I think we've got an attitude problem

Summary

Armstrong & Getty On Demand
Episode: "I Think We've Got An Attitude Problem"
Date: March 17, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into shifting attitudes about relationships and marriage, with a focus on how online advice—especially on Reddit—has evolved significantly from 2010 to 2025. The hosts discuss a major study analyzing 1.2 million Reddit comments offering relationship advice, spotlighting the dramatic increase in users recommending divorce or a breakup rather than communication or compromise. They explore what these trends say about today's society, interpersonal dynamics, and the broader implications for the future of relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Dramatic Shift in Relationship Advice (01:19–05:10)

• Main Study: Armstrong introduces a research analysis of Reddit’s relationship advice from 2010 to 2025.
• Statistical Highlights:
  • In 2010, about 30% of responses to unhappy marriages advised ending the relationship.
  • By 2025, that number had surpassed 50%.
  • Advice to "give space" or "communicate" dropped from roughly 25% to barely double digits.
  • Setting "boundaries" had a slight increase, though often seen as a negative shift from healthy communication.
  • Advice to "compromise" was halved.
• Getty’s Reflection: "The fact that 2010 was 15 years ago." (02:22)
• Michael on Pace of Change: “It’s not the amount of change, it’s the pace that’s making people insane.” (02:08)

Societal Implications of Changing Attitudes (05:11–11:36)

• Interpretation of the Data:
  • Armstrong and the crew suggest fewer people are in relationships, making online advice less experienced and possibly more cynical.
  • Michael: “If you not only haven’t had serious relationships and you just live an online life … How the F would you have any idea what advice to give? … You’re seeing here a bunch of cynical I-live-my-life-online types saying very online things.” (05:18)
• Role Models and Resentment:
  • The scarcity of positive relationship role models leads to negative feedback loops.
  • Armstrong: “If you’ve never been in a relationship and you secretly want to be in one … you want to be in a relationship. That’s the way you’re built.” (06:13)
  • Getty: “This also sounds like it might be coming from people who had one bad relationship and have just said ‘F them all’...” (06:33)
• ‘Divorce as Contagion’:
  • Armstrong: Describes divorce spreading through social groups, especially if a spouse befriends divorced, single people.
  • “Divorce is a contagion. I’ve seen it over and over again at various workplaces and stuff like that. Friend groups. It’s absolutely a contagion … look how great this … fun this life is out here compared to your drudgery.” (08:25)
  • Getty underscores, “Misery loves company.” (09:28)

Language & Psychology Behind the Trends (09:32–12:52)

• Memorable Quotations:
  • Michael: “Drunks want everybody to drink. More stoners want everybody to take another hit … Everybody feels better if more people are doing what they’re doing, they feel justified in themselves if you get divorced, too.” (09:41)
• Online Echo Chambers:
  • Michael: “You’re in a cesspool. You’re asking just stupid, ignorant, evil people for advice.” (11:36)
  • Armstrong: “Well, that’s kind of what Reddit is. It should be their subhead for Reddit. Asking stupid people for their advice.” (11:43)
  • Getty: “Trolls giving advice.” (11:52)
• Darkly Comic Forecasts:
  • “On that trajectory, where’s that gonna be in five, ten more years?” (12:25)
  • Getty jokes, “I’ll be dating robots,” sparking a riff on sex bots and the future of relationships (12:47–13:33).

Closing Reflections

• Armstrong’s Apprehension:
  “I don’t like it. And on that trajectory, where’s that gonna be in five, ten more years?” (12:25)
• Michael’s Satirical Sentiment:
  “If I had a sex bot, I’d have it look just like my wife.” (13:28)
• Comic Summary:
  Michael jokes about greeting cards for sex bots, highlighting the absurdities of future relationship trends (13:33).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Armstrong (on the data):
  “It’s just since 2010 that it’s gone from 30% to over 50% of ‘divorce them’.” (11:18)
• Michael (on advice quality):
  “Turn to ignorant trolls. Misery loves company.” (11:55)
• Getty (on peer resentment):
  “I’ve actually been in the situation where I’ve had a friend get irritated with me when I got married and my life started getting better.” (10:26)
• Armstrong (on group psychology):
  “You secretly want the steady girlfriend like they have. But you’re kind of angry that they do.” (10:55)

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Segment Timestamps

• Reddit Relationship Advice Study Introduced: 01:19
• The Numbers Then vs. Now: 02:54–05:10
• Societal Takeaways and Personal Commentary: 05:11–08:25
• ‘Divorce Contagion’ and Social Influence: 08:25–09:32
• The Language of Misery and Group Justification: 09:32–11:36
• Where Are We Headed? Tech, Isolation & Satire: 12:25–13:42

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Summary Tone & Takeaways

The discussion is candid, irreverent, and at times darkly comic, but it addresses profound shifts in how society views commitment and intimacy. The hosts are critical of the online echo chamber, lamenting a lack of resilience and the replacement of effort with cynicism. Through relatable anecdotes, wry humor, and cultural observation, they collectively warn that the trend toward avoiding relational work could have dire consequences for future connection and happiness.

Transcript

[Armstrong]

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[Armstrong]

I think we've got an attitude problem. It's one more thing. Armstrong and Getty. One more thing. Shut up.

[Getty]

I hate you.

[Armstrong]

I hate everything.

[Getty]

So.

[Armstrong]

So Reddit has been around for a while. I don't know when it started, but it certainly was around in 2010. And this is a big a research piece they did on Reddit, responses to a particular question. People that are in unhappy marriages. There's lots and lots of Reddit threads around this sort of stuff. Anyway, they filtered out relationship advice from 1.2 million comments over the years since 2010 to 2025. So over 15 years, 1.2 million comments. When you describe being in a bad relationship, you know, my marriage isn't going. Why? What? Well, whatever the reason is, back in the day, and by back in the day, I mean 2010. I don't mean like 1930.

[Michael]

Yeah. Wow. It's not the amount of change, it's the pace that's making people insane.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, it is.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Armstrong]

I want to make sure I get the number completely right.

[Getty]

God, the fact that 2010 was 15 years ago.

[Michael]

Welcome to aging well and worth well. Yeah, that too. But the idea that in a lot of these things, it's worth drawing a comparison between now and 2010.

[Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Michael]

Why would it be?

[Armstrong]

That didn't exist. Yeah. If you compared, you know, obviously 1870 to 1860 in terms of marriage trends, there wouldn't be a lot of difference.

[Michael]

Well, if you compare them in terms of number of civil wars going on, there'd be a difference, but no. Yeah.

[Armstrong]

And so as recently as 2010. So it's only 15 years ago. Overall, the advice of end the relationship was about a third, less than a third. 30% of the respondents would say, end the relationship when you got on there with you, My marriage is not happy. Here's what's going on. It's now over 50%. It's gone up 20% just since 2010. Of people would say, just end your marriage then.

[Michael]

Well, that's got to be because fewer and fewer people are in relationships, so they have no idea what they're talking about. Is that what the explanation is according to what you're looking at?

[Armstrong]

Well, all the other numbers decline a lot. So give space and time to your spouse who you're having a problem with has gone from 25% of respondents down to barely double digits who say you should give your spouse some time and space to try to fix this. It all went down. Communicate about this. Went from a quarter down to barely double digits. Just, you know, the simple idea of talk to them about it.

[Michael]

That's crazy.

[Armstrong]

It is.

[Michael]

I mean, that's stupid. It's toxic. It's inexcusable. It's an indictment of everything that will follow.

[Armstrong]

So communicate and give space. Dropped a lot. Set boundaries. Went up some, which is also a bit of a negative. I mean, it can be positive, but it's got a little bit of a negative flair to it. More than talk to them or give them some space, set some strong boundaries with me. You're no longer allowed to do this.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Armstrong]

Relationship.

[Getty]

That's another way of cutting, you know, cutting it off kind of.

[Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Michael]

To me, sometimes it's necessary, but yeah.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Armstrong]

Compromise went down about. By about half.

[Michael]

Oh, of course it did. Yeah.

[Armstrong]

The only one that went up much and it went up a lot, from 30% to over 50%, is end the relationship divorce.

[Michael]

That is crazy.

[Armstrong]

Isn't that something? What does that mean about society?

[Michael]

Means people aren't willing to work it out anymore, clearly.

[Getty]

Right.

[Michael]

They don't want the effort.

[Armstrong]

Michael.

[Michael]

I enjoy judging as much as anybody. I ought to be on the Supreme Court. I'm so judgmental. But if you not only haven't had serious relationships and you just live an online life and you're like kind of the second generation of that fewer and fewer relation. So you haven't seen role models of good relationships in front of you. How the F would you have any idea what advice to give? And so what you're seeing here is a bunch of cynical I live my life online types saying very online things

[Armstrong]

I would love to know. I don't know how much marriage the number of people getting married has changed in 15 years. I know it's declining, but I don't know. But, but I think it's pretty solid that the number of people getting in relationships at all has declined quite a bit.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[Armstrong]

So if you've never been in a relationship and you secretly want to be in one, I don't care what you say about how happy you are alone, you want to be in a relationship. You just do. That's the way you're built. But so you of course you're happier that other people aren't in relationships. It whether you, whether you acknowledge it or it's all subconscious, you hate somebody else being in a happy relationship.

[Getty]

Yeah, it sounds, yeah, these and this also sounds like it might be coming from people who had one bad relationship and have just said F them all kind of.

[Michael]

I was just going to bring up the the person who's had a couple of relationships and and have given up. Or they say, you know, there's no woman worth, you know, I won't put sacrifices, blah blah blah.

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[Armstrong]

I won't put too fine a point on this to keep myself out of trouble, but if your spouse starts hanging around with divorced people, it is who are single. It's much worse for you than if your spouse hangs around with people who are making it work, going through the grind of being married and raising kids and doing the whole thing, as opposed to hanging around with somebody who's divorced and talking about all the fun they could have and why do you put up with that? And blah, blah, blah. Because they love to. I've. This divorce is a contagion. I've seen it over and over again at various workplaces and stuff like that. Friend groups. It is absolutely a contagion. And somebody else gives the permission structure and then starts, you know, with the carrot of, look how great this. And fun this life is out here compared to your drudgery. And. But if you hang around with other people who are, like I said, doing the deal, it's less likely to happen. And so you got all these people on here reading these things. They're. They're in the. No, no, no, no. You should join us in our happiness. Using my finger quotes, because they're not that happy out here in single world.

[Getty]

Yeah. Misery Loves company.

[Armstrong]

Yep, exactly. You know, that's 100% it.

[Michael]

As a friend, as a student rather, of language, I have like shelves of books of quotations.

[Armstrong]

Is there one?

[Michael]

I mean, because Misery Loves Company. Drunks want everybody to drink. More stoners want everybody to take another hit or smoke if they don't smoke pot, you know, is maybe birds of a feather flock together. I'm trying to think, is there a great quotation that communicates what we're talking about? Everybody feels better. If more people are doing what they're doing, they feel justified in themselves if you get divorced, too.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, I know, because I have seen it 100%. I, like, I've had friends who. I've watched this happen, not only with my own life, which they enjoy when their friend gets divorced too. Somehow it, I don't know, makes them feel better. I don't know why.

[Michael]

And you have kind of a kinship going, I guess.

[Getty]

And on the flip side, I've actually been in the situation where I've had a friend get irritated with me when my. When I got married and my life started getting better.

[Armstrong]

Sure, yeah, I've seen that also. Yes, absolutely.

[Michael]

Oh, is that person still A friend.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, absolutely. When you're younger. I remember, like, you know, you got the friend group. All us dudes were hanging out, we're watching a football game on Saturday, drinking beer, and then somebody gets a steady girlfriend, and they're not part of that anymore. You secretly want the steady girlfriend like they have.

[Getty]

Right.

[Armstrong]

But you're kind of angry that they do, and you'd love it if they broke up and they come back to hang out with you, drinking beer, watching football, wasting your life on a Sunday afternoon. That's just the way we're built, I guess. But the fact that it's moved that much in 15 years is the thing.

[Michael]

Oh, my God, that's right. I'd kind of spaced off that. It was 15 years.

[Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Michael]

So now. Oh, my.

[Armstrong]

It's just since 2010 that it's gone from 30% to over 50% of divorce them.

[Getty]

That's so crazy.

[Michael]

So dump them. Is now almost five to one over.

[Armstrong]

Communicate or give them space. That's. That's.

[Michael]

Okay, so that's just.

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You're.

[Michael]

You're in a cesspool. You're asking just stupid, ignorant, evil people for advice.

[Armstrong]

Well, that's kind of what Reddit is. It should be their sub edit. Subhead for Reddit. Asking stupid people for their advice.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Michael]

Stupid evil people. Yeah.

[Getty]

Trolls giving advice.

[Michael]

We are in a spot. Turn to ignorant trolls. Misery loves company.

[Armstrong]

Maybe it's as simple as that could be, or.

[Michael]

But it's. It's more than misery, though. It's. It's. Every drunk wants everybody else to have one more drink too, because it gives you cover.

[Armstrong]

Been there.

[Michael]

I don't have a problem. Everybody's doing it. Humans.

[Armstrong]

I don't like it. And on that trajectory, where's that gonna be in five, ten more years?

[Getty]

Oh, boy, that's a scary thought.

[Armstrong]

Is there any reason to think that's gonna level off or start stop going at that rate?

[Michael]

Miserable, childless, isolation. That's fine.

[Armstrong]

It's a pretty steep chart.

[Getty]

I'll be dating robots.

[Armstrong]

Yep.

[Michael]

Don't date robots.

[Armstrong]

We'll all be dating robots. That's. What's.

[Michael]

I ain't dating no damn robot.

[Armstrong]

What they look like.

[Michael]

There's one more woman on Earth. I'm gonna find her. Oh, my God, they're looking real now. What can I Jack do? And sex bots. Jack's doing sex bots.

[Armstrong]

How can I dress them?

[Michael]

I'm gonna mock you like it's a schoolyard.

[Getty]

However you want, Jack. That's the beauty of being a robot.

[Armstrong]

It's. It's I actually feel the opposite of it. I feel like, as a single man out in the world, there's more opportunities for me as some of these you weirdos go that direction and. And isolate more as a single man such.

[Michael]

I had a sex bot. I'd have it look just like my wife.

[Armstrong]

Oh, that. That should be on a card. That should actually be. You got to write that into.

[Getty]

Yeah, send that to Hallmark.

[Michael]

It's complete bull, but it's, you know, it's a nice sentiment.

[Armstrong]

Wow.

[Michael]

I've already got one of those. Maybe I want a tall redhead. That doesn't make me a monster, does it? No. I'm gonna ask credit. Well, I guess that's it.