to believe that so bad. But you're so n. Nice. I don't know if I can trust that. But your nose is so small.

[B]

Each compliment's individual.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just be aware of it. Clock it.

[B]

No, I don't want to. I want to be able to take that.

[A]

Okay. That's the right way to do it. I just sometimes I think he can't really think that, you know, it is just insecurity.

[B]

Well.

[A]

And he's so nice. Whereas, like if Eric gives you a compliment, you know he means it because it's terrible and he's ruined your day.

[B]

He says the meanest compliments to, but they're truly compliments.

[A]

Like he's attempting and he's putting his foot in his mouth so it doesn't go well. And then I go, now that's a genuine compliment. It hurt the person's feelings.

[B]

Yeah, sure. I don't want him to ever give.

[A]

Me any more compliments. Some of the compliments he's giving you. And look, before you even say it, let me tell you that I know personally from Eric. He thinks you're really pretty. Pretty. He does. He thinks you're really pretty and he's obsessed with your feet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So let's just start that. That's how he feels.

[B]

He's never said. He's never given me any classic Eric horrible compliments about my feet. He. They're always very positive.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And he get.

[A]

He lands those regular.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So hit us with a couple of his compliments.

[B]

Most of his compliments are about my skin.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Which we know it's triggering. It's very sensitive.

[A]

I literally am figurative.

[B]

Yeah. I have extremely sensitive skin and my feelings about my skin are very sensitive. Yeah, I.

[A]

Your skin looks great.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And that's an Eric compliment, not a Ryan compliment.

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[C]

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[A]

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Like taxes and fees applies to exclusions and details@t mobile.com.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I don't want to give Ryan a complex. I love Ryan.

[B]

Ryan, listen, he's.

[A]

He truly is the sweetest.

[B]

He's the sweetest and he is so nice, but I've heard him say mean things. Like, I. I don't think every. It's not like I think he's a bunch of. Bunch of.

[A]

No, he's just so nice.

[B]

So. Yeah, so he often will tell me, like, my skin looks really nice. Can you believe it? It used to look so bad.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no. There was. There's a couple very specific ones I'm thinking of. Like, you came over with makeup on, maybe.

[B]

Okay. This is the original one. I was in glam. It wasn't just regular makeup. I was in full glam.

[A]

To be on camera?

[B]

Yeah, to be on camera. It didn't look how anyone should look just walking around. And he said, oh my God, you look so pretty. Why don't you wear more makeup? How will you get a boyfriend if you don't wear makeup? That's what he said. Okay, that was the original one. But he since has given me some like, really ones that, that actually haunt me.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

Okay, then. This isn't very. I thought this was more fun than it was.

He'll kill himself.

[B]

He'll kill himself. So I can't really go there, cuz he does love me. I know.

[A]

He loves you so much. And he thinks you're very pretty.

[B]

I don't know about that.

[A]

He does, he does, he does. He's told me independently in a less clunky way. Well, you know, he gives me compliments that are like that too. He'll go like, he'll go, you are in such a good mood in Nashville over Memorial Day. And I'll go, oh, thank you. And then I'm like. As opposed to like, why is this worth me? And I'll go, was there a period that you thought I wasn't a good mood? And I'll go like, well, you seem really stressed the week in the summertime. And so it's like you were in such a good mood. Then I just go, oh, so he thought I was in a bad mood? I'm like rough to be around sometimes. And yeah, so yeah, he does it to me. It's just not about my looks, which would stay deeper. Really sting the deep.

[B]

That's the, That's. That's hard. He also Said. He said on. On. Thanks. Our Thanksgiving, our friends giving pod. Giving. He said, no, you should drink. You're more fun when you drink. And I was like, what? And he said, no, no, you're just like. You're less like. And I know, I know he wanted to say uptight. And I. And. And I was like, well, do you mean like, I'm less vigilant, paying attention.

[A]

You helped him articulate.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And he was like, yeah. And I'm like, yeah, you would like that.

[A]

Right? Right.

[B]

And then you popped in. Then you said, yeah, you're just. You're just less sharp. And that was. You were trying to make it nicer, Trying to help.

[A]

I guess you were. Well, I didn't help.

[B]

No, you did.

[A]

Is there a way to say to somebody like, what if you do think someone's more fun when they drink?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so they're like, I don't know if I should drink. And you're like, I'd prefer you drank. How do you say that in a way that doesn't make the person feel like they're not fun when they don't drink? Because you could really just be saying, you go from an age to an A. I mean, that could be the reality.

[B]

Well, if it's an A to an A, then you shouldn't say anything. It's only. You should only say something if it's an F to an A. If it's really like, oh, this is like a horrible person to be around.

[A]

Right. You're like, I'm thinking about brushing my teeth. And like, you should. You're like, oh, my brother always smells and that. And they should know that. Is that an example? I say, oh, I got to run upstairs and brush my teeth before we go.

[B]

Oh, you know, I gotta go brush my teeth before we record.

[A]

Thank God.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, great. Good, good.

[B]

I don't think I'm mentally prepared for this.

[A]

Okay, I'll do it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, I'm going to. I'm going to quickly go throw some deodorant on.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's how I would do it.

[A]

Okay. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh. Oh, okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So I. What I. What I.

[B]

What you gather.

[A]

I gathered that you don't think I need it.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Tell me you're going to go subtle in my eyes. Tell me you're going to go put your. Some deodorant on.

[B]

Oh, you know what? I'm going to go put some deodorant on before I. Before we do this.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

That is. I don't think you need it.

[B]

Listen, I am.

Hypersensitive to you, okay. I don't have to be hypersensitive to Eric, cuz he just says stuff. Yeah, but if you said that, what you just did.

[A]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[B]

I would know.

[A]

Yes, I would know.

[B]

I'd be like, oh, do I?

[A]

And vice versa. I worked with someone.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And the person, I could not help but go like, what a genius. Fucking road they staked out for themselves. They're like, you never know when he's gonna be here.

[B]

What's that mean?

[A]

Like.

Just the overall vibe is like he doesn't take anything serious. And it's charming.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And it's kind of genius because no one's ever upse. Like if, if this person shows up a day late for your party, you're like, this guy rolled in a day. Like you think it's so funny.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

There are people that are too dumb to even know they're that way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then there's a handful of people. You're like, this guy's a thousand times smarter than he's acting and he gets away with murder because everyone has assessed him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can kind of see him jumping off on Eric. Like, Eric started this, this wonderful thing. That's the difference between how you would take something he says and what I say. Like I've kind of claimed this. Oh, I'm dependable and responsible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And when I act crazy, it's uncomfortable and disruptive. And Eric leads with, I'm a. I'm a loose cannon.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And so no matter if you looked over and saw Eric naked at Thanksgiving, standing on the fucking island with a putting a turkey drumstick up his ass, you wouldn't like wonder if he had relapsed or if he had lost his mind.

[B]

Right.

[A]

If Erica did that, you'd be like, oh, we gotta take her to the hospital, she's gonna a mental collapse. So like you build in, you build in this huge latitude of acceptance if you just lead with it. And then you, you just live with whatever the downside is.

[B]

Okay. That this is interesting. I think Eric rides the line well.

[A]

Oh, perfectly.

[B]

But he in general, that type of. Not his personality, but this one, you're saying like, oh, cuz this other person, Eric is reliable.

[A]

For sure. For sure. Yeah. I'm not attributing any of those aforementioned attributes to Eric, only Eric's craziness.

[B]

Right, right, right. But like if someone is unreliable or like, oh, like we'll see if they come or.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That to me is a defense Mechanism of them.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A non committal. Like a refusal to commit to do people, things, anything. Because you don't want to be then responsible. Exactly. So I could only be very, very distant friends with someone like that. I could never really have someone like that in my life. Who I like called dear.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

[B]

And so that's the fallout. I don't know how many intimate relationships you could really, really have.

[A]

Well, no, this. These people I'm describing, they do totally fine.

[B]

They do?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

In the same way that like. But like addicts, you know, people are attracted to. Why. Why be attracted to an addict? They're a time bomb and it's a pain in the ass and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So someone who might love the goofy guy who rolls in whenever could never date an addict?

[B]

Yeah, maybe.

[A]

And then you would never want to date this unpredictable, you know?

[B]

Yeah, I. I mean more. It's something.

[A]

I guess what I'm saying is there's an ask for every seat. The pe. The person I'm talking about has a lot of options.

[B]

Okay. But I. I don't know how fulfilling those relationships are because if he. If this person can't arrive on time, decide. Decide that this is important. Whatever this is. Whether it's the person, the job, the whatever, like that's really hard. That's a hard life. Like you have to make some decisions about things. You have to make some.

[A]

For you and I, it'd be really hard.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And for some people, it wouldn't be hard at all.

[B]

Yeah, I guess that's true. Speaking of Eric.

[A]

Yeah. Let's also say we. There's nobody we love more than Eric. Everyone in America would be so lucky to have Eric as a best friend.

[B]

Oh my God. I know. We're all.

[A]

We're so much fun.

[B]

And that is what I'm getting at. So he. So we had secret turkey.

Which is the best day of the year. It's so beautiful. Beautiful. It's just the most.

[A]

Gets better.

[B]

It gets better and better.

[A]

I thought this year was the best one.

[B]

And like, it just really fills my heart.

[A]

It warms the cockles.

[B]

It really does. Everyone just taking time out of their busy, busy, busy lives to make something for someone. And it's all so thoughtful.

[A]

Now when I asked. Can I ask a question that potentially is triggering? Yeah. Do you think you can evaluate this year's secret, secret turkey independent of your own gift you gave? Oh, I'm only asking because you happen to crush this year.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Oh, you don't even mean to tell you that it was. It was unanimous in the group that you had slaved this year.

[B]

Oh, that's really nice.

[A]

So do you think it's. It's possible to evaluate, like, for me, if I crushed. I don't even know if I'd be able to evaluate how the rest of the thing went, because I would just be so excited. I crushed.

[B]

No, I do know. I.

[A]

You can do both.

[B]

I just saw, like, you know, everyone came in. We did it at the Richardsons, and everyone, you know, bring. Brought their little gift in and put it on the table. And I was just staring at that table like, oh, my God.

[A]

This is a physical embodiment of so.

[B]

Much care and love. And it's all. Everyone wrapped their thing. I don't know. I just. I. It's so beautiful to me. And then it was, like, time for secret turkey. And everyone goes and picks up their present and walks and, like, look so stupid. Carrying their stupid present into the other room. And it's just so sweet. But, yeah. So Eric had me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And he got me the best gift. That's. It was so thoughtful. So on my birthday, I think we maybe talked about it on a fact check on my birthday, Eric came wearing this, like, shirt. This shirt of hair. His was like a family heirloom shirt.

[A]

Well, it was his. His high school business he started, which was hauling junk away from people's houses.

[B]

And it was this really cool shirt. It was yellow. It was vintage.

[A]

Probably from 88. He's five years older than me.

[B]

I know. I think 87.

[A]

Oh, possible.

[B]

Because I was like, that's when I was born. And I got really excited about this shirt, and I asked if I could have it.

[A]

The shirt off his back. He did the proverbial ask for his shirt off his back.

[B]

I literally asked if I could have this shirt. Shirt off his back. And he. There's. It's a one. It's a one of one. There's not another. And he said no.

[A]

Good for him.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I'm actually blown away he said no.

[B]

He said no because he has to give it to his kids right now. That hurt, but I had to accept it. If you say you're giving it to your kids, it's like, I guess I have to accept kryptonite. Yeah. But it hurt. Just like, the way his compliments hurt.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

And for secret turkey, he had the shirt remade for me.

[A]

Few copies, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Different colors.

[B]

Yeah, A couple colors, couple sizes, so I can grow into it. And it was. So you should wear it on the.

[A]

Next fact I will. Okay.

[B]

I will.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's. It was so, so sweet.

[A]

And then you gave, though.

[B]

I gave.

[A]

There are. Ryan.

[B]

Yes. So on Halloween.

[A]

Okay. I guess we have to say.

[B]

We have to.

[A]

On Halloween, someone ended up in our house.

[B]

Someone ended up in your house. That was new. I mean, I know how they did. It was friends of a friend, and. And it was Anthony Kiedis from Red Hot Chili Peppers.

[A]

What was better, though, is he was a zombie.

[B]

No.

[A]

Like, oh, mummy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So there's just a mummy in the house.

[B]

And then at some point, he said can to. To someone he was with. Like, can you help me get this tape off my face?

[A]

Basically, his entire face was obscure.

[B]

Yeah. And then it was a big reveal. It was Anthony Kiedis, and it was powerful.

[A]

I wasn't here for this, but it rippled.

[B]

It rippled. I was outside, so I actually did. Never made contact with Anthony.

[C]

Oh, you didn't?

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

We ran into him early trick or treating, and he was very nice to Vinnie, and I had no idea until now. Could you.

[B]

You're just a nice mummy.

But Ryan, I've never seen him react.

[A]

And you've seen him around a lot of celebrities.

[B]

Oh, yeah. He doesn't care. He himself is an actor, so. But he was, like, so starstruck and could not keep it together. And he, like, kept offering to take out the trash so he could walk by him, and it was so cute. And he kept. He kept. And he was like, anthony. Anthony Kiedis is here. Yeah.

[A]

He's like. I can't say. He couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he was there. Yeah.

[B]

Yes. And then the next day, we were watching the Dodgers game, and he brought up Anthony Kiedis, like, many, many times. And it was clear this really had an impact on him. Anyway, I made a photo album. It's a beautiful photo album. I'm gonna shout it out. Artifact Uprising is the brand, obviously. Callie told me about this. Cause she has the best taste.

[A]

And.

[B]

And it's really. It's, like, printed on the paper. The pictures are printed on the, like, thick cardstock pages. It's beautiful. It's, like, bound, and you can ingredient. Whatever.

[A]

What's it called?

[B]

Emboss, I guess. On the front. Anyway, so I asked Amy for 20 pictures of her and Ryan.

[A]

Their most lovey dovey, cute pictures.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Over the years. Mm.

[B]

And I had Anthony Kiedis's face photoshopped over Amy's face on all the faces.

[A]

But I gotta say, even way better than that. The book is presented to him and it says the story of rna.

[B]

The front says R plus A. And on this side, it says a love story.

[A]

A love story. So clearly everyone in the room is like, how cute. It's Orion and Amy love story. A fort for Amy.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And then he opens it up and discovered it's A for Anthony.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

It's great. You know what's great about. Not only it's.

[C]

It.

[A]

It's great in its concept and execution, but then you also gotta factor in, like, Ryan, not unlike myself, has had so many bonkers looks over the years.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

There's almost.

[C]

So.

[A]

There's also so much comedy. And just seeing Ryan at 16 and then 21 and then imagining him with Anthony that whole time.

[B]

Yes, it's great. There's a picture of Amy and Ryan kissing and Amy pregnant. But it's Anthony and it's. It's fantastic.

[A]

Like, if Ryan is listening, hey, I think you're way better looking than me. You know that? I think you're one of the cutest.

[B]

Are you gonna give an Eric compliment?

[A]

I'm gonna say that he had a few years of his life where he looked like Guy Fieri.

[B]

Oh, sure. He had a haircut. He had a very specific hairstyle.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So to see Guy Fury wrapped around Anthony Kiedis is pretty funny.

[B]

It was. It was a fun one. And. But I was scary because I didn't think it was gonna come in time. I had to reach out and I was like. And I had to say, look, we have this tradition. It's this. It's really meaningful. I don't know if you can rush it. And they're like, we're gonna try. And they did it for me, and it was really nice, but I had to have a backup.

[A]

Oh, see. Of a secondary tertiary.

[B]

I just owned a photo album of pictures. It's, like, not nearly as good. It's just pictures.

[A]

Coffee table book in one of your rooms.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The present I gave was just fine. There was no. It was fine. But the payoff ended up being really funny. What's just happened, which is Molly and Eric and I were with Larry Trilling and Jen, his wife, and we were going out to see a comedy show at Largo. And we had walked by this bong store, and in the window is this enormous penis bong.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I said to Molly, you know, you should really think about if you're ever gonna smoke weed. That might be a good starter pipe for you. So we have this long jo about this pipe, and it's Obnoxious and blah, blah, blah. So then we went into the theater and then I said I had to go to the bathroom and then I went back to the bong shop and bought that penis. Yes. Then I was like, I never ever know of anything.

[B]

That's fantastic. That's very thoughtful.

[A]

Hit it in the truck. So anyways, I then decorated this huge glass penis bong. I'm going to back up often. All through Covid. We had this thing where you guys drank so much wine.

[B]

We did.

[A]

And I lived to go get it on the motorcycle. And everyone would time me. I was constantly trying to beat my time. But all the time I'm walking out of the store with like six bottles of wine in my hand and it crosses my mind, like, oh, what if a paparazzi photo. And so of course, I'm standing at the counter buying this big cock ball and I'm like, you know, is this something that gets out?

[B]

Right.

[A]

So then I decorated it around the balls. I made it like earth and grass. And I actually glued like, some foliage to it. And then the. I made a big candy cane.

[B]

Yeah, you made it Christmassy.

[A]

I made it Christmy to the point where you don't even really know what you're looking at. So anyways, the. The present's fine. It. I would give it a six, but Molly sent me a picture yesterday. The housekeeper put it. Arranged it with all the Christmas decorations. Of course she came home and it was just on display with their normal.

[B]

Christmas decorations, as it should be.

[A]

And that made me really happy.

[B]

It's kind of like the penis from White Elephant that ended up ultimately looking like a beautiful Christmas tree.

[A]

Yes. Cockadroers. Cockadroers. It was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dicka drawers.

[B]

Yeah, Dick of drawers. Anyway. Yeah, no, it was great. Everyone did such a beautiful job.

[A]

Erica made me an incredible. That game Guess who.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If you've not played it, you get to give clues like, this person would have fallen down after lunch and you pick a nerd. I don't know. And she made. Made it with all special people from my world.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And she did a lot of work too. She. Because she had to. She doesn't know everyone I'm so close to.

[B]

She got like, panet.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

All childhood new. My friend Newman from Detroit. I don't know how the hell she found out about Newman.

[B]

She asked Aaron.

[A]

She must have talked to Aaron. Yeah.

[B]

That's so sweet. Yeah. But this is. What.

[A]

But that's so thoughtful. Like, someone took the time to find out. My closest friends from my Whole life.

[B]

I know. Know.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's beautiful.

[B]

It's a lovely thing. I would encourage people to get into secret turkey.

[A]

I think Lily should start a business where she, like, comes in and eventizes and makes things, like, really memorable for your party.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

I think it'd be a cool business.

[B]

I agree.

Okay, real quick, I'm going to give one present idea. I think a great thing to get somebody who cooks is a cookbook. There's multiple options here, but, I mean, I'm obviously going to recommend Allison Roman's new cookbook. It just came out. It's called Something from Nothing. It's beautiful and delicious and also. Or you could go the route of finding out their favorite restaurant. And often restaurants have their own cookbook. A lot of restaurants. Restaurants do. Or like, you know, their favorite restaurant in New York might have a cookbook or something. Get that. And then you pair that. I'm into pairings. Okay. So you pair your cookbook with either, depending on your budget, a nice, like, la cruset pan or pot or stob.

[A]

I got Chris in a wicked La Crusade.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

For Christmas. And I wouldn't normally be saying that out loud, but it got shipped to Nashville and she had unwrapped it.

[B]

Oh. So she knows she got it early. Yeah. Like a La Crusade or a stob. Beautiful cookware.

[A]

Or.

[B]

I also like this idea. There's a company called Francis May. It's a store in Portland, and they have ornaments on their site that are so cute. They have, like, a parmesan cheese rind or a pomodoro sauce. There's, like, food ornaments that are very, very, very cute. So I think you could get that and pair it with your cookbook.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's a great gift.

[A]

Great. I love it. And on this topic, Monica.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I would like to tell everyone about a wonderful thing we're participating in this year. So Amazon has this incredible thing called Forgiving Tuesday, right? Yeah. And it's for the holidays. And they asked if we want to be involved. And I very much wanted to be involved because the Covenant House, which has a mission to help youth and young families throughout the holiday season, Amazon has created a channel charity list where you can purchase items that the Covenant House has specifically requested. And the best part is, everything you get gets shipped directly to them. And there are multiple different people participating. Cynthia Rivo's doing it. She has her. Everyone gets to pick a charity. So mine is Covenant House, and I would love for everyone who's inclined to to go participate. And if you want to help. What you can do is go to Amazon.com holidaygiving to learn more about Amazon's holiday giving campaign and how you can participate. Every gift, no matter how small, can real difference in someone's life. So, yes, just go to Amazon.com holiday giving to learn more. And if you're interested in Covenant House, they're active 247 in 34 cities across five countries. And they're just a wonderful group to.

[B]

I love this. I'm going to participate.

[A]

Please participate. And anyone who's inclined to and has a little extra go there and send some real essentials to the Covenant House. And that would be great.

[B]

All right, let's do some facts.

[A]

Let's do some facts.

[B]

Okay. Jake.

[A]

Oh. What? Jj, Wait.

[B]

This is creeps.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

This is definitely that. My computer's listening.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because I typed in. Oh, no, never mind.

[A]

Oh, it's not listening.

[B]

Not listening. You can't hear anything. Okay, there's a cake. This is the only fact we have for today. Tom Cruise cake.

[A]

Oh, the cake he gives out for Christmas.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I've heard about this before. This is like lore legendary cake. A goal in life is to eat this cake.

[A]

Oh, is to eat it. That should be easy. Just ask Jake when he gets sent it this Christmas.

[B]

I don't want to eat Jake's cake.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because that's his cake.

[A]

You think he's dirty?

[B]

No, that's his cake for him to eat with his family.

[A]

So what you're saying you have to. You're only going to eat one when he sends you one? Oh, that's. That's. That's not.

[B]

That's a goal. Why can't that be a goal?

[A]

Well, those are two different goals. Like, that just sounds like a goal of getting a present from Tom Cruise. And then another goal should be, I want to try this cake he sends to everybody.

[B]

Both.

[A]

It could be both. Yeah, but you might deny yourself half of the riddle, which would be enjoyable, which is tasting this famous cake.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

If you're holding out to become friends with Tom Cruise, I don't need to.

[B]

Be friends with him.

[A]

I think you got to be friends with him to receive a cake from him.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Maybe it's not like everyone he shakes hands with, he sends his cake to.

[B]

Maybe he wants to send me this cake.

[A]

Should I reach out to. I just got a. A contact for someone in his world.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To beg him to come on the show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Should I send a request for the cake? No, no.

[B]

Only if he comes on.

[A]

Well, I Will say if he doesn't. If he doesn't want to. Come on. I understand. Can I still have one of the cakes?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Okay. And then that kind of satisfies your criteria.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He is.

[A]

Sent it to us. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Ex White. It's a white chocolate coconut bundt cake and apparently.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

And it's from a bakery in Woodland Hills called Doan. Doanz or D O A N. Yeah. Do you know it?

[A]

No. I saw on the image that Rob just put up, I saw Doan's.

[B]

Yeah. And he sends it to a long list of celebrity friends.

[A]

I wonder how many it is at this point. I mean, I feel like it's a thousand cakes.

[B]

Can you imagine? Doan, who owns this bakery is like.

[A]

Okay, Tom's orders coming up. Like you know how you're feeling Fry. They like they have to deal with Tom's. So that's my question is what are the logistics of this? Because you can't bake a thousand cakes in one morning. Unless they have the biggest factory in California.

[B]

I know. Yeah.

[A]

Which they don't.

[B]

No.

[A]

So are they making them? You know who gets the one they had? They have to start making them probably five days ahead of time. Right. Are they making 200 a day? So someone's getting one that was five days old and someone's getting one that's a few hours old.

[B]

Well.

[A]

And I wonder if he has a flowing chart of priority.

[B]

No, no. I bet he gives the list with some advance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then it's like for two weeks.

[A]

Okay. They don't all have to drop.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On 9am Tom's look at not. You'll hear knock at your door.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All thousand people at 9am and when you open it, they'll be holding a steamy cake.

[B]

It's like getting into college when you know it's like 9am you got to check and see if you got in. It's like that. It's 9am on December 20th. If your door is knocked, you got a cake.

[A]

Should there be a whole movie about Tom Cruise's cakes? Cuz that's like ticking time clock. It's got all the ingredients, pun intended.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

For a great, great high stress doc just. Oh, doc would be nice. Yeah. I was thinking something fictionalized.

[B]

Can we make it so that we definitely get him? Then we definitely.

[A]

The ones that fall because they got. They have to account for like 4% failure rate.

[B]

So they're probably making 100 bun cakes can collapse.

[A]

Yeah. So they're making probably 10, 50 of them. Wow. In anticipation of droppage leakage.

[B]

How many people do we think we know who's had it? Obviously Jake.

[A]

5. Jake. I feel like Kimmel has to receive one. Ah, yeah, right.

[B]

Probably, I guess.

[A]

Anyone we know who's done a movie with.

[B]

I guess everyone.

[A]

We should have asked Billy Crudup if he received a cake. Maybe not because of that cue card situation.

[B]

Exactly. Okay. This is a good test.

[A]

Yes. Who gets the cake and who does?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

My friend said they'd come the first week of December. Oh.

[B]

So throughout the week, they're going out.

[A]

First week of December. I'd like to see that push a little closer to Christmas.

[B]

No, but it's kind of nice. It's like December. It's starting. My cake is here. I'm in this mood. I'm in the season.

All right, well, that cake makes me hungry.

[A]

And that's our own Emily Blunt cake.

[B]

Oh, that's a cute for. For.

[A]

She gets. Gets one for sure.

[B]

Yeah. But that's good for our Halloween mashup.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Holly.

[B]

Emily Blunt cake.

[A]

Emily Blunt cake.

[B]

All right. That's it for Jake.

[A]

That was everything.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. That's the name of the cake.

You could order this cake from there. It's on gold belly, too, which means anyone can order it. Any old country.

[C]

That's.

[B]

So that's why we're saying it. But I. I bet the last. The last couple weeks of November, early December, you're not to be able to get it. There's quotes sold out because of Tom.

[A]

Yeah. You got to get that order in June, probably.

[B]

Yeah. Well, anyway, let us know if you buy it, listeners.

[A]

Sell us how it tastes.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Okay, bye.

[A]

Love you.

[B]

Love you.

[A]

Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey. Mom and dad. Mom and Mom. Dad and dad. Whatever parents are you about to start? Spend five hours in the car with your beloved kids this holiday season driving old granny's house. I'm setting the scene. I'm picturing screaming, fighting back to back hours of the K Pop Demon hunter soundtrack on repeat. Well, when your ears start to bleed, I have the perfect thing to keep you from rolling out of that moving vehicle. Something for the whole family. He's filled with laughs. He's filled with rage. The OG Green Grump Give it up for me. James Austin Johnson as the Grinch. And like any insufferable influencer these days, I'm bringing my crew of lesser talented friends along for the ride. With a list guests like Gronk, Mark Hamill, and the Jonas Brothers, whoever they are. There's a little bit of something for everyone. Listen to Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.