I'd Rather Be Set on Fire

Summary

Armstrong & Getty On Demand: "I'd Rather Be Set on Fire" (May 4, 2026)

Podcast: Armstrong & Getty On Demand
Host: iHeartPodcasts
Episode: I'd Rather Be Set on Fire

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Armstrong and Getty dive into the universal dread of paperwork and chores—those unavoidable, mundane tasks most of us delay at all costs. Drawing inspiration from a recent Washington Post article, the hosts discuss creative "gamification" strategies for making chores less painful, sharing relatable anecdotes, irreverent humor, and a few genuinely useful life hacks.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Paperwork Dread and Envy of the Efficient (00:32–01:21)

• Armstrong laments his aversion to paperwork, wishing he was one of those "built different" people who eagerly tackle chores and clutter.
  • "I wish I was married to one of those people...they love that challenge...What a great way to go through life...You’re obviously built different than me."
    [00:38 – Armstrong]

2. Are There People Who Truly Enjoy Chores? (01:21–01:23)

• Getty questions if such people even exist.
  • "Are there people who revel in it?"
    [01:21 – Getty]

3. Gamification: Making Chores More Fun (01:23–04:08)

• Armstrong introduces "gamification"—the act of turning chores into a kind of game.
• Key Ideas from the Washington Post Article:

  • Administration Night Parties: Get friends together, bring some beer, tackle paperwork and errands as a group.

    • "Adds a dash of social fun to tedious but unavoidable tasks..."
      [02:27 – Armstrong, paraphrasing the article]
    • Getty reacts enthusiastically:
      "That's pretty good...That's clever."
      [03:36–03:48 – Getty]

  • The "Poop Rule": When decluttering, ask yourself, "If this item was covered in poop, would I keep it?"

    • "Ask yourself, if this item was covered in poop, would I still keep it?"
      [04:04 – Armstrong]
    • Getty:
      "Clothes covered with excrement is a different question..."
      [04:30 – Getty]

4. Tangents and Comic Relief (04:56–05:22)

• The hosts riff on the absurd scenario of mysterious poop ending up on their belongings.
  • "I feel like we need to get the ring cam data and figure this out before we worry about decluttering." [04:56 – Armstrong]
  • "Simplisafe.com Armstrong. We have a bigger problem on our hands than a little clutter..." [05:08 – Getty]

5. Other Gamification Ideas (05:22–08:31)

• Point Systems: Assign point values to chores, more points for tougher tasks, and compete for the highest score or rewards.
  • Getty:
    "I'd rather fight a chimp..." (on making the bed with fitted sheets)
    [05:55 – Getty]
• Timed Challenges: Commit to just 10–15 minutes of a task, often leading to unexpected productivity.
  • "The getting going is the whole ball game. Once you get going, you blow past the time..."
    [06:36 – Armstrong]
• Armstrong’s “Walking-to-the-Gym” Analogy: Wishing for an equivalent path to ease into paperwork as walking helps motivate gym attendance.
  • "I wish there was a paperwork equivalent of this..."
    [07:52 – Armstrong]

6. Tech Frustrations: Autofill and Bureaucracy (07:58–09:00)

• Both hosts are baffled that, despite modern technology, they still have to fill in the same personal info over and over, especially with institutions that already have it.
  • "Why I ever have to type my name, address, phone number or anything into anything ever again in my life is amazing to me..."
    [07:58 – Armstrong]
  • "An institution that already knows who you are...Why are you asking me to give it to you for the eighth time?"
    [08:44–09:02 – Getty]

7. Final Strategies & Life Reflections (09:04–11:49)

• Chore Apps: Tools like Habitica, Habit Hunter, or Nipto gamify chores, but the hosts doubt their usefulness for themselves.
• Self-Rewards: Armstrong muses on rewarding oneself with a small prize (like a bottle of scotch) after completing dreaded tasks.
• Armstrong reflects on his enduring paperwork backlog and wonders if he'll regret this at life’s end.
  • "I wonder if on my deathbed I’m going to think, why didn’t you at some point just get it done so you could have a day, a week, a month where you didn’t have this hanging over your head...I am going to wonder that on my deathbed yeah."
    [11:17 – Armstrong]

8. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On fitted sheets:
  "I'd rather fight a chimp. Oh, man. Oh, it just takes so long and then it doesn't fit right anyway."
  [05:55 – Getty]
• On poop decluttering:
  "There's some sort of rogue in our home while we sleep. My God."
  [05:22 – Armstrong]
• On deathbed regrets:
  "I am going to wonder that on my deathbed yeah."
  [11:49 – Armstrong]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:32–01:21 — Armstrong’s paperwork dread and envy of efficient people
• 01:21–01:23 — Are there people who love chores?
• 02:12–03:36 — Administration Night Party concept
• 04:04–04:56 — Introducing the “Poop Rule” decluttering trick
• 05:22–06:04 — Point systems and chore competitions
• 06:04–07:21 — Timed challenges and motivational hacks
• 07:52–08:44 — The wish for an easier paperwork “warmup”
• 08:44–09:02 — Government redundancy gripes
• 09:04–11:49 — Chore apps, self-trickery, life regrets

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Tone & Style

Armstrong and Getty keep their trademark light, self-deprecating, and bantering tone throughout the episode. Irreverent humor and relatable frustration with everyday tasks make the episode engaging, while bits of practical advice are filtered through skepticism and comic exaggeration.

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Summary Takeaway:
Armstrong & Getty offer a humorous yet sympathetic look at why many of us procrastinate on paperwork and chores, with both hosts test-driving—and skewering—various gamification strategies. Their real-life struggles, outlandish scenarios (like the poop rule), and reflections on motivation make this episode a fun listen for anyone plagued by to-do lists and bureaucratic nonsense.

Transcript

[Armstrong]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Getty]

Guaranteed Human.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Armstrong]

[e-mail] I'd rather be lit on fire. It's one more thing. Armstrong and Getty. One more thing. Then what? You're probably wondering, then do that stack of paperwork I've got sitting on my counter in my kitchen. Oh, I don't know why that is. I. I wish I was one of those people. I wish I was married to one of those people that, oh, they love that challenge. Oh, I can't wait to tear into that, start knocking those off, checking those boxes, getting that taken care of. I've known people like that. What a great way to go through life. If you're one of those people that you look at a stack of paperwork or a cluttered room and just think, oh, my God, I can't wait to get started. You get. You're obviously built different than me. And I don't. It's not a character thing, I don't think.

[Getty]

Are there people who revel in it?

[Armstrong]

Oh, absolutely. Really? I've known several. I've known several. Just, oh, they get such a feeling of accomplishment, of tearing into that stuff and getting it done. Oh, man, I dread it so much. Anyway, the reason I brought this up and I. And, and particular stuff. If you told me on a Sunday morning, need you to dig a hole 10ft by 10ft by 5ft, I think, well, I'd rather not, but okay, you tell me. I got to do that stack of paperwork. I'm going to fake an illness or step in front of a bus or anything I've got to do to get out of that for whatever reason. Anyway, the Washington Post with a piece today. The secret to making chores so fun that you look forward to them. Strategies to getting things you don't want to do done.

[Getty]

Yes, please.

[Armstrong]

And they go through a bunch of them. Some of them are pretty decent. Some of them seem pretty stupid to me. It's called gamification. And it's exactly what it sounds like. Making those often dreaded tasks of daily life into a Game that comes close to resembling actual fun. And we rounded up some of the best examples out there. This one I wouldn't do in my current lifestyle, but I could see it being a thing back when I was single. Particularly administration night parties. When I first thought that I saw that, I thought, that's dumb. But this writer said administration night party is the lamest party ever. It sounds like. But it adds a dad of dash of Slow down. It adds a dash of social fun to tedious but unavoidable tasks of paying bills, filling out school forms. I got a bunch of those to do today. That's what's on my mind, doing this. I got enrollment stuff. That's just like. Why you. We've been at this school for years. You know who I am, you know where we are, you know the doc, you know all of this stuff. Why do I have to fill all this out again?

[Getty]

Oh, my God.

[Armstrong]

Anyway. Anyway, back to this. Him. Him and his friends came up with this idea of administration parties. And they would get some beer and they would meet at somebody's house and they drink beer and talk while they went through all the stuff. And it turned into something that everybody enjoys and they do once a week or once a month or whatever's going on.

[Getty]

That's pretty good.

[Armstrong]

I could actually see that.

[Getty]

Yeah. Look, we're going to do paperwork for an hour and a half. We can shoot the shit while we do it and have a couple of brews and then we'll do something fun. Yeah. Wow. Wow, that's clever.

[Armstrong]

This one I'd never thought of. I don't know if I'll ever think of it again. The poop rule. People have trouble getting rid of things, throwing things out when decluttering.

[Getty]

Oh, that's me. Yeah.

[Armstrong]

Ask yourself, if this item was covered in poop, would I still keep it?

[Getty]

Wow, that's creative.

[Armstrong]

The aim is to simplify the decision making process. Obviously, the poop rule helps you decide whether it's something you really need to keep or not. There's not a lot I keep with poop on it. Well, you know your spare set of car keys, you'd clean the poop off and keep them.

[Getty]

Right, right, right, right. I'm trying to. I'm willing to entertain this notion since the first one was so good. Oh, gosh. Because it's clothes I, you know, I'm really bad at. Look, I got this long sleeve golf shirt. I haven't worn it in five years. Why do I still own it? Well, it might come in handy if. But Clothes covered with excrement is a different, different question than.

[Armstrong]

I feel like I would get hung up on who came into my house and pooped in my T shirt drawer. I feel like we need to get the ring cam data and figure this out before we worry about decluttering.

[Getty]

Simply safe. Simplisafe.com Armstrong we have a bigger problem

[Armstrong]

on our hands than a little clutter around the house. Somebody came into the house and pooped in my T shirt drawer. The point is not the T shirt.

[Getty]

Fecal matter.

[Armstrong]

There's some sort of rogue in our home while we sleep. My God. Anyway, right, that's that. This one's less fun and would just not work on me. A point system. Assign points to chores based on difficulty to see who can get the most points. Making the bed might be one, point. Emptying the dishwasher might be three. I actually think it'd be the other way around. I hate making the bed. Well, do I have a fitted sheet to put on it? Making the bed. I'm fine. Oh, starting with no sheets on the bed at all. Including getting that fitted sheet on there.

[Getty]

I'd rather fight a chimp. Oh, man. Oh, it just takes so long and then it doesn't fit right anyway.

[Armstrong]

And then you have prizes for the end or you're rewarding. It is a dumb one. Timed challenges. This is not a bad idea. I've actually kind of done this before. The 10 minute tidy or whatever time. How long? I'm only going to do this for 15 minutes. I'm going to do paperwork for 15 minutes and then I'm going to stop. What happens almost always is if you can get going. Because if you're a certain sort of person, the getting going is the whole ball game. Once you get going, you blow past the time and you keep going. But for some reason it's a. It's your trick in the mind. Because the getting started. I don't know what personality type that is, but I've got it like as bad as anybody has ever had it on earth. The getting started. Jeez.

[Getty]

Well, right. And it can be like positive stuff too. Whether it's going to the gym, which is arguably positive. The look, I'm going to go in there for five minutes and if I'm not digging it, I'm going to go home again or stop working out or whatever. I do that for writing. I know I should write, but what's the opposite of a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. There's a personality type that I'm More than familiar with that. All that you can see is the thousand miles. And those first steps seem like too much to ask. But yeah, if I say, all right, I'm going to sit down and write for five minutes, it always turns into a lot more than that.

[Armstrong]

I wish there was the paperwork equivalent of this. One of the reasons that I'm able to get to the the gym practically every day is that it's just the perfect distance from my house and I can make myself walk there. And there's something about walking there gets my blood flowing and everything like that. By the time I get there, I have no problem being motivated to do it. Whereas if I drove there, I might sit in my car and think, not today and go home. But I wish there was a paperwork equivalent of that. That kind of got you warmed up and your brain going to where it's fine, but I don't know what that would be.

[Getty]

Oh, you just warm up by filling out your name and address twice and you write down your phone number once and. Oh, man.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, there we go. I don't know why. Hand me those tax forms. I don't know why AI hasn't taken care of this. And maybe it hasn't for you smarter people. Why I ever have to type my name, address, phone number or anything into anything ever again in my life is amazing to me. My computer. How many times have I typed my address into my phone? A million times. How is it not have that stored somewhere and will always fill it into everything? Some sites are set up for that, but not all of them. I just. I don't understand how we haven't gotten there yet.

[Getty]

Yeah, you have to deal with more crap like that than me because your kids are still kids. But yeah, the auto fill my address and phone number happens pretty automatically with most things I deal with.

[Armstrong]

Not enough. Not enough. Yeah, yeah, it should all be filled in all the time.

[Getty]

But an institution that already knows who you are, including the government. We've talked about this before. There are like seven different departments of the federal government that have every bit of information that's humanly available. Why are you asking me to give

[Armstrong]

it to you for the eighth time?

[Getty]

What kind of a system is that?

[Armstrong]

Right? Yeah, Almost anything that involves a government, which your public school is. Can I just write the same as the last eight times you asked me for who the doctor is and the address and the phone number for the hospital. What? Anyway. And then finally another dumb one in my mind. Apps that gamified chores. There are a bunch of different apps out There, Habitica, Habit Hunter and Nipto help organize household chores, family tasks and personal goals. And an easy to use app that lends structure, rewards and yes, can make jobs that are seem like drudgery into fun. I, I, I'm guessing that wouldn't work on me. The first two I like the best. I like the getting together and kind of making a party out of the paperwork. I could see doing that. And then I'm going to go around my house pooping on things I want to get rid of. Is that I wasn't paying attention? Is that what it was all about?

[Getty]

Well, that helps make it more real, I think. You know, I'm just having so much difficulty picturing this old golf trophy with feces all over it. Let me, it's me up the ante.

[Armstrong]

It's one of those things that if you're the sort of person that this stuff isn't hard for, you don't understand why you just don't get off your ass and do it. You're lazy. If you're the sort of person that it's easy for, you don't understand what sort of weird mental block it is for some of us.

[Getty]

If I got like points for various, you know, check boxes being checked and after, you know, I got like 10 points, I got a like nice bottle of scotch or something like that, I could see thinking, oh, shoot, if I just clean out the this and, and file the that, I'll get my bottle,

[Armstrong]

but just go buy it. Yeah, well, that is the example they actually used on that one. The point system, if it's for yourself, something, you know, of a medium or small price that you've been wanting to buy, make the rule in your own mind, if I get this room cleaned out, then I will buy X. Yeah, you can trick yourself that way. Fantastic. I wonder. I have spent my entire adult life with paperwork that I need to get done. And I admire people that I've known. I've been in relationships with women, for instance, that always have all their paperwork done. And so you get new stuff come in the mail, but they get that done so they never have anything. I've always had stuff that needs to be done and I, and I, I wonder if on my deathbed I'm going to think, why didn't you at some point just get it done so you could have a day, a week, a month where you didn't have this hanging over your head instead of spending your entire freaking life thinking about this shit. I am going to wonder that on my deathbed yeah.

[Getty]

Bottom line at Michael, I think my favorite golf shoes, I would go ahead and have cleaned my favorite cereal bowl. Yeah, yeah. Probably not something that you eat off

[Armstrong]

of my high school diploma. I don't need to clean. Please. Yeah, cereal bowls are cheap at Target, Joe. You can get those. You know, fact I might go home and crap on my high school diploma. Well, I guess that's it.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Armstrong]

Com.