Can You Take a Sword to the Park?

Summary

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Armstrong & Getty On Demand

Episode: Can You Take a Sword to the Park?

Date: March 26, 2026
Hosts: Armstrong & Getty
Podcast Network: iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a lighthearted and relatable parenting dilemma: Is it okay to let your kid wield a (dull) Civil War sword in a public park to slice melons? Armstrong & Getty unpack the risks, social perceptions, and nostalgia around childhood adventures and discuss how modern anxieties about safety and parenting differ from earlier generations. The discussion effortlessly segues into observations about youth sports, the commercialization of childhood activities, and the impact of societal expectations on parenting decisions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Sword in the Park: A Modern Dilemma

• Armstrong’s Parenting Query:
  Armstrong raises a real-life conundrum: “My son wants to meet a buddy at the park with his Civil War sword and cut apart melons. Now, it doesn't actually have an edge. You could ride to town on it, as my dad would say. It's dull.” (05:00)
• Getty’s Immediate Reaction:
  “Am I going to have a problem? Are parents going to call the police?”
  Getty responds candidly: “Especially in your communist enclave. 100%, yes. ...If I saw a teenager with a sword, I would be concerned. I'm not sure I would call, but I would think about it.” (05:19–05:31)
• Weapon vs. Toy Debate:
  Hosts draw parallels to other objects: “Well, it's arguably a weapon, but so's a bat and there's kids playing baseball.” (05:29)

Risk Aversion & Generation Gap

• Nostalgic Perspective:
  Both reflect on less supervised, more risk-tolerant childhoods.
  • Getty: “We all described my entire childhood right there, which is why I have so many scars.” (11:13)
  • Armstrong: “We used to all just try this stuff on our own without asking our parents if it was okay, and we're better for it.” (11:19)
• Modern Anxiety:
  Armstrong notes, “Parents didn’t used to worry about it like I was worried about it... my youngest brother, who's very cautious, was just certain it was going to be a disaster of some sort.” (11:20–11:40)

The Sword Experiment

• The Set Up:
  Armstrong explains the sentimental value of the sword, bought at Wall Drug, and recounts the family watermelon-slicing challenge.
  • “...He brings this up over his head and sliced it perfectly into like it was a sharp knife. Which is just amazing. I mean, just a perfect cut. Even though it’s dull.” (11:51-11:57)
• Lessons from Melons:
  Armstrong jokes: “Even with a very, very dull sword, if you find yourself in a situation where you'd really like some watermelon, don't waste your money with the local sword sharpener. Your Civil War sword will do just fine.” (12:48–12:57)

Perception and Reputation

• Public Image Anxiety:
  Armstrong brings up the family joke about worst-case headlines:
  • “Known Trump supporter and right-wing radio lunatic sends son to park with sword. It's not a good headline.” (06:47–07:05)
• Modern Parenting Realities:
  “I just don't need to deal with talking to the police.” (Armstrong, 06:18) Getty: “Oh, my God, it could be a huge pain.” (06:22)

Changing Culture of Youth Sports

• From Shared Bats to Status Symbols:
  Getty criticizes how youth sports have become commercialized:
  • “He mentioned, back in the day...you had your own shoes and glove and bat...that whole 'you've got to have your own bat' thing. No way. If anybody announced, 'No, I have to have my own bat,' we'd have laughed them out of the dugout.” (07:58–08:13)
• Driven by Money & Parental Prestige:
  Armstrong: “Pushed by people who are profiting from it. How do you not catch onto this?” (08:30)
  Getty: “And moms who like the outfits. Oh, and dads who think their kid's gonna get a scholarship and be a sports hero. That will reflect well on them.” (08:35–08:37)
• Relief in Simplicity:
  Armstrong finds solace in a less-complicated family life:
  • “I would have been perfectly fine if they were, like, super into a sport... But watching other people's lives be dominated by their kids’ baseball, swimming, soccer, whatever...it doesn't break my heart that we're not doing that.” (09:00–09:26)
    Getty agrees and cautions: “Having the kid's activity be the king of the family is really not healthy.” (09:26)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Decisiveness (Phlebotomy & Swords):
  “There's a saying in golf. You're much better making a committed swing of the wrong club than an 'I'm not sure' swing with the right club. Pong taught us that, and your coconut splitters of the third world agree. Be confident, folks.”
  — Getty (04:29)
• On Reputation & News Cycles:
  “We have this running joke in my family...anytime I almost do anything bad...known Trump supporter and right-wing radio lunatic sends son to park with sword. It's not a good headline.”
  — Armstrong (06:47)
• On Childhood Injuries:
  “The number of times I came home bloody. What happened? Trying to wash it off to figure out whether I needed to be ministered to by professionals.”
  — Getty (12:14)
• On Watermelon-Lessons:
  “Even with a very, very dull sword, if you find yourself in a situation where you'd really like some watermelon, don't waste your money with the local sword sharpener. Your Civil War sword will do just fine.”
  — Armstrong (12:48)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Topic | |---------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:38 | The sword question introduced: “Can you take a sword to the park?” | | 04:18–05:14 | Discussing confidence, phlebotomists, and parallels to swinging a club | | 05:15–06:24 | Risks, legality, and public perception of sword-wielding kids | | 06:47–07:14 | Armstrong’s “bad parent” headline anxiety | | 07:22–09:55 | Changing culture of youth sports, “the must-have bat” and parental pressure | | 10:05–11:57 | The origin of the Civil War sword, family melon slicing event, outcome | | 12:14–12:48 | Childhood injuries and lessons, Getty’s scar-filled reminiscences | | 12:48–13:02 | Armstrong’s closing lesson: “Don’t waste your money with the local sword sharpener. Your Civil War sword will do just fine.” | | 13:10 | Getty’s tongue-in-cheek tease: “Coming up on tomorrow's podcast, Killing Flies with Muskets.” |

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Episode Takeaways

• Modern parenting often involves navigating public perception and anxiety about safety—even with harmless fun.
• Cultural shifts have made once-benign activities (like playing with a dull sword in the park) seem more dangerous or fraught.
• There’s value (and nostalgia) in the more risk-tolerant, less “professionalized” childhoods of previous generations.
• Parental concerns about reputation and social judgment feature largely in decision-making.
• Even dull swords, given enough inertia, will slice a watermelon—and maybe teach a lesson about physics, nostalgia, and parenting today.

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Tone:
Conversational, witty, lightly self-mocking, and nostalgic, Armstrong & Getty’s signature style brings levity to serious concerns about parenting, societal change, and the evolution of childhood freedoms.

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Transcript

[Podcast Host]

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[Armstrong]

Can you take a sword to the park? It's one more thing. Armstrong and Getty.

[Getty]

One more thing.

[Armstrong]

Before I get to that, came across this.

[Getty]

Am I doing sword yoga in this scenario? We learned about that the other day.

[Armstrong]

You're chopping apart melons. Oh.

[Getty]

Huh. You ever seen anybody in your third world island nation chopping a coconut with a sword? Or I guess it's a big like machete thing. It's really, really quite amazing. The key, you got to be decisive. It's like a good phlebotomist. What was your man? Your man, what was his name?

[Armstrong]

Pong. Pong. Best phlebotomist ever. He learned it from a guy who had been a medic in Iraq. It's all about just doing it. You gotta go.

[Getty]

There's a saying in golf. You're much better making a committed swing of the wrong club than a I'm not sure swing with the right club. Pong taught us that, and your coconut splitters of the third world agree. Be confident, folks. This is your moment of information.

[Armstrong]

My son wants to meet a buddy at the park with his Civil War sword and cut apart melons. Now, it doesn't actually have an edge. You could ride to town on it. As my dad would say, I love that expression. It's dull.

[Getty]

This knife is so dull. You could ride to town. I love that.

[Armstrong]

It still looks like a sword.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Armstrong]

Am I going to have a problem? Our parents going to call the police?

[Getty]

Especially in your communist enclave. 100%, yes.

[CarMax Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Getty]

It's a weapon. It looks like. Well, it's arguably a weapon, but so's

[Armstrong]

a bat and there's kids playing baseball.

[Getty]

Exactly. Yeah. I didn't say it was a good idea or justified, but yeah, I got to admit, if I saw a teenager with a sword, I would be concerned. I'm not sure I would call, but I would think about it.

[Armstrong]

I wouldn't call the police, but I wouldn't want my kids over with the kid with the sword.

[Getty]

Yeah. In a world of school shooters, I mean, it's not like there are a lot of school swordsmen. Yeah, yeah, that. That seems like probably begging for trouble.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, he's really excited about this. I might see if I can convince him to do it in our backyard.

[Getty]

Oh, there you go. Sweeten the deal a little bit. What goes well with melons?

[Armstrong]

I just don't need to deal with talking to the police.

[Getty]

Right, right. Oh, my God, it could be a huge pain.

[Armstrong]

Feel that thing.

[Getty]

Right?

[Armstrong]

And then I'd have to use my. Yo. Well, it's still a weapon. What? So's that bad over there, you know, cuffs. And give me the old wood shampoo.

[Getty]

Really? You don't. Oh, please. Well, make sure somebody's videotaping it with their phone. Be good for ratings. Maybe we'll go viral. Nothing goes with melons because melons don't need anything. They're a food, they're a beverage.

[Jacob Goldstein]

We.

[Armstrong]

We have this running joke in my family, my family being me and my two boys that anytime I almost do anything bad, it's like we go to our announcer voice. Oh, known Trump supporter, you know, runs over kid on bicycle or whatever. This one would be known Trump supporter and right wing radio lunatic sense son to park with sword. It's not a good headline.

[Getty]

No. No.

[Armstrong]

So I guess I'll. I'll have to talk about that. Okay. Dang it.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, we bought all the melons yesterday at the grocery store.

[Getty]

Speaking of bats, that David French article I shared during hour four of the show, he made a reference, fairly casual reference, to how sports has changed and now everybody pays for enormous amounts of swag and travel teams and blah, blah, blah. And he mentioned, I don't know how old he is. He must be a little younger than us. He mentioned, you know, back in the day, you had your. Your own shoes and. And glove and bat and blah, blah, blah. And. And I was like, hang on there. That Whole you've got to have your own bat thing.

[Armstrong]

No way.

[Getty]

That happened like after I stopped playing ball as like a young adult. If anybody announced, no, I have to have my own bat, we'd have laughed them out of the dugout.

[Armstrong]

No kidding.

[Getty]

We've got every size, every length and weight you need. That one's got a little thinner handle or close choke up half an inch. Yeah. The idea that, oh, I must have my own bat again, we'd have hooted. But everything's gotten more fancy and professionalized.

[Armstrong]

Pushed by people who are profiting from it. How do you not catch onto this?

[Getty]

And moms.

[Armstrong]

And moms who like the outfits.

[Getty]

They like fancy. Oh, and dads who think that their kids gonna get a scholarship and be a sports hero. That will reflect well on them and the rest of it. One of the weirdest twists in my life is I was obsessed with sports for a lot of it. And I assumed my kids would be really into sports. And they weren't. They were just casual rec league type people. And I am so relieved. I was initially disappointed. I am so relieved.

[Armstrong]

Right. That's funny. I have that similar in that I would have been perfectly fine if they were like, super into a sport. And there's all the advantages of, you know, being busy doing something that's not bad for you, if nothing else. Sure. But watching other people's lives be dominated by their kids. Baseball, swimming, soccer, whatever. It doesn't break my heart that we're not doing that.

[Getty]

Yeah. And I know we've shared some really wise stuff about having the kids activity be the king of the family is really not healthy.

[Armstrong]

I know.

[Getty]

I'm not criticizing y'. All. I know it's kind of part of the modern world and you just get swept along in it, but really, really

[Armstrong]

loves it or is really, really good at it. But yeah, I know several people who. They just disappear from life for three, four months of the year, if not longer, because of it's whatever season.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Armstrong]

Which was just unheard of. I mean, if nothing else, you got to admit that didn't exist until fairly recently.

[Getty]

Driven by something. Yeah.

[Armstrong]

Driven by something. One more thing. I'll just finish on this. On the sword. I thought this was kind of funny. So we got the sword at Wall Drug in South Dakota, which is a very famous tourist trap. Really, really cool place. Anyway, it's an authentic, very authentic Civil War sword that was kind of expensive. And he really, really wanted and had to be like, part of his birthday present and everything like that because it was kind of expensive because we had just visited where Custer's Last Stand and we just did that whole tour and everything like that. And so it's, it's a really, really cool heavy duty sword, but it doesn't have an edge on it. So he wanted to try it out on cutting a watermelon open. And so we waited until we got to my parents house, his grandparents house, and my brothers were there and we were all wondering is this going to like, what could go wrong here? Is this going to work? Is it going to like hit and like, like break his wrists with like the swinging really hard and like, like if you hit a tree with a bat. Sure. Or is it going to bounce straight up and hit him in the face? Just trying to figure out what, what horrible things could go wrong here or, or, or will it cut the melon?

[Getty]

We, we all described my entire childhood right there, which is why I have so many scars.

[Armstrong]

Well, yeah, we used to all just try this stuff on our own without asking our parents if it was okay and we're better for it. Yeah. But anyway, and, and parents didn't used to worry about it. Like I was worried about it. We were all going through and my younger, my youngest brother, who's very cautious, was just certain it was going to be a disaster of some sort. But anyway, we all went to the park. So it's me, my brother, Grandma and Grandpa Henry and his brother Sam and the sword and the big watermelon and we got it on video and everything like that. And nobody knew what was going to happen. And he brings us up over his head and sliced it perfectly into like it was a sharp knife. Which is just amazing. I mean just a perfect cut.

[CarMax Advertiser]

Awesome.

[Armstrong]

Even though it's dull. Wow. Which I thought was an interesting lesson about inertia or swords or something.

[Public Investing Advertiser]

I don't know.

[Getty]

Or watermelons

[Armstrong]

or melon in general.

[Getty]

Well, presumably then it could do some fairly serious damage to flesh as well.

[Armstrong]

Oh, to a head, yeah.

[Getty]

Yeah, yeah.

[Armstrong]

I think it'd probably do the same thing to a head man.

[Getty]

I think about my mom, God rest her soul. The number of times I came home bloody. What happened? Trying to, you know, wash it off to figure out whether, you know, I needed to be ministered to by professionals or.

[Armstrong]

That's always the key. There's blood. How bad is it? It could be quite minor and bloody or could be very, very bad.

[Getty]

As every parents know. Every parent knows there are some parts of the body that are more than generous if they start to bleed some a great deal less so.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, yeah, so that's your lesson. Even with a very, very dull sword, if you find yourself in a situation where you'd really like some watermelon, don't

[Getty]

waste your money with the local sword sharpener. Your Civil War sword will do just fine.

[Armstrong]

Exactly. Look, we've all learned something.

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So if you get fruit salad at Jack's house, just know that his son sliced that up.

[Getty]

Coming up on tomorrow's podcast, Killing Flies with Muskets. Stay with us.

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Well, I guess that's it.

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