Armstrong & Getty On Demand – Episode: "I Can't Bribe A Dock Worker?!" (April 11, 2025)

Hosts: Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty
Produced by: iHeartPodcasts

Overview

In the episode titled "I Can't Bribe A Dock Worker?!," hosts Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty tackle a myriad of topics, blending sharp political commentary with relatable workplace frustrations. From dissecting the inefficiencies of corporate training programs to analyzing the escalating trade war between the U.S. and China, Armstrong and Getty deliver their signature blend of humor and insight. This episode also features discussions on recent news events, personal anecdotes, and interactions that underscore the absurdities of modern corporate culture and geopolitical tensions.

1. The Frustration with Corporate Training

A significant portion of the episode centers around the hosts' exasperation with mandatory corporate training programs. Drew Goins initiates the conversation by lamenting the time-consuming and often redundant nature of these trainings.

• Drew Goins [07:00]:
  "It's just a way to get straight with the lawyers so that if somebody does sexually harass somebody or steal office equipment or whatever, you can't come back and say, well, I didn't know."

• Joe Getty [08:30]:
  "I don't understand the tactic of turning PowerPoints with words that I can read into a video that I have to sit through."

The hosts argue that these trainings are more about legal protection for corporations than genuine employee education. They share personal experiences, highlighting how mandatory sessions often cover the basics to the point of redundancy, wasting both time and resources.

• Drew Goins [09:28]:
  "It has to be legal. I know it is, but even so. It's a joke. It's just it makes me angry on that level. It's not the time it takes."

Their critique extends to the method of delivery—repetitive modules that deter actual engagement and learning, ultimately fostering a sense of collective annoyance among employees.

2. The U.S.-China Trade War and Tariffs

Armstrong and Getty delve into the complexities of the ongoing trade war between the United States and China, discussing the strategic imposition of tariffs and its broader economic implications.

• Drew Goins [06:00]:
  "Trump announced yesterday. No made him. People are reporting this wrong. Our tariffs on China are not 125%. They're 145% or 48% or whatever it is but it's much higher. It's a lot. Very, very high."

The hosts express skepticism about the efficacy of the U.S.'s high tariffs, citing an editorial from the Wall Street Journal that criticizes the approach:

• Drew Goins [34:19]:
  "His theory being that China is going to come around, they're going to stop screwing with us the way they have, and then everything will go back to the way it was and we'll have won the battle."

• Wall Street Journal Editorial Board [36:08]:
  "The tariffs that continue are the largest tax increase in the United States since 1982. They're bigger than Bill Clinton's 93 tax increase and George H.W. Bush's 1990 tax increase. Taxes are anti-growth."

Armstrong and Getty highlight the potential ripple effects of these tariffs on consumers, questioning how increasing costs on imported goods might impact everyday purchases and overall economic health.

• Drew Goins [38:12]:
  "When you go to Amazon and pick something out and say, whoa, I don't remember that costing that much. Remember what inflation was like every time you went to the grocery store or McDonald's or whatever, and you go, whoa, that's how much is that gonna start happening again here in the next couple of weeks with everything from China every time you go to Walmart or whatever?"

3. Satirical Takes on Current News Events

The episode features Armstrong and Getty's trademark satire as they dissect and mock various recent news stories, highlighting the absurdities and contradictions within media reporting and public reactions.

• Helicopter Crash in New York City:
  They discuss a tragic incident involving a helicopter crash that claimed six lives, including a tech CEO. The hosts express sympathy while critiquing the media's focus on sensationalized stories.

  • Drew Goins [17:30]:
    "The video was awful. The picture, I mean, I've taken pictures like that with my brothers and my parents when we were kids and with my family. The family picture they take for you right before you get on the helicopter trip. And then a few minutes later, they were dead. What a horrible, horrible deal."

• 2028 LA Olympics' Mixed-Gender Categories:
  Armstrong and Getty mock the addition of mixed-gender events, questioning the practicality and competitiveness of such categories.

  • Joe Getty [19:34]:
    "They're going to have a mixed gender version with the same participants or different participants."

  • Drew Goins [20:11]:
    "They're going to have a mixed gender version with the same participants or different participants. Aren't the dudes just going to dominate?"

• Kamala Harris's Potential Governor Run:
  They humorously speculate on Kamala Harris consulting with Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden about a possible gubernatorial bid, poking fun at intra-party dynamics.

  • Drew Goins [20:52]:
    "Why would you meet with Joe Biden about anything? I would think she would know better. I mean, I can understand her meeting with Hillary and other people, but as she tries to decide whether she wants to run for governor in California..."

• Subway Necrophilia Incident:
  A bizarre and unsettling report from the New York Times about an incident of necrophilia on the subway becomes a focal point for the hosts' dark humor.

  • Drew Goins [45:16]:
    "How in the world are there enough people willing to have sex with a corpse? Not only that, you gotta be in the mood immediately and willing to do it in public."

4. Personal Anecdotes and Humorous Interactions

Interspersed throughout the episode are personal stories and lighthearted exchanges that humanize the hosts and provide comic relief.

• Travel Mug Troubles:
  Drew shares his ongoing battle with finding a functional travel mug, leading to a humorous exchange about faulty designs.

  • Drew Goins [06:00]:
    "I spilled coffee all over myself driving to work today, and I've yet to find a travel mug sort of thing that I can drink out of successfully."

  • Joe Getty [25:03]:
    "Not more expensive than your Starbucks cup. 30 bucks."

• Potential Medical Emergency on Air:
  An unexpected moment where Drew experiences a swollen tongue during the broadcast leads to a blend of concern and comedy.

  • Drew Goins [29:54]:
    "Yeah, but for whatever reason, man, my tongue, like, swollen to twice its normal size immediately. Like I got stung by a bee or something."

  • Joe Getty [31:10]:
    "What was funny was Michael following you into the newsroom asking if you wanted him to drive you home."

5. Closing Remarks and Teasers for Upcoming Segments

As the episode draws to a close, Armstrong and Getty preview upcoming segments, including interviews with guests like Mike Lyons and additional discussions on the trade war's impact. They also hint at "Clips of the Week," promising listeners a retrospective look at notable moments from the week.

• Drew Goins [43:10]:
  "A large municipal water district and they start their training with remember not to use patriarchal terms. What? What the hell? I'm in low level data entry that never travels. But I had to know how to not mess with experience."

• Armstrong [45:57]:
  "How crazy is that? That is. Is that what percentage of people that get on subways want to have sex with a dead body? That's what I would like to know. 23%."

They encourage audience engagement, inviting listeners to share their own corporate training nightmares and promising a wealth of further discussion and analysis in future episodes.

Notable Quotes

• Drew Goins [07:00]:
  "It's just a way to get straight with the lawyers so that if somebody does sexually harass somebody or steal office equipment or whatever, you can't come back and say, well, I didn't know."

• Joe Getty [08:30]:
  "I don't understand the tactic of turning PowerPoints with words that I can read into a video that I have to sit through."

• Drew Goins [34:19]:
  "Transition costs, that's what he's calling the extra, what we'll all be paying for a while."

• Drew Goins [45:22]:
  "How crazy is that? That is. Is that what percentage of people that get on subways want to have sex with a dead body? That's what I would like to know. 23%."

Conclusion

In "I Can't Bribe A Dock Worker?!," Armstrong and Getty adeptly navigate through a series of topics that resonate with both workplace and broader societal issues. Their candid discussions on the inefficiencies of corporate training and the ramifications of international trade policies offer listeners a blend of entertainment and critical insight. Coupled with their humorous interactions and sharp political commentary, this episode stands as a compelling addition to the "Armstrong & Getty On Demand" series, providing valuable perspectives amidst the chaos of modern-day challenges.

Note: This summary intentionally omits commercial advertisements, introductions, and unrelated non-content sections to focus solely on the substantive discussions and interactions between the hosts.