Episode Overview

Podcast: Armstrong & Getty On Demand
Episode Title: Ohhhhh...Are you E-N-M?
Release Date: February 26, 2026
Main Theme:
This episode dives into trending topics on modern dating, with particular focus on the concept of "E-N-M" (Ethical Non-Monogamy) as encountered on dating apps. The hosts unpack related terms, trends like "ghost lighting," personal anecdotes, and broader reflections on why these trends are gaining attention, all with characteristic humor, skepticism, and candidness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ghost Lighting: A New Dating Trend

Timestamps: 01:40 – 03:16

• Definition & Discussion:
  Michael introduces “ghost lighting” – when someone you’re dating disappears with no explanation, only to reappear later and act as if nothing happened.

  • Quote (Michael, 02:01):
    "You’re dating somebody...Everything’s going well. They text you good morning, you’re feeling good about it, and then all of a sudden they disappear...and then...they pop back up again...They act like nothing happened."
  • Michael explains this is a combination of ghosting and gaslighting, but Getty dismisses the accuracy:
    • Quote (Getty, 02:31):
      “No, it’s not.”

• Host Reactions:

  • Armstrong shares a personal anecdote, naming narcissistic behavior as a cause.
  • Michael self-reflects, admitting he's unintentionally done this.
  • Getty wittily wrestles with his feelings towards the cleverness of the trend’s name vs. disdain for such internet phenomena:
    • Quote (Getty, 03:00):
      “I’m torn between conflicting impulses, admiring the cleverness of the term ghost lighting while despising Internet trends in general.”

2. Online Trend Skepticism

Timestamps: 03:18 – 03:57

• China Maxing & ‘New Trends’:
  • Getty introduces “china maxing,” then quickly abandons it, questioning how long such clickbait trend stories will stay popular.
  • Quote (Getty, 03:36):
    “How much longer will people fall for the clickbait of ‘here’s the hottest new trend online?’...It’s five people who did something. It’s not a trend..."

3. Ethical Non-Monogamy (E-N-M) & Polyfidelity

Timestamps: 03:57 – 06:59

• Introduction & Definitions:

  • Michael notes increased mentions of E-N-M in dating app profiles and brings up terms like polyfidelity.
  • Getty and Michael attempt to distinguish between polyfidelity (being "faithful" among a small group) and E-N-M (Ethical Non-Monogamy).
  • Quote (Michael, 04:38):
    “Ethical non-monogamy...where three or more people in a closed group agree to exclusively have sex with one another...you’re honest about it...which differentiates it from cheating or infidelity.”

• Personal Anecdotes:

  • Armstrong asks if anyone has been propositioned for non-monogamy.
    • Michael shares a story of a neighbor propositioning his wife and him after drinking—a laughable and awkward moment.
    • Katie Armstrong recalls being approached by a couple for a threesome, years before such proposals became common parlance online:
      • Quote (Armstrong, 06:11):
        “...he sends me a text...‘Hey, I showed my fiancé our photo and she would really like it if you would come over and join us.’...it freaked me the hell out.”

• Comparisons and Nuance:

  • Michael and Armstrong clarify: a one-off threesome isn’t the same as E-N-M, which is more about established arrangements rather than spontaneous encounters.
  • Getty colorfully compares these arrangements to sports leagues:
    • Quote (Getty, 07:16):
      “It’s like you’re in the same league...you each do your thing and you all know what’s going on.”
  • Michael expresses strong disinterest, seeing emotional and sexual complexity:
    • Quote (Michael, 07:36):
      “I have no interest in that. Like, zero.”

4. Reflections on Feasibility & Emotional Realities

Timestamps: 08:01 – 09:47

• Group Dynamics & Inequalities:
  • Michael questions real-world challenges, like jealousy over unequal attention:
    • Quote (Michael, 08:01):
      “How do you avoid...‘You had a date with him three times last week, and you haven’t had a date with me in two weeks’?”
  • Getty suggests it’s rare not to run into issues of imbalance.
  • Michael speculates that the most attractive person sets the tone in these relationships.
  • Getty references published stories of people who tried open relationships—sometimes enthusiastically, but often with regrets.
  • Michael notes a generational/age aspect, observing such profiles are not rare among younger users.

5. Light-Hearted Finale: Cats, Sexuality & Humor

Timestamps: 09:47 – 11:03

• Humorous Detour:

  • Armstrong jokes about Michael’s cats possibly being gay—a tongue-in-cheek digression.
  • They play a silly earworm song about “gay cats.”
    • Quote (Singing Voice, 10:10):
      “I want to know if my cats are gay, or if they are brothers. I want to know if they love each other, if they are lovers. Do I have gay cats?”

• E-N-M for Cats?:

  • Michael jokes about cats wanting an “ethical non-monogamy” arrangement by bringing another kitten into the mix.
  • Banter about feline age of consent and “cat perverts.”

Memorable Quotes

• Michael (on ghost lighting, 02:01):
  “They disappear ... and then they pop back up again ... they act like nothing happened.”
• Getty (on internet trends, 03:36):
  “It’s five people who did something. It’s not a trend, it’s the way human beings behave.”
• Armstrong (on awkward proposition, 06:11):
  “’She would really like it if you would come over and join us.’ ... it freaked me the hell out.”
• Getty (on open relationships, 07:47):
  “I admire it in a way because they’re like, ‘I’m not monogamous. I don’t plan to be, but I’m not a liar and I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.’”
• Michael (on relationship logistics, 08:01):
  “How do you avoid ... ‘you’ve had a date with him three times last week and you haven’t had a date with me in two weeks?’”
• Singing Voice (gay cats song, 10:10):
  “If they are gay, then that’s okay. Do I have gay cats. Gay cats. Gay cats.”

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Ghost Lighting Definition & Discussion: 01:40 – 03:16
• Online Trend Skepticism: 03:18 – 03:57
• Ethical Non-Monogamy & Polyfidelity Discussion: 03:57 – 06:59
• Feasibility and Emotional Complexities: 08:01 – 09:47
• Humorous Cats Segment: 09:47 – 11:03

Tone & Style

The episode is lively and conversational, blending skepticism, humor, and the hosts’ signature irreverence. The discussion moves fluidly between earnest attempts to understand evolving relationship norms, personal stories, playful banter, and satirical asides.

Summary

This Armstrong & Getty episode spotlights how dating culture evolves—and sometimes baffles—through new terminology, shifting social norms, and internet-fueled trends. The hosts tackle “ghost lighting,” the nuances of “ethical non-monogamy,” and the realities versus perception of such lifestyles, all while peppering their talk with personal anecdotes and their trademark comedic touch. Listeners unfamiliar with modern dating terminology will come away entertained and more informed, even if (like the hosts) they remain plenty skeptical.