I Promise, I Haven't Taken Up Heroin!

Summary

Armstrong & Getty On Demand — "I Promise, I Haven't Taken Up Heroin!"

Date: March 9, 2026
Hosts: Armstrong, Getty, Katie Green

Episode Overview

In this candid and lightly comedic episode, the Armstrong & Getty crew gathers for their "One More Thing" segment, riffing on aging, the perils of adult clumsiness, and Katie Green's recent ordeal with a gestational diabetes test. From scooter crashes to anxiety over blood draws, the hosts bond over the sometimes-absurd realities of getting older and navigating medical procedures, all while keeping a tongue-in-cheek tone.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Physical Effects of Aging: Scooter Mishaps & Brain "Juice"

[00:41 – 03:18]

• Armstrong recounts a recent accident while riding his son's non-electric Razor scooter:
  • He crashes on an uneven bike trail, flipping over the handlebars and injuring his knee and—more worryingly—his head.
  • The incident leaves him rattled with an instant, persistent headache, prompting some reflection on how aging changes one's ability to "bounce back".
• Discussion about the concept of "brain juice":
  • Armstrong wonders if adults lose some kind of "cushion" or "juice" that protects the brain compared to when they were young.
  • Getty recalls falling ice-skating and noticing "the immediate sensation was...that was different" – implying aging brings greater vulnerability (02:25).
  • Both agree falls feel much more severe with age, making them question how elderly people cope.

Notable Quotes:

• "Does the amount of juice around your brain go away?" — Armstrong [01:46]
• "My brain wasn’t nearly as juicy as it used to be." — Getty [02:47]

2. Medical Anxiety: Katie's Gestational Diabetes Test Adventure

[03:38 – 07:41]

• Katie Green details her recent absence from work due to a required three-hour gestational diabetes test:

  • She failed the initial one-hour screening "failed the shit out of it" (her words, and the doctor’s, she jokes) [04:03].
  • Describes the fasting, receiving a "really thick, flat Sprite" glucose drink, and undergoing four separate blood draws from the same arm over three hours.

• The hosts sympathize over discomfort with needles:

  • Armstrong and Getty both share their instinctive medical anxieties; Armstrong mentions even during cancer treatment he was never jabbed four times in one day.
  • Katie praises the phlebotomists for their skill, despite the ordeal.

• Katie ultimately passes the longer test with "all fours," sparking a reflection on medical protocol and her friend group's experience with the process.

• The hosts riff on the strange settings and procedures of some medical offices, joking about "back gate" entries and "air-quote doctors."

Notable Moments & Quotes:

• "Nope. There was a...four jabbins. Oh, no." — Katie Green [05:41]
• "Even in all my cancer treatment, I never got jabbed four times in one day." — Armstrong [06:03]
• "I thought that having to go in, like, a back gate was a weird setup..." — Katie Green [07:56]

3. Gallows Humor and Life Perspectives

[08:11 – 08:42]

• Katie relates a story from the waiting room:
  • An elderly man responds to a nurse’s cheerful greeting: "Well, it's better to be seen than viewed," quipping on preferring to be alive and noticed rather than dead and observed at a funeral.
• The hosts enjoy the wit and dark humor, seeing it as a badge of endurance in old age.

Notable Quotes:

• "Well, it's better to be seen than viewed." — Elderly patient, relayed by Katie Green [08:36]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|---------| | 00:41 | Armstrong’s scooter crash and the tribulations of adult falls | | 01:46 | Discussion: "Does the amount of juice around your brain go away?" | | 02:25 | Getty's reflection on falling while ice skating | | 03:38 | Katie introduces her gestational diabetes test story | | 04:03 | "I just failed the shit out of it.” — Katie Green | | 05:41 | Katie recounts getting four blood draws: "Nope. There was a...four jabbins." | | 06:03 | Armstrong: “Even during all my cancer treatment, I never got jabbed four times in one day.” | | 07:56 | Jokes about sketchy medical office setups | | 08:36 | Katie tells the “better to be seen than viewed” anecdote |

---

Memorable Quotes

• "My brain wasn’t nearly as juicy as it used to be." — Getty [02:47]
• "I just failed the shit out of it." — Katie Green [04:03]
• "Nope. There was a...four jabbins." — Katie Green [05:41]
• "Even during all my cancer treatment, I never got jabbed four times in one day." — Armstrong [06:03]
• "Well, it’s better to be seen than viewed." — Elderly patient, as retold by Katie Green [08:36]

---

Summary & Tone

This episode delivers a playful, relatable take on the indignities of aging and the weirdness of medical routines. The hosts' honest, sometimes self-deprecating banter about bodily mishaps, fear of needles, and finding humor in uncomfortable places makes for a breezy listen with genuine moments of shared vulnerability. Whether it's falling off a scooter, dreading blood draws, or laughing at a wisecracking octogenarian, Armstrong, Getty, and Katie Green remind listeners to take life’s bumps and bruises in stride—and to keep a sense of humor handy no matter how old you get.

Transcript

[Armstrong]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

[Grainger Announcer]

If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need, all in one place, from H VAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock. So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-granger. Visit granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Katie Green]

I promise I haven't taken up heroin. It's one more thing.

[Armstrong]

Armstrong and Getty.

[Getty]

One more thing.

[Armstrong]

Before we get to whether or not pregnant Katie Green is doing heroin. I assume not. I wanted to just follow up on wrecking on my son's scooter yesterday. And it's not an electric scooter. It's a little push kind. Is there a name for that? I mean, just call him a scooter.

[Katie Green]

Call them razor scooters.

[Armstrong]

That's a brand. But yeah, he's got. He's got a fancy one that he does tricks with at the skateboard park and he's really good on everything like that. Anywho, I.

[Getty]

The skateboarders and the scooter people get a.

[Armstrong]

Get along 100%. Yeah.

[Getty]

Okay, good. It's a lesson for all of us, isn't it?

[Armstrong]

Yeah, the bike crowd. Not. Not always people. People are going down on the bowl and their bikes and coming out and doing flips, but. Or spins. Anywho, I was riding my son's scooter back. He took off with his friends. I was riding it back and I was on this really crappy bike trail that had a lot of grooves in it and my front wheel got stuck in a groove and I flipped over the bars and landed. My knee went down hard and I bloodied my knee and. But I was thinking about. Because it just rattled my brain. I mean, just jarred my brain. I had an instant headache for a very long time. What happens to you when your age? Because when you're a kid, Even when you're 25, you hit the ground like that. Nothing. It has no effect on you whatsoever. Does the amount of juice around your brain go away?

[Getty]

Juice. I don't believe that's the technical term.

[Katie Green]

Brain juice.

[Armstrong]

But you know, something. Something that protects your brain goes away with age. Because it just rocked my brain. It's just like, oh, my God, the pain of that. And I know because I used to wreck a lot doing things when I was younger. You felt nothing. Not in the brain, anyway. Maybe your elbow or your knee, but not your brain.

[Getty]

I talked about that years ago, the last time I fell, ice skating, because I used to love to ice skate, but I went skating and I was trying to do something fancy from back in my hockey days and tangled my skates up and. And ended up falling and, like, hitting my head on the ice. And the immediate sensation was. That was different.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Getty]

Because I've hit my head on the ice so many times. That's why I got this twitch. But, yeah, it was absolutely different. My brain wasn't nearly as juicy as it used to be.

[Armstrong]

There's got to be a cushion around your brain, that juice that. Like, there's less of it when you get older or something. I don't know. I was going to do a little research on that because something's going on there.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Armstrong]

Wow. And if that's what it feels like now, what's it feel like when you fall when you're 85? I can't imagine.

[Getty]

Oh, try not to. Try real hard not to.

[Armstrong]

I probably won't scooter as much then,

[Katie Green]

but I don't know.

[Armstrong]

I like doing that sort of stuff.

[Getty]

My wife was riding her bike. We were riding bikes together, and she did a turn and hit an uneven spot that kind of stopped her tire, and she went down and bruised her spleen, as I recall. It was. It was very close to a very, very serious injury. She was all right, but. Yeah. And that was at super low speed, but it's a crack in the pavement. Yikes.

[Armstrong]

Okay, Katie, what's the deal?

[Katie Green]

So I was out Friday for a somewhat urgent medical thing while your country's at war.

[Armstrong]

You did not show up to work. Go on.

[Katie Green]

I know, I know. I had to do the gestational diabetes test, which is. They have a one hour and a three hour. I took the one hour a couple of weeks ago and I just failed the shit out of it.

[Armstrong]

That's technical terms.

[Katie Green]

That was like. That was what the doctor wrote on my. My chart afterwards. So they had me do the three hour, which I had to fast for 12 hours. And then I go into the doctor, they draw my blood and they give me this drink that is just awful. It tasted like really thick, flat Sprite. Oh, yeah. And it has a hundred. I think it's like 100 milliliters of glucose in it or so.

[Armstrong]

It's just straight sugar.

[Katie Green]

And then what?

[Armstrong]

Flat, straight? The thick part bothers me more than it was.

[Katie Green]

It was syrupy. Oh, gosh.

[Getty]

Yucky.

[Katie Green]

So you Drink that. And then they take your blood three more times on the hour.

[Armstrong]

Grand afterwards.

[Katie Green]

And so I went in, and I am not good with getting my blood drawn. I like. I always let them know I have to be in one of the chairs that will let me.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, lean back. Or else I do, too, because there's a chance I'm going to go down. I haven't for many, many years, but there's a chance.

[Katie Green]

Which is weird because. I don't know. It's not the pain. No. It's something. No, it's not.

[Armstrong]

No.

[Getty]

It's deep, instinctive, and I don't want to talk about it.

[Katie Green]

Yeah, see, I knew I was going

[Armstrong]

to get you, but I always try to get myself through it by convince myself it's not the pain. What I did, wrecking my scooter hurt a million times more.

[Katie Green]

Oh, I'm sure.

[Armstrong]

Than getting my blood taken. And I don't worry about that, but.

[Katie Green]

So I was going into this thinking, okay, they're gonna do, like, an IV line, and then they'll just take the blood from that.

[Getty]

I'd assumed that was the case.

[Armstrong]

So there's one jabbing.

[Katie Green]

Nope. There was a. Four jabbins. Oh, no.

[Getty]

Nobody jabbins.

[Katie Green]

Same arm in the I. But you know what? Kudos to the phlebotomists. I had four different. One. Oh, no. Three different ones. They all nailed it the first time.

[Getty]

Oh, Lord, this is the worst podcast ever.

[Katie Green]

I know. Isn't it? Isn't it awful?

[Armstrong]

But four.

[Katie Green]

Four in the same arm.

[Armstrong]

Wow. Even during all. Wait, wait a minute. Leave the port in. No kidding. Even during all my cancer treatment, I never got jabbed four times in one day. Yeah, I think they like jabbing you.

[Getty]

You might want to tell the truth.

[Armstrong]

Or it was Cheney.

[Getty]

Cheney's medical center.

[Katie Green]

Possibly.

[Armstrong]

Yeah. I think after the third one, I'd said, you jab me again, I'm turning it on you back.

[Getty]

Yeah, exactly.

[Katie Green]

So they do the first one. That was what? It was like. It was like the first one. Baseline. Wait an hour, they do it again, rinse and repeat three more times.

[Armstrong]

I would have asked, why didn't you just put a needle in my. Because I've had it done that way before where they got to do a bunch of stuff. You know, you put it in the top of your hand, and then they just come get what they got to get when they got to get it.

[Katie Green]

Yeah.

[Getty]

I hope people aren't crashing their cars listening to this. So is this a special thing you had to do because of your metabolism? Or medical history or is it fairly common?

[Armstrong]

No, I didn't like her.

[Katie Green]

It's probably. Probably that option. No, it's.

[Getty]

Try to be nicer. Huh.

[Katie Green]

I don't know if this is a new thing, because I don't. I don't. I'm not that up on it, but all of my friends said, oh, yeah, you have to do it. And they'll give you that one hour. One which hopefully you pass the first

[Getty]

time, but if you fail the. Out of it.

[Katie Green]

Right. Like I did the three hours, I go big or go home. Yeah. So I passed all four, though, which is also what I don't understand. So how did I fail the absolute hell out of the first one and then have four done and I'm fine.

[Grainger Announcer]

Need to try harder.

[Katie Green]

Yeah. But no gestational diabetes. And I just wanted to say how much I. Much would have rather, in so many ways, been here and just been doing my show. Was this a licensed medical center or somebody's garage? Yeah.

[Armstrong]

Did you go to Mexico to save money?

[Katie Green]

I thought that having to go in, like, a back gate was a weird

[Getty]

setup, you know, I knew it was a problem when the nurse said, the doctor will be in in a moment. Made air quotes. Yeah. Wait, what did you just do?

[Katie Green]

Oh, one more thing. I heard the greatest line. This little old guy was hanging out. He. He was. Had to have been like, late 80s, early 90s. But he's sitting in the waiting room, and the nurse comes out and she's like, hey, Jim, I. I recognized your birthday, and I remember you from last time. It's so good to see you. And he looked up at her, and without missing a beat, he goes, well, it's better to be seen than viewed.

[Armstrong]

Wow, I love him.

[Katie Green]

That's.

[Getty]

That's a good one.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, I'll hang on to that for.

[Getty]

I don't think that one, but I admire it. Jeez Louise.

[Armstrong]

Oh, good.

[Getty]

What the hell, dude?

[Katie Green]

Well, I guess that's it.

[Grainger Announcer]

If you work in university maintenance, Granger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one place, from H VAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more, and all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock, so your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.