We Don't Promise Perfection

Summary

Podcast Summary: Armstrong & Getty On Demand – "We Don't Promise Perfection"

Release Date: January 23, 2025

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Introduction: Cleaning Out the Sound Fridge

The episode kicks off with hosts Jack and Henry introducing the concept of the "sound fridge," a metaphorical space where unused audio clips are stored and periodically reviewed for potential use. This segment sets a lighthearted tone as Katie joins the conversation, sharing her own experiences with cleaning out her refrigerator—drawing a parallel to decluttering unused content.

• Jack [00:00]: "We're cleaning out the sound fridge. That's spelled F, G, D, G, S. It's one more thing. Armstrong and G. One more thing."
• Henry [00:25]: "It's like cleaning out your fridge every now and then. You got stuff hanging around in there, you gotta get rid of it."

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Viral Clip Analysis: Philadelphia Mayor and "We Don't Promise Perfection"

The hosts delve into a viral clip featuring the Philadelphia mayor expressing excitement about the Eagles' playoff chances, albeit with a humorous misspelling of "Eagles." This sparks a discussion comparing the mayor's demeanor to the principal character from the acclaimed show Abbott Elementary, highlighting similarities in personality and leadership styles.

• Henry [01:08]: "The Philly mayor sounds exactly like the principal on Abbott Elementary. It's almost as if she's playing the character..."
• Jack [01:28]: "Especially after I couldn't spell eagles right. E L G S E S Eagles."

The conversation transitions to the mayor's role and effectiveness, using the misspelling as a springboard to critique perceived flaws in her leadership.

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Bill Maher’s Political Satire and Commentary

Bill Maher’s comedic take on current events is a focal point in this segment. The hosts play clips where Maher humorously criticizes various political figures and issues, including President Biden's handling of administration accomplishments and the LA fires.

• Greg [03:13]: "The good news is our fire chief is a lesbian..."
• Henry [04:50]: "Bill Maher, lifelong progressive, one of the leading lights of progressivism over the last two decades..."

The discussion highlights Maher’s ability to blend humor with sharp political critique, particularly his remarks on diversity initiatives and their perceived effectiveness.

• Greg [05:19]: "Questionable budget priorities, high taxes that get you nothing... wildfires in California are like boob jobs in a strip club."

The hosts appreciate Maher’s candidness, even as they critique his delivery and choice of topics.

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Critique of CNN and Media Bias

Scott Jennings’ portrayal as the "token conservative on CNN" becomes a talking point as the hosts examine a clip featuring tense interactions between journalist Jim Acosta and a southern congressman. The discussion underscores perceived biases within mainstream media outlets and the challenges faced by conservative voices.

• Henry [08:05]: "This is not Fox Congressman, you can't just spin a tail and pull the wool over people's eyes. This is cnn."
• Jack [08:42]: "We don't allow bias here. On CNN."

Greg Gutfeld’s humorous take on media interactions is also featured, emphasizing the polarized nature of current political discourse.

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Hunter Biden Jokes and the Art World’s Quirks

A significant portion of the episode focuses on humorous and satirical remarks about Hunter Biden, particularly relating to his art. The hosts joke about the value and authenticity of his paintings, intertwining it with broader commentary on art as a medium for money laundering.

• Greg [10:28]: "America is experiencing record cold temperatures across the country. It's so cold that in D.C. Hunter Biden's penis got stuck to a telephone pole."
• Jack [12:10]: "Money laundering is an enormous problem in the world of art because you've got, you know, paint slapped on a canvas."

Henry and Jack discuss the dubious market for politically charged art, debating the true value versus the perceived value driven by political affiliations.

• Henry [13:05]: "If this is actually worth $1,500, I'm happy to pay it."
• Jack [13:28]: "That's like paying somebody to write you a song."

Katie adds her own flavor to the conversation, expressing a desire to see Hunter Biden-themed art pieces in her living room, highlighting the absurdity and humor in the commodification of political figures.

• Katie [15:50]: "There you go. We got Clinton in a dress. And we got dogs playing poker. There you go."

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Final Remarks: Embracing Imperfection

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reiterate the central theme—embracing imperfection in both personal and political spheres. They reflect on the humorous yet poignant discussions, emphasizing that perfection is neither promised nor attainable, but finding humor and insight in the flaws makes the journey worthwhile.

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Notable Quotes

• Henry [01:08]: "The Philly mayor sounds exactly like the principal on Abbott Elementary..."
• Greg [03:13]: "The good news is our fire chief is a lesbian..."
• Jack [12:10]: "Money laundering is an enormous problem in the world of art..."
• Katie [15:50]: "We got Clinton in a dress. And we got dogs playing poker..."

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Conclusion

"We Don't Promise Perfection" offers a blend of humor, political satire, and sharp commentary on current events. Through lively discussions and memorable quotes, Armstrong & Getty provide listeners with an engaging exploration of societal quirks and political antics, all while maintaining their signature witty banter. This episode underscores the value of embracing imperfections and finding levity in the complexities of modern life.

Transcript

[Jack]

We're cleaning out the sound fridge. That's spelled F, G, D, G, S. It's one more thing. Armstrong and G. One more thing.

[Henry]

The sound fridge. Who came up with this idea?

[Jack]

I believe it was my creative genius.

[Henry]

It's like cleaning out your fridge every now and then. You got stuff hanging around in there, you gotta get rid of it. And we got clips that we haven't used in a while or didn't use and got to get rid of them.

[Jack]

And if we don't eat them soon, they will spoil and no longer be palatable. So we'll use them today. Yes, Katie.

[Katie]

I'm usually really good about cleaning out my fridge and boy, did I find some leftovers in there yesterday that I was like, well, I don't even remember getting that.

[Henry]

Yeah, I hate. The one that bothers me is, oh crap, why didn't I eat that? I brought that home. That was expensive. That was good. I made that and it was really. Turned out great. And I was gonna. You know, I didn't. I hate when I waste food like that.

[Katie]

Yeah, it was like.

[Jack]

It's there, right?

[Katie]

Yeah. Yep. Bummer.

[Henry]

So this first one just. This is a follow up to a clip that went viral the day before. The mayor of Philadelphia was all excited about the Eagles being in the playoffs, misspelling Eagles. And she explains why she did it. It also includes the original. We don't promise perfection. I'm so happy that I never have.

[Jack]

Especially after I couldn't spell eagles right. E L G S E S Eagles.

[Henry]

Let's go Birds. We don't promise perfection is her explanation for that. But somebody texted and it's absolutely true. The Philly mayor sounds exactly like the principal on Abbott Elementary. It's almost as if she's playing the character and that shows supposed to be taking place in Philadelphia. If you've never watched Abbott Elementary, Henry and I got into it for a while, you know, it wins a bunch of Emmys for comedy and stuff like that. Good show. Funny show. It's a black school struggling in Philadelphia and this hard working teacher is just trying to do good on a low budget and everything. It's a good story, it's good show and it's funny. But the principal is exactly that woman there. Not real bright, understands how to work the system, managed to be principal. The school only cares about fluff, but sounds exactly like her. That's funny that. That is so true. In the same town, somebody who climbed up the ladder.

[Jack]

It's not a coincidence. I think that's the. That's the role she's playing. Yeah. I wonder if she modeled the role after the mayor.

[Henry]

Oh, wow. Very well. Could be.

[Jack]

Who was briefly an English teacher again. Clear. Why? It was a brief career there.

[Henry]

I'll bet you're right.

[Jack]

Not only can I not teach Shakespeare, I can't spell it. So I guess we'll watch this video. Let's go, birds. So we are cleaning out sound fridge. I don't know where Michelangelo keeps metal guy. And Hanson's filling in today, so I'll just do that for him. Hey, did we play I can't remember if we played this joke? Here's Josten Che from Saturday Night Live. Number five. Michael.

[Henry]

In his farewell speech to the nation, President Biden defended his administration's accomplishments by ending every sentence with you ungrateful bastards.

[Jack]

Oh, yeah, I guess we did do that.

[Henry]

That is funny, though.

[Jack]

Yeah. Yeah. Bill Maher was.

[Henry]

I dropped inflation by 47%, you ungrateful bastards.

[Jack]

Yeah, except you didn't lie. An old coot. Bill Maher was, forgive me, on fire last Friday, talking about the LA fires and his. As usual. Absolutely right on. Criticism of Gabby Newsome and Karen Bass and the rest. Let's. Let's play a couple of them. How about 11? Anson?

[Greg]

The good news is our fire chief is a lesbian. Am I against a lesbian being chief? Of course not. Do I think a lesbian can do the job? Of course I do. And maybe she's the best person for the job. Or maybe they really wanted a lesbian in that job and she's just the best lesbian for the job. And with essential services. That's not good enough. Crowley's official bio says Chief Crowley leads a diverse department, creating, supporting and promoting a culture that values diversity, inclusion and equity, while striving to meet and exceed the expectations of the communities. Well, you didn't exceed my expectations, which was that the whole city wouldn't burn down. But it's telling that diversity is mentioned twice before we get to while while striving to meet expectations. Now, can you do two things at once? Yes, but it matters where your head is.

[Henry]

So incredibly obvious, yet no lefty. Bill Maher, lifelong progressive, one of the leading lights of progressivism over the last two decades, going around speaking to colleges, which he no longer does because they're speech police. Now saying the obvious thing. I like the way he started. Here's the good news. Our fire chief's a lesbian.

[Jack]

He is very funny. And then finally, this from bill number 13.

[Greg]

Now, is Wilkins the main reason for the fires? Of course not. But it's also not wrong to associate some of the unforced errors our government made with the things normies see as hallmarks of uber progressive politics. Questionable budget priorities, high taxes that get you nothing. Making everything about identity politics, virtue signaling overseas instead of tending to the nuts and bolts at home. Cali has no shortage of safety commissions and agencies and bureaucrats and regulators and of course sign language interpreters who communicate with their fit but common sense. We better get some of that vaccine because wildfires in California are like boob jobs in a strip club. Inevitable. And they're only going to get bigger.

[Jack]

You know the sign language. Sign language interpreter thing. I've long wondered about this because every modern television has closed captioning and if anybody knows about that, it's deaf folks. So what is the raw number? Never mind the percentage of the population. What is the. Well, we have our answer. The raw number of deaf people who are watching news shows but have no access to either the closed captioning that comes on the TV or the add ons that have been made available for deaf people so they can watch TV for years and years. That's existed.

[Henry]

Right. You'd have to be deaf taking it live because when you get it later, you could get it in a way where you could hear it. All kinds of software for that. So you have to be taking it live. You have to be deaf. And you're not. You don't have a closed caption. That's a very small number of people.

[Jack]

Yeah, yeah. What is going. And now it's completely obligatory.

[Henry]

Right.

[Jack]

Anyway, there had to have been some.

[Katie]

Lawsuit in the past or something.

[Henry]

It's so virtue signaling. As we know, Obama had the fake guy next to him a couple of times and it took a long time for anybody. It's hilarious though, please.

[Jack]

Yes, that's in the top 10 all time of humanity.

[Henry]

But it took a long time for anybody to find out because it's not actually necessary.

[Jack]

Well, right, right.

[Katie]

That was such a troll move before trolls were even a thing.

[Henry]

It needs to happen more often.

[Jack]

I. Oh, that. That. That made me so happy. Thinking of it now makes me feel more alive. Anyway, Scott Jennings is the token conservative on cnn. Love the clip we played of Jim Acosta and that southern congressman who. Acosta's like this. How dare you, sir? This is cnn. We're the. Well, let's just go ahead and play it again. What. What clip is that? As long as we're cleaning out the sound fridge. Got one more serving of it. Oh, there it is. 71.

[Henry]

This is not Fox Congressman, you can't just spin a tail and pull the wool over people's eyes. This is cnn.

[Greg]

This is the news.

[Henry]

We're asking that come on and tell the truth. And that's why more people are watching the Cartoon Network spongebob reruns right now. Jim, my God, one of the things I want more than anything in the world is self awareness. It's always embarrassing. You, you know, you get off track on self awareness for him to say, hey, this is cnn. Wow.

[Jack]

That'S so cute.

[Henry]

Jim, That's. No, no, you can't do that here. This is CNN. We don't have spin and fake stories on CNN.

[Jack]

We don't allow bias here. On CNN.

[Henry]

We interviewed Michael Avenatti 8,000 times over two weeks. This is CNN.

[Jack]

Well, he said he ought to run for President on CNN, you bastard. So anyway, clip 16 Scott Jennings is the token conservative on CNN. He's talking about that awful prayer breakfast that the President attended where he got lectured from the pulpit.

[Scott]

These woke scapelians or Episcopians or whatever they're calling themselves today. This is ridiculous. This was terrible. Donald Trump, I'm sure regrets participating in this event to be lectured to and politicized in a church this way. And I thought it was frankly a disgrace to what they did at this event. I don't know if this event will happen ever again because of this. This particular bishop took it upon herself to turn this into a complete and total circus and spectacle.

[Henry]

Well, if her goal was to become a hero to the left, it worked. She got interviewed by the New York Times. Bisham Budd made a plea to President Trump for mercy. He looked away the time spoke with her about that moment. Of course she's, you know, speaking truth to power and he didn't have the guts to look her in the eye. And she was on the View yesterday and they made a big deal out of whatever.

[Katie]

It's like that meme I sent you guys earlier with a picture of her and it says word of the day Bishop. As in will somebody shut this Bishop.

[Henry]

That was so freaking out of line.

[Jack]

Oh yeah. God, the woke are so self satisfied.

[Henry]

And on an issue that she is so on the wrong side of by, by many, many points. I mean it's not even close because she was lecturing him about the borders and the trans stuff and she's just wrong and on the wrong side of it politically.

[Jack]

Oh yeah, you are in on the torture and maiming of poor confused adolescents. Lady, I hope you're proud of yourself and Finally. I was afraid to call for this one on the air. Haven't heard it. Don't like the description. 26. Greg Gutfeld. So America is experiencing record cold temperatures across the country. It's so cold that in D.C. hunter Biden's penis got stuck to a telephone pole.

[Katie]

Again.

[Henry]

Yes, yes, yes. That was a well crafted tagline there. Again.

[Jack]

Distasteful. Only a child would laugh at that joke.

[Katie]

I can't wait for Hunter Biden and his penis to go completely away forever.

[Henry]

Unless it's revealing more about the Biden crime family, which would be interesting.

[Jack]

Hey, here's a question for you. What is the top figure that anyone will pay for a Hunter Biden painting going forward?

[Henry]

All right. Well, a quarter million dollars worth of them, a whole bunch of them got burned up in the Palisades fire last week, so there are a lot fewer of them than there used to be. Although he might crank out three a day. I don't have any idea.

[Katie]

I'll throw down $10.

[Jack]

He's not gonna get $175 for his paintings going forward. That obvious scam.

[Henry]

That'd be. That'll be interesting to follow. Yeah. Because obviously either to curry favor with the president or help Hunter pay off his bills for some reason because he's doing something for you. But I would. I'd pay a chunk of money for 100 Biden Payton. Because it would just be so funny to tell people.

[Jack]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ironically. Yeah, I would pay a fair amount ironically. I can't remember. I probably talked about this at least briefly on the air when all of that was going on at its height, but I read about how money laundering is an enormous problem in the world of art because you've got, you know, paint slapped on a canvas. This is worth $340 million. Yeah, yeah. And I just got that money from a guy from the third world, and now it's finding its way back to him through various means. Yeah, yeah. It's easy to disguise enormous movements of money.

[Henry]

I know you purchased some art. I've always wanted to, but I just. I've never taken the time to try to figure out what the hell is this worth. I mean, if this is actually worth, you know, I don't know, low number, high number, whatever. If this is actually worth fifteen hundred dollars, I'm happy to pay it. It's. It's cool. I like it. But how do I have the slightest idea and I'm not going to take the time?

[Jack]

That's like two different questions being mushed into one if you're investing in art, then you really need to know about the artist. What their reputation is, what their current prices are, what the suspected trend is going to be, blah, blah, blah. I don't do that. I just buy things that will make me happy on my wall and that is entirely the eye of the beholder. That painting is so great. I'll, I'll pay a thousand dollars.

[Henry]

Well, I'm never going to be an artist, but I don't.

[Jack]

150.

[Henry]

I just, I'm not gonna. Yeah, I just, I don't like getting ripped off, so I'd hate it. There's another one over at that store. It looks a lot. Pretty close to the same thing. Go, go get that one. It's half as much a guy sitting on a stool eating an apple. Yeah, I'll get another one of those over there. How do they even come, how do they price that stuff? Some of it, especially in tourist places, has got to be you just hoping a rich person comes through who like, you know, like what you're just saying, likes it and they don't care what it costs. Like if you're in Carmel, California, you walk through those places.

[Jack]

Oh yeah, I have, many Times.

[Henry]

This is $25,000. All right. If you say that.

[Jack]

Well, it's, but it's, it's a beautiful example of the free market. If you don't like it, $25,000 worth, don't buy it. And if you do, go ahead. It's really as simple as that. I'll, I'll see stuff that for. And I don't want to talk a lot about money because it's distasteful and I'm on self effacing Midwestern boy. But I'll say something that I would pay, you know, x hundred dollars for because I like it and I think it looked really good in our guest room. But if it's double that or triple that, no, I'm not going to. So to me it's not worth that to somebody else. Yeah, I guess it is. It's like paying somebody to write you a song.

[Henry]

I would like to have a Hunter Biden hanging in my living room.

[Katie]

You want a Hunter Biden, huh?

[Henry]

A Hunter Biden or do you want.

[Jack]

Hunter Biden himself hanged in your living room? I mean that's.

[Scott]

That. That was a.

[Jack]

It sounds like fragile anti justice of some sort to me.

[Henry]

You know what ruins part of this premise of me having a Hunter Biden? That I would say, guess who painted that. I never have had a single human being in my living room in, like, five years, other than my children, and I probably won't in the next five years. So it's kind of a. An imaginary tale of the idea of somebody seeing anything in my living room. But in theory, it was still would be funny.

[Jack]

How about if you hired exclusively conservative babysitters? They'd be amused.

[Katie]

There you go.

[Henry]

So Hunter Biden. Really, kid? An original. You can almost smell the skank on it.

[Jack]

Oh, God, he had to ruin it.

[Katie]

See, I got it.

[Henry]

I got it. I got it. Studio Redecoration. We got a Hunter Biden.

[Jack]

Yes.

[Henry]

We got Clinton in a dress. And we got dogs playing poker. There you go. I like it. Love it. I guess that's it.