Armstrong & Getty On Demand: Episode Summary Title: I Want To Be Buried With My Obsolete Cords
Release Date: February 5, 2025
Host: Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty
Platform: iHeartPodcasts

In this engaging episode of Armstrong & Getty On Demand, hosts Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty navigate a myriad of contemporary topics with their signature humor and insightful commentary. From the latest food trends to pressing societal issues, the duo ensures a rich and entertaining listen. Below is a detailed summary of the key discussions, complete with notable quotes and timestamps.

1. Sweet Treats and Subway Surprises

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted discussion about Subway's new dessert offerings. Joe Getty highlights the introduction of an Oreo foot-long cookie, complemented by churros and pretzels.

• Joe Getty [00:24]:
  "The sandwich chain Subway has begun offering an Oreo foot long cookie which features a chocolate cookie topped with vanilla cream and crushed Oreos."
  "Both very, very good at the subway. If you're needing one of those churros."

Jack Armstrong adds enthusiasm about the churros, emphasizing their "cinnamony spice fried" flavor [00:53].

2. Legal Assurance on FBI Employees

Transitioning to more serious news, Joe Getty addresses concerns surrounding the January 6 investigations. He references a clarification from the acting Deputy Attorney General assuring that FBI employees conducting their duties ethically are safe from termination or punishment.

• Joe Getty [01:06]:
  "No FBI employee who simply followed orders and carried out their duties in an ethical manner with respect to the January six investigations is at risk of termination or other punishment."

Jack Armstrong echoes the relief, stating simply, "That's good," [01:38].

3. Surge in Army Recruiting Under Trump’s Leadership

The hosts delve into military recruitment statistics, noting a significant uptick in enlistments following Donald Trump’s election. Joe Getty attributes this surge to Trump's "bold, strong America first leadership."

• Joe Getty [01:55]:
  "Bottom line, America's youth want to serve under the bold, strong America first leadership of @ real Donald Trump."

Jack Armstrong acknowledges the improvement with, "I'd like to see those numbers play out, but it's a great sign." [02:34].

4. Defining Perfection with Obsolete Cords

Jack Armstrong introduces a humorous take on perfection by likening it to using obsolete computer cords to cure cancer.

• Jack Armstrong [02:48]:
  "If you could use obsolete computer cords to cure cancer, that would be perfection."

This leads to a nostalgic conversation about outdated technology and their sentimental value.

5. The Rise of Fake Apple Products on Facebook Marketplace

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the proliferation of counterfeit Apple products on Facebook Marketplace. Joe Getty shares his frustrating experiences with fake AirPods and Apple Watches, highlighting the deceptive nature of these knockoffs.

• Joe Getty [04:02]:
  "A lot of those Apple products on Facebook Marketplace are fake... China is making duplicates from factories and selling them for cheap."

Jack Armstrong expresses skepticism about discerning real from fake products, questioning, "Does that mean you just can't buy used Apple products anymore?" [06:25].

6. Navigating Facebook’s Marketplace and Privacy Concerns

The conversation shifts to the complexities of using Facebook Marketplace, balancing the platform's convenience against privacy issues. Both hosts reflect on their minimal engagement with Facebook, emphasizing concerns over data privacy and the platform's invasive nature.

• Joe Getty [06:40]:
  "Worlds are colliding... It's weird how it gets this information."

Jack Armstrong discusses the challenges of maintaining anonymity, "We have to fight this in the Congress. We have to fight this in the streets." [36:10].

7. The Perils of Selfies: A Rising Trend of Fatalities

Addressing public safety, the hosts discuss the alarming increase in deaths related to taking selfies, particularly at picturesque but dangerous locations.

• Jack Armstrong [15:30]:
  "Far more people die from taking selfies than shark attacks."

They recount personal anecdotes and emphasize the dangers of risking life for a fleeting photograph, concluding with a mix of humor and concern.

8. Educational System Under Scrutiny

A critical analysis of the American education system surfaces as Joe Getty presents statistics showing a disproportionate increase in non-teaching staff compared to student enrollment since 1970.

• Joe Getty [18:18]:
  "Since 1970, enrollment in schools has increased 8%. Total education staffing has risen 84%. Most notably, non-teaching staff has increased 138%."

Jack Armstrong vehemently criticizes the system, stating, "Government schools are a giant jobs program for unions, period." [19:47], highlighting inefficiencies and misallocations in educational funding.

9. Youth Slang: Bridging the Generation Gap

The episode delves into the rapid evolution of youth slang, presenting challenges parents face in keeping up with ever-changing terminology. The hosts reference a middle school teacher who identified 31 new phrases in a single week, illustrating the dynamic nature of modern language.

• Joe Getty [21:11]:
  "My son said, dad, nobody says that."

Jack Armstrong attempts to decode terms like "Sigma," while Katie Green contributes by defining it as "used mostly among young men and referring to someone who is self-assured or independent." [24:31].

10. Satirical Take on Political Statements

In a satirical segment, the hosts humorously speculate about Trump announcing the U.S. takeover of Gaza, mocking the volatility and unpredictability of political statements.

• Jack Armstrong [30:06]:
  "Trump announcing the United States was going to take over Gaza, which it's not. And he has no intention of, I'm sure."

This fictional scenario serves as a comedic critique of political rhetoric.

11. Final Thoughts and Light-Hearted Banter

Concluding the episode, Armstrong and Getty engage in playful banter, sharing jokes and humorous predictions about fictional events like Elon Musk buying an NBA team and relocating it to Gaza.

• Jack Armstrong [34:59]:
  "My final thought is just to repeat what I said earlier. Perfection would be if you could use obsolete computer cords to cure cancer."

The segment wraps up with humorous exchanges about their everyday lives and final humorous reflections, leaving listeners with a blend of laughter and contemplation.

Notable Quotes:

• Joe Getty [04:02]:
  "A lot of those Apple products on Facebook Marketplace are fake... China is making duplicates from factories and selling them for cheap."

• Jack Armstrong [15:30]:
  "Far more people die from taking selfies than shark attacks."

• Joe Getty [18:18]:
  "Since 1970, enrollment in schools has increased 8%. Total education staffing has risen 84%. Most notably, non-teaching staff has increased 138%."

Conclusion: In "I Want To Be Buried With My Obsolete Cords," Armstrong and Getty adeptly balance humor with critical analysis, addressing everything from daily consumer experiences to significant societal issues. Their dynamic interplay and candid discussions provide listeners with both amusement and food for thought, making for a compelling and insightful podcast episode.