B (5:52)
C Studio for details Yesterday, back in August was the 19 year anniversary of me stopping drinking. I'm an alcoholic. Yesterday was the 20th anniversary. As you know. Now every day it goes by it's the 20th of January as we record this 8th that I've been sober even though it happened about 20 years old. I know. No kidding what happened. But so Yesterday was the 20 year anniversary of me losing my desire to drink alcohol completely. And I'll explain how it happened that day and I don't understand. Makes no sense to me. If I heard somebody else talk about it, I would think they were a crackpot. I if you know me, I'm not the kind of person that believes this sort of crap, but this is what happened to me. So here you go. I think I've told this story before, but I'll tell again. So I was exactly five months sober, Gladys, 20 years ago. I was exactly five months sober, just coincidentally when I headed out on a vacation. Now I happen to be going to Russia on vacations, but don't get distracted by that. That's really got nothing to do with the story. But that's where I was going. And I was a little worried because if you're a drinker, vacationing and drinking like really fit together hand in glove. Yeah, I mean an airport is just a giant bar with planes really. Always had been for me and I was a little concerned about that. But I was feeling so solid after five months. I wasn't really worried about it or whatever for whatever reason. And luckily there's like no alcohol in Russia. Drinking's not a thing there. I'd had a few I'd really like to drink during the previous five months, but it hadn't really been bad. And so anyway, I won't go on vacation and I get on the plane at sfo the second the wheels come up off the tarmac, I get hit with that desire to drink. That if you're a drunk, you know, is just like Overwhelming. It's like you want air, like you want food, like you want everything. And I thought, oh, crap, this is not good. I mean, I was just hit with this because it's an international flight. Got booze, you know, I have the whole thing. It's gonna be on the plane for many, many, many hours, whatever. But. So I didn't drink, but I really, really wanted to, and I was kind of concerned about it. So I get to my vacation destination, the only thing I can think about is drinking. I mean, it's just. It's the only thing I can think about. See, how do I get to my hotel? And I'm sure would like a drink, and how do I get a cab? Sure would like to drink right now. We're gonna have to have lunch here soon. Maybe I can get a cup of coffee. Man, would I like. I mean, it was the only thing on my mind. I get to my hotel, I go to a. I'm going to go to a museum. I go to a little lunch spot. I order a beer because I want to drink. I'm going to drink. I've decided I'm going to drink. I order a beer, comes to lunch. I sit there, ate the sandwich because I really also don't want to drink because I'm. I know I'm an alcoholic and I got to quit. The beer is sitting there. I'm watching the bubbles go up to the top of the glass while I eat my sandwich, wanting to drink with every fiber of my body. But I get up and I leave that. And I leave that beer behind. So, okay, I'm kind of okay now. I got past that. All right, everything's fine. And then I do a little walking around, a little sightseeing, and then, okay, I really, really, really want to effing drink. I mean, I freaking want to drink. I walk into a grocery store, I walk back to the aisle, I get a bottle of vodka. I go up to the. Get in line at the grocery store. I'm holding my bottle of vodka, and I think, you know, this is gonna be freaking awesome. I'm gonna walk around Moscow or St. Petersburg with a bottle of vodka, sipping at my bottle of vodka, enjoying the sights. This is gonna wait to drink. And I'm standing in line, but the line is moving so slow. I don't know what the problem is. Hurry up. What is the problem? And I finally, I sit down the vodka, and I walk out. There's got to be an easier way. But on the walking out, I. It kind of goes away. And I Think, oh friggin, thank God I didn't buy the bottle of vodka. Back onto my tourism or whatever. Back comes the urge to drink. Very, very strong. I walk into a bar. Here's where. Here's the first. Really weird. I don't believe in this sort of shit thing that happened to me. I walk into a bar and I'm looking at myself from above like a cool artsy camera shot looking down on myself walking into the bar. I walk up to the bar, to the bartender and order a beer. And I'm watching it from above. I don't know what that means, my brain broke or something. Something weird's going on, but that's what happened to me. Well, you know, this is dime store amateur analysis, obviously, and I would laugh it off, but you're of two minds, clearly. Yeah. And the one he is walking up to the bar and the other one's looking at the guy walking up to the bar. Yeah, I mean that's something. Yeah. Abc, one, two, three. Yeah, it's crazy. Like the devil and angel on shoulder. Yeah, it's exactly like that. Yeah. And so I watch myself walk up to the bar. Now I'm back in my body. I'm at the bar, I ordered the. The beer. And while the guy. I'm the only person in the place, which is my favorite kind of drinking in a bar, by the way, only person there. And the guy is. Got his back to me and he's pulling the handle, filling the beer up. And while he's doing that, I think I got to get out of here. And I turn around and I just leave. And he probably curses me under his breath and in Russian after I leave. So kind of go back and forth with the desires to drink again throughout the day. It's colder than Van Hell. It's snowing like crazy. And it's. It's winter out time. And I'm outside and I'm pacing in front of Tolstoy's house and I really wasn't home. He wasn't home. I thought he could help me, which is at the war of the Peace, Kelpie. And I'm pacing back and forth, wanting to go in there and do the tourist thing, but I just. So I call somebody, a fellow person who has quit drinking. And he said, you got to get to. You got to get around some other alcoholics and talk to them somehow. You got to find a way. And we had conveniently actually looked up some places to talk to other alcoholics before I left, but I had conveniently forgotten that or put it out of my mind. But when he reminded me of that, I thought, oh, yeah, right. So I decided to find this church. It's now dark. I don't know my way around Russia. I don't speak the language. I've talked about that before. Traveling there was just nightmarish because I just. I couldn't figure anything out. But I got a different Alphabet, so you can't even, like, think. Oh, that's the same root word as there was nothing. So it was really awesome. But I had a map and I figured out how to get clear across town. Trudging over there in the snow, in the dark, so cold. I finally find this church where I'm going to meet some other alcoholics so I can, you know, hopefully make it through the day. And it's dark and locked up, and I can't figure out what's going on. And I'm thinking the schedule's wrong or something. And I'm walking around this church, and I walk around it several times. It's got these iron fence around it with gates. And I walk around, I walk around, I walk around, I. And I. And there's a bar over there. And I finally decide, okay, this is a sign from God. If I, if, if. If this church isn't available to me, then I'm supposed to drink. And I'm going over that bar and we are going to get it. On my last trip around the church, there's a big, giant Russian guy standing there. And he looks at me in the dark, in the snow and says, alcoholic? And I said, yeah. And he points toward the church. And I walk into the church, and I hadn't heard a word of English. Now, in several days, some guy from Boston who I get to know sticks his head out and he said, hey, you looking for an alcoholic? And at that moment, I know, I know, God, I know. And at that moment, I heard a popping sound in my head. A feeling of calm came over me. And I haven't had the slightest desire to drink ever since. And that is my story. Wow. And I have no idea what that means, why it happened. How you would get it to happen to other someone else who's a drug addict or an alcoholic or whatever, I have no idea. All I know is that is exactly what happened to me that day. This is just my opinion, but I think you were healed. Yeah. Yeah, could be. It's one of the biggest cliches on the planet, but that is like the ultimate example of everything happens for a reason. Like multiple times in A row. I like that one, Michael. That I was healed. Yeah. Religious intervention there in that church in St. Petersburg. The hand of God. I don't know. And people trying to do God's worth work on earth. Yeah. You know, as well. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's. That's. I got chills. That's amazing. It gives me chills every time I tell it. And I lived it. Right. And it's been 20 years since I've had the slightest desire to drink. When it had dominated my life for the previous 22. There wasn't a moment I either didn't want to drink or I wasn't trying to get over the last hangover for 22 years. And then. And then it's just completely gone. Right. And I know we have a friend in common who's one of my best friends and collaborators in creative projects who had, you know, a different road, but he's like, oh, no. I never think about it. I have no desire to. Why would I ever want to do that after, you know, being in a bit of a dicey situation for quite some time, you know, that's what's. What you pray for people who are. Who are bothered, tortured by, you know, addiction. I wish I had more knowledge from that that could be of any help to, you know, all this stuff about all the people on the street and you need to get them into rehab and blah, blah, blah. I know so many people have failed everything like that. I don't even know why I don't drink anymore, so I could help anybody else. Right. The fact that I heard a weird popping sound, and when I think about it, I can feel the feeling of just like it leaving my body from toe to head is weird. Wow. Boy, I almost want to throw out like, five different explanations from the entirely physical to the entirely metaphysical, and we could go from there, but I think everybody's got their own list in their head. The fact that you saw yourself from above. I know, and I don't believe in that sort of crap at all. At all. I mean, that's just. Yeah, but I think we've all had experiences where we think, look at me. Look what I'm doing. What am I think? And yours just was translated into the visual cortex of your brain or something. I. I don't know. I think there's something to do with the intensity of it. I think it got. It was so intense. I actually believe I. I left this part out of the story because I actually. I believed it then and I believe it now. If I drank that day that was the end. I was gonna die. I just. I know how I am. I was in a dangerous city in a dangerous country. I know what I look for in the world and trouble and hanging around bad people in bad places. I just feel like I'm gonna die. I'm either gonna live or I'm gonna die. So it wasn't just I drink or don't drink. It was like, are we gonna live or are we gonna die? That's what I was thinking in my head. There's a hell of a good chance you're right. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna end up in a prison or whatever. Right, right. Or just having the snot beat out of you. That would be, like, the best case scenario. And penniless and. No, that had actually happened to the Boston guy that. Oh, really? Said, hey, you looking for me? Yeah. He got his leg broken by some guys in the middle of the night when he was running around. Yeah. Because it's not like you were in the mood for just a quick beer just to sell the nerves. No, no, no. I never. You were ready to walk around with a bottle of vodka. Well, that's. That was my style. Yes. Right. Okay. Yeah. Wow. Permission end on a humorous note. Sure, Mr. Chairman. So when you're walking around the church and you said to yourself, look, there's a bar. It's a message from God. God was thinking, look, some guy bought a building across from the church and decided to open the bar. That's how real estate works, you idiot. That's not a sign of anything. It's really a zoning thing. More of a. It's more an economic opportunity than a sign from me. But whatever. You believe what you want to believe. Who'd have known? God, a great real estate agent. Well, I guess that's it.
