No, Definitely Not a Sign

Summary

Armstrong & Getty On Demand: "No, Definitely Not a Sign" – Detailed Summary

Podcast Information:

• Title: Armstrong & Getty On Demand
• Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts
• Description: The official, On-Demand podcast of The Armstrong & Getty Show! Accept no substitutes!
• Episode: No, Definitely Not a Sign
• Release Date: April 25, 2025

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1. Recent Events at Yale and Anti-Semitism

In the early segments of the episode, Armstrong and Getty delve into unsettling developments at Yale University concerning anti-Semitism and campus activism.

• Protesters at Yale: Armstrong highlights a recent incident where "anti-Israel, quote unquote, protesters at Yale blocked Jewish students from attending classes," forcing them to navigate a restricted campus environment (05:16). Getty expresses disbelief, exclaiming, "No way" (05:55), underscoring the gravity of the situation.

• Yale's Response: Following the protests, Yale University stripped the Students for Justice in Palestine chapter of its recognized status. Armstrong remarks, "Yale University seems to be doing at least some of the right things, saying, we're yanking your accreditation," viewing this as a positive yet insufficient measure (06:02).

• Definition and Implications of Anti-Semitism: The hosts discuss a comprehensive definition of anti-Semitism, emphasizing double standards applied to Jews compared to other groups. Armstrong notes, "You hold Jews to a different set of standards than everyone else," (07:09) highlighting systemic bias.

• Impact on University Culture: Getty raises concerns about the broader implications, questioning whether the actions are motivated by anti-Semitism or a general "powerful versus the unpowerful" mindset (07:14). This segues into a discussion about the toxic worldview prevalent in certain activist circles on campuses.

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2. Harvard's Endowment and Financial Management

Transitioning to higher education finance, Armstrong critiques Harvard University's financial strategies, particularly focusing on its endowment management.

• Endowment Performance: Armstrong reveals that Harvard's endowment, exceeding $50 billion, is underperforming. He criticizes the Harvard Management Company's handling, stating, "They did worse than an index fund. If you'd just bought an index fund of the S&P 500, it would have outperformed the Harvard Corporation" (08:40).

• Executive Compensation: Highlighting the disproportionate salaries, Armstrong mentions, "the highest paid Harvard employee who runs the... corporation made $9.6 million" (09:13). This points to perceived mismanagement and lack of accountability in financial operations.

• Academic Perspectives: Armstrong references contrasting opinions from Harvard scholars. James Hankins, a conservative professor, argues for reducing financial dependence on federal funds and strengthening ties with loyal alumni (16:49). Conversely, Ruth Weiss criticizes Harvard as an "Islamist outpost," accusing it of fostering anti-Israel sentiments and receiving substantial funding from Islamist countries (18:02).

• Implications for Free Speech and Intellectual Honesty: Hankins praises Harvard President Alan Garber for attempting to combat radical progressivism and restore free speech, though Armstrong remains skeptical about the effectiveness (18:02).

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3. Marriage, Relationships, and the Role of Contempt

A significant portion of the episode focuses on the dynamics of marriage and relationships, particularly the detrimental role of contempt.

• Psychological Insights: Armstrong and Getty discuss findings from a renowned psychologist who identified contempt as the "kiss of death" in relationships. Armstrong summarizes, "the number one thing that you can't overcome is contempt" (28:00), emphasizing its irreparable damage.

• Manifestations of Contempt: Getty shares personal experiences and societal observations, noting behaviors like "one-sided mouth raise" and smirks of superiority as indicators of contempt (29:37). Armstrong adds, "If you don't think they're worth your respect and effort, then you're not going to solve it ever" (29:03).

• Repeating Arguments: The hosts highlight that many relationships falter due to repetitive, unresolved arguments. Getty explains, "people tend to have the same three arguments over and over again throughout their marriage" (31:46), suggesting that recognizing and categorizing these patterns can prevent wasted energy on cyclical disputes.

• Maintenance of Positivity: Armstrong advocates for a disciplined approach to relationships by focusing on positives and appreciating one's partner to counterbalance inevitable annoyances (38:58). This mindset helps in maintaining resilience against the buildup of contempt.

• Real-Life Examples: Both hosts interweave anecdotes about personal relationships, illustrating how mutual respect and understanding can mitigate contempt, while its presence leads to insurmountable barriers.

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4. Political Commentary: The Democratic Party and Labor Laws

Armstrong and Getty shift their focus to political discourse, specifically critiquing the Democratic Party and recent legislative changes affecting teenage employment.

• Democrats' Image Crisis: Getty comments on the Democratic Party's struggle to shed certain stereotypical characteristics, saying, "they may want to consider first getting rid of their man purses and their, their organic broccoli" (44:19). Armstrong adds, "It's going to be kind of fun to witness the out with the old, in with the new bloodbath in the Democratic Party" (44:56), predicting significant generational shifts within the party.

• Child Labor Laws in Florida: Armstrong critiques Florida's initiative to soften child labor laws to address labor shortages, dubbing it "nuts" and expressing frustration from a parental perspective (45:44). Getty echoes these sentiments, highlighting the challenges parents face in allowing their teenagers to work and the potential benefits of early employment.

• Progressives vs. Practicality: The hosts argue that progressive agendas often hinder practical solutions, such as teenage employment, by prioritizing academic and professional attainment over hands-on work experience (46:57).

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5. Miscellaneous Discussions

Beyond the primary topics, Armstrong and Getty engage in varied discussions that offer personal reflections and societal observations.

• Understanding the Human Brain: Getty shares insights into problem-solving, emphasizing the importance of subconscious processing and rest in achieving breakthroughs, akin to finally mastering a challenging piano piece (26:29).

• The Role of Sleep and Daydreaming: Armstrong underscores the necessity of sufficient sleep and mental downtime, cautioning against constant digital input that can hamper cognitive functions (27:43).

• Perseverance in Personal Goals: Both hosts discuss the value of persistence, whether in learning new skills or maintaining relationships, highlighting how stepping back can lead to unexpected solutions (26:54).

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Notable Quotes

• Armstrong on Contempt in Relationships: "The number one thing that you can't overcome is contempt. It is the kiss of death in any relationship." (07:27)

• Getty on Repetitive Arguments: "People tend to have the same three arguments over and over again throughout their marriage." (31:46)

• Armstrong on Harvard's Financial Mismanagement: "They did worse than an index fund. If you'd just bought an index fund of the S&P 500, it would have outperformed the Harvard Corporation." (08:53)

• Getty on Political Shifts: "They may want to consider first getting rid of their man purses and their, their organic broccoli." (44:19)

---

Conclusion

In "No, Definitely Not a Sign," Armstrong and Getty tackle a diverse array of topics, blending current events with deep dives into personal relationships and political analysis. Their discussions provide listeners with critical perspectives on institutional biases, financial mismanagement in higher education, the fragility of personal relationships, and the evolving landscape of political parties and labor laws. Through engaging dialogue and insightful commentary, the episode offers valuable takeaways for those seeking to understand the complexities of modern societal issues.

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Timestamp References:

• 05:16 to 07:43: Yale protests and anti-Semitism.
• 08:40 to 18:02: Harvard's endowment and financial critique.
• 28:00 to 35:22: Marriage, relationships, and contempt.
• 44:19 to 47:35: Democratic Party and teenage labor laws.
• 26:29 to 39:46: Cognitive processes and relationship maintenance.
• 41:02 to 50:31: Miscellaneous discussions and closing remarks.

Note: Times are approximate and intended to reference the specific segments discussed.

Transcript

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Broadcasting live from the Abraham Lincoln Radio Studio at the George Washington Broadcast Center, Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty.

[Armstrong]

Armstrong and Getty. And now here's Armstrong and Getty.

[AT&T]

Demarcus Williams, University of Georgia.

[Getty]

Jay Jackson, Wayne State University.

[AT&T]

Tavareus Nes, King, Merrimack College.

[Armstrong]

Tyler Smoochee, Wallace University. Miami.

[AT&T]

Disquarius Green Jr. University of Notre Dame. Ibrahim Moises, University of Tennessee of Chattanooga. Jack Marius Tachtheratrix, Michigan State University.

[Armstrong]

Dr. Isaiah T. Billings Clyde, Coastal Carolina University.

[AT&T]

The Jasper Probing Crux iii, South Carolina State University.

[Getty]

Oh, my God.

[Armstrong]

That's the genius. Key and Peel from yesteryear.

[Getty]

As the names keep getting more. What the hell is that name and which you're not supposed to comment on?

[Armstrong]

I guess Key and Peel.

[Getty]

They're black, so they can make these jokes, I guess, because it's kind of a cultural thing. How long is that bit? I've never heard the whole thing, but that is funny.

[Armstrong]

It goes on for some time. We got a little more. The third.

[AT&T]

Leos Maxwell Julio, East Carolina University. Javaris Jamar Javaris and Lamar, University of Middle Tennessee.

[Getty]

Devoine shower handle. University of Southern Mississippi.

[AT&T]

Hingel McCringleberry, Penn State University.

[Getty]

Le Carpentron, Duke Marriott, Florida Atlantic University.

[AT&T]

Dinklage Morgoon, University of south Florida.

[Armstrong]

X Ms. Jackson. Flaxon Waxon, California University of Pennsylvania.

[Getty]

Oh, God, that's funny.

[Armstrong]

Oh, man. Perpetron. Number one pick in the NFL draft last night, Young Cam Ward, quarterback out of Miami. And that concludes our football segment.

[Getty]

So, speaking of college, cry with laughter. That is really, really funny. I'll bet when they were writing those, I can see them and the writers sitting around just dying, making up those names.

[Armstrong]

And it's two guys doing all those voices. They really are gifted comedians, both of them. So we. I think we played this yesterday. Michael, hit me with clip 14. This is anti Israel, quote unquote, protesters at Yale blocking Jewish students from going to class. He can only go around public campus, just like you blocking Jewish students from going to class, telling them no, you walk around that way to class in the United States of America into 2025, and these are so called progressives.

[Getty]

That happened yesterday, two days ago, I believe. No way.

[Armstrong]

Yes.

[Getty]

You're kidding me.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, Yeah, I know, it's crazy. The Yale University has stripped the school's Students for Justice in Palestine chapter of its status as a recognized student group.

[Getty]

I got to say this, even though I've said it 100 times and it's the most predictable, obvious commentary you shouldn't make Money making. The most obvious commentary in the world. But here it is. If a conservative stopped one trans kid from doing anything on a college campus, you know, Joe Biden would have given a speech about it that night from the Oval Office.

[Armstrong]

Correct? Yes. AOC would have whipped. Wept bitter tears.

[Getty]

You're not letting Jewish kids go to class. It's just unbelievable.

[Armstrong]

Right? Right. You know, one of the best definitions of anti Semitism I've come across is that you there, and there's a, like, two sides to this. A, you hold Jews to a different set of standards than everyone else and. Or you hold everyone else to different standards when they're abusing Jews than when they're abusing other people.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Armstrong]

Kids, transgender, you know, who. Whomever.

[Getty]

I don't know what is more troubling, if it's about the fact that they're Jewish or if it's just that whole. What is that term? The. The powerful versus the unpowerful. Yeah.

[Armstrong]

The victim oppressor.

[Getty]

Yeah. If it's the. Because the victim oppressor thing that's so troubling because you can just to apply it to so many things and it's just a really toxic view of the world.

[Armstrong]

Right. You know, there's some pretty good scholarship on the particulars change, but it always ends up in anti Semitism.

[Getty]

Yeah.

[Armstrong]

The excuse here is we're not anti Semites, we're anti Zionists. Anyway, just thought I'd point out that, and to their credit, and I haven't dug deep into this so far, Yale University seems to be doing at least some of the right things, saying, we're yanking your accreditation. You don't get to do anything on campus anymore. So that's a good step. So, moving on to Harvard, a couple of notes from Harvard, including one final glimpse into Matt Taibbi's fabulous and hilarious piece recently about them. Harvard's endowment, 50 plus billion dollars or whatever it is, and their financial picture. This is maybe apropos nothing, but I just found it very, very interesting. A lot of people mentioned that university president makes over a million dollars or roughly a million dollars, et cetera, et cetera.

[Getty]

I didn't know that.

[Armstrong]

Wow. But in their last disclosure, the highest salaries were earned by the Harvard Management Company who administers their gigantic endowment.

[Getty]

I was about to say I don't have a real handle on what an endowment is or is used or whatever. I suppose I should look into that. But I mean, if you've got it invested in any way that it's earning interest or something, how do you need any money from anybody ever, right? 50 some billion dollars.

[Armstrong]

Well, here's the hilarious part. Your. Your 10th place person at Harvard earns 2.2. Wow. Then you go up to 3.9, 4.2, 5.1, 5.1, 5.9, 6.6, 7.6. And your highest paid Harvard employee who runs the. What did I just call it? The corporation made $9.6 million. And their endowment, which is a big pot of money you invest to grow it. That's. That's it. And you can use it for whatever you want. They did worse than an index fund. If you'd just bought an index fund of the s and P500, it would have outperformed the Harvard Corporation. And this guy got paid 9.6. You take the top 10. It totals 50 billion subsidized dollars spent on a team that would have lost to an S and P index fund.

[Getty]

Wow. It's funny because I was about to say, well, they earned the money if they're investing properly, but you just pointed out they're not.

[Armstrong]

Right now, Jack.

[Getty]

Although I don't know why you earned the money, because you wouldn't have to be a genius to put it in. You know, just follow an index fund.

[Armstrong]

Just get a freaking index fund. Yes. No kidding. We can either take a break now, or we can squeeze some of this in here and have a shorter segment. Next, two really interesting pieces of wr. First of all, James Hankins, who is a conservative Harvard professor, apparently there is one, wrote a piece for the Wall Street Journal, a conservative Harvard professor on how the university can save itself. And also in the Wall Street Journal, on a different day, a longtime Ivy League educator wrote a piece entitled Harvard is an Islamist outpost. Squeeze in both of those.

[Getty]

Yeah. Want to hear that? That's interesting.

[Armstrong]

And they're both really, really good. The. We'll let you decide whether you think the conservative professor is right.

[Getty]

Hey, Hanson, could you post that key and peel [e-mail] so it's easily findable? Because that's flipping funny.

[Armstrong]

You know what's funny is it goes on for quite some time and just keeps getting funnier.

[Getty]

Oh, my God, that is lol. Funny. Okay, we got a lot on the way. Stay here.

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Armstrong and Getty.

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In.

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Lenovo.

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[Getty]

Sanders Kid and Deion Sanders was featured on 60 Minutes last year. So I feel like some of you know who he is. Famous football player. I didn't realize his kid was at one time and thought to be the would be the number one pick in the entire draft.

[Armstrong]

Certainly a first rounder. Yeah, high first rounder.

[Getty]

And then he didn't go at all last night. Interesting.

[Armstrong]

Happens every year. Yeah, it's got to be brutal. But you know, you get over it, trust me. Some people thought it was disappointment in your life.

[Getty]

A lot of it was. His attitude is too brash and his dad was like the brashest of brash human beings who's ever walked the planet. So what did you think? I don't know.

[Armstrong]

Yeah. Okay. So a couple of different think pieces from a couple of different people about Harvard that I found really, really interesting. The first from a conservative Harvard professor by the name of James Hankins. And it's long, it's interesting. But I'll just give you some highlights. The first is somewhat ironic. Mr. Hankins, who I'm sure is a nice fellow, probably Dr. Hankins is. I definitely think he's got a bit of the. Well, yes, we have beatings here at our office, but only one a day. I think he's gotten so used to his environs he doesn't quite get how strange they are. He mentions that the statistic is off, off cited that at most 3% of Harvard faculty members identify as conservative. And he's one of that 3%. He's been there for 40 years. He says, but if you look at the numbers, 32% say they're very liberal and 45% liberal. That takes us to 77% and 20% or so who confess to being moderate by the standards of Harvard.

[Getty]

Right. I'm guessing your modest 97%. And I'm guessing your moderate's a little different than my moderate.

[Armstrong]

Well, right. And his point is a lot of the so called liberals come up to him and say please don't tell anyone I said this, but. And then they unload their disgust with the latest activist outrages. His point being there are a lot more reasonable people vis a vis the real radical progressive lefty student, you know, jackasses. But what's funny is he's trying to explain that it's not as radical left as you think. And I came away thinking, you people are insanely left.

[Getty]

Yeah, that ain't working on me. What was that first number of the most?

[Armstrong]

The biggest number is 32% are very liberal.

[Getty]

And. And again, that's the. Their definition of very liberal would make your head spin.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, they think Karl Marx was a moderate. Yeah. And 45% merely liberal. But. Yeah. Anyway, his effort to say it's not as crazy as you think just reminded me of how crazy it is.

[Getty]

I'm basing this on a couple of university people I know who consider themselves moderate liberals. And I never say anything, but they are way out there.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure that's true. And he says most the scholars are just scholars and scientists who want to get on with their work and then teach the next generation. And he gets into the budget cuts and some of the back and forth with the Trump administration, which is, you know, it's fine, it's good. It's a discussion worth having. He makes the point that the current president, Alan Garber, has actually made some really good strong steps. He's trying to rein in the crazies and restore some semblance of the free exercise of speech and intellectual honesty and openness. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What universities? I mean, it's like having to remind a hospital. You remember you're supposed to treat people's medical problems here. I mean, the fact that you have to remind them of that is a measure of how insane it is. But he says, yeah, the new guy's actually doing some good stuff. Yeah, maybe he is, maybe he isn't. But his last point I found kind of interesting. And he says, the one inescapable truth in higher education is that he who pays the piper calls the tune. And he. And he goes into Harvard's finances, which are really interesting, but I don't want to bore you with. But he finishes this way. There are very good reasons for Harvard or other universities to reduce our financial dependence on the federal government. Instead, we should strengthen ties with loyal alumni who know and love Harvard, blah, blah, blah. Because every administration that comes in is going to tell you now, you got to do this, got to do that. And he says a lot of the DEI crap pressures to regulate speech trigger warnings, pronouns came through political pressure as opposed to internal pressure.

[Getty]

Right.

[Armstrong]

So you know to what extent that's true, I couldn't tell you. But anyway, they are bloated and progressive and radicals and lunatics, in my opinion. I wish him luck in his future endeavor verse, but good Lord. 97 to 3. That's not reassuring. Then. This from Ruth Weiss or Wissa. She's the author of a memoir about Judaism. Really interesting. I read a little bit about it, but her piece is entitled Harvard is an Islamist Outpost. For decades it nurtured resentful leftists and anti Semitism united them in a common cause. And she compares and contrasts in 2001, in the wake of 9, 11 and oh, by the way, she taught at Harvard from 1993 through 2014, so she knows of what she speaks. She says Harvard's leaders don't yet understand the danger that the culture of the university poses to the country or why it required intervention. On September 11, the Islamists Al Qaeda attacked the US in a suicide mission. You remember on 10-7-23, Hamas Islamists exploited Israel's openness by invading the country, massacring civilians and kidnapping others. Jihadists used these new forms of warfare against those they couldn't conquer by force. What concerns us here is their capture of elite American schools as an outpost. As outposts. Harvard became directly implicated on October 8th when the undergraduate Palestine Solidarity Committee issued a statement endorsed by more than 30 student groups. You remember this? That asserted that, quote, the Israeli regime was entirely responsible for all unfolding violence. 30 student groups got together and signed that. Students for justice in Palestine declared October 12th a day of resistance and had a toolkit ready for the encampments and demonstrations, blah, blah, blah. They praised the Unity Intifada, the resistance, blah blah blah. In 2001, there were zero such support groups for Islamists at Harvard, not a one. And then she gets into the enormous amount of money that Harvard gets from Qatar and other Islamist countries.

[Getty]

Yeah, I remember learning that right after October 7th around Princeton and a couple of other universities like, yeah, Qatar gives so much money to these universities and of course you get something for your money.

[Armstrong]

She goes into. By the 1990s, black campus groups were hosting Afrocentric and Nation of Islam speakers who agitated against whites and Jews. In 92, Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. Warned this is anti Semitism from the top down, engineered and promoted by leaders who affect to be speaking for larger resentments. And she goes into a fair amount of detail of the history of it. And she's been warning for years and years about the anti Israeli propaganda propagated by comprehensive program in the center for Middle Eastern Studies and how the center for Middle Eastern Studies became the center for Anti Jewish Studies, Anti Israeli Studies. And it's gone further and further down that road. Progressivism is now anti Israel and anti Jew, and one of the hottest, richest hotbeds of progressivism is Harvard University. Whether that diseased institution can be cured or if it just needs to be cut out and you can say that about the entire university system is not clear to me. And I'm not trying to be exciting or hyperbolic. I mean, it's diseased. Much more to come. Hope you can hang around Armstrong and Getty.

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[Getty]

I had a breakthrough yesterday on this song I've been trying to play on the piano. Was driving me crazy. I just couldn't figure out how to make it work.

[Armstrong]

Did you consider giving up?

[Getty]

Actually, I did not. I was to the point of like I was gonna, I was gonna talk to my son's band teacher the next time I saw him and say, why.

[Armstrong]

Can'T I figure this out?

[Getty]

Like, what am I getting wrong about? You know where the eighth notes come in versus the baseline, whatever. And, and anyway, smile clicked in my head and.

[Armstrong]

It'S one of the things.

[Getty]

I really like away about the way the human brain works. You know, like when you don't understand something and there's all kinds of examples, math problems or how to, how to, how to fix something. I've had that happen before too, like where I got to try to fix my son's dirt bike or something like that and I just can't. And then all of a sudden it like you work on it in the back of your mind while you're asleep or whatever and the, the answer comes to you.

[Armstrong]

I'm a big fan of stopping thinking about it.

[Getty]

Yeah, yeah, I do that a lot too. It's funny how people just intuitively figured out, figure out that okay, I'm gonna not think about this. And then like this afternoon at 3:00 it's gonna pop into my head. Oh, I know what I gotta do. I gotta take that bolt off first to be able to get the tire out of there. It's just, it's interesting the way the human brain works like that.

[Armstrong]

Which is yet another argument for A getting enough sleep and B, giving yourself time to daydream. Don't be taking in input from your phone all day long all the time. That's not the way brains are supposed to work.

[Getty]

Yeah, something I could not figure out musically, like, was just impossible to me. Then all of a sudden was com. Completely easy. Impossible. Click. Yeah, it's wild. So we talked about this yesterday. I don't want to redo the whole thing, I think it was hour four. If you want to find the podcast Armstrong and Getty on Demand. I usually think this stuff is crap. That's one of the reasons I'm so fascinated by it. It's this renowned psychologist apparently who has studied how many was it as a ton of marriages that worked out or didn't work out and then trying to figure out like what. What are the main things that cause marriages to fall apart. So one of the biggest studies of failed marriages that's ever been done. Anyway, again, I don't want to do the whole thing, but the number one thing that you can't overcome is contempt, which is something Joe has been saying for years, by the way. But it is the kiss of death in an inner relationship. And you don't even need to make this a marriage. It could be a work relationship or you and your siblings or whatever. I suppose.

[Armstrong]

Yeah. If you don't think they're worth your respect and, and effort, then you're not going to solve it ever.

[Getty]

The reason it probably applies more to marriages and all those other situations, work relationship, siblings or whatever. You probably just cut them off at the point you have contempt for them or they have contempt for you. The relationships just split. But obviously with a marriage that's a different thing. And they said they could. This, this particular person said they can figure it out from your. Things you do with your face.

[LifeLock]

Which.

[Getty]

I'd never heard this one before. One sided mouth raise. The subtle smirk of superiority is the number one red flag for the divorce, according to this psychologist who had watched lots of videos. Do you think that's the thing you usually do if you have contempt for somebody? One side of your mouth goes up.

[Armstrong]

I don't, I'm trying to do it. I don't, I don't know. I, I will bow to the expertise of this person.

[Getty]

Is that gas? Do you have gas?

[Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Getty]

Michael, you do it for me, Michael, Raise one side of your mouth there.

[Armstrong]

It's kind of the skit. No, that's more like. Wait, what? Yeah, not.

[Getty]

Oh God, I think you have gas.

[Armstrong]

What an idiot. Think about. You're an idiot. I can't stand you.

[Getty]

You're trying to come up with contempt. Yeah, God, it's beyond. The thing with contempt is. And I've, I'm trying to think, who've I been contempt. Contemptuous of? You could probably tell me. You would know better than me. Maybe.

[AT&T]

Who do you.

[Getty]

You don't say their name on the air.

[Armstrong]

But give me Jesus Nick of time right there. Current I was gonna go with a current co worker.

[Getty]

Oh, funny. But once you're into contempt territory, there's like they, they have like, there's practically no redeeming thing they can say or do.

[Armstrong]

It's a 1 in 50 that they work their way back. Unless you realize I missed something completely about their character, it. They're dead to you.

[Getty]

Yeah, that's an interesting one. Four nasty little habits. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Stonewalling are the four horsemen of the apocalypse for dooming relationships. But contempt is the true kiss of death. That's the one that you couldn't come back from. And they're looking for the one sided mouth rays of contempt. They could predict divorce with 94 accuracy based on whether or not they observed contempt between either one of the. The people. God, if it's observable contempt. Yeah, it's probably doomed.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, I can't even hide it.

[Getty]

The part that I wanted to bring up because we got so many texts about this was them also mentioning that people tend to have the same three arguments over and over again throughout their marriage. You just don't realize it. And once you categorize those, like figure out what your three points of disagreement are, and then you always put that in there, it's just, it's just easier to deal with. You just say, oh, this is argument number two where we know we're in a stalemate on this one. We know how this one goes.

[Armstrong]

Right? Right. And it's not about the color of paint or, you know, the length of vacation or whatever. It's. It's that same old. Right.

[Getty]

Can you give me, we got a bunch of texts about that. Can you give me an example of one doesn't have to be from your own life, but like, oh, I'm trying to picture something like that. I mean, like, would it be like it's always over money. So this is just another money argument that seems to. That doesn't seem like what he's talking.

[Armstrong]

Yeah. I don't know if you have texts. I'd love, I'd love to hear the text. I mean, I could, I could throw out an idea or two, but just, you know, you're too carefree and heedless of the future. Yeah. You're a stick in the mud. And it could be over what you're spending on vacation or a car or, you know, investing versus saving or it could take a hundred different forms. I'm a little more risk averse than you. That's a big one.

[Getty]

Or you're too Strict on the kids. You're too permissive.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, yeah, that'd be a good one.

[Getty]

I don't know.

[Armstrong]

I mean, I mean, because Judy and I, one of the reasons our relationship works, I think, is that I am what's the opposite of risk averse in terms of trying things and exploring ideas and risking money or whatever. I, I don't know. I, I, I've won, I've lost, I've gotten hit in the face. And it's okay. She's much more of a nest builder, a. Let's make sure that, you know, we don't end up getting hit in the face. And it's worked for us.

[Getty]

Occasional tensions, but it's, there's advantages not being hit in the face, though.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, but you know, if you never want to get hit in the face, it's a metaphor, for God's sake.

[Getty]

Okay, so nobody playing hockey here, the.

[Armstrong]

Hockey game of life. If you refuse to ever get hit in the face, you can't play.

[Getty]

I, I will not put even close to a fine point on this. I am a single man. I have been married. That's all the background you need. I, and I am not married, not of my own choosing. I have been on the wrong end of contempt and it is, it is insurmountable because everything you do or attempt.

[Armstrong]

Is contemptible, apparently, Even if it's exactly the right thing. We've, I think we've all had attitudes toward jobs or people or, you know, something in our lives that we really, if you have any insight whatsoever, you realize, oh my God, I'm being completely unfair right now because I really don't like them. You start to, you view everything through. What's the opposite of rose colored glasses? Poop colored glasses. Everything they do, you see through the lens of poop colored glasses.

[Getty]

That's pretty good because that's, that's the situation I felt like I was in. Everything I did was being viewed through s. Colored glasses.

[Armstrong]

Yes, yes. It's tough to, to persevere, to surmount.

[Getty]

That, even something benign. So, and then the other part of reading more in this article, which I've always thought was interesting, so I, I think most people who are in relationships that don't work can. So if the other person goes on to have a, you know, till death do them part, happy relationship, you got to think, what was it about us and our personalities that didn't allow that? Was it you or me or both or what? You know, what things are going on there. I think that's a fascinating topic. And then I've also known because I've observed this from people and I've even heard people say this throughout my life as I was, I spent a lot of time single, moving through the world, talking to various people in various situations. It's not uncommon to leave a marriage, get into another marriage and then realize, oh, this is what marriages are like. It wasn't just that person. This is what life is like having a job, raising kids, being married. So okay, probably could have just stayed in that one. But anyway, many, many thousands of dollars in broken hearts later, we've learned a lesson, haven't we? I think that happens a fair amount.

[Armstrong]

Oh yeah, 100%. It's funny, I love this topic, but it's always a little stressful for me because every topic deserves a real fleshing out. I mean like every subtopic deserves a full discussion full of subtleties and nuances and that sort of thing. And like, one of the things I believe in very firmly, having been married for a very long time, is that you must discipline yourself to look for the positives and remind yourself of why you love your, your, your partner and that the day to day crap and the annoyances that come from interacting with another human being, you need to put them in perspective and, and negatives because the way the human mind works, negatives are easier to let build up than positives. And I could get into the anthropology of it, but who has the time? But like having said that, I mean, for instance, I constantly remind myself of why I love my wife and what her great qualities are because like me, there are things about her that, all right, well, you know, it's not like perfect and I don't focus on those, I intentionally don't focus on those. But you know, everything's on a continuum. Like if you, from you're falling in love and you couldn't perceive a fault if there was, they could be an ax murderer. But they're so sweet, you know, to, you know, bitter, bitter cynicism at all points in between. And like maybe you're a, there's a battered spouse situation, the person's verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, physically abusive. I don't think for a second you should discipline yourself not to emphasize those problems and focus on the fact that he brings me flowers after he beats me. So that's, that's like beyond saying into way, way, way too much. So it's difficult to summarize this stuff briefly. Know what I mean?

[Getty]

Yeah, I think that everything's got to.

[Armstrong]

Be in the healthy range of whatever you're talking about, right?

[Getty]

Yeah. Yeah. The idea of having the same three arguments over and over again sounds tiring.

[Armstrong]

Yes, that's why there. But the arguments put on different clothes each time and you think it's a new argument, but it's not.

[Getty]

That's the advantage of being able to identify it. Oh, this is old argument too. Yeah. Let's not waste our time going in circles on this again.

[Armstrong]

You know, I'm so intrigued by this. I'm going to. My wife and I bicker very, very rarely these days actually for like our whole relationship, which is nice. But when we do, I will have to think, okay, what is the, what is, what is the form of this? What is the 30, 000 foot thing here? That's, that's really intriguing.

[Getty]

Oh, and I, I mentioned this a couple weeks ago. I thought it was really great that Michelle Obama came out and talked about, you know, a good period of years there where she didn't like Barack very much and wasn't digging their marriage because yeah, it's the whole raising kids, working, making your way through life, it's. That's hard. But whatever situation you're in now, it's not the way it's going to be in a year or five years or 10 years.

[Armstrong]

Right. There is if you are in a marriage and it's difficult to picture a happier marriage than mine, honestly. And I'm not bragging or anything, I'm incredibly blessed. But oh yeah, we had the grind it out years. Years. We had the gritted teeth. I can't believe she's saying that crap again. Period of our, our marriage.

[Getty]

Of course. Yeah. Well.

[Armstrong]

But I will tell you this, a final note and a positive note as a guy who's been married for a long time, when you get to the stage we're in right now, it's amazing in ways I never anticipated.

[Getty]

Yeah, I got a number of friends who were in that situation too and. Yeah, good thing they made it last. Anyway, any thoughts on that text line? 415295kftc armstrong and getty.

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[Getty]

I think the Democrats are trying to appear more, more manly. Just a thought, but they may want to consider first getting rid of their man purses and their, their organic broccoli. Dark woke, light woke. Mellow yellow woke. It's still woke. And, and, and that's the Democrats problem. Okay. I'm not exactly sure what old John Kendi was talking about there, but charming as usual.

[Armstrong]

It is going to be kind of fun to witness the out with the old, in with the new bloodbath in the Democratic Party.

[Getty]

Well, which direction you think it's going to go? I'm not certain yet which direction it's going.

[Armstrong]

Well, it can't go toward the old people for long. They will die because they are very, very old.

[Getty]

True.

[Armstrong]

So there will be a turnover.

[Getty]

Like I said last week, I think they need, they need to do them a govern. They need to go full progressive, get just stomped and then that'll take care of that and then you can like become regular Democratic Party again. Yeah, they needed to have Bernie be their nominee. It should have happened a couple of times, huh?

[Armstrong]

You need the shot of moderate penicillin to get rid of the AOC gonorrhea in the party. If I might wax metaphorical.

[Getty]

Wow.

[Armstrong]

So I thought this was interesting. The headline was desantis has a solution to Florida's labor shortage Teenagers. And Florida, like several other states is pushing to soften child labor laws. It says to help businesses struggling to fill jobs and shifts. Don't get me started going through a bunch of. Well that's. I intend to get you started. They go through Florida and Ohio and gosh, a handful of other states are name checked that are all saying the same thing. Hey, gone a little far in not letting kids get jobs.

[Getty]

Oh my God. Whether it's liability or various laws, the idea that you can't get any kind of job until you're 16 or 17, depending on where you live and what kind of job is nuts. And it also bothers me as a parent because like I keep looking back, like trying to parent my teenagers, I look back on my dad doing it. At the same time, it's like I had a job.

[Armstrong]

I was going to a job every.

[Getty]

Single day, all summer long or on the weekends or whatever. My kids can't do that. They both want to, by the way. Both my 13 year old, 15 year old desperately want to work. They're always wondering, how old do you have to be to work there? How old do you have to be at work there? It's ridiculous that they can't.

[Armstrong]

Yeah, good luck in Cal Unicornia. That's going to be the last state to come along. But yeah, I mean it's this.

[Getty]

Who's against their teenagers having a job?

[Armstrong]

Progressives and do gooders because they think they should be studying for college because college is the only thing that matters. If you don't go to college, you're a miserable failure. The trades are a humiliation. Working blue collars. Good Lord. I'd rather my kid was dead than wear a blue collar. Those people. Barack Obama and his progeny.

[Getty]

God I hate that.

[Armstrong]

Let the kids work. Don't have them like overworked at a meat packing plant, but let them get a damn job. It's good for them.

[Getty]

If you missed a segment, get the.

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