I Think I'm Going to Hit You on The Head With A Stick

Summary

Armstrong & Getty On Demand

Episode: I Think I'm Going to Hit You on The Head With A Stick
Date: March 7, 2026
Host: Armstrong & Getty (iHeartPodcasts)

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a bodycam video from a Columbus, Ohio police encounter with activists protesting homeless sweeps by camping on the city attorney’s private lawn. Armstrong and Getty dissect the protest tactics, the police’s measured response, and the broader social and philosophical implications. With their signature irreverence, they critique activist theater, discuss modern protest culture, and reflect on law enforcement’s patience and the exploitation of “niceness” in civic discourse.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Breakdown of the Protest Incident

• Setting the Scene ([03:02])

  • Protesters objecting to a homeless sweep erect a tent on a city official’s private property.
  • Police arrive after a complaint from the homeowner.
  • A self-designated “Police Liaison” insists all communications go through her.

• The Interaction ([04:34] – [08:48])

  • Police ask for tent ownership; Liaison asserts her role repeatedly.
  • Officers attempt to clear the property without making arrests, demonstrating remarkable patience.
  • Protesters ignore direct orders, relying on the distraction of procedural “liaison” talk.

• Notable Tactics

  • The Liaison attempts to slow or confuse proceedings by insisting all communication funnel through her—even as protesters are close enough to overhear officers.
  • Armstrong and Getty liken this behavior to campus protests with designated spokespeople to disrupt dialogue.

2. Police Response: Patience & Decorum

• Extensive Leniency

  • Police carefully repeat instructions and warnings, avoid escalation, and even exhibit concern for protester comfort during arrests ([10:00]).
  • They notably ask for preferred pronouns to avoid offense ([10:25]).

• Hosts’ Reaction

  • Both hosts oscillate between admiration for the officers’ restraint and frustration with the drawn-out engagement.
  • They joke about “hitting someone on the head with a stick” as an expression of exasperation, clarifying that the police never resorted to force.

3. Social Commentary & Satire

• Neo-Marxism and ‘Niceness’ ([12:12])

  • Armstrong argues that some activist tactics exploit the openness and kindness inherent in American civic life.
  • They rail against what they term “Neo-Marxist” manipulation of liberal society’s values.

• Broader Implications

  • The hosts worry that excessive police patience for minor protest drama could be tying up resources, potentially putting other citizens at risk.
  • Satirical suggestions of using “wood shampoo” (euphemism for a baton) underscore their frustration with protest inefficacy and bureaucracy.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

The Repetitive Liaison Gimmick

• Armstrong:
  “The star of this show... is the young woman who makes it utterly clear over and over again she is the liaison to the group...” ([03:37])

• Police Officer 2:
  “Yes, you've said that a number of times. I didn't realize they were standing that close.” ([06:53])

The Limits of Patience

• Getty:
  “We want them to obey the law and leave this property.” ([05:33])
• Police Officer 2:
  “I don't give a if you're the liaison. Hey, dudes, get out of here or you're gonna get arrested.” ([10:53])

Empathy & Disdain

• Armstrong:
  “These people are really sad sacks. They're misfit folks... desperate to feel like they're living a life of purpose.” ([09:15])

The Pronoun Moment

• Police Officer 1:
  “It's not too tight, right?... Do you identify a sir, ma’am, or you could say your pronoun.” ([10:14] – [10:26])
• Armstrong:
  “Yeah. They ask everybody as they're cuffing them, what are your pronouns so we don't hurt your feelings things. Wow.” ([10:31])

Satirical & Audacious Remarks

• Armstrong:
  “Get out of my face, you half wit twat. Yeah, please, you probably ought to bleep that word, Hanson.” ([10:58])
  “Compassionate policing is a beautiful thing. It is. I have so much admiration for you peace officers. I really do.” ([11:12])

Philosophical Capstone

• Armstrong:
  “There is so much of Marxism, Neo Marxists that leans on our openness, our kindness, our wanting to be good people. And that's the very thing they exploit...” ([12:12])

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Segment Timestamps of Note

• [02:56] – Episode opening; Armstrong launches into event discussion with signature phrase.
• [03:02–04:34] – Scene-setting; introduction of protest and police arrival.
• [04:34–08:48] – Extended play-by-play of police-protester standoff, Liaison interactions.
• [09:05] – Hosts remark on Liaison’s obsession with her title.
• [09:58–10:29] – Arrest procedures, pronoun discussion.
• [12:12–12:44] – Reflection on manipulation of “niceness” in public life.

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Tone and Style

The hosts maintain a mix of sarcasm, social critique, and humor throughout, amplifying both their irritation with performative activism and genuine respect for law enforcement professionalism. Broad social commentary is peppered with satirical outbursts, expletives (often bleeped), and self-aware jabs at their own impatience.

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Useful Takeaways

• The episode is a satire-laden exploration of perceived excesses in modern activist culture and the real challenges law enforcement faces in balancing civil rights with practical law and order.
• Armstrong and Getty use the event to question not only tactical protest methods but also deeper societal tendencies to both indulge and then bristle at those who exploit openness for their own ends.
• While critical, they also display surprising empathy for both the police and the marginalized individuals drawn into protest as a pursuit of purpose.

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For listeners seeking a sharp-tongued, skeptical analysis of culture-war flashpoints, this episode provides both laughter and food for thought—with a generous helping of the hosts’ trademark irreverence.

Transcript

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[Armstrong]

to hit you in the head with a stick now. It's one more thing.

[Getty]

Armstrong and Getty.

[Armstrong]

One more thing I can av. Oh my golly. Body cam video from the Columbus, Ohio Police Department. Here is the long story made short. This collection of really sad sack misfits are protesting homeless sweeps by setting up a tent on the city attorney's lawn at his or her home.

[Jacob Goldstein]

Don't like that.

[Armstrong]

The homeowner calls the cops. The cops show up and are trying to deal with this. Their patience and kindness is astonishing, as is the lameness of the young activists. Good God, man. The star of this show is the. The young woman who makes it utterly clear over and over again is the liaison with the group in the style of some of the campus protests, right? Where, you know, they would surround somebody with a camera and shove them away. Or you'd ask them a question and they'd say, I'm not the spokesperson. You have to talk to our spokesperson. Be like, I just asked you why you're here. You need to talk to our spokesperson. That's a thing with the Neo Marxist youngsters. Anyway, we'll start with 15. Go from there. We've set the scene. The Columbus PD shows up.

[Police Officer 1]

Is anybody claiming ownership of this tent?

[Police Liaison]

I'm the police liaison, okay? So if you want to speak to any of them or anything you want to tell them, you can talk to me.

[Armstrong]

Okay?

[Police Liaison]

So the protesters are here right now because of the sweep happening on East Mount Street. Okay? So there are some demands.

[Police Officer 1]

Okay, that's fine. So here's the thing. The property owner doesn't want them on their property, okay?

[Bethenny Frankel]

Okay.

[Police Officer 1]

So now there's an officially, there's a trespass notice. I'll talk to you because you say that you're the liaison to them. If you can tell them, they can just move right over to this. This piece of grass right here. That's public property. Okay? But the property owner of this particular address no longer Wants them on their property. All right,

[Armstrong]

go on.

[Getty]

For everybody inside the tent, we need you guys to get up. We need you guys to get up

[Police Liaison]

everything that you're saying right now.

[Police Officer 2]

We.

[Getty]

You guys start getting up and start packing up your property.

[Police Liaison]

Well, acting as their communication.

[Getty]

I understand that they're not listening to you, so I'm willing to talk to them directly and hopes they listen to me to avoid an arrest. Because we don't want to arrest them. We want them to obey the law and leave this property.

[Police Liaison]

Like I said before, I'm the police liaison, so anything that you want to tell them, tell me.

[Armstrong]

Right.

[Police Liaison]

I will tell them.

[Getty]

And we have. We've already explained it to you, and they're not listening to you is what I'm saying.

[Police Liaison]

So like I said before, if there is anything that you want to tell them, you can talk to me and I will say to them, okay, so is there anything that you want to tell them right now for me?

[Getty]

They need to leave or they're going to be placed under arrest.

[Police Liaison]

You guys have been. I've been told by the.

[Police Officer 2]

They're that close.

[Police Liaison]

Other officer.

[Armstrong]

They're all standing right next to me. The 10.

[Police Liaison]

You are being told that you must go or else us. You must go.

[Police Officer 2]

Are you okay?

[Police Liaison]

You are going to be under arrest.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Weatherbug Host]

Okay.

[Armstrong]

All right. Now I'm going to hit you in the head with a stick. Except the cops don't. They're unbelievably.

[Police Officer 2]

I'm the official liaison. Yes, you've said that a number of times. I didn't realize they were standing that close.

[E.L.F. Cosmetics Announcer]

Oh.

[Armstrong]

Oh, yeah. Can you tell them everybody every single word.

[Police Officer 2]

And apparently she just turns her head and says.

[Jacob Goldstein]

The police say.

[Police Officer 2]

Yeah, I know. I heard.

[Armstrong]

That's precisely what's happening. Yes.

[Police Officer 2]

So it's like a Portlandia bit. She almost sounds like that female comedian rock girl.

[Jacob Goldstein]

That.

[Police Officer 2]

That is on Portlandia, right? Said the police are saying that. Yeah, I know. I'm standing right here.

[Armstrong]

I think her slow talking was some sort of Neo Marxist delaying. Probably something, but it was just. Probably everybody was just looking at her like, are you. No offense to anybody. Do you have special needs? I mean, how. Dialed back when you rode the bus to school.

[Police Officer 2]

How long was the bus? Was it on the shorter side?

[Armstrong]

Easy, easy. All right, let's at least one more. Michael. So here's.

[Police Officer 2]

Here's the deal.

[Getty]

This is your last warning, final warning. You must get up, you must start vacating the property, or you're going to be placed under arrest.

[Police Liaison]

Like I said before, because I am the police liaison, Okay?

[Getty]

I need you to stand over there. This is going to you, too, okay? This is private property. You have to leave. I need you to stand over there for me, okay?

[Police Liaison]

As I said before, any warning that you give them, that is not.

[Getty]

I'm warning you. I'm warning you right now.

[Police Liaison]

They're not going to listen.

[Getty]

They're not listening to you anyway.

[Police Liaison]

Nothing is going on.

[Getty]

They're not listening to you anyway. They're not listening to you anyway. I've already explained it. And they're not listening to you. So what I need you to do to avoid you being arrested is I need you to go stand over there and get off of private property. Once again, the homeowner here does not want you on their property, Okay? I need you personally to go over there and stand or you're going to be placed under arrest.

[Armstrong]

I know. Wood shampoo.

[Police Officer 2]

Hit her with the stick.

[Armstrong]

I know.

[Police Officer 2]

All right, there's one. All right.

[E.L.F. Cosmetics Announcer]

No, no.

[Armstrong]

Cut that off, Michael. We're not. The poor cops had to listen to that again. We're not. And then the final.

[Police Officer 2]

I think she really enjoys saying the word liaison. For some reason, she just really enjoyed. Maybe it's the most important position she's ever had in her life. I'm in a. I'm a liaison.

[Armstrong]

Now, the final WTF moment in this is in clip 18. Michael. Hang on. But. And again, I say this with actual sympathy and a little sadness in my heart. These people are. Are really sad sacks. They're misfit folks who don't fit in. They're desperate to feel like they're living life of purpose and what they're doing is important. They just come off as sad. But obviously everybody gets arrested. And here's how it went. There's one nugget in here that will make you pull out your hair,

[Police Officer 1]

interlock your fingers together for me. Makes it easier.

[Jacob Goldstein]

Okay.

[Police Officer 1]

I appreciate your cooperation in the situation.

[Getty]

Scoot your arms back a little.

[Police Officer 1]

I don't want to hurt you with the cuffs.

[Getty]

Bring him away from your body, buddy. Thank you.

[Police Officer 1]

It's not too tight, right? Man. Okay. Do you identify a sir, ma'?

[E.L.F. Cosmetics Announcer]

Am?

[Police Officer 1]

Or you could say your pronoun.

[Getty]

I don't want to insult you.

[Police Officer 1]

It's all good.

[Weatherbug Host]

Okay.

[Police Officer 2]

Oh, wow.

[Armstrong]

Yeah. They ask everybody as they're cuffing them, what are your pronouns so we don't hurt your feelings things. Wow.

[Police Officer 2]

So I don't know what the legality is. Are you obligated as a cop to deal with the liaison? Like if they name A liaison?

[Armstrong]

Oh, no. Absolutely not.

[Police Officer 2]

Okay, so they're just being polite.

[Armstrong]

This. This guy had the patience of a saint.

[Police Officer 2]

I don't give a if you're the liaison. Hey, dudes, get out of here or you're gonna get arrested.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, get out of my face, you half wit twat. Yeah, please, you probably. You probably ought to bleep that word. Hanson. Please, all y'. All.

[Police Officer 2]

The liaison you wrote in.

[Armstrong]

Compassionate policing is a beautiful thing. It is. I have so much admiration for you peace officers. I really do. At some point though, there's probably somebody crosstown.

[Police Officer 2]

That's exactly what I was thinking.

[Armstrong]

Put him in a headlock, chuck him in the car, let's be done with this ass.

[Police Officer 2]

It's one thing to have that sort of patience, but knowing that somewhere there's someone either about to or has made a 911 call and there's a car not getting there fast enough because of this shit.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, I mean, if it's a super slow day there in beautiful Columbus, okay, all right.

[Police Officer 2]

It's a problem we've got. There are examples of, you know, bad actors that come into this country and use our freedom and laws against us in all kinds of different ways. Yeah, this sort of thing is. Is similar. It's just you're taking advantage of our efforts to not trample on anybody's rights. And you know, you are.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, yeah, true. There is so much of Marxism, Neo Marxists that leans on our openness, our kindness, our wanting to be good people. And that's the very thing they exploit to introduce a system that has killed more human beings than virtually any other that's ever existed. They exploit our wanting to be nice.

[Police Officer 2]

I know why you can't, but man a flashlight in the back of the earth, boy.

[Armstrong]

This is why you're not a Columbus, Ohio cop, Jack.

[Police Officer 2]

Many reasons.

[Armstrong]

You failed the psychological test again? In particular. Yes, particularly in particularly.

[Jacob Goldstein]

Well, I guess that's it.

[Police Officer 2]

That was great.

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