You've Never Been Drunk In A Bowling Alley!?

Summary

Armstrong & Getty On Demand: "You've Never Been Drunk In A Bowling Alley!?" – January 30, 2025

In this lively episode of Armstrong & Getty On Demand, hosts Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty dive into a whirlwind of topics ranging from political scandals and scientific breakthroughs to societal issues and humorous anecdotes. Broadcasting from the Abraham Lincoln radio studio, the duo delivers their characteristic blend of sharp commentary and engaging banter. Below is a detailed summary capturing the key discussions, insights, and conclusions of this episode.

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1. Opening Banter and Political Scandals

[00:11 - 02:25]

The episode kicks off with Jack Armstrong humorously recounting a past incident involving their general manager, Pete Hegseth, who was allegedly drunk at work 15 years ago. This leads to a broader conversation about public figures and their personal struggles. Joe Getty contrasts Pete’s once-overindulgent behavior with RFK Jr.'s long-term battle with heroin addiction, highlighting the disparity in public and media responses to different types of personal failings.

• Joe Getty: "How did that get so much attention to the fact that RFK Jr. was a heroin addict for 14 years?" [00:59]

• Jack Armstrong: "Pete was drunk once. He had one too many chardonnays. Oh, no. He can't work in the government. What the hell, people?" [01:07]

This segment underscores their frustration with selective outrage and the inconsistent treatment of public figures’ personal issues.

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2. Origins of Life: Science vs. Faith

[03:23 - 06:07]

The hosts transition to a fascinating discussion on the recent scientific discovery suggesting that life on Earth may have originated from organic matter found on a meteorite. This revelation challenges long-standing theories and sparks a debate between scientific explanations and faith-based beliefs.

• Joe Getty: "They found some organic matter on a meteorite... that might be how the whole thing started. That is just unbelievable." [03:23]

• Jack Armstrong: "It was the hand of God that decided there should be life on Earth." [04:07]

Joe Getty and Jack Armstrong explore the implications of this discovery, with Armstrong asserting a creationist viewpoint, while Getty ponders the mathematical improbabilities of intelligent life existing elsewhere.

• Jack Armstrong: "If you believe in the Almighty, that is the mechanism by which God Almighty did it." [04:28]

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3. Political Corruption and Accountability

[06:07 - 10:00]

The conversation shifts to political corruption, focusing on the sentencing of Senator Menendez for his extensive misuse of funds. The hosts express disdain for Menendez’s emotional plea in court, criticizing his lack of accountability.

• Joe Getty: "He cries in the courtroom, begging for a lower sentence. I've suffered enough, he says... why don't more people have the cojones to sit there and say... Sorry I got caught." [06:52]

Furthermore, Armstrong and Getty discuss the pervasive influence of lobbying in Washington D.C., particularly highlighting the sugar industry's substantial financial contributions to influence policies.

• Jack Armstrong: "They've spent $145 million on lobbying." [09:04]

They draw parallels between corporate lobbying and selective law enforcement, suggesting that both are tools used to maintain systemic corruption.

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4. Store Security and Crime Rates

[10:00 - 22:52]

A significant portion of the episode tackles the issue of escalating crime rates and the consequent rise in store security measures. The hosts critique CVS's new pilot program requiring customers to use an app to access security cabinets, mocking the inconvenience it causes shoppers.

• Joe Getty: "That's a pretty funny joke... it's as if no one works there." [17:04]

Armstrong humorously imagines running a drugstore chain with aggressive security, only to highlight the impracticality and high costs associated with such measures.

• Jack Armstrong: "If Joe's Nationwide Drugstores... stealing equals ass whoopings." [21:21]

They lament the societal shift towards over-policing minor thefts and the reluctance to address underlying issues such as poverty and systemic failures.

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5. Military Diversity vs. Unity

[10:34 - 16:45]

Katie Green, a recurring segment, shares a provocative statement from the Pentagon rejecting diversity in favor of unity and shared purpose.

• Katie Green: "One of the dumbest phrases in military history is 'Our diversity is our strength.' Our diversity is not our strength. Our unity and our shared purpose is our strength." [10:34]

Armstrong and Getty critique this stance, arguing that diversity remains a valuable asset and that unity does not necessitate the exclusion of diverse backgrounds.

• Jack Armstrong: "Diversity is fine. It's interesting. But no. Unity is utterly indispensable." [11:20]

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6. Major News Highlights

[12:11 - 35:34]

The hosts provide comprehensive coverage of several major news stories:

• Helicopter and Plane Crash: An American Eagle jet collides with a Blackhawk helicopter near Reagan Airport, resulting in 60 fatalities. They discuss the rarity and tragedy of such accidents.

  • Jack Armstrong: "Terrible, terrible tragedy and incredibly rare, thankfully." [12:37]

• RFK Jr. Hearings: Ongoing Senate hearings on RFK Jr.'s nomination face scrutiny, with discussions on his controversial statements and potential confirmation outcomes.

  • Katie Green: "Three contentious Trump nominees will appear before the Senate today." [29:16]

  • Jack Armstrong: "Kennedy barely gets through. Tulsi. No way. 3rd and I'll break that down later." [29:16]

• Educational Proficiency Scores: Post-pandemic data reveals alarming declines in student proficiency in reading and math, echoing concerns about the long-term impacts of prolonged school closures.

  • Joe Getty: "Kids are not catching up from COVID... only a third of the kids can read and do math at the very low level." [26:53]

• Meta Settles with Trump: Meta agrees to pay Trump $25 million in a lawsuit over the suspension of his Facebook and Instagram accounts, a move the hosts view as inconsequential for the tech giant.

  • Katie Green: "Meta agrees to pay Trump $25 million to settle lawsuit over Facebook and Instagram suspension." [31:18]

• AI in Advertising: Hollywood Reporter highlights the rise of AI-generated commercials, which the hosts find both amusing and eerie.

  • Katie Green: "AI commercials are going to take over the Super Bowl this year." [32:26]

• Social Trends: According to the New York Post, there is a declining interest in sex among American young men, a trend the hosts find perplexing and indicative of deeper societal issues.

  • Katie Green: "Americans are saying no to sex like never before, with young men leading the depressing trend." [33:16]

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7. Listener Mail and Interactions

[14:27 - 17:15]

Armstrong and Getty engage with listener mail, sharing heartfelt messages and addressing humorous misconceptions about "dad jokes."

• Listener Message: Congratulations to listener Brian on his 40th birthday, highlighting the personal connections fostered by the show.

  • Jack Armstrong: "She's a daily listener too. Keep it up for all of us living in the progressive Portland bubble." [14:58]

• Dad Jokes Debate: A discussion ensues over the definition of "dad jokes," with Armstrong defending them as family-friendly rather than inherently "dumb."

  • Joe Getty: "Dad joke means dumb joke. But at least the way that's my, my kids seem to present it." [16:21]

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8. Humorous Segments and Memes

[34:01 - 35:34]

The episode concludes with light-hearted segments, including memes and humorous takes on current events.

• Meme of the Day: A picture of Trump dressed as a mobster standing in front of the border wall, accompanied by the sign "F. A F."

  • Katie Green: "My meme of the day... Trump posted it." [34:01]

• Babylon Bee Satire: A satirical headline about single men dressing as illegal immigrants to catch the attention of Christie Noem.

  • Katie Green: "Single men begin dressing as illegal immigrants, hoping Christie Noem will detain them." [34:50]

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9. Closing Remarks

[35:34]

The hosts wrap up the episode with final thoughts on the discussed topics, encouraging listeners to stay informed and engaged.

• Jack Armstrong: "Armstrong and Gettysburg." [35:34]

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Joe Getty: "How did that get so much attention to the fact that RFK Jr. was a heroin addict for 14 years?" [00:59]

• Jack Armstrong: "Pete was drunk once. He had one too many chardonnays. Oh, no. He can't work in the government. What the hell, people?" [01:07]

• Joe Getty: "They found some organic matter on a meteorite... that might be how the whole thing started. That is just unbelievable." [03:23]

• Jack Armstrong: "It was the hand of God that decided there should be life on Earth." [04:07]

• Joe Getty: "He cries in the courtroom, begging for a lower sentence. I've suffered enough, he says..." [06:52]

• Jack Armstrong: "They've spent $145 million on lobbying." [09:04]

• Katie Green: "One of the dumbest phrases in military history is 'Our diversity is our strength.' Our diversity is not our strength." [10:34]

• Joe Getty: "Kids are not catching up from COVID... only a third of the kids can read and do math at the very low level." [26:53]

• Katie Green: "Americans are saying no to sex like never before, with young men leading the depressing trend." [33:16]

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Conclusion

This episode of Armstrong & Getty On Demand encapsulates the dynamic interplay between current events, personal anecdotes, and societal critiques. Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty adeptly navigate complex topics, providing listeners with both informative content and entertaining commentary. Whether dissecting political scandals, debating the origins of life, or humorously addressing everyday issues, the hosts maintain a captivating and thought-provoking dialogue that resonates with their audience.

Transcript

[Jack Armstrong]

Broadcasting live from the Abraham Lincoln radio studio at the George Washington Broadcast Center, Jack Armstrong and Joe Getty. Armstrong and Getty. And now here.

[Joe Getty]

Armstrong and get ready Friday from a dimly lit room deep within the bowels of the Armstrong and Getty communications compound. And today we are under the tutelage.

[Jack Armstrong]

Of our general manager, Pete Hegseth, Saying the right thing, doing the right thing. Secretary of Defense, if you need them. Peter Hegseth. Ah, but he was drunk at work in the evening once, 15 years ago. Oh, no. Shut up.

[Joe Getty]

How did that get so much attention to the fact that RFK Jr. Was a heroin addict for what, a dozen. 14 years? 14 years.

[Jack Armstrong]

Pete was drunk once. He had one too many chardonnays. Oh, no. He can't work in the government. What the hell, people?

[Joe Getty]

A Heroin Addict for 14 years, 14.

[Jack Armstrong]

Months would be a hell of a deal.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, heck, yeah. Wow, is. That's amazing. He survived that.

[Jack Armstrong]

Keith Richards is listening, saying, dude has a problem.

[Joe Getty]

Wow, that is interesting. It just shows you the depths of tds Trump derangement syndrome. Or you get into various things that you care about. You know, 14 year heroin addict doesn't even really come up. You were bowling and you had too many beers and you had to defend yourself.

[Jack Armstrong]

Saturday, I enjoy bowling, and sometimes there's beer served, but I believe this country, all the better. Something, something. Dude over here has been a smack addict for 14 years. Nobody's talking about it.

[Joe Getty]

First of all, I'd like to say anybody who has not been drunk when they're bowling, get out. I don't want you working in the government. You're too something if you're above the.

[Jack Armstrong]

Age of 12 years old.

[Joe Getty]

You've never been drunk in a bowling alley. The hell kind of life were you living?

[Jack Armstrong]

Boy, you know my favorite.

[Joe Getty]

Go ahead.

[Jack Armstrong]

I was just going to say one more note about Pete Hegseth. Not only is he sounding so many great notes, and you're about to hear one about the way the Pentagon and our militaries ought to be approaching their jobs. But yesterday, I think it was, or the day before, he said, yeah, I'm going to appoint deputies who are really adept at running a giant bureaucracy and understand the Pentagon. Uh, Cash Patel said something very similar, by the way. Uh, I. I am nothing but intrigued by these choices. I don't believe for a second there's going to be some sort of cataclysmic, you know, miscalculation where Pete Hegseth sells off the Navy to buy more drinks so he can be somewhat buzzed for, you know, A night or I just I. The harem Scarum stuff and this is a good thing. The, the boy who cried wolfisms are just so thick in the air right now. It's getting easier and easier to ignore them and people are.

[Joe Getty]

Well all that stuff pales in comparison to the fact that we may have discovered yesterday where life came from which has been one of the big mysteries of the planet forever. Why did the life start? Nobody knows. Well they. They found some organic matter on a meteorite that they were able to prove that was released yesterday by some scientific paper that the theory that many have had for many years that there was life on some other planet somewhere piece of it broke off, traveled through space, hit our planet and you know put into the ground some of the building blocks of getting life going. That might be how the whole thing started. Which is just unbelievable if I may.

[Jack Armstrong]

Interject to save hundreds of people writing emails. Jack it was the hand of God that decided there should be life on Earth. And you know what's funny about that that debate is that never. That's never been a paradox for me.

[Joe Getty]

In opposition I'm a God guy. That does not that I don't find a rubbing point there where I've got right.

[Jack Armstrong]

If you believe in the Almighty that is the mechanism by which God Almighty did it.

[Joe Getty]

But how freaking fascinating is that?

[Jack Armstrong]

Oh it's, it's. It's crazy interesting from how far away.

[Joe Getty]

What planet we were talking about this a couple of weeks ago on how the leading theory a hot theory seems to be now among your physicists, astronomy, astronomers that there is no other intelligent life out there. There actually isn't. And mathematically they have reasons why they think that is part of it is.

[Jack Armstrong]

Very little on Earth too.

[Joe Getty]

I know I was watching Jeopardy. Last night. Part of that is just the idea that there's only been life on this planet for a blink of an eye of the four and a half billion years that we've been around. And so you could have some other planet where they had as thriving societies. We did but it was 3 billion years ago and it. And it destroyed itself the way we're going to destroy ourselves some day.

[Jack Armstrong]

Right.

[Joe Getty]

And. And to get the timing to match up to where there's some currently would be mathematically pretty difficult. Yeah.

[Jack Armstrong]

The ships that did not pass in the night.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah. But for to be the organic matter that could bring life here to get it started. I mean jeez, something had to start it. Well you know and a God, however that happened, whatever. But I found that to be a Very interesting story. My.

[Jack Armstrong]

Imagine the difficulties of conceiving if you are the father of us all and the sperm of life flies into the solar system and has to hit a hospitable planet to begin the, the lovely process. Yeah, exciting process.

[Joe Getty]

You got to hit a Goldilocks planet because it doesn't work on a planet that's, you know, on Mercury, 800 degrees and sunny today that doesn't work. Or someplace that's, you know, frozen solid, 4,000 degrees below zero. Uh, that ain't gonna work either. My favorite story of yesterday though is just cuz I hate this guy so much. Democratic Senator Menendez, the guy with the gold bars and his fancy cars, his wife's wearing fur coats and everything like that, had been taking money for me. The Egyptians had stealing and been lying his entire career. Finally got sentenced. Uh, 11 years in prison. And my favorite part is. And this is so freaking pathetic, have some testicles, man. He cries in the courtroom, begging for a lower sentence. I've suffered enough, he says, which is.

[Jack Armstrong]

Done more good than bad. I've been a public service.

[Joe Getty]

So freaking pathetic. I just, I almost threw up when I saw that yesterday. Why don't more people have the cojones to sit there and say, you know what? I like cars, I like cash, I like gold bars, I like nice houses, I like expensive wine. I got away with it for a long time. Sorry I got caught. Smell you later. Why don't more people say that?

[Jack Armstrong]

I guess I was a mobster and a career criminal and I kept it going for like 45 years. It's a shame it's ended now. But that's. You know. Know what, folks? That's the odds. Anyway, thanks for coming. Right. At least take it like a man.

[Joe Getty]

Well, I guess, I guess you have no scruples or you wouldn't have done it in the first place. You're.

[Jack Armstrong]

You're the spend the rest of his miserable life in a cage.

[Joe Getty]

Good. Is that you're the lowest level of scumbag. So of course you're not going to say that you're going to cry. I've suffered enough. Oh my God, how embarrassing is that? But, oh, and the other turn, this was pretty clever on his part. He said Donald Trump was right. The deep state is a powerful force that is out there to break. And he is trying to get a little of that MAGA love on him. See if people would go for the whole. Yeah, see, they're doing to me what they tried to do to Trump. Huh? Nobody. Anybody? Nah.

[Jack Armstrong]

Crap.

[Joe Getty]

He tried to get that going at the end. That didn't catch on.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah, Sorry, Bob.

[Joe Getty]

His argument that he was making back when he was still in the courtroom and is, is pretty decent is there's a lot of people getting a lot of stuff from a lot of places and getting rich here in Washington D.C. that are living way beyond their salaries. Explain. And maybe I went. This is what he should have said. Maybe I went farther than they did. But we ought to figure out where the lines are in this stuff because I know a lot of rich people in government.

[Jack Armstrong]

You know, it's funny you should bring that up. I was just. The topic of sugar and high fructose corn syrup came up yesterday. It will come up again today. And I'm fairly aware of the sugar lobby and all that they have done through the years and all the money that has flowed to the absolutely critical American sugar industry. And those guys are. They get like a trailer truck full of gold bars. They're like we've been handing these out since like 1945.

[Joe Getty]

Right?

[Jack Armstrong]

Is this not good now or what? Somebody's got to tell me the rules. Oh yeah.

[Joe Getty]

Or Google for instance, probably going, you're not allowed.

[Jack Armstrong]

They've spent $145 million on lobbying.

[Joe Getty]

Wink, wink. Yeah, funny. It's kind of like we always talk about busting hookers in cities. Every once in a while you got to bust a couple to show the blue hairs that you're trying. But then you go back to letting it go because it's going to go everywhere. Probably what they're doing there. Every once in a while you got to bust a congressperson and claim you're keeping an eye on corruption.

[Jack Armstrong]

Well, my theory of it, and I'm pretty sure I'm right. If you disagree, I would love to Hear your thoughts. Mailbagarmstrongetti.com they bust people occasionally doing 85 miles per hour to make sure nobody's doing 95.

[Joe Getty]

Right? Yeah, well, exactly right.

[Jack Armstrong]

Token enforcement to put the seed of doubt into would be criminals heads.

[Joe Getty]

But going 75 and getting moderately rich throughout your career in ways that most people wouldn't think was cool. Biden, nobody's even even looking at that. Let's start the show officially. I'm Jack Armstrong. He's Joe Getty on it is Thursday. We're running out of January here, people. Dry January is almost over. Oh my God. It's going to be a pig head Seth like party this weekend. I'll tell you the year 2025. We're Armstrong and getting. We approve of this program.

[Jack Armstrong]

All right, let's begin then. Officially lining up for duty. Snapping to attention at Mark.

[Katie Green]

One of the dumbest phrases in military history is our diversity is our strength. Our diversity is not our strength. Our unity and our shared purpose is our strength and our. The Pentagon is excited to get back to that core mission. It's happening rapidly. The services are responding and those that don't want to respond can work somewhere else. So diversity, equity, inclusion will not be a part of the Defense Department. Not a minute long.

[Jack Armstrong]

Wow. It's. It's like I got appointed Secretary of Defense, which would be a mistake. It's great. It's like we're listening to our show coming out of the SEC Def.

[Joe Getty]

I love it. I feel like Pete Hegseth has listened to the Armstrong and Getty show because I've heard those. That first phrase out of your mouth I don't know how many times. Diversity is not our strength. Unity is our strength.

[Jack Armstrong]

Right. Diversity is fine. It's interesting. But no. Unity is utterly indispensable.

[Joe Getty]

That is maybe the dumbest phrase of all time. Diversity is our strength. It's just dumb.

[Jack Armstrong]

And it may be the perfect illustration of the greeting card style. Vaguely, you know, how would you describe it? It's kind of vaguely uplifting statement that even the most basic examination of it falsifies it. But if it sounds good and it makes you feel good to say, people say it and they believe it and they preach it as if it's truth. So we've been watching it for decades now.

[Joe Getty]

We got more to say about that and a whole bunch of other stuff. Now that we know where life came from, everything is different. How does mailbag look?

[Jack Armstrong]

Oh, it's fine. Finding dandy. Can't wait. Cool.

[Joe Getty]

That's on the way. Here's our text line. 415295 KFTC.

[Jack Armstrong]

Armstrong and Getty.

[Joe Getty]

Clear skies around Reagan airport last night. Even so, a Blackhawk helicopter crashed into a commercial plane. 60. Some people are dead. More on that coming up. How the heck does that happen with some of the most trained people in the world? Mistakes happen, I guess.

[Jack Armstrong]

And some of the most controlled, carefully dealt with airspace in the world.

[Joe Getty]

Right.

[Jack Armstrong]

Terrible, terrible tragedy and incredibly rare, thankfully. Here's your freedom loving quote of the day going way back. Give it up for my man Heraclitus who is some sort of guessing Greek philosopher, Roman leader.

[Joe Getty]

His name is Cletus.

[Jack Armstrong]

He may. Heraclitus. It's probably Heraclitus. I'll have to look up who he was exactly. But this is believed to be the oldest incarnation of a very well known phrase slash concept. There is nothing permanent except change.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, somebody was probably saying that outside a cave a million years ago. So that thought has been around for a long time.

[Jack Armstrong]

Right? One of your younger caveman is ooging around saying hey, there's no wildebeests this year. There were wildebeests last year and the old grizzled caveman said dude, the one thing you can count on is change.

[Joe Getty]

Although did people know that pre the ability to have written history because everything was new all the time. Nobody's writing anything down. You didn't, you didn't know what happened a generation before yours unless people were telling stories. I guess oral history was the only thing you had. Plus the lifespan was like 17. So I don't know how much life you experienced before you were dead.

[Jack Armstrong]

Right. So maybe the grizzled old 23 year old caveman was saying there have been cherries in those trees and there will always be cherries. They didn't know, but apparently they did back in old Heraclitus time. Mailbag. Feel free to drop us a note. Mailbagarmstrongygetty.com Kimber with a lovely note. Hey guys. My darling husband's birthday. It was just a couple of days ago. Brian. You and Jack have been part of his daily routine for half of his life now.

[Joe Getty]

Just turned 40 and that's supposed to make me feel good or he mopes.

[Jack Armstrong]

When you're off on vacations and holidays, loves laughing along with you every day during his daily driving, and is a third generation conservative Portlander. I think you keep him sane.

[Joe Getty]

Wow. He mopes when we're on vacation. Coincidence. We mope when we come back.

[Jack Armstrong]

Then she says some very, very nice things. And she's a daily listener too. Keep it up for all of us living in the progressive Portland bubble. You know, it's funny how often.

[Joe Getty]

When.

[Jack Armstrong]

People find out what I do and where the show started and then where it's big and the rest of it, they're like, they're shocked that in some of the blue areas of the country a conservative radio show would do well. And I have to explain to them, and it's fine that look, if Your population is 55, 45, liberal and conservative, that is a gigantic landslide. Every single election.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, surely. Seen those maps of what counties voted Trump. It's almost entirely red clear across the country, including New York and California.

[Jack Armstrong]

And yet people in blue cities, blue states are entirely unrepresented by their governments and. And they're they're constantly brow beaten by their woke coworkers and relatives and all that. They're wrong or bad people or whatever. So yes, it's nice to come together with like minded people in a quote unquote blue area which is probably got a hell of a lot of redlining folks in it.

[Joe Getty]

I like, I like that, that, that's a nice story. I don't need to be reminded that I turned 76 this next birthday. It's not helpful.

[Jack Armstrong]

I don't checking the calendar. I don't believe that's correct. Let's see. This is from Drew the millennial. Always nice to hear from Drew. Jack has fundamental misunderstanding of what a dad joke it is. It's not that you're dumb or unfunny. It refers to a joke that's cheesy or trite, typically delivered with the intention of mildly embarrassing and or annoying your children.

[Joe Getty]

Okay. Does anybody ever do that with moms? I don't think so.

[Jack Armstrong]

I, you know what you were ranting about that I just got out of your way. I don't agree. I think it refers to the sort of family friendly joke that a dad tends to tell that seems less sophisticated as you get older.

[Joe Getty]

Boy, I read dad is dumb. Dad joke means dumb joke. But at least the way that's my, my kids seem to present it.

[Jack Armstrong]

Coming up, we'll talk about persecution complexes. Well, no, if your kids present it that way, then that's your reality. I get that. Oh, we don't have time for a really interesting food dye email about a family. The Limited eliminated food dyes from their kids diets and saw great results. They think persecution complex.

[Joe Getty]

You're going to tell me the prevailing culture is not that dads are dumb and buffoons. I mean that's.

[Jack Armstrong]

I and several emailers have never seen dad jokes as part of that.

[Joe Getty]

All right, we got more news of the day on the way. There's always plenty. And more hearings today, which is exciting, isn't it? Stick around. Armstrong and Getty CVS announced yesterday it's launched a Pilot program at 3 New York City locations that allows customers to use the pharmacy chains app to unlock stores security cabinets. It was either that or hire a single employee. That's a pretty funny joke. I know the CVS near my house. It is as if no one works there. Yeah, it's the only store I've ever been to where like you get your stuff and you head up toward the front and like are you open or was there a fire? I mean, where is everybody there's? Nobody there.

[Jack Armstrong]

I realize this has been a joke so long it's half a cliche, but holy cow, your big box hardware stores. I mean, back when those jokes came to be, they had twice the workforce that they do now. It's unbelievable, but a wander for 10 minutes to find somebody on CVS.

[Joe Getty]

I meant to get you to this a couple of weeks ago when it came out, and I think it's cvs. It could be Walgreens. It's the same diff. Either way. You know, don't buy or sell stock based on what I'm about to say because I have the wrong company. But it might be cbs. Anyway, both of them have closed a bunch of stores clear across the country for lots of reasons, lots of them obvious. And the CEO announced we were starting to realize that locking everything up is actually hurting business, that people are deciding not to shop here because it's too cumbersome. Yes, that is absolutely true. Or they don't buy certain things. I'll go into CVS and I'll get, you know, bar soap, kids need shampoo. I don't have hair. A variety of other things. I need that to cvs. And then I'd like. I'm gonna get some razor blades. Oh, no, they're locked up. I'm not willing to go through whatever hassle that is, so I'll get them somewhere else some other time or order them on Amazon or something. And yeah, of course there's tons of stuff that I pass up like almost every time I'm in the store because it's locked up and it's just too big a pain.

[Jack Armstrong]

Well. And if you don't dry shave with a steak knife like I do, why don't you wear a bra? Come on.

[Joe Getty]

Of course, I don't know what the right metaphor is. There's an old timey saying for this sort of thing where we're, we're. We're picking on the caboose and we should have the engine or something. The problem is not really that people are buying less because stuff is locked up. The problem is we have to lock stuff up because there's so much crime when all of our entire existences, things weren't locked up and it seemed to work just fine. That doesn't seem to be a deal.

[Jack Armstrong]

Well, yeah, and I find my. I'm trying to do the math, but I've run in my own, you know, disagreement. But here's what I was thinking. If I'm running Joe's Drugstores nationwide chain, we're Known for our surly pharmacists. Anyway, it hurts when I do this.

[Joe Getty]

What aisle should I get that in?

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah, quit doing that.

[Joe Getty]

And then you say walk this way. And then I say all right.

[Jack Armstrong]

Anyway, if, if Joe's Nationwide Drugstores we invested in two burly dudes, well trained, carefully hired. Anybody tries to steal from us, we're putting you down, right?

[Joe Getty]

They're gonna grab you by the head and another guy by the head and crack your heads together like it's the Three Stooges or something.

[Jack Armstrong]

I gotta believe that would cost a hell of a lot less than the rampant shoplifting. Here's the problem you run into. We live in a society where said scumbag stealing for their living and they're not looting it back. And it's not because the deck was stacked against them or the patriarchy or white supremacy. It's because they're friggin thieves who've existed since the dawn of man. Anyway, when aforementioned friggin thief sues because they may or may not have a slightly sore elbow from the ass whooping Joe's guards gave him, well then it's going to cost me too much to defend in the rest of it because of our sick, sick, you know, tort reform needing society.

[Joe Getty]

Sorry about the ass whooping.

[Jack Armstrong]

I'm not the least bit sorry. Quits. Hey, stealing equals ass whoopings. That'll be the big sign right there. Not shoplifters will be Prosecuted under code 403C. No, it's going to say stealing equals ass whooping.

[Joe Getty]

So your slogan isn't going to be your health today or something like that. It's going to be stealing equals ass whooping.

[Jack Armstrong]

Our slogan is going to be our stuff is on shelves like normal stores, right?

[Joe Getty]

Like it has been for all of history. Will it ever go back? And I was thinking it wouldn't. I thought this is going to be this way the rest of our lives. Even if crime goes down, they've already they're just going to keep locking stuff up. But then when I saw the CEO say he thinks it's really hurt their business by a lot, then I'm thinking as soon as crime goes down, which it will with the change in law of California and Trump being president and a variety of other things, hopefully they'll stop locking stuff up because it is annoying. The target I go to in a nice town, all the Legos are locked up. Now my, my kids are out of the Lego age, but that Lego aisle used to be full of kids looking at the boxes because you get to look at all the pictures and read about it and stuff like that. Can't do that now. They're all locked behind glass, which is just horrifying. Yeah.

[Jack Armstrong]

Speaking of the LEGO age, my daughter took me to the Barnes and Noble not long ago and showed me the adult Legos. Not pornography, adult, like, like a bouquet of flowers and stuff like that. I mean, really intricate. It was wild. It's crazy. I didn't know that existed.

[Joe Getty]

I should specify with Legos because for a lot of people the age of legos is you're 28 years old, a man without a girlfriend, living in your parents basement there.

[Jack Armstrong]

That's a little judgmental.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, definitely. Damn right it is.

[Jack Armstrong]

Here is the problem, and it's a big problem. Although it's easy to understand. The, the umbrella problem is a society that in half a dozen important ways tolerates crime out of bizarre and misguided beliefs that I'm hoping have maybe crested. I don't know. But it occurs to me the reason Saudi Arabia chops off the hand of.

[Joe Getty]

Thieves, that's not a bad idea.

[Jack Armstrong]

Just because they like hand chopping or that they're, you know, living in the year 800 and stuff, which. All of which is more or less true. But it's the same reason they hanged horse thieves in the American west. Because if we allow this on any level, everything breaks down and it's too easy. We'll just make the punishment so draconian. Nobody dares do it. And for the most part, nobody does it.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah.

[Jack Armstrong]

Now do you have to try not to, you know, heave when, when a horse thief is getting hanged or a thief's getting his arm chopped off? Yeah, that's, it's really gross. But there's a balance and we've absolutely let our society get out of balance.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah. I don't know how long this will be around culturally. Although if the punishment's strong enough, you'll get your act together. I suppose. But my, my youngest talks about, because he goes to the dollar store a lot. For some reason he likes the dollar store. There's a group of kids that come in there and steal all the time and he sees them and nobody does anything about that and they just think it's hilarious and they go in there and they steal stuff and you know, that's been okay for most of their lives. So I don't know that will ever change. Although like you said, if the penalties get high enough, you'll, you'll correct beer your behavior or go to jail. Oh, Joe's Joe's dying.

[Jack Armstrong]

There's a guy who just poured hot coffee directly down his windpipe. I agree with you completely.

[Joe Getty]

We'll let Joe recover. Because I need to ask Katie before we take a break. So you're going to be able to do your headlines today. You were sick yesterday because food poisoning. Food poisoning. And do you know what you ate?

[Katie Green]

I do. It was pre cooked chicken breast because I was being lazy and didn't want to make the chicken for my salad. So I bought it and paid for it in ways I don't care to talk about.

[Joe Getty]

And it had gone funky, you think at the store, like when I bought the grocery store sushi.

[Katie Green]

It must have because the date on it was still fine. So I actually called the store and said, hey, just a heads up, you might want to take these off the shelves because the date was for today. So that was still on the shelves yesterday. This, this 84 day month can end now. Okay. We have, we have two days left.

[Joe Getty]

You haven't, haven't enjoyed January?

[Katie Green]

No, no, it's. I think I'm convinced it's out to kill me.

[Jack Armstrong]

So funky, funky chicken. And yes, we know Katie sounds odd. You don't have to let us know. She's in another studio and we're having some funky, funky problem.

[Joe Getty]

She's going to vomit all over the place and I don't want her in the same room as me. Me.

[Jack Armstrong]

Right. Stay away.

[Joe Getty]

Disgusting. Another news story we're going to get to a little bit later. The national school proficiency scores are out. You can go state by state, I think county by county if you want to, to see how proficient your, your school is. And not a surprising headline all across the country. One, kids are not catching up from COVID I think we had that headline the other day. And two, as before COVID we're not really doing that well, hardly anywhere in terms of reading and math proficiency. Why this isn't a bigger crisis, I don't know. You would think if like wherever you live, only a third of the kids can read and do math at the very low level. We've decided to be proficient. You'd think that'd be a big deal, but it's not for some reason.

[Jack Armstrong]

I think part of that reason is a significant chunk of the electorate on the left is convinced that everything else that's happening at schools is a wonderful thing. And those of us who think focus on core instruction for the kids, reading, writing, arithmetic in history, period, have been shouted down in recent years. And there are giant powerful unions that disagree with that point of view I just expressed.

[Joe Getty]

Fewer pride assemblies, more math assemblies or reading assemblies. Seems like it would be a good idea. But we got, we'll get into those proficiency scores and other things a little bit later. We've got Katie's headlines on the way. Stay here.

[Jack Armstrong]

Armstrong and Getty.

[Joe Getty]

So I know we got day two of the RFK Junior hearings. Is it the same senators they got to finish off? Are they going to the House now or a different committee or. I don't know.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah, I just think it's more Grillins by the same committee.

[Joe Getty]

I could Google it, but it doesn't matter enough to me. But we're going to have some of the highlights from yesterday in hour two, if you haven't heard them. And it's pretty interesting conversation starters, no.

[Jack Armstrong]

Doubt, including the bombshell revelation that's shaken his nomination. Listen to me, I'm rapping. And it wasn't the thing with the dead bear. Stay with us.

[Joe Getty]

Mark Halperin does a good job accounting because he's in contact with these people. There are not currently 50 yeses to confirm him, but there are not 50 no's to keep him out so he still could get confirmed.

[Jack Armstrong]

Plus the outrageous statements that caused the abatements. Stay with us.

[Joe Getty]

Wow. Wow.

[Jack Armstrong]

At the top of my head. Hey, let's figure out who's reporting what. It's the lead story with Katie Green. Katie, thank you, guys.

[Katie Green]

Starting with NBC, all passengers confirmed dead after American Eagle jet and army helicopter collide and crash. Yeah.

[Joe Getty]

No longer a rescue operation of any kind.

[Jack Armstrong]

We received a note from an airline pilot who had a very similar incident many, many years ago. And he said what happened was that the, the helicopter pilot in a fairly tightly controlled space inexplicably went east instead of north, the way he was supposed to go. And there was a very near collision. And it can happen very quickly.

[Katie Green]

From the New York Times. Three contentious Trump nominees will appear before the Senate today. And it's Kennedy, Patel and Gabbard all today.

[Jack Armstrong]

Here are my predictions. Kennedy barely gets through. Tulsi. No way. 3rd and I'll break that down later. Kash Patel will get through. He made a statement that he will appoint as his deputies highly experienced FBI agents who know the workings of the agency and can make up for any unfamiliarity he has with it. I think he goes through solidly.

[Joe Getty]

That takes care of the inexperience problem. What about the I'm going to be there for Trump's retribution. Is he gonna walk that stuff back?

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah, he will. In fact, I expect him based on other things he said, I expect him to say, look, I engaged in a hyperbole as part of the political discussion. It's kind of the way of the world these days, especially online. Here's what I actually think.

[Katie Green]

From the Washington post. Hamas releases 8 hostages from Gaza Strip in ceasefire deal progress from ABC quote, Trump is right. Former Senator Menendez speaks after 11 year sentence is handed down.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, he tried to turn it the the Trump is right. The deep state is out to get good people like me and Trump trying to get a little magalove, but I don't think it's working.

[Jack Armstrong]

Surprised he didn't show up in court with a maga hat.

[Katie Green]

From USA Today post pandemic nosedive student test scores are raising alarms among parents and teachers.

[Jack Armstrong]

I hope.

[Joe Getty]

I would hope.

[Jack Armstrong]

Good Lord, is it possible that America will finally figure out? A lot of us have. I know, but what an utter outrage it was to keep the schools closed as long as we did. I mean, to keep them closed more than a couple of months in 2020. 2020 was an outrage as the science was becoming clear even then. And it's about the teachers unions and Randy Weingarten and the rest of it. That reckoning must take place so we don't do it again.

[Joe Getty]

It might be the worst thing our government's ever done. It's certainly in that top group.

[Jack Armstrong]

I would agree 100%.

[Katie Green]

From NPR, Meta agrees to pay Trump $25 million to settle lawsuit over Facebook and Instagram suspension.

[Joe Getty]

How about that? Zuckerberg's gonna pay $25 million. I guess we probably shouldn't have kicked you off Facebook because we didn't like what you said. So sorry about that.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah, that's an interesting diamond hammock after Marky boy just wrote a huge check for the inauguration and now they're buddy buddy and he's going on Rogan. But you got to keep in mind that $25 million is like couch change at Meta.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, curly hair don't.

[Katie Green]

From Bloomberg. Microsoft probing if deep seek linked group improperly obtained open AI data.

[Joe Getty]

Yeah, I heard. Maybe my favorite writing about the new Chinese artificial intelligence app was they stole everything. It's not the same story that they caught up to us by stealing everything. It's still troubling that they've got it, but it's not the same thing. As they organically passed us, they stole everything.

[Jack Armstrong]

China is the greatest thief in the history of mankind. So if they inexplicably end up with something we didn't think they had how do you think they got it right?

[Katie Green]

From the Hollywood Reporter. AI commercials are going to take over the super bowl this year.

[Jack Armstrong]

Ah, interesting.

[Joe Getty]

That will be interesting. I don't know exactly what that means. Promoting.

[Jack Armstrong]

AI has already put out a big AI commercial. You've probably seen it. It's like a weirdly perfect town with a weirdly perfect coat, truck driving in front of the weirdly perfect children with their weirdly perfect smiles and the weirdly perfects.

[Joe Getty]

No, I know. They need to fix that. I now feel like I can absolutely identify AI created people. They're two something.

[Jack Armstrong]

Well, they're. They're all perfect.

[Katie Green]

The only thing they haven't perfected are the hands. Still, they all have like eight fingers on one hand. From the New York Post. Americans are saying no to sex like never before, with young men leading the depressing trend.

[Joe Getty]

That's from what?

[Katie Green]

The New York Post.

[Joe Getty]

Okay, I'll have to look at that. Yeah.

[Jack Armstrong]

As we've been discussing, could there be any, any greater sign of the ill health of a society, I'd say, when.

[Joe Getty]

Young men no longer have interest in sex? How's that even possible? Yeah. I chewed my way out of a concrete bunker when I was 25. Now. Now 25 year olds are like, yeah, I'd rather just stay home and watch Netflix.

[Jack Armstrong]

It's too much trouble. Yeah. Oi.

[Katie Green]

Your meme of the day. It's a picture of Trump. He's dressed like a mobster. He just looks like a total badass. And he's standing in front of the border wall and behind him there's a sign that just says F. A F.

[Joe Getty]

Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. That's a good one.

[Katie Green]

My favorite part about. My favorite part about this is that Trump posted it.

[Jack Armstrong]

Oh, boy.

[Joe Getty]

Wow. The President of the United States posted F around and find out. Wow.

[Jack Armstrong]

Yeah. I love this on a couple of levels. And it's borne out by the fact that, and I've seen read a couple of different accounts of this. Culturally speaking, the word on the street south of the border is don't go in, the doors are closed, don't even bother trying. Which is what he's going for.

[Joe Getty]

Sure. That's a good one.

[Katie Green]

And finally, the Babylon Bee. Single men begin dressing as illegal immigrants, hoping Christy Noem will detain them.

[Joe Getty]

Ah. Cause she's hot. You see?

[Katie Green]

Get it?

[Jack Armstrong]

Yes, I do see that. Yes. An attractive gal kind of flies in.

[Joe Getty]

The face of the previous story, though, where they're not interested in sex, so why would they bother?

[Jack Armstrong]

Well, the few that are, apparently.

[Joe Getty]

We should talk about that. All the federal employees in America getting a letter saying, you know, you quit, we'll pay you through September. Just quit. We'd like you to quit. I know people who've gotten that letter and some of the highlights from the RFK Jr hearing, which are good. We'll have that now or two, if you missed the hour, get the podcast. Armstrong and Getty on demand.

[Jack Armstrong]

Armstrong and Gettysburg.