Can We Address the Lavender Elephant in the Room?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Can We Address the Lavender Elephant in the Room?"

Podcast: Armstrong & Getty On Demand
Host: iHeartPodcasts
Episode Date: February 17, 2026

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Overview

In this episode, Armstrong, Getty, and Brett McKay explore the phenomenon of extreme security measures taken by the ultra-wealthy, then pivot to a candid and humorous discussion about cultural norms in men's figure skating. The hosts ponder why effeminacy and flamboyance are so prevalent in the sport and question the origins of this unique subculture, debating whether it's a product of athletic culture, societal expectations, or something else entirely.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ultra-Wealthy Security Systems and Vehicles

• Discussion of Over-the-Top Home Security:

  • The hosts begin by describing elaborate security features in the homes of the ultra-rich, including Army Corps of Engineers-grade filtration systems, moats, and 2,000-pound front doors with 13 deadbolts.
  • Getty (00:11): "Army Corps of engineer grade filtration systems... a 2,000 pound front door with I believe it was 13 deadbolts."

• Extreme Vehicle Modifications:

  • Conversation shifts to luxury vehicles retrofitted with security features like electrified door handles and smoke screens, referencing Helderberg’s Bellatrix model Land Rover Defender starting at $658,000.
  • Getty (01:42): "Side view mirrors that shoot pepper spray."
  • Brett McKay (02:14): "To obscure the vehicle's whereabouts if you need to get lost in a hurry."
  • The hosts express both awe and skepticism about the need for such measures.
  • Brett McKay (02:43): "Unless you're Maduro or a rapper, I don't understand you need that. What are you picturing happening in the world?"

2. The "Lavender Elephant": Men's Figure Skating Style and Culture

• Observations on Figure Skating Flamboyance:

  • Brett reflects on the recent Olympics and is struck by the theatrical costumes, makeup, and mannerisms common among male figure skaters.
  • Brett McKay (04:01): "What is going on with the whole figure skating thing... see-through gloves with sequins... glitter on their face and the sashes and the eyeliner..."

• Contrast with Other Sports:

  • The hosts compare men’s figure skating to gymnastics, highlighting the absence of similar flamboyance in equally athletic sports.
  • Brett McKay (05:13): "Men's gymnastics is not that way at all... good balance athletes. Why did, why did we carve out this section where... you do ice skating?"

• Speculating on Cultural Origins:

  • A back-and-forth ensues, pondering how the effeminate, theatrical side of skating became so culturally entrenched.
  • Getty (06:25): "Was there some great innovator or two... flamboyant and very girlish, yet athletic?"
  • Brett McKay (07:05): "I don't know that they're gay, but they're very flamboyant. Effeminate."

• Acceptance and Norms:

  • The trio questions whether a conventionally masculine or NHL-type male skater would be welcomed or shunned.
  • Brett McKay (08:24): "I just wondered... would it be okay if you were... built like an NHL hockey player... would you be shunned?"
  • Getty (09:00): "Would people talk about you behind your back? Would it be uncool... Nobody's been like that."

• Why Are These Conventions Undiscussed?

  • They recognize the topic is rarely publicly dissected, possibly out of fear of appearing bigoted.
  • Brett McKay (09:13): "I wonder how come this hasn't been discussed more? I guess because it sounds bigoted..."
  • Getty (09:18): "It's the same thing as anything racial is racist... but everybody is cowed into how. We can't even... We can't even talk about it."

• Respect for the Athletes:

  • The hosts are careful to express genuine admiration for male figure skaters’ athleticism and dedication, apart from their aesthetic style.
  • Getty (09:36): "My respect for him or Johnny Weir's athletes is complete... So why are you all dressed like fairy princesses?"

• Aesthetic Norms and Scoring:

  • They wonder if deviating from the effeminate style would result in poor scores or exclusion from figure skating's mainstream.
  • Brett McKay (10:07): "If you came out there... I wear regular athleisure outfits... Would you score poorly?"

• Noting Uniformity in Behavior:

  • Brett highlights the uniformity and emotional displays (teddy bear clutching, lip quivering) among competitors, in contrast to other athletes.
  • Brett McKay (10:58): "The whole clutching a teddy bear, lower lip quivering, waiting for your score is not the way everybody acts."
  • Getty (11:07): "Ski racers don't do that."

3. Broader Cultural Musings

• Dance Skills & Cultural Norms:

  • Getty posits that the cliché about gay men being better dancers may have some truth, influencing figure skating's culture.
  • Getty (11:31): "The cliche that gay men in general are better dancers... probably exists for a reason."
  • They again note that gymnastics, despite possibly similar demographics, lacks these expressive elements.
  • Brett McKay (11:53): "Well, they don't put glitter on their faces."

• Cultural Norms Are Powerful:

  • There's consensus that strong “cultural norm” pressure likely shapes the sport’s aesthetic and behavioral conventions.
  • Getty (11:55): "Maybe they want to, but again, that gets to the question of a cultural norm."

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Memorable Quotes & Entertaining Moments

• On Luxury Security:
  Brett McKay (01:02): "You have a two ton door. Unless you're Maduro. Who are you protecting yourself against?"

• Figure Skating Costume Observations:
  Brett McKay (04:01): "What is going on with the whole figure skating thing... see-through gloves with sequins... that no guy would ever wear. And... glitter on their face and the sashes and the eyeliner..."

• On Difficulty of Speaking Honestly:
  Getty (09:18): "It's the same thing as anything racial is racist, which is not true, but everybody is cowed into how. We can't even... don't even say the word. We can't even talk about it."

• On Live Olympic Failure:
  Brett McKay (13:48): "The buildup was tremendous. And then like immediately he failed. And they were like all that stuff we said earlier. I don't know. I don't know. What? I don't know..."

• On Skating Performance Norms:
  Getty (10:58): "But you never see anybody dressed as, you know, you know, a studly golfer on the ice. It's always a fairy princess."

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• 00:11–02:43: Ultra-wealthy home & vehicle security
• 03:21–08:24: Figure skating costumes, culture, and comparisons to other sports
• 09:13–12:23: Cultural taboos around discussing effeminacy in figure skating
• 12:29–13:24: Pet peeves about sports commentary jargon (“downhill”)
• 13:24–14:28: Media coverage and the “quad god” Olympic figure skating failure
• 14:11–14:50: Discussion of handling pressure & performance expectations in sports

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Tone & Style

The conversation is trademark Armstrong & Getty: irreverent, curious, and playfully provocative. The hosts indulge in cultural skepticism but balance it with clear respect for the athletes in question. The tone veers from comic (mocking elaborate security setups and colorful skating costumes) to reflective, bordering on sociological analysis.

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Conclusion

This episode stands out as a mix of offbeat curiosity (“do you really need a smoke screen on your car?”) and bold, good-faith questioning of social norms in sports—particularly those nobody seems willing to address out loud. Through quips and candid asides, the hosts navigate “thin ice” with humor and surprising thoughtfulness, ultimately leaving questions open and inviting further discussion.

Transcript

[Brett McKay]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Can we address the lavender elephant in the room? It's one more thing.

[Armstrong]

Armstrong and Getty.

[Getty]

One more thing. But first. And I should have dug into this more. I was hoping there was more information, but during the show we were talking about the ultra rich now have these unbelievably lavish security systems in their homes and, and safe rooms and army Corps of engineer grade filtration systems for their safe rooms. And the one guy who had eight swimming pools, I think he had the moat or was. No, it was the other guy, like in Scottsdale, who had spiky orange trees, steel gates, a moat, and a 2,000 pound front door with I believe it was 13 deadbolts. I mean, you're like under siege if you, if you're that well equipped or I guess you have so much money, it doesn't matter.

[Brett McKay]

But, but, well, still you're. I think it matters. I think it makes you paranoid. A paranoid lunatic. You have a two ton door. Unless. Unless you're Maduro. Who are you protecting yourself against?

[Getty]

And it didn't do him much good. But the other aspect of it that I came across, and I should have dug more into this, but maybe you will, is sooner or later you gotta leave your fortress. Right. So what are you driving? Well, I suggest a Arkansas company that retrofits Land Rover defenders with electrified door handles.

[Brett McKay]

Yes.

[Getty]

So somebody tries to carjack you or whatever, you zap them.

[Brett McKay]

Oh God, I want that.

[Getty]

Right, right. Steel panels and side view mirrors that shoot pepper spray.

[Brett McKay]

I want all those things.

[Getty]

I love that. Let's see. Oh, Helderberg. There it is. Their Bellatrix model, which starts the stripped down version, is 658 grand. Also has a smoke screen function.

[Brett McKay]

Cool.

[Getty]

To obscure the vehicle's whereabouts if you need to get lost in a hurry.

[Brett McKay]

Like James Bond.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Brett McKay]

Or Batman.

[Getty]

So your base price is $658,000.

[Armstrong]

That's a house. Some places.

[Brett McKay]

Most places.

[Getty]

Most places. Most places. Helder Berg, Bellatrix. That after Bellatrix Lestrange from the Harry Potter.

[Brett McKay]

But again, unless you're Maduro or a rapper, I don't understand you need that. What are you picturing happening in the world?

[Getty]

Socialist Venezuelan rappers definitely need this. Wow. What's the mileage?

[Brett McKay]

How's the stereo?

[Getty]

Oh my gosh, that's crazy. Oh, you got a vast color palette, by the way. I mean, you don't want to spend $750,000 on a James Bond death car and have it in some stupid color.

[Brett McKay]

Your choices are white and blue. Come on.

[Getty]

Yeah, weak.

[Brett McKay]

So this is not new ground that I'm wanting to tread upon. It's actually tired conversation. But it struck me anew on Friday night as watching the quad fraud fall on his ass in the Olympics. So the world's greatest figure skater is out there and he has a panic attack or something and does really poorly and finishes eighth. But leading up to that, I ended up watching a lot of the men's figure skating, including the commentary by. Who's the dude who does commentary?

[Getty]

Johnny Weir.

[Brett McKay]

Johnny Weir. Who.

[Getty]

Formerly known as Johnny Weird by some folks.

[Brett McKay]

Well, and my son had a different rhyming name for him that is not appropriate. But what is going on with the whole figure skating thing with the. The like see through these dudes, these see through gloves with sequins on them and everything like that, that no want.

[Getty]

To be as pretty as possible, no.

[Brett McKay]

Guy would ever wear. And they. And the glitter on their face and the sashes and the eyeliner and. And then after. So how did that culturally, how did it come to be that there's some of the greatest athletes in the world?

[Getty]

Yeah. They're unbelievably strong, flexible and skilled and. Yeah. All that stuff.

[Brett McKay]

And flamboyant.

[Getty]

Yes. Yeah. It's got to be a cultural thing because the rewards are awesome.

[Brett McKay]

It does have to be a cultural thing. How come it's never been discussed and I don't mean it in a mocking, dismissive way. Really. It just doesn't seem kind of odd that you have one sport and it could just as easily be. Men's gymnastics is not that way at all.

[Getty]

No.

[Brett McKay]

And it's similar, really strong, flexible, good balance athletes. Why did, why did we carve out this section where if you're I assume, a gay man and like a flamboyantly gay man and you're athletic, you do ice skating. Yeah.

[Getty]

For the record, my admiration for like Johnny Weir as an athlete isn't an iota diminished by the fact that he prefers the company of men. No, but yeah, that's. Is it that although lots of men.

[Brett McKay]

Prefer the company of men, as we've talked about over the many years, who don't wear sequins and put glitter on and eyeliner and sachet around. That's a certain specific kind of guy.

[Getty]

Sure. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

[Brett McKay]

After. I mean, so I was watching some of the competitors from other countries too, and they come off the ice and they're sitting there and they're just their lower lip quivering, waiting for the score to come in and somebody hands them teddy bears and they. And they kiss them and then they. They hold their teddy bears up to their face and make this scrunchy face and they hold their teddy bears waiting for the. And you're like a 20 year old athletic dude holding a teddy bear crying. What is this? How did this happen? Culturally?

[Getty]

It. Was there some great innovator or two that were. Maybe it was Johnny Weir himself. Flamboyant and very girlish, yet athletic. And all the effeminate boys of America stood up and took notice, or sat up and took notice. I don't know. I mean, because it's virtually. Well, is that true? As I watched like I watched the short program that. That our boy lost to the Japanese guy and it appeared to be overwhelmingly gay fellows. I mean it appeared to be.

[Brett McKay]

I don't know that they're gay, but they're very flamboyant. Effeminate.

[Getty]

Flamboyantly effeminate.

[Brett McKay]

Yeah.

[Getty]

Why don't I just say that? And it's mysterious. Maybe it's a certain body type excels at figure skating.

[Brett McKay]

Would you be.

[Getty]

And that body type is more commonly seen among. I don't know. There is an explanation for it, whether it's cultural, physical or. Or the both. And I realize this is incredibly thin ice to skate on. Ha ha ha. But it's an interesting sociological. It's like all big hairy guys were pistol shooters or something like that. Meaning it was like exclusively big mountain men looking guys.

[Brett McKay]

You have any guess on this, Katie?

[Getty]

The prefer the company of men.

[Brett McKay]

Yes.

[Armstrong]

Right. But you know what? I've had friends that have. Oh God, I can't say this. That I've dated the. The effeminate guy who is straight.

[Brett McKay]

The.

[Armstrong]

Well, they say they are.

[Brett McKay]

Okay, you know what I mean? She dated effeminate guys you think were gay?

[Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Brett McKay]

Dating you?

[Armstrong]

No, we're dating, my friend. And I'd go. Because I've also known people who are gay that were quote unquote straight for a long time because they were afraid of, you know, whatever.

[Brett McKay]

Yeah. Well, I actually don't care about the sexuality part of it, but it is clear that it's flamboyantly effeminate is very popular among men's figure skating. And I just wondered how come it's never been addressed. And again, not in a mocking, mean way, just like explain it to me. How did this happen? Why? And would it be okay if you were like a. You're like an, you know, you're built like an NHL hockey player. You're just a really good skater and you came along. Would you be shunned. Would you be welcome at most practices? Would people talk about you behind your back? Would it be uncool to. I. I just wonder. I. Nobody's been like that.

[Getty]

Well. And your skating uni was just like some really good athletic wear or something and not Fairy princess?

[Brett McKay]

Yes. Fairy princess seems to be very popular.

[Getty]

Yeah. Yeah. I. I really don't know.

[Brett McKay]

I wonder how come this hasn't been discussed more? I guess because it sounds bigoted or something, but. Yes.

[Getty]

Yeah, yeah, It's. It's the same thing as anything racial is racist, which is not true, but everybody is cowed into how. We can't even. Don't even say the word. We can't even talk about it. I don't know. It seems silly to me. Again, my respect for, you know, whether it's Ilya melanin or who spends a hell of a long time at the hairdresser, but he's a professional performer, so, you know, whatever. But my respect for him or Johnny Weir's athletes is complete. I have nothing but admiration for them. The incredible hard work it takes to get to the level they're at, the self discipline, the sacrifice, the mental concentration. It's awesome. It's amazing. So why are you all dressed like fairy princesses? Right. I don't think that's illegitimate or hateful because I don't hate anybody. Well, I got some people I hate. I'd be happy to give you the list.

[Brett McKay]

Do you need to discover. Well, is the. It's so ingrained into the competition that if you came out there and like, you know, I wear kind of regular athleisure outfits and I'm, you know, I don't put any glitter on my face ever. I never have had glitter in my face in my life. Would you be. Would you score poorly?

[Getty]

Well, I. I play enough golf to know that your young golf studs. Not tour guys, but young studs, they wear tight, disturbingly short shorts. And because they want everybody to know what a stud they are, their. Their golf shirts are fairly tight as well. You could just like that in figure skate.

[Brett McKay]

Sure.

[Getty]

But you never see anybody dressed as, you know, you know, a studly golfer on the ice. It's always a fairy princess.

[Brett McKay]

The whole clutching a teddy bear, lower lip quivering, waiting for your score is not the way everybody acts.

[Getty]

Ski racers don't do that.

[Brett McKay]

No, exactly.

[Getty]

Or all kinds of, you know, gay, straight, or whatever. Well, it's a. They're professional dancers with astonishing levels of.

[Brett McKay]

Athletic ability and lots of eyeliner and glitter.

[Getty]

Well, I Was going to leave that out for the moment, but.

[Brett McKay]

I would.

[Getty]

Say the cliche that gay men in general are better dancers on average than straight men, it probably exists for a reason.

[Brett McKay]

But again, why doesn't it apply to like, gymnastics?

[Getty]

I don't. I don't know. I honestly don't. There might be a lot of gay gymnasts. They all just dress in the same uni. So you don't know.

[Brett McKay]

Well, they don't put glitter on their faces.

[Getty]

Maybe they want to, but again, that gets to the question of a cultural norm.

[Brett McKay]

Yeah, I don't know. I hadn't watched that much figure skating in a long time. And it was just, they were, they were like. It was so monochromatic. I mean, they were all very similar hairstyles, amount of glitter and makeup and lower lip quivering. Holding teddy bears. I mean, they all.

[Getty]

Boy, the quivering in the teddy bear really bothered you. Well, it was just some days a grown man needs a teddy bear.

[Brett McKay]

Who do you know name the 22 year old man, you know who holds a teddy bear with their lower lip quivering?

[Getty]

I just don't know. That person. Can't help you. Really. No, no. So a second ago I almost used the term athleticism, but I stopped myself because I hate that term. But I don't hate it as much as I hate a meaningless word you will hear 50 times watching football, 50 times watching a basketball game, and nobody has yet to define it. For me, it is a meaningless effing word used by lunkhead sports announcers. That word is downhill. When he gets the ball and really runs downhill, tell you he's tough to stop. Oh, downhill to the hoop. What do you mean straight ahead? We have words for that already. You don't need to invent terms to make yourself sound smart. All right, Somebody can define the word downhill in sports. Please feel free.

[Brett McKay]

Boy, finish with this. NBC. They really got put in a rough position because they built such a package around because they knew they're gonna have so many eyeballs for quad God's skate on Friday night. And they built his package and all of his records and his history and how he's the best ever and just.

[Getty]

I mean, just interviewing childhood friends.

[Brett McKay]

The buildup was tremendous. And then like immediately he failed. And they were like all that stuff we said earlier. I. I don't know. I don't know. What? I don't know.

[Getty]

Should we go ahead and run it or what? I don't know.

[Brett McKay]

No, no, we're not gonna run it. Sorry about that whole. He's just a different sort of human being. I guess he's just a regular human being.

[Getty]

So anyway, but as we discussed, he completely manned up afterwards, said, hey, I choked. I got nervous. It was crazy. I can't believe it happened. But that's all on me.

[Brett McKay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Armstrong]

But it was the nickname. There's just too much pressure.

[Brett McKay]

Just all of a sudden, oh, quad God. I'd never thought about that before. God.

[Getty]

I'm comparing myself to a God. Yeah, the hubris. What have I done? It's a lot like when the Summer Olympics were around and the Australian break dancer. She was not really a break dancer, but she was just. Yeah, she was art. She was a performance artist. That's right. Well, I guess that's it.

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[Brett McKay]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.