Let's Disappear, Change Our Names & Live Our Lives...

Summary

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Armstrong & Getty On Demand

Episode: Let's Disappear, Change Our Names & Live Our Lives...

Date: September 2, 2025
Duration: ~11 minutes
Host: iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This episode explores a deeply philosophical, relatable urge: the desire to abandon current obligations and identities to pursue a new life. Spurred by a bumper sticker (“Let’s disappear, change our names & live our lives”), the conversation wades into the nature of self-delusion versus painful honesty, referencing Woody Allen, Bill Maher, and playwright Eugene O’Neill. With humor and candor, Armstrong and Getty probe whether self-deception might be necessary for happiness and ask: How much illusion is healthy, and how much reality can we actually bear?

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Allure of Starting Over

• Bumper Sticker as Catalyst
  • B (Armstrong): “Let’s disappear, change our names and live the life we really want to live.” [01:04]
  • Discusses seeing this on a bumper sticker and feeling its immediate appeal.
  • Raises the question: Is this urge universal, or only for some?
• Escaping Routine
  • B reflects on vacation moments:
    • “Practically every vacation… I get away from the daily grind and then I start to think… I’ve messed up my life. Why am I living my life the way it is?” [01:56]
    • Imagines small-town simplicity as an alternative.

2. Idealization Versus Reality of “Starting Over”

• Porch Sitting
  • C (Getty): “Porch sitting is a time honored pastime.” [02:31]
  • B’s friend jokes he'd last six minutes as a porch-sitter.
• Realities of Change
  • Both hosts recognize the fantasy often collapses under scrutiny—real contentment is more complex than merely relocating or rebranding oneself.

3. Illusion versus Brutal Honesty in Human Happiness

• Woody Allen & Bill Maher Interview
  • B recounts an interview where Allen describes his life as unremarkable, not searching for existential meaning.
    • “I make movies and then I mostly watch sports and old TV shows. That’s my life.” [03:22]
• Eugene O’Neill’s Paradoxical Quote
  • “A life with illusions is unpardonable. But a life without illusions is unbearable.” [03:17]
  • Bill Maher and Allen agree: self-delusion is intrinsic to survival.
  • B reflects: “We all lie to ourselves… because you couldn’t handle it if you didn’t.” [04:30]

4. Shaping Our Own Narratives

• Memory as Self-Deception
  • B: “We change memories throughout the years to better fit our narrative… just the human condition.” [06:22]
  • Raises issue of subjective memory even within a family ("We all have different versions of a couple of different things that happened… we all remember them differently…” [06:53])
• C: “It’s like every time you remember something, you’re remembering your last memory of it. It’s like playing a game of telephone—with yourself.” [07:23]

5. Examples and Limits of Healthy Self-Delusion

• Confidence and Self-Perception
  • C: “A good example is people thinking they’re more attractive than they are… you’re better off being a little more confident than you probably deserve to be.” [05:25]
  • B: Raises cases where self-delusion can be harmful (“…someone who considers themselves a good parent who is most definitely not…” [08:09])
• Striking the Balance
  • The hosts agree some self-delusion is necessary, but unchecked can be dangerous, especially in relationships and self-assessment.

6. Personality, Control, and Acceptance

• Immutable Traits
  • B: “You don’t have a whole lot of control over your personality. I don’t know what percentage you do, but it ain’t a ton.” [09:47]
  • C: Too much self-contemplation “will make you insane.” [09:56]
  • Sometimes, it’s healthier to keep things “in soft focus.”

7. Contemporary Reference

• Does Trump Ever Worry About This?
  • B: “Does Trump ever worry about any of that? Does he just plow forward and have a pretty happy life because of it?” [10:33]
  • C: Thinks Trump’s unreflective nature may contribute to his happiness.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Temptation to Flee:
  • “Let’s disappear, change our names and live the life we really want to live. …I saw that on a bumper sticker once and it hit me like a ton of bricks.” – B [01:04]
• On Human Psychology:
  • “A life with illusions is unpardonable. But a life without illusions is unbearable.” – B (quoting Eugene O’Neill) [03:17, 08:09]
  • “We all lie to ourselves to a certain extent… you couldn’t handle it if you didn’t.” – B [04:30]
• On Memory:
  • “It’s like every time you remember something, you’re remembering your last memory of it. It’s like playing a game of telephone—with yourself.” – C [07:23]
• Comic Relief:
  • C jokes about a memory: “I was having sex with Farrah Fawcett… she said, ‘Joe, we remember things to make ourselves happy. So I want you to remember this in a way that makes you happy.’ And I still do.” [07:47]
• On Self-Reflection:
  • “Self contemplation constantly will make you insane.” – C [09:56]
  • “At some point, just get stuff done.” – C [10:10]
• On Personality:
  • “You don’t have a whole lot of control over your own personality… it ain’t a ton.” – B [09:47]

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Key Timestamps

• [01:04] – The bumper sticker sparks the theme: fantasy of starting anew.
• [03:17] – Introduction of Eugene O’Neill’s quote; core philosophical question.
• [06:22] – Discussion of malleable memory and shifting narratives.
• [07:47] – Memorable Farrah Fawcett joke illustrating happy self-delusion.
• [08:09] – Applied example: deluded self-assessment in parenting.
• [09:47] – Limits of control over one’s personality.
• [10:33] – Trump's oblivious happiness as a case study.

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Tone

The hosts mix philosophical depth with characteristic humor and self-deprecation, inviting listeners to both contemplate and laugh at the quirks of human nature. The conversation balances relatable personal anecdotes with big-picture reflections, always maintaining an informal, approachable style.

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For listeners interested in the intersection of psychology, philosophy, and everyday life—with plenty of wit—this episode probes why the grass sometimes seems greener, why we cling to our self-constructed stories, and how illusions, paradoxically, help keep us sane.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Let's disappear, change our names and live the life we really want to live. It's one more thing. Armstrong and Getty One more thing.

[C]

Whoa, Heavy.

[B]

I saw that on a bumper sticker once and it hit me like a ton of bricks. And I've thought about it many times why that is that appealing to everyone when they see that, or only some of us.

[C]

I would guess it's pretty universal.

[B]

The. At least the impulse briefly before you think about it much. To just chuck it all and start over and live the life you really want to live. It would take a while to get to that and figure out what that is, by the way.

[C]

Well, yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say. Do you know what that is? Congratulations. If so.

[B]

Well. So this happens to me like practically every vacation where I'm on vacation and I get away from the daily grind and I. And then I start to think at some point like I'm doing it all wrong. I've messed up my life. I mean, I've just. Why am I living my life the way it is? I should be completely. I should be. I was driving through this tiny little town in Iowa. We stopped to get gas. Then we were driving through this little town, middle of nowhere, gravel roads, probably a population of 800 people or whatever. There's little houses and people sitting on the porch. And I thought, why am I not them? Why am I not doing that? I could do that.

[C]

But porch sitting is a time honored pastime.

[B]

Could I actually. Or not, I don't know. Could I actually. How long? I texted a friend that and they said I could see you doing that for about six minutes. Wow. And anyway, so it's kind of funny that it came around to. I'm watching this interview. Bill Maher's interviewing the movie director Woody Allen and who did not molest any.

[C]

Children, by the way. No, I believe that firmly, firmly.

[B]

He is a brilliant movie director, although he doesn't consider himself brilliant. And one of the points was Bill Maher saying you claim you have like no lofty thoughts in your movies. And Woody Allen said that's true. I don't. Woody Allen said, everybody thinks I'm an intellectual. I'm not. I don't think about the meaning of life or trying to like face the difficulties of existence or whatever. He said I make movies and then I mostly watch sports and old TV shows. He said that's all. That's my life. And, and anyway, so it got off onto this quote, which I thought was really interesting that Bill Maher brought up from Eugene o', Neill, who is a playwright from a gazillion years ago. He did the the Iceman Cometh and a number of other Long Day, Journey into Night. That's Eugene o'. Neill. Doesn't matter. His quote is, a life with illusions is unpardonable. Unpardonable. In other words, lying to yourself about various things. But a life without illusions is unbearable. Yeah. And, and, and Bill Maher and Woody Allen sort of getting to the, the nut of that. That that is the, the most basic core of human existence. That those two things are true. And you know, it's a matter of degrees, but we all lie to ourselves to a certain extent because you couldn't handle it if you didn't. You just couldn't handle it if you, I mean, if you, if you didn't like ignore certain parts of your past or present or future or, or fully acknowledge the dreariness of some things, you just couldn't do it. You couldn't function. So you have to live a life of lies to a certain extent. Do you believe that or not?

[C]

Yeah, oh yeah, I believe it. I might phrase it a little differently. Of course. I've written no plays.

[B]

I don't think it's the human condition. It's got nothing to do with being a playwright. It is definitely the human condition.

[C]

I would say there are, are things that are better left out of focus because it wouldn't do you any good? To get the clear, hard, focused reality of them, you're just as well off, kind of, you know, putting a little Vaseline on the lens like they used to in the old timey movies to make the not so great looking actress look all dreamy. Yeah. I guess a good example is people thinking they're more attractive than they are. They. They lie to themselves thinking they're more attractive. Yeah, well, sure. Yeah. And. And I mean, unless you're like a nut job narcissist, like the people on American Idol back in the day who would convince they were the greatest singer on earth and they're, you know, just nuts and. Or dopes or whatever, you're better off being a little more confident than you probably deserve to be.

[B]

Yeah. So that's part of it. On how you need the illusions just to get through the day. Especially depending on how your life's going at various times. I think everybody has periods of their life where it ain't going that great. If you just fully embrace that without illusions, it would be pretty tough, probably. There's also the stuff that you do subconsciously that none of us understand because we change memories. This is known. We change memories throughout the years to better fit our narrative. And there's nothing you can do about that. That seems to be just the human condition too. So part of the reason you're able to go through life with these illusions is you don't know the truth.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And if you mean I had this happen once over the weekend over something banal, not. Not the least bit interesting, worth retelling. But like my. The nuclear family is. Was all together. Me, both my brothers, my mom and dad, the five of us. And like, we all have different versions of a couple of different things that happen. We all remember them differently, even in ways that aren't important. But so what is that? I don't even know. So we don't even really know our own histories.

[C]

Yeah, I know. That's. That's always been really disturbing to me. I've gotten used to the idea and just accepted it because what else am I going to do? Yeah, but. Yeah, it's like every time you remember something, you're remembering your last memory of it. It's like playing a game of telephone.

[B]

With yourself and you adjust it to fit your narrative, your life narrative.

[C]

Right, right.

[B]

Which is horrifying. I remember.

[C]

What was it, 1980? I was having sex with Farrah Fawcett. She was on top. And she said, you know, Joe, we remember things to make ourselves happy. So I Want you to remember this in a way that makes you happy. And I still do, still do.

[B]

A life with illusions.

[C]

Energetic lover. Farrah. Very, very generous.

[B]

A life with illusions is unpardonable, while a life without illusions is unbearable. Yeah, I guess you just have to decide how many. Boy, I can think of some examples. I don't know if I should say them on the air. I know somebody who considers themselves a good parent who is most definitely not, but they've crafted a narrative in their life that works for them. I guess that can't be good. I mean, they're just completely out of touch with reality and it's fairly obvious, but that can't be good. To what extent do we do that with. You know, I'm a good son, I'm a good parent, I'm a good worker, I'm a good dancer. I don't know if that's one. Probably not important. But, you know, we craft with the. Although life without illusions is unbearable.

[C]

Right. Yeah. Man, this is a lot. This is a lot to contemplate. Yeah.

[B]

And given the fact also that Woody Allen, one of the greatest movie makers of all times, doesn't ever think about that sort of stuff at all. I just make movies and I watch lots of sports and old TV reruns. That's funny. It's like Larry David says on his tombstone. It should say he watched a lot of sports. Here's a.

[C]

Here's a question for you. Do you believe Woody Allen?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

About that.

[B]

Yes, I do.

[C]

You think he's completely. Well, he could be completely sincere and also be wrong. Yeah. I'm shocked by that. Huh.

[B]

I also think, as you're always saying, you don't have a whole lot of control on your. Over your personality. I don't know what percentage you do, but it ain't a ton.

[C]

Right. It's one of those things that are probably better off in soft focus mostly. I mean, otherwise, I don't know. Self contemplation constantly will make you insane.

[B]

Oh, and what are you getting out.

[C]

Of it at some point? Just get stuff done. It's good now and again. Obviously, as I've said more than once, I've been humbled, seriously humbled a handful of times in my life, and it's been a good thing each time. In retrospect, rather painful at the time, you know, so you can't just cruise through life completely clueless. Although I know a fair number of people who do.

[B]

Well, here's. I can't believe I'm going to interject this into the conversation.

[C]

Oh no.

[B]

But it's the best example I can think of. It. Does Trump ever worry about any of that? Does he ever. That might have been a little too far. Does he ever think that? Or does he just plow forward and have a pretty happy life because of it?

[C]

I think that second one mostly.

[B]

I think so too. And I've known a few people like that. They just seem to like, you know, I did kind of break some things in that china shop as a bull. But whatever. Life goes on.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. This is too much. Too much to think about. I'm already contemplative having visited a foreign land and looked at other people in their lives and their cultures and their politics and their attitudes and then, you know, the, the cultures that are migrating, invading the Western world. Yeah, I've already got a head full of this stuff. I'm afraid the there's no room at the end. No more heavy thoughts. Can't take it. I got an opening next Wednesday. Well, I guess that's it.

[A]

This Labor Day say goodbye to spills, stains and overpriced furniture with washablesofas.com featuring Annabe, the only machine washable sofa inside and out where designer quality meets budget friendly pricing. Sofa start at just $6.99, making it the perfect time to upgrade your space. Anibe's pet friendly stain resistant and interchangeable slipcovers are made with high performance fabric built for real life. You'll love the cloud like comfort of hypoallergenic high resilience foam that never needs fluffing and a durable steel frame that stands the test of time with modular pieces you can rearrange anytime. It's a sofa that adapts to your life. Now through Labor Day. Get up to 6 60% off site [e-mail] Every order comes with a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not in love, send it back for a full refund. No return shipping, no restocking fees. Every penny back. Shop [e-mail] Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply. This is an I Heart podcast.