Armstrong & Getty On Demand

Episode: F-It...I Shouldn't Eat This Thing Anyway!
Date: October 20, 2025
Network: iHeartPodcasts

Main Theme / Purpose

This episode of the Armstrong & Getty Show delves into everyday frustrations with modern shopping, especially self-checkout lines and store management during peak hours. The hosts share their personal (often hilarious) experiences navigating long lines, malfunctioning machines, and the mixed blessings of social media accountability. Through candid anecdotes, they reflect on customer service, the limits of technology, and the changing nature of public complaints.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Self-Checkout Struggle – Pie at Costco

• Hate or Love Self-Checkout?

  • B expresses intense dislike for self-checkout, feeling it's unnecessarily frustrating.
    • “As I’ve pointed out, I hate self-checkout.” (00:18)
  • C loves self-checkout to avoid forced conversations with cashiers.
    • “I don’t have to make weird forced conversation about what I might be doing this week.” (C – 00:30)
  • B admits to a “battle” between being a misanthrope and a “Luddite”—side with hating tech.
    • “It’s a battle between my misanthrope and my hatred of technology. My being a Luddite. And the Luddite wins...” (B – 00:35)

• Costco Pie Saga

  • Host B describes attempting to buy a giant Costco apple pie while picking up his son’s medication. He is immediately frustrated by the self-checkout's mechanical prompts and pressure from the long line behind him.

    • “Place the item in the whatever tray. I haven’t. Please scan your item. Scan my item? Place your item in the… I set it down. Please place your item in the tr. I have placed it in the tray. Please scan your next item. I don’t have any more items. Please remove your item from the… What tray are you—f*** it. I don’t want this pie anymore.” (B – 02:01)

  • The frustration boils over as B abandons the pie, leaving hungry but slightly relieved:

    • “I thought I didn’t need to eat a pie anyway. But what. What tray? What f***ing tray am I supposed to put this goddamn pie in?” (B, 02:45)

• Memorable Exchange Over Machine Annoyance

  • All sympathize with the confusion that happens when self-checkout malfunctions, plus the lack of a “start over” button.
    • “There does need to be a start over button. Because if you make a mistake and it thinks you’re, you know, the weight doesn’t match the whatever. Yeah, you’re screwed.” (B – 03:38)

• Comic Relief on “Glorious Pocket Fork”

  • Conversation devolves into jokes about eating pie in the car and using a “pocket fork.”
    • “Which I was going to eat in my car, sitting in the parking lot. I was gonna eat a whole bunch of pie. It was gonna be glorious.” (B – 04:00)
    • “The glorious pocket fork.” (D – 04:11)

2. Social Media Complaints and Store Accountability

• Line at Safeway Out the Door

  • B describes another experience: a line stretching to the back of Safeway because only one register was open at rush hour.

    • “The line was, honest to God, all the way back… people were up against the milk in the back.” (B – 04:27)

  • He tweets at Safeway, believes it made a difference:

    • “I said, hey Safeway, it’s five o’clock. The line is back to the milk section. You’ve got one register open. How do you stay in business?” (B – 04:39)

  • His son is skeptical, but B argues that social media complaints reach management and drive change:

    • “I do know that those companies… have people that their job is to make sure things do not… blow up on social media.” (B – 06:24)
    • “I guarantee you the manager of that store heard from somebody in corporate. What are you doing here?” (B – 07:18)

• Brand Response

  • Safeway actually replied: “Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We’d like to learn more about your experience. Please send us a DM so we can assist you directly.” (D, reading – 07:06)

  • The hosts discuss the speed of response—an indicator brands feel pressure to respond to customer complaints online.

• Does Online Feedback Matter?

  • The group debates whether such complaints drive real change. All generally agree companies urgently monitor their reputations online.

3. In-Store Behavior and Customer Etiquette

• Handling Belligerence

  • D asserts the importance of remaining civil even when registering a complaint.
    • “It is possible to register your unhappiness in a way that is civilized.” (D – 08:02)

• Recognizing Hard Work… Or Not

  • B jokes about complimenting a young grocery worker for hustling—while other hosts joke the worker was just coming back from vaping out back.
    • “I really appreciate your hustle, dude. That’s really impressive.” (B – 08:35)
    • “He’s probably getting paged over the PA and out back, banging out a cigarette…” (C – 08:45)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Self-Checkout:

  • B: “What tray? What f***ing tray am I supposed to put this goddamn pie in?” (02:45)
  • D (joking): “You’re out of control. You’ve eaten from the… the fruit of bitterness.” (03:00)
  • C: “There needs to be a ‘start again’ button. Clearly though, because I think we’ve all gotten caught up in the ‘please remove that item vortex.’” (03:29)

• On Social Media Complaints:

  • B: “In the old days you’d have never been able to get ahold of anybody. But in the social media world they do not want that sort of comment out there.” (05:53)
  • D (reading Safeway response): “‘Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We’d like to learn more about your experience. Please send us a DM so we can assist you directly. Thank you.’” (07:06)

• On Staff Behavior:

  • B (after realizing he’s complimenting a worker who may just have run in from a break): “I’m giving him all this credit for working hard. He’s vaping back there, scrolling through text like, oh, crap.” (09:03)

• Comedy:

  • B (on hypothetical DM to Safeway): “Send them a DM, not a DP. Here’s my jack, here’s my junk. Does this help anything?” (07:35)
  • C: “Did you go to the self checkout to avoid the line or did you just stand there and tweet?” (07:49)

Important Timestamps

• 00:18–03:00 — Costco self-checkout frustrations, apple pie saga
• 03:29–04:12 — Commentary about start-over button, jokes about pocket fork
• 04:24–07:18 — Line at Safeway, tweeting at the company, discussion on social media accountability
• 08:02–09:35 — Store etiquette, recognizing staff, role of online feedback and in-person complaints

Tone and Language

Authentic, exasperated, comedic, and occasionally profane. The back-and-forth banter is marked by honest complaints, laughter at their own misadventures, and tongue-in-cheek solutions to everyday problems—very much in the Armstrong & Getty style.

Summary

This episode captures the relatable frustrations of modern retail: the pitfalls of self-checkout machines, the annoyance of poorly staffed checkout lines, and the little victories (or losses) in everyday errands. Blending humor and insight, the hosts reveal how technology, customer expectations, and social media intertwine in today’s shopping experience, all while remaining endearingly, if profanely, human.