The A&G Replay Wednesday Hour Two

Summary

Podcast Summary: Armstrong & Getty On Demand – "The A&G Replay Wednesday Hour Two"

Release Date: December 25, 2024
Host/Authors: Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty
Podcast: Armstrong & Getty On Demand
Episode: The A&G Replay Wednesday Hour Two

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The Armstrong & Getty On Demand episode titled "The A&G Replay Wednesday Hour Two" delves into thought-provoking discussions centered around modern parenting challenges, societal shifts in communication, and the complexities of contemporary social interactions. Hosted by Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty, the episode weaves in engaging anecdotes, expert opinions, and relatable scenarios, providing listeners with insightful perspectives on navigating today's dynamic social landscape.

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1. Navigating Modern Parenting Challenges

The episode opens with a candid conversation between the hosts about the evolving dynamics of parent-child interactions.

Michael:
"I had overhear a conversation where a 13-year-old girl told her mom to 'shut up,' and the mom didn't react. This shocked me because, in my upbringing, telling a parent to shut up was unheard of." (00:32)

This incident serves as a springboard for a deeper exploration into generational shifts in parenting styles. The hosts argue that today's children may feel more empowered—or perhaps more disconnected—from their parents, leading to unconventional interactions that can be jarring for both parties.

Joe Getty:
"I have a friend whose kid dared him once, but it did not go well." (04:00)

2. Carpenter vs. Gardener: A Paradigm for Parenting

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to dissecting a parable involving a donkey, a tiger, and a lion, which serves as an allegory for different parenting philosophies.

Katie:
"Alison Gropnik in her book 'The Gardener and the Carpenter' suggests that parenting should resemble gardening—nurturing and allowing children to flourish naturally—rather than carpentry, which is about strict control and precision." (06:03)

The hosts contrast the "carpenter" approach—characterized by rigid rules and high expectations—with the "gardener" method, which emphasizes flexibility, adaptability, and emotional support. This analogy underscores the importance of understanding individual child needs and the unpredictability inherent in parenting.

Joe Getty:
"Shut up still is not fly with anybody." (04:53)

3. The Evolution of Communication Skills

The discussion transitions into how modern communication, especially digital interactions, has impacted face-to-face social skills among younger generations.

Joe Getty:
"How are we handling just noticing someone's name and doing a little research online? It's horrifying if a guy gets your phone number and knows where you live." (30:11)

This segment highlights concerns over privacy, the ease of accessing personal information, and the resulting anxiety or paranoia that can arise from such accessibility. The hosts reminisce about a time when physical address books were common, pondering whether increased digital connectivity has eroded traditional social boundaries and protections.

Katie:
"If you're an attractive young woman, saying something like, 'I see you like cereal,' can be an effective icebreaker." (34:04)

4. Debating the Value of Eighth Grade Graduation Ceremonies

Shifting gears, the hosts engage in a spirited debate about the relevance of eighth-grade graduations, reflecting on differing opinions about educational ceremonies.

Joe Getty:
"I lean more toward the viewpoint that these ceremonies don't signify substantial accomplishments and might be unnecessary." (40:15)

Katie:
"I support reducing the number of ceremonies. I'm in favor of minimizing unnecessary traditions." (40:52)

The conversation examines the balance between celebrating educational milestones and recognizing the actual achievements at that stage, questioning whether such ceremonies truly enhance student motivation or merely serve as ritualistic formalities.

5. Love Panel: Decoding Romantic Pursuits

In the "Love Panel" segment, Katie, Joe, and Michael dissect scenarios involving romantic pursuits, emphasizing the fine line between genuine interest and obsessive behavior.

Joe Getty:
"It's about whether the other person is interested. If they're not, continuing to pursue is problematic." (25:33)

The hosts share humorous yet cautionary tales about overstepping boundaries in the name of love, highlighting the importance of consent and mutual interest in romantic endeavors.

Katie:
"If someone is overly persistent and you have no interest, it's appropriate to seek protective measures like a restraining order." (26:14)

6. Final Reflections and Closing Remarks

The episode wraps up with reflections on personal growth, the importance of embracing vulnerabilities, and encouraging listeners to engage authentically in their social interactions.

Michael:
"Phones and the internet have completely smashed traditional social skills." (34:49)

Joe Getty:
"When you have a phone number, you can find out everything about someone, and it's both empowering and terrifying." (30:25)

The hosts reiterate the need for developing genuine interpersonal skills amidst the digital age's challenges, urging listeners to foster meaningful connections while maintaining personal boundaries.

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Notable Quotes:

• Katie on Parenting Styles:
  "Instead of being a carpenter, you're a gardener. Your job is to create a protected and nurturing space for plants to flourish." (07:50)

• Joe Getty on Communication:
  "Do not engage with donkeys on topics that make no sense." (20:47)

• Michael on Social Interactions:
  "Phones and internet have completely smashed that skill." (34:49)

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Conclusion

"The A&G Replay Wednesday Hour Two" offers a nuanced exploration of contemporary issues surrounding parenting, communication, and social dynamics. Through engaging dialogue and relatable examples, Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty provide listeners with valuable insights into managing relationships and personal interactions in an increasingly digital and fast-paced world.

Transcript

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[Michael]

This blew my mind the other day. My husband and I went to a restaurant and we're sitting there eating, and I could just overhear the conversation happening next to me. It's a mom and her daughter who's maybe 13.

[Joe Getty]

Are you maybe. Are you a person that can tune out people next to you or can't.

[Michael]

Tune out people I cannot see?

[Joe Getty]

I mean, I easily can turn out conversations with me, but, like, I have friends and family members who, who can't. And you can't talk to them if there's someone else talking over there because they can't stop listening to them. It's. I guess you're either built that way or you're not.

[Katie]

I have a very hard time tuning out extraneous audio.

[Michael]

Yeah, same here. So. And I couldn't tune this out at all. And again, she was maybe 13, and they were talking about something and they weren't agreeing. And this little girl goes, shut up, mom. And the mom didn't react. And they continued to argue. And my jaw dropped because when I was raised, telling my parents to shut up, I mean, I've never done that. I have never in my life told my mom or dad to shut up in a serious manner. There was one time my dad and I were joking around and I accidentally went, shut up. And I stopped dead in my tracks in fear because I was like, I know those words aren't uttered right, But I know parenting is changing generally, generationally. Is that okay? Now? Is telling your parents to shut up like a normal thing? Jack, have your kids ever dared?

[Joe Getty]

One kid did once. But, yeah. No, that was not okay. It did not go well.

[Michael]

Okay. Cuz.

[Katie]

Right.

[Michael]

I just. I don't know if there's if that's a. A shift that's happening where the way you talk to your parents is changing, but the way that the mom didn't react, I'm sitting there going, what?

[Joe Getty]

I. I wouldn't take it in any tone, but was the tone kind of like the Valley girl? Oh, shut up.

[Michael]

No, it serious. They were. They were having a serious conversation.

[Katie]

Shut your pie hole. Yeah. Yeah. So that certainly would not have washed in my house. I think one of. One of the kids may have tried it at one point and it went very poorly. But how Long is a generation.

[Joe Getty]

They usually say 20 years.

[Michael]

Yeah, I think.

[Katie]

Okay, well, all right, then. Well, at least my oldest kid and your youngest kid. I raised my kids during the previous generation, which is kind of funny.

[Joe Getty]

Shut up. Still is not fly with anybody.

[Jack Armstrong]

I know.

[Katie]

I don't think if it does, you need to take a parent in class.

[Michael]

Okay.

[Joe Getty]

Like, Kevin Hart's got a bit where he's talking about how it turns out he was mistaken, but he thought his kid. He was yelling down to his kid to do something. He thought his kid yelled fu. Said the words to him, and he just, like, gets, like, what. What just happened here? And the crowd just goes berserk about the idea of a kid saying that to their parent, which I was happy to hear that that was just, like, roundly seen as, oh, my God, a nuclear bomb just went off. That is not okay. How is he going to react to this? It turns out he misheard his kid over something like that. But. Yeah. No, shut up.

[Katie]

Is.

[Joe Getty]

Is not. Not okay any. But any world I know of.

[Michael]

Okay, that brings me some comfort, because the kid. The. The girl was similar to your kid's age, and I was. But the. The fact that the mom. I mean, she just took it.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, boy. That I feel bad for both of them because almost guaranteed that's a bad situation either happening or going to happen.

[Katie]

Yeah. I remember back when I was raising my kids and would talk about it on the air, and people would call in or. Or, you know, write in with questions and that sort of thing. What I thought. And a number of times I thought my first piece of advice is get a time machine. Because you're asking me, how do I undo 14 years of getting it wrong? And, yeah, you know, it's like after your fifth heart attack, saying to your doctor, you know, well, it's. You know what I'm saying? Oh, I came across a great thing on parenting that I was going to edit for the show because it's long, but I wish, wish, wish I'd read it when my kids were young. Jonah Goldberg actually wrote it. He's quoting a bunch of other people, but he's talking about how there's a new book by a developmental psychologist who I'd never heard of before, Alison Gropnik. But the name of the book is the Gardener and the Carpenter, and she points out that the very word parenting really only emerged in the 50s and didn't become popular until the 70s, because until the 50s, people generally lived in their hometown near all their relatives, and they would just observe and everybody's there to help. And you didn't have to learn about parenting. It was self evident. You saw it all the time and your mentors were around you anyway. But then in the 70s, people got more isolated, more mobile, they moved away and that sort of thing. And you had these parenting experts pop.

[Joe Getty]

Up and often with no kids or bad kids.

[Michael]

That's right, yeah.

[Katie]

Yeah. There's plenty of that too. But Ms. Gropnik says that parents began to think like carpenters who have a clear idea in mind of what they're trying to achieve. They look carefully at the materials they have to work with and it's their job to assemble those materials into a finished project. That means project or product that can be judged by everyone against clear standards. Are the right angles perfect? Does the door work? Gropnik notes that the messiness and variability are a carpenter's enemies. Precision and control are her allies. Measure twice, cut once, etc. And her thing. And I've got to admit, I don't want to get too deep into this because it's incredibly serious and will make me very sad. But I had, I was influenced by a columnist who is a so called parenting expert and he was very much of the carpenter school. And when I ran into a kid with special needs, specifically on the autism spectrum, that was the last thing I needed. The last thing I needed was a carpenter's point of view about parenting. And Ms. Gropnik's thing here, and I haven't read the book, is a better way to think about child rearing is as a gardener, your job is to create a protected and nurturing space for plants to flourish. It takes work, but you don't have to be a perfectionist. Weed the garden, water it, step back and the plants will do their things unpredictably and often with delightful surprises. And it's not like a hippie dippy, anything goes. She's talking about weeding the garden and doing what needs to be done. But you're not a carpenter, you're a gardener. What exactly is the carpenter's way? I don't know what you're talking about.

[Joe Getty]

As far as the carpenter's view, would it be fair to say it's just like there's one way to do it, one size fits all to get this to come out right?

[Katie]

Essentially, yeah, it's cut and dried. There are a list of rules. You follow them, it'll be fine. As opposed to a garden where it's. It's much more about nurturing than forcing that it's absolutely inevitably Going to go sideways at times. If you're a good carpenter, it doesn't go sideways. You can make cabinet after cabinet after cabinet. And if a mistake is. Or if something goes wrong, that's utterly unacceptable. Whereas as a gardener, something's always going to go wrong. That's what the job is.

[Michael]

And you have to adapt.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, the, the only thing I could say to your situation, you overheard, Katie, because I've kind of lived this myself, is I've got one kid that's got all kinds of diagnosed things and on kinds of medication and all kinds of things. He has said and done things that if his brother did them, it would be the end of the world. But the kid that's got all these various situations, he's not always in control of everything he does. And also, if you react a certain way, you're about, I mean, she might have a kid that if she had said anything to that kid at that moment about that, the table's getting flipped over. I mean, the police are coming, that sort of thing.

[Katie]

Possibly.

[Joe Getty]

I don't know.

[Michael]

Think of that possible circumstance that there could have, you know, that girl could have had that problem.

[Katie]

Final bit of wisdom learned too late, at least partially, is when I first became a youth sports coach. I think I went. I can't remember where this came from, but it was pointed out to me that you don't coach all of your players the same. You coach all of your players the way they need to be coached. Some kids respond well to, like the old school discipline, to bark at them. Some, because some kids shut down and you're not going to make them a better player, a better person doing that. You got to figure out how to pick their locks. And parenting is a lot like that, too. If you think it's as mathematical and, and, and cut and dried as carpentry, you're going to do it wrong.

[Joe Getty]

So how did the, how did the things turn out with the, the woman and the kid who said shut up. Did they just eventually. Did they stop talking or did they eventually get up and leave?

[Michael]

Or they went back and forth for like maybe another 30 seconds and then their food came and I, I checked out of that conversation pretty much. But, yeah, it shocked me. But I like that gardening analogy because that, that makes more sense that you're going to have more room to kind of wiggle when things go awry.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about that mom dealing with her kid. But, like, I only think about my parenting roughly 80% of the time all day. Long. So.

[Katie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, that's not to say there are no rules in gardening. For instance, if you feed Gatorade to plants, they will die. As outlined hilariously in the classic movie slash documentary Idiocracy.

[Joe Getty]

Right, of course.

[Katie]

That, that. It wasn't Gatorade. It was called. What? Brano. Brondo.

[Joe Getty]

Electrolytes.

[Katie]

Oh, it's got electrolytes.

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[Katie]

This parable and I'm not exactly sure what to think about it. I think I know what to think, but I thought it was entertaining. The donkey told the tiger, the grass is blue. The tiger replied, no, the grass is green. The discussion became heated and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration. So they approached the lion, who apparently is in charge, of course.

[Joe Getty]

King of the jungle, King of the beasts. Sure, donkey, donkeys and lions cohabitating, all.

[Katie]

Right, and getting in arguments with tigers. Anyway, as they approached the lion on his throne, the donkey started screaming, your Highness, your highness, isn't it true that grass is blue? The lion replied, if you believe it is true, the grass is blue. The donkey rushed forward and continued, the tiger disagrees with me, contradicts me and annoys me. They should have thrown it. It's a microaggression. Please, please punish him.

[Michael]

He's triggering me.

[Katie]

Exactly. Yeah. I got to rewrite this to make it even more sickening. Let's see. The king then declares speech. The tiger will be punished with three days of silence. Gotta keep his giant betooth mouth shut. That's the punishment. The donkey jumped with joy and went on his way, content and repeating, the grass is blue. The grass is blue. The tiger asks the lion, your majesty, why have you punished me? After all, the grass is green. The lion replied, you've known and seen that the grass is green. The tiger asked, so why do you punish me? The lion replied, that has nothing to do with the question of whether the grass is blue or green. The punishment is because it is degrading for a brave, intelligent creature like you to waste time arguing with an ass. And on top of that you came and bothered me with that question just to validate something you already knew was true. The biggest waste of time is arguing with the fool and fanatic who doesn't care about the truth or reality, but only the victory of his beliefs and illusions. Never waste time on discussions that make no sense. There are people who, for all the evidence presented to them, do not have the ability to understand others who are blinded by ego hatred and resentment. And the only thing that they want is to be right, even if they aren't. So arguing with the actual donkey, the Donktivist, if you will, I can see why it.

[Joe Getty]

I won't.

[Katie]

I can say I like. A great example of this is when you have the two activist groups screaming at each other in the street over the barricades and the poor cops are rolling their eyes thinking, oh my God, I hope I go home without getting hit over the head with something that's stupid. But if the donkeys of the world have like taken over your public school, don't you have to, as the lion, point out, that they're teaching the lion cubs perverse things?

[Joe Getty]

Does it ever do any good? I'm not sure it ever does any good.

[Katie]

Like you just.

[Joe Getty]

Well, you have to. Well, you're not going to convince them. You just have more people. I guess. I guess the thing would be if you got other people like witnessing this and you've got to convince them, but convincing the one, the one person, they're not going to change their mind.

[Katie]

All right. And that's what bothers me a little bit about this parable, and it's thought provoking anyway, is if you go, if you as the tiger, for instance, saying confused adolescent girls should not be told they're actually little boys because puberty is scary, especially for girls. If you are the tiger advocating that and you go to the lion of the electorate, that's what you have to do. I mean, if it's just a story about animals in the forest at each other, then it's not a parable, it's just a mildly amusing story. But if it's a parable, it obviously has something to do with human kind. And if you've got the donkey pitching that the grass is blue and it's like infected the public schools and your kids come home with a dad, you're wrong. The grass is blue. And my teacher says you're a hater and a racist for saying that you gotta go to the lion, don't you?

[Joe Getty]

Well, yeah, I suppose, but I think the parable works for just individuals Which I was picturing. I wasn't picturing. The public square is just if I recognize the guy at the end of the bar is like the donkey about some topic, I'm not gonna engage them. What's the freaking point?

[Katie]

Oh, I agree with that 100%. Katie, thoughts on the donkeys?

[Joe Getty]

There's no place in time or space where donkeys and lions have been in the same orbit, is there?

[Katie]

Unless the lion's already full, let alone.

[Joe Getty]

Talking donkeys and talking lions.

[Michael]

Yeah, that's what I was stuck on.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah.

[Michael]

Donkey and this lion having a conversation. This is baffling.

[Joe Getty]

Exactly.

[Katie]

It's a parable, you numbskulls. Come on over my head. Yeah, yeah, you're right. It's an individual thing. And fair enough.

[Joe Getty]

And very, very true. Do not. Well, I know some people feel it seems like they enjoy it. There's no point in arguing with some people about some topics.

[Katie]

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Well, and the fact that a lot of people just want to be quote unquote. They want to win the argument. They don't care if they're right.

[Joe Getty]

It works both ways, too. I mean, sometimes I've been. I don't think I've ever said this, but I've been in conversation before where I could say, look, I've thought and read about this a lot.

[Katie]

I.

[Joe Getty]

Nothing's going to change my mind. I mean, you can say it louder and slower if you like your opinion, but it's not going to change my mind. So I would.

[Katie]

Or you can hint that I'm an idiot for not agreeing with you, but you're really wasting your time and mine, you donkey. Interestingly enough, Kentucky bluegrass is not blue either. It's slightly bluer.

[Joe Getty]

I was disappointed. Not by a kid. As a kid. Not by a kid. As a kid, when I heard about bluegrass, I thought, this is gonna be awesome. My dad got bluegrass for the yard. Didn't inform me that it's.

[Katie]

All the other kids are going to be so jealous now.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, yeah.

[Katie]

Grass is blue as Merge Simpson's hair. This is gonna be great.

[Michael]

You guys just ruined my day. I didn't know this.

[Joe Getty]

You didn't? All right, no.

[Katie]

Never been to Kentucky then, huh?

[Michael]

No, I have not. And I had all these dreams. I just pictured blue lawns everywhere. Ruined.

[Joe Getty]

I pictured that, too. Yeah, Pictured that. And I just had it in my mind. It looks so fantastic. Turned out not to be true.

[Katie]

Blue birds are blue. Blueberries are blue. Blue grass is green. Wtf?

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[Katie]

Have one more act for you this evening. I don't even need to say his name.

[Jack Armstrong]

Mr. Bob Dylan, a complete unknown, is now a Golden Globe in critics Choice nominee for Best picture. Bobby, what do you want to be?

[Katie]

Whatever it is they don't want me to be.

[Jack Armstrong]

Timothee Chalamet astonishes as Bob Dylan in one of the best performances of the year and critics rave. Edward Norton is absolutely fantastic.

[Katie]

70,000 people are here and Bobby is the reason for it.

[Michael]

They just want me singing blowing in.

[Katie]

The wind for the rest of my life.

[Jack Armstrong]

Don't miss the movie. Critics are healing. Five stars. It's pure cinematic magic.

[Evan]

Turn it down.

[Jack Armstrong]

Pay loud and named to AFI and the National Board of reviews top 10 films of the year.

[Joe Getty]

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[Jack Armstrong]

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[Evan]

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[Katie]

Armstrong and Getty convening our love panel.

[Joe Getty]

So you said love in bloom or.

[Katie]

Crazy stalker psycho biatch? Yes, exactly.

[Joe Getty]

Okay.

[Katie]

But it will, that question will be decided by the love panel.

[Joe Getty]

That's always the problem with that is just, it's, it's all, it's, it's whether or not the other person is interested in you. All love, like chasing someone's stuff is, it's just so romantic and well received if the other person's interested. If they're not.

[Katie]

And he never gave up. And now we've been married for 50 years.

[Joe Getty]

Right.

[Katie]

Beautiful.

[Joe Getty]

And I, I said no five times. And I came out aside and he was waiting by my car with a rose.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[Joe Getty]

If you kind of like the guy, that's just awesome. If you don't like the guy, you call the police and get a restraining order and maybe pepper spray him or.

[Katie]

Send your brothers to beat him down. Yeah, right.

[Joe Getty]

Exactly.

[Katie]

Ah, yes. But this is a gal on a mission. Love and bloom or crazy stalker psychobiotch? Let's find out. 13.

[Evan]

Michael I saw this really cute guy at the grocery store the other day.

[Joe Getty]

So naturally I followed him to the checkout counter and when he gave the cashier his credit card, I peeped it.

[Katie]

To see what his name was.

[Evan]

And then I googled him and found.

[Joe Getty]

His social media profiles and I was able to tell that he was single.

[Evan]

So I went through his friends list.

[Katie]

And I found his mother's page.

[Evan]

And then I looked through his mother's.

[Joe Getty]

Page and I saw that she was a member of this book club that's in my area.

[Evan]

So I went to the book club.

[Katie]

Meeting and I met his mom there.

[Evan]

And she just thought I was so nice. And I brought it up randomly in conversation that I was single. And she let me know that she had a son that was single also that lived in the area and maybe.

[Joe Getty]

It would be cool for us to.

[Evan]

Get together and chat sometimes. So I gave her my number, which she gave to her son. And this morning he texted me and.

[Katie]

Asked if I'd like to get together.

[Joe Getty]

This weekend and do something.

[Evan]

So I guess we're gonna go on a date. I'm really excited.

[Michael]

Wait until he sees this video and goes, oh, my God. Who did I go on a date with?

[Jack Armstrong]

Wow.

[Joe Getty]

That's a pretty successful effort she made there. I don't know how it's gonna turn out.

[Michael]

That's insane.

[Katie]

Well, we have a little update for you. That young man is now dissolving in a. As that psycho decided he wasn't worthy of living.

[Joe Getty]

And she is now wearing his skin as a garment.

[Katie]

And his finger bones is a necklace. Follow up segment. All right, all right.

[Michael]

So, dude, run from her.

[Joe Getty]

God. She actually went to the book club meeting and got to know his mom.

[Katie]

Oh, wow. Cause he's a cute guy. I mean, look, let's all recognize. I can see a dozen attractive women. There will be one that'll, like, make my brain explode for whatever genetic anthropology, anthropological, who knows why it happens. Reasonable. Dr. Freud had his own opinions, whatever. And maybe it was one of those. Maybe it was one of those. She saw him and just her jaw dropped. It was like, oh, my God. For whatever reason now, certainly concocting some sort of. Can you help me out to the car with this? Or. That would have been a hell of a lot more normal than the whole Sherlock Holmes routine. How troubled are we by the detective job and the route she took?

[Joe Getty]

Man, the going to the book club and meeting mom and getting to know her, that is. That is a. That's a different level.

[Katie]

That. That really feels to me like something that ends up with somebody's cat getting murdered.

[Joe Getty]

So, Katie, you're more up on the modern world of how this is handling. How do we feel about just, like, noticing the name on the credit card and doing a little research on. On online so that.

[Michael]

See, I think that it was. It got weird the second she looked at his credit credit card to get his number, his name. I like Joe's idea. Just, hey, could you help me to the car with this? Or like a regular approach? But I would be lying if I said that I hadn't met a guy and he had given me his name and I went home and looked him up. I've done that before, but not, you know, to the extent to go meet his mom at a book club and then wear his skin later. That's weird.

[Katie]

Michael, thoughts?

[Michael]

Yeah, pretty psycho.

[Joe Getty]

I wouldn't.

[Michael]

I'm like, Katie, I mean, maybe you.

[Joe Getty]

Look him up online, do a little background check, but that. That's it.

[Michael]

He gives you his name. You don't look at his credit card to, like, kind of.

[Joe Getty]

I don't.

[Katie]

This.

[Michael]

She sounds like a Serial killer to me.

[Joe Getty]

Well, there's a little surprise. We're gonna talk to him live now. He's chained to the radiator in her basement.

[Katie]

Help me. Somebody help me. Gosh.

[Michael]

Yeah, the second part of this story, he goes missing, and she's helping his mom look for him at that point. That's how these horror movies go.

[Katie]

She's putting up posters. Yeah, exactly.

[Joe Getty]

I've only become aware recently and for reasons I won't get into, about how all you need is somebody. If you have somebody's phone number, for instance, you can find out everything, and it costs you like a buck online. And you got every place they've ever lived, every phone they've ever had, all their friends, their family members. Yeah, yeah, it's. It's horrifying. I mean, it's less worrisome as a dude, but, man, if I'm a young woman, knowing that any guy who gets a hold of my phone number at all now knows where I live and where my friends live and where I work and everything, it just. Yeah, it's just. Different world for that sort of thing. Of course, on the other hand, a buddy of mine pointed this out to me.

[Katie]

Their day.

[Joe Getty]

Remember when we were younger, all of our names were in the phone book with our address. All of us. All of us. If you knew somebody's name, you could look up their address. And it's not like everybody got abducted every day, right? Everybody's name was in the phone book with their address.

[Michael]

Did the unlisted thing come later?

[Joe Getty]

Is that no unlisted existed. But I never knew a girl that was unlisted. Every girl, she was writing the phone book.

[Michael]

Okay, yeah.

[Katie]

Real rarity. Getting back to the whole meeting mom book class, book club. Happened to randomly mention I was single and. But subterfuge that just that. That is a willingness to be sneaky and duplicitous. That isn't her first rodeo. You know what I mean?

[Michael]

Yes. Yes.

[Joe Getty]

I think we're a little bit into the. The modern attitude where everybody's so paranoid of the wood. Would you rather run into a bear or a man in the woods for a woman? I mean, just you saying was that before unlisted was available, like you wouldn't want name listed in the phone. Everybody had their address and name in the phone book, and everybody was fine with it. And everybody wasn't paranoid thinking, oh my God, that's dangerous. A guy could look up my address. It worked out. I mean, are so. Is. Is culture that much worse? Are we just way More paranoid than we.

[Katie]

Well, I would point out that if I had the hots for Jenny Smith, or even unless her name was true, her last name was truly rare and distinctive. There'd be 11 of them in the phone book. I couldn't tell which one.

[Joe Getty]

That wasn't my experience at all because I lived in small towns. Everybody, right, Everybody's name. There was only one Jenny Smith in every town. Everybody's address was right there. And I don't remember anybody abusing it or anybody even talking about it. Being abused.

[Katie]

No. Nope.

[Joe Getty]

So what ha. What changed? Our pair of the. The reality of stalkers or our paranoia?

[Katie]

Both. I don't know.

[Michael]

People aren't brave anymore.

[Katie]

They don't want to just go and ask something.

[Joe Getty]

Ask someone out, right in person, you know, just, hey, would you like to go out?

[Katie]

Would you like to get some coffee? That's like gone away. Skills take developing though, and we're not letting our kids develop those social skills. I had chatted up so many girls by the time I started college. Just the, the idea of, oh my God, I can't, I can't say hello to her. It was just foreign to me. It was not like I was some sort of bold master gamesman or anything. It was just so familiar to me, you know, hey, how you doing? Please.

[Michael]

Phones and Internet have completely smashed that skill, I think.

[Katie]

You know, this is a weird grab, but it popped in my head for some reason. I can't remember why. The other day I was thinking about the old, like the first Bob Seeger song with the. What was the name of his band? Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet then. No, no, that was before he was a solo artist when he was a Detroit rocker but a rambling gambling man. The line is, ain't good looking, but you know, I ain't shy. Ain't afraid to look a girl in the eye. And A, I've always kind of liked that line because he was a regular guy, but B, we've got a couple of generations who are terrified to look a girl in the eye and say, hey, how you doing?

[Joe Getty]

So that gets back to interest in it. You think if she, she found him alluring enough to go through all that work, she should have made her move right then?

[Katie]

Yeah, she's equipped with the tools to do that. Of course, if you're an all attractive young woman, all you have to say is, so I see you like cereal.

[Michael]

That's good enough icebreaker right there.

[Katie]

Exactly.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah.

[Michael]

I just, I have a real issue with her going on a date with him after having done all of this and acting like it didn't go down like that.

[Joe Getty]

Oh yeah. Well, yeah, like.

[Michael]

Oh, we just so happened to meet. I met your mom at book club. Like the whole the start of whatever relationship this might be is going to be BS Anyway.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, that's. That's a decent point there. You can't start with a lie and then go from there.

[Katie]

Yeah, yeah. This ends with a dead cat. Trust me.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah. If you. Yeah. If you're out with somebody and everything like that and then she mentions. Yeah, I was talking to your mom. Wait a second. You know my mom? Why do you know my mom? This is weird.

[Michael]

Okay, well, let me tell you how this went down. So I saw your credit card at the store.

[Joe Getty]

I enjoy the book club that your mom is in.

[Katie]

You're a 23 year old woman. You're in a book club with a bunch of 64 year olds. Why? I like to read.

[Joe Getty]

Pretending you want to read the Bridges of Madison county so you can get to meet this old woman. That is going too far.

[Evan]

Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty the Armstrong and Getty Show. Life comes at you fast. Which is why it's important to find time to relax a little. You time. Enter Chumba Casino with no download required. You can jump on anytime, anywhere for the chance to redeem some serious prizes. So treat yourself with Chumba Casino and play over 100 online casino style games, all for free. Go to Chumbacasino.com to collect your free welcome bonus. Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary VGW group void where prohibited by law 18 terms and conditions apply.

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[Katie]

Have one more act for you this evening. I don't even need to say his name.

[Jack Armstrong]

Mr. Bob Dylan, a complete unknown is now a Golden Globe in critics choice nominee for best picture. Bobby, what do you want to be?

[Katie]

Whatever it is they don't want me to be.

[Jack Armstrong]

Timothee Chalamet astonishes as Bob Dylan in one of the best performances of the year and critics rave. Edward Norton is absolutely fantastic.

[Katie]

70,000 people are here and Bobby is the reason for it. They just want me singing Blowing in the Wind for the rest of my like life.

[Joe Getty]

How does it feel?

[Jack Armstrong]

Don't miss the movie. Critics are healing. Five stars. It's pure cinematic magic.

[Katie]

Turn it down.

[Jack Armstrong]

Pay loud and named to AFI and the National Board of reviews. Top 10 films of the year.

[Joe Getty]

Make some noise BD track some mud on the carpet.

[Jack Armstrong]

A complete unknown now playing only in theaters. Rated R. Underscore 1790 Middle without parrot.

[Joe Getty]

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[Jack Armstrong]

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[Evan]

Hey, it's Jenny Garth. Did you know that Future Health, the best online weight loss program, is giving millions of people access to affordable weight loss meds for less than $3 a day? Just go to tryfh.com and take their quick 3 minute survey to get started. Try fh.com find out if weight loss meds are right for you. Try FH.com Try FH.com Future Health is not a healthcare service provider. Meds are prescribed at providers discretion. Results may vary. Sponsored by Future Health.

[Katie]

This is the Armstrong and Getty show featuring our podcast One More Thing. Get it wherever you like to get podcasts.

[Joe Getty]

My son, who's 14 and graduating from eighth grade this week, graduating. So he actually asked why do they have 8th grade graduation? I well, I don't know the real answer, but where I grew up I thought it was because a lot of people stopped going to school at eighth grade. There was a good chunk of the class that were a particular religion, the Mennonites. They stopped at eighth grade. So I thought that's why we had eighth grade graduation because they were done but then found out they have 8th grade graduations other places. So why does 8th grade graduation exist?

[Katie]

You know, I actually heard a really interesting argument about this once where the one point of view was, hey, they've finished a level of school. Let's say, let's show them, hey, education is important. We're proud of you, good job. Let's reinforce wanting to stay in school and pass everything. Which I think is a perfectly reasonable point of view. The opposition was a woman who was saying they haven't accomplished anything. They're Getting the very basics of education. Their kids, they've got several more years of mandatory schooling. They haven't accomplished anything. They barely gotten started. Quit with the ceremonies. Too many ceremonies.

[Joe Getty]

I lean more toward that point of view.

[Katie]

Anything that would lessen the number of ceremonies I have to go to. I'm in favor of.

[Joe Getty]

Yes.

[Michael]

My mom has a picture of my. Is it my kindergarten graduation or my preschool graduation? I don't remember it. I'm wearing a robe. I know she had to buy a robe. Yeah, I have a little green graduation cap and robe. And they took pictures that she obviously paid for because we have it. So I'm thinking you got money sucked out of that.

[Joe Getty]

Oh yeah, we did. We had to do kindergarten graduation and there was like a certificate and stuff. But I don't think there was no robe involved.

[Katie]

But you know, I hate to blame the gals for this, but it reminds me of little 7 year old kids in full uniform playing little league. And they have opening ceremonies and closing ceremonies every season and the parade of the teams and lots of pictures and the rest of it. Back in the day you just went and played ball. There's no opening ceremony. What the hell do you have an opening ceremony? First game of the year is on Saturday. Go play it. That was the opening ceremony. Play ball.

[Joe Getty]

So my eighth grader has. So the graduation is actually on Thursday and you're supposed to wear a tie. So we have to go out and get a tie at some point this week. He's going to wear my shirt and my pants because we're the same size.

[Michael]

And it's gonna be hot.

[Joe Getty]

He can't wear my shoes because he has bigger feet than me, but. So I have to get him some dress shoes and a tie and it is gonna be hot. But the night before there's a big dance. The very first dance of his life.

[Katie]

Oh boy.

[Joe Getty]

And he said the other day, I sure hope there's chairs because I plan to sit.

[Michael]

It's so funny, the difference between guys and gals with this one. Like I was so excited and he wants a chair to sit.

[Joe Getty]

Yes. Yeah, I, I know, I know that that's true. I'm sure the girls are very, very excited. I was gonna talk. I haven't talked to him about that I hinted at, but I was gonna talk to him specifically about. And I haven't completely crafted it into my head yet. And it probably won't do any good anyway because it's different when you're 14 than when you're older and looking back on being 14 but man, oh, man, oh, man, there's so many things that I chickened out of or kind of wish I had done or whatever. You only live once. You only freaking live once. That girl over there, you kind of like, go ask her to dance. Good God. I gotta figure out how I want to present it. Not like that, but I mean, looking at, talking to my eighth grade me, I mean, just. Life is short.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Joe Getty]

One go round.

[Katie]

Yeah. Here's. Here's what you gotta do. Maybe I'll. I'll offer this service. I'll come over with half a dozen middle school young ladies, have your boy ask each one of them to dance. Each one of them will say, thanks, but no, I'm not interested. And by the end of. Maybe we'll even do two rounds. By the end of it, the kid will be like, yeah, it's fine, whatever.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, get used to being rejected a couple of times.

[Katie]

Yeah. Otherwise, or they might be completely demoralized. But no, maybe have that 13th one say, yeah, I'd love to.

[Joe Getty]

Did you ask somebody to dance, Michael? Yeah, I think I did.

[Michael]

I usually got rejected, so it's okay.

[Joe Getty]

I didn't ask anybody to dance. Somebody asked me to dance for the last slow dance of the night. And I've never been more nervous in my life. I can still feel the sweat running down my armpits. As we were slow dancing. I was so nervous and scared. But why wouldn't you? I mean, I kind of wanted to dance, but I was scared at one of being rejected and two of dancing in front of other people. It's just. God, when you get older, it just seems like, why would you freaking care? But that's just the perspective of age. You can't, you know, you can't inject that into someone.

[Michael]

Well, yeah, and dances are so small in our lives now. It's such a big thing to them.

[Joe Getty]

Right? Well, yeah, of course it is. And, you know, so on one hand, I don't know about his friends, but it's probably true for his friends too. On one hand, he's. I hope they have chairs there. I might bring my own camping chair just so I make sure. But he has. We got a haircut two weeks ago and he wasn't quite happy with that, so we went and got another haircut. And, you know, he's been picking out his clothes, so, I mean, you wouldn't get two haircuts and pick out your clothes and all this sort of stuff if you didn't care at all. So you care, but you just don't want to look like you care because I'm sure none of your friends are looking like they care. As the boys again, as the girls, you get you can be as thrilled as you want to be. Lots of exclamation points if you're a girl.

[Katie]

Yeah, I played the records at the dances. I didn't middle school. I volunteered for that. I think it's one of the reasons I became a musician. If I'm playing, you can't ask me to dance. I'm busy.

[Joe Getty]

All the high school dances, I was the dj, which kind of got me out of. I got to be there. But I had a job.

[Katie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Getty]

But yeah. So I don't know. I'm gonna try to craft some sort of go for it type speech, see how it lands. I can just think of several examples of like, why. Why didn't you. Why didn't you do this? Why didn't you do that? There's no downside. The worst case scenario is nothing. The. Well, actually, the worst case scenario is not doing anything and then wishing the rest of your life you would have tried.

[Katie]

So, yeah, Here, here.

[Joe Getty]

So that's that. He bought a fake Rolex off of Amazon.

[Michael]

He totally cares. He totally cares. He does cool to not care, but yeah, he cares.

[Joe Getty]

He bought this fake Rolex. It's $40, and it's shockingly great. I mean, it's really, really good. It's like really heavy and nice and yeah, very cool.

[Katie]

I think you may be admitting to a federal offense harboring a known importer of rep of counterfeit goods.

[Joe Getty]

Got it off Amazon.

[Evan]

The Armstrong and Getty Show. Get more Jack more Joe podcasts and our hot links at Armstrong.

[Jack Armstrong]

You wake up, put on your Ray Ban meta glasses. You're living all that. You realize you need coffee, so you.

[Evan]

Say, hey, Meta, how do I make.

[Katie]

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[Jack Armstrong]

After Meta AI gets you caffeinated, you're ready for some beats.

[Evan]

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[Jack Armstrong]

You head to meet some friends but can't remember the place.

[Evan]

Hey, Meta.

[Katie]

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[Jack Armstrong]

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[Joe Getty]

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[Jack Armstrong]

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[Katie]

Oh, yeah, because now they could listen.

[Joe Getty]

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[Evan]

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[Joe Getty]

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[Katie]

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[Evan]

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[Evan]

Did you know that Future Health, the best online weight loss program, is giving millions of people access to affordable weight loss meds for less than $3 a day? Just go to try FH.com and take their quick 3 minute survey to get started. Try FH.com find out if weight loss meds are right for you. Try FH.com Try FH.com Future Health is not a healthcare service provider. Meds are prescribed at providers discretion. Results may vary. Sponsored by Future Health.