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Jack Armstrong
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human hey, this is US Olympic gold medalist Tara Davis Woodhull and I'm
Joe Getty
US Paralympic gold medalist Hunter Woodhull.
Jack Armstrong
As athletes, our lives are about having
Dave
a clear path and a team that you can absolutely trust.
Jack Armstrong
So when it came to getting the best mortgage, we chose PennyMac. PennyMac is proud to be the official mortgage provider of Team USA and you
Joe Getty
learn more at pennymac.com pennymac loan services llc/housing lender nmls id 35953 licensed by the Department of Financial Protection and Innovation under the California Res Residential Mortgage Lending Act. Conditions and restrictions may apply.
Jack Armstrong
There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. Stand still. Not a chance. You're a lifelong learner who's come this far. Now we are here to help you keep going further. Capella University what can't you do? Visit capella.edu to learn more.
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Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With it all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com Disclosures Life
Jack Armstrong
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Dave
Broadcasting live from the Abraham Lincoln radio studio at the George Washington Broadcast Center,
Jack Armstrong
Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty Armstrong and get.
Joe Getty
And now here's Armstrong and Yeti.
Dave
Keepers gave Punch that stuffed animal, which is from Swedish furniture brand Ikea.
Joe Getty
It sells for just under 20 bucks.
Dave
Punch's mom became a popular item after his overnight fame. An IKEA store in Singapore said the plushie has been sold out since Monday.
Joe Getty
On auction sites they're going for as much as 350 bucks.
Dave
So this is a story of Punch the monkey we talked a little bit about yesterday that's gone national about the little monkey that was abandoned by its mom and then shunned by the rest of the tribe group. What do you call a group of monkeys? Herd heard.
Joe Getty
I don't. Depends on the monkey. But anyways, the monkey is not a euphemism for oh, it is anything.
Dave
Oh, it is, absolutely is. Don't be knocking my hobbies. Let's not, let's not get these all confused. But Punch is just the name of a monkey. And so they gave the monkey a little stuffed animal and then it seemed to be feeling a little better for the companionship since its mom had abandoned it. And then the tribe, the monkey, the rest of the monkeys had shunned it and it really got attached to stuffed animal. And now the stuffed animals sold out because that's what we do. And I don't know why. And I don't, I don't know why all these things happen. I don't know who you are. I feel like I don't know have never known any of the people that participate in these sorts of things as much.
Joe Getty
I may be the bitterest, most anti Internet trend personalized and I've got a couple that as I said yesterday, make me want to commit mass murder. This though I was thinking about it, is this just advertising
Dave
people?
Joe Getty
An enormous number of people became aware that there is a stuffed animal that looks like this and they thought oh, that's, that's a love letter that appeals to them for whatever reason. Every reason any stuffed animal appeals to anybody. And they bought it. I don't know. Or is it a bunch of Lemmings who just do what they see online.
Dave
Or it's all ironically, like, your girlfriend's into the punch the monkey story. Oh, and you get her the monkey.
Joe Getty
Oh, that's kind of sweet. You're a good boyfriend. Well done. Sir or madam, don't ask, don't tell.
Dave
Unless your boyfriend ever visited Epstein Island. That's my transition.
Joe Getty
Oh, that's a good one.
Dave
Hillary Clinton's gonna testify. I'm just look at, watching the news, all the different TV stations. See how much there I'm looking at. NBC's got it right now. ABC's got it right now. CNN's got it right now. All are reporting about Hillary testifying in the whole Epstein thing, even though she didn't have that much to do with it. I had something good on that. Since I just brought it up myself.
Joe Getty
I meant to suggest to the fellows, we got to have that Clinton thing, like have her say it three times in a row. It's too short. It doesn't translate. As they say in the show business. Business. Clinton, Clinton, Clinton. There you go.
Dave
A lot of people are dropping the T on Clinton if you're a young person now for some reason. Anyhow, this is what's really going on with the obscene story and why it's the lead story on MSNBC all day long. And it's going to get a fair amount of attention. It's both real and not real at the same time. So we're still finding stuff, or news organizations are finding stuff because it was 3 million documents and thousands of hours of video and hundreds of thousands of pictures. So it takes a long time to go through all that stuff. And I think it's NPR that first found this. Now a number, number of news organizations are on it. On it. There's an index somewhere in the Epstein files of all the FBI investigations that had been done. The index indicates that there were interviews with a woman, an underage woman claiming she had sex with Donald Trump. The index says there are interviews like that. The memos regarding the interviews don't exist. They weren't released. It looks like, like a whole, like all the other ones. Like, you know, and there's all kinds of crap in there. As we talked about a couple of weeks ago, there's a. There's a. They interviewed a. A woman to try to nail down whether she actually was at a party and saw George H.W. bush.
Joe Getty
Now, this is harsh.
Dave
Now, this is not for the kids. Oh, right. If a woman was at a party and saw George H.W. bush rape a baby. Then cut it into pieces with a knife, cut out the intestines, and then eat the contents of it. That's what it says in one of the memos. Now, maybe you're capable of believing that actually happened. I'm not. The FBI was not. They basically said this person is a crackpot. They couldn't substantiate any of the things a person said.
Joe Getty
But the letters did turn out to be W and not George H.W. that may be my darkest joke ever, that is. Where were we?
Dave
So they hang on to that stuff, though, in an investigation, because that's what you do. You hang on to all this paperwork. But they never pursued it or anything. It doesn't mean anything. Well, it means there's a crackpot somewhere that either said that to get their jollies or actually believes it. Who knows which. This Trump thing is almost certainly the same sort of thing. It's somebody who said some stuff. They looked into it and decided there's no there there, or not enough there to investigate any further, but including in
Joe Getty
the years the Democrats were in charge of everything.
Dave
But it looks like maybe Trump's Justice Department held back that stuff. And that doesn't look good. That's a bad look. They didn't want the George H.W. bush memo about raping and eating a baby. They didn't want that, even though it's fanciful and ridiculous. And the FBI said there's no there there. They didn't want the. The testimony of the woman out.
Joe Getty
So they didn't understand your. Your introduction that it was both a real and not real controversy.
Dave
Yeah, I think they actually held back stuff that would have looked bad for Trump, even though it's not real, or at least it wasn't real enough to pursue as an investigation or a prosecution which ends up doing them more harm than good.
Joe Getty
Sure, yeah. You know, I haven't seen the information, obviously. I would be tempted to say, no, no, no, no. Number one, we can't do that because the COVID up is always what screws you. And number two, when the media goes crazy over what is clearly a crackpot report, we can discredit them further. So it's fine. But I'll read the. I haven't seen the content.
Dave
I'll read the AP's version, and there's lots of versions of it out there. The announcement followed news reports saying that a massive tranche of records released by the Justice Department Department did not include several summaries of interviews that the FBI conducted with an unidentified woman who came forward after Epstein's 2019 arrest and claimed to have been sexually assaulted by both Trump and Epstein who when she was a minor in the 80s. I know people personally well, MSNBC for instance, they are just, they are just reporting this as if, well, this is self evidently he, he was either guilty or, or guilty enough that they had to hide these. I think it's dumb that they held them back and it's doing them more harm than good. I'll just read from Mark Halperin's News Summary today. If the Biden administration had real information that this was a serious accusation, they would have prosecuted Trump obviously. Yeah.
Joe Getty
They went to extraordinary lengths to make up crap with which to prosecute him or for which to prosecute him. Yeah.
Dave
The idea that the Biden administration would have held onto this information and kept
Joe Getty
it secret is, no, it's beyond idiotic. Nobody could believe it unless they were,
Dave
you know, going on, believe anything going on. To this particular pundit's point of view, the dirty little secret here is the identity and credibility of the accuser. The FBI apparently didn't think it was credible enough, but that will that person come forward if they're still alive. But the failure to release the documents originally is an act of either incompetence or cover up and are about to find out before too long which it was. Why did you do that? I think it's probably cover up. I doubt it's just a coincidence of all those gazillions of documents that it was incompetence in not releasing those.
Joe Getty
Yeah, yeah.
Dave
Trump has, he covered up a non crime which people do all the time and it makes them look guilty.
Joe Getty
Yeah, I know it's going to be inconvenient when it comes out, but just let it come out. Trump has kind of like a DEI for loyal people, people who are loyal to a fault even if they're not quite qualified. He keeps them in place. And I get it after the first term and his ill treatment by the media and the swamp and the rest of it, I understand it to some extent but yeah, some of his folks I don't think are serving him well. They're not the sharpest tools in the drawer but.
Dave
Well, they might have thought with millions of pages nobody was going to catch on to this, but people are still digging and there's an index that references these documents and now they're not there. So, yeah, this, you know, you just, you handed your opponents a good weapon on this one.
Joe Getty
Yeah. Unfortunately, speaking of handing people weapons and using them, we're about to be at war.
Dave
With Iran.
Joe Getty
Why don't we talk about the very last round of talks that are happening today, what we're asking and what Iran is saying about it? Here's a hint. No blanking way.
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There's an agreement.
Dave
Here's a good headline. Uber's set to launch flying taxis in Dubai.
Joe Getty
Well, if I ever find myself needing to get from here to there in Dubai, I will take a look.
Dave
Is that coming to LA or any other clogged metro area? That'd be pretty cool.
Joe Getty
Until, as you're always predicting, the air is clogged with them and the deaths come fast and furious. Because we have no way to keep anybody in a lane.
Dave
Bodies and planes raining from the sky. Yes, that would be a problem.
Joe Getty
Exactly.
Dave
Okay, we got more on the ways to here, Armstrong and Getty so do
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Jack Armstrong
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Joe Getty
and finally, Bloomberg published an article this week on the cheaper cuts of beef Americans are consuming amid rising prices. You know what that means. The McHuff is back. On a more serious note, US Envoy Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner are entering a crucial round of talks over Iran's nuke program today. They are coming with tough demands, according to the Journal, under pressure from hawks in the administration, Republicans in Congress to not agree to a deal that could be criticized as soft. That's an interesting way to characterize it. I would characterize it as you don't want to agree to a deal that doesn't work and ends up with Iran having nukes. Damn liberal journalists. Anyway, in the talks now underway in Geneva, the US Negotiators are expected to make clear Iran must dismantle its three main nuclear sites. Fordo, you may recall that as a smoking wreck, a hulk. Recently, Natanz And Isfahan. So they need to dismantle those three sites. Sites and deliver all of their remaining enriched uranium to the US So far the Iranians have said ironically, pound sand
Dave
and I would imagine with some pretty strict and real, you know, getting in there and looking at the sites and all that sort of stuff, inspections in a way that they, you know, oftentimes we've agreed to inspections and then you let them slide, which sucks.
Joe Getty
Yeah, yeah. Iran, of course, has warned it would treat any attack, however limited, as a trigger for an all out response. Spicy times. So speaking of the international scene, Americans are leaving the United States in unprecedented numbers. And we'll tell you why coming up later on in the hour.
Dave
People like Rosie O' Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres. You mean that kind of leaving the United States?
Joe Getty
Nah, it's more economics.
Dave
Okay. I can't wait to see the leaks start to come out on the grill. And the Hillary Clinton. Oh, we also need to talk more about the, the attack on that boat that was headed to Cuba and what's going on there. And Marco Rubio is being a grown up, one of the few grown ups that left that seem to be in the world saying, well, we're gonna wait till we get the facts and I'll comment on it after that. No, no, that's not what you do. You jump to, you jump to an assumption.
Joe Getty
But yeah, yeah, who knows? The, the realm of possibilities from what might happen coming out of this are enormous. Virtually anything and yet inaction is its own action. So we'll all find out together, I guess. So do we have time for this? Yeah, I guess we do. In its 250th years, America, land of immigration, becoming a country of emigration. Last year, more people moved out than moved in for the first time since the Great Depression. Now part of it is immigration, obviously sealing the borders.
Dave
Wait a second, how much of it is then?
Joe Getty
A significant amount, but I wouldn't get hung up on that statistic. America's own citizens are leaving in record numbers, replanting themselves and their families in lands they find more affordable. Portugal, safe Portugal. Yeah, Actually they mentioned in the cobblestone streets of Lisbon, so many Americans are snapping up apartments that the newest arrivals complain they mostly hear English, not Portuguese, in their neighborhood.
Dave
I know three families going to Portugal. One's already gone tour headed.
Joe Getty
Wow, that's crazy. I know one of every 15 residents in Dublin's trendy Grand Canal dock district was born in the US which is a higher percentage than the Americans born in Ireland during the giant 19th century potato famine, influx of Irish people. So we're in. We're. They gotta have an Alice island or something over there. For all the Americans flowing into Ireland, in Bali, Colombia, Thailand, the strains of housing American remote workers paid in dollars have inspired locals to mount protests against a wave of gentrification. So it's. It's a lot of remote work is one factor here. But also real estate prices have climbed so fast in the US you sell your place in the US you realize all of that on paper wealth you've accumulated, then you go to a country that A, is much cheaper to live in, B is a little more like America used to be in that every town has its own stores, is more laid back. There's no strip mall. Hell, you get a nice place with a nice view, you sip coffee down at the cafe, and it's a pretty nice lifestyle for a lot of people. That's it.
Dave
It's not.
Joe Getty
Some people are trying to characterize it as, what do they call it, the Trump exodus or something, but. No, it's not.
Dave
No, no, no, no, no, man. I just. I mean, I'm not built the way other people are built, but the last thing I would want to do is go somewhere where everybody in the neighborhood in this foreign country is from the United States. I just. I don't. I don't know. That's not what I want.
Joe Getty
But, yeah, I would like some of each. Here's this gal who moved to Yucatan, Mexico, in 2024, and she has a company that organizes scouting trips for clients. When they. They started this in 2024, they organized three scouting trips. This year, it will be 57.
Dave
Wow.
Joe Getty
Our goal, she says, is to move 1 million Americans. Holy cow, here it is. Some comment idiotically labeled this wave of American immigrants the Donald Dash, blah, blah, blah. But it's not.
Dave
Now, one of the Portuguese families that I know specifically are leaving because the country is so awful under Trump, or that's what they claim.
Joe Getty
They're crazy people and silly. Although they're very wealthy, there are a handful of European countries that I've been to that I would live there. I would willingly live there. Absolutely. They're just extremely pleasant and laid back.
Dave
Well, yeah, to me, that's not the problem. Am I gonna live that far away from my kids and then try to figure out how often we get together and all that sort of stuff?
Joe Getty
That's the main reason I don't.
Dave
Right.
Joe Getty
We don't. Yeah. Too much family, too many ties here. But I get it.
Dave
What did you have next? You have something good.
Joe Getty
Oh well, we were gonna talk about that absolutely horrific release of a child rapist. He raped children over and over again and Gavin Newsom in California are gonna set him loose for the worst of the woke reasons.
Dave
It's really, really maddening. Stay tuned for that story.
Jack Armstrong
Armstrong and Getty
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Joe Getty
if he gets out, you know, who
Dave
knows if he'll do it again? You know, I was told that he fantasizes still about, you know, children and stuff.
Joe Getty
Like, why would you let this man out?
Dave
If this is what this man is
Jack Armstrong
saying, you know, when he gets out,
Dave
how do you not know if, if he will continue?
Jack Armstrong
He's a serial sex offender and it
Joe Getty
is a description of a California child molester once described by a judge as, quote, the monster parents fear the most. David Allen Funston, who a Sacramento county jury found guilty of 16 felony counts for a series of a abductions and rapes of children involving children younger than seven. He received more than 20 years in prison, plus three consecutive terms of 25 years to life. Consecutive.
Dave
So three life sentences?
Joe Getty
Well, 25 years to life, yeah.
Dave
Wow, you got to be a bad guy to get that.
Joe Getty
After serving more than two decades behind bars, he became eligible for consideration under California's elderly parole program. Let me cut to the chase here. Gavin Newsom and the progressives in California and Gavi, by the way, says, well, I'm against releasing this guy. Gavi has enthusiastically endorsed every single piece of legislation that has led to these monsters being turned loose on the streets. Monsters of various sorts. So now he claims he's against it. That is hypocrisy of the worst sort. But anyway, the woke In California have been. Have come up with half a dozen different ways to turn everybody loose from prison.
Dave
They can.
Joe Getty
Whether, oh, you're, you're just in prison because of your race. You're just in prison because you're transgender. You're just in prison because of whatever. You're old. We should turn them loose too. They're trying to empty out the prisons and this guy is just a particularly egregious case of, my God, how could we even consider that? Longtime friend of the Armstrong and Yeti show, Sacramento County Sheriff Jim Cooper weighing in.
Sheriff Jim Cooper
There are some folks that deserve a second chance in life. Someone that does these type of things, they don't deserve a second chance. Second chance in life. What are we coming to as a society here in California that is okay with this to let him out?
Dave
Well, you're ignoring science. If you give a second chance to someone who rapes and abducts children, their brains don't work. They don't get better. They don't at some point say it's youthful indiscretion or whatever like some crimes can be. You don't get fixed. At least there's never been any science to show that you can be fixed. Whatever's wrong with you is still wrong with you. And how old is the guy that's getting out?
Joe Getty
64.
Dave
Like I said the other day, when I was young, you might have convinced me that, well, somebody who's 64 no longer has any sexual interest. Now that I'm in my 60s, I realize that's not true. So that guy's as dangerous as he ever was.
Joe Getty
Right, Coop? Sheriff Cooper goes on.
Sheriff Jim Cooper
And in California, it's battle after battle when it comes to our children. A few years ago, we're fighting human trafficking of a child that wasn't a violent felony. Had to fight to get it passed. They got it passed. Now we're dealing with mental health aversion. You can kill your one year old infant and get your record expunged and go work with other kids. What in the hell is going on in California? 100%. What is happening in our state. This cannot happen. Is not okay.
Joe Getty
So the Department of Corrections parole board said, yeah, we're going to turn this guy loose. Gav Gov. Gav. Knowing, oh my God, this is going to really queer. My presidential hopes. Referred the case back to the parole board board of parole hearings for further review by majority, blah, blah, blah. And at a recent meeting, the board panel reaffirmed its decision recommending that Funston receive parole.
Dave
This could be his Willie Horton if you're old enough to remember that with Michael Dukakis way back in the day, yeah, they had a letting people out thing going there in his home state as a presidential candidate, and it haunted him the entire time he ran against H.W. bush.
Joe Getty
Sheriff Cooper said he personally reviewed the original case reports and victim statements and questioned how the parole board could reach a different conclusion. And I quote, what's ironic is the parole board read the same reports that I'm reading. How the hell did they come to the conclusion that they did versus what I came to? Another friend of the Armstrong and Getty show, Kevin Kiley, the congressman who will be districted or gerrymandered out of his seat by Gavin Newsom, soon said this. I mean, this is an individual who was described at his sentencing hearing by the judge as the monster that parents fear most. The judge said, there is no man on earth that is deserving of this sentence as you. He got three life sentences. He had 16 counts of kidnapping and child molestation. He had at least eight victims, ages 4 to 7 that he would lure to his car using candy and toys. He would kidnap them, abuse them, molest them, leave them on the side of the road. So this is absolutely horrifying.
Dave
That is literally like the textbook worst case nightmare for parents.
Joe Getty
Sacramento County District Attorney Tien Ho sharply criticized the decision in a statement, quote, this defendant is the worst of the worst. A child predator who lures, grabs, kidnaps and assaults children. He will reoffend and is a ticking time bomb. We vehemently oppose the early release of this extremely violent predator. This is yet another example that highlights how elder parole is a broken law that results in broken promises and broken lives.
Dave
Story.
Joe Getty
It is.
Dave
Yeah, it's. So your thinking is that the Marxists are all for throwing open the prisons and causing chaos and all that sort of stuff?
Joe Getty
Yeah. For instance, it's a fundamental plank of the Democratic Socialists of America to decarcerate all the inmates.
Dave
But the people that go along with this that just, you know, think they're doing the right thing, how do you come to this conclusion? I don't know what's wrong with your brain.
Joe Getty
They're just very weak willed. The Marxists hit them with a quasi moral sounding argument. These people have served many years in prison, now they're elderly. It's if you're over 50, for God's sake. And now we should look at them and maybe see if they're rehabilitated.
Dave
I don't care if you're 98. If you lured a 4 year old to your car with candy, then raped the girl. You don't ever get out.
Joe Getty
Why they.
Dave
I'd be all for beating him to death with a hammer. So I'm pretty hardcore on this.
Joe Getty
Well, I'd love to see you on the parole board. Yeah. What if you did that over and over and over again? The state of California wants to turn you loose. It's astonishing.
Dave
But I knew a guy personally who had a life sentence for murder who had it commuted. And he was 100%. I was 100% okay with the fact that he got out. He'd been in for 20, almost 20 years. He killed a guy at a party with a gun when he was 19. His gang adjacent and it was other gang bangers around. And when he was 19 years old as a. And he was drunk and everything like that. Anyway, he got sober in prison. He. I knew him after I knew him and he was 40 years old and he got his sentence commuted by Jerry Brown for some reason, like he had no idea. He thought he was going to spend the rest of his life in prison with no reason to think he wouldn't. Wow. And Jerry Brown commuted his sentence and he got out and he. I don't know, just the time I spent with him seemed like a person that, you know, it's the classic. You were young and stupid and did something young and stupid and you're not gonna do that again. There's no reason for me to think he's ever even gonna own a gun
Joe Getty
again, let alone everybody who's in a situation like he was in. Certainly does not show a proclivity to do that over and over again. I mean, it's not like it's something inside of him. So I get the difference. That's exactly what Spain human does.
Dave
It's exact opposite of people whose brains are wired in such a way that
Joe Getty
they have sexual desire for four year
Dave
olds that doesn't get fixed ever.
Joe Getty
Yeah, yeah. I actually have a small reserve of sympathy for a guy like that. Not ultimately, but you know what I mean. In that he is tortured by urges that lead him to do the most despicable things you can imagine. Will always be tortured by those urges. But I'm an adult, so I can think, man, that must suck. And you must be kept away from humans, especially, especially children until you are dead.
Dave
It's self evident. Gavin's got to be worried about this.
Joe Getty
And again, his protestations are hilarious. This is the fruit of the trees he planted with enthusiasm. He rammed these policies through.
Dave
Yeah, man, that's a troubling story.
Joe Getty
Whoa. Well, I think enough folks in enough places and Gavin himself, the lying hypocrite, are aware of the horror of this, that I suspect it won't happen. But we'll see. We'll let you know, certainly. Oh, speaking of crime in California, gotta dig into the head of the LA school district, the second biggest school district in America. It's got the FBI going through his house and combing through his records and stuff like that.
Dave
Yeah, what's going on there? So you got at least one of the women's hockey teams that has come out and said some anti Trump stuff, anti the men going to the White House stuff and why you gotta do that?
Joe Getty
Just, just shut up and stick handle. Right.
Dave
Anyway, so maybe we'll get to that. I don't know. It kind of makes me tired. Hope you can stick around Armstrong and Getty
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Jack Armstrong
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Joe Getty
Dunkin has begun offering iced coffee in 48 ounce buckets that have a handle, lid and straw.
Dave
Which is handy because after 48 ounces of coffee you're gonna need a bucket. That's one of the reasons I switch to espresso shots, mostly for my coffee. I just pee less but I get my caffeine.
Joe Getty
Wow, thanks. Keep us up to date. That's great.
Dave
I just don't like the peeing though, as he was just welcome to Hanging
Joe Getty
with Old People featuring Jack Armstrong.
Dave
I don't think it's just old people. I don't think that Seth Meyers joke was aimed at the just the old 48 ounces of coffee. And coffee's a diuretic.
Joe Getty
You're gonna pee a lot like a racehorse. You're absolutely right. Quick follow up. Armstrong loves coffee. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
Dave
Okay.
Joe Getty
Well during the last segment talking about the horrific child rapist who's going to be released, perhaps in California because of the progressive laws, a good friend of the Armstrong and Getty Show Judge Larry texted when a Judge imposes a sentence like that, three life sentences. It is the judge saying, based on everything I know about the crimes in the defendant, the defendant, the defendant should never be released back on the street. And that should carry much more weight than politically appointed parole board members. Amen to that.
Dave
I need my alert sound effect that we use, Michael. Whatever or whatever that is that we play. So, yeah, there you go. Mercury is in retrograde, people. Mercury is in retrograde.
Joe Getty
What we feared the most.
Dave
I don't know. I don't know much about this, but I hear people mention it now and then. And if you're into the whole astrological signs thing, Mercury is in retrograde starting today through March 20th. And if you're a Pisces, it is going to be a doozy this year according to astrologers.
Joe Getty
Wow.
Dave
Do you understand what that means?
Joe Getty
Not the slightest. I mean, I've heard it a million times.
Dave
Well, I probably have two. And I could easily chat GPT it if I wanted to, but I don't care enough to even learn about it. But it's pretty interesting to me that astrological signs still have any heft whatsoever. But they do, apparently. I've talked about that. That online dating profiles and stuff, that everybody puts their I their sign in there.
Joe Getty
Why? Look, I. I don't want to offend anybody.
Sheriff Jim Cooper
I do.
Joe Getty
I have 308 jihads. This is not one of them. Yeah, it's. It's all ridiculous.
Dave
Your head is soft.
Joe Getty
Oh, boy.
Dave
You should wear a helmet everywhere you go.
Joe Getty
Oh, no, see, that's unnecessarily. Oh, no, no. Good God. I think I'm a different sign than I used to be because they changed what dates are covered. And I don't care. I'm still me. Shouldn't I have changed character completely when that was done? Shouldn't I become a different person with a different fate when they rejiggered the calendar? No, of course not, because it's ridiculous.
Dave
Having said what I said, I did spend a good deal of my life back when newspapers were a thing, like an actual paper. I always read the comics and it had the horoscopes at the bottom, and I always read it. I don't know why, but I always read, what's it say about Pisces today? And I would read it. You're going to have a fantastic day. Blah, blah, blah.
Joe Getty
I read the fortunes in Chinese cookies. Fortune cookies. But I don't take them seriously.
Dave
Yes, Katie, Whenever someone starts talking about
Joe Getty
this seriously, I always go, oh, no,
Dave
Mercury's in Gatorade again. What?
Joe Getty
Some excellent deflation. Yes.
Dave
That's pretty funny.
Joe Getty
By the way, something fortune cookie. Fortunes are terrible these days.
Dave
Yeah, they've gotten worse. My kids always complain about anything. They're not a fortune. I don't know what happened, but they're not like humor.
Joe Getty
They're not. The ones Judy and I got were something like family is where you find love. Thanks for that. What the hell? Pretty soon there'll be ads. I'm just trying to enjoy a meal. A succulent Chinese meal. I don't need you philosophy philosophizing at me, right?
Dave
I'm gonna meet a tall, dark stranger. I need, you know, that sort of thing. That's what we're looking for.
Joe Getty
Give me something to laugh at, for God's sake. Whose idea was this? I gotta start a fortune cookie company.
Dave
A lot of money is coming your way. Did you ever go in San Francisco? I don't know if it's still there. Maybe. You know, Katie, the place that makes the fortune cookies there in Chinatown. It's like down this little alley and everything like that. And it's been doing it for 120 years or something. It's really cool.
Jack Armstrong
Cool.
Dave
They were like the fortune cookie maker in America for a long, long time. I don't know if that's still the case since the fortunes have gotten so bad over the years.
Joe Getty
And my cookies, too. The cookie had none of that good. What is that, vanilla or whatever? It was terrible.
Dave
It was kind of interesting the way they made the cookies and fold them up like that and they get. They get the note in there. Because that's. That's not as easy as it sounds.
Joe Getty
Spend a lot of time going down alleys in Chinatown, Dave. It's a little opium, little hooker, little whatever. I don't know. I'm not judging, just asking.
Dave
To take a wet cookie and then be able to bend it and have it dry while the fortune inside it still does not get ruined on a piece of paper. Is not as simple as it sounds. If you're going to start out, you know, trying to craft that today.
Joe Getty
Is that what the hooker told you?
Dave
In the alley in Chinatown? God, we walked through Chinatown not that long ago. Grant street in San Francisco, if you've never been. And my kids and I, I don't know if they'd ever. Not since they were little, anyway. The smells. My God, the smells. You get some duck hung by its neck in the window and it's kind of swinging around. Doesn't look too happy.
Joe Getty
Well, it should have thought of that before it committed its crimes.
Dave
And then a big bucket of chicken feet or duck feet or whatever. Big buckets of raw chicken feet.
Joe Getty
It's a wet market.
Dave
Yeah, I guess that's it.
Joe Getty
It is what it is essentially.
Dave
Big buckets of feet and beaks and all kinds of stuff like that. And the smells. My God, the smells. And then they're always hosing off the. The sidewalk to get the. The. The ooze that runs off the chicken feet, I guess.
Joe Getty
Oh, lord.
Dave
And then you got all those stores full of stuff. I can't imagine who buys that ever. How do you sell any of those things ever?
Joe Getty
I've wanted a gigantic jade elephant since I was a little kid. I walked by those stores. All I feel is lust. Jack.
Dave
I always see my. The thing I say with my kids, always when we're buy stores like that. Like, you know, there's like an eight foot golden Buddha or something like that. I always say dragon.
Joe Getty
Maybe a lot of dragons. Yeah.
Dave
And huge. I always say. Oh, dang. I was looking for a big one.
Joe Getty
Do you have any bigger jade dragons?
Dave
I need one that weighs 3,000 pounds, not 2,000 pounds to take home to my house.
Joe Getty
I like this one, but it's a tad undersized.
Dave
It doesn't make enough of a statement. There's like these giant gold lions as tall as me. And. And I texted a friend of mine, said, what do you think chicks would think if I had one on each side of my bed? One of these giant lions, size of an actual lion. And that's a statement.
Joe Getty
You don't.
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You're a fool.
Dave
I don't know how a person would react if the first time you were ever in someone's bedroom and they're lucky
Joe Getty
enough to entice a new friend into your boudoir. They turn the corner, what the f.
Dave
They back toward the door.
Joe Getty
Would you also have your giant.
Dave
Your giant gong in this room as well? Right, right. Have that at the foot of the bed. Cuz when I'm done.
Joe Getty
Bong.
Dave
Once again, success. Beautiful.
Joe Getty
Every woman appreciates that. That reminds me of the Internet trend that's made me want to commit mass murder. It's called China maxing. We'll tell you about it next hour. You're a China maxer.
Dave
Oh, wow. If you missed a segment, get the podcast. Armstrong and Getty.
Jack Armstrong
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Date: February 26, 2026 | Hosts: Jack Armstrong & Joe Getty
In this episode, Armstrong & Getty tackle a diverse array of topics—ranging from viral internet trends and the latest revelations in the Jeffrey Epstein documents, to U.S.-Iran negotiations, the surprising trend of Americans emigrating abroad, and a heated discussion on the release of a notorious child predator in California. The tone remains signature A&G: irreverent, sharp, and at times darkly humorous, with a particular focus on the consequences of public policy and cultural phenomena.
Timestamps: 03:14 – 05:29
Timestamps: 05:29 – 12:44
Timestamps: 12:44 – 18:47
Timestamps: 18:47 – 23:35
Timestamps: 23:35 – 37:16
Timestamps: 41:31 – 44:43
Timestamps: 44:48 – 47:38
Timestamps: Selected throughout
The episode stands out for its blend of biting satire, political skepticism, and concern about social and legal trends in the U.S. While highly irreverent, Armstrong & Getty also express grave seriousness about issues like legal accountability and protecting vulnerable populations. Listeners are left with questions about the state of modern policy, the silliness of internet culture, and the ongoing challenge to common sense in public discourse.
Listeners who missed the episode will find here a fast-paced, sometimes darkly funny, sometimes searingly critical rundown of the latest news stories and cultural weirdness—as only Armstrong & Getty can deliver.