Armstrong & Getty On Demand

Episode: “Different Ways to Handle Grieving”

Date: December 10, 2025

Overview

This episode explores the complex and highly personal nature of grief, focusing especially on the use of humor as a coping mechanism. The hosts discuss different approaches to handling loss, including sharing an anecdote about comedian Conan O'Brien’s darkly comic texts following his parents' deaths. The conversation delves into the boundaries of joking about painful subjects, the individuality of the grieving process, and the misunderstandings that often arise when people judge others' reactions to loss.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Humor as a Way to Grieve

• Setup: The hosts introduce the topic by referencing both personal experience and literary examples, notably Christopher Hitchens' reflections on making jokes about his own cancer diagnosis.
  • “It's okay for me to make jokes about my cancer, not okay for other people to make jokes about my cancer.” — Armstrong (02:50)
• Discussion: Armstrong and Getty talk about who gets to set the boundaries for humor around serious topics like illness or death, emphasizing that the person directly affected is usually the one who determines what’s appropriate.
• Quote:
  • “The person involved kind of gets to set the bar for how far we're willing to go with this generally.” — Armstrong (03:25)

2. Conan O'Brien's Grieving Style: Edgy Humor

• Conan’s Approach: The episode features a story circulating on Conan O'Brien’s own show about the death of his parents and his instinct to use humor, even immediately after their passing.
  • Will Arnett and Jason Bateman, friends of Conan, become involved in a tongue-in-cheek text exchange in which Conan jokingly blames Bateman for his father’s death.
• Notable Moments:
  • Day after his father's death, Conan texts:
    • “To be honest, I blame Bateman. He killed my dad.” — Conan O'Brien (05:19-05:33 as recounted by Getty)
  • Following his mother’s death just days later, Conan continues the joking by giving Bateman his sister’s address and the instructions:
    • “Fantastic. 625 Boylston street, apartment 12C. Tell Bateman to make it look like a robbery.” — Conan O'Brien (06:39-06:57 as recounted by Getty)
• Hosts’ Reactions:
  • “That is some pretty edgy joking.” — Armstrong (07:01)
  • “I take it that he's like one of those people where that's actually healing for him.” — Guest (07:27)
• Conan's Reflection:
  • “That's the way I grieve. That's just the way I'm built. That was helpful for me to do that.” — Conan O'Brien (discussion referenced by Armstrong and Guest, 07:31-07:41)

3. Personalization and Boundaries in Grieving

• Diversity of Reactions: The hosts and guest comment on how personal and varied responses to grief can be, from humor to stoicism to overt emotional displays.
  • “Everybody has a different way of processing. You know, some people just go to pieces and stay in pieces for a while and bounce right back. Some people remain very, very stoic. They've got to keep it between the lines for a while.” — Guest (08:18-08:48)
• Judgment from Outsiders:
  • The conversation mentions how grief counselors and chaplains get frustrated when the public makes assumptions based on how someone reacts to loss:
    • “What really pisses people off who deal with grief... is where somebody watches a news story and says... ‘That's not the way somebody would act because everybody has a different way of processing.’” — Guest (07:55-08:18)
• Relationship Dynamics:
  • The group speculates that this style of joking is only possible in certain relationships and not everyone can—or should—initiate such humor.
    • “If my brother initiated it, I would be all in, but I'm not sure I would think to initiate it. Wow.” — Guest (08:48)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It's okay for me to make jokes about my cancer, not okay for other people to make jokes about my cancer.”
  — Armstrong (02:50)

• “The person involved kind of gets to set the bar for how far we're willing to go with this generally.”
  — Armstrong (03:25)

• “To be honest, I blame Bateman. He killed my dad.”
  — Conan O'Brien via Getty (05:19–05:33)

• “Tell Bateman to make it look like a robbery.”
  — Conan O'Brien via Getty (06:39–06:57)

• “That's the way I grieve. That's just the way I'm built.”
  — Conan O'Brien as referenced by Armstrong (07:31–07:37)

• “Everybody has a different way of processing… some people just go to pieces and stay in pieces for a while and bounce right back. Some people remain very, very stoic.”
  — Guest (08:18–08:48)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:38] – Main topic introduction: “Different ways to handle grieving.”
• [03:25] – Setting boundaries in grief and humor.
• [04:50]–[07:00] – The Conan O’Brien story: using humor to cope and friends' reactions.
• [07:31–07:41] – Hosts analyze Conan’s approach and discuss humor as healing.
• [08:18–08:48] – Broader conversation about the diversity of grief reactions and outsider judgments.

Tone & Takeaways

• The conversation is candid, at times irreverent, but always rooted in the understanding that grief is highly personal.
• The hosts maintain a tone of curiosity and empathy, balancing humor with respectful acknowledgment of pain.
• The story about Conan O'Brien stands as a reminder that humor, even dark or edgy, can be a legitimate and necessary way for some people to process loss.
• The episode ultimately encourages listeners to respect each individual’s grieving style and resist making judgments based on outward behavior.