Loading summary
Transcript212 lines
- [00:00]
Jack Armstrong
This is an iHeart podcast, Guaranteed Human.
- [00:04]
NFL Announcer
The NFL playoffs are here, and it all starts with wild card weekend powered by Verizon.
- [00:11]
Jack Armstrong
Man, it all comes down to this.
- [00:12]
NFL Announcer
12 teams, six games, three days, and one epic weekend.
- [00:18]
Joe Getty
My goodness.
- [00:19]
NFL Announcer
It's win or go home and every moment counts on the road to Super Bowl 60. It's a touchdown wild card weekend powered by Verizon. January 10th through 12th. Visit watch.NFL.com for the full schedule.
- [00:35]
Commercial Announcer
If you're an H Vac technician and a call comes in, Grainger knows that you need a partner that helps you find the right product fast and hassle free. And you know that when the first problem of the day is a clanking blower motor, there's no need to break a sweat. With Grainger's easy to use website and product details, you're confident you'll soon have everything humming right along. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickgrainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.
- [01:06]
Joe Getty
Broadcasting live from the Abraham Lincoln radio studio at the George Washington Broadcast Center, Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty. Armstrong and Getty. And now here's Armstrong and Getty.
- [01:26]
Jack Armstrong
Do you have that Hitler thing handy? I just came across Bill Malusian laying out the two Portland people that got shot by DHS yesterday. What their background is.
- [01:37]
Joe Getty
A married couple.
- [01:39]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah. Portrayed in the news as a young married couple shot by dhs, much like.
- [01:43]
Joe Getty
The Maryland father and Little league coach.
- [01:46]
Jack Armstrong
Now, regardless of what you are until you're proven guilty, you know, or even when you are proven guilty, they don't just get to shoot you. But you know, you still going to. But. But the media going out of their way to give everybody this sympathetic sheen whenever something goes wrong.
- [02:02]
Joe Getty
Here's how ABC News would have reported the end of World War II. The American forces surrounded the home of the vegetarian Austrian artist and his newlywed bride and so terrorized them that they were forced to commit suicide.
- [02:15]
Jack Armstrong
Wow. And they had just gotten married. That is so sad.
- [02:18]
Joe Getty
Well, they. The men with guns, they were running around the streets of Berlin and this poor vegetarian Austrian artist who is described as very, very gentle was terrorized into killing himself.
- [02:31]
Jack Armstrong
Loved dogs and children.
- [02:33]
Joe Getty
He did. He actually did. Yeah. So I try not to oversell things. I undersell them. But I was reading through the list of band names from last year that Marry in the Hoe has compiled and I had tears in my eyes. Good. Couldn't stop giggling. So stay tuned for that a little later on in the hour. Plus, the lifelong farmer running as a Democrat for the Senate in Arkansas, what her life has really been. Stay with us. First though, it's the Friday tradition. Let's take a fun look back at the week that was its cow Clips of the week. The United States Armed forces conducted an extraordinary military operation in the capital of Venezuela, Operation Absolute Resolve.
- [03:22]
Jack Armstrong
This was an audacious operation.
- [03:25]
Joe Getty
And you know, he's a violent guy. He gets up there and he tries to imitate my dance a little bit.
- [03:32]
Jack Armstrong
Nicolas Maduro had his chance. He effed around and he found out.
- [03:38]
Joe Getty
Iranian protesters taking to the streets of their country. And I have let them know that if they start killing people, which they tend to do during their riots, they have lots of riots. If they do it, we're going to hit them very hard.
- [03:52]
Jack Armstrong
Nobody's going to fight the United States militarily over the future of Greenland. One last question, Steven. Doesn't make any sense.
- [03:59]
Guest/Caller
No.
- [04:00]
Jack Armstrong
Shame, shame.
- [04:03]
Joe Getty
It was an act of domestic terrorism. I want to tell everybody directly that is bull. So it looked like she was impeding ICE vehicles. Definitely, yeah.
- [04:14]
Commercial Announcer
That was her goal.
- [04:15]
Joe Getty
They are agents of law enforcement. If you box them in with vehicles, it is reasonable for them to believe that they are being ambushed. Let note that law enforce enforcement professionals, real ones, not the fake made up ice, probably Trump's new army to attack citizens of the United States. Did you hear what I said? And I have a message for ICE to ice, get the out of Minneapolis. We will replace the frigidity of rugged individualism with the warmth of collectivism. Families, especially white families, but some POC families who are homeowners as well are going to have a different, different relationship to property than the one that we currently have.
- [05:03]
Guest/Caller
I want you to give me one.
- [05:04]
Joe Getty
Example of socialism you think working well somewhere. I think of Cuba in particular. But she gets into. What a great day this is going to be.
- [05:24]
Commercial Announcer
It's clips of the week.
- [05:27]
Jack Armstrong
Man, I hope we don't keep up this pace for 52 weeks.
- [05:34]
Joe Getty
Yeah, that whole Philadelphia sheriff lady saying that if ICE tries to conduct operations in Philadelphia, she'll arrest them.
- [05:43]
Jack Armstrong
How about her calling ICE Trump's personal fake army?
- [05:48]
Joe Getty
Army, yeah, yeah, that's nice, that's nice. Oh, we got a minute here. So why don't I go ahead and pay this off. Hallie Schoffner is running for senate in Arkansas.
- [05:59]
Jack Armstrong
U.S. senate.
- [06:00]
Joe Getty
Yeah, U.S. senate, yeah. She's a lifelong farmer who didn't have plans for run for office. She my whole life I've been a rice and soybean farmer. She says in her campaign video she's not a politician. She's not much for political parties. She never run for office in her life. The only thing Hallie ever wanted to do was farm. We the people on this farm. That's right, Mitt. Her campaign site Red well, she did grow up on her family's farm in eastern Arkansas. She but at the first possible minute, she headed off to grad school at the University of Arkansas Clinton School of Public Service, where she was drawn to activism. Left wing activism. She developed fundraising strategies for Prom Sex, a Soros funded social justice nonprofit in Peru. In a since deleted blog post, she touted marching in front of Lima's 9th Annual Gay Pride Parade, which the nonprofit funded. What's celebrating? Being gay, lesbian, transsexual, bisexual, etc.
- [06:59]
Jack Armstrong
What's the prom sex thing?
- [07:01]
Joe Getty
It's probably Spanish.
- [07:02]
Jack Armstrong
Has the like.
- [07:03]
Joe Getty
Yeah, right. She went on to serve as executive director of CES Puentes, an Arkansas nonprofit that helps illegal immigrants navigate US government systems, get some lawyers, etc. After a stint as the deputy campaign manager of a Democratic state legislature's unsuccessful campaign for mayor, Little Roche, he joined an advertising in public relations agency in 2013 and has been doing that for the past dozen years. But around that time, she started working with a local marketing firm to build a new personal brand, Farm Her Halle. And they're portraying her as a lifelong farmer. There she is in her work shirt. She never wanted to do anything but farm. Her blogs, meanwhile, featured headlines like what to do about Climate Anxiety and I'm a Big Ag Farmer and I Advise Advocate for Climate Action. All right, okay, fine. That's the state of politics these days. But you know, that's what you're doing. You're selling a TV character.
- [08:05]
Jack Armstrong
One of the best things you could do for climate, we've been saying for some time, is nuclear power. Well, Mark Zuckerberg's Meta just made the biggest private purchase of nuclear power ever. They think he signed these contracts to buy a whole bunch of nuclear power from a couple of different power companies in the country. Nuclear power plants. Because he needs to be able to fuel his AI ambitions.
- [08:28]
Joe Getty
Yes. Nukes.
- [08:29]
Jack Armstrong
Yes. That's interesting. How are you doing on Quitters Day? That's what they call January 9th. That is the typical day that people have given up their New year's resolution by January 9th. I have not. I have not had a dessert or a sweet and I've been in the gym every day. So. So far so good.
- [08:46]
Joe Getty
Although it is every day.
- [08:47]
Jack Armstrong
Look at you very early going model.
- [08:51]
Joe Getty
For the for mankind.
- [08:54]
Jack Armstrong
It helps that I Can walk to the gym quite easily. That makes a huge difference and hasn't helped me. Quitters Day, January 9th. People don't make it very long then with their New Year's resolutions. I mean, a week and two days is not very longer than that.
- [09:13]
Joe Getty
We committed to two weeks of a dry January anyway and see how it goes after that. See what we think. But I said to her yesterday, I said, you know, today's the first day. It was kind of a long, crappy day. I said, you know, today's first day. I thought, you know, nice scotch would be good to unwind with. She said, well, we made it a week. We could.
- [09:31]
Jack Armstrong
And I'm like, wait a minute now.
- [09:33]
Joe Getty
You'Re the disciplined one. No, you're not allowed to say that. I'm the whiner.
- [09:39]
Jack Armstrong
I haven't heard as much about dry January this year as I normally do. I wonder if it's because drinking's down among certain crowds, so you don't need to do dry January if you're not drinking.
- [09:48]
Joe Getty
Well, and I remember that, you know, dry January last year was joined by sober October after dry January, and I have no brewery. And then Dry Arch, then Lame Pro.
- [10:05]
Jack Armstrong
How about no Fun June or something like that would be a name. No drinking.
- [10:11]
Joe Getty
Yeah.
- [10:11]
Jack Armstrong
So you're doing two weeks again. I haven't heard as much about it this year. I thought a dry January has been really big for quite a few years now.
- [10:20]
Joe Getty
I would agree. Yeah. A handful of my friends have mentioned that they. They too are. Are doing it or at least part of it. You know, as a guy who drinks, it's good to reset every so often for a number of reasons. Number one is good for your body. Number two, I am bad at relaxing unless I have a drink. I'm also aware that it is the greatest boredom reliever on earth. And instead of maybe reaching for the sketch, maybe I do something worth doing is the conversation I've had with myself, particularly in the evenings. So it's a good reset for me. Speaking for myself.
- [10:58]
Jack Armstrong
Well, and for average normal drinkers though, you go through that couple of period there, Thanksgiving through Christmas, there's just so many more opportunities to drink. It's definitely easy to. Same as with calories or anything else, just get off your norm.
- [11:16]
Joe Getty
Right, right. Those people, I don't know what their lives are like. People who like only drink it occasions and stuff.
- [11:25]
Jack Armstrong
But as opposed to home alone, muttering.
- [11:28]
Joe Getty
To yourself angrily in the dark, according.
- [11:32]
Jack Armstrong
To the New York Times, the top stuff at the Consumer Electronics show, they're all actually Pretty interesting. I've read it over already. And then we've got our end of the year lists that we should have done on the last show of the year, but did not. We're going to do them today, so stay tuned.
- [11:47]
Joe Getty
Armstrong and Getty.
- [11:49]
NFL Announcer
The NFL playoffs are here and it all starts with Wild card weekend powered by Verizon.
- [11:56]
Jack Armstrong
Man, it all comes down to this.
- [11:57]
NFL Announcer
12 teams, six games, three days, and one epic weekend.
- [12:03]
Joe Getty
My goodness.
- [12:04]
NFL Announcer
It's win or go home and every moment counts on the road to Super Bowl 60. It's a touchdown wild card weekend powered by Verizon. January 10th through 12th. Visit watch NFL.com for the full schedule.
- [12:19]
Jack Armstrong
I was looking over the stuff they like at the Consumer Electronics show, and they're just showing a couple of speakers they like and reminded me yesterday my son and I were driving around in his truck, his old truck that he's got, that the radio doesn't work in it. So he brings his little portable speaker and sets it on the seat and plays it off his phone. And that thing sounds better than any car stereo I ever had in any car for, like, until I was like 40. The, the, the little speakers has gotten so good. It's amazing. And they don't, they don't have to be expensive. I got one at Target last year, this tiny little one, it was like 28 bucks.
- [12:54]
Joe Getty
Sounds amazing.
- [12:56]
Jack Armstrong
I don't know how they've done this, but that's, that's one of the great leap forwards in technology. No doubt. Algorithms must, must be. The Consumer Electronics show is going on right now. We talked a little bit ago about, the New York Times said 2026 is the year of the bad robot at the CES. It's just all kinds of robots not quite doing what they claim they're going to be able to do or doing things you can't. You know, why do you need them like the one that plays table tennis with you? But I'm sure they're going to get better, but we're not there yet. One of the things they really, really liked, something called Clicks Communicator. It looks like a BlackBerry with a slightly bigger screen than BlackBerry's used to have. For people who miss the physical keyboard and would like to have a screen that isn't actively trying to waste your time. I find that interesting. So you feel like, like the same reason I don't want to keep cookies in the house, because I'll eat them. You think if you got a smaller screen where it's not that enjoyable to look at, it you'll look at it less. Right?
- [13:58]
Joe Getty
I get it all the communication function when you need to communicate without the. Hey, hey. How about a little entertainment? A little distraction, a little endorphin, a little entertainment. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
- [14:09]
Jack Armstrong
Wonder what's going on over YouTube anyway. They really liked this phone. Thought that was a good idea. A stair climbing robot vacuum that is basically, you know, like a Roomba sort of thing. But it can go up and down stairs and clean the stairs. Which is, it points out, is one of the most annoying things you ever do in life is vacuuming stairs.
- [14:29]
Joe Getty
I have two questions. How much and where do I buy one? And I don't care about the first question.
- [14:34]
Jack Armstrong
Release date and price to be announced. But it's the robot.
- [14:38]
Joe Getty
Doesn't matter. Ship me one now. Rover Robovac.
- [14:41]
Jack Armstrong
No kidding. I, I, when I used to do this, like for my mom, the vacuuming stairs. Why is that so hard? You got to carry it up and down. It's too wide to fit on the stair.
- [14:52]
Joe Getty
It's just, you got to go horse horizontal and then you turn it vertical to do the edges and then, then you've got the, never mind the rise, the, the vertical thing between the stairs. If you've got carpet on there, it gets nasty. Yeah, you gotta, then you gotta twist the thing sideways and it's time consuming anyway.
- [15:08]
Jack Armstrong
This thing looks pretty cool. It's got legs on it and it just fits on your stairs. I like the sound of this. LG has debuted their wallpaper tv. They've had this for several years, but this is the first year like it's actual usable, good quality. It's a third of an inch thick. That's what they call, why they call it wallpaper. I mean, that's hardly anything. And it's 4K OLED TV that sits flush against the wall and absolutely looks fantastic. So that's pretty cool. I like the sound of that. Again, price and release date to be announced. A number of different lamps that are supposed to be good for you. This orb thing that kind of looks like a small version of the sun and changes the kind of light it has throughout the day. It's got blue light in the morning to help wake you up. And then it switches to the kind of light that will help you get to sleep later in the day. Sounds kind of cool. Not super expensive. A lot of people have talking about Legos for the first time ever have made a major change. And now they have little smart blocks that light up and stuff. If your Kids dig that. They dig that.
- [16:13]
Joe Getty
Well, I think that's probably every bit as much for your. Your 20 somethings and 30 somethings are into the expensive adult Legos.
- [16:19]
Jack Armstrong
All right, you weirdos who are still doing legos when you're 28 years old.
- [16:23]
Joe Getty
Listen to Judgy McJudgy.
- [16:24]
Jack Armstrong
Damn right I'm judging, isn't it?
- [16:27]
Joe Getty
Calm down. Activity. Nice hobby. Yeah.
- [16:30]
Jack Armstrong
Hey ladies. You walk into the house and he's got a giant 800 DOL Lego Starship Enterprise. You ain't having kids with this dude. Turn around, walk out.
- [16:42]
Joe Getty
Yeah, you're right.
- [16:45]
Jack Armstrong
Kind of like the sound. It's funny. There are several products on here that are basically trying to get you away from your smartphone. So here's a sleep tracking podcast playing Sunrise Alarm Clock that isn't your phone. So it does all the things your phone does for you in bed while you keep it near you. My iPhone's my alarm clock. My iPhone is my podcasts. My iPhone is a number of different things. Let me know the weather. This thing does all those things, but doesn't have the screen. So you can keep your iPhone, keep your phone plugged into the kitchen, have this thing in your bedroom. You won't be tempted to look at the screen. It's interesting that people are making devices that make it somewhat more difficult to use your favorite device you waste the most time on. Yeah, because we all kind of want the discipline but can't do it ourselves. I find that unique. I wonder if that's ever happened before.
- [17:42]
Joe Getty
Well, and I think, and I'm heartened to hear the awareness of the downside of smartphones and social media are becoming more and more obvious to people. That's good.
- [17:53]
Jack Armstrong
The best robot lawnmower that has ever been debuted was debuted. We've talked about this a little bit. The Roborock once again coming through. As a company. It uses lidar like some of your best self driving cars do, to go around your lawn and in theory not run over your cat and shred it into tiny pieces or take your feet off.
- [18:11]
Joe Getty
Cat ought to get out of the way.
- [18:13]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah, exactly.
- [18:13]
Joe Getty
So I'm the cat.
- [18:14]
Jack Armstrong
Just like that lady in Minneapolis. Get out.
- [18:17]
Joe Getty
You know, don't put yourself in that position.
- [18:20]
Jack Armstrong
Put yourself in a bad position. And a couple more smart rings popular. Smart rings still be popular. Fitbits, that sort of thing. Thing wearables as have been popular for several years. Yes.
- [18:35]
Joe Getty
Katie, I just, I just read an article about how those sleep tracker rings are causing people to stress out so much about their sleep. That they're losing sleep.
- [18:44]
Jack Armstrong
I've heard about that, too. Yeah.
- [18:48]
Joe Getty
Armstrong and Gettysburg.
- [18:51]
NFL Announcer
The NFL playoffs are here and it all starts with Wild Card weekend powered by Verizon.
- [18:57]
Jack Armstrong
Man, it all comes down to this.
- [18:58]
NFL Announcer
12 teams, six games, three days and one epic weekend.
- [19:04]
Joe Getty
My goodness.
- [19:05]
NFL Announcer
It's win or go home and every moment counts on the road to Super Bowl 60. It's a touchdown wild card weekend powered by Verizon. January 10th 12th. Visit watch.NFL.com for the full schedule.
- [19:20]
Jack Armstrong
Do you have any interest in the intramural fighting between the Tucker Carlson's and Megyn Kelly's and Ben Shapiro's and all those different people, a lot of them whom we used to be friends and now saying bad things about each other?
- [19:31]
Joe Getty
Some, yeah, I pay a little attention to it, Tucker. It's very online, it's interesting.
- [19:37]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah, Tucker put a big video out where he's playing clips of Shapiro and Mark Levin and Megyn Kelly and then criticizing Bubba. I might watch that today.
- [19:47]
Joe Getty
Yeah, I saw Mark Levin take a shot at Megyn Kelly and Tucker at one point.
- [19:52]
Jack Armstrong
Oh, and then the the best one if you want to get way out to the the crazies. Candace and what's his name who's for some reason I can't ever remember his name. The General Alex Jones that isn't that weird that I've got a metal block with his name?
- [20:05]
Joe Getty
That is funny.
- [20:05]
Jack Armstrong
Alex Jones and Candace owns turned on each other and it's hilarious. But anyway, more on that next week.
- [20:11]
Joe Getty
Need to get into this. So usually on the last show of the year, while we're doing the clips of the year, we also do the various lists that Mary in San Jose, affectionately known as Mary in the Hoe, compiles, including the band names we came up with, et cetera. And I forgot to look for it in our giant stack of email and sure enough, we forgot to do it. So we're going to do it now. Quick aside her PS to my apology that we didn't do it, says a friend of mine who, unbeknownst to me, also listens to your show, figured out that I am marrying the hoe. So shout out to Sam for being quite the detective and putting all the pieces together. It was pretty wild when someone irl, as the kids say, asked me, does the name Mary in the Hoe mean anything to you?
- [20:54]
Jack Armstrong
That's fantastic.
- [20:56]
Joe Getty
Yeah, it's like a spy movie or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so here are the bad names we came up with in 2025 and and by the by, just A personal note. We more than occasionally get an email. Guys, you missed a good band name yesterday. Blah, blah, blah. Speaking for myself, I didn't miss it. I just picked my spots. Anyway, here are the band names we came up with in 2025. Plague of the Killer Squirrels. Nuisance Beavers. That's a good one. Glitter Beard. They play YMCA a lot. Oh, and the notes are things we said at the time that very dutifully jots down the Beavers of Prague. You smoke dope and follow them around. Even if they go to Moscow to play. Squealing Corn Pigs. Masculinist Orgy of War. Katie saw them at the Warfield.
- [21:50]
Jack Armstrong
Yes, I guess she said.
- [21:51]
Joe Getty
Belgrade Sound Cannon. Tijuana Runoff. Flaming Puppies. That's my punk band that never got a record deal. Chinatown Paintbrush. Remote Controlled Dogs.
- [22:02]
Jack Armstrong
Chinatown Paintbrush. I always, whenever I hear these, I think I wonder, what were we talking about? What was in the news that caused this to happen?
- [22:08]
Joe Getty
Well. Right, right, right. And some of these actually are really good band names. Remote Control Dogs. The Generous Teat Meth Pipe Raccoons. Cameroon Puppies. They're good, but so loud. Bring Earplugs. Screen Wieners. Cesspool of Debauchery. Jack's going to see them Friday. Shabby Hags. Ambiguous Genitalia. Docker Chubbies. That's my yacht rock band that's booked through the end of the year because people love the yacht rock.
- [22:37]
Jack Armstrong
Or Chubbies.
- [22:39]
Joe Getty
That doesn't seem like the right name.
- [22:40]
Jack Armstrong
For that kind of music.
- [22:42]
Joe Getty
I think it's perfect. Robot Wolves. Vultures of Exploitation. Fat Admirals. Hanson designed a logo for the Fat Admirals.
- [22:51]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah, I remember that.
- [22:52]
Joe Getty
Let's see. The Coughing Monkeys. Jack's new band that plays at 8 o' clock on Monday. Japanese Bear Attack. My band. And the logo is a samurai wielding a sword in defense against. Japanese Bear Attack. Pig Kidney. Photo Dogs. Oh, I'm sorry. Proto Dogs. Which is a good name. I would use that name for a band. An Exploding Lung. My heavy metal band. Then they're. Then there.
- [23:18]
Jack Armstrong
You gotta play heavy music if your name is Exploding Lungs.
- [23:23]
Joe Getty
No kidding. Book titles. Valerian Root. That's my spy novel. Too old for Toast. The sad final chapter of Jack's book. The Bulk of America. My book about the obesity. Obesity epidemic. Shooting for a B. The Jack Armstrong Story. And focus. Try to focus. The Joe Getty story, which of course would be Ghost Written. Can't. And then, let's see. There's never been a moment in my life that I haven't wanted to Lie Down, Katie's memoir, which is actually a quote from Eric Clapton. Right, Jack?
- [23:55]
Jack Armstrong
I think so, yeah.
- [23:56]
Joe Getty
From back in the day. And Mediocrity Like a Warm Bath. Michelangelo's autobiography. Album titles All About Tariffs. Joe's concept album that he's working on with Beyonce. Drag queen Meteor, Katie's new album, first one, Nuke the Moon and Springboard to the Stars. Song titles. Dancing Close to a King, my synth single that dropped next week. Okay, original air names we came up with included or claimed that were our original air names. Deranged and problematic. Checkered by Failure. The Armstrong and Yeti Show. Imperious and condescending. Bruised and oozing, Bedlam and squalor. We got good ratings and driven by humiliation. The Armstrong and Getty show, no doubt. Miscellaneous Judge Jack in Medieval justice, his midday judge show. Funky URL. Jack's rap stage name Axe Murdering Perverts. My B movie from my film producing days. Oh boy, oh man. Wheezy Lungs is my jazz. Wheezy Lungs is my jazz solo stage name. Golden Muscles, My nickname in college. A World Without Lettuce. Jack's one man play that never caught on. I'll refer to myself, Joe in the third person because it's funnier. Little Jiggles, Joe's drag queen name when he reads to children at libraries. Little Jiggles. Good Lord. Departure to Hell. Joe's screenplay about travel horrors. P. Doom. Joe's rap name. And Chi Chi's Palace. Joe's chimp sitcom where the monkey has a couple drinks every day. Oh, my God. And then, ladies and gentlemen, brace yourself. I'm going to go quickly here. Mary in San Jose compiled all of these things Jack says he has never done in the year 2025. Never seen band of Brothers. Never heard the medical term tid. I think it's tia, isn't it? I don't know. Never had a hot or cold pastrami sandwich.
- [26:05]
Jack Armstrong
True.
- [26:06]
Joe Getty
Never heard one person in his life growing up even mention. But strawberry sandwich.
- [26:14]
Jack Armstrong
That's true.
- [26:15]
Joe Getty
Never had strawberry ice cream. Call the police. Never been in a room with two people like Elon and Vivek. Never been to a Super Bowl. Never been to the Louvre. You have been to the Louvre, haven't you?
- [26:26]
Jack Armstrong
No, I've not. That's the one big museum in the world I haven't been to.
- [26:30]
Joe Getty
Never wanted to stand in line to see the Mona Lisa. Never saw Shawshank Redemption. But he finally saw it.
- [26:36]
Jack Armstrong
I did.
- [26:37]
Joe Getty
That's correct.
- [26:37]
Jack Armstrong
Knocked that off the list.
- [26:39]
Joe Getty
Did you like it?
- [26:40]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah, it's pretty powerful. Obviously.
- [26:42]
Joe Getty
Never shoplifted. Never heard of Cholula hot sauce and neither had Michael. Never burned his tongue on a lava cake. Never had a chicken bacon garlic pizza. Never understood texture as a concept in food. Never had a filet o fish. Never looked at the ag website. Never seen a minute of Game of Thrones. Never seen a second of Yellowstone. Never done a crunch. Never seen the inside of an iPhone. Pretty obvious.
- [27:07]
Jack Armstrong
I've never done a crunch.
- [27:09]
Joe Getty
Never been on a cruise. Never wanted to take off his shoes on an airplane. Never read the Cane Mutiny. Never had a strawberry milkshake. Never been to France. Never went to Paris. Never seen an Only Fans account. Never seen a regular movie and imax. Never done paintball. Never driven a Ferrari. Never gotten down to one peg on the wooden triangle game at Cracker Barrel.
- [27:26]
Jack Armstrong
True.
- [27:27]
Joe Getty
Still, never had Taco Bell. Never flown Spirit Airlines. Never paid for landscaping. Never had a pap smear. Never been on Blue Sky. Never craved vegetable. Never used peppermint as an illness remedy. Never been to a protest. Never had a Chandos Taco. Never used a coaster. Never saw the West Wing. Never saw Game of Thrones. I've never used a coaster.
- [27:43]
Jack Armstrong
No, I haven't done.
- [27:44]
Joe Getty
And he's never had a pap smear. Geez, Jack, I thought I was boring, but you're really boring. Taking a chance with your health and finally even heard anybody mention a pastrami sandwich in my life. Which is true. Grown up. Yeah. Yeah. Things. Things were that were revealed about Gladys last year.
- [28:04]
Jack Armstrong
Right.
- [28:05]
Joe Getty
It's a fairly shortish list, but well worth sharing. She renewed her contract when Jack and Joe did her new deal requires her to show up for the podcast. Also missed a day when she got eye surgery. Her glasses got too thick, she couldn't hold her head up. Went to school in a horse drawn carriage. Yeah. Had to make a list of five things.
- [28:27]
Jack Armstrong
Who.
- [28:27]
Joe Getty
Who was this? Elon Musk. Insisted that everybody in the government make a list of the five things they'd done to justify their job. Anyway, so here's one of the things we learned about Gladys. Our harpist had to make a list of five things she did last week. And all five were. I played the harp while someone was reminiscing.
- [28:45]
Jack Armstrong
That's true.
- [28:47]
Joe Getty
Used to play the pipe organ at the Polo Grounds when Willie Mays made the catch. Let's see. She's been very shy ever since the Kaiser dumped her. And finally she played the snare drum when the troops came home in 1918.
- [28:59]
Jack Armstrong
That's true. Fantastic.
- [29:00]
Joe Getty
Thank you Mary in the ho.
- [29:01]
Jack Armstrong
Thank you, Gladys.
- [29:03]
Joe Getty
Never mind a T shirt. We should send her a car.
- [29:05]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah, that's very nice you to do that for us.
- [29:08]
Joe Getty
Oh my God. I got tears in my eyes.
- [29:13]
Jack Armstrong
Atlas is always surprising to me and I'm me of things I've never done, but it's a.
- [29:20]
Joe Getty
I suppose I could come up with my own, but there aren't. I don't think there are that many.
- [29:23]
Jack Armstrong
Well, I'm more.
- [29:24]
Joe Getty
Well, there are some certainly obviously more.
- [29:26]
Jack Armstrong
Rigid than your average person.
- [29:28]
Joe Getty
Yeah.
- [29:29]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah. We will finish strong. We promise.
- [29:32]
Joe Getty
Next, Armstrong and Getty.
- [29:37]
Guest/Caller
I don't have an aversion to chewing, but I have an aversion to the weird textures that come with food. I do not see snorting my food as a problem. I think it has a lot of benefits. No risk of choking. I don't overeat. I consume less calories. I have had bloody noses about once or twice and that was more at the beginning. It has really no drawbacks, except nobody accepts my habit. Nobody accepts me for who I am.
- [30:05]
Jack Armstrong
That's from the television show My Strange Addiction. A woman who snorts her food rather than swallowing it. I don't know how you don't suck it down in your lungs and die.
- [30:14]
Joe Getty
Yeah, there's no risk of choking. She says put her in a roadside stand and charge a bucket.
- [30:23]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah. I mean, come on. Yeah. Next to a two headed calf. Yeah, that's what she should be doing. Oh, God. By the way, we got this text from a longtime listener. Oh my God.
- [30:32]
Joe Getty
Lol.
- [30:33]
Jack Armstrong
The pastrami sandwich. This is my favorite. This is my favorite thing. Every year for 26 years. I don't know how long we've been doing it, but it.
- [30:40]
Joe Getty
I'm so sad. I'm sorry, so sorry we missed it.
- [30:42]
Jack Armstrong
That person has been listening for a long time.
- [30:45]
Joe Getty
I've never even heard anybody bring up a pastrami sandwich when I was growing up. He said famously.
- [30:52]
Jack Armstrong
That's right. If you want to be freaked out, follow the Twitter feed. And they probably just have a website, OSINT Defender. That's open source intelligence. Defender. It'll. It'll freak you out because they keep track of all the open source intelligence that's floating around in the world. And there's lots of it out there, but like scary updates from all over the place. Ukraine, Iran, China, wherever. Our own government. Here's one of them. And. Well, one of them is they're expecting a pretty heavy crackdown tonight in Iran. And one quote on here about many, many people being shot in Tehran last night. Lots of horrific claims being made by Iranian opposition channels this morning. You know, you don't know whether they're true or not. They have reasons, good reasons to exaggerate.
- [31:47]
Joe Getty
Sure.
- [31:48]
Jack Armstrong
Following last night's anti government protests with reports of a heavy crackdown by security forces in Tehran, channels on telegram claim the security forces opened fire on crowds with live ammunition, killing dozens, with one opposition correspondent claiming that a doctor said the death toll was higher than the civilian casualties during the 12 Day War with Israel. So more people died during this than fighting Israel, which might very well be.
- [32:11]
Joe Getty
True and worth mentioning whether it's a foreign government or a terrorist group or whatever. They study American media, they study American society. And you know, the 5pm Friday news dump, the mullahs know that's a thing. They will go wild on their citizens on a Friday night in the U.S. wow. Knowing that most people won't pay attention to the news, Trump will. But they, that's a thing. They know it.
- [32:37]
Jack Armstrong
Listen to this though. Senior officials and this is a, this, this is a legit website. I mean, a lot of people we really, really, really like, follow Osint. Senior officials in the Trump administration have discussed sending lump sum payments to Greenlanders as part of a way to get them to agree to the United States. I don't know, being their baby daddy or whatever. We're going to be ranging from $10,000 to $100,000 per person, depending on how.
- [33:10]
Joe Getty
Many, what seals they have as a.
- [33:12]
Jack Armstrong
Bid to convince them to secede.
- [33:14]
Joe Getty
Their mukluks are.
- [33:16]
Jack Armstrong
I don't think that it would vary from person to person. I think it's like how much would it take to give everybody, to get them, to get enough of them to vote to secede from Denmark and join the United States?
- [33:27]
Joe Getty
Hey baby, show me your mukluks.
- [33:29]
Jack Armstrong
Four sources familiar with the matter told Reuters. That would be a pretty damn cheap way to do it. And I mean, what the hell did it cost taxpayers to do what we did in Venezuela? Not knocking the operation, but as just a cost. If we could have gotten the same result by cutting everybody a $50,000 checko. But it would have been cheaper. Not everybody in that country because it's 30 million people, but in Greenland, where they got 40,000 people, it won't work.
- [33:56]
Joe Getty
It wouldn't work.
- [33:57]
Jack Armstrong
Why?
- [33:58]
Joe Getty
But it's a step in the right direction.
- [34:00]
Jack Armstrong
Cutting everybody a $50,000 check. $100,000 check might do the trick. No, no, no.
- [34:06]
Joe Getty
Dang it. No. That's why I'm the Secretary of State of the Armstrong and Getty show. And you're not.
- [34:11]
Jack Armstrong
I'm living in Greenland with my penguin companion and, I don't know, living off whale oil.
- [34:17]
Joe Getty
I assume that's what they do, but no, no. Trump is threatening them, our friends, and now you want to bribe them and buy them off. These people have pride. They've got Greenland pride. You approach him as a friend with some respect, not like they're God dang street corner prostitute. Goodness sakes. Hey, kids, it's that time again with Armstrong and Getty.
- [34:47]
Jack Armstrong
Get over yourself. You live on a cold rock.
- [34:50]
Joe Getty
Whatever.
- [34:52]
Jack Armstrong
Here's your host for final thoughts, Joe Getty.
- [34:54]
Joe Getty
Oh, my goodness, so many. Let's get a final thought from everybody on the crew to wrap up things for the day. There he is, our technical director. Michelangelo, lead us off. Yeah, Jack, this is an intervention. Find yourself a good deli on the way home. Maybe find a nice hot pastrami sandwich and enjoy it.
- [35:09]
Jack Armstrong
It. If I ever do get one, I do want to get a really good one.
- [35:13]
Joe Getty
It is beef.
- [35:14]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah, and I like beef.
- [35:15]
Joe Getty
Come on, it is beef.
- [35:16]
Jack Armstrong
I didn't know that till just now. Pastrami is beef.
- [35:21]
Joe Getty
Education of Jack A. Katie Green, our esteemed newswoman. As a final thought, Katie, after this week, I am manifesting that next week will be just a little less chaotic.
- [35:32]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah, no kidding.
- [35:33]
Joe Getty
Manifest the best you got, sweetheart. Good lord, what a world we live in. Jack, final thought.
- [35:39]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah, my final thought was going to be similar in that if this is the start of 26, kind of reminds me within like everybody's waiting for 2020 to get over and 2021 started out crazier than 2020. We might have that thing going on this year.
- [35:53]
Joe Getty
An annus horribilis. I agree. My final thought is that Philly sheriff saying ICE agents are fake cops and the Philly Sheriff's Department is going to fight him. More or less. I hope not. Somebody's got to get to her. She's got to get to her lawyer. You can't say stuff like that as a public official.
- [36:13]
Jack Armstrong
Yeah, that could get really ugly really fast. These are weird times. Man, what a start to the year. Week one.
- [36:21]
Joe Getty
Yikes.
- [36:21]
Jack Armstrong
Armstrong and Getty wrapping up another grueling four year, four hour workday.
- [36:25]
Joe Getty
Seemed like it. So many people who. Thanks. So little time. Go to armstrong.com for the hot links for Katie's Cornerstrong us a note. If you hear something over the weekend we ought to be talking about or you see it, send it along. Mailbag. Armstrong and getty.com. you ought to be subscribing to the podcast Armstrong and Getty on Demand and give us glowing 5 star review. It helps with the algorithms.
- [36:43]
Jack Armstrong
I'm hoping next week is boring and we're taking calls on. Tell us about your first car. We'll see you Monday. God bless America.
- [36:50]
Joe Getty
Armstrong and Getty. Our week has ended. The first of the year and oh my God, it was like a punch in the ear. But just remember, ditch your dismay cause Jack and Joe will return on Monday. Subscribe to the podcast Armstrong and Getty on Demand. The Armstrong and Getty this is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.