Why the Hell Would Anyone Steal That!?

Summary

Armstrong & Getty On Demand: Episode Summary - "Why the Hell Would Anyone Steal That!?"

Podcast Information

• Title: Armstrong & Getty On Demand
• Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts
• Episode: Why the Hell Would Anyone Steal That!?
• Release Date: January 6, 2025

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Overview

In the episode titled "Why the Hell Would Anyone Steal That!?", hosts Jack Armstrong and Michael Getty delve into a variety of engaging topics ranging from their own podcast's reception to family game nights, parenting insights, and personal anecdotes about shoplifting. The conversation is light-hearted yet insightful, providing listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful reflections. Notable quotes sprinkled throughout the episode add depth and humor to the discussions.

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1. One More Thing Podcast Reception

The episode kicks off with Jack Armstrong expressing gratitude for the positive feedback received for their "One More Thing" podcast segment. He mentions that producer Mike Hansen has been instrumental in promoting the podcast by featuring it on radio stations' best-of segments during their two-week off period.

• Jack Armstrong [00:08]: "Before we get to that, on our first One More Thing of the new year, I had several people tell me that they really enjoy the One More Thing podcast."

Michael Getty adds humorously about the inclusion of swears in the podcast, highlighting the need for proper labeling to ensure it doesn't air uncensored.

• Michael Getty [00:46]: "Shit. Wow. See, that's one of the things about the One More Thing podcast. Sometimes there are swears."

The hosts share a light-hearted exchange about occasional outbursts and maintaining decorum, setting a friendly and relatable tone for the episode.

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2. Family Game Night: The Hot Sauce Challenge

Transitioning from podcast discussions, Jack recounts a memorable family event dubbed "Cousin Christmas," where they introduced a hot sauce competition inspired by the TV show "Hot Ones."

• Jack Armstrong [01:17]: "We did a hot sauce competition based on... Hot Ones. So you can buy the home version of Hot Ones and we watch hot."

The game involved participants either answering revealing questions or consuming progressively hotter sauces. This segment illustrates the hosts' creativity in fostering family bonding through fun and sometimes challenging activities.

Michael humorously admits his lack of tolerance for spicy foods, adding to the camaraderie.

• Michael Getty [03:06]: "You burn your mouth with hot sauce. I'm good over here."

Jack shares anecdotes of family members' reactions, including his 13-year-old son Henry who couldn't handle the hottest sauce, adding a relatable family dynamic to the narrative.

• Jack Armstrong [02:37]: "Most everybody else did... it was pretty funny. Including my, my, my 13 year old Henry... he yelled, God damn it."

Katie and Michael contribute their own stories, highlighting different reactions and emphasizing the diverse responses within the family.

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3. Parenting Insights: Traits to Avoid Passing On

The conversation shifts to a more introspective topic as the hosts discuss traits they would prefer not to pass on to their children. This segment offers valuable parenting insights and personal reflections.

Jack shares a thoughtful question from their game: "What trait would you least like to pass down to your kids?" He reveals that his father expressed a desire not to pass on impatience.

• Jack Armstrong [05:24]: "My dad said, patience. I wish I had more patience. I don't have much patience. I never have, and I don't like that. And I wouldn't want to pass that along."

Michael echoes similar sentiments, contemplating his struggles with patience and the importance of handling parenting challenges calmly.

• Michael Getty [05:57]: "Mine... patience, ability to... look, you can make your point later."

Katie adds her own perspective, openness about her anxiety and tendency to worry about uncontrollable factors.

• Katie [07:04]: "I would say my anxiety or my lack of ability to identify what's in my control."

The discussion underscores the importance of self-awareness in parenting and the desire to foster positive traits in the next generation.

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4. Anecdotes on Shoplifting

A significant portion of the episode revolves around the theme of shoplifting, with the hosts sharing personal and familial experiences.

Jack introduces the topic with the game's final question: "Have you ever shoplifted?" The responses vary, with Jack and Michael revealing past incidents.

• Jack Armstrong [09:07]: "My dad shockingly said I did once... he stole a gallon jar of olives."

Michael shares his own childhood experience influenced by older peers, reflecting on the lessons learned from that incident.

• Michael Getty [09:46]: "I had that experience with my 84 year old dad this past summer... he was fully cognizant of how dishonest the Department of Defense and the White House were being about the war."

Katie recounts an accidental shoplifting incident involving sunglasses, highlighting the unintentional nature of such actions.

• Katie [09:07]: "I walked out of a Target with a pair of sunglasses on my head... drove back, returned them."

The stories culminate in Jack revealing his father's unusual choice of stolen item—a gallon jar of olives.

• Jack Armstrong [12:51]: "A gallon jar of olives."
• Katie [13:04]: "You're gonna sit back and enjoy those."
• Jack Armstrong [13:13]: "All the dirty markets for a long."

The humorous yet honest discussions about shoplifting provide both entertainment and moral lessons, emphasizing the impact of upbringing and personal ethics.

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5. Reflections and Final Thoughts

As the episode nears its conclusion, the hosts reflect on the humorous and sometimes absurd nature of their stories, tying back to the overarching theme of understanding motivations behind certain actions.

• Michael Getty [10:54]: "While I do not find any joy in seeing who can endure the most pain to their nerve endings in their mouth, the idea of trying to maintain your cool and like speak coherently while you are dealing with the hot sauce, that is very funny."

Jack wraps up the discussion with a nod to their father's honesty and the unexpected revelations about past behaviors, reinforcing the value of integrity and transparency.

• Jack Armstrong [12:20]: "It's a good thing it didn't happen in modern California up until a month ago that nobody would have busted you just."

The episode concludes on a thoughtful note, blending humor with meaningful conversations about family, parenting, and personal growth.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jack Armstrong [00:08]: "Before we get to that, on our first One More Thing of the new year, I had several people tell me that they really enjoy the One More Thing podcast."

• Michael Getty [00:46]: "Shit. Wow. See, that's one of the things about the One More Thing podcast. Sometimes there are swears."

• Katie [09:06]: "No. On accident, but no."

• Jack Armstrong [12:51]: "A gallon jar of olives."

• Katie [07:04]: "I would say my anxiety or my lack of ability to identify what's in my control."

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Conclusion

"Why the Hell Would Anyone Steal That!?" offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and insightful discussions that reflect the hosts' camaraderie and candidness. From playful family competitions to deep dives into personal traits and ethical dilemmas, Armstrong and Getty engage listeners with relatable content and memorable anecdotes. Whether you're a longtime fan or new to the podcast, this episode delivers a well-rounded and entertaining experience that captures the essence of the Armstrong & Getty dynamic.

Transcript

[Jack]

Why the hell would anyone steal that? It's One More Thing.

[Katie]

Armstrong and Getty.

[Michael]

One More Thing.

[Jack]

Before we get to that, on our first One More Thing of the new year, I had several people tell me that they really enjoy the One More Thing podcast.

[Michael]

Lovely.

[Jack]

And a couple of people that became aware of it by listening to the Best of stuff on the radio while we're off for two weeks. Because producer Mike Hansen put some of the One More Thing podcast on the radio stations that were doing best of. And so some people got introduced to it. So that's cool. A couple of quick things before I get to a couple of stories came across.

[Michael]

Shit. Wow. See, that's one of the things about the One More Thing podcast. Sometimes there are swears. Although now Hanson has to label it so he doesn't run it on the air uncensored.

[Joe]

First one of 2025.

[Michael]

There you go, Michael.

[Katie]

The best outburst ever.

[Jack]

Oh, boy.

[Michael]

Sorry. That was childish and I regret it.

[Jack]

It was very childish.

[Katie]

I loved it.

[Michael]

Tell you what, your inner child leaves town, you're screwed. I keep mine healthy.

[Jack]

It reminds me we. So one of the fun things we did at Cousin Christmas, we call it, where everybody gets together. My brothers, their families, kids, cousins, grandma, grandpa, everybody. We're there. We did a hot sauce competition based on. What's that TV show?

[Katie]

Hot Ones.

[Jack]

Hot Ones, yeah. So you can buy the home version of Hot Ones and we watch hot. Have you ever watched Hot Ones, Joe?

[Michael]

I have not.

[Jack]

It's pretty entertaining. Watch the Shaq episode if you don't watch anything else, because it's pretty funny. Yeah, they have celebrities on there and then they interview them while they try increasingly hot hot sauce with chips.

[Katie]

Yeah, Shaq and Conan were stupid.

[Michael]

That sounds really entertaining.

[Jack]

Oh, I haven't seen. Seen Conan.

[Katie]

Conan's great.

[Michael]

Funny.

[Jack]

Shaq is hilarious. Guzzling milk. They have milk there to drink. And I mean like crazy. I don't like spicy stuff, so I don't get any joy out of it. I didn't even participate. But everybody else did. Most everybody else did. It was pretty funny. Including my, my, my 13 year old Henry. He did the hottest one, the 2 million, whatever that. Oh number is. They got a scale right, and it was the hottest one that they had. Yeah. Candle power. Anyway, he was just. He ran into the bathroom. We just heard him in there and he yelled, God damn it.

[Michael]

Oh.

[Jack]

That got big laughs out of everybody.

[Katie]

It must be a guy thing. My husband, we bought that Hot Ones thing and he did it with one of his friends and he completed it and he walked around like he just hulk smashed a building.

[Michael]

Like he was like, yeah.

[Katie]

It was like the biggest testosterone boost I've ever seen in my life.

[Jack]

I guess it is a certain, can you take it? Thing because my, my brother, the, you know, served in Iraq several times, guy really likes taking on the hot sauce.

[Michael]

Wow, how interesting.

[Jack]

What was I leading up to? Oh, these couple of things I came across. I don't know, they don't fit in. I'll do that.

[Michael]

I was gonna say, you know, I walk around with crippling joint pain all the time, so I'm good, frankly. You burn your mouth with hot sauce. I'm good over here. I got my, I got my thing. You got yours.

[Jack]

It's always.

[Michael]

Don't see the appeal.

[Jack]

It's always seemed a little bit to me, like, I'll take these pliers and pinch you really hard. Is it hurt, hurt if I pinch you here? How about if I pinch you here really hard?

[Michael]

Who can hold their hand over a burner? Although you're not going to give yourself third degree burns, obviously with hot sauce.

[Jack]

So the, the, the, the hot sauce game thing came with a stack of cards and questions on them. And the way you're supposed to play the game is you can either answer the question or eat the hot sauce. And the questions are like embarrassing or revealing. So it's kind of a, you know, 13 year old. Now we've reached worked up to the really hot hot sauce. And here's the question. The questions were way too filthy and dirty. My, my son chose poorly. I should have looked at the box before we bought it at Target. I was looking through, I mean, just like this is for early 20 something drunk people sitting around. I mean, you know, what was your worst one night stand? And just, you know, just stuff like that, A lot of them.

[Michael]

But I dug out parenting.

[Jack]

I, I dug out a bunch of the questions that were okay for the family and good parenting. And then we did those and we didn't end up doing them for the hot sauce thing. We just tried the hot sauce on chips. But this was just conversation starters. I just needed something. We got, we're all sitting around and after like the initial, I don't know if anybody else has ever had this happen before, but you get all the family together and everything like that and there's a big burst of energy, then.

[Michael]

That kind of a bit of a.

[Jack]

Lull happens and now we got to come up with something. We gotta. Well, first of all, you go out to eat like nine times, but when you're you can't constantly go out to.

[Michael]

Eat, so you got so many cookies. I am now a cookie addict. Oh, Lord.

[Jack]

But so I dug out some of the questions, and what was the one I was gonna do before I get to the final one? Oh, this is a pretty decent one. It was kind of interesting because I'm there as a parent with my kids, and then my parents were there with their kids and grandkids. And the question was, what trait would you least like to pass down to your kids?

[Michael]

Oh, that's heavy.

[Jack]

Yeah. But I thought it was damned interesting. Again with the family relations there. It was interesting me because my dad said, patience. I wish. I wish I had more patience. I don't have much patience. I never have, and I don't like that. And I wouldn't want to pass that along. I thought, huh, I've kind of got that patience. I've got different things that bother me more than that, but, like, my son really has no patience. So anyway, I have no idea if that's a genetic thing or not.

[Michael]

Yeah, a lot of it is.

[Jack]

What would your answer be?

[Michael]

Oh, my God. Mine. It. That might be it. Yeah. Yeah, it would be something like that. Yeah, Just patience, ability to. Look, you can make your point later. I'm. I'm thinking back to, you know, I was a young parent and ran a little hot, and there were times it took me a while to learn. Look, you can't make the point tonight with your angry, misbehaving kid. Just plant the seed, throw a little fertilizer on it, and just leave it alone. And don't, you know, don't try to close the deal with a kid who's freaking out or whatever. Just let it rest. Something like that. Just. I don't. I don't know how I'd phrase it exactly. Give me a minute. I could probably come up with it.

[Jack]

But it was interesting to have, you know, hear my dad say it with me there. And then I've got one for my. Mine was procrastination. I just. I. I don't. I wouldn't want to pass that on to my kids. And I have to one of them, but not the other one. So that's cool. Katie, since you're planning to have a family, what trait of yours would you not like to pass along?

[Katie]

I would say my anxiety or my lack of ability to identify what's in my control. Like, I tend to worry about things that I can't do anything about.

[Jack]

Yeah, I was going to bring that up on the air. It was Interesting. With a very big group of people and like the weather conditions getting worse there, the different levels of being worried about it, given that the result is going to be the same either way. The person that worries zero about it or the person that is, and I'm not going to mention any names, infinitely worried about it, like to a really high point. The result will be the same way. The same either way. Which is really interesting about worry.

[Michael]

And the challenge in front of you will be the same. Yeah.

[Jack]

And not to be a too much of a downer is like my son who's got a variety of issues. He said, I don't want to pass along my ocd, which was hard. Michael, anything you don't want to pass along to your cats?

[Joe]

Maybe jealousy. Sometimes you get jealous of others a little bit. A little bit envious.

[Jack]

Interesting. That's a good one, man.

[Michael]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, speaking of cats, Michael, for what it's worth, our daughter brought her cats with her and they have been. Were in my home, for gosh. When did she get here?

[Jack]

I noticed. I noticed there's an S on there. Is it two or 15?

[Michael]

Two.

[Jack]

Okay.

[Michael]

Two cats. Brothers. Very, very cute little fellows. Oh, my gosh. I'm at least provisionally. I'm not on Team Cat like versus dog, but had a lot of fun with the cats. Really enjoyed their company. Cute little fellas. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

[Jack]

And then. So one more card and this will be the. The end of the One More Thing podcast for today. The question was, have you ever shoplifted? And there are only two people that had in our big group. I never have. Maybe we answer some questions here, Michael, have you ever shoplifted? No, Katie.

[Katie]

No. On accident, but no.

[Jack]

On accident.

[Katie]

Yeah, I walked out of it. I walked out of a Target with a pair of sunglasses on my head and when I got home, realized it, drove back, returned them, got a crazy look.

[Jack]

That's not cheap.

[Michael]

Lifting, absent mindedness. Yes, absolutely. As a kid, I fell under the sway of some older boys who were not a good influence at all. I was probably eight years old. I might have been nine, something like that. And there are some of the neighborhood boys and they kind of adopted me and that's what they're doing. And I'm like, all right. It was a good learning experience, though. It honestly was because the. Because we got busted because we were stupid kids and the. Whatever you call the security guy at the start.

[Katie]

Loss prevention.

[Michael]

Yeah, exactly. That's the term I was looking for. Chewed us out. I mean, like, really, till there are Tears. And then mom and dad came and it was like, oh. And at that young age, I hadn't fully appreciated that I am a extension of my parents and my siblings and my family. And we have a joke I probably shouldn't do the accent we do it in. But as our kids embark on something, they will say to each other, we will say to them, bring pride to family. And it helped me really appreciate that.

[Jack]

Yeah, that's a good one. It's a good thing it didn't happen in modern California up until a month ago that nobody would have busted you just.

[Michael]

All right. Yeah. Built a career as a criminal, probably very successful career. So one more thought on the, the, the hot sauce thing. While I do not find any joy in seeing who can endure the most pain to their nerve endings in their mouth, the idea of trying to maintain your cool and like speak coherently while you are dealing with the hot sauce, that is very funny.

[Jack]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why, that's why that show is funny. Just Google the Shack episode and watch it. So on the. Did you shoplift? Two people in the group of everybody said yes. My one niece said yes. And we were all shocked. And. And she said, yeah, she kind of does it for fun. And I, I have a friend, like, super successful, very smart person who went through a big shoplifting phase in their 20s. And it was just the thrill of it. That wasn't stuff they needed or anything they got like a thrill out of. It's like people who lie for the thrill of it or whatever. So I've never had that. But then my dad shockingly said I did once. I did once. And it was like for some reason, my dad, now that he's 87, tells stories that he's never told ever in his life. And I don't know if he didn't think we could handle it or what, but he tells stories now that we're like, my brothers are. And I are always like, where. Why were you holding on to this your whole life?

[Michael]

Right. I had that experience with my 84 year old dad this past summer. He was in the Air Force during the Vietnam War and he got out in the early 70s. And he explained because he'd quote, unquote, explained why to me earlier in my life. But he'd left out like a lot of it, which was he was fully cognizant of how dishonest the Department of Defense and the White House were being about the war. And he hated it.

[Jack]

Wow, that's interesting.

[Michael]

And he'd never uttered A word of.

[Jack]

That to me, that is interesting. Yeah, so my dad says I did once. And we're. We're all like, what? Because my dad is super honest law and order guy, which I really appreciate. And he said, yeah, I was in the army, and I was working KP in the kitchen, and I stole something out of the kitchen and took it back to my room. And I felt so guilty about it the next day. I never stole anything again. We said, what did you take?

[Michael]

Here it comes.

[Jack]

A gallon jar of olives.

[Michael]

Well, one of the great pleasures in life.

[Jack]

What the freak are you gonna do with a gallon of olives? You're one thing you steal in your whole life.

[Katie]

You're gonna sit back and enjoy those.

[Jack]

Olives is what you're gonna do.

[Katie]

All the dirty markets for a long.

[Michael]

Day in the kitchen, you're gonna pop a little olive.

[Jack]

Oh, my God. I guess that's part of the whole you grew up without electricity or indoor plumbing thing. You know, the joy of an olive may have been pretty exciting for that. Yeah, it's like when I read Tom Sawyer to the kids are like, why are they getting so excited about an apple? Well, they didn't have apples. I guess that's what it was. A jar of olives.

[Michael]

Stolen army olives.

[Jack]

The guy that was with him stole a half gallon of ice cream and stuck it under his shirt. On the way back to the barracks, they got stopped and had to stand in the hot sun for a while. And that guy's ice cream started to melt, and he became one big wet stain of ice cream. I don't know. I didn't ask where my dad must have stashed the gallon jar of olives, because that's not easy to hide either, but.

[Michael]

Oh, of all. You don't think. No, surely not.

[Katie]

Oh, jeez.

[Jack]

You can't suitcase a gallon jar of olives.

[Michael]

Not with that attitude, you can't.

[Katie]

Okay.

[Joe]

You see what I put up with? Well, I guess that's it.

[Michael]

Oh, and callback.