I Can't Bribe A Dock Worker?!

Summary

Armstrong & Getty On Demand – Episode: "I Can't Bribe A Dock Worker?!" (April 11, 2025)

Hosts: Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty
Produced by: iHeartPodcasts

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Overview

In the episode titled "I Can't Bribe A Dock Worker?!," hosts Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty tackle a myriad of topics, blending sharp political commentary with relatable workplace frustrations. From dissecting the inefficiencies of corporate training programs to analyzing the escalating trade war between the U.S. and China, Armstrong and Getty deliver their signature blend of humor and insight. This episode also features discussions on recent news events, personal anecdotes, and interactions that underscore the absurdities of modern corporate culture and geopolitical tensions.

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1. The Frustration with Corporate Training

A significant portion of the episode centers around the hosts' exasperation with mandatory corporate training programs. Drew Goins initiates the conversation by lamenting the time-consuming and often redundant nature of these trainings.

• Drew Goins [07:00]:
  "It's just a way to get straight with the lawyers so that if somebody does sexually harass somebody or steal office equipment or whatever, you can't come back and say, well, I didn't know."

• Joe Getty [08:30]:
  "I don't understand the tactic of turning PowerPoints with words that I can read into a video that I have to sit through."

The hosts argue that these trainings are more about legal protection for corporations than genuine employee education. They share personal experiences, highlighting how mandatory sessions often cover the basics to the point of redundancy, wasting both time and resources.

• Drew Goins [09:28]:
  "It has to be legal. I know it is, but even so. It's a joke. It's just it makes me angry on that level. It's not the time it takes."

Their critique extends to the method of delivery—repetitive modules that deter actual engagement and learning, ultimately fostering a sense of collective annoyance among employees.

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2. The U.S.-China Trade War and Tariffs

Armstrong and Getty delve into the complexities of the ongoing trade war between the United States and China, discussing the strategic imposition of tariffs and its broader economic implications.

• Drew Goins [06:00]:
  "Trump announced yesterday. No made him. People are reporting this wrong. Our tariffs on China are not 125%. They're 145% or 48% or whatever it is but it's much higher. It's a lot. Very, very high."

The hosts express skepticism about the efficacy of the U.S.'s high tariffs, citing an editorial from the Wall Street Journal that criticizes the approach:

• Drew Goins [34:19]:
  "His theory being that China is going to come around, they're going to stop screwing with us the way they have, and then everything will go back to the way it was and we'll have won the battle."

• Wall Street Journal Editorial Board [36:08]:
  "The tariffs that continue are the largest tax increase in the United States since 1982. They're bigger than Bill Clinton's 93 tax increase and George H.W. Bush's 1990 tax increase. Taxes are anti-growth."

Armstrong and Getty highlight the potential ripple effects of these tariffs on consumers, questioning how increasing costs on imported goods might impact everyday purchases and overall economic health.

• Drew Goins [38:12]:
  "When you go to Amazon and pick something out and say, whoa, I don't remember that costing that much. Remember what inflation was like every time you went to the grocery store or McDonald's or whatever, and you go, whoa, that's how much is that gonna start happening again here in the next couple of weeks with everything from China every time you go to Walmart or whatever?"

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3. Satirical Takes on Current News Events

The episode features Armstrong and Getty's trademark satire as they dissect and mock various recent news stories, highlighting the absurdities and contradictions within media reporting and public reactions.

• Helicopter Crash in New York City:
  They discuss a tragic incident involving a helicopter crash that claimed six lives, including a tech CEO. The hosts express sympathy while critiquing the media's focus on sensationalized stories.

  • Drew Goins [17:30]:
    "The video was awful. The picture, I mean, I've taken pictures like that with my brothers and my parents when we were kids and with my family. The family picture they take for you right before you get on the helicopter trip. And then a few minutes later, they were dead. What a horrible, horrible deal."

• 2028 LA Olympics' Mixed-Gender Categories:
  Armstrong and Getty mock the addition of mixed-gender events, questioning the practicality and competitiveness of such categories.

  • Joe Getty [19:34]:
    "They're going to have a mixed gender version with the same participants or different participants."

  • Drew Goins [20:11]:
    "They're going to have a mixed gender version with the same participants or different participants. Aren't the dudes just going to dominate?"

• Kamala Harris's Potential Governor Run:
  They humorously speculate on Kamala Harris consulting with Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden about a possible gubernatorial bid, poking fun at intra-party dynamics.

  • Drew Goins [20:52]:
    "Why would you meet with Joe Biden about anything? I would think she would know better. I mean, I can understand her meeting with Hillary and other people, but as she tries to decide whether she wants to run for governor in California..."

• Subway Necrophilia Incident:
  A bizarre and unsettling report from the New York Times about an incident of necrophilia on the subway becomes a focal point for the hosts' dark humor.

  • Drew Goins [45:16]:
    "How in the world are there enough people willing to have sex with a corpse? Not only that, you gotta be in the mood immediately and willing to do it in public."

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4. Personal Anecdotes and Humorous Interactions

Interspersed throughout the episode are personal stories and lighthearted exchanges that humanize the hosts and provide comic relief.

• Travel Mug Troubles:
  Drew shares his ongoing battle with finding a functional travel mug, leading to a humorous exchange about faulty designs.

  • Drew Goins [06:00]:
    "I spilled coffee all over myself driving to work today, and I've yet to find a travel mug sort of thing that I can drink out of successfully."

  • Joe Getty [25:03]:
    "Not more expensive than your Starbucks cup. 30 bucks."

• Potential Medical Emergency on Air:
  An unexpected moment where Drew experiences a swollen tongue during the broadcast leads to a blend of concern and comedy.

  • Drew Goins [29:54]:
    "Yeah, but for whatever reason, man, my tongue, like, swollen to twice its normal size immediately. Like I got stung by a bee or something."

  • Joe Getty [31:10]:
    "What was funny was Michael following you into the newsroom asking if you wanted him to drive you home."

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5. Closing Remarks and Teasers for Upcoming Segments

As the episode draws to a close, Armstrong and Getty preview upcoming segments, including interviews with guests like Mike Lyons and additional discussions on the trade war's impact. They also hint at "Clips of the Week," promising listeners a retrospective look at notable moments from the week.

• Drew Goins [43:10]:
  "A large municipal water district and they start their training with remember not to use patriarchal terms. What? What the hell? I'm in low level data entry that never travels. But I had to know how to not mess with experience."

• Armstrong [45:57]:
  "How crazy is that? That is. Is that what percentage of people that get on subways want to have sex with a dead body? That's what I would like to know. 23%."

They encourage audience engagement, inviting listeners to share their own corporate training nightmares and promising a wealth of further discussion and analysis in future episodes.

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Notable Quotes

• Drew Goins [07:00]:
  "It's just a way to get straight with the lawyers so that if somebody does sexually harass somebody or steal office equipment or whatever, you can't come back and say, well, I didn't know."

• Joe Getty [08:30]:
  "I don't understand the tactic of turning PowerPoints with words that I can read into a video that I have to sit through."

• Drew Goins [34:19]:
  "Transition costs, that's what he's calling the extra, what we'll all be paying for a while."

• Drew Goins [45:22]:
  "How crazy is that? That is. Is that what percentage of people that get on subways want to have sex with a dead body? That's what I would like to know. 23%."

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Conclusion

In "I Can't Bribe A Dock Worker?!," Armstrong and Getty adeptly navigate through a series of topics that resonate with both workplace and broader societal issues. Their candid discussions on the inefficiencies of corporate training and the ramifications of international trade policies offer listeners a blend of entertainment and critical insight. Coupled with their humorous interactions and sharp political commentary, this episode stands as a compelling addition to the "Armstrong & Getty On Demand" series, providing valuable perspectives amidst the chaos of modern-day challenges.

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Note: This summary intentionally omits commercial advertisements, introductions, and unrelated non-content sections to focus solely on the substantive discussions and interactions between the hosts.

Transcript

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[Molly Roberts]

I'm Molly Roberts.

[Drew Goins]

And I'm Drew Goins.

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Each Friday on Impromptu, we talk through the questions we can't stop thinking about.

[Drew Goins]

Do we need to rethink how much we drink?

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Why are companies really asking workers to come back to the office?

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Does boycotting a business actually work?

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Should we quit social media?

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We're here when the news gets personal and the headlines hit home.

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Join Molly and me every Friday on Impromptu from Washington Post Opinions.

[Molly Roberts]

Find Impromptu wherever you get your podcasts.

[Drew Goins]

Broadcasting live from the Abraham Lincoln Radio Studio at the George Washington Broadcast Center, Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty. Armstrong and Getty. And now here. Have you been watching the Forex markets? The Forex markets? You haven't been watching the Forex markets? Oh, well, you should be. Live from Studio C, a dimly lit room deep within the bowels of the Armstrong and Yeti Communications compound. They were under the tutelage of not talking about terror tariffs. That's Our general manager. Our general manager is the concept of not talking about tariffs. As I immediately launch into just a tiniest bit of tariff talk to explain why we're not going to talk about territory. I was just reading this thing about from some supposed expert about the Forex markets. It's all capitals, F O, R, E, X. A phrase I've. Or a word. The term, I guess it's an acronym I've never seen before in my life and how you need to understand those markets. And I, I mean I knew this weeks ago. I've known this my whole life. I don't know much about this stuff. And just because it's the number one story in the world right now, I've decided, you know, I'm not going to try to get my AA degree in this by reading up on it. It'll come and go as a story. I'll, I'll repeat things that other smart people say and you can sort it out on your own or, or whatever. It's not my area of expertise or interest for that matter. But, but I became aware reading a couple of things today from smart people. It's just, it's so incredibly flipping. I gotta believe the mast. The mass amount of people you hear commenting on this don't know what they're talking about. That's got to be the case. Anyway, the other one thing that is worth mentioning that happened overnight. Oh, Joe's at the Masters golf tournament which is the biggest golf tournament of the year. If you're not into golf, it's a really, really big deal. Very, very hard ticket to get. He's there today only but he's, he's going to call in later we think overnight. So Trump announced yesterday. No made him. People are reporting this wrong. Our tariffs on China are not 125%. They're 145% or 48% or whatever it is but it's much higher. It's a lot. Very, very high. So everything going into China are coming in from China has a 145 tariff on it or close to that. So China announced overnight while you were asleep, everything going into their country from the United States now has a 125% tariff on it. So it is, it was already. But it is now a full blown trade war between the two biggest economies that have ever existed on planet Earth. Full bore trade war. Uh, the analysis beyond that, I'm not capable of doing it. I'm not smart enough. But it should be exciting to watch and see what things start to cost to Come in from China. That is the end of my commentary on the trade war. I spilled coffee all over myself driving in the to work today, and I've yet to find a travel mug sort of thing that I can drink out of successfully. I just. I just can't.

[Joe Getty]

So, I mean, there are quite a few of them.

[Drew Goins]

The lids on most of them are built in such a way that you have to tilt your head back to be able to get the liquid to come out. And then you're staring up in the air and you can't see the road. If I drink out of a regular cup, which is what I've always done, I. And Joe has always said, why don't you have some sort of travel mug with the lid? I just drink out of a regular coffee cup. Because you can just tilt it a little bit to drink. Okay, see, look, here, I'll show you. See, this lid only flips up this far.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah.

[Drew Goins]

So it's against my nose already.

[Joe Getty]

Okay.

[Drew Goins]

So you can't get any liquid to come out. It's almost vertical still.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, problematic. I see that.

[Drew Goins]

So to get liquid to come out, I got to get tilted at least this far.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, that. That doesn't work, in which case I'm.

[Drew Goins]

Staring straight up in the air.

[Joe Getty]

Have you considered a straw hot coffee?

[Drew Goins]

But maybe this is a official Starbucks mug, too, and it wasn't cheap. 30 bucks. This is the.

[Joe Getty]

This is quite the conundrum.

[Drew Goins]

30 bucks.

[Joe Getty]

30 bucks?

[Drew Goins]

Yeah, because it says Starbucks on it.

[Joe Getty]

I'm disappointed in you.

[Drew Goins]

I'm disappointed in me on a daily basis. The other thing I wanted to talk about is corporate training that we all have to take because I spent good hour and a half yesterday on some corporate training. I know every corporation does that. It is not a complaint about my corporation that employs me, and I'm very happy about it and the wage we agreed on and everything. I have no complaints about that. I know every corporation does this. So this is not unique, but everybody I know also complains about it. And this is the sort of thing I wish Doge could get rid of. How many man hours are wasted every quarter or every year on training for your various industry? That, from what I hear from y'all, is the same as it is with ours. It's completely worthless. I mean, there's no. There's no real anything to it. I've always assumed. It's just. It's a way to get straight with the lawyers so that if somebody does sexually harass somebody or steal office equipment or whatever, you can't Come back and say, well, I didn't know, and sue the corporation. The corporation can say, yes, we trained you in this. And you signed a little certificate that says you were trained in it.

[Joe Getty]

I don't understand the tactic of turning PowerPoints with words that I can read into a video that I have to sit through. As the words scroll by and I listen to someone else read them to me.

[Drew Goins]

I wonder, man, ours aren't as long as the government. I have a friend who works in almost at the agency. I shouldn't. In one of the government agencies. And there's a really long. I wonder if lawyers said no. It's got to be at least 40 minutes long for courts to believe that you trained them. I wonder if there's something like that. Because it does seem. Yeah. Like they go out of their way to drag it out. Something you could read in 10 minutes. They talk very, very slowly to make it longer. Yes. Back in the day, some of them.

[Joe Getty]

You could actually fast forward.

[Drew Goins]

Not that. Not that I ever did that, but. Right.

[Joe Getty]

Well, you wouldn't do that.

[Drew Goins]

No, of course not. Because he's conscientious. Yeah, that's right. Early days of doing these online, you could just click to the end. Now you got to let them roll in real time. And I. I assume everybody does them the same way I do. You press play, you go do your laundry, you come back. Okay, that one's that made it to the end. Press play again, come back later until you're done. And everybody does that. And everybody knows everybody does that, including the bosses at every company.

[Joe Getty]

Are we doing. It's gotta be legal. You nailed it.

[Drew Goins]

It has to be legal. I know it is, but even so. It's a joke. It's just it. It. It makes me angry on that level. It's not the time it takes. I've hated this since I was a kid. I don't like pretending. I don't like everybody lying to themselves. It's like. It's like an Orwell thing. I just. I don't like us all sitting around and pretending this isn't silly. It makes me nuts. And everybody knows it's ridiculous. And your boss knows it's ridiculous, and your boss's boss knows it's ridiculous. And yet we all do it in every corporation. I don't know how many times you have to do it per year with all the training hours and hours of it. It makes me crazy. This is the sort of thing Doge should be able to get rid of. You know, they. They tally up every March madness. They say $4.3 billion worth of productivity will be lost this year as people fill out their brackets at work. How many billions of dollars of productivity are lost from these training things that accomplish nothing? Actually, there are studies that show that after sexual harassment training, sexual harassment goes up. There have been multiple studies show that. I don't quite understand why that would be.

[Joe Getty]

Because it's like a how to.

[Drew Goins]

You're looking hot.

[Joe Getty]

Because you can't say that. Oh, that's bad.

[Drew Goins]

You see, the guys say that and you think that's a pretty good line. Is that what happens? I don't quite understand.

[Joe Getty]

I haven't tried that one yet.

[Drew Goins]

Our main training in our industry, first of all, it's. Oh, it's so. I. I'm sure this is true in whatever industry you are. It's so, like, anachronistic or antiquated or whatever about things that used to be true years ago or. Or never occurred. Like, luckily, Michael, Katie and I have been trained recently this week to not to go down to a dock and bribe a dock worker as they unload.

[Joe Getty]

A boat, which I was really considering doing. Yeah, I was very close until I saw that video. And then I went, oh, I can't do that.

[Drew Goins]

I'm not supposed to go down to the do where they unload giant container ships, bribe dock workers and bring stuff to the radio station.

[Joe Getty]

I had to come up with something else. It's just awful.

[Drew Goins]

Again, I'm not complaining about my company. I'm happy with my company. I just saying every corporation in America does this and it's a waste of time and money. Yes, Michael, if bosses are listening, I find them joyful.

[Joe Getty]

And I really enjoy this stuff.

[Drew Goins]

You wish there were more. Yeah, I do. Yes. It's hilarious. I mean, it's. It would be hilarious if it didn't take up so much time. Oh, my God. Anyway, if you have those, let me know what you get trained in in your industry and how stupid they are. On the text line. 415295, KFTC. Let's start the show officially. We got some good guests today. Whenever Joe's gone, I line up some guests and we got some good. Been wanting to talk to Mike Lyons for a long time because there's a bunch of military stuff going on. We haven't talked to him in weeks. I can't wait to do that. Official star of the show. I'm Jack Armstrong. He's Joe Getty on this. It is Friday, April 11th, the year 2025. We are Armstrong and Getty. And we approve of this program. Let's begin the show. Heading into the weekend at Mark. Texas is investigating Kellogg's over its healthy products containing artificial flavors and dyes.

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[Drew Goins]

You should know it's not healthy when they have to spell fruit with two O's. I mean, give me.

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[Drew Goins]

Now. You're gonna miss the dyes when they're gone. Maybe they're all killing us. Maybe the dyes are giving us cancer and they should go. But you get rid of the dyes and everything's just kind of a gray or a brown.

[Jack Armstrong]

Not appetizer.

[Drew Goins]

Yeah, I don't think people are going to enjoy that. What color would a pop Tart be in its natural form and all the ingredients? I think it'd be some sort of gray sludge instead of a brown crust. I think same with your. Your Fruit Loops. Some of the other guests, we. We were talking, going to talk to somebody about this giant legislation bill that they're trying to get through. Possibly some of this terrorist stuff is to hide the fact that they're trying to renew the Trump tax cuts, which is a really, really big deal for everybody who pays taxes and for the economy. And the Democrats hate it. I paid my tax bill yesterday for the year. Wrote the biggest check I've ever written in my life, and just gotta love taxes. Gotta love them. And then when you come to work and talk about all the ways that they waste your taxes. Mmm. Makes it even more enjoyable when you. When you find out that that big chunk of money that you spent is being used unwisely. Doesn't that feel good? Warms your. Warms the cockles of your heart. Anyway, we got a lot of good stuff on the way. Text with those corporate trainings that you do, please. And we've got clips of the week coming up. Also, Katie's headlines, all on the way. Stay with us.

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Armstrong and Getty.

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[Drew Goins]

This is from the Seattle Times. REI's new CEO has apologized for his endorsement of President Trump's Secretary of the interior. Wow. Kind of world do we live in? Well, REI is a pretty hippie, dippy store, really like it. But they couldn't handle Trump's Secretary of Interior, whoever the heck that is. All right, let's find out what the headlines are with Katie Green.

[Joe Getty]

All right, well, this is the top story everywhere, but from USA Today, tech company CEO among six killed in New York City helicopter crash.

[Drew Goins]

Well, part of the reason it's a top story is it happened in New York. So things that happen in New York always end up being the top story. It's a terrible story, but it has no greater significance to anyone's life.

[Joe Getty]

The video was awful.

[Drew Goins]

Yeah. The picture, I mean, I've had, I've taken pictures like that with my brothers and my parents when we were kids and with my family. The family picture they take for you right before you get on the helicopter trip. And then a few minutes later, they were dead. What a horrible, horrible deal. The rotor just broke off. That's the end of that.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah. From the Associated Press. U S Stocks dive as you euphoria on Wall street reverts to fear about US China trade war.

[Drew Goins]

Yeah. I'm going to read a little thing from Wall Street Journal's editorial board about.

[Joe Getty]

That coming up from cnn. Supreme Court says Trump administration must, quote, facilitate release of man wrongly deported to El Salvador prison.

[Drew Goins]

That's a heck of a deal. So to their credit, the Trump people announced that they had made a mistake once they figured it out. They didn't claim that they didn't. But now the Supreme Court's saying it's on them to try to figure out how to get the guy back. So is the guy currently in that horrible prison? That's one of the worst prisons on earth. Good God, you wouldn't want to be there in there for an hour, let alone weeks.

[Joe Getty]

No.

[Drew Goins]

Geez, he's going to. And you know when he comes back, oh, he will be on 60 Minutes or the, you know, George Stephanopoulos will have him on ABC this week or he'll be everywhere.

[Joe Getty]

Meet the Press. Yeah, he'll be, yeah, he'll be all.

[Drew Goins]

Over the place to make Trump look horrible with his whole deportation thing.

[Joe Getty]

From the New York Times, Trump envoy arrives in Russia seeking to rekindle Ukraine.

[Drew Goins]

War talks which are nowhere.

[Joe Getty]

From the Guardian LA 2028 Olympics adds swimming and sprints to mixed gender categories. So they're gonna, instead of having men's and women's and because of this whole trans thing, now they're just saying, oh, you guys all do it Together.

[Drew Goins]

Not all of them. They'll still have the men's 100 meter and women's 100 meter, but they also have a mixed version.

[Joe Getty]

They're going to have a mixed gender.

[Drew Goins]

Version with the same participants or different participants.

[Joe Getty]

I. They didn't get into all of that detail. They were just talking about the events themselves.

[Drew Goins]

Wow. Unless they go out of their way to rig it. Aren't the dudes just going to dominate.

[Joe Getty]

That you like, they usually would like.

[Drew Goins]

Like they. They do. Yeah. Right. You know, in case you're not aware of this, like the best high school boys can beat the best women in the world. Olympic records. It's just. Just a fact. I didn't know the Olympics were in LA in 2028. That's kind of exciting.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah. This one from the athletic MLB Insider says the billion dollar ball player could arrive by 2030.

[Drew Goins]

Billion dollar contract. Wow.

[Joe Getty]

This one from California Globe. Former VP Kamala Harris consults with Hillary Clinton on possible Governor run in 2026. She's also meeting with Biden and Butt Edge.

[Drew Goins]

Edge. Why would you meet with Joe Biden about anything? I would think she would know better. I mean, I can understand her meeting with Hillary and other people, but as she tries to decide whether she wants to run for governor in California, basically her thinking is probably, is it? Well, one. Will I win? Will I be embarrassed? Will I absolutely embarrass the embarrassed? And the embarrassment would come in not getting the nomination. I think other Democrats run and Californians think. Yeah, you're. You're ridiculous. The New York Times had some pretty scathing stuff about her yesterday. How Democrats around the country don't want her around. They don't think she helped. She walks out on the stage with you.

[Joe Getty]

From Page Six. Jack Nicholson offered his home to ex wife during LA fires. Quote, heartbreakingly sweet.

[Drew Goins]

That was nice.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah. He's one of my favorite actors of all time. This one from the New York Post. This sketchy drink order immediately puts every bartender on high alert, quote, scanning for the nearest security guard.

[Drew Goins]

What drink is it?

[Joe Getty]

You want to guess or no, I.

[Drew Goins]

Don'T have a guess.

[Joe Getty]

The Long Island Iced Tea.

[Clorox Representative]

Oh.

[Drew Goins]

Because it's got so much booze in it.

[Joe Getty]

They say people drinking those are looking to black out.

[Drew Goins]

Yeah, I mean, I was aware of that back when I used to drink. If I was with somebody who's drinking Long Island Iced Teas, I realized you are going to get wasted. Yeah.

[Joe Getty]

Red flag. And finally, the Babylon Bee protesters remain unaffected by Trump's showerhead deregulation.

[Drew Goins]

Yeah, I want to talk about that. That gets a lot of joking. But don't be messing with our water pressure, you nanny staters. Man, that's so that's what the founding Fathers had in mind. Is the federal government deciding how much water pressure you should have in your shower? Okay, we got clips of the week coming up and a lot more Armstrong.

[Amica Insurance Representative]

And Getty At Amica Insurance, we know it's more than just a car or a house.

[Clorox Representative]

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[Molly Roberts]

There'S an efficient way to get caught up on a lot of news. It's called the seven from the Washington Post. It's a newsletter and podcast. Whether you're reading or hit play, you get seven stories you need to know and you can consume it all in just a few minutes. The 7 is out every weekday morning by 7:00am Eastern. I'm Hannah Jewell. I'm one of the writers and I host the show. Find the seven Podcast wherever you're listening. The newsletter link is waiting for you in the show notes.

[Clorox Representative]

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[Drew Goins]

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[Jack Armstrong]

Have you ever wiped with a piece of dry single ply toilet paper and wondered, is this as good as it gets? Well, it's not it gets a lot better. Thanks to the wet, extra large cleaning power of Dude Wipes, they comfortably clean up whatever TP leaves behind on your behind. It's time to stop being an A hole to your B hole and start experiencing the confident clean of Dude Wipes. Available at Amazon and at major retailers nationwide. Dude Wipes best clean, Pants down.

[Drew Goins]

Thank you to the texter that had the same drinking coffee problem out of a mug I had and suggested the yeti coffee mug is the best. The way you turn it to the side so you don't have to tip it up so much. There you go. That might be my answer day. Those are expensive, though.

[Joe Getty]

Not more expensive than your Starbucks cup. 30 bucks.

[Drew Goins]

Probably not. Got this text. I don't know if I agree with them, but it's a decent point. I would gladly stay in an El Salvadorian prison for three weeks to earn the payout that he's gonna get from this lawsuit. I hadn't thought about that. It could be epic. Epic. He's. He could be the one of the bigger payouts ever. Yeah, I don't know. It could be pretty awful in that this is Salvador in prison if you get out alive. But yeah, he is gonna get a ton of money. I hadn't even thought about that. And the interview circuit. Oh, my God. Get ready for that. We got a whole bunch of great texts about your corporate training that are both humorous and interesting. Got Wall Street Journal editorial board weighing in on the tariffs. Maybe one aspect of it you hadn't thought of before. And a bunch of good stuff to get to some great guests today. But first, we need to take a fond look back at the week that was. We call it cow. It's clips of the week.

[Molly Roberts]

The silent riot has begun.

[Drew Goins]

Shut that off, pretty please. And sugar on top. This is CO Whips of the week. Chickenshot. And that's it. Connecticut is back on top. Flag short rebound by Houston Doncic inside. Punch it UP and in 45 for Jocica.

[Clorox Representative]

Biotech company Colossal Biosciences says it brought.

[Drew Goins]

The extinct direwolf back to life. A species that hasn't walked the earth since the stone age. May it please the court, I come here today.

[Jack Armstrong]

A humble proceed for a panel of five distinguished justices.

[Drew Goins]

Is this. Hold on. Is that counsel for the case and that. Elon's a car manufacturer, but he's not a car manufacturer. He's a car assembler.

[Hannah Jewell]

Elon Musk calling President Trump's top trade.

[Clorox Representative]

Advisor dumber than a sack of bricks.

[Drew Goins]

We done picking cotton? We are. You can't pay us enough to find a plantation. On Saturday, protesters took to the streets in city all across the country speaking.

[Joe Getty]

Out against the Trump administration's moves.

[Drew Goins]

The silent riot has begun. Oh, my God. Don't touch me. I'm circling.

[Clorox Representative]

Easy elbows, Easy elbows.

[I]

I'm telling you, these countries are calling us up. Kissing my ass.

[Drew Goins]

There's no postponing. They are definitely gonna stay in place.

[I]

But now it's our turn to do the ripping.

[Drew Goins]

The S&P 500 losing more than $5 trillion in value in just two days. Whose throat do I get to choke if this proves to be wrong?

[I]

I know what the hell I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. And you know what I'm doing too.

[Drew Goins]

The President announces He's putting a 90 day pause on most of his tariffs. It's the bond market. Those markets were imploding last night.

[I]

Well, I thought that people were jumping a little bit out of line. They were getting. Yippee. You know, the bond market right now is beautiful.

[Drew Goins]

Many of you in the media clearly.

[Molly Roberts]

Missed the art of the deal.

[Drew Goins]

This was his strategy all along. Spacing off and daydreaming is incredibly important, as is sleep. Hope you are well. Or all. No on Armstrong and Getty.

[Molly Roberts]

Oh, wow.

[Drew Goins]

We had to, we had to relive that moment. Joe called that. Do you have the short version of that handy? The Joe called that the worst moment in 30 years of working together. Hope you are well oral. No.

[Joe Getty]

Sounds like you were trying to say narwhal.

[Drew Goins]

Something happened with my mouth. I don't remember what I was trying to say.

[Joe Getty]

You're trying to say the word alternatives.

[Drew Goins]

Yeah, but for whatever reason, man, my tongue, like, swollen to twice its normal size immediately. Like I got stung by a bee or something. Or all. No.

[Joe Getty]

You know, the. We're. We're here laughing at you. And then the amount of concern that came in on like Facebook and Twitter, like, is Jack, Is Jack okay? You know, you know, the signs of like a, you know, medical emergency. I'm like, right. I think he's fine.

[Drew Goins]

Right. Remember years ago, that woman that started talking really funny like that she was having a stroke on camera. And I, I was not. But it is a little disturbing. I mean, when you, when you talk for a living, for whatever reason, if you're born with a brain, that, that doesn't happen very often. It's disturbing if it happens because, you know, some people can't do that. Like if you're a, if you're a. You know, if I was a Politician running for. If you're in a debate, presidential debate. And you do what I did right there. Play that again. Hope you are well or all not. I mean, can you.

[Joe Getty]

I believe we saw that happen with Joe Biden.

[Drew Goins]

Right. But I mean, that would get put to music and they'd be talking about it on Jimmy Kimmel. Hope you are well or. Oh no. Oh no. It almost hurts for me to hear it because I can like feel my mouth. It just.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, tied in a knot.

[Drew Goins]

That was rough.

[Joe Getty]

What was funny was Michael following you into the newsroom asking if you wanted him to drive you home.

[Drew Goins]

I was just concerned. Oh, wow. Yeah, I heard about that yesterday from a few people. No, I'm, I'm okay, I think. And although I've never done that before, I. If it happens again today, I'll probably have to go see a doctor of some sort. I hate to get into this on a Friday, but I want to bring this up just so you have your eyeballs out for it. And you can text, email or I was about to say call. We haven't taken a call in years. Text or email next week if you come across this. So the Wall Street Journal pointing out this is their editorial board. What investors know is that the trade war China announced overnight, they're upping their tariffs on American goods coming into 125% now. So you know you're not paying that. But if that causes all kinds of buyers in China to think, well, I'm not going to buy the American good anymore, I'll buy the same version from somewhere else, then our companies are selling a lot stuff so that less stuff. So that'll have an effect also. Anyway, let me just read this. I keep interrupting myself. What investors know is that the trade war is far from over and damage persists even with the 90 day pause. The tariffs that continue are the largest tax increase in the United States since 1982. They're bigger than Bill Clinton's 93 tax increase and George H.W. bush's 1990 tax increase. Taxes are anti growth. The Wall Street Journal saying what a lot of people say is that tariffs are taxes in effect because when you say there is a tariff of X percent on things coming from a country, the the company involved that has to pay this tariff passes it along to the consumer because you have no choice because you're already operating as leanly as you you possibly can if you've got any competition. So a good chunk of it is going to be paid by us. So the reason I wanted to throw that out there is, you know, when, when will you, I start seeing these things showing up in products that we buy. Like you go to Amazon and pick something out and say, whoa, I don't remember that costing that much. Remember what inflation was like every time you went to the grocery store or McDonald's or whatever, and you go, whoa, that's how much is that gonna start happening again here in the next couple of weeks with everything from China every time you go to Walmart or whatever? I, I, I hope not. And if it does, what is that gonna do to are people willing to hang with it? Maybe we have the clip. I don't know if I can find it quickly. It's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Is him Hanson. What did he call the whole thing? It wasn't growing pains, but it was a, There's a term sort of like that that we're going to have to go through over the next couple of weeks. I'll find it. Trump explains. But he had a term for what, what we're gonna, what, what we're gonna, what this is what this period is going to be like.

[I]

So we think we're in very good shape. We think we're doing very well. Again, there'll be a transition cost. Yes, transition cost and transition problems. But in the end it's going to be, it's going to be a beautiful thing. We're doing again what we should have done many years ago. We let it get out of control and we allowed some countries to get very big and very rich at our expense. And we're not going to can't let that happen. It's not a sustainable formula.

[Drew Goins]

Transition costs, that's what he's calling the extra, what we'll all be paying for a while. With the theory being, his theory being that China is going to come around, they're going to stop screwing with us the way they have, and then everything will go back to the way it was and we'll have won the battle. The Wall Street Journal editorial board, getting back to that quickly, says by far the biggest problem in the global trading system is the abuse of free trade rules by the authoritarian regime in China. Mr. Trump's scattershot tariff policy won't solve that problem. So far, he's hurting his own cause and country more than he's hurting Chinese Communist Party. Well, I hope they're wrong and Trump is right. Since this is the world that we live in, we'll all go through this together and we'll see if this transition phase gets us to a better place. And we all think it was worth it or not. And I think it will be pretty obvious to everyone which of those outcomes we get here. And I don't know if this will take week, month, weeks, months, or years. It's not gonna take years, probably more like weeks or months. Anyway. Corporate training seems to be a thing for a lot of y'all. Some of these examples are hilarious. They're all more or less stupid and a waste of time. So we'll get to some of that coming up. And some great guests an hour too. Hope you can stick around today.

[Amica Insurance Representative]

Armstrong and Getty At Amica Insurance, we know it's more than just a car or a house.

[Clorox Representative]

It's the four wheels that get you.

[Amica Insurance Representative]

Where you're going and the four walls that welcome you home. When you combine auto and home insurance with Amica, we'll help protect it all. And the more you cover, the more you can save. Ameca Empathy is our best policy.

[Molly Roberts]

There'S an efficient way to get caught up on a lot of news. It's called the seven from the Washington Post. It's a newsletter and podcast. Whether you're reading or hit play, you get seven stories you need to know and you can consume it all in just a few minutes. The 7 is out every weekday morning by 7:00am Eastern. I'm Hannah Jewell, I'm one of the writers and I host the show Find the seven Podcast wherever you're listening. The newsletter link is waiting for you in the show notes.

[Clorox Representative]

Deciding on what to listen to is hard. Using Xumo to stream music from iheart 90s radio is easy or play Iheart country or hip hop beats your choice. All for free. Stream Easy with Zumo Play get and on demand entertainment with no logins, no signups, no accounts, no hassle. This April binge these classics the Whole Nine Yards starring Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry adaptation with Nicolas Cage and Meryl Streep and the Fisher King with Robin Williams. All streaming free on Xumo play go to play.zumo.com now. Life is hard. Zumo is easy.

[Jack Armstrong]

Have you ever wiped with a piece of dry single ply toilet paper and wondered, is this as good as it gets? Well, it's not. It gets a lot better. Thanks to the wet extra large cleaning power of Dude Wipes, they comfortably clean up whatever TP leaves behind on your behind. It's time to stop being an A hole to your B hole and start experiencing the confident clean of Dude Wipes. Available at Amazon and at major retailers nationwide. Dude Wipes Best Clean Pants down Asking the right questions can greatly impact your.

[Drew Goins]

Future, especially when it comes to your finances. So if you're looking for a financial advisor you can trust, certified financial planner professionals are committed to acting in your best interest.

[Jack Armstrong]

That's why it's gotta be a CFP.

[Drew Goins]

Find your CFP [e-mail] well, listen this. Trump just signed an executive order to.

[I]

Make America's showers great again with more.

[Drew Goins]

Powerful shower heads that no longer restrict water flow. Yeah, the good news is more powerful showerheads are on the way. Bad news, they're all made in China. So, I mean, that's just how we can't win. I don't mind the joke, but I don't understand why people mock Trump for wanting to do away with that. The federal government shouldn't be involved in how much water pressure you have in your shower head. That's insane. Why do you think that's funny that he wants to get rid of those restrictions? He should.

[Joe Getty]

That's nuts. They mock it because it is Trump. That's the only reason. If this was Biden, they'd be going.

[Drew Goins]

Oh, yeah, there's plenty of people think the federal government should be involved in every aspect of your life all the time, because they know better. But that's. That's so crazy. Anyway, I don't want to get hung up on that. I started the hour by talking about the corporate training I had to do yesterday. Once again reiterating, I love my company. I. And I realize this is something you have to do. All kinds of speaking of federal laws and ridiculousness that they make companies do, every company does it, so I was just throwing it out there. To those of you who also have to do corporate training, that is a complete waste of time and productivity, and everyone knows it at every level. That's why it makes me insane. That goes on. The employee knows it, your boss knows it, your boss's boss knows it, yet we all do. It makes me crazy. Anyway, we got a bunch of texts. I work in radiology in a hospital. I have to take a basic radiation safety thing every year just in case I forgot everything I was taught in college and use every single day. The module is the equivalent of telling an orthopedic surgeon that humans have bones. Grocery store employees have it. The worst. Redundant, long, silly training programs that last at least an hour. Every industry thinks theirs are the worst. I'm sure yours are bad, just like ours are. They're a complete waste of time and money, and everybody knows it, and yet we keep doing them. Um, A few days ago, our school district made us spend 30 minutes in a faculty meeting watching a video about the dangers of on the job. Indoor heat exposure for teachers. I learned that when you're hot and thirsty, you should drink some water. Yeah, but again, it's to get the lawyers off your back because if you got woozy from being thirsty and fell and hit your head, you could go in front of a jury full of idiots and make the claim that I didn't know I was supposed to drink. The school never told me. And the school has to pay you, you know, $5 million. And so they have these kinds of trainings. That's what drives it all. We've got to find our way out of this. I'm a technician in a small shop for a large corporation. I love this one. My manager actually takes all the mandatory training for all of us so that we don't lose actual production time. So the manager probably sits at a computer and just, just keeps plucking, clicking, play, play, play, play, play. On everybody's training so it will show up as having taken because he understands what a complete waste of time it is.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, but at the end of the day you're still losing productivity because he's sitting there doing that.

[Drew Goins]

True. I don't like this one. I hope this doesn't come to us soon. I work for the city of San Francisco. The mandatory videos we get now after each segment ask you questions that if you missed just one, you have to start the segment over. Because in our, on our all. I did it again on all our tests. Like if you get 50%, you pass.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah.

[Drew Goins]

So I mean, I just guess I don't listen to any of it. I don't read it. I've never listened to or read any of the training I guess on all the multiple choice questions and I've always passed.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah.

[Drew Goins]

I work for a large municipal water district. Yes, the corporate trainings can be extremely ridiculous, but really gets me is at my company they always start off with the reminder to the group that words can be weapons and the interest of equity. Be mindful of using patriarchal terms, gender neutral, etc. Etc. The speech is always used even when the subject matter isn't controversial in any way. It's mind numbingly idiotic and usually causes eye rolls and laughter among the attendees. A large municipal water district and they start their training with remember not to use patriarchal terms. What? What the hell? I'm in low level data entry that never travels. But I had to know how to not mess with experience. Reports or bribe people overseas. That's hilarious. I like this one. My corporate training. I work for a Japanese manufacturer. I'm in the heating and air conditioning division. But I have to take all the training about not selling weapons to terrorists in foreign countries. It's hilarious.

[Joe Getty]

I can see how that could get, you know, mixed in there.

[Drew Goins]

Yeah, because that's what I was talking about earlier and how we have to be trained every year to not go down to the dock as they unload cargo ships from other countries and pay off dark dock workers or something. And then you have to check. I understand. Not to bribe dock workers, I promise. How does this happen in every industry in the country? God, that's funny. How much time I got, Michael? Depends on how you keep eating. Yeah, good point. You got two and a half. Do I, do I want to get to this story or not? I'm afraid it's going to sidetrack me. I just came across this and I find it astounding. This is from the New York Times. You'd think it was the New York Post or some sort of rag that says stuff like. This is from the New York Times. The person who died and boarded an R train subway at around 8pm According to law enforcement officials with knowledge of the matter, it was unclear on Thursday when or how the person died. So somebody got on the subway 8 in the evening and died. A man entered the same train car around 11 at the White Howell South Ferry station. According to the official, within 45 minutes, the man saw the dead man and began to rummage through his pockets. Okay, so you go over to a guy that appears to be passed out or dead and you start rummaging through his pockets. That's one thing. The man then began to have sex with the body, according to officials and documents. Okay. The episode occurred as New York City subways have become a subject of national debate, with the Trump administration's transportation secretary pointing them out as examples of poor governance. They have been on the site of several high profile random attacks that have shocked the city. But crime dropped to record lows in the first three months of the year, they say. But anyway, as Byron York of the Washington examiner points out, sounds like the New York Times is against subway necrophilia. Well, that's good to know. How in the world are there enough people willing to have sex with a corpse? Not only that, you gotta be in the mood immediately and willing to do it in public. That if you, if you come across a dead body, first thing, here's my chance. I've been waiting. I've been waiting for this my whole life.

[Joe Getty]

Found one, right?

[Drew Goins]

How crazy is that? That is. Is that what percentage of people that get on subways want to have sex with a dead body? That's what I would like to know. 23%.

[Joe Getty]

Thank you, Michael.

[Drew Goins]

Oh my, what a horrible story. There are more details of that I'll have to get to later. We got some great guests an hour too that I look forward to talking to about a bunch of important stuff and they know more about it than I do. If you miss a segment of this show ever or an hour, you can get the podcast. Subscribe to Armstrong and Getty on Demand.

[Clorox Representative]

Armstrong and Getty.

[Molly Roberts]

For some of us, personal finances aren't just personal. They include a lot more people than ourselves, loved ones, neighbors, the communities we call home, and the causes we hold in our hearts. At Thrivent, we help plan your financial picture with the bigger picture in mind. Because even though our business is helping guide your finances, our ambition is to make it mean so much more. Thrivent, where money means more Connect with.

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[Molly Roberts]

There's an efficient way to get caught up on a lot of news. It's called the seven from the Washington Post. It's a newsletter and podcast. Whether you're reading or hit play, you get seven stories you need to know and you can consume it all in just a few minutes. The 7 is out every weekday morning by 7:00am Eastern. I'm Hannah Jewell. I'm one of the writers and I host the show. Find the seven podcast wherever you're listening. The newsletter link is waiting for you in the show notes.

[Clorox Representative]

Deciding on what to listen to is hard. Using Xumo to stream music from iHeart 90s radio is easy. Or play I heart country or hip hop beats, your choice. All for free. Stream Easy with Zoomo Play. Get live and on demand entertainment with no logins, no signups, no accounts, no hassle. This April binge these classics the Whole Nine Yards starring Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry adaptation with Nicolas Cage and Meryl Streep and the Fisher King with Robin Williams. All streaming free on Xumo play go to play.zumo.com now. Life is hard. Zumo is easy.

[Jack Armstrong]

Have you ever wiped with a piece of dry single ply toilet paper and wondered, is this as good as it gets? Well, it's not. It gets a lot better. Thanks to the wet extra large cleaning power of Dude Wipes, they comfortably clean up whatever TP leaves behind on your behind. It's time to stop being an A hole to your B hole and start experiencing the confident clean of Dude Wipes. Available at Amazon and at major retailers nationwide. Dude Wipes Best Clean Pants Down.