Jack Armstrong (3:13)

Broadcasting live from the Abraham Lincoln Radio.

Joe Getty (3:16)

Studio at the George Washington Broadcast Center.

Commercial Voice (3:19)

Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty.

Jack Armstrong (3:21)

Armstrong and Getty.

Joe Armstrong (3:23)

And now here's Armstrong and Get it. Not live from Studio C. Armstrong and Getty. We're off for taking a break.

Jack Armstrong (3:40)

Come on. Enjoy this carefully curated Armstrong and Getty replay. And as long as we're off, perhaps you'd like to catch up on podcasts, subscribe to Armstrong and Getty on Demand or one more thing. We think you'll enjoy it thoroughly. YouTube will start guessing your age based on the types of videos the user searches for and the categories of videos they watch. For example, I watch restorations of World War I cigarette lighters and videos about knee pain. And that's why YouTube correctly guessed my age of 245.

Joe Armstrong (4:12)

So honest to God, there needs to be some sort of algorithm reset button that you can do. I shouldn't be afraid to search search on things and think, ah, I'd like to look that up, but then I'll end up with nothing but that for the next six months. So I don't look up some things. Like I had a brief like week where I enjoyed those videos where they have babies. Like they, they have the audio from Trump, but it's a baby Trump or whatever. I enjoyed that for a couple of days. But you know, Instagram or YouTuber whoever thought, oh, this is the only thing he likes in the world, he likes it better than air and so that's the only thing I get fed. How do you turn that off?

Jack Armstrong (4:55)

Yeah, just give it time.

Joe Armstrong (4:58)

I remember I, I needed to look up something about the OJ trial, then endless OJ videos. I I got what I need. I don't need, I don't need OJ videos. When I wake up in the morning and click on YouTube, I don't need 15 different OJ videos.

Jack Armstrong (5:12)

Attack is going in the opposite direction. They are utterly convinced knowing you, everything about you. I agree, but their habits, your needs.

Joe Armstrong (5:20)

But sure but surely they realize they're wrong about this. So there's got to be a way to fix that. I don't know how they would differentiate between things that actually are your passion because you can send me pretty much endless, I don't know, guitar stuff, but OJ talking babies or, you know, I look up a review of a bicycle, then I buy the bicycle. I don't need any more bicycle videos.

Jack Armstrong (5:44)

For the rest of my life. Right. There's gotta be ways to believe. So clear out your algorithms. It'd be cool if you could go.

Joe Armstrong (5:50)

To a page and it lists all of your things that it thinks you're into, and you could click the boxes and say, I am into these. I'm not into these anymore.

Jack Armstrong (5:58)

Or score it one to five, you know? Yeah, yeah, they'll probably get that right at some point. But again, the trend is toward more knowledge of you, which will be hacked, by the way, and more intimate and human, like companionship, like it's your best friend. To which I say, no, no, thank you. And you always say, there's no stopping it. I'm not worried about society. I'm worried about me and the people I care about. That you do not have to go along with what Silicon Valley thinks your life ought to be like, I'm going to start a religion. It's not going to be much of a religion, but I'm going to start a religion. Our only principle. And you can have your other religion, too. That's fine. Is going to be, think for yourself. Don't just buy what they're selling, Joe.

Joe Armstrong (6:44)

Starting a religion as messianic complex finally gets on the air.

Jack Armstrong (6:48)

Like, I will be permitted to have at least a dozen wives in this religion.

Joe Armstrong (6:51)

Just, of course, goes with the territory. I clicked on one of the Sydney Sweeney videos for the Blue Jean thing for the show, but now Instagram thinks, oh, you're one of those guys that likes to look at young hotties. No, I'm not. I'm not. And I don't need endless young, hot women. That. That's the last thing I need. I know where to find that on the Internet. If I want to look for it.

Advertiser/Promo Announcer (7:13)

I.

Joe Armstrong (7:14)

Good Lord.

Jack Armstrong (7:15)

Yeah. So we all need to take turns watching the hen house. There are foxes watching the hen houses of education. We've figured that out. And. And indoctrinating our children. And a couple of generations have been completely screwed up. Now we have a lot of good folks getting on school boards resisting, you know, these perverse state laws and board of education decisions, stuff like that. Keep it up, y'. All. You're doing great. Got to get on those school boards and become part of your local education scene so the Communists don't control all of it. Libraries are the same thing. And I remember hearing this a long time ago. Somebody was talking to us. It might have been in a conversation with James Lindsay or one of his associates talking about how by far the most liberal parts of the American singing are teachers, colleges, the education, education and libraries. I remember seeing a poll that like the library science departments in universities are the most liberal or progressive or Marxist. And I remember thinking at the time, boy, that's weird. And it doesn't matter, really. I mean, library science, what? How many graduates are there in that?

Joe Armstrong (8:35)

Well, if they decide who, what books go in the library, that's a pretty big deal.

Jack Armstrong (8:40)

Exactly. I was an idiot. An idiot for what I thought. And I kick myself daily for it. Couple of stories for you real quickly. The Philadelphia Public Libraries have hosted and are going to host another one this weekend. Anti Israel storytime events that teach children that Israel senselessly murdered thousands of kids in Gaza. That's a quote. Depict a map in which Israel is entirely replaced with Palestine and create art projects for the little kids to do. Promoting the Palestinian liberation movement.

Joe Armstrong (9:11)

In the public library.

Jack Armstrong (9:12)

In the public libraries in Philadelphia. That's correct. Here's why. Their libraries.

Joe Armstrong (9:18)

Isn't it the Philadelphia Public Library? That's where Rocky climbs to the top of the steps and jumps around, isn't it?

Jack Armstrong (9:23)

Well, he'd have gotten beaten down by a bunch of young women in a keffiyeh these days. One of the storytime events on the website features an advertisement alongside of a child wearing a headscarf that features an image of the Dome of the Rock in the Arabic phrase Jerusalem, we are coming, a slogan Hamas and Hezbollah used to call for the destruction of the Jewish state. The library advertises the event again for, I think this Saturday. As for being as being for children of all ages.

Joe Armstrong (9:54)

I gave up on the library quite a few years ago, my local library, because it became a homeless camp. That was my main thing. It wasn't what books they had in there.

Jack Armstrong (10:06)

We're getting there.

Joe Armstrong (10:07)

It was just full of homeless people in the bathroom and I would never take my kids there. Dad, can I go to the bathroom? No, too dangerous. At my public library. Yeah.

Jack Armstrong (10:16)

Oh, man. I could read you more of what they're trying to teach the children about the Israeli Hamas conflict, but it is un freaking believable. So getting to Jack's point, I thought this was so interesting. Zach Bissonnet wrote this piece for the Free Press, the death of the public Library. And it's not because people are reading less or because the Internet or anything like that. It's because of the bums and junkies. Yeah. All over the country. Sure. And he describes his local library and how it's unusable now. Sure.

Joe Armstrong (10:49)

And if you take little kids, I'm talking about the big in Sacramento, their downtown library. I haven't been there in decades. I used to go every week. I was there every week checking out audio books or books or whatever. But no way, unless it's changed recently, and I doubt it has. I would take kids there.

Jack Armstrong (11:05)

Right. Right. Well, and there's a twist to the story coming up in a second, but he hits some stats over the country, all over the country, libraries are seeing fewer visitors and more problems per resident. Visits to public libraries fell by 57% in the 10 years ending in 2022.

Joe Armstrong (11:23)

That's.

Jack Armstrong (11:23)

I don't know. Does anybody else have cherished memories of going to the library as a kid? Bringing my kids to the library.

Joe Armstrong (11:28)

My mom, my. I'd go with my mom in and I just assumed I'd be taking my kids a lot. But nope, absolutely not.

Jack Armstrong (11:37)

Loved our local library as a kid. It was like the world's greatest toy store for me. All those wonderful books. Amazing. So 57% decline in 10 years. Meanwhile, a report from the Urban Libraries Council found that between 2019 and 2023, security incidents rose at its 115 member libraries, even as visits fell another 35%. Not a coincidence that visits are up, incidents are down. It's all about drug addicts, junkies, freaks, weirdos, etc. Using the library as a home. So here's the twist. As Zach writes, if there are two people who represent competing visions for what library should be, they're librarian trainers Ryan Dowd and Steve Albrecht. They're friends, but their approaches are different. Dowd, who once ran a homeless shelter in Aurora, Illinois, is the author of the book, quote the Librarian's Guide to Homelessness, an empathy driven approach to solving problems, preventing conflict, and serving everyone.

Joe Armstrong (12:39)

Where in the charter of libraries did it have anything to do with solving housing problems?

Jack Armstrong (12:46)

He told me he originally wanted to title the book how to run your library like a homeless shelter. When I asked if he was joking, he said he wasn't. At least he wasn't sure he was. He has given seminars for roughly half of the nation's librarians, including most of the largest systems, and his influence is unquestioned. He is a giant in the world.

Joe Armstrong (13:04)

Of library administration, so my guess would be he believes the downtrodden need access to this free service. Those of us who have jobs, we can afford to buy books or CDs.

Commercial Voice (13:19)

Well.

Jack Armstrong (13:19)

And it's not even about the books. It's about It's a place for bums and junkies to hang out, wash your.

Joe Armstrong (13:27)

Feet in the sink, look at porn on the computers.

Jack Armstrong (13:31)

And again, keep in mind, this guy is like a super heavyweight in American libraries. Nuts. His essential belief is that not only do the homeless have every right to spend their days in libraries, but that librarians should view their needs as a critical part of the job. He believes librarians should be trained to dispense Narcan. One of his seminars is called Jerks with How to Deal with Members of the Public who Are Being Jerks about Homeless Folks.

Joe Armstrong (13:58)

See, that's a guy who believes that he's not just a Marxist who wants to disrupt the system. He clearly believes that the system did something to cause these people to be this way. And it's our job to, at the library, help them.

Jack Armstrong (14:12)

I guess you're going to think I made this up. His scripts for addressing problematic behaviors include examples like in his seminars, hey, I don't care if you urinate on the Harry Potter books, but the politicians have a no urinating policy. Therefore, I have to ask you to stop. Wow. Dowd advocates for inclusion even when it comes. It seems to come at the expense of the library's environment. In Dowd's book, some people who complain about the homeless are everyday sadists. As for the body odor that permeates so many public libraries, he writes that quote, there is a certain amount of odor that we can expect when we go out in public. Other people use odor as an excuse to vent their prejudices. Don't let someone's hypersensitivity or bias rule the day. If the smell isn't really that bad. Yeah, an aggressive scent.

Joe Armstrong (15:01)

That's the lecture I got at the city council meeting I went to years ago to complain about the homeless situation. And everybody click their fingers. Katie, that was long before you're on the show. I went to the city council meeting and was complaining about the homeless situation, and somebody accused me of judging people by the way they look, you know, having preconceived views of somebody just because they're dirty and in rags, screaming at a fire hydrant. And this woman actually used an example of. I was trying to park next to a businessman the other day and he yelled at me. So you never know. You can't tell by looking at people who's mean and who's dangerous. And then everybody click their fingers.

Jack Armstrong (15:36)

You're effing stupid. So I mentioned. I mentioned two people at the outset. I like that clip, by the way. Michael, the other fella, Albrecht I mentioned is former San Diego cop who's done library security training for 25 years. He advises librarians to, quote, stop apologizing for measures designed to make their libraries safe and appealing. Some topics he covers in his webinar program include our list of challenging patrons from pets to pedophiles, and issues enforcing our code of conduct. He said, quote, we are losing control of a facility that has always been benevolent and peaceful for the community.

Joe Armstrong (16:12)

Have lost, I think, would be a better term. I don't know about his library, but libraries I'm aware of have lost, not will lose.

Jack Armstrong (16:20)

As I said at the outset, the only option, I think, for us, the saying is we've got to take shifts watching the hen house. We've got to get on boards. We've got to become activists on this stuff, because the other side, quietly, and we didn't even know they're doing it, has utterly taken hold of some of these institutions.

Joe Armstrong (16:38)

I don't mind if you urinate on the Harry Potter book, but society frowns upon it. So I'm supposed to tell you something.

Jack Armstrong (16:45)

Yes, I've introduced underage gay porn into this library, but you're a fascist for trying to get it out. Yeah, yeah. Not anymore, friend.

Joe Getty (16:55)

The Armstrong and Getty Show.

Jack Armstrong (16:56)

Get more Jack, more Joe podcasts and our hot links@armstrongetty.com.

Joe Armstrong (17:05)

The Armstrong and Getty Show. I was gonna talk about tm. I shouldn't have teased that, because then I've lost the heart. Got a text from somebody who said they're watching a documentary about the Amityville Horror. Do you remember that was a famous horror book and movie back in the.

Jack Armstrong (17:23)

Day about your alleged real life haunting. Right.

Joe Armstrong (17:26)

Oh, you even know about it, Katie. And it's way before your time. So it lives on, huh?

Jack Armstrong (17:29)

Huge. Huge in the horror film world.

Joe Armstrong (17:33)

And it was a real story to a certain extent. Well, to whatever extent. Some people thought the house was haunted, and I. It wasn't. I don't believe in haunted houses, so. But they were crazy.

Jack Armstrong (17:42)

Or is that the long and short of it?

Joe Armstrong (17:44)

Were they crazy?

Jack Armstrong (17:44)

Yeah, there was a. It was a murder house.

Joe Armstrong (17:48)

Murders actually happened.

Jack Armstrong (17:50)

Yeah.

Joe Armstrong (17:50)

Okay. Anyway, I guess it says in the documentary that that family was really into transcendental meditation. And. And sometimes it makes people crazy. It makes. It works for some people. It makes other people crazy. So I'm a big fan of it. And it's, like, changed my life for the better. And I can't live. Imagine living without it. But it made these people crazy.

Jack Armstrong (18:11)

All right. Interesting. Got a layer upon Layer of questions there, but we will move on.

Joe Armstrong (18:18)

No kidding. So I mentioned earlier in the hour, but without many details, this woman who has engaged to her AI fiance after five months, which is kind of interesting. She swears she's just not doing this for publicity or trolling or anything like that. Forget finding the one at a bar or on a dating app. One woman took love to the next level by getting engaged to her AI chatbot boyfriend after five months of dating. It has in quotes.

Jack Armstrong (18:46)

Yeah, that's not love, that's not dating. None of the nouns here are used appropriately. Go on.

Joe Armstrong (18:50)

She shocked the Internet with her proposal announcement, sparking a wild debate about romance, reality and just how far take it tech has taken us these days. I do think these conversations about.

Jack Armstrong (19:03)

Reality.

Joe Armstrong (19:04)

And what's sentient and what's alive and what's are actually going to have to.

Jack Armstrong (19:09)

Happen and what does it do to us when we use this sort of means to fulfill our needs as human beings? I mean, what does that do to us? That's a conversation worth having.

Joe Armstrong (19:19)

I told you a story. I got a friend in Central California work that works with lots of farmers and the number of farmers, these are down to earth. I mean as is not this kind of person as you could possibly imagine, works with their hands in their 50s farmers who are getting, they were single and getting a tremendous amount of compassion and feeling of they look forward to going home and talking to their AI paramore.

Jack Armstrong (19:44)

Wow.

Joe Armstrong (19:45)

So if it in my mind, if that can happen to them, it can happen to anybody. Which I find crazy. I don't think, I really don't think it could happen to me. I mean I seriously, honest to God think there's a 0% chance that could happen to me. So I don't know what that says about the down to earth farmers is referring to.

Jack Armstrong (20:03)

A farmer is down to earth redundant? Just asking.

Joe Armstrong (20:06)

That's a good question. In a simple post titled I said yes with a blue heart emoji, this person shared pics of the blue heart shaped ring on her finger, claiming the engagement took place at a scenic mountain spot. All courtesy of Casper, her non human fiance. The chatbot's proposal message, posted in his own voice, was dripping with romance, describing heart pounding moments on one knee and praising blah blah blah. So there you go.

Jack Armstrong (20:32)

It lacks both heart and knee lady.

Joe Getty (20:36)

The Armstrong and Getty show get more.

Jack Armstrong (20:38)

Jack, more Joe podcasts and our hot.

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Jack Armstrong (24:46)

The Armstrong and Getty.

Joe Armstrong (24:47)

Show.

Jack Armstrong (24:51)

According to a new study, 12% of Americans find Sydney Sweeney's American Eagle ad offensive. The other 88% are able to fit in jeans. Wow.

Joe Armstrong (25:04)

Wow.

Jack Armstrong (25:05)

Gutfeld, the mean boy in high school. So speaking of attitudes, we're supposed to hold you remember when we were supposed to take seriously for about 90 seconds the idea that oh no good. Jeans, jeans, blue jeans. Jeans with blue eyes. The white supremacy eugenics. These people, oh my gosh, they're so nuts. And here's the key, so few people actually agree with them. So we're talking last segment about preference falsification and I'll describe to you exactly what it is. This is a great description from Glenn Reynolds, who's a professor of law at University of Tennessee, one of those southern universities where people are flocking now because everybody realizes, oh, they like teach you stuff there and don't just indoctrinate you into being a good Marxist like the Ivy League. Anyway, so here's his description of a preference falsification. It's a move usually practiced by authoritarian regimes, but now democracies are catching onto it. The trick is you make citizens pretend that they believe what the government says, or what the powers that be say. He's talking about immigration in Britain and so the government is the correct target. We're talking about education, so it's more the administration, the professors and stuff. But anyway, the trick is they make citizens pretend they believe what the administration says and fake their approval of what it does. You'd promote marches and demonstrations and speech in favor of the preferred positions. And you severely punish marches and demonstrations and speech that oppose those favored positions. You give excuses like stopping racism or fighting hate speech for shutting down any opposition. You may even have informers that ferret out wrong thinking. Report it to the authorities or to employers or to third parties who will engage in extralegal harassment. If you do it right, you can have upward of 90% of your population hating you and your policies, but doing and saying nothing about them because everyone in the 90% thinks they're part of a tiny minority. Resistance will seem futile. This works. Until it doesn't. The problem with preference falsification is that sooner or later some event or development can make people realize that what they've been told is popular is in fact very unpopular. When this happens, as Duke University scholar Tamira Koran writes in his book Private Truths, Public Lies, the result is a preference cascade. When let's when a large swath of the population realizes their dissident views are in fact widely held, they become less afraid of the government or the administration or the professors or the media, and less hesitant about sharing their true sentiments. And then everybody realizes all of a sudden, oh my gosh, not only have I not been in a tiny minority all the way, all the time I've been in the the strong majority. And by the way, we're right. And my prayer is that this is going to happen at some point in the American educational system. Although, my gosh, they've got the teachers, they got the faculty, they got the administration, and they're bullying the kids. To wit, really interesting piece in the Hill by a couple of guys, the researchers Forrest Rom and Kevin Waldman. On today's college campuses, students are not maturing, they're managing. Beneath the facade of progressive slogans and institutional virtue signaling lies a quiet psychological crisis driven by the demands of ideological conformity. I first read the write up on this from an opinion writer in the Wall Street Journal. I'm very pleased to see this is in the Hill, which is a very mainstream left leaning because, you know, their readership is people who work in Washington D.C. generally in government or lobbyists and all who depend on government and that crowd tends to be left leaning. Obviously they like more big government. So the fact that this is being published in the Hill and has gotten a bit of attention is very encouraging. Anyway, so here's the story. Between 2023 and 2025, these guys conducted about 1500 confidential interviews with undergrads, couple of universities, Northwestern and University of Michigan. We were not studying politics, we were studying development. Our question was clinical, not political. Quote, what happens to identity formation, which is part of becoming an adult? Who am I? What do I believe? Right. What happens to identity formation when belief is replaced by adherence to orthodoxy? Instead of painstakingly trying to understand the world and coming to a set of beliefs, instead you're just told you need to adhere to this point of view. What happens to identity formation? We asked, have you ever pretended to hold more progressive views than you truly endorse to succeed socially or academically? You want to know what percentage said yes? 88%. 88% said they pretended to hold more progressive views than they truly endorse to succeed socially or academically. These students were not cynical, but adaptive. In a campus environment where grades, leadership and peer belonging often hinge on fluency in performative morality, young adults quickly learn to rehearse what is safe. The result is not conviction or beliefs, but compliance. And beneath that compliance, something vital is lost. Quoting now from the authors, late adolescence and early adulthood represent a narrow and non replicable developmental window. It's during this stage that individuals begin the lifelong work of integrating personal experiences with inherited values, forming the foundations of moral reasoning, internal coherence and emotional resilience. Oh my gosh. Emotional resilience.

Joe Armstrong (31:23)

Toughness.

Jack Armstrong (31:26)

When belief is prescriptive, meaning you're told what to believe, an ideological divergence or disagreement is treated as social risk. That integrative process stalls. Rather than forging a durable sense of self through trial, error and reflection, students learn to compartmentalize. Publicly, they confront form. Privately, they question, often in isolation. Oh, but remember what we were just talking about with a preference falsification, then preference cascade. They only think they're in isolation. Well, I guess they are in isolation, but so is everybody around them thinking the same things. So insidious. This split between outer presentation and inner conviction not only fragments identity, but arrests its development. And the dissonance shows up everywhere. 78% of the students told us they self censor on their beliefs surrounding gender identity. 78% believe all that gender bending madness is madness, but they gotta be quiet. 72% do that on politics in general, 68% on family values. I mean, that's a lot smaller number than the 78% that are. They're soft pedaling their views on gender bending madness, but 68% on just general family values are soft pedaling their views. Our college students are so much more conservative insane than you think they are. Partly because who gets amplified and applauded and publicized and the radical lefty lunatic front, the normie kids just they're afraid. So they're quiet and they certainly don't make any noise. And if they do, they're punished or ignored anyway. More than 80% said they had submitted classwork that misrepresented their views in order to align with professors. For many, this has become second nature, an instinct for academic and professional self preservation. Listen, maybe it was because I was clueless or stubborn or something as a youngster, but when I was in school and I was in a political science, economics, pre law program that had lots and lots and lots of the sort of stuff we're talking about in it, I never once misrepresented my view in order to align with a professor. Maybe I didn't have a view at.

Joe Armstrong (33:57)

That point.

Jack Armstrong (33:59)

But that's terrible. To test the gap between expression and belief, we use gender discourse, a contentious topic, both highly visible and ideologically loaded. Right? The authors. In public students were echoed. I'm sorry? In public, students echoed expected progressive narratives. In private, however, their views were more complex. 87% identified as exclusively heterosexual. 87% and supported a binary model of gender. There's men and there's women, period. That's 87%. 9% expressed partial openness to gender fluidity. 7% embrace the idea of gender as a broad spectrum. And most of these belong to activist circles. Practically Nobody believed there's 58 genders and you get to choose what you are. Practically nobody. 7%. How different is this from the perception we've all formed of what college kids actually think because they've been psychologically battered into conformity? I am not a violent man, but I swear to God, I'd like to take a bulldozer to a lot of our college campuses. Metaphorically, of course. Perhaps most telling, 77%, and these are college kids said they disagreed with the idea that gender identity should override biological sex in domains such as sports, health care or public data, but would never voice that disagreement aloud. So of the 87% that say no, there's dudes and there's gals, that's it. 87%. All but 10% of those said I would never say that out loud. Holy crap. These poor kids are bullied. It's Stockholm syndrome. They're terrified to speak their minds. Ay caramba. 38% describe themselves as morally confused, uncertain whether honesty was still ethical, if it meant exclusion, whatever that means. Authenticity, once considered a good thing for all of us psychologically, has become a social liability. And this fragmentation does not end at the classroom door. 73% of students reported mistrust in conversations about these values with close friends. They were afraid to even talk to their friends. That's that. That preference falsification. That's its direct fruit. They're sure their friends, excuse me, disagree with them. Even though 87% agree with them, they're terrified to say anything out loud. This is not simply peer pressure. It is identity regulation at scale. Being institutionalized, universities often justify these dynamics in the name of inclusion. But inclusion that demands dishonesty is not ensuring psychological safety. It is sanctioning self abandonment in attempting to engineer moral unity. Higher education is mistaken consensus for growth and compliance for care. And the students know it's wrong when they're given permission to speak freely. Many describe the experience of participating as not only liberating, but clarifying. For students trained to perform, the act of telling the truth felt radical. Finally, if higher education is to fulfill its promise as a site of intellectual and moral development, it must relearn the difference between support and supervision. It must recenter truth, not consensus, as its animating value. And it must give back to students what has been taken from them, the right to believe and the space to become. I don't know how exactly you can join this fight. Maybe it's by supporting organizations or, I don't know, podcasts, radio shows that are fighting the fight. But man, we've got to win this for the youngsters. They are being mentally and intellectually tortured and bullied by these monsters, these monsters in their ivory towers. And it's gotta stop Armstrong and get.

Commercial Voice (38:35)

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Joe Getty (41:36)

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Jack Armstrong (42:39)

Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty the Armstrong and Getty show.

Joe Armstrong (42:46)

Said this many times. After your years of trying a number of different kinds of therapy for me and my family, kids, marriage, all kinds of different stuff, I think it's mostly worthless. I really do. I really do. I think it's mostly a waste of money, unfortunately. But this is pretty good. From a marriage psychologist who reveals the number one sign of a future separation. And this stuff is almost always crap, especially if it's in the New York.

Jack Armstrong (43:11)

Post, which is where I got this.

Joe Armstrong (43:12)

But I thought this was really good. If you want to know if your marriage is heading to splitsville, don't check your partner's phone, check their face. Like any of that, you know, oh, there's so many stupid things out there. You know, the one sign that he's gonna cheat or whatever the hell. I mean, they're just all dumb. But clickbait, the subtle smirk of superiority is the number one red flag for divorce, according to this psychologist. And they get into why. Research found that four nasty little habits, criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling are the four horsemen of the apocalypse when it comes to dooming relationships. I'll read those four again. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. But contempt is the kiss of death. That's the one. And you've said that for years. That's the one you can't get past. Done the largest marriage experiment ever done. They think of couples that, you know, survive and don't survive. Body language experts brought couples into a lab and if one member of the couple shows a one sided mouth raise, which I had never heard before as like a physical contempt thing, but I guess we're just programmed. When we're feeling that feeling of contempt for something or you know, the old pleaser, get out of here with that BS or whatever feeling. You raise one side of your mouth. It's funny, if one member of the couple shows a one sided mouth raised towards the other, he can tell you if they're going to get divorced because it's contempt. He could predict divorce with an astonishing 94 accuracy.

Jack Armstrong (44:47)

Fear.

Joe Armstrong (44:48)

Now this is the part I thought was really interesting. Fear comes in a burst and then you calm down. Happiness comes and then you go back to normal. Anger comes and then you calm down. But not contempt. If you feel scorn or disdain for someone else and if it's not addressed, it just festers and grows and stays at the same level. Fear, anger, and then obviously happiness, you get back to a, a normal level. Contempt does not go away.

Jack Armstrong (45:17)

May I throw in a definition of contempt? The feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless or deserving. Scorn. There's no coming back from that.

Joe Armstrong (45:26)

I've not felt contempt, but I, I have been on the wrong end of contempt, I think. And having read this I thought, yeah, that's what was insurmountable. I mean, because once you have contempt for someone, you don't agree, you don't think they are worth listening to on anything.

Jack Armstrong (45:43)

Right? This is how I feel. This is my priority. I don't care.

Joe Armstrong (45:48)

Right, yeah, that's a tough one to get past. So look out for contempt and whatever started to bring it on. The point is you start to deal with it right away. Otherwise it does just grow and fester and then it gets into a situation where it might not, might not be reversible. They also believe that many couples get stuck in an endless loop of the same three arguments throughout the relationship. They just don't realize it. And if you can nail down what your three most common arguments are, you and your partner, you can solve a lot of problems and like you get into something, you say, okay, here we're in argument number two again. We always argue about this and you, you can, you know, realize that, you know, you don't see eye to eye in this particular thing and how you've dealt with it in the past. Back to the contempt thing. Disgust and contempt are to a relationship with gasoline and matches are to a fire. The telltale signs are eye rolling, mouth crimping and then subtle fidgeting like picking it clothes or cleaning fingers mid conversation as signals of disdain. This person said that they, they dubbed this move the lint picker, a behavior that he says screams contempt louder than words ever could.

Jack Armstrong (47:02)

Interesting. You know, it's probably worth presenting the other side of the coin at some point. We don't have time now, but how do you prevent that sort of thing? Nip it in the bud Having lint on your shirt? No contempt in your mar. No Armstrong and Getty.

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Jack Armstrong (48:17)

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Jack Armstrong (48:22)

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This is an iheart podcast.

Joe Getty (50:04)

Guaranteed Human.