'Merica!

Summary

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Armstrong & Getty On Demand – Episode Summary

Episode: 'Merica! (August 7, 2026)

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Overview

In this engaging episode, Armstrong & Getty dive into a New York Times article humorously exploring "25 Objects That Explain America." The hosts bring their signature wit and skepticism, expecting to be annoyed by big-city journalistic condescension, but instead find themselves amused and, at times, enlightened by the writer’s clever takes on uniquely American items—from Costco rotisserie chickens to inflatable tube men. Alongside, they revisit a listener story about a suspected car accident scam, discuss insurance fraud, American fashion, and cultural quirks that make the U.S. both ridiculous and remarkable.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Follow-Up: Attempted Auto Insurance Scam

• Quick recap of Michelangelo's recent parking lot incident, suspected to be a staged accident scam.
• Insurance Insight: Rebecca from Sioux Falls, a claims adjuster, emails in, confirming these are known tactics: “Scammers used to get insurance money, try to stage or cause an accident and typically have, oh, look, a third party…who will testify.” (Jack Armstrong, 01:58)
• Hosts marvel at the stupidity of scammers who persist despite failing to actually cause an accident.
  • Quote: “The fact that these people approached him after their attempt at causing an accident failed is mind boggling.” (Jack Armstrong quoting Rebecca, 02:46)
• Recommendation for dash cameras is highlighted.

2. Main Segment – “Museum of America – 25 Objects That Explain America”

• Premise: NYT’s Emily Keegan catalogs quirky everyday objects as the lens to understand America.
• The crew takes a humorous, critical, and occasionally sentimental tour of the list. Notable featured items include:

● Costco Rotisserie Chicken (04:21–05:57)

• Unity in Chicken: “At Costco, we are one nation under God with bulk groceries for all.” (Jack Armstrong, quoting Keegan, 05:12)
• Both hosts celebrate the universal appeal of the $4.99 chicken.

● Plastic Lawn Flamingos (06:22-07:32)

• Katie recalls “flamingoing” as a prank; Joe notes seasonal flamingo costumes in Wisconsin.
• Deeper Point: Americans’ compulsion to “tame the wilderness”; lawns are an act of shaping nature.

● Juicy Couture Sweatsuit & Pajama Fashion Debate (07:32–08:41)

• Paris Hilton’s influence: “I’m so wealthy, I don’t even have to get dressed.” (Jack Armstrong, 07:33)
• Joe and Katie trade thoughts on the rise of public pajama-wearing: “That is my husband’s jihad. He gets so angry at pajama pants.” (Katie, 08:20)
• Both hosts debate comfort vs. societal norms.

● NASCAR’s Chevy Impala—Transformation Culture (09:01–09:46)

• Insight: NASCAR as American fantasy—“With the pit crew, any of us can be champions.” (Jack Armstrong, quoting Keegan, 09:39)

● Personal Injury Lawyer Ads (09:57–11:28)

• Joe questions the surge in injury lawyer billboards and insurance payouts.
• Satirical take: “When John Adams wrote of…‘an empire of laws and not of men,’ was he not dreaming of calling 1-800-GOT-PIG?” (Jack Armstrong quoting Keegan, 11:07)
• Joe shares anecdote about an Uber driver from India marveling at Americans moving for ambulances (11:28).

● Goop’s Jade Egg (12:20–14:15)

• General hilarity as the crew tries to figure out what it is—“Do you sit on it like a chicken?” (Joe Getty, 13:08)
• Satirical observation: “A healthier nation might have said heck no instead of how far.” (Jack Armstrong, quoting Keegan, 14:11)

● Dirty Soda & Mormon Influencers (14:34–15:07)

• Joe asks: “What’s dirty soda?” Jack explains it as soda mixed with syrups, cream, and juice, popularized by Mormon influencers and now mainstream.

● T-Shirt Cannon, Crest Strips, Pizza Hut Lamp, Blinged Crocs, Tree Air Freshener, George Foreman Grill, Dude Wipes, Sad Desk Salad

• Each object brings forth anecdotes and cultural analysis, e.g., the iconic red Solo cup as “the quintessential expression of American industrial design” (17:59).

● Bottomless Chips, Live Laugh Love Signs, Dog Strollers, The Gas Station Bathroom Key, Botox, Inflatable Tube Men (19:01–23:44)

• Insights range from the practical (“the bathroom key’s giant size is so you can't forget it”—Jack Armstrong, 22:02) to satirical (“The future is deadpan”—re: botox, Jack Armstrong, 22:21).
• The episode crescendos with the history of the inflatable tube man, likening it to the American spirit: “We too are happy idiots flailing around outside the vape shop. We too were once works of art, but now we’ve got to make a living. Capitalism comes for everyone.” (Jack Armstrong, quoting Keegan, 23:44)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the universality of Costco rotisserie chicken:

  “At Costco, we are one nation under God with bulk groceries for all.”
  — Jack Armstrong (quoting NYT article), 05:12

• On American lawns and taming nature:

  “Our lawns might be agriculturally worthless economic sinkholes... but the American urge to tame the wilderness by transforming it in our own image is hard to deny.”
  — Jack Armstrong (quoting NYT article), 06:43

• On lawyer billboards:

  “Half the billboards on the interstate shouldn’t be saying, ‘Did you get in a wreck?’...because I’m going to screw somebody.”
  — Joe Getty, 10:50

• On ambulance courtesy in America vs. India:

  “In India, you’re just screwed. Ambulances sit there with their lights on...Here in the United States, everybody gets out of the way or they’ll fly a helicopter there if they need to pick you up.”
  — Joe Getty, 11:28

• On botox and American appearances:

  “We may look ridiculous IRL, but on camera, we are glowing. Adios, laugh lines. The future is deadpan.”
  — Jack Armstrong (quoting NYT article), 22:21

• On the inflatable tube man as a metaphor:

  “We too are happy idiots flailing around outside the vape shop. We too, were once works of art, but now we’ve got to make a living. Capitalism comes for everyone.”
  — Jack Armstrong (quoting NYT article), 23:44

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• Insurance scam follow-up: 01:11–03:16
• “Museum of America” begins (Costco chicken): 04:21
• Plastic lawn flamingos & lawns: 06:22
• Fashion discussion (Juicy Couture, pajamas): 07:32–08:41
• NASCAR Impala & transformation: 09:01–09:46
• Injury lawyer ads & ambulance anecdote: 09:57–11:28
• Goop jade egg hilarity: 12:20–14:15
• Dirty soda explained: 14:34–15:07
• Red Solo cup & American products rapid-fire: 17:59–18:45
• Dog stroller culture: 19:40–21:14
• Gas station key & botox: 22:02–22:58
• Inflatable tube man finale: 23:21–24:44

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Tone & Style

• Playful, sarcastic, and insightful, combining open curiosity with American self-deprecation.
• The hosts embrace both the absurdity and ingenuity behind American objects, often pivoting between personal stories and cultural critique.
• The crew appreciates humor as a vehicle for truth, even (especially) when poking fun at themselves and their country.

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Summary

This episode is a fun, light-hearted romp through American pop culture, as Armstrong & Getty dissect both the ridiculousness and charm of everyday objects that, collectively, paint a nuanced portrait of “America.” While poking fun at everything from fashion faux-pas to cultural quirks, the hosts ultimately find kinship and a certain pride in the nation's unique artifacts—and in their own willingness to laugh at their shared, chaotic national identity.

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Transcript

[Jack Armstrong]

This is an Iheart podcast.

[Joe Getty]

Guaranteed human.

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[Jack Armstrong]

It's one more thing.

[Joe Getty]

Armstrong and Getty.

[Jack Armstrong]

One more thing. I thought I would be annoyed, but I was charmed. But first to follow up from was it the other day? I can't remember the one more thing where Michelangelo told his mystifying story of a maybe road rage thing. Attempt, rip off.

[Joe Getty]

I think it was. I think it was a scam. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jack Armstrong]

We did not get many theories about what was going on that held water at all. And if you didn't hear it, I believe it's August 5th. One more thing anyway.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah.

[Jack Armstrong]

Is that right two days ago or was that yesterday?

[Joe Getty]

It was yesterday.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yesterday. Okay. Yeah, I guess it was Wednesday. We skipped.

[Tony Ayo]

Yeah.

[Jack Armstrong]

All right, so it was August 6th. The only email worth mentioning is Rebecca from Sioux Falls who says, I work for a well known auto insurance company in the claims department. Listening to Michelangelo describe the incident accident he was almost in raised insurance fraud red flags for me. Common tactics. Scammers used to get insurance money, try to stage or cause an accident and typically have, oh, look, a third party. You witnessed the event and will testify

[Joe Getty]

you weren't here, right, Katie?

[Katie]

No, I was not.

[Joe Getty]

Very short version, somebody pulls in the parking lot. Michael almost got hit by a car. Then he pulls into the parking lot and somebody pulls up, says, hey, you almost hit me. Then somebody else shows up and says I was a witness. He almost hit him. Like what?

[Katie]

That screams scam to me.

[Joe Getty]

Well, yeah, but they didn't hit him. So what are you going to claim?

[Jack Armstrong]

Well, and that's the funny thing here's Rebecca. The fact that these people approached him after their attempt at causing an accident failed is mind boggling.

[Joe Getty]

Right Again. A lot of criminals are really stupid. The one person they say, hey, if you miss, we gotta abort, we gotta pull the plug and then try another person.

[Jack Armstrong]

How come? Because you didn't actually connect with them.

[Joe Getty]

I can't claim I saw a wreck if I didn't see a wreck.

[Jack Armstrong]

Then she said, I highly recommend dash cameras.

[Joe Getty]

So that's one thing I do like about the Tesla. I got everything on film all the time.

[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Ross Stores Announcer]

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[Jack Armstrong]

But the main topic of the podcast today, and I expected to be annoyed by this because it was from the New York Times, but I was not. I was actually amused. The premise of this article is, do you want to understand America? Look at our stuff. And this, this gal who wrote this, what's her name? Emily Keegan. Welcome to my Museum of America. 25 Things Objects that explain America. And I thought, it's frigging New York Times. The number of 16, 19 projects spelt and sons of bitches. Number one, the 499 Costco Rotisserie Chicken. They say we're a divided country. They say we have nothing in common. Right left, Urban, rural men, women, Real America, fake America. Spend a Saturday afternoon wandering the aisles of your nearest Costco. You'll find quickly that we are no different at all. Americans want the same thing. A $4.99 rotisserie chicken, $1.50 hot dog, and a cart full of enough stuff to survive a nuclear winter at Costco. We are one nation under God with bulk groceries for all.

[Joe Getty]

I'm glad the math works on that, and I suppose it does on me. I don't know if I've ever gone in there and just gotten the chicken and walked out, so.

[Jack Armstrong]

Right.

[Joe Getty]

But, man, that's a dang good chicken, especially for that price.

[Jack Armstrong]

Please. And virtually every grocery store in America does it now. And, you know, I've got a rotisserie on my fancy new grill that I need to use, but every time I think, oh, you know, it's delicious, a rotisserie chicken. And then I think, okay, I'll get a chicken. I'll get the spice cut off its head.

[Kyle McLaughlin]

I'll.

[Jack Armstrong]

Well, I think I'll get one pre decapitated. But, you know, I'll go ahead and spice her up. I'll fire up. I'll figure out how the rotisserie works. I'll fire up the grill, and I think I'm gonna go to the effing grocery store and buy one because they're really good. $5, $6, 7, $8. It doesn't matter, because they are really good. But let's continue on her Museum of America plastic lawn flamingos.

[Joe Getty]

We never had them. I always enjoyed people that did. My family never had the plastic lawn flamingo. Yes, Katie, you have a flamingo.

[Katie]

Oh, in the town where I grew up, you could actually flamingo somebody's house. There was a company that would take like 50 to the house and just cover the whole front lawn. Loved doing that.

[Joe Getty]

And in Wisconsin as a kid, the people who would dress them up for the season, you know, winter coats.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah. And what's funny, and I'm not going to read this whole thing because it's too long, but. And she writes up every item in a very funny way. She's a very clever writer, but this entire screed that she writes is about lawns, and not about lawn flamingos at all. But she says our lawns might be agriculturally worthless economic sinkholes requiring hard labor and constant maintenance. But the American urge to tame the wilderness by transforming it in our own image is hard to deny. What we once called pioneering, we now call mowing the grass. And I wonder if she's onto something there. Taming the wilderness, making it comfortable for ourselves and attractive. And I realize this is mostly humor, but I think she kind of made a good point there. Well, as if I Don't know that humor can make good points. And she goes with the Juicy Couture sweatsuit.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, there you go.

[Jack Armstrong]

A young Paris Hilton turned the leisure suit into a power suit by wearing Juicy Couture velour sets on the regular. It was a move that said, I'm so wealthy, I don't even have to get dressed.

[Joe Getty]

Well, and they look so thick and hot also. But apparently the. They look comfortable.

[Katie]

And they say juicy across the butt.

[Joe Getty]

Right. There's that aspect, which every dad just loves, the idea of their daughter wearing Juicy across their butt.

[Jack Armstrong]

The first time I saw that, I thought, am I seeing this, or is she wearing some sort of cartoon caption in my own head?

[Joe Getty]

Well, does she get credit for kind of launching the I'm not even gonna get dressed today movement that has caught on with so many people?

[Jack Armstrong]

She's certainly one of the founding mothers of them.

[Joe Getty]

No doubt. I live in a college town, and it's walking across in front of me at the stopwalk, crosswalk all the time.

[Katie]

Do you have any opinion about it? Because that is my husband's jihad. He gets so angry at pajama pants. Now.

[Joe Getty]

I don't know. I go back and forth between why do we wear uncomfortable clothes ever? And it says something about society and respect and how seriously do take things. So I go back and forth between those two things.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah, you know, it's funny. I'm. I'm. I'm back and forth on that too. Partly because, you know, I play a lot of golf and I have some golf pants, golf slacks that are incredibly comfortable. They're light, they're stretchy all the way around here.

[Joe Getty]

That's what they wear all the time. Yeah, like a T shirt and golf pants and tennis shoes.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah, I get out of those what people are getting out of the PJs, but I wouldn't wear PJs. And in public. I like this one. This is a little more wisdom and humor. The nascar. Chevy Impala. Nascar, like America, is built on the promise of transformation. Cars that look like the ones in our driveway are turned into elite machines capable of doing the unthinkable. That Impala you rented at the Tucson airport on the highway, it handled like a mattress souped up for the race track. It goes 200 mph and takes curves like a racehorse. NASCAR asks us to rethink our lives as full of possibility and gives us a reason to believe in the most American fantasy. With the pit crew, any of us can be champions.

[Joe Getty]

Wow. I don't know if I agree with that. But I like the writing. I do, too. I do, too.

[Jack Armstrong]

Then she goes with the ring light. Because the country, the world has reached peak opinion. Everybody has an opinion. Personal injury lawyer advertisements.

[Joe Getty]

Whoa. It's more now than it's ever been. Did something happen with insurance companies? Is it easier to scam money now than it used to be? Yes, it must be.

[Jack Armstrong]

Trial lawyers associations have become more and more powerful in more and more states

[Joe Getty]

because a friend of mine got hit with this recently, got into a minor fender bender. Guy said he was fine, asked several times, then got a letter like two weeks later. Guy was from Mexico. This person hired a. One of those people off a billboard from la and insurance company said, we'll take care of it. Just don't respond if they get a hold of you, don't answer any questions or anything like that. We'll take care of it. But I wonder, do they always pay out? They must always pay out. They must always pay out a little bit.

[Jack Armstrong]

Enough.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, enough that we got to fix that as a system. Half the billboards on the interstate shouldn't be saying, did you get Iraq? Did you get in Iraq?

[Tony Ayo]

Give me a call if you got

[Joe Getty]

in Iraq, because I'm going to screw somebody. And even though you're not hurt, it's

[Jack Armstrong]

by far the number one category on billboards in America. It's not even close to. And back to this gal's clever writing. She writes, you know, all of these commercials and what you're just saying might also be, oh, the sheer number probably implies we are a nation on the brink, battered and out for blood. But it also might also be proof of a successful republic. When John Adams wrote of, quote, an empire of laws and not of men, was he not dreaming of calling 1-800-GOT PIG? Oh, boy, that's some good sarcasm.

[Joe Getty]

A slightly different, more serious angle on that that I thought of the other day. I was riding with a guy in an Uber for some reason, and he was from India and somehow the topic came up. I always ask people about it, but he loves the United States and why do you love the United States? And all this sort of stuff. I don't know if an ambulance came by us or a cop car anyway, but he brought up the topic of. He said, this is the only country where an ambulance comes along and its lights are on and everybody moves out of the way. He said, in India, you're just screwed. Ambulances sit there with their lights on. Everybody knows they're going to emergency where somebody is having a heart attack or bleeding or Whatever. Nobody gets out of the way. They're not going to inconvenience themselves. You just have to wait in traffic like everyone else is an ambulance. He said, here in the United States, everybody gets out of the way or they'll fly a helicopter there if they need to pick you up and you had some sort of wreck. That doesn't happen anywhere else. And I thought, that's really interesting.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah, yeah, that's a great point. I'm not sure I want to do this one. It's about the. It's about a. Gwyneth Paltrow's goop company has put out a number of interesting products.

[Joe Getty]

I thought she died in the third movie with Iron Man. And then she turned out to be alive and has superpowers too. God dang it.

[Jack Armstrong]

Spoiler alert.

[Joe Getty]

I was so happy she died.

[Jack Armstrong]

It's. It's a personal pleasurement device. This is some funny writing. Is it, Is it the.

[Katie]

It's the egg. Yeah.

[Joe Getty]

Do you put it on top of you or in you?

[Jack Armstrong]

Do you just hold it?

[Joe Getty]

Do you hold it gently in your hand?

[Jack Armstrong]

No, the second one.

[Joe Getty]

You sit on it like a hand. Yes, exactly. Michael. We thought of the same thing at the same time. You sit on it like a chicken.

[Jack Armstrong]

Well, you can make that noise if you like. That's not the noise I make. I'm reminded, oh, for God's sake, stop doing that. Hanson uses these for on air segments when we're on vacation. And if I read the sentence, it will be useless for that purpose.

[Joe Getty]

And if I say I crow like a rooster when I orgasm, that'll ruin it.

[Katie]

Well, ruined my day.

[Jack Armstrong]

Something's ruined. It's ruined. I'm going to cleanse it slightly. She writes, why this is such a great example of America. When asked to shove an egg shaped rock up our JJ's for $66, a healthier nation might have said heck no instead of how far. But in lieu of a functioning health care system, we'll take what we can get. There's a little politics.

[Joe Getty]

Somebody says jump, don't ask how high.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Getty]

I also walk like this. I get out of bed and I walk around like stuff like this.

[Jack Armstrong]

He's, he's, he's rooster strut and stop it. Never do that again. Dirty soda. They mentioned in the museum of what is America? The T shirt canon.

[Joe Getty]

What's I gotta, I gotta back. Just because it keeps coming up in my life and I don't know what it is. What's dirty soda? Every place I go, they got dirty soda. I Don't know what it is.

[Jack Armstrong]

It's an ungodly concoction of soda pop, flavored syrup, fresh fruit juice and cream.

[Joe Getty]

Okay, man. It's the hot thing, man. Oh, you don't drink dirty soda. A number of people have said to me recently.

[Jack Armstrong]

She says it once was popular only in Utah. It's become a nationwide sensation thanks to a cadre of teetotal Mormon influencers who drink doctored up sodas instead of coffee and booze.

[Joe Getty]

I didn't know that's where it came from, but yeah, it's super popular in the. They charge a lot for it.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah. Yeah. Back to the T shirt cannon. The T shirt can emerge as three American obsessions. Guns, sports and freebie giveaways.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, that's pretty good.

[Jack Armstrong]

That is a very American thing. The T shirt can crest white strips.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, there you go.

[Jack Armstrong]

We are not the happiest nation on earth, but we are probably the smiliest. Continuing on the the Pizza Hut lamp. In some countries, stained glass is reserved for the holiest of spaces. Grand cathedrals and stately palaces. In America, Tiffany style glass is for everybody.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, wow.

[CarMax Announcer]

That's right.

[Joe Getty]

Those kind of lamps. Is that what they're called? Tiffany lamps? Real ones are crazy expensive, but yeah, the Pizza Hut decided to have them at Pizza Hut. That's what we'll do.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Katie]

Amp it up a little.

[Jack Armstrong]

I meant to say this at the outset. The whole tone of this reminds me of the folks who came to the US for the World cup and had a lot of their like negative illusions of the country blown up and it went away saying, these are the most friendly people on earth. This country is crazy fun. The stores are nuts.

[Joe Getty]

My God, this is amazing.

[Jack Armstrong]

Welcome to our land. I hope you had a great time. Come back anytime you want. Anyway. Blinged up Crocs.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah.

[Jack Armstrong]

So American. Yeah.

[Joe Getty]

My son just got a pair of blinged up slip on vans he really likes.

[Tony Ayo]

Wow.

[Jack Armstrong]

Okay. All right. Blingin blinging your shoes. Wherever, whatever sort. The tree shaped air freshener.

[Joe Getty]

Since it doesn't actually smell like a tree. You gotta try to put that imagery in your mind since it smells like chemicals of some sort.

[Jack Armstrong]

It says pine, but no pine has ever. No grown on God's earth with that stank. So they shape it like a pine tree. Exactly. To convince you. I guess. I don't know. Anyway, she says we can be our true selves in our cars. That's true. The George Foreman Grill. Dude Wipes xl. Back before the big sewerage got together and told us we can't use wipes anymore. Sad desk salad in the Museum of America.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, that's funny.

[Jack Armstrong]

Oh, boy. Ring doorbell camera.

[Joe Getty]

So is the sad desk salad, because in other countries they don't probably eat lunch at their desk. I know my friends in Italy, the idea of sitting at your desk and working as opposed to going out to a restaurant and doing the full two hour lunch would have been crazy.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah. The very few times I've actually worked in Europe.

[Tony Ayo]

Yeah.

[Jack Armstrong]

Lunch is lunch and it includes a glass of wine or two. Yeah, Generally.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah. The ring doorbell camera. Have we always been so scared of strangers? She asks, moving along. The red Solo cup, quintessential expression of American industrial design. A new take on an old standard made plastic, disposable and extra strong so it can withstand the pressures of a mosh pit, parking lot or beer. Po Hong tournament.

[Joe Getty]

Yep, they are. They are quite the product. They're so sturdy. That's fantastic.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah. Quoth Toby Keith, sir, you, sir, do not have a pair of testicles if you prefer drinking from glass. That's right, the great sage Toby Keith. I don't know. This real tree print.

[Katie]

Oh, that's the, that's like a form of camouflage.

[Jack Armstrong]

The photorealistic camo print. Not only for like camo, but travel mugs, street wear, like upholstery for chairs.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, yeah. Everywhere.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Joe Getty]

Wonder why that is just a fashion, I guess. I don't know.

[Jack Armstrong]

She says the further Americans get from living in the forest, the more desperate we are to touch grass.

[Joe Getty]

I don't know.

[Jack Armstrong]

Maybe that's true. I don't know. Well, let's see, what else do we have? The bottomless basket of chips and salsa.

[Joe Getty]

Hell yeah. Or French fries if you're a red robin. Yeah.

[Jack Armstrong]

Oh, the live love, live laugh love sign. Oh, boy. For such optimistic people, we sure do need constant reminders to cheer up. Oh, boy. Yeah. The dog stroller. Oh, Lord.

[Katie]

I had a weird moment leaving a restaurant the other day and I had my son in his regular stroller and I was right next to a woman who had a Yorkie in her stroller.

[Joe Getty]

Man, it was an odd moment. Had that conversation many times with my, my kids, my, my son, my oldest, partially because living at home and we had lots of dogs all the time and they were a lot. And so he's kind of anti dogs because of that experience and. But he, he can't imagine, like when we're traveling, the number of people that have their dogs with him. He always says, that looks so miserable. You know, they're Fighting the dog in the lobby at the hotel and trying to do this and everything like it. And I agree, I don't want to take my dogs with me when I go to hotels and stuff like that, but so the other day we saw somebody. They. They crossed in front of us, and he's got a double stroller and he's walking two dogs. And I thought, oh, my God. So you're dealing with the two little kids and you're walking the dogs at the same time. That's a lot. Then when I pulled by them, I realized he had two little dogs in the front of the stroller while walking. Two bigger dogs and four dogs. Two in the stroller. Two. He's walking. Wow.

[Jack Armstrong]

Wow.

[Joe Getty]

All right, dude.

[Jack Armstrong]

All right. Final exhibits in the music.

[Joe Getty]

Because the dogs can't walk or they don't want to walk. Is it like the Will Ferrell from Saturday Night Live? He doesn't walk. He hates it.

[Jack Armstrong]

Well, in the case of that dude, he has two big dogs that can go for miles and two little dogs that have tiny little legs.

[Joe Getty]

All right, but they're so. They're riding in a stroller so they can see the neighborhood.

[Jack Armstrong]

Good question. Change of scene. I don't know. Does a dog think, my God, these four walls, I'm going crazy. Final few exhibits in the Museum of America. The gas station bathroom key. She talks about the ritual humiliation of asking the attendant for the bathroom key, then galloping down the aisles holding a giant keychain. Traditionally, one is no smaller than a wooden spoon and no larger than a 10 pound turkey. Escaping with it is nearly impossible. You know what it is? It's a great, practical American innovation. It's not escaping with it. It's forgetting you had it. You can't possibly forget it or lose it. Which is something bathrooms probably dealt with 50,000 times. Then some guy thought, I'm gonna put about a foot and a half of a 2x4, attach it to that damn cage.

[Joe Getty]

Big, giant chunk of heavy metal, right?

[Jack Armstrong]

And then I'll take a sharpie and write bathroom on it. Final couple of exhibits. Botox. The world's greatest melting pot is increasingly made up of a bunch of faces that look the same.

[Joe Getty]

That's pretty funny.

[Jack Armstrong]

We may look ridiculous irl, but on camera, we are glowing. Adios, laugh lines. The future is deadpan. I had to get some plastic surgery because of cancer removal on my nose. And the, the. The place where I went, everybody was delightful and helpful, probably because they make lots of money. But everybody was so botoxed, it was Like a weird Stepford Wives thing. I mean, all the women there had had work done and they were all botoxed.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, I ran into that the other day, too. I don't remember what kind of doctor's office it was, but everybody had the Jeff Bezos wife look that worked there.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah. And finally, and this is like probably the last exhibit in the museum, the one that you say, wow, this was a day well spent. Ladies and gentlemen, perhaps the most American thing of all. The inflatable tube man who waved is in the wind.

[Joe Getty]

We got a big tent sale going on here from Family Guy.

[Katie]

Wacky inflatable arm foiling tube man.

[CarMax Announcer]

Yes.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yes. Thirty years after he was created for the 1996 Atlanta Olympics.

[Joe Getty]

Really, Jack, you were one of the

[Jack Armstrong]

first people on earth to witness inflatable tube.

[Joe Getty]

I was at that Olympics. I didn't.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No.

[Joe Getty]

Is in the presence of budding greatness.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yep. 30 years after Tuban has become a fixture of the American strip mall, he, who is once a work of art, is now selling used cars in downhouse downtown San Jose. It's hard not to see ourselves in this giant, wiggly goofball. We too are happy idiots flailing around outside the vape shop. We too, were once works of art, but now we've got to make a living. Capitalism comes for everyone.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, that's funny. Those things must be incredibly cheap. But they are.

[Jack Armstrong]

Oh, boy. I. I have never priced one.

[Joe Getty]

They get your attention, though. You can't help but look over there. Well, look at that.

[Jack Armstrong]

And you can't help but watch it for a minute.

[Katie]

I do have my. My doctor has a desk size one.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, I want it. I want that, too. You. Could I get one like yard size for my house?

[Katie]

Oh, yeah, I bet you could.

[Joe Getty]

But that's my yard.

[Katie]

She hits the little button and it.

[Joe Getty]

You know, that's fantastic. Gotta have mud.

[Jack Armstrong]

God bless America.

[Joe Getty]

Well, rotisserie chicken for me tonight for dinner. Well, I guess that's it.

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