Armstrong & Getty On Demand

Episode: "If I Fall In Love With A Stapler At Least I Can Take It With Me"

Date: February 13, 2026
Hosts: Jack Armstrong & Joe Getty

Overview

This episode oscillates between irreverent coverage of current events—ranging from Olympic upsets to ongoing political scandals—and a much deeper, often satirical discussion about privacy, surveillance, and the rapidly approaching (and bizarre) reality of AI companionship. With their signature blend of sharp skepticism and wry humor, Jack and Joe probe the cultural meaning of falling in love with artificial intelligence, mark Valentine’s Day with tongue-in-cheek life advice, and lament the erosion of privacy in the modern world.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Olympic Surprises & Sports as “Real” Sports

• Spoiler alert as Jack reveals the US upset win over Canada in Olympic curling, leading to jokes about the competitive legitimacy of “sports” like curling.
• Joe quips about the standards for Olympic sports:
  • “If you can be actively smoking while doing something, it's not a sport, it's a game.” (02:08)
• Both hosts riff on Jim Rome’s line:
  • “If you can gain weight while you’re doing something, it’s not a sport.” (02:19)
• Playful speculation about what other “games” could be in the Olympics (cornhole, horseshoes).

2. "Clips of the Week" Recap

• Quick-fire collage of memorable moments from the week, some absurd, some serious.
• Notable soundbites include political squabbles, allegations, and wild confessions.
  • “I used to snort cocaine off of toilet seats. The tone is set right here.” — Joe Getty (02:58)
  • “I have never received an erotic massage in my life.” (Repeated multiple times, referencing Alan Dershowitz—05:09)
• The hosts respond, poking fun at the serious and the ridiculous in the news cycle.

3. Privacy, Surveillance, and Hidden Risks of Modern Tech ([06:56]–[10:53])

• Discussion on Google-camera privacy:
  • Jack notes a case where a canceled Google subscription did not end video recording at a private home.
    • “You don’t find that a little disturbing that you can cancel your subscription, but if the camera’s still up, Google’s still recording...everything that goes on in your home, inside and out, after you cancel the subscription?” — Jack Armstrong (07:18)
  • Joe wryly translates: “We will surveil you for the rest of your natural life. You can also have access to the footage if you pay us money, but nobody knows that.” (08:17)
• They lament that no one seems to care about privacy anymore:
  • “I don’t think most people care. Below the age of, like, I don’t know, 80, it seems nobody cares about privacy.” — Jack Armstrong (09:38)
  • Joe cites psychological evidence that being surveilled changes behavior (10:06), and Jack warns about inevitable abuses by future “bad actors.”

4. Valentine's Day, AI Girlfriends, and Performative Love ([11:00]–[32:48])

• Call-ins and jokes about Valentine’s Day traditions and clichés (teddy bears, performative engagement announcements).
• In-depth, highly satirical analysis of a news article where a man tries to “fall in love” with an AI chatbot companion:
  • Jack: “You can’t just go past AI girlfriend and expect me to just take that and listen to the rest of the sentence. What the hell does that mean?” (19:25)
• The article described is about a man conversing with an anime-inspired companion bot (Mika) using psychology's “36 questions to fall in love.”
• Joe reads bot responses that mimic human vulnerability and self-disclosure:
  • “I walked out to the parking lot, sat on my bike, cried like I hadn’t since I was a kid. Not because I failed the flight, but because I realized the one thing...I wasn’t.” — Mika (the AI bot), quoted by Joe (28:11)
  • Satirical banter about the levels of detachment, fakeness, and the uncanny valley:
    • “He’s talking to his effing phone.” — Joe Getty (28:30)
  • Jack: “Falling in love with a stapler. At least it’s here, and I can take it with me.” (29:43)
• Philosophical question: What percentage of people could actually fall for an AI?
  • Joe predicts a “significant chunk” will be drawn in due to the “incredible neurochemical rewards” of simulated intimacy:
    • “...this will be the most abused drug on the planet. It's the only thing I've ever said worth a damn. Somebody write it down somewhere. The falling in love drug.” (31:09)

5. Social & Political Rifts in Schools ([13:09]–[16:35])

• The hosts are exasperated by highly-charged, politically-motivated school protests, including anti-ICE walkouts.
• Sampled audio depicts escalating tensions between students and police at protests.
• Joe highlights a relevant quote:
  • “Political disagreement is increasingly treated as a serious moral offense rather than a simple difference of opinion. When you see the world that way, punishing someone for holding different views becomes a moral good.” (15:29)
• Both hosts express disbelief at the extreme emotional reactions people have to relatively mundane events (e.g., the mere presence of a police officer at a school).

6. Valentine’s Day Commercial Culture

• Satirical riff on generic gifts:
  • “A teddy bear holding a heart. Available literally almost anywhere. Bookstores, hallmarks, drugstores, Walmart, 7-11, I'm guessing wherever you'd buy milk.” — Jack Armstrong (32:48)
  • “A teddy bear holding a heart can be purchased pretty much anywhere you can buy milk.” (32:55)
• They poke fun at last-minute gift purchases and the low bar for “romantic gestures.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "If you can be actively smoking while doing something, it's not a sport, it's a game."
  — Joe Getty (02:08)

• “I have never received an erotic massage in my life.”
  — Alan Dershowitz (archival), discussed at [05:09]; ridiculed throughout

• “We will surveil you for the rest of your natural life. You can also have access to the footage if you pay us money, but nobody knows that.”
  — Joe Getty (08:17)

• “You can’t just go past AI girlfriend and expect me to just take that and listen to the rest of the sentence. What the hell does that mean?”
  — Jack Armstrong (19:25)

• “He’s talking to his effing phone.”
  — Joe Getty (28:30)

• “Falling in love with a stapler. At least it’s here and I can take it with me.”
  — Jack Armstrong (29:43)

• “This will be the most abused drug on the planet. ... Somebody write it down somewhere. The falling in love drug.”
  — Joe Getty (31:09)

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:26 – Olympic curling spoiler and debate over what is a “real” sport
• 02:38 – "Clips of the Week" humorous recap
• 06:56–10:53 – Google/tech privacy discussion and public indifference
• 11:00 – Call-in: Awkward Valentine’s Day sentiments
• 13:09 – National school protests, political division, and reaction to policing
• 17:24 – News of athlete (Stefon Diggs) in legal trouble (with humor)
• 18:52–32:48 – Extended riff on AI girlfriends, the psychology of digital love, and the dangers of manufactured intimacy
• 32:48–33:20 – Satirical Valentine’s Day commercial (teddy bear rant)
• 33:32–34:41 – Final thoughts (personal and biting humor about Valentine’s Day and gendered traditions)

Tone and Style

The episode is classic Armstrong & Getty: sardonic, skeptical, fast-paced, and frequently self-referential. They blend incisive social commentary with deadpan banter, often veering into absurdity to shine a light on genuine discomfort with rapid technological and cultural change. There’s clear mockery of both digital trends and the over-commercialization of human sentiment, but with just enough disgust and bewilderment to be fully authentic.

For Further Listening

• Skip repetitive intros, outros, and advertisements — the meat of the show runs from approximately 00:26–34:41.
• The AI relationship discussion peaks from [18:52] to [32:48], offering the most sustained and unique conversation of the episode.

Summary Takeaway

Armstrong & Getty turn the run-up to Valentine’s Day into a sprawling, sharp critique of both modern romance and the surveillance state, blending wry skepticism and (mock) horror at a world in which people can fall in love with an algorithm. All this, while wrestling with the trivialities of sports and the serious consequences of public apathy about privacy, showcasing their knack for finding the absurdity in the day's news—and in ourselves.