Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard: Episode Summary – Kimberly Quinlan on Anxiety and Self-Compassion

Hosted by Armchair Umbrella, this episode features a deep and insightful conversation with Kimberly Quinlan, a licensed marriage and family therapist, public speaker, podcaster, and founder of CBT School. Together with co-host Monica Padman, Dax Shepard explores the intricate dynamics of anxiety disorders, self-compassion, and their intersection with eating disorders and OCD.

1. Introduction to Kimberly Quinlan

The episode opens with Dax Shepard and Monica Padman introducing Kimberly Quinlan, highlighting her extensive experience in the mental health field. Shepard mentions the importance of integrity and character, noting that after receiving feedback about their previous discussions on OCD, they sought out experts like Quinlan to provide accurate and compassionate insights.

Quote:

Dax Shepard [09:00]: "We invited her on and she has so much integrity. She said, you really want to talk to my friend Allegra? Yes. She's awesome."

2. Conducting the Self-Compassion Test

Kimberly introduces the Self-Compassion Scale, a tool used to measure an individual's level of self-compassion. Shepard and Padman participate, answering a series of questions designed to assess how they treat themselves in times of failure, stress, and self-criticism.

Quote:

Kimberly Quinlan [11:08]: "We're doing the short form. The long form is 24. We're doing the 12, but research has shown that the 12 question is as effective as the 24, so we're golden."

Both hosts score in the lower category of self-compassion, prompting a discussion on the implications of these results.

3. Understanding Self-Compassion

Quinlan explains self-compassion as treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding that one would offer to a loved one. She emphasizes that self-compassion is not about letting oneself off the hook but rather about approaching personal challenges with kindness instead of harsh self-judgment.

Quote:

Kimberly Quinlan [22:27]: "What's the other way? Well, it's simply treating yourself like you would treat a loved one if they were in that situation."

4. The Intersection of Eating Disorders and OCD

The conversation delves into the relationship between eating disorders and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Quinlan shares her personal experience with an eating disorder, drawing parallels between the compulsive behaviors seen in eating disorders and those in OCD. She discusses how both conditions involve repetitive and controlling behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety.

Quote:

Kimberly Quinlan [38:45]: "Eating disorders and OCD have a very big crossover. Some people even now are sort of speculating that they're very much the same thing."

5. The Impact of Diet Culture

Dax and Monica explore how societal pressures and diet culture contribute to the prevalence of eating disorders. Quinlan highlights the obsession with "clean" or pure eating, leading to conditions like orthorexia—a subcategory of eating disorders focused on food purity.

Quote:

Kimberly Quinlan [37:03]: "It's an obsession with the purity of food or clean food, the cleanliness of food, or the contamination of food."

6. Supporting Others with Eating Disorders

Quinlan provides guidance on how to support individuals struggling with eating disorders. She advises approaching the subject with compassion and understanding, avoiding judgmental statements, and instead asking supportive questions that encourage open dialogue.

Quote:

Kimberly Quinlan [44:36]: "All we can do is come from a place of loving kindness. So for me it would be, hey, I'm noticing this is happening. How is that working for you? Is there other things going on for you? How can I support you?"

7. Differentiating Anxiety Disorders

The discussion distinguishes between general anxiety and anxiety disorders. Quinlan clarifies that while anxiety is a natural and necessary response to danger, anxiety disorders are characterized by excessive and persistent worry that interferes with daily functioning.

Quote:

Kimberly Quinlan [61:43]: "Anxiety isn’t actually bad. Everybody needs it... The disordered piece is when that response impacts your functioning and your ability to enjoy your day."

8. Self-Compassion in Practice

Quinlan shares practical strategies for cultivating self-compassion. She introduces the concept of the "compassion sandwich," where self-kindness is integrated before and after facing fears or challenges. This approach helps individuals remain kind to themselves while still tackling difficult tasks.

Quote:

Kimberly Quinlan [29:40]: "The meat of the work is facing your fears. But the bread is the before and after of compassion when you face those fears."

9. Addressing Panic and Social Anxiety

The conversation shifts to specific anxiety disorders such as panic disorder and social anxiety. Quinlan explains that social anxiety is not merely shyness but a profound fear of being judged by others. She discusses techniques like mindfulness and allowing panic attacks to occur without resistance to build mastery over them.

Quote:

Kimberly Quinlan [73:23]: "The best thing you can do is let it happen... Each time you panic, you'll build mastery over panic. The more you let it come, the smaller it gets."

10. Conclusion and Reflections

Towards the end of the episode, Dax and Monica reflect on their personal journeys with self-compassion and mental health. They acknowledge the complexity of these issues and the importance of continuous self-awareness and compassion in overcoming personal challenges.

Quote:

Dax Shepard [83:56]: "We have to be compassionate to each other... But I think it's possible there's some symbiosis."

Final Thoughts: The episode underscores the significance of self-compassion in managing anxiety and related disorders. It highlights the cyclical nature of self-criticism and motivation, advocating for a kinder, more understanding approach to oneself as a pathway to mental well-being and personal growth.

Notable Quotes:

• Kimberly Quinlan [10:32]: "When something painful happens, I try to take a balanced view of the situation."
• Dax Shepard [22:03]: "Best seller. Congrats."
• Kimberly Quinlan [24:59]: "The act of kindness is the reflection, but doing it in a way that is kind."
• Dax Shepard [58:18]: "The only window into my awareness of my self, abuse and flagellation..."
• Kimberly Quinlan [84:16]: "Marriage is not easy. It's mostly just the decision to stay married."

Resources Mentioned:

• Kimberly Quinlan’s Podcast: Anxiety Toolkit
• Books:
  • Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD
  • Upcoming: Self-Compassion Workbook for Everyone

Follow Kimberly Quinlan:

• Podcast: Anxiety Toolkit
• Platform: CBT School

This summary encapsulates the key discussions and insights shared by Kimberly Quinlan, Dax Shepard, and Monica Padman, offering valuable perspectives on anxiety, self-compassion, and their interrelated challenges.