We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

Summary

Armstrong & Getty On Demand: "We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat" – Episode Summary

Release Date: May 6, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat," hosts Armstrong and Getty delve into a lively discussion about beach outings, the infamous fear of shark attacks, and the humorous yet practical aspects of survival in the wild. Joined by their guest, Michael, the trio navigates through personal anecdotes, light-hearted banter, and insightful conversations that resonate with both longtime listeners and newcomers.

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Beach Adventures and Nature Escapes

The episode kicks off with Armstrong reminiscing about recent trips to the Pacific Ocean. He emphasizes the allure of the rocky coastlines, contrasting them with the sandy shores of the Atlantic.

• Armstrong [04:34]: "We've been to the Pacific because it's much rockier than the Atlantic, which is mostly just sand. If you're into tide pooling, the number of fascinating little creatures you can observe is really cool."

Michael shares his personal experience, highlighting the tranquility he and his wife seek by the shore.

• Michael [04:08]: "The wife and I just wanted to escape and get into nature. We go out to the ocean and just sit there on the coast, you know."

Getty adds a literary touch by recommending classic literature that complements their seaside experiences.

• Getty [04:58]: "So read Steinbeck's Cannery Row to learn more."

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Shark Attacks vs. Lottery Wins: Public Perception and Reality

A significant portion of the discussion centers around the disproportionate attention shark attacks receive compared to more statistically probable events like winning the lottery.

• Armstrong [05:30]: "Is there any phenomenon in human life that gets more attention relative to its actual significance than shark attacks? Winning the lottery, maybe."

Getty concurs, noting the rarity and minimal significance of shark attacks in reality.

• Getty [05:44]: "There’s nothing to a shark attack. It’s very, very rare."

Armstrong humorously shares his childhood fear, adding a personal dimension to the conversation.

• Armstrong [06:20]: "Do you have any fear of that? I've never worried about it once in my life."

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Innovative Survival Tactics: LED-Equipped Suits

The hosts explore modern advancements aimed at mitigating shark attacks, specifically the development of suits equipped with LED lights designed to confuse sharks.

• Armstrong [06:20]: "They’re coming up with suits that use LED lights to disrupt the silhouette of an object. The shark’s like, 'I don’t know what that is, but it’s sure not a seal,' and moves on."

Getty humorously critiques the method, reflecting skepticism about its practicality.

• Getty [08:07]: "Doesn’t that put a skip in my step that they’ve eliminated one of the one in a billion ways that I could die?"

Armstrong reinforces the effectiveness of the technology, suggesting its potential to significantly reduce shark attacks.

• Armstrong [11:41]: "I just find it interesting that somebody had this idea and it actually works."

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Humorous Survival Scenarios: The Bear Encounter Debate

Shifting from marine predators to terrestrial ones, the hosts engage in a comedic debate about the best course of action when facing a bear attack. The conversation takes a humorous turn as they discuss the controversial idea of using one's dog as a distraction.

• Getty [08:18]: "He got bit by a bear and died or survived. It sucks hard."

• Armstrong [09:01]: "If you are not willing to admit you would hurl your dog at the bear, you cannot be in charge of anything."

• Getty [09:16]: "I'm gonna lob him high in the air to even give myself more time."

These exchanges highlight the hosts' ability to blend humor with serious topics, making the discussion both entertaining and thought-provoking.

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Personal Stories: Planning for the Future and Family Dynamics

The conversation also touches on more personal aspects of the hosts' lives, including plans for the future and family interactions.

Michael shares a heartfelt moment, discussing plans to honor his wife's wishes by scattering her ashes along the coast.

• Michael [12:08]: "She wants me to... put her ashes around the coast... we were trying to decide on spots."

Armstrong adds a touch of humor while acknowledging the gravity of the situation.

• Armstrong [12:35]: "If I were to... hurl poor Baxter at the bear, oh my God. I find that so repugnant."

These personal anecdotes provide depth to the hosts' personas, showcasing their ability to balance light-hearted banter with sincere reflections.

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Conclusion

"We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat" offers listeners a blend of humor, personal stories, and insightful discussions about nature, survival, and the often-overlooked aspects of public perception. Armstrong and Getty, alongside Michael, create an engaging narrative that not only entertains but also invites reflection on how we perceive and react to the natural world around us.

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Notable Quotes:

• Armstrong [03:25]: "We're going to need a bigger boat."

• Getty [04:58]: "So read Steinbeck's Cannery Row to learn more."

• Armstrong [06:20]: "They’re coming up with suits that use LED lights to disrupt the silhouette of an object."

• Armstrong [09:01]: "If you are not willing to admit you would hurl your dog at the bear, you cannot be in charge of anything."

• Michael [12:08]: "She wants me to... put her ashes around the coast."

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This episode masterfully intertwines humor with meaningful discussions, making it a memorable addition to The Armstrong & Getty Show’s lineup.

Transcript

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[Host 1]

We're going to need a bigger boat. It's one more thing.

[Jenny Garth]

Armstrong and Getty.

[Host 2]

One more thing. That is a quote from the movie Jaws back when we used to make American movies, which we'll start making again now with the new 100% tariff on foreign films.

[Host 1]

Make fake sharks great again. That's probably in your pantheon of like your top, if not 10, top 20 all time recognizable movie quotes, isn't it true? Going to need a bigger boat. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I thought this was at least mildly interesting. Michael is just back from a trip to the shore, correct, Michael?

[Michael]

That is correct. Yeah.

[Host 1]

Yeah. The mighty Pacific, where the great white haunts the depths and chews on seals, etc. Yeah.

[Michael]

The wife and I just wanted to escape and we wanted to get into nature. So that's what we do. We go out to the ocean and just sit there on the coast, you know.

[Host 2]

That's fantastic.

[Michael]

Yep.

[Host 1]

Do you ever do any tide pooling?

[Michael]

I've done that once or twice, but generally I just sit, you know, just sit there and just relax, close the eyes.

[Host 2]

My youngest son especially loves the whole tide pooling thing.

[Host 1]

Oh, is that right?

[Host 2]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 1]

Judy and I, we both love it. We've for years and years and years since we first got married. Anytime we're especially at the Pacific Ocean because it's much rockier than the Atlantic, which is mostly just sand, which is great if you like beaches and the water is warmer. But the, the rocky inlets and stuff of the Pacific are just dream come true. If you're into tide pooling, the number of fascinating little creatures you can observe if you're into that sort of thing, is really cool.

[Host 2]

So read Steinbeck's Cannery Row to learn more.

[Host 1]

Oh, wow. I don't. I think I read that in high school.

[Host 2]

Yeah. Another one of those books. You should Read when you're older.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah. You're like, okay, he's angsty and wants to have a different life or something. I don't know. Can we go chase girls and try to get beer? Anyway, so speaking of the seashore and sharks, is there any phenomenon in human life that gets more attention relative to its actual significance than shark attacks? Boy, Winning the lottery, maybe. I mean, like anything.

[Host 2]

I don't. I don't think that's even close. There's no significance to a shark attack, really. Winning the lottery. There. There's some human element story, the way people handle it and stuff that you could, you know, you could do. Write long papers about. There's nothing to a shark attack. It's very, very rare. Right. The whole story is in one sentence.

[Host 1]

He got bit by a shark and died or survived. It sucks hard. If you are the bit he. Lord knows. But I mean, it's incredibly in. Oh, Lord. It's so incredibly infrequent. But we spend a lot of time thinking about it, talking about it and reporting on it on the news and that sort of thing.

[Host 2]

Do you have any fear of that? I've never worried about it once in my life.

[Host 1]

A little bit. A little bit. I did as a kid.

[Host 2]

I'm from Kansas and didn't see the ocean till I was 20. That's part of it.

[Host 1]

Well, yeah, I would say. You don't get to brag about your courage. And Judy and I spend a fair amount of time on the Atlantic coast these days, and I don't worry about it, but I'm aware of it. But generally it's somebody. A shark nips at somebody to see what they are and thinks, oh, God, that's not a seal, and moves on. It's fatalities are very, very rare. But, you know, if you got blood rushing out of your lower leg, that's a long day. I mean, you're gonna have a long, unpleasant day. Having said that, I read this entire article about how they're coming up with suits for people who are in the ocean a fair amount, surfers, divers, whatever, that use LED lights on the suit. Just one here, one there, one there. And it disrupts the silhouette of an object. Like a surfer, for instance, or seal decoys, which is how they're trying to figure out if this works or not. But the shark is trying to figure out what that is. And if you break up the silhouette of it. So it appears to be a couple of different things by having an LED light right in the middle of it, the shark's like I don't know what that is, but it's sure not a seal. And it moves on. So they think the greatest shark attack avoidance mechanism or method they've ever come up with is these little LED lights that just confuse the shark's eyes.

[Host 2]

Well, doesn't that put a skip in my step that they've eliminated one of the one in a billion ways that I could die? The most unlikely way I could spend.

[Host 1]

Time in the ocean? No, no, you don't get to play the hard ass here. You don't get to.

[Host 2]

Can you come put anything with like, heart disease or car wrecks or anything that might get me.

[Host 1]

Oh, guy got ate by a bear the other day. And where was it? It was one of your eastern states.

[Host 2]

Yeah, that.

[Host 1]

That was him and his dog too fluffy.

[Host 2]

Anyway, I'm surprised the dog didn't occupy the bear long enough that he could get away. Or maybe he wasn't that kind of guy. I'm hurling my dog at the bear and running.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Host 2]

Wow.

[Host 1]

I'm running.

[Host 2]

I believe in. I believe in a hierarchy. You know, my family needs me more than you. Pop. Occupy this bear while I get. And feets don't fail me now.

[Host 1]

You know, it takes a certain kind of guy to admit that out loud, but you're 100% right.

[Host 2]

Heck, yeah.

[Host 1]

I mean, if I were to. And I can barely make these words come out of my mouth if Judy and I are hiking.

[Host 2]

You're gonna shove Judy at the bear.

[Host 1]

With our dog. Oh.

[Michael]

I was thinking the same thing.

[Host 1]

And I hurl. I was pausing for effect. Let me do my art. And I were to hurl poor Baxter at the bear. Oh, my God. I find that so repugnant, I can barely form the words in my mouth.

[Host 2]

That's interesting. This kid. This came up just the other day. Who was I with? And they thought it was horrific that I said that. To me, it's just like 100% the obvious choice. I got two kids I got to take care of and support. I'm not. You know, they said, whoever was.

[Host 1]

Who was I with?

[Host 2]

But they said, oh, no, I would protect the dog. I'd probably get it. You're nuts.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, this reminds me. This might be like the ultimate test of something I like to talk about on the show, which is how there are certain people who are willing to deal with unpleasant adult realities. And I'm trying to remember of a good example of an issue that. I've talked about this before, but you get certain people who say, we've got to do Something. And you say, well, that's not going to work. It's a waste of money and it's abusive to the taxpayers. But we've got to do something, you know. Okay, well, unless you can come up with something smart, we're not going to do anything. Those people have to figure it out for themselves. Are you willing to confront unpleasant reality or not? If the answer is not. If you are not willing to admit you would hurl your dog at the bear into a bear's hungry jaws.

[Host 2]

I'm gonna lob him high in the air to even give myself more time.

[Host 1]

Right.

[Host 2]

Off I go. Yes.

[Host 1]

Yes. A trick employed by many a brother, perhaps while playing rough with his other brothers. Sure. Tosses the ball a little high in the air, then belly tackles his brother while he's looking up. That's what I'm doing. Yeah, that's exactly right. If you are not willing to. To. To admit you would hurl your dog at the bear, you cannot be in charge of anything.

[Host 2]

I might yell, thank you, pup, pup. I'll remember you over my shoulder as I run.

[Host 1]

You're a good dog.

[Host 2]

We're a good dog.

[Host 1]

Right? Right. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, where were we? I guess we probably did enough of the shark attack thing. I just. I find it interesting that somebody had this idea and it actually works. Yeah. Cool.

[Host 2]

It'll probably become very standard. It might be the end of shark attack.

[Host 1]

Yeah. I wonder. Yeah. Put them on the bottom of surfboards and all, because a surfboard with, like, a couple of hands paddling looks just like a seal.

[Host 2]

Do you. Michael, you're at the beach with your wife.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Just sitting on the beach, you said. But.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Were you literally just sitting there, like, staring out at the water, or were you reading or listening to music or just sitting there?

[Michael]

We were just talking.

[Host 2]

Okay. Talking amongst yourself.

[Michael]

We were talking, actually, you know, she wants me to. She gets cremated to put her ashes around, you know, the coast and stuff like that. So I asked her, you know, where would you like? So we were trying to decide on spots, actually.

[Host 1]

She'll murder you long before that's necessary.

[Host 2]

Pretty young for that conversation. I'd be a little concerned that she's.

[Michael]

Oh, no. Yeah, she's doing fine, but it's just, you know, she was thinking about it, and so I asked.

[Host 1]

Yeah, I could sit there and watch the waves for an hour without the slightest boredom. I could do it right now.

[Host 2]

I don't know. I'm gonna. What if you miss a tick tock?

[Host 1]

Oh, Lord. Drown him. Drown him right now. He's feeding dogs to bears. He's scrolling through TikTok and nature's wonder. He's a monster.

[Michael]

You know, the wife and I were at the state fair and a carny approached me and so I grabbed my wife and pulled her right in front.

[Host 1]

Of me so she could engage human shield.

[Michael]

Yep. Well, I guess that's it.

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